Work Text:
Prologue
All of the professors thought Peter and Tony were an odd pair. Frankly, they were odd in general, especially for Ravenclaws. Peter's shyness and loyalty was more reminiscent of a Hufflepuff while Tony's boldness favored Gryffindor, and yet, the two of them were geniuses and the house of Rowena claimed them both.
And yet, Dumbledore's eyes would always twinkle when the other professors brought up the pair's latest escapade and remind them that the sorting hat didn't make mistakes. They belonged in Ravenclaw, even if no one else could see why yet.
Of Frogs and Men
If you asked Tony or Peter which house they belonged in, they'd simply shrug. To them, it didn't matter what colors they wore, only that no one interrupted their latest experiments. Their classmates never did understand the fascination a wizard could have with science, but very few of them were born to muggle families, and even fewer had the intelligence to realize what could be accomplished if you could combine the two.
However, in order to do that, they first had to master them both. And like the true scientists they were, they approached it methodically, one topic at a time, one new spell at a time, until they had learned all that the library could provide. Then they started trying to make their own.
"Are you sure this is going to work?" Tony asked, reading through Peter's notes again. "Normally, you need a connection to summon anything."
"The connection is knowing the composition of the creature, its base components, and its key traits to lock in on the nearest one," Peter retorted. "It's not like wild animals have complex souls or personalities we're looking to quantify."
"Ok, but if this goes wrong, who knows what you'll get."
"My summoning circle specifies exactly what size, shape, and composition I'm calling to me. At worst, I'll get a different lizard," Peter said, triple checking his circle and spell one last time. "Now shush, I need to get this right."
Tony snorted but stepped back and held his wand at the ready. They were a team, always watching each other's backs, and it had been that way since first year potions with Professor Snape. They'd ensured their schedules matched ever since. Why ruin a good thing after all?
"Ok, here goes nothing," Peter said, drawing in a breath. "VENI RANAE!"
There's a small poof of smoke, and amazingly enough, in the center of all of it, is a frog. Of course, that's the only thing right with the picture.
"Um, Pete, darling, love of my life, is that frog on a unicycle?" Tony asked, trying to hold back his laughter, because of course Peter would somehow summon a frog on a unicycle. In a tux no less, and holding a miniature rose.
"Not a word, Stark," Peter bit out as he looked frantically over his notes. "I just don't understand."
"Understand what, mon cherie?" the frog asked, startling them both.
"The fuck-?"
"Holy shit, Tony! It talks."
"Excuse you, sir, I am not an it," the frog interrupted. "I am most decidedly a he, and I would appreciate it if you would close your mouths. You hardly look like you have the appendage for fly catching and the view is rather ghastly otherwise."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Peter said even as Tony snorted in the background. "I wasn't really expecting to get a frog with a personality and it's a bit shocking. If you'll give me a moment, I'll reverse the summons."
The frog stops and looks at Peter more carefully before bowing gracefully from his unicycle.
"Not to worry, fair prince," the frog said smoothly. "An easy mistake to make. I am Mercutio, and it is my pleasure to make your acquaintance."
Tony eyed the frog with an odd look on his face as Peter continued reading his notes while absentmindedly answering the frog.
"Nice to meet you as well, Mercutio. I'm Peter. That's my boyfriend, Tony."
Tony waved his wand but was dismissed by the frog, causing the older boy to huff.
“I’m sure there’s no need to rush, dear prince,” Mercutio said. “Perhaps we could get to know one another. Go for a night on the town. Dancing, dinner, romantic candlelight?”
That made Peter stop and look at the frog dead on.
“I’m sorry, what did you just say?”Peter asked, because surely he didn’t hear the frog flirting with him.
“A date, my prince, I’m trying to ask you on a date,” Mercutio said, offering up his miniature flower. “It has been so long since I’ve laid eyes on one who shines like the very moon brought to life.”
“Alright, that’s enough out of you, Leggy,” Tony said, striding over. “For one, that’s my boyfriend you’re hitting on there, and for two, this isn’t the Princess and the Frog, so don’t be expecting a kiss, Fly breath.”
“Cad! How dare you try to speak for the prince!” Mercutio retorted, turning back to Peter. “Fai, don't let such a scallywag order you about!”
Peter just chuckled and leaned into Tony.
“Sorry, Mr. Frog, I’m afraid even if this was the Princess and the Frog I’d be of no help,” Peter said with a small grin. “Tony’s already stolen my heart and is the only one I kiss.”
“Of all of the ridiculous things,” the frog muttered. “How dare you summon me here and not at least allow me the pleasure of a date. I am a man of needs and fine tastes, and yet you would seek to deny me?”
“Yeah, I think I’m seeing how you pissed off a witch or wizard and got yourself cursed into a frog,” Tony said with a huff. “How long will it take to send him back, Petey Pie?”
“I’m still looking. It should just be the reverse order but I used the latin for come instead of bring, so now I’m not sure if I should use go or return or leave to send him back.”
Peter looked quite contrite but Tony just rolled his eyes.
“Don’t worry, babe, I got it,” Tony said, an evil smirk crossing his lips. “I know just where to send this thing.”
Tony picked up the loud mouth frog in one hand and had his wand at the ready. Then, before Peter could argue, he opened the window and flung the frog as hard as he could, yelling “VOLITO!” at the last second before the frog was totally out of sight.
“Tony, what did you do?!?!”
“Don’t worry about it,” Tony said, dropping a kiss on Peter’s cheek. “I just flung him towards the Forbidden Forest and cast a float spell on him. With any luck, he’ll drift right into one of the watery parts where he can flirt with lady frogs for the rest of his days.”
“Tony-” Peter tried to chide him but the other boy just stole another kiss before heading back to their workbench.
“So you love me, huh?”
“Of course I do, you idiot.”
Epilogue
Dumbledore chuckled as he read the latest reports from Hagrid. Apparently they had a new resident in the Forbidden Forest, though he seemed to be an unwilling one if the long line of complaints the groundskeeper reported were true. Perhaps he’d reach out to the local witches and see if anyone was missing a frog familiar. It could probably wait though. Much to do and so little time.