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Ryuunosuke thinks that Asougi Kazuma is the closest thing to perfection a human could ever get.
While he admits that he's never talked to the man himself, he can tell from the way the professors and lecturers bring Asougi up to praise his brilliance, the way the women flock to the gate of the university only to catch a glimpse of him, the way he's the talk of the quaint town Ryuunosuke calls his own home and the way his voice booms loud like the crack of a thunder. He has never talked to the man but he knows that if there was anyone who could reform the flawed judicial system of Japan it was Asougi.
Shameful as it was, he hadn't quite known that the law of Japan was flawed until he'd overheard one of Asougi's passionate monologues.
Ryuunosuke hadn't even talked to the man and he already had something to thank him for. What an amazing guy, he thinks.
The pride and joy of Imperial Yumei indeed.
Then the debate competition happens.
Huh, he thinks to himself as he watches Asougi step onto the stage ー curious.
Huh, he thinks when Asougi starts off the speech, already noticeably better than most even though he's just started ー amazed.
Huh, he thinks when Asougi falters. Stutters. Loses his words and trips over a sentence that could hardly classify as a tongue twister ー confused.
The Asougi that he created in his mind breaks, just a little, unnoticeable, like the dust from the plaster of a perfectly fine ceiling falling. It's fine, he thinks even though the shock hasn't settled yet. It's fine . Why wouldn't it be? Asougi was human after all.
Ryuunosuke does not know why he's so shaken by that.
Who knew the flawless, unshakeable and mighty Asougi would be done for by mere tongue twisters?
The thought curdles like sour milk in his mind. It remains and it stews, and Ryuunosuke works on getting rid of it. The sour milk of a thought is no longer there but he cannot deny the stain that it has left on his mind. It stays and stays and stays until -
"How," Asougi starts, he demands , "How did a shifty-eyed man like you manage to finish his speech but I did not?"
Ryuunosuke panics.
"I practice tongue twisters as a hobby."
Though he feels like the biggest fool, Ryuunosuke later blinks to himself in disbelief as he recalls how the conversation went. Of course a man like Asougi would have such great pride that losing to anyone would send him searching for them for a challenge, he thinks. He feels like he's in a daze but at least he managed to make a friend out of the famed shining star of their university.
That is enough.
So much more than enough.
Ryuunosuke does not understand why a man like Asougi would stoop to his level to be friends with him but he thinks everything works out. Everything works out just fine. He looks at the brand new hachimaki tied around Asougi's forehead, mostly hidden by his choppy bangs, the two lengthy ends of it fluttering in the wind. Red. Red looks good on Asougi, he notices, pushing down the urge to swipe his bangs up to see just how wide the stripe of fabric was on his forehead.
Red.
Red is Ryuunosuke's cheeks when Asougi notices him glancing at the hachimaki one too many times.
Ah. Ryuunosuke notices as he's picked and he drifts along Asougu's unrelenting flow. He has always been passive but he's never felt more passive than when in Asougi's company. Asougi has an ambition he would kill for, an ambition so intense it could move mountains, so passionate that Ryuunosuke feels the burn deep in his core when Asougi explains why he wants to be an attorney so desperately. Or maybe it's envy. Ryuunosuke almost feels ashamed to say that the only reason he chose to become an English Major was because he thought the language interesting.
An aimless nobody.
Ryuunosuke has known, he always has, but it's different when he's near Asougi. Bright, brilliant and passionate Asougi who'll do more for the Empire of Japan than Ryuunosuke could ever dream of.
He burns.
Not with envy but with the knowledge that he knows he's already given up before even attempting to copy Asougi's drive. It's pointless, he knows that much. It's pointless because men like Asougi were born to shine so bright they blinded people like Ryuunosuke into thinking that they could shine just as bright as them. Ryuunosuke was not born to shine. All he could do was burn and sputter out in vain. He had given up long ago.
And that's okay.
It's okay, he thinks, oddly content.
Asougi is nothing short of the perfection Ryuunosuke imagined he would be. From the way he stands, so gallant and confident, the way he speaks so proudly, the way he can actually look people straight in the eye while talking and the way his hachimaki flutters in the wind, red and so very eye-catching. Even, Ryuunosuke thinks with an absurd lack of guilt, even the junction where his jaw meets his neck. Everything about Asougi is absolutely perfect.
Ryuunosuke feels a little lovestruck, if that's the word for it.
Asougi Kazuma is the closest thing to god he knows.
He's the closest thing to god to Ryuunosuke, so it comes off as no surprise when he's told the news of Asougi being offered to go all the way to Great Britain in order to further his study. The law of a foreign land is so much different, Asougi tells him one day over coffee while Ryuunosuke feels pride grow in him, pride so big it's almost overwhelming. With a friend like Asougi, it was hard not to be proud.
Asougi Kazuma; the pride and joy of Yumei Imperial University.
Asougi Kazuma; the pride and joy of Naruhodou Ryuunosuke.
Asougi Kazuma who asks him if he'd like to tag along with him all the way to the queen's domain. To the Great British Empire.
