Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The smashing sound of glass was unmistakable. 

(Had vigilante really been dumb enough to lean back in an attempt to make a drunk gesture? Or had Chris been too stupid to understand him in the first place?) 

Vigilante twisted, moving some he was sitting up rather than laying down. He watched in terror as Sophie pointed her gun at him. He realized, belatedly, he was maskless. His mouth fell stark open in surprise, when Chris yelled. 

“GOF!!” Chris shouted, and the words hit Adrian immediately. He pounced to his feet, bullets be damned, and ran from the bug. 

Sophie started shooting, alerting other cops to her location. Chris jumped from the tree onto her, landing his foot harshly into the wrist that was holding the gun. Sophie screamed in agony, wrist fracturing under the harsh weight. “FUCK!” Christ yelled, watching as Adrian was surrounded suddenly. 

Police huddled around him on every side. 

Chris ran at them from behind, bulldozing two of them. He wasn’t killing them, so in his mind, it was fine. Adrian stiffened, watching the entire ordeal go down. But there were still far too many cops around them. 

In their moments pause, before any shots went off, Goff seized her opportunity. 

Adrian opened his mouth to tell Chris to run, so he could fight off the cops himself, and give Chris a chance to get away. This was an ample chance to steal Adrian--every ounce. 

And Goff did. 

She slammed into his mouth, and started to slip down his throat. It burned, like eating molten rocks, and Adrian gagged and choked. He sputtered, feeling blood and bile spit up his throat. He tried desperately to pull her from his mouth, or cough her up, but both attempts proved fruitless. Chris started screaming, grabbing Adrian by the arms and shouting his name as well as Goff’s. 

After a moment, Adrian’s harsh gagging and coughs to sharp sputterings of blood. Adrian slammed to the floor and began convulsing. All the while, police officers looked on in pure terror. 

“ADRIAN!!!” Chris shouted, bending down. Police officers trained their guns on Chris. That was more than enough to send him into a frenzy. 

He slammed into another woman, grabbing her gun from her. He shot two men in the legs, one in the hand, and smacked another woman upside the head with his newfound gun. 

All that was left was Sophie, standing at a distance, staring at him. She was shocked into a terror filled silence. “What…. What is happening to him?” She asked, pointing to a convulsing Adrian. 

His head jerked upwards, and his limbs shook wildly. Chris’ attention was brought back to the team’s youngest. He cursed widely, leaning down and looping one hand under his neck. 

This stopped his head from smacking into the dirt. 

“Fucking butterfly, what the fuck does it look like?!!” Chris shouted at her, vocal chords pushing to the max. 

Chris took the moment of Sophie being stunned, to sweep Adrian up. Adrian was flung over Chris’ shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Being held fireman carry, while convulsing wildly and still spitting up pooling blood. “Stop!! Let me get an ambulance!!” Sophie shouted, turning on her heel and running. 

Chris took off running, ignoring the sound of more gunshots. As long as they weren’t directed at him, it was okay in his mind. He reached the edge of the wood, only to find he’d been followed. A tall, slender man stared at them. “Take my car.” He advised. There were splatterings of blood on the supposed officer, and Chris felt hesitant to listen. 

“Why should I?!” Chris snapped, only to feel that suddenly Adrian had stopped shaking. He was dead still in Chris’ arms. “Give me your fucking keys!!” Chris demanded. 

Adrian was thrown into the passenger seat, head lolling forward limply. Adrian was never still, hell we had never quiet--unless he was out for the kill. It made it all the more horrible to see, his form lifeless and exhausted of all of its quirky energy. 

Of course, that didn’t last long. Adrian’s head jerked up and he gasped in the deepest gulp of air he’d ever taken-to bad it wasn’t his own…

“ C-Chris…? ” He asked slowly. “Ah, it burns…” He mumbled out. Chris whipped his head, but kept driving. “Yes. Yes, buddy, it’s me.” He said. “I’m taking you to Murn, don’t worry.” Chris offered. 

That didn’t take well. Suddenly Adrian was hissing and snarling, fighting with the door that wouldn’t open, and trashing when Chris tried to touch him. “ Let me out! Let me go! Agh- It burns..! ” He wailed. 

Chris was thoroughly freaked. Adrian was crazy, but never like this. His crazy was always impulsive, yet almost calculated. This was pure and animalistic. 

Goff. Of course….

Chris grabbed Adrian’s arms, taking his foot off the pedal. He slammed onto the break, and the car stopped dead. Adrian, or Goff in his body, fought and failed to pry himself from Chris’s iron grip. “ Let. me. go!! ” Adrian’s voice said, distorted and sounding out each word on it’s own. 

Chris pressed his hand flat with Adrain’s neck, bracing the back of his head. His fingers tangled with dark curls, and gripped down. A hiss of pain was forced from Adrian’s lips as his hair was tugged. That was, before Chris unceremoniously slammed his head down onto the dash. There was a remarkably loud crack of glasses, and Adrian went limp once more. 

Chris kept his hand in place, pulling Adrian’s limp head back up against the headrest. His face was covered in blood. Blood from his mouth was drying, with the new addition of small trickles of blood from a cut from the nose of his glasses, and a nosebleed. 

Chris sighed in a deep mournful defeat. Adrian was gone. 

He lost another person……

Adrian’s phone started ringing. That stupid fucking barbie tune-! 

“HELLO?!” Chris shouted into the phone. Harcourt was surprised by the shouting. “Chris? Did you two get away?” She quizzed. Chris felt his lips tremble . That was new, since when did he care so much over Gut Chase’s little brother? 

Since Gut Chase’s little brother turned out to be his dead best friend. 

“No. I mean, yes, we got away.” Chris said, fighting the tremble in his voice now too. 

“But, Goff got Adrian.”

Chapter Text

“Chris, I’m sorry…” Harcourt said gently through the phone. Adrian’s phone. 

“But, he’s not himself anymore. He’s an alien. You need to kill him.” 

Chris stared blankly at the road ahead of him, not daring to steal a glance at the younger man next to him. He couldn’t kill the only person who wouldn’t leave him. Who stuck to him like glue, and refused to ever leave-even if Chris wished he would sometimes. 

Now, in fact, he chided himself for ever wishing his best friend would disappear. It was strangely lonely without him, though it’d only been five minutes since he’d presumably died. 

“I… How can I possibly do that?!” Chris demanded, being fully serious in his question. How on earth could he bring himself to relieve his friend of his pain? “I’ve known him since I was a kid!” Chris shouted. 

Harcourt shifted, and the voice grew firmer, “Chris, calm down-” She started, but he cut her off. “NO!” He shouted, throwing Adrian’s phone from the car.

Speaking of Adrian…Chris turned to look at him. His friend, his second best friend. Who, of course, he now had to kill. 

But how? How could he bring himself to kill the one person who genuinely believed in him? Who he’d known since they were kids? 

Chris pulled the car up further to the grassy side of the road. He opened the door, and pulled Adrian from the car. Carefully, Chris carried his friend through the treeline and into the forest thicket. 

He laid Adrian down on the first floor, watching as grass and fallen pine needles intertwined with his tousled dark locks. His would have looked serine if it wasn’t covered in blood- a reminder of what happened and what Chris had to do. 

Slowly, Chris pulled his grun from his holster. No dove of peace could make this hurt less. 

The gun pointed down at the incapited brunette. Chris’ face twisted tightly, and he looked away. His face scrunched further, and his finger waited over the trigger. 

The car started back up, and Chris drove away. As fast as he could. Before Adrian, or Goff, could wake back up. 

--

“What do you mean he escaped?” Murn shouted. “I went to shoot him, but I couldn’t at first, and then he attacked me!” Chris yelled. 

“Really? Because you hardly have a scratch on you. I’d imagine more damage from a superpowered Vigilante.” Harcourt interjected. Chris rolled his eyes, “I’m stronger than him, duh.” 

The stab against his friend, while his natural response, hurt. He realized belatedly how cruel he could be. (And how despite it all, Adrian never even thought about leaving). 

“Well, either way, we need to stop Goff and kill the cow.” Murn said. “The cow?” Chris demaded. “What fucking cow?!” 

--

Adrian felt like he was in a soup. Thick and foggy. He’d disassociated before. Plenty of time, but it’d never felt like this. He never did drugs either. 

That left him with two barley conscious conclusions, he’d been drugged, or something else entirely. 

His mind reeled deafly as he tried desperately to remember what had happened. To remember anything really. The longer he tried to think, the further his thoughts fell from him. 

And god…. Something burned! Fuck, no, everyhting burned!! 

He went to scream, only to realize, he couldn’t move his body. He couldn’t do anything….

-

Goff woke up, insides still burning, with a newfound migraine. 

She used her new hand to wipe aimlessly at the blood that coated her new face. 

Blood slicked against Adrian’s gloves, though it was barely visible due to their color. Goff checked through every muscle, relearning to use them all in seconds. 

After a brief moment of reigning her coordination, she stood. The last man she’d been in had been a senator, not a strong, sort of lithe fighter. In the back of her head, the thought of turning her body into a fighting machine for justice rang out. 

So that’s why this human was so equipped to fight. He had done this to himself? 

Suddenly, Goff wailed, lurching forward. As if calling on memories that weren’t her own was suddenly something dangerous, she felt hot spikes of burning pain through her and the human. 

Somehow, it seemed the human wasn't gone. Something deep rooted was keeping him attached. It was healing the physical wounds she was causing by being in his head. But there was no telling what was happening in his brain- mentally anyway. 

She hissed out in pain using his mouth. His vocal chords were different from her last ones, giving off an entirely different voice. It was strange to hear a new one each time, in her opinion anyway. 

“Time to call the other’s. I’m going to need help, especially with you .” She mused, making a snarky comment that she hoped the human could hear. Oftentimes she’d stay unnaturally neutral, but this current human was causing too much trouble for her. 

-

Someone was talking to him. Or was he talking to himself? His mouth was open, and he could feel his tongue press against his teeth. 

But he wasn’t talking, was he? 

Adrian couldn’t understand what was happening. He tried his very best to fight against it. To ground himself. 

5 things he could see, 4 things he could touch, 3 thighs he could hear, 2 things he could smell, 1 thing he could hear. 

But he couldn’t move his eyes to see more, or his hands to touch. He couldn’t hear anything over the fog and his own breathing. He couldn't even taste anything but blood on his tongue. 

What was going on?!

<

Chapter Text

Adrian saw the world fully now. Though, he still couldn’t interact with it. 

Few things scared him, mainly because he couldn’t decipher his own emotions most of the time. However, this scared him. He had no sensations, no connection to the real world, and worst of all; no control. 

What was he to do? What could he do? 

With nothing to do, to save himself or even occupy himself, he let his mind rest. It was similar to sleeping, just without dreaming. It was darkness, and while that within itself was unsettling, Adrian found it far less uncomfortable. Every ‘waking’ minute was spent with a highly uncomfortable burning sensation, like he was being set on fire bit by bit.

After a while of ‘sleeping’ Adrian felt himself jolt awake. The flaming sensation had gotten worse, and he couldn’t keep ‘sleeping’ anymore. Adrian wanted to groan in pain, but again, he couldn’t control his mouth. 

His brain was still foggy however, and it took him a minute to realize why everything was burning worse. 

Goff was trying to take his memories again. It had to be the only explanation as to why he kept remembering random things. That had been one of the butterflies' capabilities, hadn’t it? He couldn’t remember properly--not with other people using his brain too. 

Still, Adrian pushed on, refocusing his eyes. It was surprisingly difficult- where were his glasses? 

Something flashed lowly in the back of his mind, a memory maybe? There was a sharp pain against his face and a loud snap in this supposed memory. His glasses must’ve been broken in some fight. 

Great, another thing he didn’t know; what fight? 

Speaking of things he didn’t know, he didn’t know how he managed to get into such a large field. Everything was dark, meaning he must’ve been asleep for a while. The sky was a black as ink, but it didn’t stay dark for long. 

After a slow pause, Adrien's body moved to the center of the field. The dark sky lit up with all kinds of blue light. 

Curiosity made him want to speak, badly, to spill the thoughts that built and caught in his brain. Instead, he was stuck just watching.

Watching as the stars fell from the sky and landed around his feet. Small, silver, metal stars. Stars that cracked open to reveal more of his capture. More goddamn butterflies.

Adrien wished he could tell Peacemaker about this, to warn his best friend, But he couldn’t even make his fingers twitch. It all felt so suddenly hopeless. Fear was something he’d rarely felt. Hopelessness even less. He always had Peacemaker, and the idea of justice in mind. Now, there was no peacemaker, and he couldn’t move an inch towards justice. 

The world would end, and it would be by his hands. How ironic-- the very man devoted to justice was about to tear everything and everyone limb from limb. 

Adrien heard his voice distort into a squealing shriek. It was high pitched, and hurt his ears a little. It made the burning sensation grow into his throat worse. It was gone in an instant, but his head started to throb a little. (He ignored it in favor of a memory of Peacemaker saying migraines were for pussies). 

The creatures around him began to shriek too, making his head throb more. They were communicating, and for a moment there, Adrien was certain he understood them too. 

God if only he could tell his best friend about this. Chris and the other’s would need to hear about this. 

He wondered, vaguely, that if he managed to find them, if they would just kill him. He was infected now. This sudden thought turned the fog Adrien was squashed inside of, into a raging sea. It swept up around him, and like treacherous sea water, it pressed down his throat. It clouded everything. 

Something about the thought of his (only) friends killing him upset him. Upset him in a way he could recognize. (He’d always had trouble understanding his emotions, but he could sometimes feel them physically. Other Times they would just stick to him and stay for so long unless he addressed them-which he didn’t like doing.)

It hurt him a surprisingly large amount. Adrien only trusted Peacemaker, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t close with the others.

Not that he’d ever admit it, or fully understand it, but he liked being with the others a lot. They made him feel like he had a place, even after his brother bullied him and his parents split. It was nice…

Suddenly the sea turned back to fog. Adrien’s attention was moved from his unreadable emotions back to what was happening before him. 

Ok, now he was certain he was understanding those freaky ass bugs. 

“ Follow my command, and the cow will survive. As will we. ” He could hear himself screeching. Even without the use of proper words, Adrien knew what he was trying to say. 

--

Adrien stormed into the police station. 

After Goff had seen the raid on Peacemaker, she had come up with a new idea. All the butterflies that she had called would fit perfectly in the vast population of cops and criminals. All she had to do was move Adrien into the station, and it was all over. 

So that's what she was doing. 

A wave of blue followed behind Adrien. Butterflies swiftly passed his face, and breezed by his curls. A smile pressed against his lips, though it’d taken a minute. His dimples pulled against his cheeks as Goff forced him to grin. 

Adrien, personally, didn't want to smile at the destruction of more people he could be saving. 

The man on the inside, Captain Locke, looked horrified. He raised his gun towards Adrien, willing to fire as he stalked closer. 

Locke held his gun out, and Adrien walked right up to it. Forehead bumped into the end of the gun, and his grin got wider. 

Slowly, Adrien extended his hand so it was right next to Locke’s chin. “I’ll shoot.” Locke warned, watching in horror as the entire department was torn apart. 

Adrien felt his tongue press against teeth again. It was so weird to take a backseat in his own body. He was getting pretty sick of it at this point… 

“Oh, it’s too late for that.” he said, a smile clear as day in his voice. 

Goff wondered if any of Adrien’s unhinged personality was rubbing off on her. That had never happened to her before. If she didn’t need his stronger body, she would have jumped ship at the regenerative theory. 

Locke seemed horrified as Goff gave into Adrien’s tendencies, and opened his hand. A butterfly had been carefully held in his palm, and was now exposed to Locke. Before he could run, or protest, or shoot , it was down his throat. 

On the other side of the station, Sophie was running for her life. Her shoes scuffed against tile as she ran, slamming into one of the back doors. She managed to escape the building before being noticed. Sophie ran as fast as she could to the parking lot, crawling into her car for safety. 

Her wrist, which was fixed up in a brace, stung and throbbed. However, she ignored it. 

Sophie knew one thing-- she had to find Peacemaker.

Chapter Text

Sophie scrambled from her car, which was parked down the road a little ways from Auggie’s house. 

If Peacemaker was hiding somewhere, this was the place to start. 

Sophie pressed herself against the side of the house, leaning by the window. (She knew that she had to work outside the law now. This was far beyond all that).

Sophie listened in on Auggie and his followers. From the crack in the frame of his dank window, she could hear their plans. 

They were going to follow Peacemaker. 

She had to stop him. She had to find the peacemaker— he was only the one would could save her partner and everyone else from the butterflies. 

Sophie quietly crept away from the side of the house. She crawled back into her car and drove off. 

-

Carefully, Sophie trailed behind Auggie and his racist group. 

That’s when the fighting started. 

-

The fighting started and did end for a long time. 

Without anything to get in Auggie’s way, he looked over Peacemaker. Sophie decided it was time to step in. 

She started to shoot at Auggie, who whipped around. He fired something at Sophie, who jumped out of the way. Her car was instantly blown to shit, as she herself was tossed to the side. 

Sophie flitted into unconsciousness, letting the darkness take her. 

When she woke up, her back burned, she blinked several times. When the world focused, it spun and spun. 

After a long moment, Sophie rose to her feet. She was stunned to see her car up in flames. 

Thankfully, there was still a perfectly intact car-courtesy of the racists. 

Sophie drove down the road, hoping to see Peacemaker and the other man he’d been with. 

Thankfully, it wasn’t long until they scrambled from the copse of the woods. 

She threw the door open, staring daggers down at them. “Get in! Before he finds you!!” Sophie yelled. Before Chris and the other man came to their senses and joined her, Auggie ran at them. 

--

Chris cried. 

He cried over the dead form of his father. He cried over the spirit and memory of his friend. 

Chris kept crying and crying, until he couldn’t anymore. Guilt wracked his body. Over how he was a bad son, a bad friend. How he constantly cursed out Adrian, how his father never loved him. 

Everything was all wrong. So terribly, terribly wrong. All Chris wanted was for things to be alright. But they had never felt worse. 

The team had fallen apart, Adrian had been taken over, Eagly had been shot, and now his father was dead. All he had was Economos left. Economos; the man he constantly berated and was rude to.

Maybe it was Chris’ fault? All of it, really. He wasn’t much of a good person anyway. 

There was a small voice in the back of his head that sounded far too much like vigilante. Happy-go-lucky as ever, and oh so brutally honest and loyal. It hissed in the back of his brain that he didn’t kill Adrian, that he had to kill his father. And, that even though he was shitty a lot- he wasn’t irredeemable. There were still people with him, people still by his side. Even if Adrian and his father weren’t anymore. 

Chapter Text

Ok. Now Adrien was sure he could understand the butterflies. 

They were chittering behind distorted human voices. The screeching sound had slowly sounded more and more like coherent words. 

Adrien thought that this whole aspect was so interesting. (How long had he wished he could talk to bugs and animals when he was little?)

It made him miss Chris more, however. Normally they’d banter, or freak out over the whole situation together. Now, he was facing it alone. 

It was like when Peacemaker had gone to prison, but much much worse. 

Adrien felt startling alone, despite white literally having someone else in his brain and skull. It made the whole situation feel worse, in truth. 

If Adrien could, he would be squirming and probably clawing at his dark curls to pull the big out. If he was going to be all alone, he’d like to do it properly. 

Adrien was feeling things he’d never felt before, things he couldn’t understand. Not on his own. 

He didn’t want to be trapped with some bug, and emotions he couldn’t decipher. 

Goff could feel Adrien’s distress. The emotions he couldn’t understand, Goff could. Sharp panicked, fear, and the deep feeling of loneliness and abandonment churned in the shared brain. 

Goff wasn’t sure how to get Adrien past the emotions. She’d never been in the front seat of a still active brain. 

Goff put all of her focus onto Adrien’s memories, trying to pull images and emotions to calm him. When it didn’t stifle the emotions or Adrien’s consciousness. 

Goff pushed harder into his mind, forcing the burning consciousness back into one specific memory. One very cherished memory. 

Suddenly warmth flooded Adrien. It was a broiling hot summer day. 

Adrien was watching Chris and his older brother Gut play. They finally let him join. Finally. 

Adrien was caught up in the smells and sounds, and feelings, to realize it was a memory. The longer he spent there, the more and more detached he became. After a while, he slipped back to sleep, allowing Goff full control over his mind once more.

--

Adrien was leading a force of police officers to Murn’s door. 

Around the corner, Harcourt and Leota waited with baited breath. 

Adrien didn’t even wait to bang on the door. He stalked up to the door, launching it open with a superhuman kick. Murn stumbled back from the spot. Murn’s body was stiff, and tight. He knew that it was the end of the line for him. Made all the worse by the killer’s face being Adrien’s. 

