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Yeonjun was having a terrible day. The worst, if he was being honest. Surely nothing could top this-
Of course, it was at that moment a car decided to pass by, completely drenching him in water. The world was against him, and it took every opportunity to make sure he knew that there was always a way his day could be worse.
First, he gets fired. Then, his girlfriend breaks up with him because she found someone else named Yeonjun who could give her more attention. Third, his feather allergy acted up in the presence of pigeons, even if they were at least several feet away. And now , he was completely soaked because some driver couldn't be more considerate of a pedestrian.
All in all, a terrible day. If memory serves him right, he has not had a day like this in at least the past five years.
Some people might say he was being overdramatic. But Yeonjun , he had a perfect and meticulously planned out life. None of what had happened today had been meticulously planned out.
In fact, seeing a box of pineapples in front of his house was also not planned.
"What…?"
Taehyun coughed, back straight and standing proper. The bastard only did that when his father was in the house. "The order came in earlier under your name, Young Master." Yep, his father was definitely in the house if Taehyun was calling him Young master.
“Under my name.”
“Yes, sir,” Taehyun said, scanning him from head to toe. “Shall I arrange a bath for you…?”
Yeonjun scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous, you’re the butler. Not my personal attendant.” In fact, where was Beomgyu?
Taehyun coughed again. Was the idiot catching a cold? "Beomgyu is on leave right now."
Yeonjun gaped at him. "Without asking me."
"It was urgent, he said."
Yeonjun threw his hands up. And the day got worse! Now he would be stuck with a random attendant his father probably picked out.
He grumbled and just went over to the box of pineapples, ignoring Taehyun's other queries. Upon close inspection, all the pineapples in the box were fake, except for one. He picked it up, weighing it. Light, but not too light. Would fit nicely on his windowsill.
"I'm taking this one."
"But sir-" Too late, Yeonjun was already gone.
.
.
.
He skipped up the stairs with as much cheeriness as he could muster on this dreary day. The pineapple in his hand did not seem like it minded.
What was he thinking? Five seconds with the pineapple, and he had already gone insane.
He was lucky he didn't run into his father, or god forbid, his sister , as he made his way to his room. What he needed right now was a nice, warm bath to stave off whatever unlucky curse had befallen him today.
He glanced down at the pineapple when he finally entered his room. His initial plan had been to eat it, but he didn't want to. Somehow, it felt wrong.
Also, the pineapple was the only decent thing that had happened to him today.
He placed it on his windowsill, ignoring the water dripping from his clothes onto the floor. "I should name you."
The pineapple, of course, didn't answer. Because it was a pineapple. He should have picked one of the fake pineapples, since he was planning on keeping it on his windowsill. But where was the fun in that? Since his day had already been so chaotic, he might as well finish it off with a flourish.
As he was thinking of a name, the door slammed open behind him. Yeonjun jumped, nearly slipping in the puddle that had formed beneath his feet. There were only three people in this entire mansion who would dare open his door like that.
"Hi!" Huening Kai.
"...Kai. What brings you here?"
Huening Kai beamed. Yeonjun didn't know if he liked where this was going. "I'm your personal attendant until Beomgyu returns!"
Yeonjun stared. On one hand, it was nice that the attendant was one of his friends. On the other hand...did Huening Kai even know how to be a personal attendant?
He decided to ask him. "Aren't you the gardener assistant?"
Kai nodded brightly. Why the man decided to go around smiling like that, he had no idea. "Yes! But don't worry, I'll take good care of you."
Yeonjun wasn't a plant. He wasn't sure Kai was going to be able to take good care of him.
○○○
Soobin didn't really know what to feel.
First, some random person had picked him from the shelf he was on and placed him in a box of fake pineapples. Then he gets sent to a fucking mansion, only to be picked out of the box by another random person and put on a windowsill.
Okay.
To be honest, he was mildly overjoyed. Surely, a handsome man like the one whose room he was currently in got love confessions on the daily? Surely there must be someone he loves out there!
Maybe he even loved the attendant who was currently trying to wrestle him into his night clothes. Kai, was it? He couldn't believe he knew the name of his owner's attendant before he knew his owner's name.
Mention his name just once Kai! Come on!
Though, if he was being honest, there didn't seem to be much romantic love between the two in front of him. They did seem to get along very well though.
"I can fucking put on my own clothes, Kai!"
"But an esteemed young master such as yourself should not have to do that!" Okay, so his owner was loaded. Got it. But what was his name?
"Shut the fuck up."
"Who pissed in your tea today?" Soobin blinked. Was that a saying? He had never heard it before.
His owner sighed. "I got fired today."
Soobin saw Kai stare at his owner blankly. "You don't even need the job."
"I-I don't want to rely on my father !"
So, his owner wanted to be independent and earn a living for himself. How noble. Surely that attracted lovers, right?
"...I see." It was pretty apparent even to Soobin that Kai did not, in fact, see. "Is that all?"
"My girlfriend broke up with me." Somehow, his owner didn't seem too disappointed with that. Soobin, on the other hand, was dismayed. That would have been a perfect opportunity to witness a true love's declaration!