Ryuunosuke peers at him, looking up from his half finished cup of coffee, and he feels the strangest jumble of emotions wash over him. The pride felt so very tainted with a sort of bittersweet longing, simmering in the heat of his own indecision even though happiness was the one emotion that stood out the most.
Ryuunosuke was, despite everything, happy for Asougi.
It was because he was happy for Asougi and it was because he thought Asougi the chosen savior of the judiciary system of Japan that he raised his hand in the court that fateful day. It was because Ryuunosuke couldn't live knowing that he could be the end of this brilliant man that he stood up for himself, for what felt like the first time, and defended himself with all that he had. With Asougi by his side.
There was never an issue of not having faith in him.
Ryuunosuke looks at Asougi sitting beside him, looking at him laughing and smiling at something Professor Mikotoba and Detective Hosonaga say.
It was just that the legal system of the Japanese government was too fickle to put his dear friend's ambition at stake. There never stood a question of why Ryuunosuke didn't trust Asougi. He would trust him with his life.
Asougi catches him staring and flashes him a grin that is absolutely sparkling and in that precious moment he thinks. He thinks that he'd gladly fight a thousand more cases like those if it made Asougi look at him like that.
Ryuunosuke agrees to go to the Great British Empire.
As long as Asougi is there, he decides, his stomach fluttering with a wave of lovesickness. Or maybe it was motion sickness from being manhandled inside a trunk. He doesn't know. As long as it's Asougi, he thinks firmly.
As if to test him the Russian sailor slams the trunk down with such force Ryuunosuke feels his tailbone shatter to dust. He bites down the yelp that almost leaves him.
Days pass by listlessly and Ryuunosuke lives off of half of Asougi's food. He lives by stretching out his sore legs and his body on the bed, reading a novel Asougi brought along with him, as Asougi reads on the chair, when it's the safest to come out. He lives through the little moments they share before the sailor on patrol arrives by the door like clockwork. Some nights ー the nights when the patrolling sailor slacks off the most ー they huddle close on the bed, closet empty, and their hearts full to bursting with joy and other emotions Ryuunosuke can't even put into words.
There are days Ryuunosuke wakes up faster than Asougi and he simply stays there, watching anger and pride fade into features that look delicate and vulnerable. Ryuunosuke wonders if it's the reason why Asougi carries so much pride around. He lets his eyes trace a path up from the chin, the lips, the slope of his cheeks that dip down at the closed eyelids and all the way up to his forehead that is covered with his hachimaki even in slumber. Ryuunosuke smiles at the sight of it; red. He touches the hachimaki and finds the warmth underneath it as Asougi cracks an eye open with sleep-soft exasperation.
"You should go inside the closet before the sailor comes," he murmurs, prying his hand off his forehead.
"I wish he didn't." Ryuunosuke groans and sits up reluctantly.
Asougi chuckles.
Ryuunosuke thinks that being in a foreign empire wouldn't actually be bad with Asougi with him, just like this. There's more than a month left before they reach the British Empire so Ryuunosuke does what he is best at. He thinks.
He thinks and he thinks and he thinks until one day he wakes up and finds himself accused of Asougi's death.
Asougi is dead.
Ryuunosuke watches Nikolina's face crumple as the magnitude of what she'd done, accidentally or not, settles in. For one vicious second, he hopes. He hopes that the guilt remains with her and follows her to the very grave. It's petty but he hopes until he realizes that this girl in front of him is only fifteen and he feels nauseated at himself. Ryuunosuke sees the world through eyes that don't feel like his when he looks at the floor of the cabin, wiped clear of anything that even suggests the tragedy that has befallen him. He tries to breathe through the fog of his head.
He hears Susato weep in the corner, holding the katana Asougi carried around him. He hears Holmes' platitudes and he feels nothing, nothing, nothing.
It's ridiculous that a man like Asougi, with potential as vast as the universe itself and pride even greater, had his life ended by someone who didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. It was an accident. Ryuunosuke exhales a shaky breath at the inanity of the situation and puts a hand over his forehead when the pressure builds in his head and his eyes. The most frustrating part of the entire tragedy was that there was no one to blame but a series of misfortunes. But that's not enough, that's not enough.
(When there's no one to blame, the mind turns against itself.)
Ryuunosuke volunteers to go to the Great British Empire in Asougi's stead.
Maybe if I had been a little more aware, he berates himself, staring right through the thick book of law that Asougi had held only a few nights ago. He holds the cover of the book tighter, to see if the book would leave him with the imprint of Asougi's hands as if it were possible and feels hopeless. If only he'd convinced Asougi to eat the chicken. If only Ryuunosuke had controlled his appetite for once. If only he'd been the one to answer the door. Maybe Asougi would still be alive. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
Maybe it was his fault.
Ryuunosuke shuts the book with a resounding clap, unable to handle how loud his thoughts had gotten and shuts his eyes close tight.
He sees red.
Red.
Red like his hachimaki.
When he opens his eyes, Karuma, Asougi's katana, his family heirloom, is staring at him with the same hachimaki wound around her. It's so much more vivid than what he'd seen in his mind's eye. It glares in the dark. It feels like an accusation.
