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Meetings before missions are always the calm before the storm. They are the moment in which the Avengers take the time to gather themselves as a team, going over all the details and intel they have obtained about their objective. They are also the times when they come up with a plan of action, together.
Usually, they are uneventful and even boring ‒to some of the members at least‒, but from time to time, rather peculiar situations can arise from the meetings. After all, those are the times when the tension starts running high, more or less depending on what the mission itself entails.
It’s only logical that at moments like that, something has to give, in order to break the mounting tension and supply some much-needed relief. ‘Cause even though they know they can’t go out all relaxed and carefree, nobody wants to leave with a heavy strain weighing on their shoulders.
Leave it to one genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist to play the part of comic relief as an attempt to smooth out everyone’s souring mood. Only to have it backfire on him and leave half of the team pissed off while the other half is confused.
“Great. Now that everyone’s here, we can finally start the meeting. Cap?”
Stark opened the session, passing his metaphorical baton to the other leader of the team.
“Thank you, Tony. I hope that you all have already read the documents sent to you earlier. It’s not much but it’s crucial to the success of the mission,” explained Steve while intently looking around the table.
Everyone present nodded their heads while keeping their eyes either glued to the tablets in their hands or staring at the two men standing in front of the big screen at one end of the table. There, they could find more information and a few images relating to the mission in question.
“Anyone got any questions before we proceed?” Rogers asked, hopeful that no one would raise an inquiry yet.
Unfortunately for him, every seated Avenger raised their hands simultaneously, leaving the Captain perplexed and worried.
“Uhm…okay. What is it?”
“Yeah, sorry, but what’s with the weird codenames?” Came Clint’s dumbfounded query.
“What ‘weird codenames?’” teve parroted, eyebrows furrowing while he started to look through his own documents.
Only then did his eyes catch on to what the other was referring to, having omitted said detail before. Turns out that everyone’s codenames weren’t as serious and professional as one would expect from an organization of such esteem as the Avengers Team.
After noticing what was wrong, Steve’s head immediately snapped up and looked around the room full of miffed heroes before landing on who he was sure was the true culprit behind the prank. For his part, Tony looked as innocent as he could, which was guilty as charged.
“Tony, what did you do?” Steve asked while pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Oh, c’mon! How do you even kno‒”
Iron Man tried to deny his involvement but was promptly cut of by Captain America, who’s patience was running thinner by the second.
“Tony…” Steve warned, not wanting to deal with the other’s bullshit.
“It’s not a big deal! Just a few little modifications to spice things up a bit around here. Missions can get soooo boring. But with this, I’m sure that we will have more fun out there.”
The man truly believed that his idea was brilliant, as with all the others, so there was no point in trying to make him think differently. Nevertheless, the Avengers wouldn’t give in without a fight.
“More like you’ll be having fun at our expenses,” snarked Rhodey.
“Sounds like someone doesn’t like their codename,” snidely retorted Stark.
“I think nobody likes their codename,” pipped in Natasha with a snort.
“What’s wrong with yours? I even went through the trouble of upgrading it.”
Tony tried to make a case for himself despite knowing it was futile.
“Upgrading it? You changed it from ‘Scary Russian Spy’ to ‘Nikita,’” pointed out an incredulous Romanov.
The upgrade in question referred to the famous movie and TV series female character of said name, who’s a government-trained spy and assassin, much like Natasha herself.
“I see that as an improvement,” affirmed Tony, arms extended in an uncaring gesture.
“Of course you do.”
Steve’s sarcastic comment went mostly unnoticed by the rest of the team, save for Tony, who was standing within hearing range.
“C’mon now, they aren’t that bad,” said Tony, wanting to make light of the situation and refusing to acknowledge that his nicknaming skills were off.
“Mine’s ‘Piss-Ant,’” complained Scott with a grimace.
“Okay, that might’ve been a little mean,” conceded Tony. “But you have to admit that it’s hilarious.”
Lang’s quiet “I guess so” goes unheard amidst all the other complaints, with the man not wanting to recognize out loud that Stark wasn’t as wrong as he wanted him to be. Ant-Man was sad to admit that he did find the nickname kinda funny and clever, even if highly insulting.
“You put ‘Platypus’ as my codename?!” Questioned Colonel Rhodes, scandalized.
“Well, that’s just a term of endearment,” Tony replied with a fake flirtatious tone.
“Gotta admit, mine’s kinda cool,” interrupted Barton, feeling proud of being labeled “Legolas”.
Although, he wasn’t even surprised by the choice.
“Mine’s just embarrassing,” muttered a flustered Parker, cheeks and ears going bright pink at reading the “Underoos” codename written on his file.
Peter and Clint then exchanged glances, given that they were sitting beside each other. While the teen complimented the archer on his codename, Hawkeye gave his condolences to Spider-Man on being made to retain such a silly and awkward nickname by his mentor.
On the other side of the table, across from them, Maximoff and The Vision were also discussing their codenames before voicing their complaints about them.
“‘Little Red Riding Witch’? That’s too long and doesn’t even make sense!” Exclaimed a bewildered Wanda.
“Well, in my defense, since I’m still a little scared of you, I didn’t have much material to work with,” Stark confessed, making clear that his intention wasn’t to offend the powerful magic-user.
“I don’t understand mine. I don’t have brothers.”
Vision’s visible confusion was due to his codename being “Big Brother”, which referred to the character from Orwell’s famous novel, 1984.
“I’ll explain that to you later,” Tony quickly dismissed.
The last thing Stark wanted right then and there was to get into a philosophical debate about totalitarianism and free will with the android. He would later find the appropriate moment to discuss the subjects broached by the novel with his former AI.
“I suppose I suffered an upgrade as well?” Steve finally dared to ask Tony, still puzzled by what the engineer could have possibly meant with the nickname change.
“You don’t like it?”
Stark questioned, eyebrows pinched in a concerned and downcast frown. He was short on giving the Captain puppy eyes.
“It’s, ah…flattering, I guess,” tried to amend Rogers, one brow quirked up in uncertainty.
The man’s usual nickname was “Capsicle”, but the codename on his file read “Captain Handsome”, making him doubt Tony’s sincerity regarding the topic.
Meanwhile, Bucky and Sam didn’t even say anything about their codenames, considering moot to complain after seeing how Stark kept dismissing everyone else’s. Barnes’ codename was “Manchurian Candidate”, which despite somewhat accurate was still deemed offensive and hurtful by the former Winter Soldier. And Wilson’s codename was simply…“Birdbrain”, which he hated.
“I like mine, although I don’t think it applies to me very well,” chimed in Blake, a blank expression on her face.
The nickname chosen for the youngest female Avenger was “Smiles”, an obvious and sarcastic reference to how the girl could be often seen wearing a poker face. They all knew that Summers’ smiles were rare, and the one that got to see them almost exclusively was her boyfriend, Bucky.
Because of that, Stark’s true intentions weren’t nefarious when coming up with that codename for her. After all, and even though he would never admit it, Tony had a soft spot for the kid, as he did for the Spiderling too.
After much bickering, Tony relented and agreed to let his teammates not only change their codenames but to choose them themselves as well. Although, Steve amended that they could only do so if they were professional about it, to which they promised they would.
What was left out of the conversation, since neither of the men were present at the time, was that Thor’s and Banner’s codenames were “Point Break” and “Strongest Avenger” respectively. And those would remain that way until either of them showed up and complained about them.