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Naruto was a strange child.
Whereas most kids spent their time playing, Naruto spent his time simply watching the world go by. The village flowed like a river, with unspoken norms guiding the people.
Of those rules, he noticed two that stood out.
The first was that people were generally selfish, they would do anything for the sole purpose of benefiting themselves
The second was the more important one to him, a universal truth which had never been broken.
He noticed that the most powerful Shinobi all seemed almost fearless.
The key word was almost .
The one thing all of them seemed to fear was Paperwork.
His first memory of this was in the office of the Hokage. He was sitting on the floor, watching as the most powerful man he knew crumpled into his arms. The reason?
His secretary laid another stack of forms at his side.
As time creeped ever onward, Naruto couldn’t help but notice how every Genin, Chunin, and even Jonin always had the same complaint on their lips.
“Man, It was a fun mission, but the damn paperwork-”
“-yeah, but who wants to do the report?”
“Hell, why would I ever do that, imagine the paperwork-”
A pattern had emerged, a pattern he simply could not ignore.
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Naruto had always had an ambition to be the Hokage.
The Hokage, after all, was acknowledged by everyone in the village. It was something he had never known, a sense of satisfaction he craved more than anything else.
Although, to say he desired the position as Hokage would be a massive understatement.
He wanted it for more than just that reason though.
Over the years, he had grown an unhealthy love for paperwork.
Not just the forms, but the material itself.
He loved the organization, the structure, even the cute little letters like e and o.
It dominated life in Konoha, a near constant force that seemed to strike fear in the hearts of all. Naruto could, in a way, empathize. It seemed to be the only thing more despised than himself.
Slowly, he fell into his obsession.
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His daylight and nighttime hours were dominated by it, years spent fantasizing. At night, he would dream of crisp forms filled out with proper notation. Those dreams would make him awake with a warm feeling in his stomach.
In his nightmares, there were stacks of paper. Unread forms filled with smudge marks and empty boxes. Such dreams would make him shoot up, covered in sweat and shaking. A primal fear rested in his bones, one so irrational that he could never imagine it during the daylight hours.
After a certain horrific nightmare involving the Hokage filling out a report in pencil, he knew he had a problem.
But it was far too late to turn back.
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After a long day at the academy, Naruto would occasionally explore the various buildings and offices around the village.
During one of these adventures, he found a building that made him weak in the knees.
Few kids his age visited the beautiful aisles of the massive Library.
After discovering it, Naruto spent every waking moment there.
The knowledge was quite diverse. He saw sections about numerous topics. Some were covered in class, such as Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, and Tactics. Naruto occasionally picked up one of those books, but he tended to stick to the other side of the library.
The sections focused on Administration, Finance, Mathematics and Organization.
In those books he read about concepts that made him weak in the knees. Invoices, Audits, Reports, things he had never even considered before.
That night, he smuggled a small treasure trove of books back to his sweaty apartment.
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On one faithful day, everything changed.
While waiting for Iruka to finish droning on about Chakra theory, a line popped out at him.
“-and it is possible to imbibe objects with chakra. One example-”
That one line taught him more than he would learn for the rest of his time in the academy.
When he went home that night, he began experimenting.
At first, he struggled to not incinerate the paper. He had a tendency to put far too much chakra in and not balance it properly.
Many sheets were lost in those trying times, sheets Naruto would mourn for the rest of his days.
It took months, but he finally perfected it.
Paper, hundreds of sheets of paper under his complete control. A whirlwind of documents surrounded him, a beautiful flurry of ink on pulp.
That was the first time he ever cried with joy .
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His control over paper had only increased over the months.
At first, he tried to hide it from the world at large. During a day trip to the Hokage’s office, he saw a particularly ugly Jonin try and discard a perfectly good certificate.
Of course Naruto saved the document! What kind of monster throws away such a majestic work of art? Naruto would not allow such waste when he was Hokage, that was for sure.
The Hokage asked him about his Jutsu, but didn’t bother to go into too much depth. He did speak of him being some kind of “vessel for a demon fox”, but Naruto could give half a shit about that.
As long as he could continue his studies, he would be happy.
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One day, Naruto found a particular book on a shelf about crime. Just the title made his heart flicker like a light on a street corner.
‘Bureaucracy in Crime: The forms that fill the underworld.’
He stole it and went home.
In the pages he found a treasure trove of information, things he had never even considered before.
