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"Oh my God," Bucky said, grabbing Steve's wrist with his metal hand. It wasn't tight enough to hurt, but it definitely got Steve's attention. "Oh my God. I don't fucking believe it." He was gaping.
Steve snapped his gaze away from the enormous ice sculpture of Iron Man fighting a…very narrow dragon, possibly. "What is it?" he asked, maybe a little too eagerly. For a moment he was certain his idle wishing that a supervillain would attack so they could leave the Stark Expo reception had come true. But when he followed Bucky's pointed finger, all he could see was Tony facing a broad-shouldered, sandy-haired man. "Is Tony in danger?" The argument was certainly heated, with lots of arm-waving and glaring by both men, but Steve couldn't see what could've gotten Bucky so worked up.
Bucky switched his gaping from Tony and the other man to Steve. "That's Rodney McKay," he said, like Steve should not only have recognized the man but been experiencing the same level of awe at his presence. "He's the world's biggest expert on wormhole physics. He works for the Air Force, doing top-secret research into space exploration. Didn't you read any of the articles I forwarded you?"
"Not immediately?" Steve answered hopefully, then winced at the decidedly unimpressed look Bucky shot him in return. "They're, um, kind of…technical?" he tried again when Bucky just blinked at him a few times. "Really technical?"
Bucky rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Too technical for Captain America. Math is so hard. Come on." He began stalking across the expansive ballroom with his hand still clamped around Steve's wrist, all but dragging Steve with him.
"Um. Bucky, I really…I—" Steve's protest fell on completely uninterested ears and he wasn't going to dig his heels in like a toddler even if he wanted to. So he let Bucky haul him over to Tony and the apparently spectacular Rodney McKay. As soon as they were close enough for Steve's extraordinary hearing to work, he caught the argument still in full swing:
"No, you really don't get it," Tony was saying. "I mean, sure, if I wanted to blow the planet to smithereens…" He threw out his arms in illustration, nearly taking out a waiter passing by with a tray full of canapés.
"Oh, oh, wait." Rodney snapped his fingers, getting the harried young woman's attention. "I want one of those." He deftly plucked a canapé off her tray and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. "D'er not wookin' awt if da wite way," he mumbled around it as he chewed.
"I think avoiding total planetary destruction is the only way to look at it!" Tony exclaimed, before he noticed a very-enthusiastic Bucky and a far-less thrilled Steve barreling over to them. "Hey, Buckaroo—tell this guy his theory about stable Einstein-Rosen Bridges would be awesome if he wanted a giant black hole to eat the planet."
Bucky smirked. "Sorry—no can do, shellhead." He turned to McKay, grinning in a way that should've made him look ridiculously besotted instead of gorgeous. "I mean, according to your latest paper, it's hypothetically possible to create enough exotic matter to stabilize a wormhole, right?"
"See?" McKay crowed triumphantly at Tony, "Even—" He stopped and whirled to actually look at the two newcomers. He opened his mouth, shut it again, and then went practically bug-eyed with admiration.
Steve groaned inwardly, but just smiled and offered the hand Bucky didn't have in a death grip. "Steve Rogers."
"Yes, yes. You're Captain America. I know." McKay flapped his hand vaguely in Steve's direction. "But you're James Barnes," he said to Bucky, still just as awestruck. "Oh my God." He stuck out his hand. "You're really James Barnes. I can't believe it. My husband will be so jealous he didn't get to meet you. He has such a crush on you."
The husband didn't seem to be the only one, at least given how McKay suddenly flushed crimson as soon as Bucky took his hand in a firm shake. Steve was viciously pleased that it wasn't a good look on McKay, then immediately felt bad.
McKay seemed to realize he was still shaking Bucky's hand and finally let go. He blinked. "Wait… Did you just say you've really read my work?"
Bucky grinned wider as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "I admit some of the equations threw me a bit, but yeah. I've always loved astrophysics." He tossed a quick smile back at Steve. "This big lug knows I wanted to be an astronaut even before they existed for real."