Ryuunosuke locks himself in the closet and he finally allows the grief to flow out in the darkness.
✦
The weight on his hip is a new thing. It's heavier than he expected it to be. Of course it'd be heavy, he thinks. It's his dearest best friend's soul after all. The weight is new. Ryuunosuke feels that many of the things he's going to experience beginning now would be new. Like the steam powered locomotives waiting by the station, like the asphalt paved streets in front of him awash with the hum of hundreds of busy English men and women, like the trot of a horse carriage that stops in front of the two of them ー they're all new, strange. Ryuunosuke takes in the gaggle of foreign sights, foreign smells and foreign sounds, and he breathes out both the feeling of belonging and his fear of the unknown.
For Asougi, he thinks to himself as he solves cases after cases in the court.
For Asougi, he thinks as he swallows down food that tastes of unfamiliarity.
For Asougi, he thinks when he fixes his trembling gaze, instead choosing to tug on Karuma's hilt.
Ryuunosuke cannot deny that Sherlock and Iris have done what they can to make him and Susato feel welcomed. He cannot deny Susato's efforts as she occasionally makes food native to their country ー an anchor in a sea of unfamiliarity. He cannot deny anything and he's so grateful. He's grateful but he also cannot deny the homesickness he feels when he forgets the English word for something he knows well in his own tongue. He cannot deny the longing he feels for his classmates, for the voice of the kind old lady who sold him kakigori and sneaked in extra, for the sense of belonging to the land he walked on.
For Asougi, he thinks one final time as he forsakes it all.
Ryuunosuke hears.
It's true that people don't give him enough credit for how perceptive he can get because he sees and he hears but he doesn't say enough.
Ryuunosuke hears Susato's grieving heart when the night is at its quietest. Ryuunosuke hears her break and collect, fall and rise, shatter and heal ー like a phoenix and he feels a kind of fierce pride for this young lady who might as well be his own younger sister. Within the pride is shame and helplessness because he cannot comfort her, he cannot make the hurt hurt less and he cannot help his dead best friend's younger sister in her time of need. Instead it's Susato who sees him hunched over his desk with Karuma and Asougi's armband, and only sighs as she tells him that Kazuma sama wouldn't want him to be miserable over his death.
Ryuunosuke feels for the red band wrapped around Karuma and he almost breaks down when he realises that the warmth underneath it was nowhere to be found.
Ryuunosuke wishes he had the tenacity of this girl who was younger than him by almost a decade.
He hopes this tenacity of hers helps her in every step of her life as he sees Susato off when she returns back to Japan.
Ryuunosuke lingers around the port long after the ship is no longer on the horizon.
It's confusing and it's tiring because as days pass with him in the Great British Empire, the more Ryuunosuke realizes that he doesn't even know what Asougi was fighting for so desperately. He swore to carry his mission out but what good is a promise if he doesn't even know what the mission was in the first place? Asougi was surprisingly secretive for someone so loud and proud. It's unclear, like the fog that engulfs this nation, but Asougi's will is the only thing that keeps Ryuunosuke from returning back prematurely.
✦
Asougi is alive.
Ryuunosuke feels like he's in a dream. He can't tell if it's a good one or a bad one.
Asougi is alive.
Ryuunosuke would think the white suit clad man with the face of his presumed dead partner a hallucination, an illusion of his sick, delusional mind, if not for how shaken Susato seems. She's been reduced to repeating a single word. A single word, a name, a prayer. It's him. It's him. Ryuunosuke would've been concerned for how pale Susato had become if not for the fact that he felt a little lightheaded himself.
Asougi is alive.
The cravat on his neck is deep, dark red.
Red.
Ryuunosuke wants to cry and he wants to laugh.
It feels like he'd finally met the image of the Asougi in his mind on an equal ground, only for it to slip away like sand and become the mirage of a man standing in front of him. A specter in the guise of his best friend.
Susato seems happy that her brother is alive. She should be. Why shouldn't she? It's what's expected. It's what a girl ought to be after living in the lie of a dead brother. So then why? Why? Why was Ryuunosuke not happy? The friend he thought had died was still alive. An amnesiac disciple to the infamous Reaper of the Bailey but most importantly alive. Shouldn't Ryuunosuke feel happy?
He looks towards Karuma for an answer.
She remains silent.
No. It's untrue to say that he doesn't feel happy. He does. He feels happy. But it's not the kind he expected to feel ifー
If what? If he knew his friend who was presumed to be dead was actually alive? Is it strange of Ryuunosuke to think that he believed Asougi never truly died all along? His heart thought the feeling foreboding though his brain called it plain denial. The happiness he feels is muted. It's muted the way distant fireworks are.
"Naruhodou," he says. He enunciates.
Ryuunosuke closes his eyes at the onslaught of emotion a single word brings.
"Long time, no see," he decides to go with, "my friend."
