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Uncle Percy was everyone's least favorite uncle for a reason, Victoire thought miserably, knocking on the Den's front door. He was boring to talk to, hard to get along with, and gave the worst gifts ever. She couldn't believe Dad when he said Uncle Percy had actually mellowed out over the years.
She heard some voices behind the door (always in a soft, relaxed tone—how could Molly and Lucy stand it here?) and the door opened to reveal Uncle Percy and his branch of the Weasley family: Uncle Percy, Aunt Audrey, Molly, Lucy, and their weird muggle neighbor, Tom.
"Victoire! Look at you, beautiful as ever!" Aunt Audrey complimented, bringing Victoire into the house and into a hug. "We haven't seen you all summer!"
Victoire smiled painfully, trying in vain to keep Aunt Audrey's newest necklace from digging into her skin. When they were younger, she and Teddy had played the 'avoid Aunt Audrey's hugs or her clunky necklace will eat you' game, but today the red blotch on her neck, courtesy of the necklace, didn't seem as humorous.
"Hi Aunt, Uncle..." She looked around, but it seemed Molly, Lucy and Tom had vanished somewhere. "How are you?"
"Good, good," Uncle Percy replied. "Come on in. You'll be staying in the blue guest room. I trust you know where it is?"
"Yeah," she agreed, nodding awkwardly and pulling her bags in behind her. She trudged up the stairs to her room for the next week (why oh why hadn't she agreed to go on vacation with Mum, Dad, Dom and Lou?), set her bags down, and flopped on the bed. Of course, she had known Mum would send her to Uncle Percy's for the week (Mum's newest attempt at patching up Dad and Uncle Percy's relationship, doomed to fail), but it didn't really sink in for her until now.
Uncle Percy's house was like a shrine: too clean, too quiet, and with lingering smells of smoke from Aunt Audrey's current obsession of the week, alternative magics.
On the bright side, she had three hours to go until she left the Den for the rest of the day. On the shadowy side, she had only three hours left until her date. She headed downstairs to the kitchen to take her mind off her nerves.
Sitting down at the kitchen table, she noticed Uncle Percy was in the kitchen, making tea. Victoire coughed. Uncle Percy jumped.
"Victoire! I was just going to come get you," he announced, handing her a cup of tea and a sugar bowl, and sitting down next to her. She thanked him and they drank in silence for a while. Victoire let him keep the head start on the conversation Mum had likely put him up to.
Then Uncle Percy made an odd half coughing, half strangled noise and sat up straighter than Victoire would have thought possible. He looked a little lost, as though his thoughts were scattered, probably because he hadn't counted on giving this speech so early. But overall, he looked determined and resolute. Victoire prepared for the inevitable.
"Now, I heard you have a date tonight," Uncle Percy began. When Victoire only raised an eyebrow (she was listening to him out of politeness, but there was no way she'd participate in this uncomfortable conversation), Uncle Percy continued, becoming more collected until he no longer looked worried, "and as a concerned member of the Weasley family, I feel it is my duty to warn you about the dangers of young dating, in the manner of an adult to a, well, younger adult. Now, teenage dating can lead to unwelcome situations such as..."
By minute two, Victoire's eyes had glazed over.
By minute three, she considered using either deafening charm on herself or a silencing charm on Uncle Percy.
By minute four, she was wondering if Uncle Percy had ever dated. He and Aunt Audrey must have gone from friends or acquaintances straight to marriage if this speech was how he really thought of dating.
By minute five, Uncle Percy must have noticed Victoire's attention had been banished elsewhere because he stopped talking and returned to drinking his now cold tea.
Victoire gulped down the rest of her drink, practically threw it in the sink, and speed-walked to the kitchen's exit.
"Wait!"
She paused, cringing, and turned around.
Uncle Percy looked as awkward and uncomfortable as she felt. "I just... I know we're not very close because of the, ah, altercations between your father and me, but just... stay safe and have fun, okay? The floo's open twenty four hours and your Aunt Audrey and I are always here for you. Really, we're both off the next two weeks, so we're constantly here for you."
"Thanks, Uncle Percy," she muttered, leaving the kitchen.
On her way up to the blue guest room, she decided that maybe Uncle Percy could be promoted to her second to least favorite uncle. After all, Uncle Charlie had been absent last Christmas, and his dragon-scented birthday cards left a lot to be desired.