As always, Steve couldn't help smiling back, though there was the all-too familiar pang behind it: all the might-have-beens if both of them had come home from the war. Maybe Bucky could've been able to go to university, finally work towards some of his own dreams instead of Steve's.
McKay looked even more stunned. "You really read my work. I never dreamed you'd be interested. I mean, not that it's uninteresting!" he added quickly. "It's just not generally necessary for the, you know." He made a vague gesture that didn't seem to mean anything at all. "World-saving."
"You'd be surprised," Tony said dryly.
"Not really," McKay said. "My husband John's read all your biographies," he said to Bucky, looking proud. Then his eyes widened like he was just realizing something. He started patting his pockets. "That reminds me—he'd kill me if I didn't get your autograph. And your arm!" He stopped the patting to give Bucky remarkably impressive puppy-eyes. "Would it…" He blushed again. "Would it be all right if I looked at your arm?"
"Hey, I'm the one who designed it!" Tony protested. "Why aren't you asking me?"
"It's attached to him." McKay gestured at Bucky, "And I know how it works—it's remarkable that you haven't shorted out his brain, actually, given what you laughingly call the hardware/wetware interface."
Bucky pulled his left arm out of his pocket, looked at it then back up at McKay. "What's wrong with my arm?"
"Oh, nothing," McKay said breezily, "provided you're not worried about potential brain damage or it shorting out in the middle of a battle…"
"Wait, what?" Bucky squawked.
"What?" Steve echoed.
Tony and McKay ignored them both. "That's bullshit! There's nothing wrong with the interface!" Tony grabbed Bucky's arm and shoved back his tuxedo sleeve to show the gleaming metal underneath, along with the multi-colored necklace wrapped around his wrist. Steve deftly caught the cufflink with the tiny silver Avengers symbol on it when it went flying. "This is the most advanced prosthesis on the planet!"
Steve wasn't surprised that Bucky had the necklace. Big crowds didn't make him more anxious than they ever had anymore, but he'd told Steve that whenever he went to something like this, he liked to have a reminder that he wasn't there because of mission parameters burned into his brain.
"Hey!" Bucky said, but he didn't yank his arm back despite how easily he could've.
McKay didn't even notice the necklace. Instead he was peering at Bucky's arm with his fingers twitching like he wanted to run off with it. "And I'm sure Sergeant Barnes will be grateful to know that when he's drooling in a group home," he said to Tony.
"Oh, that's it. It is on, McKay. It's on like Donkey Kong," Tony growled. He started towards the elevator, towing Bucky the way Bucky had towed Steve. "I'm gonna beat your Canadian ass back to Edmonton."
"I'm from Toronto," McKay said primly. "Not that I'd expect you to know the difference, considering you seem to be incapable of understanding simple neurobiology—!"
Bucky glanced at Steve over his shoulder, smiling with helpless bemusement. "Later, Stevie!" He sent him a little wave.
Steve waved back, blinking in mild shock as he watched the three of them go, Tony and McKay still arguing. He sighed once they were gone, anticipating a far more boring evening without Bucky's company. He activated the tiny comlink in his ear. "Please tell me we're in imminent danger, Nat."
The scoff he received in reply was understanding as well as just a bit mocking. "All clear, I'm afraid. You're welcome to come join me, though. I'm about to charm the current CEO of Skill Saga into revealing when their next update to Simuland will come out."
"Do you even care about that?"
Her laugh was breathy, seductive and a little dangerous. "No. Thrill of the hunt, Rogers."
"I'll leave you to it then." Steve smiled to himself as he switched channels. "Clint. Anything interesting?"
"Other than that bizarre-as-hell ice sculpture? No." Clint's disgruntled sigh came over the link. "Looks like Tony's trying to make out with a giant, anorexic snail."
Steve chuckled. "Took me a while, but I think it's supposed to be one of the Chitauri Leviathans."
"You're kidding."
Steve grinned. "Nope. So, what are you doing?"