The word "partner" hides beneath his tongueー as if it were taboo, as if it would spew venom if he said it out loud, as if it were a rusty sword that would break in one strike. Ryuunosuke swallows it down to school his expression into something that doesn't seem perpetually perplexed. Susato isn't faring any better. She rushes in front of the man and stares up at him, unblinking, as if he'd disappeared if she looked away. Maybe he would. He had the first time.
Seeing Asougi was enough. It was enough for Ryuunosuke's overthinking mind to go into overdrive. Asougi is alive. Alive. Living. Breathing. Alive.
Ryuunosuke thinks of all the nightmares. All the times he'd woken up, panting, shaking and sweating because he'd seen Asougi die right in front of him again and again and again helpless to how many times it looped to the very second his head hit the floor. He thinks of the herbal teas Susato and Iris brewed up for him because of how often these nightmares frequented him. He tastes them on his tongue as he exhales a shaky breath of disbelief. It's okay if he's in disbelief, he tries to tell himself. It had taken him a long time to accept Asougi's death. Perhaps, he'd never accepted it happened until now and that's why he's so shaken.
Ryuunosuke is definitely not not happy with this revelation but it makes him think.
Thinking is what he did best after all.
There was more to Asougi's perceived death and his sudden arrival in the Great British Empire. There certainly was. Being an attorney, as Asougi's substitute, had taught him more than enough about how things were much deeper than they seemed. It was like looking into a clear lake and trying to calculate its depth. There was a deeper, darker, and more sinister reason behind all of this and Ryuunosuke, now the purveyor of justice Asougi always wanted to be, swears that he'll get to the root of this no matter what.
And there he gets.
Ryuunosuke stands across Asougi in the courtroom. He admits that this is not how he imagined the two of them would meet in a court. The case of several deaths, all dragged out into the open due to one death of an important person, all triggered into research due to the death of one who was deemed more important. Ryuunosuke thinks the system a bit unfair in that regard. Though he wouldn't dare say it out loud at this point. Everyone but he must have known of this.
He looks at the accused, Barok Van Zieks, once the master of the masked disciple, now the very enemy of whom and he thinks. Ryuunosuke knows in his heart that the man he's defending, his client, is innocent of the crime though he's been put into an extremely difficult position. It's true Barok Van Zieks is not a very tactful man but Ryuunosuke knows that he's not the type of man to leave a sea of dead bodies in his wake. He has faith in the man he's defending just like an attorney ought to have.
Ryuunosuke wishes he could say the same for the man standing across him.
Was this how it felt to see Asougi in the light everyone else saw? He feels ashamed, not at Asougi but at his own delusions. He feels embarrassed ever thinking that he knew Asougi. The court only reveals more and more facets to this man Ryuunosuke thought was a distant, bright star. He's more human than Ryuunosuke thought he'd be.
The perfect Asougi that he had once created crumbles. Slowly but surely.
The cravat on Asougi's neck is still a glaring red and so is the palpable anger in the air. Ryuunosuke admits to the crime of having been a bad friend to Asougi. He admits to overlooking Asougi and only ever seeing the shiny splendid hero he'd created in his mind for the most part of their friendship. He admits to all his crimes, suffers the consequences in the face of an Asougi he barely recognizes even though he has the same sharp eyes; glinting in hysteria, the same curve of his cheeks; sunken with age and experience, the same lips; now twisted into a cruel, desperate snarl ー the ceiling of his delusions are caving in and now he has his own accusations to make.
So he does.
He does .
The accusations land well and Ryuunosuke has never known disbelief stronger than the one flooding him now.
"We seem to be in the middle of a waking nightmare," Susato says as the court proceeds to take a thirty minute break to update on the status of Judge Jigoku.
Ryuunosuke thought he knew denial well. He thought he knew disbelief well. He was misled because this is the strongest they have ever gotten. Even as Asougi admitted that he had been sent to England to assassinate someone, Ryuunosuke's heart was dead set on not believing what he'd heard. It was because Asougi would never do that. Asougi would never accept an assassin exchange program just like that. Heー
He wouldn't.
Or is this yet another delusion Ryuunosuke has? He wonders. He seems to have a lot of those about Asougi. Chipping away at what were his delusions and what was reality, Ryuunosuke finds himself unable to recognize the man in front of him.
I do, his heart insists, the hopeful fool it is. Ryuunosuke cannot find the Asougi he knew in this man but his heart stands firm in the one truth he knows to be constant and he knows to have existed quietly. Like how the sky is blue, like how ice is cold, like how fire is hot and like how Ryuunosuke has always, always, loved Asougi. His mind falters though. Though this is the same Asougi. Asougi still puts a finger to his forehead when he's thinking, he still makes uncalled-for threats of violence when he feels like, he still carries himself and Karuma with great pride and though he no longer has his hachimaki tied around his forehead, his ambition flutters about a bright vivid red.
It's Asougi but it's not.
Asougi wasn't an assassin but he apparently was one all along.
Ryuunosuke doesn't know what to believe.
"I didn't come to England to kill." He'd said and while Ryuunosuke doesn't know Asougi as well as he thought he did, he knows that Asougi is not a liar.
(But he'd lied to Ryuunosuke.)
