Work Text:
Tommy walked up the steps, taking a heavy boot to the wooden stairs as if walking to his very own shining guillotine. It might as well be, no matter what Philza was telling him that it wasn’t.
“Look Tommy, the first step to getting better is realizing you have a problem, and the second is to start to change. But you also need to apologize. That starts with friends and enemies alike,” he said, his blue eyes gleaming with an uncomfortable mix of fatherly sternness and pity. Tommy looked away.
“Okay, I’ll try, but only because you say so, Philza Minecraft,” he said slowly, words feeling like bile in his mouth. Philza had then grabbed his shoulder quickly, waiting until he looked up into his eyes again to add another non-reassurance.
“They might not accept your apology, but I know you’re trying your best, understand? I’m on your side as long as you are trying to get better, mate,” Philza said gently and Tommy had let his shoulders fall slight;y. He nodded quickly.
First he really needed to say sorry to Tubbo, but he had no idea where Tubbo hung out anymore, after Ranboo… Snowchester was an empty vastland, looking all for it’s own standing buildings that an nuclear bomb had gone off and killed off all forms of life.
Instead, he found himself slowly going up familiar steps of Technoblade’s cabin, standing in the cold as he forced himself to take a deep breath and let it out slowly in a small cloud. He lifted one gloved hand and knocked on the wooden door.
“Come in,” Technoblade called out. Tommy held down the shiver of fear that ran down his back and slowly pushed the door open.
“Hullo?” He called out. Across the room, Technoblade stood up straighter from where he was messing about with potions. He turned, eyebrows drawn together slightly in a way Tommy read as simmering annoyance, ready to boil out. He shrinks back slightly, before realizing and forcing himself to step forward.
“Hey, how are you, Blade?” He asked casually as he closed the door behind him. He stayed next to the door, ready to run.
“What are you doing here Tommy?” Technoblade said simply. “If you even think about stealing, I will not hesitate.”
Tommy grimaced as Technoblade nodded towards where his Ax of Peace laid on the countertop.
“No, no,” Tommy started before considering. “Although if you have any loose ender pearls or netherite…?” He said, trying to add humor to the situation.
Technoblade stared at him and he instantly wilted. Time for a new plan.
“Well, so I’ve been hanging with Philza Minecraft recently-”
“I’m aware.”
“-Okay, creepy, but I’ve been hanging out with the only man ever, Philza Minecraft, and we’ve been working on… well, me, kind of. It’s like therapy, but more like anime training montage, except for my brain, not body, because I’m the strongest man ever-”
“Tommy, a strong gust of wind could knock you over,” Technoblade gruffed with amusement. It made Tommy jump up.
“No! I could take a thousand men!”
“Really? Then why’d you need me to fight so many battles for you?” It sounds like a question but the look in Technoblade’s eyes makes it sound like a threat. “Was it always just so easy to call me for a fight?”
“It isn’t like that, Techno--”
"You hurt me and I still trusted you,” Technoblade said, stepping towards him. Tommy stepped back, his back hitting the door. “Are you here to ask me again to fight your battles again, Theseus?”
Tommy shook his head. “Technoblade, we’ve always been friends-”
“No,” Technoblade says, stepping forward again, lifting a finger to point at Tommy. “You’ve always seen me as an asset, a weapon, the “Blade”, not a friend. Friends don’t treat each other like this.”
Tommy grimaces, anger and panic twisting into self-hatred and guilt. He takes a breath that is too shaky for his own liking.
“T-techno… I’m sorry,” he says before he can’t take looking into his red eyes and shifts to stare at the carper. “I’ve always considered you a friend, a brother in arms and maybe more. But I’m sorry…”
He takes another breath, lets it out hazily, his mind fogging with self-hatred. He feels consumed, trapped, bad. Technoblade is too close and he feels his eyes sting with boiling hot tears.
“Technoblade, we were brothers at some point, right?” he says, forcing himself to face Techno. He can’t quite make Techno’s eyes in his dimming vision, but he tries to say it in his best impression of a stronger, tougher man. “I’m sorry Technoblade. I hope one day I can make you think of me as a brother and friend again.”
He hears Technoblade take a deep breath. His lungs mimic the pigman, forcing oxygen into his blood.
Silence stretches on between them, fragile and heavy at the same time.
“I think you should leave, Tommy,” Technoblade finally says. Tommy’s heart falls in his chest, it feels like a life time imprisonment sentence being read by the jury. He lets his head fall, staring again at the carpet.
“I… I will make it up to you and Tubbo one day, I promise. You won’t have to worry about me ever again,” he says, reaching for the doorknob.
He pulls the door open, letting ice cold wind blow into the warm cabin. A small voice in the back of his head reminds him that Techno hates when he leaves doors open, so he quickly steps outside, and lifts his hand up to give Technoblade a small wave as the door closes. “See ya, Techno.”
“...Come by tomorrow to feed the dogs, Tommy. They miss you,” Technoblade says before turning away, back to messing about with the potion stands. The door closes loudly with some finality.
Tommy stares at the wooden door with confusion before letting a small smile take up his face. He turns away, walking down the stairs. If he sheds his leftover tears to the snow, he’s still proud of himself for not crying in front of Technoblade.
He still hates himself for what he did, but he reminds himself that the only thing he can do is apologize and stop being such a heavy burden on everyone around him.