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"I've been having these weird thoughts lately. Like, is any of this for real ... or not?"
Bad couldn't have been more wrong.
He hadn't been able to count the days as much as he did before, but he could've sworn at least two months had passed ever since he had last encountered Skeppy.
Which- alright, maybe it was fair. It wasn't like they had exchanged any kind of contact – no, he hadn't given him his genshin impact ID – so it didn't surprise him that they hadn't been able to keep in touch.
Still.
Still, Skeppy had always seemed to find a method to get to him, one way or another.
Bad had been getting weird dreams about three months into deprivation of human contact other than his flatmates, dreams that were quite honestly starting to drive him crazy.
Every other night, he'd either get dreams or nightmares, depending on the context of them; each one starred both him and the stranger he had grown fond of, in a multitude of different situations he could barely recall the details of as soon as he woke up again. Bit by bit, he would completely forget about them the longer he tried to talk or explain them.
Sam and Ant had both offered their help to seek this person out again, but Bad had dismissed them, judging the situation as simply him going crazy over nothing.
He knew he was a professional overthinker anyways.
Truth be told, his two friends had actually made some sort of research behind his back, but with no success. There had been no track of this mysterious Skeppy, no trace of any existing social media and the man had never been mentioned once anywhere. It was as though he had suddenly appeared in Bad's life and then left just as fast, leaving not a single evidence of his existence.
For someone with hacking skills as good as Sam's, this man had been possibly the most interesting cryptid and the person with the most secured privacy he had ever known.
All the while, Bad had started thinking that, perhaps, in some sort of twisted game his mind had wanted to play, he might've altogether imagined this Skeppy up and he should've seen a therapist as soon as he could've.
These thoughts had been promptly and gently shut down by his flatmates.
It had felt way too real, anyway.
There was no way he didn't exist, right?
Bad woke up one day from another of his less pleasant nightmares, where all he could feel around himself was the scorching heat of lava and the confused thought of why his skin wasn't melting yet. He had dived in and reached for something he couldn't pinpoint, despite his mind being set on a single target, which was, of course, none other than Skeppy.
This was getting ridiculous.
He was tired, both physically and emotionally, tired of something he couldn't fully understand. Something that seemed to be eating him alive more than he would've liked to, something that absolutely drove him insane because what in the world had the right to mess him up so hard? Why would a random guy he met less than he saw the cashier at a local grocery store overwhelm him to that point?
There was no possible connection between them he could think of, so why bother him this much?
He decided that, actually, he was fed up with it.
He was going to find Skeppy be it the last thing he did, because they needed to talk about this shit.
And maybe the latter would've labelled him as a freak and completely cut ties with him, but at least his heart would've found peace after that.
Once back in the streets, he started scouting places where he had met him before. The coffeeshop, the mall, the park, places full of people that should've bothered him, but somehow he couldn't let that ail him. He just wanted to find Skeppy and an end to this madness.
The stranger didn't seem to be in any sort of public place, not even once spotted by people Bad knew to be regularly strolling outside - because, yes, he even went as far as talking to other complete strangers to gather as much information as he could.
There was a single option left.
He hated it, but he was also still desperate and very, very sleep deprived.
Bad headed towards the coffeeshop and, once inside, he reached the counter with quick steps; the girl on the other side opened her mouth to speak, before her eyes actually landed on his face. She caught herself, narrowing her stare.
« Well, that's a face I hadn't wanted to see again. »
« I know- listen. I'm sorry this may be weird, but, » Bad stuttered, looking to the side. Was trying to gain information from Skeppy's ex actually the correct answer? « I'm sorry I need to bring Skeppy up- »
« Don't. » she put a hand up. « Don't wanna hear it. »
« Please, just listen- »
« I'm not sure how clear it is that I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. » she raised her voice, but not enough to let other customers hear their conversation.
« It's not- it's more about me than it is about him. » when he saw her look back at him, her distrust wavering, he took the chance. « Please. » if pity brought him anywhere, he hoped it could lead him to victory.
She seemed to weigh her options, biting the inside of her cheek, before looking around the shop to make sure no other customers were kept waiting.