Ryuunosuke doesn't know what to believe .
He tries to put the jumble of emotions away as the court continues. He asks the court to extend the case a bit longer.
"A true Japanese man knows when to admit defeat… Naruhodou ." Asougi says. The way he says his name is so familiar. Alas, his words aren't enough to deter Ryuunosuke's resolve.
So he answers. "That's not for you to decide… Asougi. "
They are in a court but it feels a little like they're bantering.
With evidence that Jigoku Seishiro is still alive, the trial is adjourned.
The world goes on. Evening fades into a slow, quiet night for the people of London. The contrast is rather sharp. Ryuunosuke's world might as well have stopped but the outside world continues on, unrelenting and cruel in its pace. Sherlock and Professor Mikotoba arrive home before the clock's hand passes eight. As travelling tends to be, both of them look exhausted yet there's a sheen of softness that wasn't quite there before. Not that Sherlock didn't already look at Mikotoba as if he hung the moon and the stars, but Ryuunosuke thinks that this might be more than that. He feels unsettled when he recognizes the adoration in the casual touches and easy smiles, when that directly leads to his mind flashing an image of him and Asougi and he looks away.
Then, Sherlock mentions Asougi.
Close friend, he says.
"Close friend, huh." Ryuunosuke tastes the word on his tongue. It's bitter. "Currently, he's not the man I thought I knew."
Susato's face drops both in sadness and resignation.
Resignation has become their default at this point. What else should he feel after knowing that his friend who he thought was dead came back only to reveal that he was an assassin working under the Reaper? Ryuunosuke, unable to face Susato, turns his face to the floor while the conversation carries on without him. It's overwhelming. It's confusing . Ryuunosuke feels like he's the only one left out of this entire situation unfurling in front of them even though he knows it to be false. Susato is as clueless as he is.
Sherlock still hasn't told them the entire truth behind it.
"Come on, everyone! Dinner's ready!" Iris announces and Ryuunosuke stores the question away into the back of his mind.
They seat themselves and Iris immediately chides Sherlock for trying to sit on Professor Mikotoba's designated seat. Ryuunosuke watches the two go back and forth, smiling a bit helplessly at how Sherlock and Iris seem more like siblings than a father-daughter duo. The dining table is permeated with the sweet scent of the variety of food and the warmth that only a family can bring. Even if their chosen family is a bit bizarre in a sense, Ryuunosuke muses quietly while Iris sighs in disappointment.
"Disappointed?" Ryuunosuke repeats, catching the end of her sentence.
Iris goes on, as if she didn't hear him. "Because," she draws the syllable in a meager attempt to stall, "for a moment, I started to believe that Susie's papa was my papa too."
"Oh..?" Susato turns to her father immediately.
Then, Iris reveals that she eavesdropped on a conversation she wasn't supposed to. Ryuunosuke is a bit speechless but he supposes he can't fault her for trying to know more. In such a complicated situation, it's obvious that anyone would want to get to the bottom of it, whether the means be bad or good. Ryuunosuke finds himself in awe of her ability to put things together with the help of an autopsy report as old as Iris herself. Though Ryuunosuke knows that neither Professor Mikotoba nor Doctor Watson was her actual father. For that one moment, Ryuunosuke sees himself in Iris ーcurious, confused and careful, and he simply watches the issue be settled with a curt apology.
Ryuunosuke knows. He knows that Sherlock is only keeping the truth away from Iris in fear of how she might react or even what she might do next. A dark part of him wonders if it's because Sherlock wants to keep her which he discards immediately. As silly as the man is, Ryuunosuke can see the traces of grief in Sherlock, he can see loneliness in the many trinkets he gathers from cheap stores, he sees Sherlock's quiet apology whenever Iris chimes that she learned to cook early and he sees Sherlock battling with himself to keep the secrets he is obligated to hide within himself. Ryuunosuke only hopes that the truth won't hurt anyone once it's out and begins eating quietly at the forced cheerfulness injected into Sherlock's voice.
When Sherlock refuses to eat, Ryuunosuke questions his strange behavior.
"It's not like I'm sulking because Mikotoba won't share half his chicken with me." Sherlock says, sulking.
Ryuunosuke only laughs at that as Iris scolds Sherlock for being greedy.
Then, he decides to brace himself as he asks Sherlock about the telegram. There will always be something or the other that Sherlock may hide from them. Ryuunosuke knows that very well. So that's why. So that's why Ryuunosuke takes this chance to get to know the situation as much as he can. He refuses to live a blissfully ignorant life. He forsaked that long ago when he first stepped foot on the soil of a foreign land.
Sometimes Ryuunosuke wonders if it was worth the trouble.
With the truth unfolding in front of his eyes, Ryuunosuke wonders if it was better to have died an ignorant but happy man rather than an enlightened yet troubled man. Ignorance is bliss, as fools and scholars sigh in tandem. Ryuunosuke thinks the phrase rather fitting as he finds out that the current case can be traced all the way back to the first case. What rotten luck, he muses with absolutely no humor as he thinks of how a single false accusation led to everything that now follows. The single flap of a butterfly's wings indeed.