"Hanging out on the upper balcony. You're ruining the lines of your suit, Cap."
Steve took his hands out of his pockets. "Want company?"
"Sure. Bring me some of those hors-d'oeuvres. They look good."
"Which ones?"
"Any of 'em."
"Got it. On my way," Steve said, already heading towards the nearest server.
"Hey, where's Bucky?" Clint asked over the comm. "I saw Tony dragging him to the elevator with another guy. Everything okay?"
"Yeah. They were just arguing over his arm. I think they were going to Tony's workshop so he could prove a point."
There was a not entirely comfortable silence. "Prove a point about Bucky's arm? Like, while the arm is attached to him?"
Actually, it sounded kind of sinister when Clint put it like that. Steve stopped walking. "Um, J.A.R.V.I.S.?" he said quietly, "can you tell me where Bucky is and what's happening to him, please?"
"He's with Sir and Dr. McKay in Sir's workshop, Captain," J.A.R.V.I.S. responded with his typically gratifying immediacy. "And I believe that Sir and Dr. McKay are in the process of removing several of the internal components of his arm."
"Several?" Steve repeated.
"Yes, Captain," J.A.R.V.I.S. confirmed.
"Oh my God." He hadn't expected to hear that. He hadn't expected that at all, and the only thing Steve could think of was the pictures he'd seen from Bucky's file, when the Red Room and Hydra had him: Bucky helpless and in agony, strapped down to a table while indifferent technicians tore his arm apart.
Tony was a good friend; Steve trusted him completely. Steve knew Tony would never treat Bucky like that, or let anyone else treat him like that. And Steve definitely knew that Bucky would never let anyone close to his arm if he thought they'd hurt him.
But.
But everything Steve had found out about Bucky's arm showed that working on it hurt like hell. And Bucky had been forced to endure that for decades before he broke from Hydra's control. Somehow it didn't matter how many times Steve repeated Tony's a friend, you trust him over and over in his head—the rational part of him couldn't cool the panic searing his heart.
"Um, I think I'm just gonna go check on them," he told Clint, hoping the shaking in his voice wasn't that evident over the comm. "I'll keep you updated."
"I'm sure he's fine," Clint said. Steve winced at the deliberate calm in Clint's tone. "Tony's not gonna do anything bad to him."
Steve knew that. It wasn't anything he hadn't told himself. But it was Bucky's arm and what if it hurt him anyway?
Steve swallowed. "Yeah. You're probably right. But, uh, it won't hurt to see how he's doing."
He took off for the stairs. Elevators took too long anyway.
Steve skidded to a stop inside the doors to Tony's workshop with his fists clenched and his heart pounding. "Bucky!"
Bucky was in his undershirt, and had been sitting half-slumped over Tony's work table with his head resting on his right arm and his left stretched out. Both Tony and McKay were bent over it, wearing magnifying goggles and poking the inside of Bucky's arm with tools that Steve didn't recognize. Steve took it all in and for one helpless moment he was sure Bucky was dead before his eyes finally caught up to the horror in his mind.
Bucky jerked up violently when Steve came in, forcing the other two men to yank the tools away and leap back so he didn't clobber them in the face. "Jesus Christ, Steve! Y'almost gave me a heart attack!"
"Are you okay?" Steve demanded. It was too harsh, but his heart was still racing breakneck in his chest and Bucky's arm looked like it'd exploded. There were tiny, intricate-looking pieces scattered all over the table, some trailing wires as delicate as hair. It was exactly like the pictures of Hydra torturing him. "What are they doing?"
Tony looked at him like Steve had lost his mind, which didn't feel too far off. "It's okay, Pop Ice," he said. "Your heart will go on here is just fine."
"I'm just fine, Steve," Bucky repeated. "I am kind of pissed-off, though. Why the hell did you gotta run in here and terrify everybody?" He glanced at McKay and Tony. "You're real lucky Rodney's used to working under pressure. He almost tore something outta my bicep."