« This better be quick. »
« I promise, it is, I just- I was wondering if you still had his number. »
The girl shot him a look. « Aren't you guys dating or something? And you don't have his number? »
Bad sighed deeply and shook his head lightly. « It's far more complicated than it sounds. »
At that, her interest was piqued. « How ... complicated? How so? » she leaned on the counter with her arms crossed on top of it.
« I haven't seen him in so long. It's like he's disappeared, like there's- »
« No trace of him left. » she finished for him, nodding quietly to herself. « It happened sometimes. I know he would shut himself away for days, sometimes weeks, and I was unable to contact him in any shape or form. » she snorted. « I think that's what drove me a little crazy and made me so attached. To the point that I became way too clingy. » he scoffed. « That was kinda cringe. »
A million questions surged in Bad's mind. « He just- he just did that? »
« Mhm. » she nodded. « So, yeah, might be the case. I don't want to talk about him anymore, though, I'll just fetch you the number and then you'll be outta here, are we clear? »
« Of course. » he agreed. No matter how long Skeppy would be gone, he could have a breakthrough thanks to that contact, so being left in the dark as to why he actually disappeared didn't bother him as much. He could've just asked him later.
Bad returned home just in time for it to be getting dark and chilly outside: he was met with Sam and Ant's eyes set on him the moment he walked in their kitchen.
« So? »
« We saw the note. » Ant provided, pointing to the piece of paper on the counter top. He was the only one sitting at the table munching on some chips and previously texting something on his phone.
« I didn't find him. » his friends' expressions both dropped. « But I got his number. »
« Are you serious? » Sam leaned forward the moment Bad showed a piece of paper crumpled up in his hand. « I couldn't find anything about him when I searched- how? »
« His ex. » Bad shrugged, taking a seat next to Ant. « I already sent him a text, so we'll see how it plays out from now. »
« I'm sure he'll respond, he can't ghost you for no reason. » Ant took another chip from the bag, while Sam paced around the room in despair. Yeah, finding the simplest solutions to issues he couldn't have solved himself really took a toll on him.
« Actually ... » Bad put his elbow on the table, supporting his head on his hand. « His ex also told me he sometimes disappeared. I don't think it ever happened for this long, though ... »
« Huh. » Ant seemed to consider something, stopping midway from eating yet another chip, before he munched on it as well. He started talking with his mouth full again. « Do you think he's, like ... » he waited for his mouth to be empty again. « I don't wanna assume, but do you think he's kinda depressed? That would explain the absence and lack of contact. People shut themselves in for that. »
« I don't know. » Bad admitted, looking between the table and Sam's pacing. « But if that's the case, I don't really want to push it. »
« Yeah, no. » Ant agreed. « Totally. I do believe that, if he just straight up told you about his problems the first day you met him ... maybe he's gonna talk about that easily too. »
The night went by just as he expected: there was no text back, not a call, nothing to prove Ant's words right.
Before he went to sleep, he made sure to send another text, a little incentive for Skeppy to reach out in case his friend had actually been spot on about his condition.
- if you need someone to talk to know that im here
Bad wasn't sure whether he should've dozed off or not.
The answer was no.
He found himself gasping as he woke up in the middle of the night, flashes of the dream he just had scattered in his mind: Skeppy was there and so was his dog, there were two dogs actually, they were simply hanging out and having fun. When he extended his hand, he noticed his skin was pitch black. Skeppy had pulled him along a beach strangely close to some plains, smiling widely at him. He often wore a trademark blue hoodie in his dreams.
The more he tried to remember the details, the more they slipped away yet again.
Bad sighed deeply and took his phone to look at the time: it was four in the morning and he had a missed call from Skeppy.
He did a double take.
A missed call from Skeppy.
Adrenaline rushed to his guts as he immediately turned the light on in his room, waking himself up right then. He pressed the "call back" button and put the phone to his ear before he could even hear it ringing.
After numerous beeps, a robotic voice answered.
"The number you have dialed does not exist, or currently has no service."
There was a beat of silence before the same sentence was repeated.
What?
