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“I thought you had forgotten about us.” Svetlana tells him when he turns up and the Fisher-Ball house one afternoon.
“I'll be at the house.” Mickey informs her calmly. “Come back if you want but either way you can't keep me from seeing him.”
She repositions her son on her hip. “So now that Ian doesn't want you anymore you have time for Yevgeny? This is what you mean.”
She has heard through the sophisticated communication network of Fiona and Vee, of course. It's a cruel thing to say but even when it was good, words were never particularity fond between them.
“The door will be open. Let yourself in.”
*
“I think you are spending too much time with Yevgeny. It is not healthy.” Svetlana corners him in the kitchen one evening months after she has moved back in.
Mickey can't really argue with her. Yevgeny has become his sole focus these days, his constant companion. It had surprised him how easily he slipped into the role of dad.
“So, let me get this straight. You give me shit for not spending time with him and now that I am, I'm still getting shit?”
“But you spend all your time with him.” Svetlana elaborates.
“So? You used to do that!” Mickey points out as he passes Yevgeny in his high chair and the little boy puts his arms out. Mickey takes him in his arms.
“Yes, because there was no one else.” Svetlana explains. “I am worried about you.”
“Fuck off.” Mickey bristles, rocking Yevgeny before placing him in his crib by the window.
“I know.” Svetlana nods solemnly taking a seat at the table. “I was shocked too.”
“What else am I supposed to do exactly? He's the only person who actually wants to be with me. He's it. He's what I have. Him and, god fucking help me, you.” He moves across the room, joining her at the table.
“And he adores you but he is not a distraction or a way of dealing with what happened with Ian. He is a little boy and if you break his heart, you will pray for the mercy of whatever pain you are feeling now.”
“I know what heart break looks like.” she continues gently when he doesn't respond. “But hearts are strong and they can be fixed. Yevgeny put mine back together and may he can fix yours too. That is good for you. But what about Yev? What will happen when Ian comes running back and you will forget all about Yevgeny. Again.”
Mickey shakes his head. “That's not going to happen.” he says softly but with certainty.
“No, it won't because I will not let it.” she tells him fiercely.
Mickey shakes his head. “I mean, Ian isn't going to come running back.”
Her eyes drop for a second. “So you meet someone else. There are fish in the pond.”
Mickey can't help but laugh. It's harsh and empty. “I'm done with fish.”
“It hurts.” It's not a question.
“Yeah, it fucking hurts.”
“It hurts” she repeats. “but that is life. One day, you will wake up and it will hurt less than the day before. And you will keep waking up and it will keep hurting less until one day you will wake up and" she opens her hand and gestures to the air. “it wont hurt at all and not because the pain has gone but because you have learned to live with it.”
“Shit” Mickey almost laughs again. 'Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“How do I know? I am going to bed now, do you want me to take him tonight?” She asks, rising from the table.
Mickey shakes his head. “Nah, I'll take him.”
She smiles knowingly “Alright, but I want him back eventually.”
“I'll think about it.” Mickey muses. “Thanks Svetlana.”
“You are welcome.” she tells him sincerely.
“Never in a million years did I think we'd be here. You giving me advice about my love life.”
“Well in a perfect world, we wouldn’t be here right now. We would not even know each other.” Svetlana smiles. “But in a perfect world, he wouldn't be here either.” she glances over Yevgeny asleep in his crib. “So I will choose this world every time.”
Mickey doesn't know if he would. Not that it matters, it's not a choice he has to make.
*
She figured it was only a matter of time before she found Ian Gallagher on her doorstep. It has been months since they'd last seen each other let alone spoken. There had been a million things she had wanted to say to him back then. Few of them seem relevant now.
“What do you want?”
“I have something for Yev's birthday.” he holds up a cheap green gift bag. “It's tomorrow right?”
“Yes.” she nods, impressed but not surprised that he has remembered.
“It's just some building blocks.” Ian shrugs. “He used to love knocking things over.”
“He still does that. You want to see him?” she asks and the words are out of her mouth before she even thinks them.
Ian shuffles uncertainly and looks past her into the house.
“Come on, Mickey is not here.” Svetlana answers the unasked question, leading him back inside.
Yevgeny is sitting on a playmat in front of the muted TV babbling to himself and he struggles to turn the pages of his picture book.
Ian crouches down next to him and Yevgeny continues to babble, more animatedly now. “Hey buddy.” Ian says brightly and Yev looks up at him again before grabbing the book off the floor to show him. It's hard to tell if Yevgeny recognises him it's been so long but Svetlana doesn't see the harm in letting Ian pretend.
“He's so big now.” Ian marvels. “Like a proper little person. Are you having a party for him?”
Svetlana bows her head. “Something small. Family.” she shrugs. A lie. Kev, Vee and the girls are coming.
Ian visibly winces at the word before a painfully forced smile appears on his face “That's great.”
The front door swings open and Ian jumps up suddenly.
“Fucking store. Did we really have to-” They can hear Mickey before they see him.
He stops suddenly when he rounds the doorframe looking from Svetlana to Ian to Yevgeny and back to Svetlana. “You've got to be fucking kidding me.”
“I'll just...” Ian starts, moving around the couch.
“leave? Yeah, we know.” Mickey finishes for him as he gestures to the door.
“Right.” he nods. “Have a good time tomorrow.” Ian shoots a quick smile to Svetlana and he's gone.
“Svetlana, what the fuck?” Mickey sighs. There is anger in his voice along with a bizarre accusation of betrayal.
“He came to door looking like lost little puppy and I just...You were not here. I did not see the harm.” It's a weak defence and Svetlana knows it.
“It's confusing for Yev.” Mickey offers, dropping the bags on the table to swoop down to pick up his son.
“Confusing for you, you mean.” Svetlana counters picking up the dumped bags. “He had gift for Yevgeny. For birthday. That is sweet, don't you think?”
“I really don't think anything about Ian Gallagher.”
“You should not lie. It is bad example for Yevgeny.”
*
Svetlana's right, of course, and it eventually starts to hurt less and less. And while it terrifies Mickey to imagine a morning where his first thought isn't Ian Gallagher, it helps to know that they are at least two people on his side.