Murn wasn’t soft-hearted or sweet at all. He was rough and made no attempt to soften his sharp edges. But, it would be a lie to say he hadn’t grown a little fond of his team. He needed to put his trust in them to help him save the world. That kind of trust had to come with at least some other feelings. 

Of all of the humans, their small team were the ones he really cared about. And now, one had been taken over by his queen, and was about to kill him. 

Human’s had a funny way of destroying everything, even when it wasn’t exactly their fault. 

Murn braced himself for the end. “It was an honor fighting beside you. Including you, Vigilante.” 

“NO!!” Vigilante screeched. His hands shook and whipped backwards like a seizure. Blood choked up his throat, and his hands wouldn’t stop shaking still. All that followed Adrien’s freak out was more butterfly screeching. However, the gurgling screams weren’t words, just wild screams. The screaming urtled before dying down. It calmed down, as Goff reformed her control. 

Never in her entire life had she ever had someone survive her control. Never had they ever revolted against her. Whatever she’d done to push Adrien down into his memories had worn off her concentration had waned. The distaste Adrien felt for killing Murn must’ve given him some kind of adrenaline boost-- giving him extra strength to push through. 

But it didn’t matter anymore. Goff had seized control again. Adrien was nothing against her grip on his mind. She would kill Murn, and save the cow. She would save her people-- and the humans. Not a single thing would slip through her grasp. Goff would take control, and she would keep control. 

-

Adrien had pierced the memories, torn through his emotions, and clawed through the fog of his mind. Only to find that he was about to kill Murn…. 

He couldn't let it happen! It made no sense! Nothing, not a single ounce of it made any fucking sense-! 

So, Adrien did what he knew how to do. He fought. 

But it wasn’t enough. He’d broken through, but not long enough to save anyone. Just long enough to scream and cough up blood. In the wake of his breakthrough, was the taste and sight of blood. Murn’s corpse laid below him, and the far off sensation of butterfly wings crushing between his hands rung out. 

Adrien felt awful. If he was normally in his body, it would feel like a painful weight on his body and a tight tension in his jaw. He’d often times feel certain negative emotions physically. This probably would translate too. 

Only, he was certain he’d feel it emotionally too. 

He killed whoever got in the way. No remorse, or questions asked. But, he was killing Murn. And it all just felt so wrong. All he wanted was for things to feel normal again. To claw the butterfly from his brain and shoot it dead. But instead he was forced to go against justice, become the villain, and kill his friends. 

He was becoming everything he trained himself to stop.

Chapter Text

Of all the strange things they’d done, having random vets join their team felt the weirdest. After regaling their attempts to save the world against the butterflies had riled up the nurses and vets, the team reluctantly let them come. 

Who cares if they were not experienced. They could hold a gun and shoot it-- and they needed all the help they could get. Especially with Vigilante being the new host for the queen. 

Harcourt wasn’t very certain about having them tag along. But only the three of them weren’t enough. So, finally, she conceded and allowed the random vets to come with them. 

“Fine. But, we need to have a serious talk first.” HArcourt said gravely. Everyone stiffened, and listened to their new leader. (Though it was a little hard with the new additions looking on so intently). 

The conversation had started off soft and somewhat mild. Then it had spiraled with Chris’ boiling hot rage. 

“Chris, we need to consider the possibilities…” Emilia said. Chris shook his head. “No. We’re not killing Adrian!!” He snapped. Leota frowned, feeling worse about the whole situation. She wanted to comfort him somehow, but she didn’t know what to do. Especially since he was still so mad with her. 

“It’s not Adrian anymore.” Emilia argued, trying to be firm yet still console him. “You have to let him go.” She argued gently. “I know it’s hard-” Leota cut in, before being cut off. 

“-You don’t know shit!!” Chris shouted, before Emilia slammed her hands over his mouth. If they were too loud, the butterflies would hear. “I just had to kill my dad! My brother is dead, no one on this team is loyal-” He said, throwing a harsh glare at Leota, “-So, no! We are not killing Adrian!” Chris argued.  

The vets paused, “ Who exactly is Adrien? ”

--

Adrien had been far more lucid since his little excursion back to reality. His mind was in a considerably lesser amount of fog, and the physical press of emotions weighed on his spine once more. It was odd really, after feeling nothing- or hardly anything- for what felt like so long . 

With his new found lucidity, Adrien was starting to find new memories in his mind. Whatever link was formed when Goff took him over, was starting to give Adrien Goff’s memories too. Everytime the queen called upon a memory, or new thought, it existed in his mind too. 

‘Neat’ he thought. He would have quipped about the connection if he could’ve. 

He’d even thought about some joke, about how he wished he and Peacemaker had this kind of connection. But Goff crushed it from both of their minds too fast for him to solidify it. 

As his attention swirled back to the detached reality before him, he noted one big ugly… thing. He’d seen it a few times already. Goff hadn’t wanted to stray far from it, staying close to it every chance she’d get. Which meant Adrien was along for the ride! 

He watched as what Goff called-or thought- was a ‘cow’ was being milked. It was grotesque, and yet, in his eyes kinda cool. But like… in a nasty way, that again, he wished he could joke about. 

‘ Don’t mock her ’ Hissed in the back of his mind. It must’ve been Goff, because Adrien didn’t have a filter. Not like that anyway. If Adrien could shrug, he would’ve. But he couldn’t, so he was forced to internal sigh, or groan, and hope that Goff felt it in the back of her mind. 

It was weird, like playing a game of telephone with their thoughts, feelings, and memories. It was difficult and made communication estranged. Not to mention a pain in the ass. If Goff wanted, she could send Adrien spiraling back into various memories. 

“How much longer until the teleporter is ready?” He heard himself say, impetently. ‘Chill out man’ Adrien thought, while Goff brushed it off. “We need to leave as soon as possible.” She warned. If her host’s strength was anything like his team’s, they would be in for trouble. 

--

The vets, and the whole team really, watched in stunted awe as Eagly flew off--only to drop the helmet. 

“OK. They could be teleporting this cow any minute. We need to fan out and find this helmet.” Harcourt ordered. 

Economos was stuck with a vet, while the two others went together. Harcourt wasn’t sure what help they could provide other than grabbing the helmet, but oh well… 

-

As Chris blew a dart into his father’s head, another voice rang out behind him. “Sick dude!” It cheered, only to pause. “You’re not going to start doing your facial exercises again, are you?” The voice chimed. 

Chirs whipped around, only to find his suspicions confirmed. Adrien, clean and pristine, stood before him. He was in his casual clothes, as if he hadn’t died being Vigilante. As if he hadn’t died being Chris’ only real human friend. 

Chris scowled. “I’m sick of you stupid ghosts!!” He cried out. “Why are you even here?!” Chris demanded. Adrien shifted backwards. “I dunno man. I told you I’m not an introspective kind of guy.” he said simply with a shrug of his shoulders. 

The casualty in his voice made Chris want to scream or cry. Instead, he pulled out another dart, ready to fire and--

--”Chris?” then, “What the hell are you doing?” Harcourt’s voice asked, piercing his babbling. CHris swallowed thickly, to find both forms of ghostly family had vanished. “N-nothing.” he lied openly. Just as Harcourt was about to call him out, the glint of his helmet snagged her eye. 

--

“Well, that’s it for the charges.” Chris lamented.  They had used the helmet to its max. Now, it was time to fight.

Emilia, Chris, and the three random vets stormed out onto the field. 

And all hell broke loose. 

Adrien emerged from the wreckage. “ I won’t let you kill the cow. ” He announced, rushing forward. Pulling the machete from his back, he began his work. 

He surged forward, running for one of the vets. 

It was the male nurse, and internally, Adrien wondered what it must’ve been like to be a male nurse. ‘ Why didn’t he just become a doctor? ’ 

The machete swung down with fervor. It was as precise as the vets and their scalpels. It wrenched up, then to the side, and up some more. Cut clean from the vet was his left arm, as well as a piercing wail of pain. The weapon swung down this time, and next to go was the head. 

The male nurse fell dead to the ground. If the real Adrien hadn’t been so against the murder, he would have found it very cool and impressive. (He still did. He just wouldn't admit it, because it was against his will). 

The next one to go was another nurse. First her two legs were cut in one fell swoop. Then her right hand, and again, another decapitation. The final vet ran at full speed at Adrien, gun pointed and at the ready to shoot. But he never got the chance to pull the trigger as the senseless killing machine pulled out one small knife. 

Adrien’s knife skills were highly impressive. That mixed with brutal, emotionless killing with an express purpose of killing humans made him highly dangerous. This meant that all it took was one small knife, and the final vet was done. 

Goff had used adrien to whip the knife backwards, flying and lodging itself into the last man’s neck. 

“Take care of the cow!! I’ll deal with Adrien!” Harcourt shouted to Chris. “NO! You can’t kill him!” Chris urged, even as he watched the senseless carnage. It was even more cruel and mindless than Vig’s. At least his had been in the name of vengeance and justice and helping people . Not brutally ripping them apart. 

But, Chirs had heard about adrien’s fit with Murn. He had to believe, somehow, his friend had held on. 

“Fine! I’ll just hold him off!!” Harcourt promised. Chris nodded, running forward towards the barn. 

Adrien’s possessed form seemed to notice this too, chasing after him. Harcourt wasn’t fast enough, and was too far away. 

ANother assailant was even closer however. Sophie’s partner was about to grab Chris when--

--a machete slammed down into the man’s face. “ Don’t fuck with my BFF!!” Screamed a gurgled voice. Gurgled by blood in the back of his throat. It was Adrien… the real Adrien. Chris spun around to look up at his friend in astonishment.

“Just hold on a little longer, Ade !!” Chris begged before continuing on his mission.

Chapter Text

Adrian watched in terror as another butterfly ran for Chris. No one was going to mess with his bff!
He knew if he could do it before, he could do it again… he surged forward, and broke through.
The fog pressed thickly in the back of his mind, but he ignored it in favor of bringing his machete down onto the cop’s head.
There was a far off scream of mourning, which he realized was from the other female cop, Sophie.Her scream pulled him from his concentration, and the fog began to take hold again. Before he could slip back under Goff’s control, Chris started speaking.

“Just hold on a little longer, Ade!!” Chris begged. Ade… No one had called him that since he was a kid…funny, really, to hear Chris call him that. Adrien’s mouth fell open to speak, only to find it slam close.
His control and concentration had vanished, allowing Goff to regain her force over his body.

‘Damn, why did Chris have to call him Ade? He might’ve been able to stay in control a little longer….’ Adrien thought-or rather pouted, internally.

He watched the world around him, feeling exhausted from breaking free. Much to his chagrin, his body was now chasing Peacemaker. Goff forced his legs into a dash, and his whole body into a lunge.
Adrian chased Chris down the stairs, which creaked under their combined weight. His body kicked off the stairs into a jump. His feet landed square into the small of Chris’ back, sending him hurtling forward. This caused the stairs to collapse, falling down around the both of them.

Before long, they were buried alive. Internally, Adrian panicked a little. Thoughts like ‘What a lame way to die’ mixed with, ‘Oh god! Did I kill Peacemaker?!’ rattled around in his head. HIs body began to flail, under no one’s accord. It was a mixture of adrenaline, Adrien’s panicking, and Goff’s will to free herself. After a moment, Goff regained her composure and put an end to the flailing. It was quickly replaced by calculated movements to free herself.
After she had pulled them from the wreckage, she viewed the mass of rock and wood. Underneath it all, she could see things shifting. It was undoubtedly Peacemaker.
This revelation gave Adrian the longest sigh of relief in his entire life.

Adrien’s hands clasped onto Peacemakers and pulled him from the debris. “Goff?” Chris asked. “Yeah.” She said. Chris hated how it was Adrian’s voice.
“I’m sorry V!” Chris called, hoping Adrian could hear it somewhere. He could, and could only grin internally. He’d always wanted to spar with Peacemaker. And he was more than happy to have him kick his ass if it meant Goff went down too.

Chris punched him clean in the face, knocking his head back. The next hits he threw didn’t land, as Adrian's more lithe form slipped back and away from them. Adrien flung his knee up and into Chris’ stomach, making him gag and cough for a second. Next Chris was punched in the face, before being pinned to the wall.
Adrian’s mouth fell open to speak, before he was cut off.

Adebayo stepped into view. “Activate human human torpedo!” She cried out. “NO Adebayo!” Chris shouted in response. Someone was going to get hurt-badly. Either she or Adrian and Chris couldn’t admit he didn’t want to see either.
However, she flung past Adrian and into the wall. Chris cursed, and Adrian laughed a little on the inside. However, his face was still dead serious, finally getting his chance to talk.

“Listen to me. I have no reason to hurt you.” He said. Chris found it unnerving to hear Adrian’s voice lack all personality and luster. There was no energy behind his words like normal, and instead was replaced with something serious and grave. “Stop fighting. Follow me.” Adrien added, releasing his death grip on Chris.

He followed Adrian, just as he had done so many times before. He’d never admit it, but Adrian was the only person he really trusted. “Holy cow.” Chris muttered at the sight before him. “It is.” Adrian said softly. Another thing he wasn't used to hearing.
“I need three sets of hands to help us teleport her away from here.” Adrian stated. “The fuck would I help you?!” Chris exclaimed, furious that it was even a question. “Because I know once I tell you the truth, like I did with Judomaster, you’ll join us.” Adrian said, voice still soft.

Chris didn’t like how soft and expecting it sounded. It was so out of character, too composed and unlike him. It made him want to decline the offer all the more.

“Murn told us the truth already!” Chris snapped. “You murder innocent people all over the country by taking them over, in your dipshit quest for power. You took over Ade!!” He yelled, nickname slipping out on accident. Adrian’s face twisted, and it was unclear who inside his head had done it.
“We’re not doing this for power. We’re doing it because we took a vow.” Adrian clarified. This gave Chris pause. Especially from behind Adrian’s face, it was hard not to.
Chris listened to what Adrian said next, voice somber and sad. He spoke about how they had traveled to earth, after their own planet had fallen from grace.

“But not long after we arrived, we realized the people of earth were on the exact same trajectory our people had been.” Adrian said, sounding sort of exacerbated. He went off about how the earth was destroying itself. “And so, we made a vow to do anything we could to change your future.” he explained. Chris stiffened, vows vows vows. All in the name of good. (But what good were they really?)

“We made a vow to make the choices for you that you were incapable of making on your own.” Adrian hissed out, “To save your people and your world. No matter how many lives it cost us.” He continued. Chris remembered his brother… remembered Adrian before he was just another life without meaning. Another body in the pile in the name of the greater good.
“You’re one of us, Christopher Smith.” He said, stepping closer and closer. Chris could remember praying after killing his brother, could remember killing Flag, could remember saving people…. With Adrian.
Adrian who was inching closer. Adrian who was pulling off his glove and cupping Chris’ face with a soft, calloused hand.

“Thank you for feeding me, and talking to me, and showing me kindness.” Adrian said. All things Chris regretted so deeply. All those little things at the cost of someone so important. “I see who you are and I see your character.” He added gently. Chris wanted to melt into the words, into the gentle embrace. To pretend it was really Vigilante, and not Goff.
“I tried telling you yesterday, in the jar.” He explained. “The peace sign.” Chris realized. Adrian nodded gently, a small smile quirked onto his lips. (It made Chris miss the full grins he used to have).

“Please fulfill your calling. Be the Peacemaker. Join us in saving your planet.” Goff begged. Begged using Adrian’s voice. Begged using Adrian. It made Chris sick.

“Why should I? What’s left for me, now that you’ve taken Adrian. What’s stopping you from taking the others too?!” Chris hissed out. Adrian’s hand pressed further into his cheek, grounding him. If only it really was Adrian. “Your friend is still in here, somehow. I haven’t hurt him. I’ve just sent him away, into a dream of memories.” he said. “And, you can save your friends--and everyone else on the entire planet, by joining me.”

He wanted to listen. To do anything Adrian asked, especially after he had failed him. He wanted to be good, and bring peace. But if the cost was more Adrian’s, and more brothers… more innocent, good people, he wouldn’t have it. That wasn’t peace. That wasn’t meaningless deaths.

“Activate human torpedo.” He said. “W-what?” Adrian asked. As Leota flung forward, Chris grabbed Adrian and held him close. Adrian kicked and squirmed. He peaked over Chris’ broad shoulder to see the cow dying. He screamed and wailed and fought harder until---

---”I’m so, so, so sorry Ade.” Chris said, aiming his gun for his friend’s abdomen. Adrian jerked to the side, just as the trigger was pulled.
A horrible scream, that was both Butterfly screeching and Adrian’s voice wrenched its way up his throat and into Chris’ ear. Chris didn’t let go of his flailing, dying friend.

Adrian gagged, gagged on blood, and butterfly wings, as the creature clawed its way out desperately. Goff managed to pull herself out of Adrian’s throat. Chris, still holding Adrian with one hand, grabbed Goff.
He held the bug in his hands, lightly at first. Only to crush and crush and crush. “YOU BASTARD!!” He yelled mournfully, murdering the thing that had supposedly taken his friend from him.

He dropped Goff’s corpse onto the ground, and put both hands onto Adrian. It wasn’t long before Leota was stumbling over to them.

Chris tightened his grip on Adrian's body, which was losing its heat. “Forgive me, Ade.” He whispered into his dying friend's ear. Too quiet for Leota to hear.

She gasped when she saw it; a limp Adrian in Chris’ arms. His head had lolled forward onto Chris’ shoulder, and his face was paling rapidly.
Chris sobbed, “I… I killed him, Leota.” He cried out. Leota slunk closer, and carefully put one hand on Chris’ shoulder. With the other, she gently pressed her two fingers to his neck.

“Chris!! He’s still alive! THERE'S A PULSE!” She yelled.

Chapter Text

His first breaths of air, that were his own again, were thick slow wheezes. His breath was slow and heavy, and horribly painful. 

Adrian wasn’t conscious, the pain he felt keeping him under. 

All the while Chris held Adrian close. He’d let him go once, and wasn’t really keen on doing it again. No one bothered to question Chris on it, as it was clear he’d just deny it. Everyone in the van just stayed quiet. 

Every now and again the silence of the van was cut off by the sound of someone, usually harcourt, groaning in pain. Sophie had taken to cleaning and dressing the other woman’s wounds. She only had one gunshot wound by her shoulder, and while painful, far from fatal. 

Economos couldn’t drive with his hurt leg, so Sophie was set on driving once she’d patched everyone up. The very concussed Leota fell asleep, as did Harcorut. Only Chris and Economos stayed awake in the back. Anytime Economos would stare too long at the way Chris held Adrian, he’d earn the harshest glare Chris could muster. No one was going to judge him for holding his wounded BFF. 

When they got to the hospital, Chris ran ahead of the others, calling out for medical assistance. He had to clench his jaw as he watched them wheel Adrian away. If he could have, he would have followed Adrian and the nurses all the way. But instead, he stayed in the waiting room. He waited, and waited and waited. 

--

Adrian had gone into a coma, medically induced at first. Then, his mind and body just settled into silence to heal. For once, he no longer bounced off the walls, saying quips and jokes. Instead he rested. His previously unknown healing factor worked overtime to protect him from Goff, and worked overtime to heal him too. 

After two weeks, Adrian woke up. 

Large hands had seized his smaller one instantly. Adrian had tried to pull back, but was too weak. However, even the minor movement he managed, made him nearly burst into tears. His breath hitched, then grew fast as he took heaving gulps. 

Chris hovered above him, squeezing his hands. “Adrian, Ade , look at me. Stop doing that- shit dude breathe normal!” Chris snapped anxiously. 

Adrian stopped at Chris’s command, chest still heaving a little as he let his breath even out. “Jesus man, why did you do that?” Chris chided. Adrian looked up at him with glossy, half lidded eyes. He barely looked lucid. 

“It’s just, my air. It’s not Goff’s anymore.” he mumbled out, head lolling to the side a little. Chris swallowed thickly. He wasn’t expecting that response. The thought made his stomach churn. How badly had Goff affected and hurt Adrian? 

Adrian tried to sit up, and groaned, clutching his side where he’d been shot. Chris felt guilty, and quickly went to push him back down. Adrian fought against the hands, trying very badly to sit up. “Adrian stop , you need to lay down. You’ll pull stitches.” Chris told him gruffly. 

Adrian listened to Chris, as he almost always did. Adrian stilled in the cot, and let himself sink into the pillow. “... Ok .” he said after a long minute, voice rough from lack of use. His eyes were slowly drifting close, and Chris conceded. 

He clicked the button on the side of the bed, to call doctors in. They were already on their way, however, getting a notification that Adrian had woken up. When they arrived, Chris was ushered from the room so the doctors had space. 