Steve winced. "I'm sorry. I just…" His eyes kept getting pulled back to the bits of arm. He tried to remind himself that Bucky was obviously fine, just like he'd said. But it looked so much like the file...
He swallowed. "Bucky?" Steve wasn't even sure what he was asking.
"I'm fine, Steve. It doesn't hurt," Bucky said, answering the unvoiced question. His voice had gentled, like he'd realized precisely why Steve was there. "Tony and Rodney are going to replace some stuff 'cause I asked them to. They're gonna put everything back just the way they found it. And they're being real careful—I swear I'm not feeling a thing."
"Right. Okay," Steve said distantly. He held the back of his neck, telling himself sternly to calm the hell down. It didn't help.
"And I'm sure Bucky would like to have two working arms before morning," Rodney added pointedly. "Which will be impossible if I have to work with Captain Crisis glowering over my shoulder."
"Yeah, Stevie. I'd like to get my arm back sometime tonight. And you're kinda' preventing it." Bucky's smile took the sting out of his words, though it didn't stop Steve feeling like an idiot. An idiot whose heart was still rattling.
"Nothing we're doing is going to hurt him, pinky swear," Tony said. He'd pushed his goggles up to his forehead and his brown eyes were knowing and kind.
"Of course. Sorry." Steve nodded miserably.
"Like he said. It's okay, Steve." Bucky's smile was fond but tired. "I'm fine, I promise. Go hang out with Nat and Clint. I'll see you soon." He lay back down on the table, turning his head away before he rested it on his right arm. As a polite dismissal went, it was pretty clear.
Steve left. He needed to let Clint know Bucky was fine anyway.
"Steve! Hey, Stevie—you still freaking out?"
"I'm not freaking out."
"Yeah, you're just wearing my moose hoodie 'cause you're cold," Bucky said with gentle sarcasm. He was leaning against the doorframe with the lean length of him silver as a ghost in the remnants of the light from the living room. Steve could see he had his arms crossed—both arms, thank God—and he was back in his tuxedo shirt, though the collar was unbuttoned and his jacket and tie were gone.
"You're beautiful," Steve said.
Bucky smirked. "Flattery will get you nowhere."
"Too bad." Steve sat up, pulling the hood onto his shoulders. He smiled crookedly, knowing Bucky could see it. "I was hoping it might get my best guy to forgive me for being an idiot. Again."
"Nothing to forgive," Bucky said easily. "Hell—even Rodney could tell something was off with you." His expression changed to concern. "You okay?"
Steve nodded, then grimaced. "Not really." He rubbed the back of his neck, then made himself meet Bucky's eyes. "It's just…what J.A.R.V.I.S. said was happening to your arm. It reminded me of the pictures of you, from before. When…when you…" He took a breath. "When they'd strap you down and rip your arm apart."
"Aw, Stevie." Bucky crossed the room and sat next to him on the bed. He put his arm around Steve's shoulders and pulled him close. Steve went more than willingly. "I wish you'd never seen those."
"I wish you'd never had to live through that," Steve countered. "They're…" He shook his head. "It's like looking at Hell. And knowing that it happened to you over and over and I wasn't there...that you didn't have anyone… I can't stand it."
Bucky pulled Steve closer to him. "It's okay," he said. "It's done. Over. I'm right here." He kissed the side of Steve's head. "And nobody's gonna do that to me again. Not when my best guy's got my back."
Steve sat up so he could meet Bucky's gaze. "Always."
Bucky nodded, his expression just as serious. "I know you get worried. But I promise I can take care of myself. And I can make my own choices. Tony and Rodney were just doing what I asked them to do." He held out his left arm. It gleamed with sleek menace even with the plastic necklace looped around it. "And they didn't hurt me. They made my arm better."
"I know," Steve said. "I won't forget that next time." He held out his hand. "May I see it? If that's okay?"
Bucky smirked. "Yes, Steve. You may see my arm. You may even touch it if you like," he said with exaggerated politeness. "Gimme a sec, though—this suit's driving me crazy." He stood and undid enough of his shirt buttons to be able to pull it off over his head. His shoes and the rest of his clothing followed until he was only in his boxers.