The hurricane rages on.
Ryuunosuke listens from the eye of the hurricane.
He still doesn't know how to feel about the fact that Sherlock knew Asougi wasn't dead but kept it from the two of them. He understands the need to keep the information within a tight circle. He understands the legal duty of a detective to keep a potential victim safe. He understands. But was it that hard to save them both the grief? Ryuunosuke thinks about Susato's quiet sobs, his own hopelessness, both of their passion driven by a dead man's ambition and he finds himself unable to swallow the morsel of shepherd's pie down his throat.
Susato looks similarly speechless.
For that one moment, Ryuunosuke thinks he despises Sherlock.
As if, a part of him scoffs at the use of the word. 'Despise' is a rather strong word after all. Ryuunosuke doesn't know how to separate the man who wore a hat with three brims to keep himself from wearing it wrong and the man who kept all of this . Ryuunosuke feels defeated more than he does spiteful. There's a surge of indignant fury but it dies down and all Ryuunosuke is left with is a well-intentioned liar, a friend he doesn't recognize and his tattered self. Suddenly there are weights tied to his chest and it's all Ryuunosuke can do to keep himself upright.
Sherlock apologizes.
Ryuunosuke doesn't answer.
With such heavy topics on the dinner table, Ryuunosuke almost forgets that Iris was still there. She goes silent when Watson's death is brought up. The man wasn't her actual father, not really. But hearing someone you know die can be distressing. Ryuunosuke sometimes wonders if inventing things was something that came to Iris naturally or if inventing things was something she latched early on to escape from everything. He almost doesn't want to know.
But even then, Iris springs back up to clear the heaviness from the air.
Ryuunosuke doesn't know if he should feel grateful or ashamed.
In the end, he feels a strange mixture of both as he watches Iris call Susato her sister. With how their father figures acted around each other, Ryuunosuke cannot say that he's surprised. He's still in the eye of the hurricane and it's unusually quiet. It's unusually quiet but he feels reassured by the presence of these four people that have made his life in London a lot easier.
Big brother Runo.
Ryuunosuke smiles.
He's never had siblings but if he ever did, he thinks this is how he's supposed to feel.
Blood is thicker than water, they say. It's a terrible, terrible derivation of the actual quotation. Ryuunosuke thinks about his home- a dismissive mother and an absent father- and then he looks at the four grinning at each other at how this little family has come to life. Blood of the covenant really is thicker than the water of the womb. Within the hurricane, he allows himself the simple pleasure of a raucous dinner table.
Whatever may come, Ryuunosuke will be able to handle it.
Before, he barely had the ghost of a friend, and now he has his entire family backing him up. It's strange how one thing has led to another. The next time he meets Asougi, he'll be completely prepared to face him in the way he has always longed to. Eye to eye, side by side.
✦
Ryuunosuke refuses to sway to the whims of others any longer.
It's a tough case when he's begun suspecting the highest person in authority as well.
"The defence has the right to cross-examine. I'm not going to relinquish any time soon." He says.
"You just don't know when to give up." Judge Jigoku says with a scowl, "A disgrace to Japanese men everywhere."
Am I? He wants to say. Or are you the disgrace?
What's more disgraceful- attempting to pursue the truth or attempting to cover it up in fear of destroying the good faith between two countries? Why have good faith in him country if you can't even trust its people to not murder your men? The people in the court may see it as caution. Ryuunosuke thinks it's cowardice. He feels the sting of his own slap on his cheek which allows him to focus on something other than his racing heartbeat.
This is uncharted territory, he thinks to himself. He's never been the type to press an issue further when there are other alternatives but being an attorney is teaching him more than what he knew. Ryuunosuke refuses to lay low and allow people to trample over him and over the truth. It's exhilarating in an odd way. Maybe the same way a person feels right before they die but even then, he rides on the high of the exhilaration and marches on. He wants to know. It's genuine curiosity he feels and his sense of justice has never been stronger than it is now. For so long he lived an attorney's life in memory of a dead best friend. This time, it's his resolve and he will make sure to see through it.
Asougi grows more and more frantic with every testimony. Enough that Ryuunosuke recognizes the crazed look in his eyes as a vengeful son rather than the righteous prosecutor he ought to be. The case traces all the way back to his father's death. This isn't just a need to search for the truth, Ryuunosuke realizes. Asougi has never been more emotional than he is now. He's seeking revenge, not the truth. Ryuunosuke wants him to get justice for what happened years ago but not like this. Not when Asougi keeps throwing baseless accusations at Barok Van Zieks in a pathetic attempt at revenge.
"Is that why you were so insistent I should be in this trial? to see you like this?" He says, sharp, a bit more snide than he thought it would be.
Asougi flinches.