Paperwork, even without his Jutsu, could be a weapon sharper than the deadliest swords.
Blackmail, Money Laundering, Fraud, all methods of using his precious material to become powerful.
The final method in the book wrapped itself around his mind, ensnaring his curiosity and leaving him speechless.
That night, he learned how to make Ryo out of scrap paper. It was hard, a lot harder than he would admit, but it was possible.
Each note had a specific number on it, one that correlated with years. Using the examples from his orphan stipend, he was able to create a matrix of years and numbers.
He went from poverty to riches overnight.
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It was funny how terrible the Ninja exam was.
Every year, the instructors would force the students to perform the Clone Jutsu. It was something Naruto had no skill in, and had zero desire to learn.
While he had considered the merit of Shadow Clones for a bureaucratic environment, such a technique would destroy his relationship with his precious forms.
Each one had to be savored, purposefully filled out with a tender and loving hand.
Rather than sully his moral compass, Naruto took the unspoken option.
Shinobi were so proud, so ethical. That is, until you offer them 5,000,000 Ryo as a bribe.
Mizuki resigned the next day, saying something about a tropical beach and palm trees.
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“My name is Hatake Kakashi. I have no intentions of telling you my likes and dislikes. As for my dream… I have few hobbies.”
Naruto adjusted his body on the uncomfortable steps he was sitting on. Their sensei was a weirdo, a nonchalant guy with super white hair.
He loved that color.
“My name is Uzumaki Naruto,” the blond started quickly. “I love paperwork, I love the little lines and boxes that make up the forms. Especially Audit forms, with their cute little e’s and o’s, and their signatory lines. And also the mission reports, the sheer…”
He continued, describing everything he loved about paperwork. He could have continued, but it sounded like he had already said too much.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” the other three said in unison.
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Orochimaru watched as the three Genin before him trembled.
Well, at least two of them did.
The third, a blond, laughed at him.
Orochimaru was pissed, how dare the fox kid laugh at him?
“What’s so funny boy?” he asked, tongue rubbing against his sharp fangs.
Rather than answer, the kid bit his finger and used a summoning technique. From the smoke, a filing cabinet appeared. Naruto opened it, digging through and pulling out a clearly labeled folder.
‘Orochimaru Blackmail’
He didn’t need an explanation. Years of experience told him that some things were just not worth it.
He knew better than to stay. His limbs shook with horror, a deep rooted fear emanated from his bones.
Orochimaru was a shinobi after all, and he knew the power that Naruto was wielding.
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“-Only a fool wastes his time trying to become something he can never be! The only destiny that everyone shares… is death!”
Destiny?
“You talk about destiny, about fate, well..” Naruto started, flicking his wrist and summoning a form.
He handed it to the proctor with a gleam in his eye.
“What’s this for kid?” Genma asked.
“Poor Neji here talks big about destiny, but he lost this fight before it even began.”
Naruto walked to the older man, pointing at the empty box at the bottom.
“He filled his Chunin application wrong, That means he legally isn't allowed to compete, right?"
Genma stared at the scroll, eyes furrowed in a mixture of fear and revulsion.
“In that case…”
He turned to the Hyuga, a smile shining brightly on his face.
"You lose."
The stadium was silent.
It wasn’t bemusement that kept them quiet, it was fear.
Bone rattling fear.
They knew one thing to be true, anyone with an eye for paperwork like that was dangerous.
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The hat hung on the wall burned the color of roses, a great responsibility a particular man cherished.
As Naruto reclined in his office, he looked back at his life.
He had achieved his dreams, reformed Konoha, and had even saved the world. He, one who was born with something that most considered horrifying, had done so much.
And he had done it all with another thing that was so commonly despised.
He walked to the window, eagerly taking in the view of his beautiful village.
From where he was, he could see the newly designed and organized city. Everything was planned to be efficient, clean, and healthy.
He smiled. He would never get tired of watching his village grow.
And while the place hadn't lost its char, he could only hope his forefathers would be happy to see the change.
He had done all that he could, everything that could be asked of a man.
Was it enough? Had he cemented his legacy in the village? Would the people remember him?
He assumed they would, if for no other reason than fear. His changes brought in a larger, more bureaucratic administration. Naruto knew more than most how his contemporaries would feel about it.
There was only one thing he really knew after all.
If there’s one thing all shinobi fear, it’s paperwork.