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Over the years, Kim Younghoon has never considered himself a particularly sappy person. He was never the hopeless romantic type or one that saw something beautiful in everything around him, and he’s long given up on religion. However, the way Chanhee throws his head back in a laugh, eyes and nose scrunching up, Younghoon thinks he might not be far from heaven after all. There’s an ache in his chest that won’t go away, but he kind of likes the way it hurts. The way his heart clenches at the sight of that smile, the sight of just barely visible freckles that resemble constellations bunching up around his nose when he snorts.
Younghoon doesn’t actually remember what he’s said, what joke he’s made or the snide remark that might’ve left his mouth that’s made Chanhee laugh like this, but he supposes it doesn’t really matter. He’s happy with being mesmerised by pearly teeth and blushy skin. Mesmerised by Choi Chanhee.
Choi Chanhee who wears clothes that are obviously not his in the way that they bag around his hips. Choi Chanhee who manages to look perfect despite the acne breakout that spots along his jawline that’s started to become defined as he’s gotten older. Choi Chanhee whose giggles feel like warm sunlight. His Choi Chanhee.
Sort of.
He’s never officially asked Chanhee out. Younghoon toes around it, tucks the idea in his pocket for another day because he’s still not able to tell if Chanhee is just being nice because Chanhee is just a nice guy, idiot, or if the boy really does like Younghoon the way that he likes Chanhee. They’re far too close for Younghoon to be fucking this up now.
It’s a Saturday afternoon, the winter sun is beginning to set over the horizon of the city and Chanhee is here inside Younghoon’s home. There was a silent question hanging over their heads of ‘Well… What do you want to do?’ , that neither of them end up asking nor answering. Simply because it’s nicer and warmer here, they had wordlessly agreed.
So that leads to here, now, both boys on top of crumpled bedsheets with Chanhee laughing at some stupid thing Younghoon has gone and said, and Younghoon absolutely entranced by this boy and his skin that looks so, so, so gorgeous in the natural light that lands at just the right angle through the window. He looks stunning, is what Younghoon wants to tell him. He doesn’t.
The giggles slow to a stop, until Chanhee is staring at the other boy with the small smile still on his face. The older feels his heart beat just that little bit faster.
“You know,” Chanhee begins, “I’m really grateful we’re friends, Hoonie.” Friends .
Younghoon swallows and manages a smile, “Me too, Chanhee-ah.”
They’re both facing each other now, laid on their sides with so many unspoken words hanging in the air. Younghoon pushes his face further into his pillow to hide the way his cheeks begin to flush at the way the younger is staring at him. The other giggles.
“You’re so cute, hyung.”
The older makes a noise of complaint, buries his face so Chanhee can’t see him, and it makes Chanhee laugh harder before he’s whining, “Hyung! I wanna see you! Stop hiding from me!” Younghoon can hear the pout before he sees it when he nudges his face just a little back to where Chanhee is lying, except oh God, he is definitely closer now.
Chanhee giggles again, and then he’s whispering a tiny and shy, “Hi.”
Younghoon feels fingers brushing through his hair to move it from his face, and it takes him a moment to register what’s happening. The hair that usually frames his face is fixed where it’s gone askew for him, and he can’t seem to wrap his head around how increasingly intimate this is. However, he certainly thinks he could die with the way his heart is beating right now.
The brushes of Chanhee’s fingers against his face leave a blaze in their path, but he seems to not notice, content on going back to running gentle hands through blonde tresses. There’s a look of peace on his face and Younghoon doesn’t want to disturb it, not when it’s as soothing as it is. He can’t find the energy to be embarrassed either when his eyes begin to droop, when he starts to doze off in Chanhee’s presence.
Or he was, until Chanhee speaks up again to ask, “You remember it’s your turn to make dinner tonight right? Changmin won’t be pleased if you sleep through it, and we all know how that goes.”
Younghoon’s face scrunches, eyes reluctantly dragging back open. He really doesn’t want to deal with an angry, hungry and bite-y Changmin right now if he can help it. He shifts from laying on his side and falls onto his back.
There’s giggles and snorts erupting from Chanhee because, “Oh my god, Hoonie, the way your face looked just now.”
Younghoon huffs through his nose, lips pulling into a pout as his neck cranes to look back at the younger. His hand is still entangled in his hair, playing quietly in a way that Younghoon realises Chanhee’s not actually wanting him to leave just yet anyway. So, with his heart in his hands, Younghoon snuggles in closer with his nose, like he’s a fox diving headfirst into snow.
Chanhee’s hand starts to thumb over his cheek, Younghoon’s eyes start to fall shut again with the promise of just 5 minutes more.
“Hyung?” Chanhee gently calls.
The older doesn’t open his eyes, content on the way he starts to doze again with Chanhee’s fingers caressing his skin. Instead, he hums in acknowledgement and hopes it’s enough to let Chanhee know he’s listening. It’s only when Chanhee falls quiet that he opens up to look at him.
Only Chanhee’s eyes are fixated on his mouth, and he’s flushed a pretty, rosy red. He swallows drily before whispering, “Would you be mad if I kissed you right now?”
It’s shy, giddy in a way that Younghoon can only smile sleepily rather than react in full.
“I think I’d be mad if you didn’t.”
Chanhee’s hand covers his mouth as he laughs, a constant habit he has, and Younghoon moves to grasp it with his own. He really loves Chanhee’s smile. He likes when it’s just the two of them, when Chanhee is at his most comfortable, smiling unabashed and without hiding it.
He’s not sure who moves first, but it’s not like it matters when he’s finally got the lips he’s wanted against his own for years. All Younghoon knows is the way Chanhee kisses is the same as he does everything else– Perfect.
His heart beats steady. It’s not like how romance novels describe it, or how the movies depict it. Where Younghoon expects fireworks, there is none. Instead, it’s like finally being satiated. It feels like he’s finally home after a long day.
Kissing Chanhee feels like coming home.
A palm comes up under Younghoon’s neck, angling him until Chanhee can deepen the kiss how he wants. Younghoon only grasps loosely at his shirt, kissing back with as much matching fervour as his energy will let him. He licks at the seam of Chanhee’s lips until it makes the younger giggle.
When they pull away, it’s reluctant and with Younghoon chasing after Chanhee’s lips again. He pouts, and Chanhee indulges him with a little peck. It’s easy to decide then and there that kissing Chanhee might be Younghoon’s favourite thing to do.
The older picks at loose strings that fray on the sleeve of Chanhee’s shirt, looking anywhere but his face and continuing to pick at bits of lint until he finally braves himself enough to ask.
“Are we dating now?”
The air doesn’t stale. Time doesn’t stop around them, Younghoon doesn’t feel like his life is ending despite all these years spent in hiding of how he felt.
Delicate fingers play with his own, gently tracing over the lines of his palm, memorising the feel of his fingertips. Younghoon has to bite back wanting to intertwine them in favour of not disturbing the peace that’s written all over Chanhee’s face.
Chanhee smiles.
“It kinda feels like we have been, hasn’t it?”
And he’s supposes Chanhee’s right. He’s got the matching rings and their shared studio just to prove it. He knows Chanhee seeks comfort in him like he does nobody else, that he doesn’t easily let people into his space but for some reason Younghoon seems to be the exception.
Younghoon smiles back.
“I guess you’re right.”