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Thanking God for the weather, Yohan pulled his scarf around his neck, adjusting the mask over his face, along with the face cap. He hated coming back without a legit reason to look like an Eskimo, but this was alright. In the grand scheme of mega fuck-ups, this little joy was very welcome. Especially since Yohan was pretty sure he was being watched.
He didn't have any proof. He'd taken to winding his way home and using different routes. He hid his digital footprint and was paranoid about each and every interaction. He hadn't actually seen anyone following him, but the mere thought of Sunah was enough to keep him on edge.
Yohan moved out of the apartment in Switzerland and set up more security. Elijah wasn't a child anymore so she was aware that Sunah was alive and able to slip into their home unannounced. He'd be a fool to keep her in the dark. Especially since he had to leave her for a few days. He'd give Gaon a choice before but this wasn't the same anymore. Yohan didn't just need him to come back because they were both lonely. He needed Gaon where he could see him all the time and know that he was alive.
"Nothing out of the ordinary," Ko said to Yohan, as Yohan swiped through the tablet that showed the live feeds from cameras set up all over Gaon's street and the corridors of his office. "No one is following him except obsessive fans and paparazzi. He dates, once in a while and plays Tennis every other Saturday. Every weekend, he volunteers at Oh Jin Joo's shelter. If what you're saying is true-"
"I saw her with my own eyes."
"The only explanation is that she may have been honest about leaving you alone."
Yohan slammed the tablet into the car seat. The fact that they couldn't see the danger didn't mean it wasn't there.
"Keep searching," Yohan said, as he opened the door. "I'm sure there's something."
Bracing himself for the hard conversation he was about to have, Yohan pulled up the flaps of his coat and climbed up the stairs into the fancy, glass-doored apartment building. From the uniformed staff to the pristine condition of the building and its location in Seoul, Yohan often wondered where Gaon was getting the money to afford such a place.
A quick ride up the elevator and onto Gaon's floor, Yohan rang the bell before he typed in the password and entered.
"Chief?" Gaon asked in surprise, peeping down from the bannisters on the upper floor of the apartment. When his head disappeared, Yohan heard quick steps as Gaon hurried down to meet him. "You were just here last week."
Gaon engulfed him in sharp, deep hug, holding on as if they hadn't seen each other in years. When he let go, he gave Yohan a small bow, and began helping him take off his coat.
"We have something to discuss."
"We couldn't have had this discussion over the phone?" he asked, a tiny, mocking smile on his face.
"No."
Finally taking in Yohan's sobriety, Gaon's face fell into a frown.
"What is it?"
He led Yohan up the stairs to his garden on the veranda where he'd been tending to his plants before Yohan showed up. As they got there, Gaon reduced the volume of the TV where daytime news was on.
"I know we already talked about this, but you have to come back with me."
"Come back where?" He picked up his tiny sheers, as he resumed his work.
"To Switzerland."
"Is there a problem with Elijah?"
"Gaon-"
"If you want me to uproot my life and follow you, you have to tell me why."
"What life?" Yohan asked, spreading his hands and turning around in place. "There's nothing here."
"I just accepted the position of Chief Judge of the Live Court."
Yohan swung back around in shock.
"Are you kidding me?"
"You didn't know?"
"They didn't announce it."
"I'm surprised Ko didn't tell you. I'm more shocked that your cameras and spies didn't inform you."
Yohan's heart sank.
"I was just trying to protect you."
"By invading my privacy. Again."
Yohan shook his head.
"That's not the point. Korea isn't safe anymore."
"Safe from what?"
"Sunah is alive."
Gaon stopped his cutting and dropped the sheers.
"And?"
"And?" Yohan repeated after Gaon. "You do remember Sunah, right? The murderous mastermind behind the ex-president and his caucus. You're going to be Live Court Judge and you don't think she'll be a problem? And also," Yohan added, his thoughts reeling in his brain, because he couldn’t understand how Gaon would be so calm about Sunah being alive. "Why aren't you more worried?" Or shocked.