Back to the waiting room it was… 

--

The next day Chris walked into the room to visit Adrian. Only to find the bed empty….

Fuck.

Chapter Text

Fuck . Where on earth had Adrian gone? He’d even left all of his things at the hospital. He’d just taken himself and left. 

Chris decided the best course of action was to send out a group text, and have the 11th street kids, plus Sophie look for Adrian. 

It was strange to have Sophe with them, but Chris figured having a cop look for him would make it more efficient. 

Sophie had joined them since the fight with his father. After that, and the fight at the barn, she’d just been taken in as another 11th street kid. And while she wasn’t accepted perfectly, being an outsider cop who was late to the party, the others still seemed to like her. She’d helped them afterall, and matched their more grounded personalities. 

Everyone replied to his text, saying thye;’d check separate places. Adebayo said she’d check his work place, Harcourt said she’d check his apartment, while Sophie and economos would check around and online for him. 

Chris, of course, was going to check his own house for Adrian. It seemed like something he’d do; run off to Chris’ house, in search of him, or even just for the hell of it. Adrian would always say it was just a part of being Chris’ BFF. (OF course, Chris would deny their friendship. But Adrian’s close call had made him regret all of that now). 

Chris ran from the hospital, to the parking lot, and into his (stolen) car. All the while panicking. He had no idea which place Adrian had chosen to go, or why. Not to mention how long he’d been gone, and the pressing fact that it was a second story drop . 

The thought of Adrian wandering around, high on pain medication, half naked in a medical gown made Chris panic in a rather annoyed manner. How stupid was the great Vigilante to run off with nothing but himself and the stitches in his side??  

Speaking of stitches… Chris swore, if Adrian popped any, he’d shoot him again!

--

Adrian guessed whatever drugs the hospital had put him on were wearing off. He thought this because 3 things: 

1. He was in an excruciating amount of pain 
2. He felt sufficiently more lucid and put together (well as much as he could get)
3. The world had stopped feeling far away, and was suddenly very close and spinny

These were good enough reasons for him to conclude the drug had worn off, especially by the time he reached Chris’ house. 

He walked over to the front door, which was in surprisingly good shape. How long had he been in a coma again? Had it really been long enough for Chris to fix his house after the police raid? 

Apparently so, as, even the shattered window was fixed. Adrian knew how to get inside anyway though. He flipped over the welcome mat… only to find no key. It wasn’t on top of the door frame, or wedged between any of the window frames either. Which was strange, Chris always had a spare key laying around. Vigilante would know, he’d crashed in on his BFF plenty of times before. 

SO, instead of breaking in through the front door, he decided to use the sky light. It was always unlocked, and their previous escape reminded him of its existence. However, getting onto the roof while in excruciating pain, and trying not to pull any stitches was much harder than he imagined. But he was Vigilante. Nothing ever stopped him. Especially from fulfilling his bad ideas. 

He managed to crawl up a tree and onto the roof. His side began to burn horrifically, but Adrian grit his teeth and kept going. He crawled his way to the sky light, and fell through. He fell down onto the couch, thankfully. 

However, the pain and the impact was enough to send Adrian under. 

--

And that was how Chris found him, almost an hour later. Blood had started to spill from a wound and a bloody stain had pooled onto Adrian’s hospital gown. This made Chris’ face split into a wide grimace. He frowned, and gently shook Adrian’s shoulders. Even when he stopped shaking, he kept his hands clamped down on his friend’s shoulders. 

Adrian woke up after a moment, eyes half lidded and looking groggy. Most likely from blood loss and walking so far. Chris had to wonder how he even got inside, especially considering all the doors and windows were locked. 

“How did you get in here?” Chris asked, voicing his concern and confusion. Adrian blinked at him slowly, not understanding the question. “W-...huh?” he mumbled out. Chris frowned further, “I said, ‘how did you get in here’?” He asked again. 

Adrian gulped in air, eyes roving slowly to look right above him. It was clear he was drowsy and was having a hard time being coherent. “I… fell.” he managed finally, pointing upwards a little. Chris loomed up, and grimaced again. Of course Adrian used the sky light, and of course he fell down. 

Chris sighed so deeply, and sounded upset. This made Adrian frown now too. “What’s wrong? Did I do something..?” He asked. Chris’ head jerked down to look at Adrian. Adrian slunk a slow, hand up to Chris’ cheek. Chris grabbed it a little too hard. “Don’t you remember not to do that?” Chris snapped. 

Adrian looked so upset. And Chris pulled his hands back from Adrian’s wrist. Adrian felt guilty, an emotion he wasn’t very equipped to understand or deal with. “Sorry. Don’t be upset.” Chris muttered, defeated. It was weird. Had chris ever said sorry, much less to him? 

“You pulled your stitches.” Chris said quickly, changing the subject and drawing Adrian’s attention. “Oh no!” Adrian cried out, hands fumbling to draw his gown upwards. It exposed his stomach, and the clear blood from the stitches. “Oh no, dude, they aren’t pulled.” Chris told Adrian, calming him down. 

“The doctor said you might bleed a little. I mean… they look fine. But we’ll still have you get checked out.” Chris added. Adrian immediately started squirming on the couch. “No, wait, can’t you just look?” He asked. Chris eyed him, confused. 

“Why don’t you want to go to the hospital?” Chris asked. Adrian turned his head away. “It’s too white , and quiet , and it all smells weird like rubbing alcohol. And I hate the bathrooms!” Adrian complained, though there was an edge to his voice.
“Don’t be nervous, Adrian.” Chris said, trying to sound supportive. “I’ll visit a lot.” 

Adrian shook his head. “No, no, I just need a nap. I'll be fine.” Adrian dismissed. Chris frowned, “You took more than just a bullet, Ade, Goff was in your mind too.” He said. Adrian flinched at that. Chris had never seen him flinch, except when Gut was beating on him. 

“You keep calling me Ade. No ones called me that in so long.” He mused. Chris paused, “I don’t know, don’t ask me that.” Chris snapped back. 

Adrian nodded, “Ok.” He said, sounding totally unaffected. He paused, “Do you think I can just stay here?” Adrian asked. “What?! No!” Chris yelled back. Adrian pouted, “But I think I have a super healing ability. Does this mean I don’t have to go back to the hospital?” he asked. 

Chris paused. Wait… what? Super healing ability? 

It made sense. Afterall, Adrian had survived Goff’s initial takeover, had the ability to break free, and survived being shot. Not to mention how quickly he’d healed up in the hospital. 

Still, super healing or not, Adrian had to go back to the hospital. “No. You have to go back.” Chris said. Adrian scooted up on the couch, ignoring the pain in his side. “No, come on! Just let me stayyy!” He pleaded. 

Before he could plead anymore, Chris grabbed him. His hands looped around Adrian and tossed him upwards. If he had a healing factor, then he could survive this. Adrian was thrown over Chris’ shoulder. 

“Hey!!” Adrian whined. He didn’t mind being carried by Peacemaker, but the fact that he was being carried like he weighed nothing did. Adrian was quick to voice his thoughts. “Heyy… you know I weigh a ton ! I work out a lot , I don’t weigh the same as a bag of feathers.” He cried out. Chris just rolled his eyes, “Man, shut up.”

Chapter Text

It had been a few more days in the hospital, all of which were spent with Chris visiting Adrian. It seemed it was the only thing that forced him to not escape again. That, and the frequent nurse and security checks Adrian had to deal with constantly since he snuck out. 

The doctors were horrified with how quickly Adrian had been healing, and before long Adrian was getting discharged. However, he was on strict command not to do anything strenuous. 

Of course, Adrian being Adrian, wasn’t going to follow through with that. Adrian was going to keep doing vIgilante work, and ignore the doctors orders. The 11st kids weren’t very keen on that verdict, however.

Just to make sure Adrian didn’t push himself too far, after being taken for a spin by Goff, Chris offered him to stay over. It was a cheap trick, really, to keep an eye on the group's youngest. But it worked perfectly. 

“OK!! Sure!” Adrian had chimed enthusiastically when he’d been asked. 

And so that’s where the two ‘heroes’ were left. They were both sitting on Peacemaker's couch. Adrian was in a baggy shirt, to have as little tension over the wound as possible. Adrian was zoned out, barely paying attention as rock music flooded the trailer. Chris on the other hand was making a checklist of things they had to do each time to clean his friend's wound, writing it down on his notepad-which was not a diary. (The both of them were too dumb, and kept forgetting). 

In his daze, Adrian started to doze off. He’d been sleeping a lot recently. Chris, and everyone on the team assumed it was because of his healing factor. It must’ve been rather draining on him, forcing him into regular naps at irregular periods. It was a little unsettling, for everyone really, to see Adrian so drowsy and unalike himself. But it was natural, he’d faced a trauma and needed to heal. 

Chris sighed, looking over at his friend. It was a little upsetting to see. He huffed, reaching over for Adrian. Adrian had been sleeping on an inflatable mattress stuffed in Chris’ living room. It was by the couch, meaning Chris would alway sigh and heave him up when Adrian fell asleep only inches away from it. 

This time was no different. Chris looped his arms under Adrian, carefully lifting him up and holding him bridal-style. It was a bit of a funny sight. Gently, or as gently as Peacemaker could get, he carried Adrian over to the mattress. Adrian groaned upon being set down. He rolled his head over, “wha…” He mumbled. Chris huffed, “Nothing man, just sleep. You fucking need it.” 

--

“OH MY GOD MY WORK!!!” Adrian screamed. “I’M GONNA GET FIRED!” He cried out. 

It became a whole ordeal, trying to convince Adrian that he was not in fact going to get fired. Economos and Harcourt had worked everything out with his job at fennel fields already. Which was what Chris was trying to tell Adrian, who was spilling a thousand hypotheticals and questions from his mouth. 

“No, Adrian, man stop--” Chris tried. “--Yeah but do you know how easily they fire people? This one girl, Crissy, or maybe Donna, wait no… what was that girl’s name?” Adrian rambled off, cutting off Chris. 

Chris lurched forward and grabbed Adrian by the shoulders. “Dude. Stop.” he ordered. Adrian went silent, but wiggled a little in Chris’ grip. “Um, can you… let me go now?” Adrian asked, before adding, “Cause, you know, you seem a little annoyed right now.” 

Chris dropped his friend and let out a long groan. 

--

Adrian had always had nightmares. But he never really realized they were nightmares. He’d wake up kicking and swinging, only to find the darkness of his room. After that, he’d simply take that as a que to go back to sleep, or go work on something if that failed. 

However, since Goff had taken his mind, he’d have frequent nightmares. 

Often times, they were fragmented memories from Goff, and the people she’d murdered by taking over. Sometimes, like tonight, they would be memories of Goff and the other butterflies. 

Under Goff’s control, he had learned how to understand them-most likely from their linked brains. 

In his dream, Adrian watched as butterfly after butterfly swarmed around him.

“There must be something wrong with your vessel.” One hissed out in a low screech. “You should dump this one, and we’ll dispose of it .” Another butterfly piped up.

Adrian could hear his own voice now, “No, I need this one. It’s perfect for getting closer to the Peacemaker. He may still help us.” he said decidedly. 

It . Adrian always found himself being an IT . He’d never fit in very well, never been like everyone else. And everyone saw it. Everyone judged him and ostericsied him. Well, that’s how it felt anyway. 

“I disagree, Goff. Give him up.” The first butterfly hissed. “Yes, Goff, give him up, and we’ll see what’s wrong with it…” a third butterfly said, stepping closer. 

Suddenly he was surrounded. Butterflies were on every side of him, hidden behind the faces of dead innocents. It made Adrian wonder, compared to his own pain, how much did the other people suffer before they died? 

Then they were charging. They held him down as his body went stiff as a stone. He couldn’t move anymore, had no control just like before. He wanted to scream, maybe even cry at how excruciating it all felt. 

The burning sensation was back, and tight tension had worked its way into his jaw. Not to mention the hundreds of butterflies pinning him down. Their hands felt daggers pressing against his back and wrists. He could feels their thousands of eyes piercing him

“Let him go, Goff. We’ll make sure he can’t heal from this one…”

“Adrian! Adrian! Dude, wake up!!” Shouted Chris, who was shaking the dreaming Adrian. Adrian woke up with a start, kicking and flailing at the hands that held him. He found his voice too, swearing and shouting ‘Get out! Get out!’ and ‘Get off!’. The whole thing perturbed Chris. 

Of course he knew Adrian had suffered. But Adrian had always pulled through every trauma and encounter like it was nothing. It was so surreal to see him kicking and fighting like an anxious, wild animal being cornered. 

Chris realized his mistake of trying to calm his friend by holding him down. Quickly, he released Adrian and took a step back. “STOP!” Chris shouted, hoping to break Adrian from his trance. It worked, gaining the brunette’s attention. “Wha… Chris?” Adrian asked, groggy and anxious. He was disheveled, mops of curls pressed in every direction and a light sheen of sweat across his brow. It made him look much smaller and younger than he really was. It reminded Chris of when they were kids, and Gut would get too rough. 

“Yeah, buddy, it’s me. You were dreaming.” Chris told his friend. Adrian looked embarrassed immediately. “Oh ok. Sorry… Did I wake you up?” Adrian asked, ducking his head. Chris huffed, “No. I was already awake and you were mumbling and kicking.” Chris explained. Adrian nodded, “Oh, alright. Thanks for waking me up!” He cheered, trying to cover the fact he was still a little shaken. However, he was beyond pleased to find Chris waking him up and actually caring about him. They were BFFs after all!

Chris just rolled his eyes, trying to crush the bubbling fondness that rose up. “Yeah, whatever.”

Chapter Text

Adrian knew he needed to heal. He also knew that vengeance and justice wait for no one. 

So, of course, he wasn’t going to let Chris or the team stop him. He wasn’t going to give up his Vigilante gig until he was all healed up. He was certain he’d be fine. 

So, when Chris was out, doing god knows what, Adrian made his escape.

He’d been spending his free time, (Which was all day every day), patching up his suit. It was roughed up and bloody from the fight at the barn, and the gunshot, but Adrian had fixed it up well. 

He donned the suit, and snuck out of the trailer. Adrian had called an uber, so that he wouldn’t need to walk all the way to town. When the uber pulled up, the driver gasped. “Oh jesus! You’re that… that killer aren’t you?” She asked. Though she couldn’t see it, he was grinning. “Oh, no, actually I’m Vigilante, I fight for vengeance and justice. Anyway, can you take me into town?” He asked. 

The woman bit her lip, “I guess so.” Then she paused, “But can I take a selfie with you to prove this actually happened?” She added. Vigilante laughed, “Sure, I’d love to.” he mused, leaning forward for the picture. 

--

The night had started very mild for him, just stalking around looking for crime. It wasn’t very common on a Tuesday night, only a little past eight, but he was looking anyway. 

Before long, he’d found what he was looking for. 

He had stumbled upon a gang of people beating on one man. This looked like a fit job for him. 

Only… it wasn’t. 

Sure, he could take all of them ona  good day. But it wasn’t a good day. 

After he’d started hacking into a few of the members, stabbing them in their shoulders, ankles, and backs, the other members grew aggressive. Of course they would, it was a fight after all. But it turned out to be more than he could handle. 

Adrian’s movements were sloppier and slower due to his wound and exhaustion from healing himself continuously. Before long, several members had pinned him down to the ground. 

Suddenly, he couldn’t move, sharp hands pinning him down and what felt like hundreds of eyes were trained on him. Something in Adrian snapped. Fear and pair pulsed through him, and a dull burn ate at the back of his mind. 

And first he was frozen to the ground, like Goff was still in his mind, punishing him . But, after a moment he’d gained control of his own body again. And that was when things got bloody . 

Adrian was shoved into an adrenaline, survival response. His brain shot into a wild frenzy, kicking and flailing to escape. He swung his fists and kicked his legs out, landing several blows on his attackers. After a moment, he’d managed to grab his machete. And that was when it was all over. 

--

Chris had been mortified to return home, to find no Adrian, and no suit. FUCK . 

He and the team had been driving around town for the past hour, looking for Adrian. Mostly to no avail. However, after a long time, Harcourt had driven past a partially suspicious looking alley way. 

She parked her car, grabbed her gun, and went to investigate. Harcourt moved to the opening of the alley way, stunned by the sudden metallic smell. It had to be blood. 

She dashed down the alley, only to stop dead in her tracks. It was a massacre. 

Adrian was huddled up, knees drawn on his chest, and back pressed to the farthest wall. He was surrounded with body after body in bloody heaps around him. No doubt his doing. 

Still, it didn’t explain why he looked so distraught, even with his mask on. It wasn’t hard to tell from his silence and body language he was feeling all kinds of bad. 

“Adrian?” Harcourt called out. His head snapped up, and from behind his visor he squinted. “ Emilie? ” He mumbled out, clutching at his side. Emilie was hovering above him in a second, carefully extending her hands out. At first, Adrian flinched away, but didn’t stop her when she went for his mask. Carefully Emilie removed the article, freeing his face, and exposing the exhausted, mortified look he was carrying. 

“Oh Jesus, Adrian.” She said, voice remorseful. She looked at him with a face that held sympathy. It was the same face used when she’d picked him up from the police station. “I’ll call Chris, and he’ll come and bring you home, okay?” she asked, figuring Adrian would want Chris more than her. 

Adrian’s eyes blew wide, and he grabbed her wrist… a little too hard. “Oh no, please don’t.” he begged. Emilie stared down at him, surprised. “I won’t. But, why don’t you want Chris?” She asked.

Adrian looked away, staring at a blood splattered wall. “I don’t want him to know I failed.” Adrian said quietly, resting his forehead on his knees. “F… Failed?” Emilie asked. Adrian’s head jerked up and he stared at her, eyes red and glossy, yet no tears.

“I failed! I killed them- all of these random-- and the guy- ugh- he didn’t, I don’t… don’t know why I…” He kept trying and failing and restarting. But failed each time, and eventually just rested his head back on his knees. 

“Chris won’t be mad, Adrian.” Emilie promised. Adrian sighed. “Can you just bring me home?” he asked, and after a beat, “And I mean my home.”

Chapter Text

“Are you sure you don’t want anyone to stay with you?” Emilie asked nervously. Adrian sighed, “Yes. I’d much prefer to not be babysat.” he said, trying to laugh it off. But his voice still lacked its same luster. 

Emilie nodded, “Ok.” Was all she said, handing him his mask. Adrian took it, nodded at her, and left the car. 

He stumbled into his apartment, tired and defeated. He’d killed everyone. Good, bad, it blurred. But it was always blurred. Why only now did that bother him? 

Did it even bother him? 

Or… did his lack of control bother him? Did the innocents cease to exist against the backdrop of his internal struggle? The struggle for control, vene long after he’d been freed. 

Adrian wasn’t an introspection type of person. He’d said so himself. Mainly because he couldn’t always tell he was even feeling an emotion, and because when he did feel it, he could hardly palace what it even was. 

He’d often feel his emotions physically, making it all the harder to decipher them. 

He cursed himself and his brain and his body, and most of all Goff. He was fine before all of this. He was fine before he was turned into a meat puppet-- like a new car a teenage girl was taking out for a spin. 

The tension in his jaw was building. He’d long since placed that emotion as being anxious. He groaned, and rubbed his jaw with the knuckle of his first two fingers. It was a poor attempt to ease the tension, but it still worked a little. 

Adrian deceived a shower and nap were his bst course of action to ease the pressure on his body and mind. 

He stripped from his vigilante outfit. Throwing it in the back of his closet, like it was some shameful item. Then, he grabbed towels, and started the shower. 

The water that ran down his body was boiling hot. He let it cascade down his face and scalp. It was a clear reminder he was real and grounded, even if it burned. 

This was a good kind of burning. A better kind. This kind of burning was his flesh, his outsides, rather than his mind and his brain and his insides. His insides being twisted and torn by Goff. This time, it was his own doing. The flames brought on by him, and no one else. 

When he finished showering, he dressed in sleep wear, and flopped onto his bed. 

Absently, he took his phone and scrolled through his messages. There were loads from everyone on his team. He checked each one, but responded to none. 

His finger hovered over the keyboard however, when he opened his texts with Chris. 

After a moment of thought, he decided not to text Chris. 

Instead, a ling rang, and Adrian held his breath. 

“Hello?” Chris’ voice said through the phone. “Emilie told me she brought you home. What happened?!” Chris asked, voice taught and tense. Adrian sighed into the phone, loud enough Chris could hear.
“Hi.” Was all Adrian said. After a moment, Chris said “Hi.” back, all fire from is voice gone. 