"Hang on," he said as he crawled back onto the bed. "I wanna try something."
Bucky used his left hand to card his fingers through Steve's hair. Then Bucky trailed his fingers down Steve's face, gently tracing the line of his nose and the contours of his cheeks, his chin and even the shell of one ear. "Wow." Bucky grinned delightedly. He smoothed his thumb over Steve's lips, and on impulse Steve opened them enough to dab the metal with his tongue.
Bucky shuddered, then looked at Steve in amazement. "Oh my God. Do that again."
Steve did.
"Holy fuck." Bucky pulled his hand back, staring at it like he expected it to look different. "It's as sensitive as my right." When he looked up his grin was enormous. "I mean, Rodney said it'd be, and everything else felt different, but…" He shook his head then laughed. "Touching you is a little different from touching buttons."
Steve couldn't help grinning back at him, sharing his happiness. He took Bucky's metal hand in both of his, holding it in one hand while stroking over Bucky's fingers and palm. That got another full-body shudder.
"That's it," Bucky said. "I'm moving to Canada."
Steve chuckled, trying to ignore the pang of jealousy, since he knew how unreasonable it was. "You said Rodney worked for the Air Force on space exploration."
"Then I'm moving to space."
"So that's how it is, huh? You're ditching me for a sarcastic Canadian?" Steve was almost certain he'd meant it to sound way more joking than that.
Bucky frowned at him. "I'm kidding." He tilted his head, looking like he didn't know if he should be confused or offended. "You really think I'd leave you?"
"No, of course not." Steve shook his head quickly, wishing he could dislodge the blush heating his skin. "I mean, McKay's already married," he said, trying for another joke.
That obviously didn't go over any better than the first one had, given the way Bucky's eyes widened. "You seriously think I'd leave you for anyone?"
"No! No, I really don't," Steve said, meaning it. He let go of Bucky's hand with one of his so he could cup the side of Bucky's face. "I don't. Honest. It's just…" He smiled in apology. "I'm not used to other people fawning all over you the way they fawn all over me. Which is a damn shame, because you're so amazing." He ignored Bucky's noise of disbelief. "But I guess I don't want to share. I like having you all to myself."
Bucky took Steve's wrist so he could kiss his palm. "I should probably find that creepy."
"Yeah, probably," Steve agreed. His palm tingled where Bucky's lips had touched it. "C'mere."
Bucky sank against him with a happy sigh. "I'd tell you to draw me like one of your French girls, but I'm too fucking beat after letting Abbott and Costello play with my arm for six hours."
Steve laughed. "No fooling. I'm surprised you lasted five minutes."
"Aw, they're funny." Bucky shifted a little, making himself more comfortable. "I love this hoodie. If you're not careful I'm gonna fall asleep like this."
"I don't mind." Steve kissed the top of his head. "Bucky?"
"Mmm?"
"Do you want to leave the Avengers? Not permanently," Steve added quickly when he felt Bucky's start of surprise. "I just meant, to go to university. You know, study astrophysics the way you always wanted to." He tucked Bucky's head under his chin. "Do what you want, for once, 'stead of always following me around."
"Hey, who says following you around isn't what I want?" Bucky sat up to look at Steve. "You think I got a problem with watching your back and helping save the world?"
"No." Steve grimaced. "I keep putting my foot in it tonight." He sighed. "All I meant was, you can go to university, if you want. There's no reason not to."
Bucky eyed him suspiciously, like he was just waiting for Steve to say something else stupid, then relaxed against him again. "I don't think I could stand going to classes with kids about 80 years younger than I am. 'Sides, Tony and Rodney said that I've already got a Bachelor's, pretty much, with all the reading I've been doing."
He sounded proud, and Steve couldn't blame him. "That's fantastic."
"Yup," Bucky said happily. "And Rodney said he'll send me a bunch of stuff I can study to get the equivalent of a PhD, if I want."