Bad rushed to his text messages, finding only a notification of a missed call from three hours prior.
- i tried to call you back but it says your number doesnt exist
- or maybe its your service? are you not home? where are you?
- its so late at night
- i just hope your okay
He got to his feet after contemplating the nothingness in his room: there was no way his anxiety was going to let him fall back asleep anyway, better make his time worth it while he could.
Pacing around softly to make sure he didn't wake the others up, Bad took himself to the kitchen and started warming up some water, preparing a teabag in one of his mugs in the meantime. He tapped on every possible surface, glancing to his phone in hopes of it lighting up as soon as he looked at it.
He had even switched it from being on silent. His phone was always on silent.
Once his tea was ready, he let himself fall ungracefully on a chair, brushing the sleep away from his eyes after he did so.
Halfway through it, there was a knock on his front door.
Needless to say, his anxiety shot up and hit the ceiling. Who could've possibly knocked on his door at such an ungodly hour of the night if not some type of serial killer? Okay, maybe those don't just knock on your door instead of barging in themselves, but who in the world would've ever done that?
His mind raced with different options, ranging from the scariest ones to the safest: what if it was a kid who had lost his parents and had looking for a place to stay? He couldn't have been a monster and left him out there right?
« Ugh, shut up. » he told his brain out loud, because that was what he did when he was starting to lose his marbles.
Thankfully, his door had a peephole he could've looked through regardless.
There was yet another knock on the door the moment he reached it to check who it could've been.
What the hell.
What. The. Hell.
The door swung open and Bad was met with Skeppy's eyes staring right back at him.
« What kind of sick joke is this? » because Bad was definitely hallucinating, right? He hadn't stopped dreaming at all, hadn't he?
« I don't have much time. » Skeppy looked like he had been running his way across the town. « Please, let me in. »
« Why didn't you just call? »
He shook his head as though that was the stupidest question. « No- I forgot to recharge money in my phone. »
« You forgot to. » that would've explained him having no service.
« I don't have money, now please let me- »
« You don't have money?! » Bad whisper-yelled.
« That's not the point- »
« Skeppy, you're scaring me. » the two glanced at each other in two differently desperate manners. « What the heck is happening? Do you need help? » Bad was afraid he was getting into something much bigger than he was.
« No sort of help you can give me, but- » Skeppy bit his lip and sighed. « Listen, it's not gonna be pleasant. But I can explain. »
« Explain what? Your absence? »
« Everything. From start to finish. Why I talked to you in the first place, why you find me so weird- everything. »
Bad stared at him dumbfounded.
« Please, I don't have much time. »
« I ... » he couldn't help but comply, stepping aside to let him in. The thought that he had never even told Skeppy where he lived before missed his mind.
The latter made his way to the kitchen where the tea had been left unattended, sitting down right next to the chair in front of it. Bad took the other one.
Skeppy seemed to fidget before he muttered. « This is going to sound fucking crazy. » he shook his head to himself, before looking up at the other. « I'll have to leave out the specifics because I'm not allowed to talk about it. » he explained, his leg shaking ever so slightly. He looked down, before gazing back up at Bad. « The reason why I approached you is- I knew you were going to be kind to me. » somehow, this made even less sense. « I knew we were going to click one way or another, when I saw you- I- gods, I was so happy to- to have found you. »
Bad's expression shifted to confusion. « What do you mean found me? »
« I'm- I know this is weird, but I'm not who you might think I am. I'm not just a regular person, I- » Skeppy struggled to explain. « I have seen things. In places nobody else can reach. And in each place ... there's a version of you. A version of you that is always kind and caring towards me, no matter what. »
« ... I don't ... listen you don't have to make up excuses- I'm not mad if you- »
« No! No, no, no, it's not an excuse, please, I'm being as honest as can be. » Skeppy took Bad's hand in both of his hands, which made the latter shut up and wait for him to continue. He did seem genuine, almost as desperate as he had been to find him. « I can't ask you to believe me. But I need you to listen. Because I'll be gone soon, for good, I've seen the signs- It's always the same ones. I rarely am ever able to come back to the same place, so please. Let me part with an explanation. »
He started making even less sense, but Bad's heart panged at the sorrow in his voice. He ended up nodding. « Okay ... okay. Go on. »
The grip on his hand grew tighter.