“ What happened man? ” Chris asked. Adrian rolled over onto his stomach while his friend spoke. He kicked his legs back and forth. “You know, the usal , fighting crime.” Adrian mused. Chris huffed, “Why did you go out? Did you even consider the possibility that you weren’t up to it?” Chris grumbled. 

Adrian smiled that his friend was worried about him. At least, he thought he was. Adrian wasn’t always the best at getting other people’s emotions. “I did. But I just ignored all that.” He said, sounding sort of chipper. Though, there was an edge to his voice, half tired and half defeated. 

It didn’t get past Chris. But he chose not to comment. 

“You sound tired.” Chris said after a moment of silence. Adrian blinked. “Do I? How did you know?” He asked, confused. Chirs rolled his eyes, knowing Adrian couldn’t see. “Dude, I can hear it in your voice.” He groaned. 

Adrian’s mouth formed an O shape  as he spoke, “ Ohhh , ok, that makes sense. I think.” He laughed, getting drowsier by the second. 

Though, a part of him was desperate to stay awake. Sleeping was his only reprieve from Goff’s control. He wanted to soak up every second of every hour he spent being free. Besides, he didn’t need a reminder of everything he’d felt while in that state. 

Not to mention how weird it felt to be in his own apartment again. It felt strange to be completely alone again. 

He felt out of place there. Like the whole thing was in black and white and he was in color. Or maybe it was vice versa… Adrian wasn’t sure. 

“Do you want to come back to my house?” Chris asked, voice cutting through the silence like a butcher knife. Adrian’s eyes went wide. Could Chris read his mind now too? He really didn’t like that thought….

“No. Sorry man, but definitely not. It smells so bad like weed in there.” Adrian lied. Sure, he didn’t like weed, but the smell had become comforting. He loved Chris’ house, and everything it symbolized to him. But… he had to be on his own, just for a little while. 

He couldn't stand to feel pinned down again. 

Chris just sighed at the decline. “Fine, fine, just- don’t go back out fighting again, ok?” He asked. Adrian frowned, “ I won’t. My side hurts a bit too much for that.” He laughed. But it wasn’t very funny to either of them. Especially because they both knew he was almost fully healed, and that his wound barely hurt him anymore. 

Chirs exhaled. “Go to sleep, Ade .” he said. Adrian pouted, “Hey, using that name is a low blow!” he protested. “Go to bed. Ade .” Chris grumbled out again, annunciating each syllable. 

“Ahh, fine, fine!” Adrian conceded, before clicking the end call button. 

He let out a long sigh. 

Since when had things felt so…. Hard ?

Chapter Text

Adrian wasn’t one to give up. 

Even when he probably should. 

Of course he was going to get back out there and try to fight again. He was Adrian Chase, the Vigilante, not some coward. 

So, Adrian ignored the pressure in his jaw, and the slight pain in his side as he suited up. He knew if his friends found him, they’d be less than happy. But Adrian needed to get back in the swing of things. He was the Vigilante, and he needed to right his wrongs as Goff’s puppet. 

Adrian moved to the shitty balcony of his apartment, and began to scale down the building, as he’d done a thousand times. His movements were well calculated and practiced. But his fingers fumbled more than usual, and under his mask his teeth ground together. 

There was a heavy weight on his christ and down his spine. It was rough, and uncomfortable. But, Adrian ignored it, again, he wasn’t weak. He wouldn’t let himself be stopped by some emotions he didn’t understand. And he didn’t. 

Adrian went on his way helping out as best he could. Deciding to gear away from large groups of vagrants rather than take on another gang. He didn’t want a repeat of the night prior. He couldn’t afford to lose control again. Adrian just couldn’t. 

He decided on wiping out graffiti artists, shoplifters, and any other petty criminals he could spot on his patrol of the town. He felt a little silly, stalking around like some big-shot while doing nothing partially impressive. But any crime committed needed to be stopped. Adrian was more than happy to be the one to clean the streets. 

After one particularly stubborn graffiti artist, who was willing to fight back, Adrian found himself a bit bloody. He’d always attacked graffiti artists, but he’d never really mauled one before. 

Adrian had always been over the top and brutal, but never this badly. 

It still felt like Goff was in his head with him. Stealing away what little humanity and moral code he had. Turning him back into a personalityless brutal killer. He could still feel her claws and the endless eyes and power that scourged across his brain. 

Adrian decided that he wouldn’t let Goff win, even from beyond the grave. Her ghost wouldn’t haunt his head, keeping him as someone he didn’t want to be. 

But he wasn’t sure how he could stop her. How could he take back his own head? Why didn’t he have control over it in the first palace? ADrian wasn supposed to be free. Wasn’t he? 

Fuck , he wasn’t one for emotions. 

--

“ Adrian ?” Harcourt asked incredulously. Adrian whupped his head around, a slow grin pressing against his cheeks. Dimples pulled and formed with his lazy smile. “Hi Harcourt.” he mused, drunk. Emilia frowned. “Why are you here, at the bar? ” She asked. He grinned harder. “To get drunk- why else?” 

She sighed, sitting down at the bar next to him. “Are you even legal drinking age?” She asked sarcastically, forgetting he couldn’t really catch sarcasm. He raised an eyebrow at her, confused, “Uh, yeah, duh .” he said before laughing. She huffed, “How many drinks have you had anyway?” She questioned. 

Adrian knocked his head back and groaned. “Ugh, what is this, an integration?” He groaned. “I.. I’m not a butterfly anymore. Don’ got anythin’ in my head.” he said, laughing as his words slurred together. His voice sounded thick, and while he laughed, it nearly masked something else. “Don’t joke about that Adrian.” Emilia chided. He nodded fervently, “Ok, ok, I wo-won’t.” he managed. 

She let out a deeper huff than before, and it nearly sounded like a groan. “You know, I came here to get drunk,” she started, “Now, I have to babysit you and bring you home.” 

Adrian frowned. “If you want to get drunk, why don’ you?” He slurred together. “I just said; because I need to take care of you.” Emilia snapped back. 

She reached out for him, only to watch him flinch back. “No… no touching.” He managed after a moment.

Emilia shook her head at her friend. The younger of the two clearly couldn’t stand or walk on his own. She could tell just by the way he wobbled in his seat at the bar. “I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have to hold you up. You’ll fall otherwise.” Emilia told him. It was Adrian’s turn to groan, but he conceded nonetheless. He reached his arms open, like he was about to give or receive a bear hug. She took the opening and looped her arm under his and around his back. 

She helped him up, and carried him out of the bar. He stumbled about and flailed as she guided him to the car. “Careful.” Emilia warned him, as she helped him duck his head into the car. 

When she got into the car, it was dead silent. It was horribly reminiscent of the day at the prison, and even the night before. “ Emilia…. ” Adrian muttered when she buckled in. Emilia turned to look at him, tired and disheveled and drunk. 

“Yeah, Ade ?” She asked, finding herself uncharacteristically soft and vulnerable. She couldn’t help it, like the time in the car when she’d taken a picture. Something about Adrian’s vulnerability made herself cave in and become equally exposed. 

Adrian smiled a little, “You’ve never called me that before.” he said, getting derailed from his original thought. Emilia just smiled and nodded. “What’s wrong?” She asked, drawing him back to his first thought. 

Adrian frowned again, fiddling drunkenly with his fingers. “ Am I in control? ” He asked her, blunt as ever. Emilia was careful in her next movements. She tapped Adrian’s shoulder, getting him to look at her square in the eyes. 

“Adrian Chase, you are in control.” She told him. Adrian nodded, acknowledging what she was saying. It felt real, especially to hear someone else say it. “You know, you may not be Peacemaker but you're not so bad.” he laughed drunkenly. Emilia smiled. 

Until Adrian was rushing to unbuckled and open the door. He flung it open, and hurled into the street. His back arched as he gagged. Emilia cringed, praying he didn’t throw up on the car.

Chapter Text

Adrian found himself, face to face with….himself? 

The mirrored version of himself was identical in every way, except his suit was dirty, face coated in blood, and eyes unnaturally green. 

“ Goff .” Adrian growled, knowing immediately who he was facing off with. 

“Hello there, human.” She said, using his voice. His face. His brain. His body. 

It made Adrian- the real Adrian shudder. 

“How are you here? We killed you. Chris killed you.” Adrian pressed. Goff smiled, “You can’t get rid of me, human. I claimed your mind. It’s still mine.” She hissed out.

“ I’m never leaving. You can’t ever kill me and my cause. ”

~

Adrian woke up swinging. He kicked himself awake, and once he was up, he was punching at the air. 

Once he’d calmed and realized he was no longer dreaming, or in danger, he noticed something. Something stuck to his forehead. It was a yellow sticky note, covered in neat writing. 

He peeled it off of his forehead, and stumbled around for his glasses. He’d been wearing a backup pair since Chris had broken his when he was more or less possessed. 

He grabbed the backup pair from his nightstand and pressed this to his bruised nose. Another thing from their fight. 

Adrian read the sticky note, 

“ Adrian, you got wasted last night and threw up on my car. I brought you home. You’re probably hung over, drink water, don’t be stupid. -Harcourt ”

Adrian smiled. He and Emilia were friends, but they’d been getting closer and closer. Obviously not as close as he and Chris! But it was almost amusing to see Emilia go against her tough act and actually be nice. 

He crawled out of his bed and into his small kitchen. Adrian chugged as much water as he could before downing a few Advil to help with hangover-headache. 

When he’d finished, he tried-and failed, to cook himself breakfast. He ate the roasting toast and burned eggs anyway though, cringing at the horrible texture of them in his mouth. 

He’d always been a bit of a picky eater, getting turned off from foods based on the texture they had and sensory they brought on. 

Still, he wouldn’t complain, mainly because no one was around to hear him whine, or speak. Though, it wasn’t unlike him to talk and chat with himself. 

—

Adrian was lost in a stupor when his phone rang. It snapped him from his mangled thoughts, and drew him back to the present. 

He reached for his phone, picking it up and opening it. It was a call from his boss.

Shit. His job. 

How long had it been since he’d gone to work? 3 weeks now? Something like that…

Adrian had been assured he could go back to work whenever he was ready. Whenever he wanted.

So why exactly was his boss calling him? Energy thrummed under his skin. Had he been fired? 

He answered the phone as tension worked its way into his jaw. He must be anxious, he thought distantly. “Hello?” His boss’ voice asked through the line. “Hi.” Adrian chirped back. 

“Ah, um, Adrian, my favorite worker-“ his boss started. Adrian immediately cut him off, “How am I your favorite? I thought I was a crazy, inconsistent burger maker?” Adrian asked, reciting his boss’ insults. 

Adrian could practically hear the other man gulp. 

“Oh, uh, Um, I was just joking! You know, sarcasm!” The man laughed nervously. 

Adrian groaned into the phone. “You know, everyone keeps using sarcasm without saying they’re using sarcasm. It’s really confusing. You should be more obvious about it next time.” Adrian chided. 

The man nodded furiously, “Oh, of course!” He mumbled, sliding half confused and half afraid. “Listen, I know those friends of yours threatened- I mean, talked to me about not bothering you,” his boss started. “But, if you’re feeling well enough, do you think you could pick up Carl’s shift today? He just stepped out.” 

—

So now, Adrian was shuffling behind the counter. A neutral look had been plastered onto his face as he waited for customers. 

Fennel Fields was always dead around this time. It wasn’t quite the dinner rush yet, leaving the entire place empty and a little eerie. 

However, it wasn’t long before a group of women came in. They looked like a bunch of Karen’s, and Adrian had to bite his tongue from saying it out loud. 

“Hello. Can I take your order?” He asked once he’d pulled up at their table. 

The woman all glared at him and his Fennel Fields outfit. It made him feel a little awkward. He tapped his pen against his notepad a few times, waiting. 

“Well,” the woman started, squinting to read his name tag, “Adrian, I don’t like your tone, but I’ll take a macchiato and a avocado spread toast.” The woman said. 

Adrian blinked. “We uh, sell wings and burgers.” He clarified. The woman scoffed, paused, and blushed-suddenly abashed. “Oh forgive Beth. She never reads the menus.” Said another one of the women.

The woman, apparently named Beth, read over the menu, and didn’t like what she saw. “Excuse me, but do you have anything of quality on this menu?” She snipped.

Adrian leaned over to peek at it, tapped his pen once, twice, onto the notepad and smiled. “Nope.” He answered. 

Beth, suddenly enraged by his response, grabbed her bag and hit him. She managed to hit him clean in his healing stitches, and he howled in pain. “Ow! Fu-CK!!” He wailed. 

“You hit me in my stitches!” He cried out incredulously, offended by the Karen’s attack. 

His stitches burned, oh so reminiscently of the burn Goff caused. Adrian panicked, clawing suddenly at his clothes that pressed into his wounded side. 

The women around him spring into hysterics, horrified at his freak out and their friend’s behavior.

It wasn’t long before Adrian’s boss had caught wind of the mayhem, and quickly sprung into the fray. 

His boss first ushered the woman away, and then tried to stop Adrian. Adrian, who’d gone half feral trying to free himself of his apron and ease the burning. Failing at both. 

His boss clamped his hands down over Adrian’s shoulders. His head whipped up, and he leveled his boss with the most wounded look. A look that quickly shifted into something wild at being touched and held down. 

Adrian freaked, flailing and fighting off the hands that were relentless in trying to hold him. After a drawn out minute of his boss continually trying to hold him down, Adrian scrambled free. 

He stumbled back, falling into a booth and staring wide eyed at his boss. Adrian’s breath was thick and heavy, and he heaved in each one. He was hyperventilating. 

His boss knew he was in deep shit. Whoever Adrian was friends with had threatened him before over the job. They would surely kill him now. But still, his boss knew they could help the traumatized Adrian. 

-

When Leota and Chris showed up, Adrian had calmed considerably. Still, he’d pressed himself as small as he could make himself in the corner of the booth.

Leota approached slowly, and Adrian snapped out, “You know, M’ not an animal, right?” He asked, sounding all too serious. Leota dropped the hands she’d extended and offered a sorry smile. “Right. My bad, didn’t want to upset you.” She explained. 

Adrian nodded slowly, until Chris came into view. “Come on man. I’m driving you home.” He gruffed. Adrian cringed. He’d made such a scene, and he could feel all the eyes on him. Especially with his friends here. 

He just wanted to disappear. To stop the burning and the eyes and the hands and all the sensories that overwhelmed him. 

Chris extended his hand, an offer at an escape. Adrian grabbed it so fast and hard his fingertips tingled.

“Let's go.” Leota nodded.

Chapter Text

Adrian fidgeted in the back of the car. “Man, I hope they won’t fire me.” He mumbled out. Chris turned to look into the backseat, face scrunched. “Why would they fire you, man?” He grumbled. Adrian frowned, “I dunno, ‘cause I just had a meltdown?” he asked, brows furrowing. 

Leota sighed from where she was driving. “No ones going to fire you Adrian. If your boss tries to fire you, we’ll just have Harcourt threaten him again.” She dismissed, trying to sound comforting. Adrian's eyebrows raised. “You threatened my boss?” He asked. “Shit…” Leota cursed under her breath as Chris groaned. 

“Sick!” Adrian cheered. Leota sighed, relieved he wasn’t mad. 

“What even happened back there?” Leota asked. Adrian frowned, “I had a… a panic attack, I guess. That’s what you’d call it right?” He asked, “I never remember the difference between a panic and anxiety attack.” he wondered aloud. Leota gripped the steering wheel a little harder. 

“Panic attack is a sudden surge of fear or anxiety. Anxiety attack is a slow build of anxiety that peaks all at once.” She explained. Adrian’s mouth fell open in an O shape. 

“Why did you have a panic attack, man?” Chris asked, hands clenched into fists in his lap. They were out of Adrian’s eyesight, but Leota saw them. She could tell he was worried for Adrian. Even if he might not admit it. 

Adrian swallowed thickly, and laughed. He felt embarrassed, the anxious tension curled in his jaw again. “Some lady hit me in my stitches and it started burning.” he admitted after a pause. He tried to keep the same energy in his voice, but it was lacking. Both Leota and Chris noticed. Both said nothing about it. 

“God damn, someone hit you in the stitches?” Leota asked, sounding offended. “Yup!” Adrian chirped back, gaining some life to his voice again. “I was just trying to help her with the menu.” He said, looking upwards and frowned. His head pulsed a little at the effort of trying to remember things. (It was a problem he’d been facing- and ignoring recently). 

“Well she’s been banned from the store. I’m sorry you had to deal with her anyway though.” Leota said, looking back at Adrian. He smiled, “Aw, thank you.” He chimed. Leota sighed, and parked her car. “You’ll call us if something like that happens again, right? You got your new phone set up didn’t you?” Leota asked. Adrian nodded, and hummed out a yes to her questions. 

Adrian went to open the door, only to watch the lock fling down. “Adrian, I’m serious. You’ll come to us for help won’t you?” She asked. Adrian frowned a little. “We’re friends, remember. That’s what friends do.” Leota added. Chris nodded with a grunt of approval. Adrian blinked slowly, “Yeah, I’ll tell you. Can I please go now?” He asked, twisting in his seat. He didn’t like the idea of being confined. 

It seemed the others caught his drift, and unlocked the door. Adrian scrambled out a little too quickly. “Thank you for driving me home.” Adrian said, flashing a dimpled smile. 

Chris sighed, “G’night Adrian.” he said before Adrian could scamper away. Adrian smiled wider. “Goodnight, Adrian.” Leota added, smiling now too. Adrian could tell, despite their smiles there was another emotion. But… he wasn’t sure what it was? Concern, sadness, disgust, unease?  He bit his lip, a little tense. “Goodnight.” he said, smiling again. 

Concern . It had to be concern, based on the way Leota’s brows curved and Chris’ jaw muscles tensed. 

Oh . they were concerned. 

He smiled a little wider. “Thank you, for coming and getting me.” he cheered, before waving exaggeratedly. Leota waved and Chris rolled his eyes, before Adrian walked off. 

-

When Adrian got into his apartment he immediately started to fall apart. He stripped from his work clothes, and changed into soft clothes. It seemed fine. 

Until he sprawled out on his bed, alone in the dark. 

He was alone. He really was. But… he swore he could still feel someone else with him. Swore he could still feel HER . It felt like fire under his skin, pressure in his teeth, and pain under his fingernails. 

Adrian swallowed thickly, tugging a little on his curled locks. They became tousled and messed as he pulled, trying to ground himself. Trying to prove there was nothing in his head. 

He’d tear it open just to prove it if he had to. 

That thought made him a little sick, and he removed his hands from his hair. Adrian slammed the heels of his palms into his eyes. He wasn’t a little kid. He wasn’t some random person who couldn’t handle these kinds of things. 

He was Adrian Chase, the Vigilante. He’d been tortured, and fought so many butterflies and other people. He’d been on dangerous mission after dangerous mission. Hell, he even blew himself up! 

Why couldn’t he handle this? He genuinely had no idea. Adrian didn’t have a good grasp on himself or his emotions. Everyone always talked about it too; how he had no emotions, how he was crazy. 

But he wasn’t, he had emotions… they were just… different. Hard to pin down. That’s all. 

That’s why he didn’t like self reflection. Because when he looked in the mirror, he couldn’t see anything. He could just feel everything instead. 

It was hard. Especially now. Where he felt constantly pinned down. Like his brain wasn’t his own. Adrian groaned, what an ungodly bad day. Why couldn’t he just hold it together at work? 

He could still feel the eyes of everyone there. The woman, customers, workers. It was awful. 

Adrian could feel himself cracking, growing closer and closer to a spiral. The world around him twisted. It felt less and less real, until only the burn of stitches and the thick feeling in his head remained. 

Adrian knew he was dissociating. He could tell by the way his body wasn’t his, and the world twisted blurry, like he wasn’t wearing glasses. But he didn’t do anything to ground himself. 

If it was his only escape from Goff in his mind, so be it. 

Chapter Text

Adrian must’ve disassociated for long that he’d fallen asleep. Waking up hours later around 1:00 AM. He groaned, rolling over, and rubbing the bridge of his nose. His glasses had been squashed down into face from where he’d fallen asleep, which hurt worse from the cut above his nose. In truth, he was still a little sore Chris had broken his phone and glasses, but he figured if it was in the name of peace, it was fine. 

Adrian shifted in his bed. He stretched, regaining feeling in his limbs. It hurt to feel them again, to feel everything again. THe weight of his emotions made him feel like a rock sinking in the pond of his bed. His jaw was taught and tight, and his head ached. Ached with a dull burn oh so reminiscent of Goff. 

Adrian wished he could let go of everything again. But he figured that wasn’t all too healthy. Instead, he just pulled himself from his bed. 

Adrian moved from his small bedroom to his small kitchen. He tried to scrounge up some food that would sit well with him. Or anything at all that would sit well with him. 

