Chapter Text
The resounding thunk of Edelgard’s head falling against the throne room’s tile flooring echoed dully throughout the room. Then, the sound of Dimitri’s whisper.
“It is done.” He said.
Beside Felix, the sounds of crying and clanging armor coming together rose in volume as his friends and old classmates hugged. He could roughly make out Sylvain coming to clasp him on the shoulder, saying something in pure relief against his ear before leaving to find Ingrid. All Felix could do, however, was watch his king. The great boar was kneeling before the headless body of Edelgard. Despite everything, the war, the deaths, she was someone they had all gone to school with. A classmate. The same as the ones who were crying in joy now. Dimitri roughly raised himself up onto his feet at the sound of their professor walking up behind him.
Byleth spoke to him too quietly to be heard over the ruckus, but Felix still strained his ears, attempting to hear something. Honestly, he was worried this incident with Edelgard would put the boar back into a downward spiral. Who knew how his ghosts worked. To Felix, the touch of madness Dimitri had with him was something he could never anticipate, and he would hate to see his fr- the boar like that again.
Luckily, however, as the two turned back down the stairs to join the group Felix could see no darkness behind the man’s eyes. Just relief as he looked over his friends. It finally felt like the end, and Felix finally sheathed his sword. The few steps it took to carry him closer to Dimitri felt overly drawn out and too slow for how eager he truly felt. Dimitri’s large fur cape engorged the man before him, he truly looked nothing like the boy Felix had grown up with. And yet… his eye was the clearest he had seen since those days of boyhood.
That blue eye settled on him as he walked up.
“Time to go home, Felix.”
Then, Dimitri smiled at him. Like he used to. All at once, the part inside Felix that he promised himself never to recognize, nor to even think of re-emerged. It felt like his heart restarted, beating in double as he looked into the face of his oldest friend. It felt something like hope.
*****
The months directly after the war were spent stabilizing the territory. The kingdom had gone through years of turmoil and it was a tall order to ensure any and all of Edelgard’s previous contacts and infiltrators were truly gone. Security over the king never lessened however; there would be no telling if they found every rat after all. Typically the king would tour the kingdom after his coronation, but the hard winter and the threat of potential assailants did not allow for this, and so it was postponed.
This news did not slow Dimitri though, instead he sent personal letters and missives to every territory and noble family ensuring they were settling into their new roles well. Some of the letters were to their old friends as well, like Ingrid who had taken it upon herself to act as an extended arm of Dimitri. In his place, she traveled to the regions near her family’s territory and further north towards House Gautier and wrote of the condition of each family’s land. This obviously took a heavy weight off the king’s shoulders and he was able to slow down in the nights following the start of Ingrid’s correspondences.
Through it all, Felix watched. He took it upon himself to take his new position of advisor more along the lines of security. That suited him better anyway- he was raised with prowess on the battlefield in mind, and all of his political classes went over his head anyway. The only way he could advise in court was by means of loudly objecting when one of the lords tried to bring up some objective nonsense , but otherwise he used his time to keep a watchful eye over the king.
The single hardest part of this new job though— Dimitri had a nasty habit of hardly ever sleeping. He often told Felix not to worry about it, which only served to make the man wonder how long his king suffered sleepless nights. Which all led to tonight. Much like the previous ones, Felix was attempting to wind down the day’s work as the sun had already set hours ago. Getting Dimitri to do anything he didn’t want to was another story, it was like trying to herd cats.
“You’re going to fall asleep in the middle of the meeting tomorrow.” he told the boar with a drawn out sigh.
“I know my limits, Felix. I just have a few more notes to get through so I can start again in the morning. Promise.”
Dimitri didn’t even look up at him, he simply continued to scribble over his parchment, eye looking over the vast swatches of letters that littered his desk. Felix felt frustration bubble up his chest. He didn’t blow up like he did when he was younger, let the pressure build until he exploded like a kettle left on too long. That didn’t mean he didn’t still feel like throttling the man in front of him. One, two, three… Felix counted out his breaths before he spoke again.
“Tell me what it is then. I’ll help you.”
Dimitri looked up at him, his sole eye opened large and blinked owlishly at him before recognizing he needed to respond.
“Well, tonight I am responding to requests for resources and to readjust allocations of assets from some territories’ portions to be moved to others. With most of the young men from farming communities having left home to respond to the war effort, the harvest this year has been impacted…”
The king frowned down at his work, as if by pure will power he could solve it with his stare alone. Felix sighed and pulled over a stool and positioned himself at the opposite side of the desk. This did sound like important work that needed to be responded to quickly, unfortunately. As much as he would rather move Dimitri to bed— not that way. Felix’s mind whirred to stop for a moment, just those words hovering in his mind was enough to threaten to send a blush to his cheeks. No, as much as he would like to make Dimitri sleep he couldn’t help that tonight’s late night seemed more necessary than most.
