Work Text:
Ok. So this looks bad. I mean, really bad. You’re probably looking at us and thinking, what’s that blond, rakishly good looking, built guy doing in the forest with a girl practically young enough to be his daughter and a dog. Why are they covered in bruises? Why doesn’t she have any shoes and why is he wearing a makeshift sling? Where the hell is their car? Believe me, I’d like an answer to some of those questions too. Along with how long until it gets dark? Though that last one I think I already know the answer to: too damn soon.
This is not how today was supposed to go. Story of my life.
~
Ok. So for once I kinda agree with Clint. This looks bad. And not just in a post-battle ‘we’re a bit dodgy looking’ way or a young girl in the woods alone with her mentor and their dog sort of way. I’d actually kind of welcome getting picked up by the local cops or a park ranger even and dealing with a night in their cells answering stupid questions like:
“Explain again your relationship to this man?”
Or
“What is a nice city girl like you doing in a place like this?”
Or
“You were attacked by who?”
Or even
“What the hell kind of dog even is that?”
Because at least then I’d be warm and pissed off, rather than cold and pissed off. Can’t even blame Clint for this one, he was trying to do something nice for me; this was supposed to be our day off. Weekend off. Road-trip up to Chittenango Falls State Park, do some hiking, introduce Lucky to some actual nature, stay over night in Syracuse (do we look like camping people?) drive back the scenic route next day. Nice and chilled out. Far enough away from New York to actual be a change of scene and have an excuse not to drop everything to run some stupid errand for the Avengers, but close enough to get back for an ACTUAL crisis. Didn’t even leave New York State. Fricking HYDRA. Poor Lucky looks like he knows he’s in the doghouse. Not that it’s his fault either. Well actually my shoes are his fault but that’s another story.
~
Look it’s been a rough couple of weeks. Rough couple of months really. Tell you the truth its been a pretty rough year all round. Between the Russian mobsters and everything that went down in LA – lets not even touch on all that business with the video tape and me getting divorced shall we – Katy-Kate could do with a break and honestly so could I. So I made a plan. Long weekend, the two of us and Lucky, on a road-trip. We’d get in the car Friday afternoon, take the I-380 north-west then follow the I-81 up to Syracuse find a motel to crash in Friday night, spend Saturday and Sunday hiking and getting some target practice with targets that don’t shoot back (maybe even talk Kate into having us a cookout – I’m right there with her on it being too damn early in the year for camping) then drive back on Monday. No work, no goons, no exes, no family, no fights more serious than what station to listen to in the car. I even made sure we had bow privilege stamps on our hunting licenses – that SHIELD ID of mine can get me out of all sorts of trouble but after the last few months it seemed safer not to tempt fate.
Apparently just having the temerity to make plans is enough to tempt fate these days.
~
The drive up went smoothly, little construction work outside of Binghamton but nothing too serious; we even had change for the toll. Turns out we’ve had to share a bed so often on missions that we have our own sides – so good nights sleep and an early start in the morning. Nice clear crisp day for a hike, most of the snow had cleared off but some of the falls still had some gorgeous ice structures. Took it in turns to mind Lucky and go hunting for small game. Had ourselves a nice little cookout under the stars and headed back. At about which point the ground opened up and the HYDRA goons jumped us. Like, I’m not saying that its not good to know that they have a secret base under one of the falls and it was probably better that we found it than a couple of park rangers doing the same thing, but seriously if they’d left us alone we’d never even have known they were there. Heck, right now I’m not entirely sure where we are let alone where they are.
~
So, like a platoon of HYDRA burst out the earth and attack us, and don’t get me wrong, us Hawkeyes are good and this kind of thing, but there’s only two of us and twenty of them, plus we have Lucky to worry about. We get most of them though, even though we run out of arrows (we were intending to hunt small game today not Nazis) but they overpower us in the end tying us together (badly) and for some weird reason Kate’s shoes and socks, like they think that will make us stay put while they go for reinforcements. Instead, pretty much as soon as they’re out of sight, we untangle ourselves and make a run for it. Because the concussion or the deepening cold getting us is actually a bigger threat than they are right now. I give her a piggyback down the worst of the ice – which is how I discovered I’d dislocated my shoulder and by the time we get back to the path Lucky has reappeared carrying one of Kate’s spare shoes from the car, but its all chewed to pieces so I give her my socks to get us back to the car.
Silver lining. They looked so excited to get our phones, but they’re going to be so disappointed in them, because I loose or break mine on a regular basis there’s nothing whatsoever sensitive on it (unless you count me and Tony Stark trash-talking about new trick arrows) and because Kate wanted to take photos of the frozen falls so put a new memory card in hers on Friday. So they’ll mostly get pictures of cool ice-structures and a couple of silly selfies of the two of us. Basically unless the want to prank call the Avengers our phones are pretty useless to them. Points to us for being the least workaholic superheroes and not having terrifying portal access on our phones.
They did however, have the sense to steal our car. Futz.
~
So handily, because Clint and the “work-wife” are actually more co-dependant than he and his actual wife ever were, Natasha gets her paranoid on when he drops out of all contact. Funnily enough our phones GPS pinging from under a waterfall is sufficient supporting evidence to allow her to convince a ranger to go check out if we or just our phones have fallen in a river. Handily we intercept him and manage to look more like recreational hunters who got mugged rather than something more suspicious. In a rare moment of luck going our way, the guy has a daughter my age so is thoroughly engrossed with performing first aid on my poor destroyed feet while Clint borrows the station phone to put in a clandestine and euphemistic report to Natasha and by extension SHIELD about our unexpected HYDRA nest. He spends a few minutes looking contrite and nodding at the end of the call, which probably means Natasha is telling him off for something, which saves me the bother. I’m too tired and sore and embarrassed to do it for her. It can’t be too severe, they’re sending a team and we only need to brief them when they get here, then we can go home to actually beds and good painkillers rather than joining in.
Somewhere after that someone throws a set of keys at Clint and tells us to go home, so we grab Lucky and scarper before they can change their mind.
~
Ok. So this. This looks good. This is a pretty sweet ride. Classic, open top, drives like a dream, miles of empty road ahead and behind us. Nothing but time between us and home. Got my protégé cum little sister cum partner in crime at the wheel and our dog in the back. Ok so the car isn’t ours, but we’re mostly in one piece, if you ignore the bruises and the strained muscles. Lucky looks like he’s having the time of his life in the back seat with his ears streaming out behind him and Katy has rustled up a pair sunglasses and a ridiculous hat from somewhere, and I’ve got my feet up on the dashboard we look properly relaxed. This is exactly what I planned. Better enjoy it while it lasts.
[whoooooosh]
Aww. Hat. No.