-

After almost an hour of wandering around his apartment aimlessly, Adrian picked up his phone. 

He remembered what his friends had told him earlier. He could call on them if he needed them. Not being one for introspection, nor impulse control, picked up his phone and clicked the call button. 

“Hello..?” Adrian asked tentatively. Another voice crackled through the phone. “Adrian?? What happened, it’s nearly two in the morning.” Leota hissed through the phone. 

“Good morning.” Adrian said. He could hear Leota shift and chuckle a little. He liked making her laugh. He liked making all of them laugh. Hearing her chuckle eased the tension in his jaw. “Good morning, I guess.” she muttered. 

“What’s wrong, Adrian? Why’d you call me?” Leota asked. Adrian sighed, toying with the hem of his shirt. “I don’t know.” He said very matter of factly. 

Leota sighed, “What?” she asked, confused. “I don’t… I can’t understand my emotions. I feel like a bunch of squiggly lines.” Adrian replied, luster not failing in his voice. 

This gave Leota pause. Of course. All this time she’d been trying to understand Adrian, when he didn’t even understand himself. It made sense. Finally. 

It hurt Leota’s heart however. She couldn’t even fathom how Adrian must be feeling after all the traumas he’d suffered with no idea how to deal with them. 

“Can you help? You said you’d try.” Adrian pointed out, gesturing with his hands though she couldn’t see it. “Of course, I’ll try.” Leota told him. Adrian grinned. “Thank you. Really, because I have no idea what it means to feel like squiggly lines.” 

Leota laughed a little. “Can you tell me more about what you feel like?” She asked. Adrian paused. He wasn’t entirely sure. But, he had to try if he wanted answers. 

“Oh, I feel like, a bag of bones. But like, really heavy bones. So like Chris' bones. He looks heavy.” Adrian said, “Actually he is heavy. I tried to pick him up once and-” he said, starting to get distracted. “Adrian.” Leota said, reminding him of what they were actually talking about. 

“Oh, right.” Adrian said. Leota was sure he’d much rather forget about what he was feeling. But she knew he’d never feel better if he kept blowing it off. “So- you feel like squiggly lines, and really heavy?” Leota asked. Well, that was hardly helpful. “Mhm.” Adrian hummed, it felt like he was reciting his food order to her. That made him smile, just a little. 

“Anything else that you feel?” Adrian could hear Loeta say through the phone. He pulled it from  his ear, set it on his bed, and put it on speaker. It was easier that way. “There's a painful tension in my jaw. But I already know what that is.” Adrian said, sounding so self assured. 

Leota paused, “What is it?” she asked. This made Adrian pause too. He’d never told anyone about his emotions, or what their more physcia;l aspects meant. It was strange, and felt oddly revealing. 

He’d never minded giving up control too much before, always willing to follow Chris and his lead. But now, after Goff, the very idea shook him and burned his core. And god did he hate burning… The cracking of electricity, the blaze of his brain. Any kind of it was not welcome. 

“ It means I’m anxious. ” Adrian conceded, exposing himself to Leota. If he wanted to understand himself, he had to be clear and honest. Like he always was. No big deal. Right ? 

He could feel himself cracking under the silence. Under the pressure. Under the exposure. 

He waited anxiously, tension building, for Loeta to reply. 

“Ok.” Was all she said. Adrian breathed, although, felt a little confused by her lack of response. “How often do you feel that?” Leota asked, gentle. Adrian was a little ticked by her tone. He wasn't fragile, easily broken. ( Except he was. He was now. And he had to face that because--) 

--He could feel himself cracking. 

Like an egg. Like humpty fucking dumpty. 

“No one could put him back together again…” Adrian recited quietly. 

Leota stopped her train of thought. “What? Did you just recite humpty dumpty? ” She asked, confused. WHen ADrian didn’t respond, her confusion grew. “Adrian?” then, “... Ade ?” 

Her confusion mounted to subtle panic as the line went dead, beeping in her ear. 

Adrian felt juvenile. Was he really a fucking kids nursey rhyme ? Reduced to nothing by a fucking alien bug?
It all hurt and stung and confused him too much. 

He opted to ignore it all. Ignore the feelings, ignore Leotas texts and eventual calls. Ignore the burning of his mind and the ache in his head, and the way his staunch churned into sickness. Like a void opening up to swallow him whole. 

Instead, he crawled under the covers, and went to sleep.

Chapter Text

Adrian found himself lost in a daze. As he had been most days since Goff. He’d been lost to that same fog. As if it had never fully cleared, even after Goff’s prying claws had long sense left. 

He gagged on darkness. Inky and thick. It drowned him, followed him, and swallowed him whole. 

Lost in the fog and inexplicable maze of his mind, Adrian drifted. Drifted and lost time. Lost his mind and body to it all. 

When he woke up, he was sprawled out on the floor by his front door. He’d never slept walked before. “ Sick .” He muttered, as he’d always wanted to when he was younger. 

At the recollection of the memory, his mind grew sticky. Like sap or hot honey, dripping and sticking together. It was hard to pull himself from the dull forms of his childhood memories. 

It made Adrian undeniably uncomfortable. He could swear at times—not that he’d admit to it—that it was hard to tell what was real and what he’d dreamt up or remembered. 

Goff had confused it all. Pushed him so deep down to stop his consciousness from taking control. She’d blurred the lines, and now Adrian couldn’t fathom how to bring them back together. How to make them clear again. 

Adrian sighed, feeling drained. He wracked his brain for something to cheer himself up with. 

What better than what he always loved doing? 

—

Adrian found himself unable to focus his entire patrol as Vigilante. Unsurprisingly, his mind felt thick and muddy from earlier. 

The distinctive feelings was unsettling to say the least, and Vigilante simply prayed some crime would take place to distract him. 

Only, no crime took place for a long time. That, or he was too out of it to note the tell tale signs of a crime taking place. 

When Adrian finally found a crime- a small gas station getting robbed- he flew into action. 

When he kicked the door open forcefully, the robber looked bewildered. The woman behind the counter, with a shot gun being pointed at her, screamed. 

She took the momentary distraction to drop to the ground, keeping her out of the direct firing line of the gun. 

“Hey! Stop that!” Vigilante sneered. The robber, coming back to his senses, pointed the gun at Vij and fired. He jolted, jumping out of the way. 

Something about the sound of a gunshot, reminded him of being shot himself— the way Goff kept all the pain on him and not herself —it dazed him, just for a moment. 

Vigilante was back in the fight before long, snapping back to life wildly. 

Unsheathing his machete, he surged forward. One, two, three— six shots fired out at Vigilante. Vigilante, who danced and skirted around them. 

The robber grit his teeth and growled, sending out another shot at Vij. 

Vigilante surged forward, running at the man and sending a flying kick into his gut. The man was sent tumbling backward with the force. As he fell, the trigger was pulled twice more. Once hitting a light in the ceiling, sending them into a dull near darkness. The second round gracing Vigilante’s armor. Vij frowned, “Aw man, I just fixed and cleaned this suit!!” He whined openly. 

The woman, still cowering behind the counter whimpered, afraid and highly confused. 

Vigilante surged forward one final time, stabbing his machete down into the man’s throat. There was a wet slicing sound, and the gurgle of blood before he spoke. “Alright miss, you’re safe now!” He cheered. 

Slowly, the woman raised from behind the counter, only to see the body and scream so loud it hurt his head badly. 

Adrian tried his best to shush her, before he gave up entirely and just dashed out from the store. 

He stumbled out onto the street, watching as the woman’s mouth still gaped open in the view from the window. 

Adrian sighed. He just saved her life, the least she could do was not give him a headache. 

Still, he couldn’t complain much, his mind had moved from muck to sharp and alive with adrenaline. 

Adrian would always love the thrill of a fight, and the satisfaction of winning. It was a good kind of adrenaline and a good kind of burn in his muscles-like a fruitful workout. 

Adrian concluded that he wasn’t fragile. He just couldn’t be, not if he could murder a man and walk away with only a single scratch. 

He couldn’t possibly be Humpty Dumpty, because they couldn’t fix him . But Adrian could be fixed . Could put himself back together all by his lonesome, like he planned. Goff may have broken him, but he was fine, really.

Really.

So fine that the burn of his muscles turning from good to bad definitely didn’t make his hands shake. So good that his breathing didn’t quicken at the sound of gunshots. So good that his mind wasn’t getting foggy again. 

Adrian laughed openly into the silence of the night. “I’m getting a hang of that whole sarcasm thing…” he mused to himself, though it was kind of sad. 

Suddenly he was snapped from his spiraling stupor. Headlights of a car flashed over him, and Adrian raised a hand over his visor to block out the light. 

The car’s window rolled down, and a rather angry sounding Emilia stuck her head out. 

“ Adrian ?!” She snapped. Oops…!

Chapter Text

Adrian found himself crammed in the backseat of Emilia’s car. Leota sat shotgun, and Adrian wasn’t shy to whine about switching. He was promptly ignored. 

“Why are you in the car with Harcourt anyway?” Adrian asked, confused. He played with the pockets on his suit as he waited for a response. The two girls looked at each other then sighed. 

“Well, we were gonna go out for a drink to make up for a fight we had a while back.” Emilia huffed out. Adrian raised his eyebrows, “You guys fought? When? I would’ve liked to see that.” He said, then amended, “Not that I like seeing my friends fight. But I bet it still would’ve been fun to watch.” He rambled out. 

The girls both sighed. “I…kept something from her and we fought. It was before Murn died.” Leota said almost somberly. “And no, it wasn’t cool.” Emilia tacked on. 

Adrian frowned, “Oh ok.” He said, before instantly perking back up. 

“Why exactly did you want me to come with you guys anyway?” Adrian asked. Emilia sighed again, gripping the steering wheel a little harder as she drove. “Because you’re still healing…. And I don’t think you shouldn’t go out fighting just yet.” She chided. 

Emilia could still remember the way Adrian had looked the other day. When she’d found him, alone in an alley full of corpses. He’d looked helpless and stuck. He’d looked afraid. 

Adrian nodded, pretending to listen, just for a second. “Ok, well, I’m basically all healed up anyway. Metahuman healing and all that.” Adrian told her. She huffed, whipping her head around to look at him. “No. Your brain is still healing from Goff.” She grit out. 

It was Leota’s turn to take over next. “She’s right Adrian.” She said, recalling their phone call. “Your bullet wound is healed, but there's no telling how your internal organs are.” Leota said with a pause. “Not to mention the trauma you’ve gone through.” Leota said. 

Adrian frowned. “But I don’t feel emotions like everyone else. I hardly feel them at all. Remember what Chris said?” he prompted. Emilia huffed, “Do you listen to everything he says? Even when it’s about you?” She asked. Adrian scoffed, “No. Obviously not. Cause I don’t have a ‘thimble’ sized dick.” 

“Oh my god.” Leota groaned, rolling her eyes. 

“Listen, Adrian.” Leota said. “You do feel emotions. You just feel them differently. Which means you’re not immune to trauma and PTSD.” Leota said. Adrian paused. What…. PTSD? 

“Wait, PTSD? You’re not being serious, right?” Adrian asked, sounding uneven. 

Emilia pulled the car over, wheels squeaking as she sharply turned. The car pulled into the grass on the side of the road. 

The pause of driving made Adrian swallow thickly. 

Emilia sighed. She wasn’t one for being tender, or nice. She wasn’t the emotional one on the team. But Emilia couldn’t deny how fond she’d grown for all of them. Including Adrian. Who’d suffered the worst trauma of the bunch. 

“Yes, Goff hurt you pretty badly Adrian.” Emilia tried to explain. Adrian ducked his head and looked away. He looked uncomfortable. Tired. And though he denied it, it was clear to everyone in the car he knew. 

“You called me the other night, talking about how you were feeling.” Leota started. Adrian tensed, and tried to smile. “Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that. I keep forgetting about things these days.” He said, laughing humorlessly. 

Leota frowned. Emilia looked between them. This conversation was a slippery slope, one that Emilia was going into blind. 

“Does this help clear up some of it? It sounds like you’ve been suffering through a lot of stress, Adrian.” Leota said. Adrian stiffened further, and he wrung his hands together. Adrian was starting to drift, but not in the Goff way. In the Adrian way. 

He could feel his body start to detach from reality, like it’d done so many times before. He tried to rationalize it, it was just his brain trying to protect him from his stress. But that didn”t mean he had to like it. Depersonalization be damned. 

Adrian fought to ground himself as the girl’s continued. “I think… that’s what happened in the alley, Adrian.” Emilia said. Adrian blinked a few times, trying to focus in on her voice. “What alleyway?” Leota cut in. Adrian cringed, “I got jumped, no biggie.” he denied. 

Leota cringed, “Are you kidding me?” She asked, “That’s not a ‘no biggie’ kind of thing, Adrian!” She scolded. 

Adrian cringed, “Don’t be so loud! That lady at the robbery screamed and hurt my head.” he said, it was half a lie.

He felt royally overwhelmed though. He was having sensory overload, which- when mixed with the stress of their conversation was making him lose track of things. Including himself, hence the depersonalization. It was all just a bit much.

Leota and Emilia seemed to catch on the slip of his usual personality. His body language and quirky comments had twisted and tensed. It was unfortunate how poorly Adrian could hide his emotions when they decided to actually come out and play. 

“Are you alright?” Leota asked, sounding a little nervous. Adrian bit his lip. “Just a little overwhelmed. You were probably right about the ‘no vigilante’ thing.” He admitted. Adrian laughed a little, trying not to worry the girls. Said girls didn’t worry less, but did feel more content with the context. 

“Oh, Adrian.” Leota sighed. “We’ll take you home.” she promised, and Adrian nodded, pinching his palm. Desperate to ground himself. 

--

When Adrian stumbled into his apartment, the girls hot on his heels, he could feel herself slipping further. It was frightful how quickly he could lose himself. Lose himself to his own brain, and the one Goff had carved out. 

The back of his head felt sticky and foggy from Goff. The front of his head felt sharp and detached. Panicked. Adrian wished some part of his mind would settle and be calm. That some part of his mind wouldn’t hurt. 

Emilia could see him deep in thought. Adrian was never much for worrying and overthinking. He was impulsive and lively, spilling his thoughts out onto the table. It was unusual to say the least, and made her worry. 

“Adrian, are you alright?” She asked. He knew he was in trouble if Emilia asked. “Oh, yeah, it’s just a… stress response, type thing.” he muttered out. Leota frowned, “What kind of stress response?” 

Adrian didn’t like to talk about this kind of stuff to other people. He used to tell his dad about it, until he divorced his mom. Then he didn’t feel so connected anymore. 

“Uh, do we have to talk about this?” he asked openly, looking through his freezer. “What are you doing?” Emilia asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “Ice cubes.” Adrian replied. Leota spun around to stare at him. “Ice cubes?” She pressed. 

Adrian bit back subtle embarrassment. “It’s uh, a grounding technique.” he admitted, giving up when his ice cube tray was empty. 

He closed the small freezer, turning back around. 

“Can we forget about this?” He asked, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable with all of this sudden exposure. Emilia and Leota shared glances. “Adrian, if you’re experiencing extreme stress, or PTSD, you need to tell someone.” Leota said. “See someone for it.” She recommended. 

Adrina rolled his eyes, “Hey there therapist, A bug crawled up my mouth and into ku brain. What should I do?” He mused, sarcastically. Adrian grinned, “That was sarcasm, by the way.” then, “Right? I did it right, didn’t I?” 

Emilia dropped her head into her hand. “Yes, Adrian, you did it right.” she assured in monotone. She huffed, “He’s right though. It’s not like he can exactly see anyone for all of this.” she agreed. 

Leota frowned, but understood. 

“Fine.” Leota conceded. “But, will you at least let us help you?” She asked, voice tentative. Emilia seemed to be onboard with this, despite saying nothing. The two women looked at Adrian expectantly. 

Adrian frowned, but nodded. “Ok. Fine.” He said before, “But please, please, don’t tell the others.” He begged in his exaggerated voice. “Why not?” Leota asked, gesturing with her hands. 

Adrian cringed. “Because I don’t want to become Humpty Dumpty.”

Chapter Text

Adrian was tired of sleeping, and the longer the days went on, the less he needed to. Every day he was less drowsy, less tired and in need of sleep. His body was healing, and no longer needed as much energy to reach its goal. 

This was only making him feel more restless. With the new energy he’d gained, waiting around the house, trapped with his impossible feelings, he felt awful. He decided it was far better to escape his small apartment and go out. 

Mostly he’d patrol, too tired or mentally unwell to actually fight. All he needed was the illusion. And the space that the night air gave him. 

So, despite everyones’ constant hounding, Adrian went out. 

--

Adrian crawled back into his house after an exceptionally mundane and uneventful patrol. 

He cringed when he saw his phone. There were several texts from Chris, even a miscall. It surprised him to see the sudden jump in devotion Chris had for him. 

It had always been very one sided, mostly thanks to Auggie and Gut. But now, since Adrian’s near death-scare, Chris had been much more attentive. 

Adrian knew he was in for it though. Chris would know he’d been out as Vigilante since he didn’t respond right away-like he always did. 

Adrian picked up his phone and responded to the array of texts. It was surprising to find that the last text was Chris asking Adrian to come over and drink together. 

It gave him pause, really. The last time he tried that, Goff crawled down his throat and took him over. He shuddered at the memory. 

Still, Adrian figured it couldn’t hurt. He undressed from his Vigilante suit, and dressed into casual clothes. When that was done, he called up an uber to take him over. Deja vu. 

--

Adrian smiled when Chris opened the door, two beers held tight in his colossal hands. They always made Adrian a little jealous. While large and a little clumsy at times, it’d always seemed like a cool idea to have such big hands. In his opinion anyway. 

Chris handed Adrian the extra beer bottle. Adrian took it happily, ready to finally get drunk and have a good time with his BFF. 

Adrian moved to the couch, seizing his normal spot. Chris dropped down, shaking the small couch. 

“It’s been a while since we just hung out like this.” Adrian commented happily. Chris nodded, nearly somber. “Last time you were here, you were staying to get better.” Chris added. Adrian laughed, “It was more like babysitting. Not that mind, it’s a nice gesture--a little funny though because I’m not a baby.” Adrian rambled out. 

Chris made a rumbling hum of acknowledgement, not denying or confirming the babysitting comment. Adrian didn’t seem to pick up on the cue, and grinned. 

“Wanna get drunk?” 

--

Neither men were lightweights, and it had taken a while to push them over the edge of tipsy to drunk. When they were finally drunk, they laughed uncontrollably at absolutely nothing. 

Adrian could point at a crumb on the table, or Chris could point at a scratch on the floor- and two would break out into wild laughter. Loud enough to disturb the neighbors. 

Adrian grinned so hard his cheeks hurt, and his dimples pulled deep. Chris liked the look on his friend. It was good to finally see his friend hyper and more chipper again. Even if it was only because he was drunk. 

The buzz Adrian felt distracted him from Goff’s fog. Distracted him from the dull grind in his jaw too. It was nice. Nice to escape the way he’d been feeling recently. The detachment he felt from being drunk helped to pull him away from his prior pains. 

Besides, how could Adrian not have a good time with Chris? Chris, his BFF. Chris, the one who took him home from the hospital and took care of him. Adrian felt he owed Chris more and more everyday. Adrian didn’t mind though. He’d always been devoted to Chris anyway. 

“Last time I tried to come here and get drunk, everything went badly.’ Adrian slurred with a pout. “I’m glad yo’u and me can hang out properly again.” Adrian added, sounding happy. It made Chris’ throat tighten. He could remember his grief, imaging and expecting Adrian to be dead. He remembered wishing so badly that he had his real family with him. 

In his drunken state, Chris surged forward and grabbed Adrian. Adrian yelped, squirming and writhing instantly under Chris. However, after Chris gave him a light squeeze, then loosened his hold a little, Adrian calmed. Chris slammed his head down into the crook of Adrian’s neck. “Are you doin’ facial exercises into my neck?” Adrian asked, confused. 

Chris stiffened. “I’m crying you dick!!” He wailed at Adrian. “Oh…” Adrian said slowly. He raised his hands cautiously. He’d never been good with his or anyone’s emotions. It was his worst trait and worst skill field. 

“There, there.” Adrian said as best he could. “I’m not going anywhere.” Adrian said, suddenly very assured of himself. “I’m in control. Harcourt even said so!” Adrian grinned. 

Chris grunted, and grabbed Adrian by the back of his neck. (The memory of smashing his head down into the car dash passed in his mind). He pressed his head down into Chris’ shoulder. Adrian relaxed into him. 

They were silent for a long time. 

Then Chris broke the silence. 