Mentally shaking himself, honestly , he set his sights on the nearest missive and tore it open. Felix was used to infrequently helping Dimitri with his work, he truly did need the help some days. He didn’t mind it then, didn’t mind having to sit close to Dimitri, watch his eyelashes dust softly over his cheek, or watch how the ink smudged up his hand. It was sleepy in the quiet study, most servants already gone to bed and the bustle and fervor that usually clung to the castle halls was silenced. The space felt transported on nights like this. Like he and Dimitri were alone in some room far away from their responsibilities.
They worked quickly through the pile, tonight they simply made notes of who needed what and where they could get it from. Felix was working unusually hard, his quill hardly slowing despite his self-professed hatred for work like this. He paused when he realized he couldn’t hear his partner’s quill and looked up. Dimitri had paused in his work and was watching Felix with a satisfied smile on his lips.
“What?” Felix ground out.
“Nothing, you just don’t usually take to work so well like this. I appreciate it. If we continue at this pace we may finish soon and you will be free to cart me off to my bed chambers as you like.”
Dimitri smiled at him, something small and conspiratal before looking back down at the papers on his desk and returning to his work. The sound of the king's quill scratching against the parchment soothed Felix. The room had a romantic feel to it; soft sounds encompassed by the crackling fire in the large hearth, with tea and snacks cooling by the plush armchairs in front of it. Outside the winds howled and snow billowed past the large windows that overlooked the castle grounds, but neither of the men cared enough to pull the curtains shut. He took a moment, just a small one, to feel immense pride for his king. He had come so far, and despite his boarish behavior for some, ten odd years? It all created the man in front of him now. A peerless man who stood just as tall as his ancestors. It was easy to remember how ardently he loved this man.
Felix set down his quill once he reached the end of his pile and laid his head down on his crossed arms. He watched the man across the desk efficiently move through the remaining letters. All the while Felix thought of his own feelings. He grew up with Dimitri, and knew him as one of his closest friends for his entire childhood. The events at Duscur changed his perception of his perfect prince. It also made him realize that he did not simply look up to Dimitri as a friend, no, he also lost his first love that day on the battlefield.
His innocent affection for the prince left him that day, and all he felt at Glenn’s funeral was numb. Even more so when Dimitri emerged a changed boy after that day. If Felix’s perception of him didn’t change, Dimitri already did enough for them both. Felix knew now what the boy thought all these years later, but it was hard to empathize with him throughout school. How he could prioritize the dead over the living was something Felix could never understand.
Those years he spent hating Dimitri he also spent looking at him. Watching him grow, and learn to accept Felix’s harsh words. Which, of course, he wished he could take back now. This was another thing Felix fought with, he was hurt beyond compare when Dimitri faded away and simply forgot Felix was his best friend too. But, it was another thing to poke at him, prod at him when he was already gone so far away.
Nothing Felix said could have brought back the boy he knew. Looking up from his position on top his arms, Felix looked at the large man now. His hair was pulled away from his handsome face tonight and he had his usual fur cape draped over one of the chairs by the fire, put down to really get to work some hours ago. If Felix asked himself honestly, he really wouldn’t trade this man for the boy that died in Duscur. The man that sat here, seriously tending to his country, who fought and bled for years for its freedom; well, he earned his place on the throne. And he earned his way back into Felix’s heart.
It was truly one of the hardest days of his life when they found him at the monastery years after everyone pronounced him dead. He had been wasted away, eye sunken, one eye missing , and muttered to his ghosts more often than he looked directly at any one of his previous classmates. Felix’s heart ached for him. He looked at that man and wished he could have gone back to their school days, spent more time with him before he wasted away in madness. Which was one of Felix's worst nightmares now, that one day he might suddenly revert and be too far gone to ever come back to himself.
Luckily that was not the case, as he sits here across from him, happily finishing his work. With a theatrical flourish just for Felix, he scribbled out the last note and set down his quill. He looked up expectantly at Felix with a small smile playing on his lips.
“Yeah, yeah, good job. Now let’s go to bed.”
Felix got up from the stool and stretched out his limbs, waiting for Dimitri to step out from behind his desk. When he didn’t immediately move Felix turned to look at him. He was still sitting there, watching Felix with a look on his face like he was daydreaming.
“Do you need me to come around and help you down the hall?”