The red of his cravat is still a glaring, bold color. Ryuunosuke looks him in the eye and hopes that he can somehow pass on the message that this was not the right place to seek justice for his father's death. Asougi slams the desk once before he finally gets himself together. Ryuunosuke allows himself to take in the rare sight of Asougi losing it. It's not a pleasant sight but it's the uglier parts of Asougi that he's been avoiding looking at since the start of their friendship. Maybe it's a little pathetic for him to search for ways to cover this gaping hole Ryuunosuke created in their friendship himself in a court, maybe it's wrong for Ryuunosuke to want to look away when he finally gets to see Asougi in his worst, maybe Ryuunosuke hasn't been a good friend. There are a lot of maybes and not enough concrete answers.
Asougi finally starts looking more like himself with Ryuunosuke's words.
The prideful Asougi he got the chance to know was still the real Asougi. As was the Asougi who scolded him when he spilled food over his textbooks and notebooks, the Asougi who stumbled over tongue twisters and the Asougi who grimaced at the smell of chickenー a fool's hope but Ryuunosuke has always been a fool for Asougi. He starts genuinely enjoying unraveling the case with Asougi. It's a stilted kind of joy but joy nonetheless.
With Iris' inventions, the case is brought all the way to Queen Victoria who strips Stronghart of his powers. Evil was easier to hide when people in power hid them. Ryuunosuke was glad that Asougi finally got the justice he'd come all the way to London to get. Asougi apologizes to Barok Van Zieks in his own convoluted way once the trial ends. The mystery behind Iris' parents comes to light as Ryuunosuke realizes in horror that Barok Van Zieks was actually her uncle. It's comical to see such a tall, gruff man try to interact with a tiny ball of pink sunshine. Their family is growing bigger, he muses.
With the end of the trail comes the jarring realisation that Ryuunosuke isn't actually needed in London anymore. He'd come as Asougi's replacement but now that Asougi was here, Ryuunosuke would no longer be needed to fulfill that position.
Ryuunosuke thinks that it's a bit strange how he wanted to go back home so bad before and now he only feels hollow at the thought of returning back to Japan.
He stands on the same port he stood on a few months ago, longing to go back and near delirious with homesickness, and he feels the same fear he first felt when he was put aboard with Asougi when he left. How unfair, he thinks to himself. How unfair that his home changes the very moment he begins to live elsewhere. Now, his home looks like an oddball detective, a precocious little sister too clever for her own good, a kind sister who understood what he felt well and the father of that kind sister.
It's okay, he thinks, oddly content as the sun peeks over the horizon. If he's learned anything from his trip to London, it's the fact that anywhere can be home as long as he has the right people.
"Naruhodou."
Ryuunosuke turns back with a jolt.
"A-Asougi!" He exclaims, "Why are you…?"
His laughter fills the air. It's still a rather loud laugh which draws the attention of other working sailors. Ryuunosuke finds himself smiling at that.
"My best friend's leaving on a journey. I can't not see you off." says Asougi.
Ryuunosuke feels a weird mixture of conflicted emotions at the sound of that title. Best friend. Your best friend has failed you, Ryuunosuke thinks, looking at the man in front of him, a little melancholic. Asougi has never looked more human than he is now. Ryuunosuke sees the cracks of what he thought was an ideal, he sees the humanity of what he thought was a god, he sees the tiredness in his frame though he still carries himself with pride. His eyes are clearer, hair longer and grin smaller, and Ryuunosuke has never known adoration stronger than the one in his chest right now.
It's a shame that he's beginning to love all of Asougi right before he boards the ship back to Japan.
"...Thank you." is what he says. "I was really looking forward to rampaging through the Queen's Country with you."
"Yeah," he nods decisively, "Looks like we'll have to wait until next time."
Next time, next time, next time, his mind echoes, a chant of lunacy or love he can't quite tell apart. It's a little embarrassing how his heart still races when Asougi talks to him. He wills himself to calm down and gets the shock of his life when Asougi tells him that he'd like to become a prosecutor. Actually, he shouldn't be surprised since he faced Asougi for what felt like the most intense cases in the history of trials. He's just come to associate the word attorney with Asougi. He'll have to learn everything all over again. This time with a more human Asougi.
The ceiling of his delusions caved in long ago. It doesn't mean that he can't still get affected by the settling dust.
Then, Asougi entrusts him with Karuma.
Ryuunosuke holds her carefully, tracing the familiar hilt and the bound ribbon, previously a bright red now faded to a pale peach. He looks up at Asougi's empty forehead, covered with longer bangs than before, and even now he feels the inane urge to swipe them up to touch his forehead. It's ridiculous and he knows that it'll be warm beneath his fingers yet he still longs to properly know. The warmth that his grip left on Karuma has all but faded and Ryuunosuke chases it down until he quells his impulses.
Susato thankfully arrives before he does something bad in his fit of a year long grief and collected affection.
She wishes to go with him. She even sent her luggage on-board before telling him. What a sneaky legal assistant of a sister he has, he huffs in amusement.
Asougi still looks at her with unconcealed brotherly affection. For a second, Ryuunosuke thinks those eyes land on him as well which is an absurd notion yet his traitorous heart still skips a beat.
Does he…?
"Go, and safe travels, Naruhodou." His voice is softer than it has ever been.
He does, doesn't he?
What rotten luck, Ryuunosuke thinks when they draw their swords. What rotten luck. And just when he was about to leave. How is he supposed to leave now that he knows ?