“Does it ever scare you, man?” Chris asked. Adrian paused. “Yes.” he said, ever the honest one. His voice sounded distant, and Chris pulled him in closer to remind himself he wasn’t far. “Let it out, man. Tell me.” Chris said, and it sounded like an order. 

“Ok.” Adrian said, but his voice wobbled. Chris pulled back some, but kept an arm slung across Adrian’s neck and back.

“I still feel her, y’know?” Adrian slurred out, sounding tried and defeated, and oh so far away. 

“Goff. She clouded my mind. And it’s still not clear. Nothing is clear.” Adrian frowned. Chris squeezed his shoulder. “Anything else?” Chris asked. Adrian swallowed. His eyes watered

Yes . Adrian wanted to say. But he couldn’t bring himself to. 

Adrian said nothing. Chris frowned, knowing that Adrian was holding his tongue. Two tears fell from his left eye. They strolled down his cheek, streaking down his soft skin. 

“That’s ok, Ade .” Chris told his friend. Adrian smiled. “It is?” he asked, voice small. 

“Yes, Ade. Don’t be fucking stupid.” Chris told him firmly. He grabbed Adrain’s neck and pulled their heads together. Their ears and sides of their heads pressed together. 

Chris let a few more tears trail down his face, ignoring the judgemental voice of his father. He did so in favor of listening to Adrian’s uneven breaths, watching to make sure they stayed steady. 

Adrian ducked his head down and closer to Chris. And the both of them cried together, too drunk to care. And too drunk to remember it in the morning.

Chapter Text

Hangovers were something Adrian had always found annoying, but kind of funny. 

Moreover, having a hangover at Chris’ house made things way weirder. 

Waking up the dull scent of weed, and alcohol, as well as Chris’ natural scent made for a strange smell combo. It made Adrian’s head throb a little further. He didn’t mind though. 

Adrian loved to get drunk with Chris. It was always a hoot in Adrian’s mind. He loved the wild, unfiltered and impulsive energy and fun they would have. It was almost as good as the thrill of a kill. Almost. 

Although at this point, it felt far easier to get drunk than it did to go out as Vigilante. 

However, Adrian’s near comforting hangover buzz died on the spot. He shifted from his spot on Chris’ couch, trying to remember what had happened the night before. Only, he’d gotten so drunk he couldn’t remember. 

But the fact that he couldn’t remember made him worry. The back of his head, still foggy and sickly thick and sticky, blazed with the great unknown. It made Adrian’s throat close up. He’d gotten drunk, that was all. It wasn't the lasting effects of Goff. He’d gotten drunk on purpose. He wanted this. He did. He wanted to forget, really…

Really….. 

“Adrian?” Chris groaned from somewhere on the bed. It made Adrian jump out of his skin, a sharp shudder wracking down his body. Adrian mumbled something back, trying, and relatively failing to get his voice to work. 

Chris, currently too hungover to notice anything off, just took it as a reply. 

Adrian huffed, trying to ground himself. He tried not to think about how Goff had carved out his brain like a pumpkin. Had tossed away the memories he wanted and should have seen. It was rough, rougher than Adrian ever imagined. Even small things like getting drunk or hungover would send him spiraling into the tar pit of unnamed emotions. 

Adrian wracked his brain about the night before. Desperate to find a way to remember the night before. Because if the night before could come back, maybe everything Goff hid would too. 

For now, though, Adrian was just desperate for the night prior. 

( Fuck getting drunk, he was never drinking again ).

Adrian couldn’t take it anymore. Trapped in the small void of chris’ trailer. It had never changed. Ever. It was like a void in time. 

Adrian jumped up from the couch. He needed to escape the void and go back to the real world. The real air. Anything to escape the feeling of being pinned down. To escape the grinding depersonalization that pulled on his body and mind. 

Adrina scrambled for the front door, surprising Chris. Adrian didn’t hear Chris as he called for him. Electing to focus on escaping. 

Escape. Escape. Escape. Escape. Escape. Escape. Escape. Escape. Escape. Escape. Escape. 

Adrian’s feet pounded against gritty earth. His back arched, and he heaved forward. Adrian spilled the contents of his stomach into the grass just off the dirt path around Chris’ trailer. 

In an instant-- or maybe a very long while, Adrian couldn’t tell, Chris appeared. 

He pressed a big hand to Adrian’s shoulder. The fleeting thought of support passed and went in Adrian's head. He felt too far away to properly register the support Chris naturally supplied for him. 

After a long moment of disgusting heaving, Adrian was done. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and cringed at how disgusting that really was. “I know dude. Go inside and wash your hands.” Chris grumbled out. 

Oh. So he was talking out loud now? Great. 

Adrian shuffled shittily back into the trailer. He fell over into the sink, resting his weight on the basin. Chris chided from the hall. Something about breaking the proclin with his weight, but Adrian felt too far away to catch all of it. 

The water on his hands was cold at first, before steadily getting hotter and hotter. The water was steaming, still falling down onto his pale palms. It burned his skin, leaving red blotchy spots in its wake. Still, Adrian didn’t pull his hands back. Didn’t pull them back till he’d grounded himself enough to properly wash them. This time under frigid water. 

Chris watched him all the while. Cautious and silent. Unsure of what to do or say to ease Adrian’s obvious distress. 

“Are you alright man?” Chris asked after a tense moment. Adrian laughed a little. “Yeah, I’m just a little skewed. Like a ducth angle.” He laughed. Chris shook his head. He really didn;’t understand Adrian sometimes. “Ok, sure, man.” He muttered in response. 

“Feeling better now?” Chris asked after Adrian sat back down on the couch. Adrian just blinked. “ Um . Maybe?” He asked. Chris furrowed his brows. “I dunno man! Why are you asking me?! It’s your body, man.” Chris snapped back. 

Adrian pulled his body back some. “Jeez dude. Well I don't always know.” Adrian complained. “Do I look alright?” Adrian asked. 

Chris took supply of his friend. Pale and sickly looking, with slightly prominent eye bags, and a slouched posture unlike his normal self. 

“Nope.” Chris said dryly. Adrian pouted, “Aw man!” He whined. He didn’t know what to do with himself when he wasn’t well. Half because he couldn’t always tell when he was unwell, and would power through until he collapsed or had a meltdown. 

“Stop man. Don’t overextend yourself.” Chris said, as if reading his mind. Adrian nodded slowly. 

“Why’d you puke? From last night?” Chris asked. Adrian shifted. Last night. (again and again and again evading his mind). “Do you remember last night?” Adrian asked. 

Chris blinked. Nope. Nothing unusual there. “Nah.” he said simply. Adrian frowned. He wanted that time back so badly. It gnawed at him, like a forgotten thought. 

“Do you think…” Adrian trailed. “Nevermind.” he chirped. Chris frowned, curious. 

“No. What?” Chris barked out. Adrian frowned a little, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. 

“ When Goff was in me, she’d mix up my memories and stuff. ” Adrian mumbled out. “ She’d take control of me. Sometimes I still feel like things I’m doing aren’t me .” 

Chris blinked. Not what he expected. 

“ Ok . What makes you think that?” Chris asked, ready to poke holes in his friend’s wild theory. 

“I keep forgetting things. Mixing up dates.” Adrian mumbled out. Chris frowned, that was very unlike Adrian. He’d mix up dates and times, sure, but he had a good memory. Too good at times. 

“And I’ll find myself doing random things. OH ! And sleep walking.” Adrian added. 

Chris frowned. “So everything Goff made you do and not have, is still happening?” Chris asked. Adrian nodded, humming out a confirmation. Chris frowned, not sure how to convince Adrian he was alright when it hardly seemed like it. 

That’s when something from the night prior spilled back. It rejoined all of Chris’ other drunken memories. 

“Remember what Harcourt said? About you being in control?” he gruffed. Adrian’s eyes bare into Chris’s forehead. “Yes.” 

“Well she’s right. Goff is gone. It’s just you .” Chris said firmly. “You’re in control. Fucking dipshit .”

Chapter Text

Adrian woke up outside. Outside, in the woods behind his apartment complex. Immediately, his mind began racing to the horrible possibility of his sleepwalking- and to Goff somehow still controlling him. 

His jaw hurt, burned even. Which only served to spur him on further. 

Adrian’s anxiety reached a revolting crescendo when he lurched over and dry heaved for a few moments. 

When it was over, Adrian dragged himself, tired, anxious, and sore, back to his apartment. 

He crumbled onto the bed, curling into a tight ball. Adrian pressed his head into the sheets, and rocked back and forth in an attempt to soothe himself. He kept rocking and rocking until his hands and legs stopped shaking, and his breath evened out some. 

But it still wasn’t enough. His breathing was still a little rough, and the undeniable course of anxiety plunged into his cut like a bottomless sea. 

Adrian’s hand quivered as it wrapped around his phone. He needed to call someone. Someone who would know what to do. 

Adrian clicked the call button and waited. 

But a sharp ringing in his ears blocked out the dial tone. It blocked out the voice of Leota as it shot through the line. It missed her worried tone, and insistent words. 

--

When Adrian woke up again, he was much, much further from home. 

However, he was lucky enough to find his phone still plastered tight in his hand. His grip on it was bruising his palm, and indents from the volume and power buttons pressed into his skin. 

Where the fuck was he!?

Adrian began to panic, chest seizing and breath hitching as it was cut from his lungs. 

WHERE WAS HE?!

Adrian fell to the ground, dirt and grass pushing into his sweatpants. He pressed his forehead flat to the earth and closed his eyes. He worked very hard to even out his breathing, electing to ignore the full body shaking and chills he was facing. 

When it was all over, Adrian pulled himself into a sitting position. He held out his phone, and squinted- as he’d left his glasses at home- and clicked call on the last number. 

“H…Hello?” Adrian croaked out, voice ragged. A few tears slipped down his cheek. He wiped them away harshly. He wasn’t a baby, coward, or broken. He was fine… just a little lost. That’s all. 

“Adrian? Oh my god, thank god.” Leota huffed out in relief. “Wha, what?” Adrian asked. “Why are you thanking god?” He questioned. Leota frowned from her end. “Jesus Adrian, what happened??” Harcourt’s voice cut through. 

“ Emilia ?” Adrian asked, confusion mounting. It didn’t do much to help his situation. 

“Adrian, can you tell us where you are?” Emilia asked, words going slow and steady. 

“I’m…” Adrian started, looking around. He was in the middle of a hilly field. It looked so horribly familiar, and his head started to pound. The recollection of the place hit him, and he was overtaken with the same burning. 

“Oh my god!” Adrian shrieked. “I need to go. Bye guys.” He rushed out before clicking the end button. As he did so, a chorus of ‘NO’s!’ rung out. Adrian ignored them, or, more likely didn’t even hear them. 

There was a dull buzz under his skin. It spurred him on to move, to look. Surrounding him in the grass were the little pods that the butterflies had come out of. They were dirty, and a little weathered due to the time that had passed with them out in the open. 

“Jesus christ.” Adrian cursed, unhappy with his realizations. He’d come here with Goff. 

Now he was here by himself. 

Somehow, she was still controlling him. His nightmare was right; he couldn’t kill her cause. It was drilled into him. 

It was him. 

--

Adrian knew it was sometimes illegal, and often dangerous to hitchhike. But he didn’t care. He’d figure out some way to make up for it later. For now, he was riding in the passenger seat of a truck. The driver was smoking, and laughing his ass off at some… interesting stories. 

Adrian just zoned them out. Pretending the man wasn’t there and wasn't;’t talking to him. Adrian just told himself he wasn’t really there, until he wasn’t anymore. He’d dissociated the entire ride, until a harsh boot kicked into his side. 

Adrian hissed as he tumbled from the passenger seat and onto the ground. “What the fuck?!” Adrian snapped, looking up at the man from the side of the road. 

“Hey man, I told you to get out and you wouldn’t move!” The driver called. Adrian went to reply, scrunching up his nose in distaste. But he didn’t get a chance before the driver shouted, “See ya’ chum!” and sped off. 

Adrian sat up, rubbing his side from where he’d been kicked. “Asshole.” Adrian grumbled with a frown. 

He scooted himself back a little ways from the side of the road, so he was sat in the grass. He pulled out his phone to check the time, and where he was on the map. Adrian found that he was just a little ways outside of town. It would only be a 20 minute walk back to his apartments. 

He swallowed thickly. He couldn’t fathom how he’d gotten himself to those fields in the first place. Much less why. 

Even though he wasn’t far from home, Adrian was exhausted. He couldn’t bring himself to get up or even stand, much less walk home. The thought of asking his friends for help crossed his mind. But it was crushed under the weight of his emotional exhaustion and self doubt. He knew he didn’t have the energy to pretend like everything was fine and peachy, and just ask for a ride. 

So instead, Adrian just hunkered down in the grass. He decided waiting for another car, or even just till he had the energy to walk back was the best idea. So he did. 

Until, a van pulled up in front of him. The back shoot swung up and open, and Chris jumped out. Adrian blinked, wiping his blurry, glassy eyes to get a better look. 

Chris walked over to Adrian, who was sitting in the grass, and grabbed him without warning. Adrian yelped, instantly squirming in the firm hold. He found it highly distasteful that he was, once again, thrown over Chris’ shoulder like he was nothing. 

“Hey!! Stop it!” Adrian protested, squirming and hitting Chris. Chris just ignored him, walking over to the van and stepping inside. 

A worried looking Leota walked to the back of the van and pulled the hatch down. Adrian watched it closed before he was transfixed with her face again.

He was bad at judging emotions. But, based on the face Leota was making, and the way her lips and eyebrows curled, she was not happy. 

And when Adrian looked around at everyone else, he found that they were not happy either. 

He swallowed thickly, with a renewed urge to escape. Adrian kicked and flailed in Chris’ arms, who still wouldn’t put him down. “Come on, man, put me down.” Adrian whined, drawing out the syllables. 

“Chris.” Harcourt said, leveling him with a look. Chris huffed, and set his friend down. Adrian, looked around at everyone in the van. He even made eye contact through the mirror with Economos, who was driving. 

“Adrian. Where have you been?” Emilia asked, voice sounding harsh. Adrian tensed. He felt exposed under their combined eyes. It was all too much for him. 

The memories. The burning. Their eyes. His emotions. 

Too much, too much, too much. Rung out in his head, over and over. 

Adrian said nothing. Nothing to anyone. Even as he began to shake, legs and hands and arms quivering. 

“Adrian?” Leota asked, reaching her hand out. The second it was placed onto his shoulder, he jerked back. The touch was agonizing. 

“ Shut up. And don’t touch me.” Was all Adrian said. 

Chapter Text

All Adrian Chase knew was that he had to get away. 

He didn’t care that he was surrounded by his best friends. He didn’t care that they were trying to help him. 

God, he didn’t care about anything. 

He could hardly bring himself to worry about their whispering in the room next door. Or what they were planning to do about him, and his clearly dangerous sleepwalking habits. 

Adrian was under severe sensory overload. Everything was far too much. Everything was excruciatingly long and painful. It felt like everything was out to get him. He knew he had to escape. 

The only problem was trying to form a plan to escape within his muddled mind. It was too panicked and wild to formulate anything helpful. 

At first anyway. 

In the other room, however, everyone was very keen on keeping the youngest close. 

Adrian was too out of it to hear them speaking. However, the group was discussing what to do. How on earth were they meant to help him? It wasn’t something he could see a doctor for. 

All the doctors who could help, went down or into hiding after Waller was exposed. (Leota felt so guilty about it, in truth. She’d ruined Adrian’s chance, in her mind). 

“What are we supposed to do?” Economos asked. He tapped his foot anxiously. “No one has ever survived a butterfly before. We have no point of reference!” He added, voice sharp and agitated. It was clear he was worried for Adrian. Everyone was. 

“I don’t know. We could try looking for one of Waller’s doctors?” Emilia suggested. Leota nodded. “I can… ask some of my mom's old friends if they have any contacts left. If they’ll even talk to me.” She mumbled out. 

Chris frowned. “But that takes time. We need a more immediate solution.” He barked out. Emilia nodded, but stayed silent. “He could stay with me again. I’ll stop him from sleepwalking.” Chris offered. “I don’t think he’ll like that.” Leota butt in. Chris made a face. “Why not? He like, idolizes me.” Chris scoffed. 

Emilia cut in next. “No, she’s right. He doesn’t want to disappoint you. But he also wants more space for himself.” 

Chris just scoffed, and crossed his arms. But he didn’t say anything else, clear in the fact he understood--even if he wouldn’t admit it. 

While the group argued and spitballed over what to do next, Adrian had collected his thoughts. He’d grounded enough to formulate an escape plan. The apartment they were in was Johns. Adrian couldn’t use the front door, everyone would see. And he couldn’t use a balcony as there wasn’t one. Worst of all, the apartment was several floors up. Windows were his only- but most difficult option. 

Adrian pulled himself off of John's crappy bed and to the bedroom window. Adrian fought to open it, brain too muddled to realize it was locked at first. It was hard, so hard, to focus on anything. Every sensory blared in Adrian’s ears and tore down his head and throat. 

Adrian could hear an uproar in the other room, and he jumped. His hands shook, and he focused on fixing the shake. Cautiously, he unlocked the window. Adrian didn’t want to make noise while he escaped. 

He grabbed the window frame, and hoisted himself out of it. John's building was older, and had an outdoor fire escape. It was just a little ways from Adrian’s current window. He had to jump across other window stills to get to it. 

Adrian focused himself into his Vigilante mode. He pushed his foggy thoughts away, and pressed his killer instincts up front. He reminded himself of everything he learned and taught himself. 

“Adrian?” He could vaguely hear Leota call. It was now or never. 

Adrian started running, every two steps, he’d jump far. One, two, leap. One, two, leap. Over and over until- the metal clang rumbled out under Adrian’s feet. He had made it to the fire escape. Just in time to look back and see Leota stick her head out of the window. 

She leaned out as far as she could safely, and yelled at him to come back. 

“Adrian! Come back! It’s ok!!” She promised, but Adrian was already so close to freedom. 

Adrian made a face, one that would have been sympathetic if he had been any more lucid. But he wasn’t, and instead it twisted into a smiley grimace. “I… can’t right now.” Adrian offered weakly. 

“I’ll see you later, though.” He added. And then he was gone, running down the fire escape and out of Leota’s limited field of vision. 

Adrian scrambled into his apartment, locking the door and putting a chair in front of it. He didn’t want visitors. Not until he sorted himself out. 

Goff. It was all Goff. 

Everything she had wanted. Everything she had ever thought while inside Adrian’s mind, was still there. And his unconscious mind, which had been conditioned into doing her will, was still stuck. 

It was the only explanation. It made sense after all. Adrian would dream of her thoughts. He’d catch himself doing things she’d wanted or thought about doing. It was the only explanation. 

But how on earth was Adrian supposed to un-condition his mind? 

What if he couldn’t? 

Adrian put his mind to the task of settling his breathing, rather than thinking there was no hope. Maybe, if he couldn’t, he could just do everything she’d wanted. Then, there would be nothing left for him to do unconsciously. 

But how could he possibly do everything Goff had wanted. It would go against his whole code. His whole reason. 

Adrian had never felt so dead. He was so horribly alive, however. Heart beating faster, breathing heavier, hands in constant motion-even if it was just to shake. 

But still, he felt dead. His mind wasn’t thinking. His breath didn’t reach his lungs, and his blood never touched his fingertips. 

Even long after Goff had died, his body was her’s. His body rotted under his clumsy touch. He was nothing. 

Nothing except her dying puppet.

And that burned. She burned him to ash. And even that, even what was left smoldered, and kept hot. 

The thought of such a thing curled into Adrian’s mind. It looped around his throat, and his heart. 

For once, Adrian knew exactly what he was feeling. 

And he burst into a low sob. 

After a moment, Adrian found a clarity of difference. He pressed his palms into his eyes, and dried his tears. “FUCK THAT!” he cheered out, voice rough and somewhat hoarse. 

No matter what, he wouldn’t give into Goff. Not then. Not now. Not fucking ever. 

Chapter Text

Adrian would always grow very impatient and irritable when he was in the midst of sensory overload. Everything and anything would set him off, and even the smallest noises or touches would spur him on worse. 

Adrian decided, once he was certain his door was properly barricaded, that the only way to block everything out was a shower. 

He undressed, turned on the shower, and stepped under the spray. The water burned down his back, and stung against his cheeks. The sensation was fresh, and pulled him away from his muddled feelings. Just like he thought, it helped to block a lot of other things out. 

Adrian must’ve stayed inside the shower for over an hour. When he finally stumbled out, and into bed, it was around 4:00 pm. Early. Still, Adrian planned on going back to sleep, to fully block out the world. 