At Felix’s hard tone of voice Dimitri visibly startled and looked up at him, before he hastily stood, almost knocking over his entire desk. With a flustered wave he came around to walk past the shorter man and grabbed his cloak. He locked the clasp in place and waited briefly for Felix to come around to the heavy wooden door, before opening and allowing Felix to step out into the hallway. The plush rug that stretched the length of the hallway muffled his footsteps when Felix walked out. Like he thought, the castle was mostly deserted at this time of night.
“I,” Dimitri cleared his throat with a cough, “I wanted to tell you, Felix. That I, well I said it earlier, but I do appreciate these nights you spend with me. I know you only do it because you worry for my health, but it does make the night not seem so terrible.”
Felix looked back over his shoulder at the man, angling his head to look up at him. He was trying not to make eye contact with him, which Felix appreciated since he never got comfortable with it. Though, Dimitri’s intention seemed to be out of his own embarrassment.
“It’s fine. Not like I was doing anything else.”
“No comment on the issue of my health?”
Dimitri closed the door softly behind them and they began walking towards the king’s chambers, which was up one flight of stairs.
“You need to sleep more. Whenever you stay up too late you get foggy and stare off into space the next day.”
“I do not.” Dimitri sounded petulant, sending an accusing stare at the side of Felix’s head.
“You definitely do. And besides, it’s not like I do any actual ‘advising.’ I just sit there during your meetings, and watch out for anyone trying to gut you.”
“That isn’t true.” The king’s tone softened. “I rely on you as my closest confidant these days. It isn’t helpful to have someone simply agree with everything I say, I need you there Felix. Especially since the king cannot call the delegate from Rowe a dumbass.”
Felix looked at Dimitri from the corner of his eye. They were climbing the stairs now, rounding the corner and soon they’d be in front of his doors. Walking alone with Dimitri was typically the best part of his day.
“Well, he was being an ass today. We won the war, he doesn’t need extra troops to protect his lands, the border has been empty for months now.”
“And I agree with that. I just can’t call him an ass while I explain the lack of necessity.”
“Maybe you should, maybe then those old family heads would stop trying to walk all over you.”
Felix ran hot thinking about it. The old families heard about Dimitri’s illness and while no one could dispute his claim to the throne, they very well could go on believing it was something to be exploited. Dumbasses.
"It's fine, I don't blame them honestly. I understand how I am perceived, and all I can do is work to regain my people's trust. It will be a long road, I suspect."
"Perhaps not as long as you expect."
They came to a stop outside Dimitri's rooms and the king looked faintly like he wanted to say something, opening his mouth, but then closing it and turning away. As he entered his rooms, Felix began to walk away but heard Dimitri's voice from the doorway.
"Goodnight, Felix."
Felix waved a hand but continued on his way back down the hallway to where his own room was, tucked away in a turret. It was out of the way but still on the same floor as Dimitri’s. He chose it because of its proximity to the king’s chambers, should anything happen. Not that anything would, Dedue spent his employment at the castle to mean skulking the premises and staring down anything out of place. The placement also meant sharing the same meal with Dimitri, which allowed Felix to watch over his king’s meals in an unobtrusive way. The usual chambers for the king’s advisor were farther away, and were near the other rooms for special court advisors and foreign dignitaries.
The funny thing was that Felix was not the only Blue Lion that chose to stay in the royal castle; Anne was usually holed up in the library and was preparing to teach at the Royal School of Sorcery in the fall next year. In fact, they had quite a few mages residing in the castle. Linhardt, along with Dorothea and Ferdinand, defected from the Adrestian Empire when the war broke out. His reasoning was that he preferred peace and solitude to conduct his research on crests, purely for academic’s sake. Definitely not because Lysithea also came to support Faerghus over the past few years, and decided to stay at the castle for the winter. How long Linhardt would stay after Lysithea departed in the spring, however, Felix could not guess.
Though the castle had so many from their old group running around, they did not bump into each other very often. There was always a way to stay busy, and now that the war was over there was still much to be done. Sylvain was already settled back in his own territory. As Felix opened the door to his room he sent out a silent prayer that his old friend would finally settle down with someone one of these days. The constant skirt chasing was getting old, but honestly he wouldn’t be good to any woman anytime soon. Ashe and Mercedes still worked tirelessly to lessen the impact of the war on the regular citizens of their kingdom. While the hard winter made it difficult, some of their own requests floated across the desk that Felix and Dimitri just went over. The last of their troupe, Dedue, had been hovering over Dimitri anytime that Felix wasn’t, but when he took the odd time off he was eagerly devoting himself to ensuring the security around the castle, and kingdom, was at its best. Along with him at his side, surprisingly, was Shamir.
