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San's ceiling was dull. They knew that because they'd been looking at it for approximately the last fifteen minutes, sniffling back tears and chewing at their bottom lip until it bled as they huffed out an aborted noise of annoyance. Their day was not going to plan. At all.
San called it ‘a day of curling up in hoodies and eating Doritos until they felt sick’ and everyone else would call it a ‘bad dysphoria day’. Either way, San was still led there, looking at their ceiling and wondering when was a good time to call Mingi and tell him to call off the date.
Obviously, San didn't want to cancel their date, but they also didn't want to ruin it for Mingi by being upset and uncomfortable. It was even supposed to be happening at a restaurant Mingi had been talking about for weeks, so there was another reason to add to the ever-growing list of why San was the worst partner ever.
It took a while for San to notice they'd been crying, having turned away from the ceiling to cuddle around one of their many plushies. Yeosang, their beloved roommate and one of their best friends, wasn't there to cuddle. So... Shiber, they figured out after feeling at the teddy's ears beneath the blanket, would have to do.
There was only so much support the plushie could bring, however, and soon enough the pit in San's chest had grown even larger, filling up the space where their lungs should be and making it harder and harder to breathe. They'd panicked before, many a time, but this occasion did nothing but make San feel utterly useless. If they couldn't do something as simple as pick out an outfit, then what use were they being Mingi's partner? What about them was there to love? Indecisiveness was certainly not an attractive trait that was for sure.
San was so lost in their own head and self-deprecation that they didn't realise Yeosang was opening the door, only perking up when they heard their roommate wander in, muttering something under her breath that San couldn't quite decipher.
“Sangie?” San said softly, pushing themselves up a bit onto their elbows as they watched Yeosang kick off her shoes and move to unceremoniously dump herself on top of San without a word.
“My voice cracked, again. Everyone in my class laughed and I just... I just wish I didn't have to embarrass myself all the time.”
Yeosang's words made San stall, their own worries vanishing in an instant as they quickly wrapped their arms around Yeosang in an attempt to comfort her. “Sangie, I will literally fight the whole world and then myself if anyone ever tries to hurt you or make fun of you, you know that right?” Yeosang nodded against San's chest, the movement causing her hair to tickle San's chin as the younger giggled before continuing, “You're so strong and amazing Yeosang, and you're so beautiful, one small slip up isn't going to change how I see you or how anyone else sees you. You've been working so hard on your voice so it was probably just tired and that's why you slipped up, but that's okay.”
San went quiet after that, letting the words sink in for a moment as they ran their hands through Yeosang's hair. It was getting much longer now, just about skimming past her shoulders. The pair had dyed it blonde just last week as well, and San would be lying if they said their heart hadn't done many strange things at the sight of their ethereal roommate.
“Thank you Sannie, really. You're the best.” Yeosang eventually said, lifting up her head to smile at San but then pausing when she noticed the tear tracks on their face. “Hey, what's up with you, huh? Do I have to fight someone on your behalf?”
“Well unless you were planning on fighting me…” San grumbled, pouting and trying to evade Yeosang's gaze as they settled on messing with her hair again. But it could never be that easy and Yeosang was rather good at getting what she wanted, especially where San's happiness was concerned.
“Is it a bad day?” She asked, not needing to elaborate further as San nodded, shoulders slouching a bit as they let Yeosang fawn over them. “You've got that date with Mingi tonight, right? I'm guessing you can't pick something to wear…”
“How do you always know?” San whined, wriggling about in Yeosang's grip as she grinned back down at them, rolling out of bed a second later to approach the mess that was San's wardrobe.
“Because we've been best friends for years now Sannie, it would be odd if I didn't. Also you always get like this before going on big dates with Mingi, maybe this time you'll actually be brave enough to sexile me late-” Yeosang was cut off from finishing her teasing by a Shiber to the head, the room falling silent before the pair burst into loud laughter, San's cheeks coloured pink still as they got up to retrieve their plushie from the ground. “I guess that's a no then? Have you really only ever kissed Mingi?”