Of course, he worried about the fact that he might sleep and walk again. But he’d locked himself inside his apartment well enough to ease the worry. 

As Adrian crawled under the sheets, he realized he hadn't eaten all day. The sudden realization made his stomach twist with wild hunger, cramping up in pain. Adrian groaned, curling in on himself in a fetal position. He didn’t have it in him to make or order food.

Instead, he focused on going back to sleep. To sleep off his worry, hunger, and anything else that bothered him. 

--

When Adrian woke up, he was slumped against the floor by his front door. Instantly, his stomach cramped. Adrian let out a low, long groan of pain. 

He lifted himself from the floor, stumbling into the kitchen and taking some advil. He popped some bread into the toaster, and waited. Adrian wasn’t a particularly patient person, especially not when his unmarked emotions were acting up. When his food was done, he scarfed it down, ravenously. 

Adrian realized, rather belatedly, that he never checked his phone. When he pulled it up, it was almost dead. It was always swamped with missed texts and calls from the 11th street kids. There was even a stray text from Sophie. That surprised him. 

Adrian blinked and opened the text thread. Sophie had texted him saying that the others were worried, and that Adrian should talk to them-or anyone--that it’d be better for him. Adrian rolled his eyes. He just needed space. That was all. He’d definitely be fine afterwards. Definitely. 

Adrian slumped down on the floor of his kitchen, staring at the barricade by his door. He knew he should reply to his friends… but he just couldn’t. It felt impossible to manage. To pull himself together enough to do it. 

It was like life had torn him to ribbons with its claws, and dragged him back into the darkness. 

It felt awful. 

--

Adrian had spent the majority of the night staring at his front door, dissociating and losing time. 

When he’d come back from his spirling stupor, there was a loud bang on his front door. 

“Adrian!! I know you’re in there!” Harcourt’s voice said, splitting through the silence. Adrian blinked. “Um. Hi.” Was all he said, shifting nervously. “ Yeah . hi. Get your ass out here!!” She snapped. 

Adrian stood up, and set another chair against the door. “Uh, I’m gonna be totally honest with you right now, you’re being very pushy and I don’t really like that.” He told her. Even through the door he could hear Harcourt huff. “Adrian Chase. Get you ass out here.” was her response. 

Adrian’s nose scrunched up in distaste. “I think I’m good.” he said. He wasn’t too fond of how controlling they seemed. After everything, being controlled by his friends was kinda the last thing on his to-do list. 

( Another dragging wound from life. Were his friends turning on him? Turning into Goff??)

“Adrian, please come out, man.” Leota called. Adrian perked up at her voice, as it was much softer. “Dude, come out, or let us in.” Chris spoke next. 

Adrian shifted again. He was tempted. 

“Why? What do you guys need?” he asked, confused as to their intentions. “We just want to help you figure all of this out, Adrian.” Leota explained. Adrian scoffed, “Well, I can’t figure it out, so how are you?” he asked. 

He frowned when they said nothing. No one knew what to do. 

“Adrian, you need to come to terms with what happened.” Emilia said, slicing the thick tension with a soft voice. “You need to face it. We want to help you do that.” She said firmly. Adrian listened to her smooth voice. It was grounding, and reassuring. The intense longing that he’d always faced, that low and uneven want to be accepted and protected by others--to have real friends, pulled him close to the door. 

His nimble hands moved swiftly. The chairs were pulled away, and the crappy lock on his door slid and clicked. 

Adrian stepped back, just in time, as the door swung open with haste. 

Adrian fidgeted with his fingers, watching as all of his friends piled into his small apartment. 

“Sorry. Normally it’s more clean… but I’ve been off my normal routine.” Adrian said, moving to stand away from them. This distance was noted. Chris frowned. “Dude, you like, never go off your routine. Even when we were kids.” he said. Everyone’s eyes fixed on Adrian. 

“Can you all stop staring at me? It’s creepy .” Adrian commented. “Like a bunch of haunted baby dolls, or a circus of evil clowns, or--” 

“We get the point.” Harcoirt snapped, cutting him off. John let out a low breath. Adrian blinked. “You’re still staring,” he pointed out. Everyone realized, and awkwardly let their eyes scan the apartment instead. 

Leota kept glancing back at Adrian, who was staring intensely at her, as if to shame her for peaking. John, on the other hand, was transfixed by a weird painting on the wall. 

“Dude, what is this?” He asked, pointing up at the weird painting. It was a hideous painting of what looked to be a dog. 

When Chris looked at it, he’s mouth gaped open. “ Dude .” He said, pointing at it. “Why do you still have that??” he questioned. Adrian just shrugged. This only confused everyone else more. 

“What is it?” John asked. “Oh. It’s a painting Peacemaker made for me when we were kids. It was my birthday.” Adrian said with a smile. “I kept it because it was the only gift I got that year! So it’s always been my favorite.” Adrian mused. Everyone looked sorta somber suddenly. 

“Whart?” Adrian asked, confused. John cleared his throat. “Well like, that being your only gift is kinda sad, dude.” he said. Adrian blinked, once, twice. “ Oh . yeah…” he mumbled out. “Well, I had one other gift, but my brother Gut stole it.” Adrian said with a smile. “Dude. That’s like, way worse.” Chris said. Adrian frowned. “Oops.” he laughed it off. 

Harcourt sighed, “Listen Adrian, we didn’t come here to discuss your decor.” She said. This gained everyone's attention, bringing them back to their task. “Why did you run away earlier today?” she asked. 

Adrian huffed. “Well, everything was like-really, really loud and noisy. And it was like someone put me in a washing machine. Oh! Yeah, and my head felt like it was spinning off like a bottle cap.” Adrian explained, confusing everyone. “What??” John asked, utterly dumbfounded. 

“ Oh .” Chris said, realizing. “You were having that… What's it called again? Sensory… overload, right?” he asked. Adrian smiled bright as the sun. “You remembered! You are my BFF!” He grinned. Chris muttered something out, crossing his arms in muted embarrassment. “ Yeah whatever. ” he grit out finally. 

Adrian didn’t stop smiling, even as the other’s frowned at the revelation. 

“Oh, Adrian. Why didn’t you tell us?” Leota asked. Adrian scoffed. “What do you mean? When it gets like that- all crazy and shit, I can’t do anything !” Adrian said, voice almost sounding chipper in his explanation. Leota frowned further. 

“You seemed to be just fine, running across the side of a building.” John commented. “Oh, that! That’s different.” Adrian said with a nod. 

Everyone just paused. “How?!” John asked, exasperated. 

“Ok, enough.” Harcourt interjected. “We came back to help out.” She said firmly. Adrian nodded, enthusiastic.  

“Ok! Uh....How?”

Chapter Text

“Ok, Adrian, just relax.” Leota said unhelpfully. Chris scoffed, and Adrian was tempted to open his eyes. 

“Just picture yourself there again.” Leota said. “Why are we doing this again?” John asked, sounding skeptical. “Shut it. And we’re doing this so Adrian can start facing his experiences.” Leota said. “Which, you would know, if you had been paying attention.” 

Adrian shifted uncomfortably on his couch. He wasn’t sure how keen he was on reliving everything just to “resolve his trauma”. Especially since everyone was working off of google searches and not profession instructions. 

But, they had no other options. Not for the immediate moment. 

“Ok, I’m going to walk you through this.” Leota said, earning a scoff from John. “You mean wikipedia is going to walk you through this.” John clarified. Harcoirt stepped down hard on his foot, causing him to yelp. Adrian shifted again, brows quirking, curious as to what he couldn’t see. 

“Remember to breathe.” Leota said. “Ok, now, go back to the place…. Goff first took control.” 

Adrian remembered it, the way it felt to have her cram down his throat. It hurt like eating hot coals. 

“Ok, now, focus on what it felt like to be under her control.” 

Adrian focused. And god, was that a mistake. 

He remembered the way she had shoved him back into a childhood memory. 

It was the first time Chris and Gut had let him play with them. The sun was pounding down his back, and shimmered against his glasses. He remembered falling over, and scraping his knees. He could still feel the sting of concrete against skin. Gut and Chris had fussed over him all afternoon, helping him clean up the scrapes and such. Adrian had never felt such a strong sense of belonging. 

Adrian’s closed eyes rolled to the back of his head, eyelids fluttering, just for a moment. 

“Uh, Adrian?” Leota asked, worried. 

But Adrain was gone, washing away in the backtrack of his memories. Stuck on repeat. 

And once Adrina was gone, everything Goff left behind, that conditioned part of his mind, sprung forth. Goff had programmed, forced , a part of his mind to work perfectly for her. This hurt part of him took over after Adrian had been sent back to his memories. 

It was working on old suggestions, old commands. 

Adrian’s eyes flipped open, and he stared, lifeless at everyone before him. 

“ Adrian ?” Chris asked, but got no response. Adrian’s body surged to life, acting out on it’s last command. 

Kill the 11th street kids in order to protect the cow. 

Adrian ran full force at Harcourt, slamming into her and sending her to the ground. The wind had been knocked from her, and she gasped wildly, air being knocked from her lungs. Adrian’s hand flung for her neck, most likely in an attempt to choke her. But, he didn’t get the chance, as John threw his shoe at the younger’s head. 

It slammed into Adrian’s head, getting his attention. He leaped off of Emilia, and straight for John. Harcourt jumped up, grabbing Adrian by the hood of his coat. He was jerked backward, choking a little. Adrian’s hand flew backwards, dull nails dug into Emilia’s hand. His nails scraped the back of her hand, and she let go on impulse, freeing him. 

Adrian ran forward again, dashing after Leota and John. They both ran to either side, sending Adrian flinging and crashing into the wall. 

“Quick! Adrian has some rope or zip ties or some shit in his closet!” Chris shouted. John was quick to run into the bedroom, searching for the items. “Why fuck would he have that!?” yelled from the other room. “Hero stuff!” Chris yelled back. 

Adrian used their moment of distraction to run forward again. He pushed himself off of the wall, jumping at Harcourt. She blocked his punches as they flew out in all kinds of disjointed ways. Adrian jerked forward, pushing himself closer as he swung out to kick her. Harcoirt couldn’t block that, and took the slamming foot into her ankle. She yelped and fell down. 

Neutralizing her seemed good enough for him, and he whipped around to attack Leota and Chris. 

“ Hurry up!! ” Leota yelped as Adrian stalked towards them. 

Before he could advance, Adrian's head jerked backwards and he cupped his forehead with both hands. “AHH!!” He screamed, curls bobbing and falling back. His face looked unnaturally pale, and his hands shook where they cupped his head. 

His concus mind was fighting back, trying to claw its way from the depths of his memories. He couldn’t let Goff win. He just couldn’t. 

Chris took Adrian’s moment of weakness to charge forward. John entered the room carrying everything he could find that could possibly tie the ladder up. 

Adrian was flung forward, slamming into the wall and crumpling down to the floor. Adrian groaned and thrashed under Chris’ weight, which pinned him to the floor. His hands flew out and clawed wildly at the wooden floor before him. His nails went ragged from the action. 

Chris noticed, and grabbed both his hands, dragging them and pinning them to Adrian’s chest. 

“Stop it, Ade!!” Chris snapped. “It’s just us! It’s your friends!” He grit out. Adrian’s legs flailed and he continued to fight. Chris continued to weigh him down, keeping him perfectly pinned to the floor. Adrian growled, and hissed, using no words. No sign of his usual humanity. 

“Get over here John!” Chris commanded. John, realizing he was su[posed to be helping, dashed over. He dropped down and began tying up Adrian’s ankles. He zip tied them together, having to hold them in place as Adrian kicked and bucked his legs out. Next, Chris grabbed Adrian’s writs and held them out so they could also be zip tied. 

When it was over, Adrian was tossed over Chris’ shoulder (again). Chris carried him into his bedroom and dropped him roughly onto his bed. Everyone else watched the entire ordeal. 

“So. I guess that was a really bad idea.” Harcourt deadpanned. “Yeah. Maybe don’t use wikipedia again.” John huffed out. Leota threw her hands up and scoffed. “How was I supposed to know it was gonna trigger him?!” she yelled back. 

“Ok, enough !” Chris snapped when he entered the room. All eyes fell on him as he frowned and crossed his arms. “I think whatever Goff did to him is still in there. And we just let it out.” Harcourt said. Everyone nodded in one way or another. 

“Ok. So how do we get Adrian back? ” John asked.

Chapter Text

When Adrian woke up, he groaned, head pounding. 

“Um, guys, I don’t think it worked.” he croaked, not even opening his eyes yet. He opened them as he heard shifting around. He saw Leota sit up from her seat next to him, a small smile gracing her features. “Hi, Ade.” she said. 

Adrian shifted, trying to sit up, only to find he was wrapped tightly-- a little too tightly in blankets. He was completely swaddled, sort of like a baby, or cat wrapped up like a burrito. Not to mention the fact he couldn't even move his wrists and ankles apart. He squirmed in the blanket, trying to pull his limbs apart. 

“Um. I can’t move, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t like that.” Adrian said, shifting to the best of his ability to get a better look at Leota. “Ads?” he asked when she wouldn’t say anything. 

Leota frowned, stepped back a bit. “Listen, Adrian, something happened when you were out.” She explained. Adrian tensed. “Ok. But can you untie me first? This is like… really uncomfortable. Except for the blanket swaddle. Which is weird--but kinda comfy-” Adrian started only to get cut off. 

“Adrian, listen. We had to tie you up because you started attacking us.” Leota cut him off. 

Adrina tensed further and paled. He thrashed from inside the cocoon of blankets, trying to break free. 

“Adrian, it’s not your fault.” Leota said. Adrian’s face twisted. 

“Chris and Emilia said I was in control.” He started, ignoring her. “ They lied! ” He hissed out, clawing his tied hands free of the swaddle. 

“Adrian, stop .” Emilia said, standing in the doorway. Her pant leg was rolled up, and a long bruise was clear on her ankle. Adrian’s mouth fell open. “Did I do that?” he asked, pointing to the mark. 

Emilia sighed and nodded. She waltzed over with a pair of scissors, and took his hands. She snipped the zip tie off of his hands. Next were his feet, which he reluctantly pulled from the blankets. 

“Adrian, what happened, happened.” Emilia said. “ We’ll fix it .” She asserted. Promised . 

Adrian swallowed and nodded. Leota patted his shoulder. “Remember what I said about you being a good man?” she asked. Adrian nodded a little, with a small pout. “You still are. What happened with Goff doesn’t define you.” 

--

“And you’re sure it’s him?” John asked from the other room. “ Yes , it is really him.” Deadpanned Harcourt. Adrian was still in his room, but his apartment complex was shabby, meaning it had intensely thin walls. 

This gave him pause. Was he really that untrustworthy? 

Adrian curled in on himself a little, continuing to eavesdrop on his friends in the other room. He felt like an idiot, curled in a blanket bundle, listening to his friends talk about how they didn’t trust him. But it would be ok. Because Chris would believe him, and the girls said they’d help fix everything. And they wouldn’t lie to him. So surly, he’d be fine. 

Only, things really didn’t feel fine. 

Goff had broken that part of him, and he failed over and over to fix it. Even with his friends' help, he’d still turned into a wild, ramaging thing. 

How was he supposed to carry out being Vigilante if this continued on? 

“What are we going to do? He had to face his trauma somehow.” Leota said. Adrian always liked hearing her voice--not as much as Chris’ of course. But there was something about Ad’s voice mixed with her often soothing words that made Adrian feel that much happier. 

Or, as of late, that much safer .

Adrian lolled his head to the side in the blanket. The longer he stayed awake the more exhausted and numb he felt. His skin tingled and slipped into nothing, just like his emotions. What little emotions he could understand mixed with what he couldn’t, and all of it went completely numb. 

By the time everyone came back into the bedroom to check on him, he was lost in a dissociative stupor. His mind swirled emptily, and his hands snagged weakly in the blankets. 

“ Adrian ?” Leota asked, stepping closer. Adrian said nothing, barley stirring. He stared ahead with half lidded eyes. Leota reached forward, tapping him on the shoulder, from where it produturded from under the blankets.
She paused when he felt kind of hot through his thin shirt. 

Leota frowned, reaching her hand up to lay across his forehead. She jerked it back like she’d been burned. “What? What’s wrong?” Chris snapped instantly. Leota turned around to look at them and sputtered. “He’s burning up. He’s running a fever!” 

All the blankets were swiftly removed from Adrian’s body. This caused him to shiver intensely, and he let out a low groan of discomfort. “Why is he suddenly spiking a fever?” John asked as he rummaged around for a washcloth. “I don’t know. Do you think his body is reacting to what happened?” Harcourt asked, taking the washcloth as it was handed to her. 

She ran it under the sink, before wringing it out. She waltzed over to Adrian and placed it on his forehead. He let out a small whine at the frigid feeling. 

“Do you think his body is fighting against what Goff did? Like an infection?” Leota asked, with a shrug. “Like his healing factor?” she added, motioning with her hands. Chris’ eyes went a little wide. “It would make sense. Goff did a number on his brain.” He said. 

“So that’s it then?” John asked. “Adrian’s body is freaking out because we triggered a part of his brain controlled by Goff?” he asked. “How does that even work??” he spit out. 

“Something like that.” Harcourt said, fussing over Adrian. Adrian was out at this point, succumbing to his ever rampant fever. “Just get over here and get me another washcloth.” She huffed out. 

John did as he was told, pulling out another washcloth. He ran it under cold water, and switched it out for Adrian. 

John frowned when he took in the sight of the team’s youngest. Adrian was sweating bullets, and shifted every few seconds. It was clear he was uncomfortable, and most positions looked painful for him at best. 

John sighed, and stepped away. Harcourt walked back in and began fussing again. Leota leaned in and whispered into John's ear, so Harcourt couldn’t hear. “I’ve never seen her so soft or acting so… familial ?” She laughed out. John nodded. It was almost fighting to see the ever cold Harcourt crumble in her timbers time of need. 

It was sweet to say the least, although everyone was silently upset it was even needed. Adrian’s trauma ran deep- deeper than any of them realized. And it was going to take a lot for him to get better.

Chapter Text

If Harcourt had been on top of Adrian’s sudden illness, Chris was smothering him. 

While Emilia’s sudden soft mood was noticeable, Chris’ sudden mother-hen was far more. 

He’d snap at the others if they weren’t actively doing something, even if no one could actually actively help Adrian. Chris would shout and chide if anyone walked too slow, or ran the water on the face cloths were too hot or cold. God forbid John make the face towel too cold again, or Adrian shiver a little too strongly when it touched his broiling skin. 

John had the most unimpressed look each time Chris would yell at him to fix it. 

Though, there was something sad in what went unsaid and implied instead. 

Everyone knew Chris just wanted to fix Adrian. Not everything else around him. Chris just wanted Adrain to be okay again. But nothing was working, and he was only getting worse. 

After a long time of Adrian sleeping through all the fussing, he stirred. 

Everyone had mingled about some part of his small apartment. John and Leota in the living room, and Emilia in the kitchen. She’d made a remark about food and burning down Adrian's apartment, insisting she was the only capable one to fix them a meal. 

Everyone had mingled about, except for Chris. Who had pulled up Adrian’s desk chair, and made it his job to watch Adrian for any changes. 

Because of this, Chris noticed right away when Adrian stirred, coming to life slowly. 

“ Chr…. ” Adrian mumbled out, voice low and quiet. “Go back to sleep, Ade.” Chris gruffed, voice stern leaving no room for argument. Even without room, Adrian would still find some way to defy people. 

Adrian forced his heavy eyes open further. “ N’ .. o …” He managed, trying to sit up. Chris took notice of Adrian’s clear defiance, and attempted to get up. Chris jerked up from the chair and strode over to Adrian. 

His hands clamped down onto Adrian’s shoulders and pushed him back down onto the bed. Adrian squirmed as best he could under Chris’ grip, but his body was too heavy. It felt like jelly, while simultaneously weighing billions of pounds. 

Adrian felt like he was sinking deep into his own body. Not particularly finding the feeling or idea of going back under, and therefore losing control, he fought to stay awake.

Adrian kicked his legs out, even as his toros went slack long before Chris’ had even released him. At this point, Chris had sat back down, side eyeing him. “Stop it, Ade. You’re sick.” He chidded. Adrian groaned out in protests, and acknowledgment. 

So that’s why he felt so weird. 

“Chris…!” Adrian whined. Chris shifted so he had a better look of his friend. “Yes?” he asked, voice tight. “I don’t--” Adrian started, only to let out a low groan and roll away from Chris. This made the older of the two worry more. What was happening to Adrian? 

Before Chris could thoroughly lay into him with questions and scolding for trying to get up, Emilia walked in. She carried two bowls of soup. She set one down on the nightstand, and handed the other to Chris. She left, only to return a moment later with a lap desk from the living room. 