"Wow. Do you?"
Bucky shrugged. "Sure. It'll be fun."
"Fun." Steve smirked. "I think you and I have really different ideas of 'fun'. I'm happy for you, though," he added seriously. "If that's what you want, I'm glad you'll be able to do it."
"It is," Bucky said. "And yeah, me too. I never figured I'd get to do any of this stuff when we were scraping out a living back in Brooklyn, you know?"
"Yeah," Steve said on a breath. "It's funny, given everything that's happened—well, 'funny' isn't the right word—but, yeah. Before the war, I was certain my life would consist of trying to make a living when I wasn't too sick to work, and hopefully not dying of some illness or starving or freezing to death." He hugged Bucky a little tighter. "You were the best thing I had, but I was sure I'd never be able to tell you. Not the way I wished I could. But now, it's like…I've got everything I ever wanted."
"No fooling." Steve could hear Bucky's smile. "'Time was, the best thing I could hope for was making sure you didn't die of some illness or starve or freeze to death. And I sure as hell couldn't have you the way I wanted, either. You know," he said more softly, "I don't just admire Rodney because he's a great scientist. You know his husband's Air Force? He's a colonel. They got married in Canada a few years back. I remember reading about it, when I…" Steve felt him swallow. "When I was still tryin' to figure out who I was."
"Those months when you were going after Hydra?" Steve asked. He already knew the answer, but it was still somehow comforting to feel Bucky's nod. Steve would never stop wishing he could've been with him all those months. But he knew where Bucky had been and what he'd done now because Bucky had told him. That helped, a little.
"Yeah," Bucky said. "So, I read about how he got married to his boyfriend, and I… It's stupid. But reading about that, about how this genius scientist could be who he was and still have the life he wanted… That was the moment when I first started thinking that maybe I'd be okay."
"Oh," Steve whispered. "I guess I have a hell of a lot more to thank him for than just your awesome arm, then." His throat was a little tight.
"Well, Tony did a big chunk of it. You'll haveta thank him too." Bucky pulled out of Steve's arms to look at him again. "You know how much I love you, right? I mean, sure I admire Dr. McKay, but he's not you. The reason he made me think I might have something to live for was because of you. 'Cause of him, I realized that maybe I could have you."
"You've always had me," Steve said.
Bucky grinned, as big and bright as the stars. "I know, punk. You always had me, too."
Bucky,
It was truly a pleasure meeting you at the Stark Expo reception the other night, especially since I was able to lord it over John (my husband) when I got back. You should have seen him when I gave him the Expo agenda you signed—he was bouncing around like a Labrador Retriever with ADD (he insists otherwise, but I have video. It was hilarious). He was horridly upset that he didn't get to meet you in person, so I promised him that the next time I came to New York he could tag along and fanboy all over you in person. Consider yourself warned.
I hope you find the books useful. Please let me know if you need something more advanced. I've also included some of my more recent papers—they've just been unclassified, so you'll be one of the first outside of the military to read them.
When I was working on your arm, I couldn't help but notice your bracelet. And since apparently your boyfriend is incapable of getting you actual jewelry that isn't intended for small children, I took the liberty of finding you one myself. It was made by a good friend and co-worker of mine, using materials unique to the area where she lives. The metal that looks like copper is actually almost as rare as vibranium, so now you have something even better than Captain America's shield. (Though your arm was already better than his shield. Well, it certainly is now.)
My friend says the bracelets are normally made on special occasions, to cement ties between people, such as new alliances or trade agreements. It is not a 'friendship bracelet', despite how much John seems to want it to be, because that's idiotic and neither of us are tween girls.
Let me know if any of the crystals light up when you or Captain Rogers touch them.
M.R.I. McKay Phd Phd Phd
P.S.: Please also tell Tony that he's still an idiot, and that I'll be more than happy to prove it as soon as he has the guts to send me the blueprints of the latest version of what he laughingly calls his Iron Man suit.
P.P.S.: It is totally a friendship bracelet. – John S.
END