« I've been travelling between these places for years by now. I cannot control it, not yet at least. As I said, in each place, I find you. I find you and I often don't have enough time to spend with you. Sometimes I get to live what seems like a lifetime with you, because I hop in a world where we already know each other and I get to retain all the memories of you from that place too. I always remember everything but you seem to be the constant that keeps changing either way. Sometimes you don't know me, other times you do, but not in the way I know you. »
« Even if your body changes form, I still know you. And you still love me all the same, I can't- I have been trying to find you in every possible world and yet I'm taken from it before I can do much about it. » his voice started breaking and Bad could feel his hands shaking around his own. « I wish I could give you the happiness you deserve but I'm bound to leave you behind against my will. It's fucking terrible. » he sniffled, but ignored the tears forming in his eyes. « And I'm sorry I'm soon going to have to leave you before I can spend any more time with you. » he let out a shaky breath before he wiped his tears away. « I miss you already. I miss each and every version of you and it's slowly killing me. »
Bad didn't know how to take it.
This sounded far more insane than what he had gone through for months.
Which was, surprisingly, the first thing that left his mouth.
« I've been having weird dreams ever since the last time I saw you. »
Skeppy's eyes widened. « What ... type of dreams? » surely it couldn't have been their hand, right?
« You're in every single one of them. I feel like I'm seeing bits and snippets of someone's life. Or- or lives. » he wiped at his face, gosh that entire conversation was too much to take in. « Listen, I- I don't know what to think right now, my head's exploding but for some reason these dreams seem like important information right now. »
Skeppy was still silent for a while. « What happened in the dreams? Can you recall any? »
« No, they ... I can never remember them after a while. »
« Fuck. » he muttered under his breath.
« But ... » Skeppy looked up at him again. « You always ... you always wore a blue hoodie. »
He gasped. « Yes that's- Oh my Prime. » he brought a hand to his heart. « Please, please tell me you remember anything else. Please. »
Bad focused, but everything was blurry. « I looked ... different. »
« Your most- you often look like a demon when I find you. You're rarely a human. » Skeppy seemed to almost jump out of his seat. The information felt crucial.
« With ... with ... » Bad tried to recall the last dream he had. « Black skin? Dark grey? »
« Yes. » he was completely mindblown. « Yes, yes! That's- » he brought his hands to his mouth. « That's you. You must've seen the life in the survival world. » there were tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. « Fuck, that's the one. How ... » he looked back up at Bad. « How? This never happened before. »
The other simply stared back. How could he know? He could barely process that anything he told him was legit.
« Could it be ... » Skeppy paused. « There's something I left out. There's ... when I encounter you, I seldom have the opportunity to let you know about this whole thing. I'm pretty sure I've already crossed the line about how much information I can let you in on, but ... there's an original you. »
That made, possibly, even less sense. Again. « An original me. »
« What I mean is- You're always you, yes, but ... it's like, a personal thing. You're always you, but there was a first version of you. The one I met before everyone else, the one that comes from the world I was born in. He is the one I'm actively searching for. » he explained. « And I know that, once that happens, once I find him ... this whole madness is going to stop. I'll be able to bring him with me, or stay with him there without having to be yanked away again. I know I will. » he seemed to be convincing himself more than anyone else.
« So maybe ... if you're having these memories ... maybe ... » the look he shared after could've only been described as intense. « Maybe it's you. »
« M-me? » Bad pointed towards himself.
« Maybe it's you. Maybe you're going to be showed the memories of every existing you throughout your life and so you will remember. Remember yourself, remember me, you'll know me like I know you at last. » Skeppy kept staring as though in a daze. « You look different, but maybe you're supposed to. Maybe you ... maybe it's your soul. It just got transferred. » his gaze dropped again. « Fuck, this might be it. » he smiled widely. « I did it. »
« You did it ...? »
« I could've found you. » he looked back up. « For real. No take backs, no leaving you behind, I could- » his face fell as soon as his head started spinning. He brought a hand to clutch at it, eyes squeezing shut.