“Ok, Adrian, you’re going to need to sit up.” She instructed slowly. Adrian groaned, attempting, then promptly failing to sit up. Emilia sighed, reaching out to lift him, only to have his weight pull on her still healing shoulder. She winced and stepped back. 

“Can you help him Chris? Make sure he doesn't spill it.” She offered before stepping out. 

Emilia went back into the kitchen and started serving the other two and herself. On impulse, she’d grabbed an extra bowl for Murn. She paused when she realized it wasn’t needed. Emilia’s gut twisted painfully, and she put the bowl back. 

Meanwhile, Chris slipped his hands around the back of Adrian’s neck and between his shoulder blades. Adrian let out a wounded noise at the touch, skin feeling far too sensitive, like pin pricks. 

“Sorry.” Chris muttered, sitting Adrian up in a suitable position. 

Adrian’s fingers fumbled to loop around the spoon, and his mouth broke into a deep set frown. His brows creased slowly- so slowly. Chris watched the entire ordeal, and carefully took Adrian’s smaller hand in his own. 

Adrian didn’t like being fed by someone else. It felt weird, and sort of exposing. Like a dream where you’d forget to wear pants to school. 

Still, he was hungry and was too weak to feed himself. Besides, he supposed as long as Peacemaker was feeding him, then he’d deal. 

Chris took small spoonfuls in the howl before lifting them to Adrian’s lips. He took delicate sips, too tired to take much more than that. Chris frowned each time Adrian would sputter or spit up on soup. Even such a small task seemed hard on the youngest. 

However, despite his distaste in being fed, Chris’ company soothed him greatly. He’d been washed away for hours, stuck in spiraling fever dreams and rough thoughts every time he resurfaced to slight consciousness. 

Being with Chris grounded him. Reminded him he was alive and real and in control. Reminded him his friends cared for him, and hadn’t left him for the wolves. Wolves who were Goff, who were pouring down his throat like honey, who were eating away at his brain. 

Adrian shuddered at that last thought, and gripped harder onto Chris’ fingers where they guided his mostly limp hand. Chris noticed, and squeezed Adrian’s hand as some sort of reassurance. Chris hoped, almost desperately, that it helped. It did.

Chapter Text

When Adrian woke up, he was washed away to the noise of it all. 

The lights, sounds, smells, how heavy he felt. It was maddening to be able to do absolutely nothing. 

Adrian moved, or tried to, tried to scramble out of bed. 

After a long time, he managed to pry himself to the edge of the bed, only to fall, slipping from under the slick silk covers. (He’d bought silk sheets for the express reason of the sensory he experienced. Now, he was starting to regret getting something so sleek and, well, slippery). 

The crash sound of him falling woke up Chris and the others who’d all dozed off in Adrian’s living room. 

The first person inside his bedroom was Chris, pushing and shoving to get to the front. Emilia was hot on his trail, coming in to stand and block the doorway next to him. 

In Adria’s groggy mind, he noted how well they fit together. He tried to pretend that thought didn’t make him jealous. 

“Ade, what the fuck?” Chris hissed out. In the darkness, Adrian couldn’t see Chris’ face to properly gauge his emotion. “Wha-what’d I do?” he asked, voice slurring and sounding stupid in his fever. Firm hands grabbed him, and he yelped, squirming and flailing the darkness of his room. The sounds of his feet scuffing the floor pierced the sleep laden silence. 

“Ade. Adrian, stop, it’s me.” Chris grit out, hoisting his friend up. Adrian made a noise of protest, getting dizzy and with skin too sensitive to be touched. 

Not to emotion he was slick with sweat. He felt gross, and wanted to escape everything he was feeling immediately. “M’ wanna a shower.” Adrian whined, as he laid back on the bed. He shuddered. “Real hot.” he tacked on, words sounding thick and useless on his tongue. 

“Not until your fever has gone down more. You’re wayyy too delirious to shower right now, man.” Chris told Adrian, much to his feverish dismay. “Aww.” Adrian pouted. He suddenly shuddered as a wet rag was placed on his forehead by Emilia. 

When had she gone out and gotten him one? 

He was too delirious and still too feverish to notice or put too much together. All he knew was that he felt bad . Just as physically bad as he’d been feeling mentally. Adrian reached up and tapped Chris on the cheek, from where he was hunched over to stare at the younger. “My insides match my outsides.” He said with a weird laugh. 

Chris took his hand, shushing him. He pressed Adrian’s hand to his chest. Chris let his hand linger on the ladder's chest, letting it feel the motions of his breathing. A little labored as it went up and down, but still plenty steady. It eased the pressure in Chris’ chest and the furrow in his brow. 

Emilia stepped back over, Adrian could tell by the sound of her footfalls. “Hi Em.” Adrian mused, smiling up at her through the thick darkness. Emilia was taken aback by the strangely tender nickname. Sure, everything that had happened with the butterflies was traumatic, and brought the team closer, but she was not used to being this vulnerable. 

“Hi, Ade.” she managed after a moment. “Aww.” Leota cooed from the back. Emilia whipped her head around, sonic speed. “ Shut it! ” she chided quickly. Leota raised her hands in defense, though no one could really see them. “Ok, ok, my bad, miss touchy pants.” Then, “Don’t ever, ever , call me that again” Emilia threatened. 

Adrian, too out of it to understand, cocked his head to the side. “What? Em? What should I call you then?” he asked before rambling further. “Lilia? Ia? E ??” He whined out. Emilia laughed a little. “No, not you. You can call me Em.” She assured him, pressing the cloth down onto his forehead a bit more. 

She hated how much of a familiar figure Adrian-- and all of them really, had become. It was unfair, to suddenly be so exposed to what felt like so many people. But at the same time, Emilia was starting to relish in the warmth her teammates brought her. It was a nice break from the cold she’d kept herself in. 

Especially after losing Murn. 

She shook that thought from her head. Emilia refocused on the clearly ailing Adrian. “I’ll go get him some more medicine.” She huffed out, shoving past the others. ( And ignoring the embarrassed flush on her cheeks). 

Chapter Text

The next time Adrian woke up, he was no longer feverish. And while his temperature was ever so slightly elevated still, he was far more lucid. 

Of course, this came with problems. 

Whatever state the group had triggered earlier--the battle hungry command obeying part of him--had woken up instead of the regular Adrian. 

Adrian woke up with a splitting headache, and a dull burn at the back of his head and the base of his neck. 

“Ok, you’re up. Your fever’s gone down.” Leota said with a smile. Adrian simply blinked at her, saying nothing while getting a barring on his surroundings. 

“Adrian?” Leota asked, confused. Only to then scream as he lunged for her. He was wild, like an animal out for the kill as he jumped for her. 

His hand looped around her wrist, and pulled, dragging her closer. His grip was bruising, and Leota suppressed a yelp of pain and surprise.  “Ads? Leota?” John asked from the other room. 

“Uhh! A little help!!” Leota said before emitting another shriek. She ducked just in time as Adrian flew a punch out. “ GUYS !” She shouted, and everyone came running in. 

Adrian saw the immediate increase of people, and jumped back. He rolled off the bed, baring his teeth. Leota scrambled backwards, and rubbed her wirst where it’d been captured. “What happened?!” Chris snapped. 

“How am I supposed to know!? He just woke up and was like-- this !!” Leota said, gesturing anxiously in his direction. 

Unbeknownst to the team, behind the other side of the bed, Adrian was plotting. Adrian leaped forward, running across the bed and jumping. He jumped and landed right on top of Chris. The added weight sent Chris flying to the floor with an exaggerated thudding bang. 

Everyone gasped and stepped back to avoid getting crushed. 

Adrian sent a hard punch for Chris, who jerked his head to the side. The first flung down into the floor, hard. Adrian’s face contorted with muted pain. Before he even got a chance to register the pain fully, however, he was already back at it. 

Adrian released Chris from the near straddling position, and went after John. John shrieked like a little girl, dashing out of the room. Adrian went flying into the door frame, before chasing him into the living room. 

“Don’t let him grab you! He’ll break something!” Chris warned from his spot on the floor. “Gee, thanks !” John snapped back, running around in circles away from Adrian. 

A very brainless, very impatient Adrian. Who was getting sick of the game of chase. (ha, get it)

He jumped the kitchen island and landed in front of John. John stumbled backwards, putting his arms out in a defensive position. 

“ HEY DICKHEAD !” Leota yelled, gaining the ladder’s attention. Adrian’s head snapped in the direction of the voice, and he moved for her. The distraction gave Harcourt ample time to grab Adrian from behind. She snagged him into a headlock, before pinning him to the wall. 

He kicked and flailed, and Harcourt's shoulder flared up in pain. “A little help?! My shoulder’s giving out!” She warned. Chris came up and restrained Adrian against the wall, holding his arms clean against his back. “Jesus…” Leota huffed from the side. “Deja vu.” John added, and Leota nodded. 

“Adrian, listen man, it’s us.” Chris told his friend. “It’s us. Remember?” he pressed. 

Adrian said nothing, and continued to writhe. 

“Remember it’s Leota, your fifth best friend?” He asked, “With the nose ring.” Chris added. Adrian shifted. “And John, with the uh, nicely colored beard.” Chris said. 

“Hey!” John snapped. “ What ?? I said it was nice .” Chris hissed out, pressing harder on Adrian. 

The pressure made Adrian squirm again. 

“And Emilia Harcourt. You called her Em .” Chris said. “Come on man.” he muttered out. Adrian’s  breaths heaved, but slowly began to even. 

“Your friends , Ade. Your team .” Chris said. Your family. 

Adrian ceased fighting. “ Goff’s gone. It’s you . It’s all you.” Chris said. And then he said it again, “It’s all you. You’re in control.” Chris added. He said it over and over, again and again till the words sounded weird and the sentences barely held any form. 

Adrian’s breath evened out, and his muscles un-tensed. He stilled completely in Chris’ strong hold. 

“C-Chris……?” Adrian asked, voice croaking out, piercing the dragging silence. “Chris….?”

Chapter Text

Adrian could feel the fever break. Could feel cold seat pool down him like rain. 

But he could also feel another pair of eyes stab into him. It was like a knife twisted into his back, drawing upwards before slashing down. 

Adrian’s breath hitched at the thought, and he whipped around--suddenly becoming aware of his own body. His own body and how it was standing in a dark, pitch black space.

He looked down, momentarily forgetting the eyes. He saw all black floors. Then, all black walls, and when he tilted his head up, an all black ceiling. 

Adrian shuddered. 

--

As it turned out, the eyes had been his own. Or, he supposed, his own with Goff staring from behind them. The iris was much darker than his own, and the pupil was far too bright and near green. It was vile, in his opinion, to see himself like that. 

Especially when the other version of himself was Goff. Who was, kicking his still ailing ass. 

The world flipped and spiraled around Adrian as Goff beat him. Punch after punch, kick after kick. Each blow landed cleanly onto Adrian’s frail body. Each blow bruising pale skin and breaking fragile bones. And every second passed, the bones would snapback and the bruises would heal. Ready to be hurt and ruined again. 

Adrian was flung back, landing on the deep black floor. Adrian groaned, his back arched in pain as it ached. “Ow… mother fucker!” He whined from his spot on the ground. Goff advanced towards him again, sending a flying kick down onto his ankle. 

His head rolled back, eyes squeezed shut, and teeth grit together in low pain. 

When the foot pulled back from his ankle, it snapped back, perfectly normal again. 

Adrian grit his teeth into a grimace of a smile. “Nice try, but I’m…. I’m still kicking.” Adrian said. Then paused, and amended, “Well, I guess you’re kicking. But Chris said that means I’m still going soo- !” He said before quickly jerking to the side to avoid another hit. 

Adrian’s movement and body felt slow. Too slow . So slow that he wondered if he’d ever be fast again. But this couldn’t be real. It just had to be fake. A black abyss where he was fighting himself? It seemed too absurd to be real. 

After what felt like an eternity of running away and receiving hits from this altered version of himself, Adrian heard something pierce the low silence. 

(Adrian had always hated silence. He’d fill the space with anything he could find. Music, noise, talking, anything). 

At first it sounded like a low ringing. A kind of ringing that made Adrian cringe in pain. Then it grew louder and more put together. The longer it went on, the less it sounded like ringing. 

The longer it went on the more it sounded like a voice. Then a sentence. Then a phrase. 

And Adrian could swear it was Chris, voicer hushed in his ear, “It’s all you. You’re in control.” 

“It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you. You’re in control.” “It’s all you.”

Adrian gasped, then gagged and choked. His head jerked side from side. Every inch of his body, sinsides and mind, burned. 

Chris was right.

It was all Adrian. He was in control. 

It was all him. 

Adrian jerked himself upwards. He lunged for, with lack of a better term, evil version of himself. Goff used Adrians voice and tongue to hiss. The hiss was loud and screaming, and wild. 

Adrian swung a punch. It landed on his doppelganger's cheek, jerking the head to the side all the way. Not only that, but it sent the other version flying. Shooting out and slamming into the darkness of the space. 

The darkness of the space, which was quickly deteriorating. Quickly falling apart. 

Everything was falling apart. 

And each little piece fell straight into Adrian’s hands. 

It was all in his hands now. It was all him. He was in control. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adrian’s eyes fluttered open gently. There was thick pressure on his back and a slight wheeze and unevenness to his breath. 

“C-Chris……?” Adrian asked, voice croaking out. He felt so confused, head muddled and mucky. His eyes stayed trained on the wall of his apartment before him. (Since when was he in his apartment?)  “Chris….?”

Chapter Text

Adrian’s eyes cracked open slowly, and his breath evened out. Chris’ hold on him lessened. “ Adrian ? Ade ? That you?” he asked. Adrian tried to nod, and his cheek slid slowly across the wall. 

Chris let go, stepping back freeing Adrian. Adrian heaved, stumbling back and quickly reaching for Chris. Chris moved for him, and Adrian grabbed his forearm, holding on to keep steady. When Adrian's eyes focused some, he realized the blurred forms of his friends stood before him. 

“ Oh . Hey guys…” Adrian croaked softly. Everyone let out a collective sigh of relief. 

-----

It had been three days since his fever. It had been three days of constant babysitting from one of his team members again. Not that he minded at this point. The company was nice. It spiced up the loneliness of his apartment, and made him feel more real. 

However, on this current rainy day, he almost wished he was alone. 

Adrian could remember when he was little. No one ever wanted to hang out with him, so he’d spend all of his time alone. He loved rainy days the most because it would wash away graffiti, and give him something to fixate on during recess. 

Adrian was never one for breaking rules as a child. However, he remembered sneaking out once into the rain. He spent the entire recess dancing in puddles and letting the cool water pour through his hair. It was the perfect distraction from school. 

Ever since then he had loved rain. And now, he wished he could escape the eyes of his friends like he had when he was little. He wanted to stand out in the rain and let it wash away everything he’d been feeling. Let it wash away Goff, and the broken parts of himself. 

But after his last fever, Leota, his current babysitter , was more than happy to keep him inside. Adria had vaguely mentioned the rain, and going out. To which Leota quickly shut it down. She told him straight away that he’d get another cold and maybe even another fever. 

Not that Adrian minded. And he was quick to voice his thoughts. But that too was shut down by a firm look from his friend. 

So, that left Adrian sneaking out of his window. Again . 

He was getting pretty good at this. 

However, it was difficult when everything was slick with rain. Adrian’s fingers fumbled to gain traction on the wet building side. 

His shoes and clothes quickly became waterlogged, giving him zero traction at all. 

As Adrian neared the bottom, his hands and feet slipped simultaneously. He fell, slamming down onto the muddy ground with his back. Muck splattered up his back and neck, and he cringed. “ Ew… ” He whined to himself. 

His eyes snapped up to the open window, staring at where he could vaguely hear his name being called. Oh man, Leota was gonna kill him. 

He was so caught up with his fall and Leota that he didn’t realize he was under the shower of the clouds at first. When Adrian realized the rain was pelting down on him fully now, he squirmed to sit up. 

He grinned, water sliding around his face and onto his teeth. 

“Fuck yeah…” he muttered to himsefl as he stood up. It was wonderful, really. Adrian couldn’t understand why the rain made him so happy, but it did. He suppressed the urge to squeal a little bit from joy. He hadn’t felt so at ease for a long time. Adrian wished it would rain more. 

He cocked his head up, and let water pour down his jaw and neck. It pounded on his forehead, and slunk through his hair. His clothes were damp and clung tightly to him.

He could feel the rain washing through him. It felt like a deep cleanse. Like his soul was taking a weird, probably not that clean, shower. 

Adrian loved it. 

Everything felt wonderful, and for the first time in weeks-in days, the weight of Goff lightened. She didn’t bore down his throat and weigh on his shoulders. It was just him, himself, and the rain. Adrian stayed with his memories, with his joy, and with himself.

He was alone. And it was glorious. 

----

Everything sucked. 

Leota was scolding Adrian for the third time in the last 15 minutes about running outside. No, about sneaking outside, and scaling a building while it was wet from the rain. Adrian had to fight a grin, that was pretty cool. 

“Adrian, Are you even listening??” Leota asked with a deep huff. Adrian blinked. “ What ?”

Chapter Text

Sorry I haven't really been writing for this story. I've fallen out of the fandom some, and have lost a lot of motivation for this story. I'm a lot better at writing whump than I am writing like recovery... ig? So that's also been a factor that's making writing this a lot harder. It's mainly from falling out of the fandom, but also writing an ending. I'm not fully sure how to cleanly wrap this story up, especially without making it redundant. Thinking I'll only write 1-4 more chapters, not sure how many, and wrap it up that way.

Anyway, I hope you're not mad I haven't written for this in a while. I'll try my best to update soon, and make a clean ending.

Just wanted to say I am SO THANKFUL FOR ALL THE KUDOS, COMMENTS, AND BOOKMARKS. YOU GUYS ARE SO FUCKING SWEET!! ♥♥♥

Chapter Text

Adrian stared ahead at the doctor in front of him. 

The team had managed to find him a doctor who’d previously worked under Waller. He talked through all that Adrian had seen and faced, and looked at it from a far more… experienced point of view. 

“Say that again?” Adrian asked, confused. The doctor smiled politely. “You have PTSD, Adrian. You experienced extreme trauma to the brain,” They explained. Adrian nodded his head, bored. He knew all that already. “I would like to do some scans of your brain.” the doctor finished. Adrian bit his tongue in an attempt not to stick it out. “Really?” Adrian asked. The doctor shared a polite smile. “Yes, I’m afraid. It’ll be helpful for us to get a better grasp of your condition.” the doctor explained. 

Adrian had forgotten the man’s name. So, he let his eyes rove over to the name plack on the desk. Mr- Doctor Jenscon. Adrian shrugged at the weird ass name. Oh well, at least it wasn't his, his name was cool, coool, coooool, co-- “Adrian? Are you listening?” The doctor asked, snapping him from his thoughts. 

“What? Oh, yeah.” Adrian supplied. The doctor sighed, but kept a smile. “That’s it for our session today.”

--

Leota shuffled around Adrian’s kitchen, helping to get out plates. Harcourt moved around her. Graceful movements. 

Harcourt had cooked everyone dinner at Adrian’s house. Leota was adamant about helping her somehow, but Harcourt refused to accept help. So, Leota accepted her role of just getting the dishes. 

“Need any help?” Adrian asked from his spot at the table, beer in hand. “No, I think we’re ok.” Leota called. Adrian took a sip of his drink. “Oh, good. I didn’t want to help.” 

Chris kept making jokes about how women were supposed to be liberated, but clearly weren’t as they’d been in the kitchen all night. It was clear Chris was drunk, but it seemed just out of pocket enough for Chris to say perfectly sober. So, it earned him quite the scolding, and forced him to be the butt of several jokes. 

All of which, Adrian was adamant to work against. Too devoted to Chris, as always. 

The dinner continued on happily. Adrian was taken off guard by how domestic and chill everything felt. He’d bonded with these people at the end of the world, clung to them at the edge of life, and befriended them through trauma. Now, he was surrounded by the same people, eating food, chatting, laughing, and smiling. 

It was perfectly out of place. Perfectly wrong. Adrian loved it. The first kind of change he could stomach fully. 

Life had spun swiftly around Adrian’s eyes. Finally, finally, they began to slow. Began to fall into place and cement. The only thing that still changed was his health. Instead of deteriorating, it grew softer, lighter, better .

Adrian smiled. 

He smiled hard. 

Really hard. 

Life was good. Life around him was good. His life was good. 

Adrian was surrounded by friends. Safe and sound, free from Goff. Free from aches and pains. 

Adrian was happy. Really, and truly.