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The day after Bobby kissed Rose for the first time, all he could hear was Luke.
He could hear Luke calling him a traitor, calling him a cheater, cursing him, wishing that Bobby had died with them, wishing that he'd never met him, and Bobby can't take it.
The auditory hallucinations aren't new. He had them so frequently for the first month after the boys had died. He would hear Alex calling out to him, asking him to make the pain in his stomach go away. He would hear Reggie crying, would hear Luke's quick breathing and groans of pain.
All of that he had heard the night it happened, the night he lost the three most important people in his life.
He heard other things, too. He heard Luke's faint humming, Reggie strumming his bass, Alex's drumsticks hitting each other in time.
The sounds of death went away after that first horrible month, but for a long time after, he could still hear their voices. Reggie's laugh was common, Alex's scoff, Luke's humming.
But it's been so long since he's heard anything at all. The hallucinations occurred less and less until they disappeared completely three months ago, nearly a year after his boys had died.
He never told Ray or Rose that they ever happened. During the first month he barely knew them at all, only knew that they were giving him a place to stay that wasn't directly next to a studio full of so many memories and so much pain. And in the months after, he could barely admit to himself that they were happening. After all, the drum beat could be coming from the radio playing next door, the laugh could be from a background character in the show that the three of them were watching on their weekly movie night. It was pretty easy to ignore.
But this. This, he can't ignore.
His voice is so loud. It feels like he's screaming right into Bobby's ear, feels like he's inside his head.
He and Luke weren't even together, is the thing. No matter how much Bobby wishes that they had been, they hadn't.
They'd kissed once. Once, six months before the three of them had died. It was the middle of the night, and Luke had woken Bobby up from where he had been sleeping on the studio couch, shaking Bobby's shoulders with tears streaming down his face and stuttering something out under his breath about another fight he had with his mom, asking Bobby if he could stay in the studio for a while, and only sobbing harder when he said yes, of course. Bobby doesn't even remember the conversation that they had afterwards. He just remembers calming him down, and kissing him. They had fallen asleep holding each other on the couch, and when they woke up, they didn't talk about it. And they never brought it up later on. Never really got the chance.
So, Bobby is pretty sure that if Luke was alive, he wouldn't react the way the fake Luke in his head is reacting. Even though he wouldn't be in this situation now if Luke was still alive.
Knowing that real-Luke would not act this way doesn't help at all, though, because fake-Luke doesn't stop yelling at him.
"Why are you kissing her. I thought you liked me."
"Cheater."
"Traitor."
"Not fair, not fair."
Bobby knows it's not fair, okay? He knows it. He knows it because he was so in love with Luke and he's pretty sure he's in love with Ray and Rose now, too.
He loved it. He loved the way she grabbed his hand yesterday, the way she cupped his cheek, told him that they both loved him while Ray watched the two of them with a glint in his eye. He loved leaning down and pressing his lips to hers, loved the way they both shyly invited him to sleep in their bed that night even though he's done it so many times before. He loved it.
It's hard to remember that real-Luke would be happy for him with this fake, evil Luke being the first time he's heard his voice in so long.
It would almost be nice if the voice wasn't cursing his name and life, would be nice if it wasn't nearly convincing him that one of his best friends hated him now for doing something he loved.
He spent the entire morning in his bed after waking up before both Ray and Rose and slipping out from under the covers the second that the voice first hit his ears.
Bobby is pretty sure that Ray and Rose are awake by now, even though he doesn't know how much time has passed. Under the loudness of the voice in his head he's been able to hear the clanging of pots and pans from somewhere in the kitchen of the apartment. He thinks that his door even opened slightly once, had been able to see the small crack of light creeping into the room, but it had shut almost immediately after the light hit him, and he can only guess that either one of them had checked on him and assumed he was asleep.
He almost wishes that they would come in now, wishes that they would sit on his bed with him and wait for the evil voice to leave his head.
And he feels guilty for wishing that. Feels guilty for wishing that the voice of someone he loved so much would go away.
Because it is his voice. It's Luke's voice screaming at him, it's Luke's voice telling him that he's a cheater, a liar, a traitor.
He feels guilty for wanting Ray and Rose specifically. Feels guilty that he's replacing Luke, replacing Reggie and Alex. He feels guilty that he's alive.
And it's an awful, horrible feeling. It punches Bobby right in the chest, forces all of the air out of his lungs as his heart shatters from the force of it. He's tired. He's so, so tired. He wants his boys to be alive. He wants Luke to come into his room, Reggie and Alex trailing behind him, and he wants them to hold him like he never let them do while they were still breathing.
He can't have that, though. He can't have it, no matter how much he begs whatever higher being he doesn't believe in. So all he can do is lie in his bed with his hands clamped over his ears and wait for the voice to ease up.
It takes a while for it to finally happen, but eventually, it's completely silent in his room other than his own breathing. And even though he hasn't moved all day, he still feels exhausted. His muscles are wound tight and his back is stiff, just waiting for the next voice to start filling his head.
Instead of Luke's voice, though, the only thing he hears is the door to his bedroom creaking open and two pairs of footsteps making their way to his bed. He knows that it's Ray and Rose even with his eyes closed, and guilt swirls in his stomach while he simultaneously breathes out a sigh of relief.
He hears both of the footsteps pause next to his bed, feels the bed dip next to where he's laying. He knows that it's Rose, and his heart fills with warmth. He loves her so much.
He can feel some type of hesitation in the air, so he cracks an eye open only to see Rose's concerned face, her hand hovering just above his side, and he manages to nod slightly, sighing when she finally wraps an arm around his side, hugging him close to her body.
He moves his gaze over to Ray a second after, and if he had the energy to, he would have rolled his eyes at the way he's stood off to the side, his hands shoved deep into his pockets and moving his eyes away the second Bobby looks at him.
All he does is hold his arm out towards Ray for a moment and he's walking towards the bed, settling on Bobby's other side and shuffling until he's pressed against his back.
Bobby watches as Ray grabs Rose's hand, linking their fingers together and resting their hands on top of Bobby's stomach, and sitting there between them, he thinks that everything might end up being okay.
He still feels guilty, and he knows that everything can't be fixed overnight, but he's pretty sure that this is good enough for now. He's surrounded by two people he loves, and if he closes his eyes, he can pretend that there are three more people in the bed with them.