"Until we meet again, Asougi." He lets fondness slip into his words as well.
Asougi's smile widens. "We definitely will!"
Ryuunosuke turns to Sherlock and hopes his voice doesn't dip to a pleading tone when he tells him to come visit them sometimes. He'll miss this detective and his strange sense of humor, he'll miss his younger sister and her penchant for tricking even the great detective. He wonders if Sherlock will miss Professor Mikotoba the same way he does Asougi and then thinks the question unnecessary. Of course he will.
He boards the ship and waves at Sherlock, Iris and Asougi as it moves towards the horizon. It's a bittersweet feeling. He's sure Susato understands.
"Why did you want to return back to Japan?" Ryuunosuke asks, even though he thinks he knows the actual answer.
"I've gotten used to assisting you in the court. I'll improve the most like this." she answers before a warm flush takes over her cheeks. "I've promised… my friend I'd return soon."
Ryuunosuke bows his head in amusement. "I understand."
They reach Japan soon enough.
Ryuunosuke feels hollow but the letters that Sherlock and Asougi send fill his heart with overflowing warmth. He establishes his very own attorney's office with Susato's help and allows her to use it as her base for when she disguises herself as Ryuutarou. Ryuunosuke thinks that it's a shame such a bright young woman like Susato doesn't get the opportunity to become an attorney because of her gender. She'd take the world by storm if she were allowed.
A year passes by in the blink of an eye.
Professor Mikotoba approaches him with an offer.
"...What?" Ryuunosuke isn't sure if he heard the professors right or if he actually suggested that theyー
"We should go to London to visit them." Mikotoba repeats, as patient as ever.
"But what about Susato?" He asks.
Mikotoba replies, "She said that she'd like to handle your office for the time being as Ryuutarou."
"Ah."
Ryuunosuke knew this day was coming soon but he didn't know it would be this soon.
He agrees.
It's probably the most foolish thing he's ever done in his lifetime. Ryuunosuke feels guilty when he thinks of his letters, promising Asougi a visit soon, and when he feels the tight wrung tension within himself when he thinks of seeing Asougi again. How is he supposed to speak to him? A year without Asougi and Ryuunosuke suddenly feels terrified at the prospect of seeing him. There's a quiet part of him that's excited beyond measure as well. As always, Ryuunosuke has conflicting feelings about Asougi. At least, he'll be able to see Sherlock and Iris, he tries to reassure himself and fails horribly.
Professor Mikotoba looks wistful most of the time on the ship.
How long did they have to wait? Ryuunosuke wonders despite himself.
Ryuunosuke can't wait to see Asougi but at the same time he doesn't want to see him in fear ofー
In fear of what?
His feelings about Asougi are the most confusing thing ever, he thinks miserably, on his bed. Why couldn't they just be like Susato and Haori? The two girls got together almost immediately after they met each other. It was a little sad how teenagers had their shit together while the adults were floundering over feelings and whatnot. Ryuunosuke likes to forget that his age is only increasing. His work at least distracted him from feeling these weird emotions he couldn't name in either Japanese or English.
Once they arrived at the port, Ryuunosuke took a deep breath of the sea-salted air, cringing at the buzz of the sailors working tirelessly. Professor Mikotoba tugged him towards the direction of Sherlock's home as if he forgot . He couldn't forget even if he tried at this point. Sherlock freezes when he opens the door and slams into Mikotoba's arms immediately with a loud shout of relief and confusion. Iris arrives shortly after because of the sound. Ryuunosuke notes that she's gotten taller and lets himself get pulled around by the girl. The first thing he does once he opens his suitcase is dropping the scarf Susato knitted over Iris' head.
"Susato said that your ears turn red during winter and that she'd like for you to be safe and warm." He passes on the message.
Iris bursts into tears.
After the happy reunion, Ryuunosuke feels like he's only stalling whenever he thinks of Asougi. For some strange reason, he brought Karuma along with him. Not that he can fault himself for needing the comfort of familiarity. The weight on his hip is comforting and the worn out hachimaki provides him something to fiddle with. To keep his evil at bay, Asougi had once said as he gave his sword to Ryuunosuke. Asougi always did things before he thought them through, that man didn't realize how it sounded to give his best friend the thing that reminded him of his weakness, did he? Or he did and he gave it to Ryuunosuke anyway.
The thought sends a flutter of butterflies alight in his gut.
The flap of a single butterfly, he thinks, as he walks towards Asougi's office. The flap of a single butterfly. He walks faster the closer he gets to his destination and by halfway, he's started to run. It must look strange, a Japanese man running through the streets of London with a sword by his hip, but Ryuunosuke cannot bring himself to care. He's hidden for too long. Nervousness feels like he swallowed a live butterfly that still flutters in his throat. He wipes his sweaty palms on his pants as he reaches the door.
Ryuunosuke exhales shakily and he twists the doorknob.
Here comes the hurricane, he thinks to himself when he sees the pens clatter on the ground and Asougi's eyes widen in surprise.
"Long time no see… partner."