Yohan couldn't understand it. Gaon was reactionary, expressive, always wearing his emotions on his sleeve. Finding this out now was something that should have caused something . And yet, there he stood, watching Yohan with an expression too calm to figure out. Unless…
"Did you know she was alive?"
Gaon's silence was louder than anything Yohan could have heard in reply. He wanted to scream. He wanted to drag Gaon by the neck and slam against wall. Yohan roared, picking up the nearest lamp as he smashed it into the wall, just beside where Gaon was standing.
Gaon stood there, unmoving. No anger, no fear, and worst of all, no guilt.
Yohan approached him, pulling off his gloves and his face cap. He stopped, a few inches from Gaon's nose.
"How long have you known?"
"She's not after me."
"You can't be that foolish."
"We've met and I'm still alive. If she wanted me dead, I'd be dead."
Yohan's hand rose to Gaon's neck, clenching the air, but never quite making contact. This wasn't it. They didn't communicate through violence anymore. They had intimacy, they had communication. Yohan didn't have to strangle Gaon to feel the touch of his skin.
Instead, he grabbed Gaon's neck and pressed their foreheads together.
"Please, come with me."
Gaon held on to Yohan's hands, rubbing up and down his forearm.
"I have work to do."
"She may not have done anything yet-"
"She won't do anything to me."
"You can't be sure of that."
"Chief-"
"She'll use you to get to me." As the words left his mouth, Yohan had a scary thought. "She'll use you to get to us. Gaon, everytime we talk to you, every call, every email…" oh my God , "That's how she found us last time." He pulled away from Gaon. "She doesn't know where we are now, but if we keep interacting with you-"
"What are you trying to say?"
"If you don't come with me, you'll never speak to Elijah again."
For the first time since entering Gaon's apartment that day, Gaon's face deepened into a dark frown. Yohan meant what he'd said about Sunah using Gaon to track them. But, he was also a little relieved that Gaon's affection for Elijah was something Yohan could use to his advantage.
"Chief, she has nothing to do with this."
"You're putting her in danger."
"Why won't you trust me?"
"You knew Sunah was alive and you didn't even warn me."
"If I had warned you, we'd be having this exact same conversation EVERY! SINGLE! DAY!" Gaon yelled.
As Gaon fumed in his face, Yohan looked back at him. Really looked at him. Because something was off. He'd expected some resistance, which was why he hadn't told Gaon that he was coming. But this was nothing like he'd expected. There was a steadfastness in Gaon's stare that Yohan didn't recognise. As if Gaon was unmovable in his thoughts, lacking the fear that had been there the first time they'd had this conversation. It was almost as if… it was almost like Yohan was looking into a mirror.
After months of trying to achieve this, last year, Yohan was disappointed.
"I'm going to leave," he said, pointing at the door. "And if I do, you'll never hear from me again."
"Yeah, because the last ultimatum worked out just fine."
Yohan had had enough.
He took Gaon and shoved him in the direction of his bedroom.
"What are you doing?" Gaon asked, grabbing at the walls to keep standing as Yohan pushed him again, tipping him over as he rolled onto his back and ended on his knees. "Chief!"
Yohan dragged him up by the collar, meaning to shove him further into the room when Gaon swerved, ducked under Yohan's arm and pulled it behind him. Before Yohan could register the shock, Gaon pushed him away. It took him a second or two to come to terms with just happened.
"You've been taking self-defence lessons, I see," Yohan said, unhooking his scarf from his neck as he watched Gaon track his movements with thinly veiled vigilance.
"Here or there," Gaon replied.
Yohan tossed the scarf on the bed.
"Are you going to beat me into submission, Chief?"
"There are a lot of gaps in your activities, Gaon-ah," he said, strolling towards Gaon as Gaon backed out of the room, giving him a wide berth.
"Let's stop now before we say or do anything we'll regret."