He was wrong.
« Fuck, no. »
« Skeppy, what is happening? » Bad was at his side in a matter of seconds, anxiety tightening the grip at his heart.
How could he tell him now, after getting his hopes up so much?
« Skeppy, can you hear me? » Bad's hands were on his shoulders now, trying to get him to focus back on him. « Please- »
Skeppy mumbled something after taking his hand off of his head and latching onto Bad's arm instead, needing something to stabilize his presence in that world that was so quickly fading away from him.
« What- what did you say? »
« I'm- sorry. » he got to his feet, an aching in his heart and head that was both physical and emotional.
In the blink of an eye, a portal appeared right behind Skeppy.
He looked up to Bad one last time, a million apologies running through his mind, despite his lips being sealed by deep sorrow and grief already.
« It's not you. » he said.
And then fell through the portal, which closed with a quick swoop, leaving no trace of him behind.
Bad stared at the spot far longer than he could've processed.
Until he fell to his knees and cried his heart out, overcome with an abundance of anguish that could've surmounted the intensity of any other emotions he had ever felt in his entire life.
Dreams hadn't stopped since then.
They hadn't left him alone, suddenly erasing any and all traces that Skeppy had ever been there. No, instead they reinforced his memory of him, whilst knowing deeply in his heart he was never going to come back.
He said it himself. It wasn't him.
It stung.
Bad didn't want to miss him, but he felt his longing grow bigger with each and every dream and nightmare.
It took long to process what had happened, to process the information he had gained.
He told Sam and Ant that Skeppy had to move out of the continent, unable to find it in himself to explain what had actually taken place right before his eyes. Surely he couldn't have hallucinated all that, right?
The looks, his touch, his sorrow.
It stung.
Knowing what they could have been through stupid delusive dreams, knowing he wasn't the one Skeppy was actively looking for.
Each day he woke up and each night he hoped to see him again the day after, to have the confirmation that yes, that was all a product of his imagination and the real Skeppy was still in his world safe and sound, just a call away, maybe a whisper away.
Sometimes he died in his dreams and Bad had to carry further grief, crying his way into the morning hours, other times he'd find himself longing for the life he couldn't have had, for the happiness and nice things that seemed to happen in other lives, yearning for something as simple as holding his hand or having a smile reserved for him and him only.
He could've had all of this, yet it was stripped away.
Just because he wasn't the right one.
It messed with him. In ways he couldn't fathom, but feel.
He started leaving voice messages on the phone number that hadn't been used in almost a year as a way to cope. He told Skeppy about his day, about dreams and night terrors, quickly but surely becoming some sort of personal safe space, a diary he could vent to, a place to yell his thoughts and let them cascade in the void.
It helped.
Bad got better. He started leaving his house again, trying to ignore the pangs his heart would get everytime he crossed places that reminded him of Skeppy.
It was alright.
But Skeppy didn't think so.
Skeppy looked up at the being that had started all of this and granted him a lifetime, multiple lifetimes of pure misery. He stared at them with a scowl on his face.
« Surely you can't let this happen. Just let me see him once more. He clearly needs it. Just once and I'll be out of your hair. »
« You knew the rules, mortal. You told more than allowed. You bit off more than you can chew. » the creature, something of a twenty feet tall being, walked around him. « You paid the consequences. »
« And the consequences are letting him suffer? You should make me suffer, not him! He has nothing to do- »
« Does it not hurt you? Does the sight not leave you in pain? Does it not deteriorate you from the inside? » the distorted voice spoke with almost venom on the tip of its tongue.
Skeppy fell silent at that.
« That's what I thought. » the being walked towards one end of its realm, moving its arm ever so slightly, until yet another portal was created not too far away from Skeppy.
« Go now, mortal. » they urged, showing the gateway ready and awaiting him. « Another universe awaits you. No tricks this time. »
Skeppy exhaled sharply through his nose, before he wordlessly made his way towards the portal.
« Good luck. »
DreamXD smiled underneath its mask.