Honestly, Felix was glad for the company, surely they all were. It was as if those that stayed in the castle this winter did so to cushion the impact that leaving would have. They all had their separate lives outside the war and their days at Garreg Mach, but there was a finality to it this time; they had no five-year promise to guide them back together now. Felix supposed the thing that will tie them together now is the strength of their friendship and the bonds they formed. If Felix were in their shoes, though, he would have left and never looked back. That is, if Dimitri did not still need him to mother hen him around all day.
Felix looked up at his dark windows. The chill from outside could be felt through the glass, but he was thankful for the servant that lit his fireplace so that his room was not so terribly frigid. He made quick work of undressing, making sure to leave his faithful sword next to his bedside. If he was lucky, perhaps he would get a few hours of sleep before he would be awoken for the meeting tomorrow morning. And then, to do it all again.
*****
“... Then we will have House Gautier begin talks with Sreng soon. We could both benefit from the trade, not to mention the increase in morale it will give the people to hear we are prioritizing healing old relationships.”
“ Sreng ? I sincerely doubt that we need to tarry ourselves with that just yet.” One of the lords in the back of the room addressed Dimitri.
Great . The lords and counts and every other dickhead in the room were going to jump in to say what a bad idea it was to make friends with a neighbor. Felix rolled his eyes. He was bored out of his mind at this meeting. If it wasn’t one disaster after another that had Dimitri scrambling, it was this room of stuffy old men trying to trick him into giving them some useless power to hoard over the others. Felix realized with a jolt that Dimitri was sending him an intensely baleful look, clearly he had his limit of their backtalk today as well.
“So then should we just move our troops to the Sreng border now? Since it sounds like no one in here approves of making them an ally, do you want to declare war instead?” Felix spoke up, his almost-shout cutting across the room, silencing the bickering voices. “You all sound insane today, more so than usual. If we can restart trade we can begin moving in more resources and food that the kingdom is in short supply of this winter, and honestly, it's not like they'll magically appear in spring either. We’ll probably have to have this conversation again in a few months.”
“Yes, as Lord Fraldarius states, the kingdom is in short supply of several necessary resources that our people need to get through the winter, and prepare for next year’s harvest. For one, our iron stores have been depleted from the production of weapons and armor, which will need to be recovered and repurposed. This means that any household items that need to be mended or any new farm equipment that needs to be made for the planting season will have to be postponed, which is not what we need the year after a war—”
Now that the attention was shifted back into Dimitri’s proposition Felix tuned the meeting back out. Vaguely he knew that next year they will have to start moving new advisors into the court. The ones sitting here today were, for the most part, chosen with speed in mind more than quality of character. They were barely preferable to Adrestian spies at this point. No, spies would actually do a better job than these louts. Honestly, the king shouldn’t have to work so hard to implement what were objectively good ideas. The rest of the time that Dimitri took up with his rehearsed speech went by, and the lords were finally in agreement with their king and hopefully it meant that their stores would soon be back to operational.
As the men and women began filing out of the room, Felix stood and stretched out the kinks in his back and neck from having to stoop over in his chair.
“Your posture is very bad, Felix. You might need to see a healer, or perhaps write to Mercedes and ask if she has any recommendations.”
Dimitri was looking at Felix with concern as he took in the plethora of loud cracks.
“It’s because we haven’t been sparring lately. If you could just take some time away from work you wouldn’t have to worry about my back.”
“I’d love to but there is still far too much to be done. You should go, enjoy yourself and when you return to my study later maybe you could bring along some of Lysithea’s sweets.”
The king smiled at him, and Felix turned his head away. His cheeks felt hot and he knew he was blushing. He had no idea how Demitri found out about him liking Lysithea’s baking, as it was well known that Felix normally hated sweet foods. Demitri himself could hardly taste them, so he was really only asking for Felix’s sake.
“Maybe.”
With that curt reply Felix turned on his heel and stomped out of the room, and straight to his chambers. The mirror on the desk by the window told him his blush still lingered high on his cheeks. He turned his eyes away and tried to think of things other than his unusually thoughtful king, like iron prices and how much the woman from Charon was sweating. Dragging a hand down his face he walked closer to the window. The snow had stopped momentarily, some beams of sunlight filtering through the dense cloud cover. The beams hit the landscape of rolling hills and the snow that covered them reflected an array of twinkling jewel-like sparkles across every surface. Felix had to lift a hand up to cover his eyes, it was so bright. Perhaps a trip down to the training room would be a good idea. He didn’t feel like dealing with the outdoor center he frequented often in his childhood; he knew the chill would return swiftly.