“Yes! We wanted to wait until we were both comfortable to go any further, I guess, and to be honest I'm fine with what we have now.” San admitted, fiddling with the paws of their sweater as they watched Yeosang flip through all of their outfits, occasionally holding some pieces up to San's chest before shaking her head.
“I'm glad that you're both happy though, it's nice to see you with someone that respects you.” Yeosang said firmly, knowing more than enough about San's previous partners to know that Mingi was the best of them all by a long shot. He was the first one to ever truly accept and respect San's identity, and he had so many mutual friends with San that they got to see each other almost daily. Everyone often complained about how in love the pair were, but it was only ever in jest.
“Oh! How about this?” Yeosang suggested after a short while, holding up a simple white knitted jumper along with a pair of jeans that had San squinting curiously.
“You do know that this is a really nice restaurant, they might kick me out if I show up in jeans.” San said, watching Yeosang laugh and roll her eyes.
“But it's comfortable and it's not going to make you dysphoric, right?” San could only shake their head in reply, because Yeosang was right, obviously. “Then I don't think it really matters, it's casual and still smart - despite the jeans - I think you'll look cute.” She told them, pushing the outfit into San's arms and ushering them towards the bathroom so they could change.
Once the door was shut behind them San took in a deep breath, looking down at the outfit before getting changed into each item, rooting through their small basket of jewellery that was tucked away in one of the cabinets and deciding on a simple pair of earrings to complete the look. It wasn't as extravagant as they'd been thinking they'd have to dress earlier, but that was perfect, and San knew Mingi would love them regardless. Because Mingi was head-over-heels in love the same way that San was and was too obvious about it for his own good.
“I just saw Mingi walk in the building, he'll be here soon!” Yeosang called and San burst out of the bathroom to pull on their shoes and get their bag ready, only to find the latter task already completed by their roommate.
“Oh my gosh thank you Sangie, I love you.” They said in between anxious laughter, trying to shake off the nerves as Yeosang came to hug them tightly.
“I love you too Sannie, now please go and have fun and don't be too nervous. Mingi thinks the world of you and you're going to have a great time. You look stunning.” Yeosang whispered, swaying them both side to side in an attempt to settle San's quickly beating heart. In the years that they'd known each other, it had become something unspoken that Yeosang was the first person San went to when they were anxious, allowing her to hold them and calm them down in a way no one else was able to.
A knock at the door had the pair pulling apart, San looking a lot less wound up than they had been a moment earlier as they went to answer the door, Mingi standing there with a small bouquet of daisies in his hand, and a giant smile on his face that made San's heart speed up again.
“You look so handsome.”
“You're so pretty.” Said the pair at the same time, both of them letting out an awkward laugh as San took the flowers from Mingi when he extended his hand, leaning up on their tip-toes a second later to leave a kiss on his cheek.
“You guys are being too romantic, I'm going to need you to leave the premises.” Yeosang said after a beat of silence, the couple turning to giggle at their friend’s dramatics.
“We're going, we're going.” San said with a grin, stepping out of their dorm and closing the door, but not before pausing and peeking their head inside, “If you get hungry I got a voucher for a free portion of fried chicken, it's inside my coat pocket.” They told Yeosang before closing the door fully and racing Mingi to the stairwell.
Yeosang let herself breathe once the room was silent again, falling back onto her bed with a smile on her face. Or, well, it might be San's bed, but at this point neither of them claimed ownership to either, they just slept wherever they ended up.
“Maybe Wooyoung will be up for studying, I should call them.” Yeosang grumbled to herself, despite her eyes being closed and her body having well and truly sunk into the mattress. A nap first would probably be better, because knowing Wooyoung they'd be far too busy in the dance studios with Yunho still to do anything involving a textbook.
Yeosang let herself fall asleep, content with the knowledge that San was going to have the best date ever, knowing she'd get to hear all about it later over fried chicken and as many fries as they could possibly stomach.