"Fancy apartment that your salary couldn't possibly afford."
"I speak at multiple events."
"Movements in your schedule that don't correlate to my intel."
"My life isn't a TV show."
"When did you meet Sunah, that nobody knows about? How could you have met her without raising any eyebrows? Makes me wonder what else you've been doing in secret."
"Dont ask questions you don't want to know the answer to."
Yohan stopped moving, as the hair on the back of his neck stood.
"No. I'm going to need an answer. When did you meet her?"
Gaon lowered his eyes.
"The day of the explosion."
"What explosion?"
"The one you used to fake your death."
Yohan didn't know when he staggered back, pushed by an unseen force as Gaon's words hit home. Even as Gaon continued to speak, Yohan couldn't hear anything else, he couldn't see anything else. All he could think about was the fact that Gaon had known Sunah was alive for a whole year and had said nothing.
He'd had every chance to tell Yohan, every visit, every touch, every kiss, every moment to address this, to tell Yohan that the enemy was alive. And yet, he'd kept quiet. For what? To protect his fucking freedom? To stay in Korea and join a Live Court show that was a farce on its own?
Heart pounding in his chest, Yohan didn't know what was happening till Gaon was in his face, holding him up and looking right into him with those soulful eyes that cut into Yohan, even when Yohan had all his walls up.
"I didn't let her go free, Chief. Do you hear me?" Gaon said, almost sounding as if he was pleading with Yohan.
"She killed K," Yohan said, unable to form words.
"I know," Gaon replied. "That's why I kept her for weeks and weeks. I… I did things to… to her."
"What kind of things?" he asked. "The kind that might make her want to retaliate? Against me? Against Elijah?"
"She'll never hurt us again. I promise."
"How can you promise that unless-"
Yohan meant to scream in rage but all that came out was a tiny whimper as he pushed away from Gaon, moving to the other side of the room.
"Please tell me that Sunah isn't someone you're working with."
"I'm not working with her."
Yohan wanted to believe him but that didn't sound right.
"She's working for me."
That sounded more right but oh, so dreadful.
"No. Oh God, Gaon."
"I have it all sorted out."
"She's where all the money is coming from? The new you, the new everything? She's turning you into me."
"This was my idea."
"Do you think you're the first powerful man she's controlled?"
"It's not like that."
"SHE'S DANGEROUS!!!" he yelled. "How can you not see that?"
Gaon smiled sadly, as he spared his plants a calm look.
"Nothing I say will convince you that I know what I'm doing."
"I'm trying to protect you."
"Yes, because I'm still the naive, weak fool that you knew, right?"
"I never said that," Yohan said, taking a step toward him as Gaon moved further away.
"I can't stop you anymore than you can stop me, Chief. I'm staying here. I'm going to head the live show. You can leave if you want."
He walked out onto the veranda where he slid the door shut and picked up his sheers. Yohan had been dismissed. Like a child. Like a subordinate. Clenching his fist, he struggled to remember a time when had felt so little, so small in the face of a fight. Gaon may have grown in certain areas, but there was still so much to learn. That he didn't know enough to recognise the threat that Sunah posed was the biggest sign of his ignorance.
Yohan went back into the room, grabbed his scarf and his gloves, went down the stairs, picked up his cap and mask, on his way out, as he grabbed his coat to put it on, his knees felt so weak that he buckled right there in the front room and sat on the floor. He wanted to go. He knew he should go. Elijah needed him and she was willing to listen. If Gaon wanted to throw his life away, there was no reason Yohan had to do so as well.
And yet.
Even as he tried to get up, Yohan couldn't do it. He couldn't leave. Gaon was his… person? Man? Boyfriend? He had no idea. But whatever Gaon was, he was Yohan's and Yohan couldn't just shrug him off to danger.
Realising, for once, that he was going to cave, Yohan bowed his head into his knees, hiding his tears in the fabric of his clothes. Because if he could help it, Kang Yohan would shed no tears for no man.