So, Felix picked his way through the castle and down past the kitchens toward the training room tucked away on the bottom floor, toward the rear entrance that led to the side gardens. The room was bare for the most part, just a few dummies, as the previous king did not have much use for it. Once Dimitri’s schedule allowed more free time he would resupply it for his own personal use. Felix took his time there, swinging at the dummy and going through all of his stances and techniques, and by afternoon had worked up a sweat and needed to take a break for lunch. He had unbuttoned his vest long ago, but elected to leave it open down his chest and grabbed a towel on his way out of the room. He’d have to change before he felt comfortable enough to sit down for his meal but he snuck an apple on his way past the kitchen on the way to his rooms.
As he was walking back out the kitchen doors he almost walked straight into a head of long white hair. He looked down at Lysithea who, true to what Dimitri mentioned earlier, was holding a platter of small delicate looking baked squares with nuts on the top. Felix’s stomach grumbled loudly and he remembered to back up and apologize to the woman.
“Sorry Lysithea, didn’t see you.”
“It’s fine, I was rushing- ugh, you’re sweaty…” Lysithea wrinkled her nose up but kept the platter between them. “Dimitri asked me to make these last night and they just finished so I was going to wrap some up, you can take them up for me actually.”
“Dimitri asked you to?” Felix frowned.
“Of course he did, he said he missed Ashe’s cooking and asked me to whip some things up since he missed home cooking. Honestly, how could I say no to that.” Lysithea leaned forward a bit, pink eyes narrowing at Felix, “He’s looking better these days, isn’t he? He isn’t so skinny anymore.”
“He does look good.”
“Exactly; it’s the only reason I don’t mind popping away from the library. Well, other than Linhardt’s badgering, he keeps pestering me to help with his research like I don’t already need to work on a way to help my family. Wait there for a minute while I put a cloth over these.”
Dutifully, Felix waited in the doorway while Lysithea picked her way through the room, excusing herself when she squeezed past the cooks. He took large bites out of his apple, finishing it quickly and tossed it in the bin with food scraps for the farm animals they had on the grounds. Lysithea rejoined him shortly and handed him a full platter of sweets that he could smell through the cloth.
“What are they?”
“Pecan squares. Well, half pecan, half walnuts, there weren’t enough pecans here.”
“Yeah, working on that. Thanks Lysithea. I’m going up to Dimitri’s study right after I wash up.”
“I know, you’re always up there, hence why I’m giving them to you.”
She smiled at him, then turned to go back to the library most likely. She was one of their old classmates that really grew on him, and he could now call a good friend. With his goods in tow, Felix made quick work of washing up with the bowl of water in his room and put on a fresh shirt, deciding to forego his vest since he doubted he’d be leaving Dimitri’s study today. Feeling lighter than he had in the past few weeks, he walked into the study without pausing, no need to knock when the room was occupied by Felix just as often as the king.
“Felix! Perfect timing- listen I wanted your opinion on something here.”
Dimitri wasn’t phased in the least by his sudden entrance, and Felix found him pacing in front of the fire, holding a letter in his hand. He looked up at the swordsman, he knew it was him even before looking up, and paused once he saw the tray in his hands.
“First you should eat. I doubt you took a break for lunch so I’ll call for that,” Felix looked over at the footman by the door, who nodded once and went downstairs to fetch them some food, “but in the meantime, Lysithea made those pecan squares you love so much and missed so dearly .”
Dimitri had the good judgment to blush lightly, and look away.
“I understand they are quite good.”
“They are. So you should have one while we wait— and no talk about work while we wait. Take a few minutes off Dimitri, you’ve been running since the sun came up.”
The man visibly deflated, for some reason he always quieted when Felix addressed him by name.
“You’re right, of course Felix. Let’s sit by the fire for a while. Tell me, how was the training room?”
Dimitri sat in one of the arm chairs in front of the fire and extended a welcoming arm, beckoning Felix to sit next to him. Felix set the tray down on the small table between the chairs and sank into the plush velveteen cushion. Together they chatted, just small talk while waiting for their lunch to arrive. Much like any other day in the castle, which was quickly becoming their new normal routine. To spend the day together, and to spend their time in a warm bubble of friendship- which was exactly how it would remain.
Felix loved Dimitri, this much was true, but he would never let it color his words or change his actions. He’d serve the man for as long as he’d allow. Always just a step behind, watching that strong back hold up his new mantle. He’d never intrude, and he’d never say to the extent which his feelings delved. Felix prayed these days would never end.