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Ronan heard something inside of him shatter when he looked at Adam that night.
He had awoken a bit earlier than usual and had planned on going for a walk until his gaze fell upon him. The usual sharp lines that etched his face from worry and stress throughout the day vanished when he slept, the furrow between his brows relaxed. He looked pure and untouchable.
Now this is a scene that should be painted on church walls and monastery ceilings Ronan thought. There is no other being more worthy of worship.
But these thoughts wandered his mind all the time, tonight was different. Tonight Ronan understood every tragic ballad and tale of misery he had ever heard.
He saw tears make their way down Adam’s face, while he slept. His breathing, usually smooth and dissonant, the lullaby that kept the horrors away, was sharp and staccato. His chest rose and fell like the ocean on the shore before a storm. His hands were shaking and good God Ronan could feel himself ache in time to Adam’s grief.
What do I do? The words repeated themselves in his head, if he woke him up he would be embarrassed, but he couldn’t just leave him like this.
“No” a soft murmur, almost too quiet for Ronan to have heard.
It echoed inside of him, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to forget how Adam had sounded. There was such sadness in that single syllable, loneliness and worst of all, it was a beg. A plea for an end, a release.
Ronan knew exactly what Adam was dreaming of, but hadn’t a clue of how to end it.
When it was actually happening, When Ronan had seen Adam being hurt he had stepped in without a second’s hesitation. Adam had endured this for long enough, it was over.
But it wasn’t, Ronan realized this only know. I might have been able to stop the pain physically but I will never be able to make it stop completely.
He gently took his hand in his. He rubbed his finger against Adam’s knuckles, traced the calluses and his lifeline. Ronan was cautious in a way he had never been before.
I love him recklessly but that is not what he needs, I will love him in every and anyway possible to show him that I am here for Adam Parrish. He believes himself to be unknowable but I will try anyways. I will show him that his army of one is no longer needed, he is.
It took ages, ages of Ronan’s fingers tracing, his hands holding. Of hushed whispers and soft kisses. Of warmth and gentleness. Eventually Adam awoke, the tears had dried and a slight smile graced his face.
“Hey.” Adam said, but it sounded like he meant to say thank you.
“Hey” Ronan said, but it sounded like he meant to say I love you.