"None of this is explaining why you were drenched from head to toe, Yeonjun." Yeonjun . So that was his name.
It was a rather pretty name.
"A car fucking passed by and splashed me."
Kai made a sympathetic noise. "You poor thing. Do you want to eat something? Like," his eyes zeroed in on Soobin, who felt a chill travel down his spine. Or well, where his spine would have been if he wasn't a stupid pineapple, "that pineapple?"
Yeonjun shook his head immediately. "That's my emotional support pineapple."
"Your what."
"Yes. I want to name him."
I have a name. But it wasn't like he could tell them.
"Name. Him. "
"Yes."
"Pineapples don't have names, Yeonjun. Or pronouns."
"Well, this one does. How does Steve sound?"
If Soobin could have sputtered, he would have. Steve? Out of all the names his owner could have chosen, it had to be fucking Steve ?
"...Do what you want." No! Protest against that name goddamnit! Where was Kai's fighting spirit when Soobin needed it the most? He had never felt so utterly betrayed.
Surely Kai would be devastated to know a pineapple felt betrayed by him.
"Steve it is! Now he has a name, and I won't have to call him 'pineapple' any longer."
Soobin still did not like this name. At all. But what could he do. He was still a fucking pineapple.
.
.
.
"I just don't think love is meant for me, you know Steve?"
Soobin wanted to protest so badly. Love had to be meant for Yeonjun. He was his owner! How else would Soobin witness a true love's declaration?
"I mean, she left me for another Yeonjun. That has to be a sign of my failing love life."
Sure, Soobin didn't get why the girlfriend- ex- had to go to another Yeonjun, but didn't that imply she had lingering feelings for his Yeonjun?
Or she just liked the name. Soobin liked the name too.
Yeonjun groaned into his pillow. "Today was the worst. " Soobin couldn't do anything to soothe him, so he just sat there uselessly. It was actually vaguely concerning that his owner was speaking to a pineapple. Did he not have friends? What about Kai? Or that weird butler from earlier??
Good thing Soobin couldn't actually speak right now. Or he might have said all this out loud.
○○○
Yeonjun had grown really fond of his pineapple, Steve.
He'd had him for about 3 weeks now- "how is it not rotting" , Taehyun had said- and he had truly turned into his emotional support pineapple. Steve always listened, and never judged. A true friend, unlike the frauds that were Taehyun and Huening Kai.
And Beomgyu, wherever the fuck he was.
Steve was truly the best thing to ever happen to him, and Yeonjun took him everywhere with him. Now that he was once again unemployed, he had a lot of free time to spend with his pineapple.
"These are carnations," Yeonjun said, holding Steve up to the mentioned flowers. They were a pretty pink colour, just like his mother had liked them. "My mother used to love these. That was before she ran away with the butler at the time."
Steve didn't say anything, not that Yeonjun had expected the pineapple to talk. It would be nice, though…he was sure Steve would only have the nicest things to say.
"You're such an extraordinary pineapple, Steve. The way you're still so fresh is baffling, but it's amazing. It means I get to keep you forever, my little super pineapple."
He thinks the pineapple vibrates in his hands for a second, but that had to be his imagination. Regardless of what Yeonjun wanted, Steve was still not a sentient being, so how could he move at all.
○○○
Soobin was in trouble.
The moment he had heard Yeonjun call him his 'little super pineapple', he knew he was done for. He was pretty sure he had managed to make his feelings about being addressed as such if the look on Yeonjun's face after his reaction had been any indication.
God, how could he have been so stupid to as to fall for his owner?? The very same owner who he needed to fall in love with and confess his undying love to someone else??
He was a fucking pineapple, for God's sake.
And it was so pathetic of him to feel a twinge of jealousy when Yeonjun brought home a girl. That's right, nearly a month into his residence in Yeonjun's room and his first reaction to seeing something that could lead to his possible salvation was jealousy.
Who the fuck would love a pineapple? Soobin was in over his head. And he didn't know how to stop it.
So he closed his eyes as the two individuals engaged in activities that people usually want privacy for, and tried to ignore the part of him that wanted to be in that position with Yeonjun instead.
.
.
.
Nearly two weeks later was when Soobin's salvation finally came. Or so he thought.
"Why do you keep a rotting pineapple on your windowsill?"
Yeonjun stared at Soobin, who couldn't even bring himself to feel nervous about it like he usually did after his epic realization. He had been feeling strangely tired recently.
"Rotting? He's fine…" Yeonjun picked him up, and his eyes went wide. "No…"
The girl stared at him incredulously, but Yeonjun paid her no mind. Soobin, hellbent on ignoring Yeonjun mostly, paid only her mind.
"Babe, that is a pineapple. It's supposed to rot."
"You don't understand. Steve had never shown signs of rotting before."
The girl laughed, and picked Soobin out of Yeonjun's hands and put him back on the windowsill. Soobin just stood there- or sat there- since really, he couldn't do anything else.
Then she grabbed Yeonjun's hands, and Soobin really did not want to see anything else.
"I wanted to tell you something," she whispered, tightening her hold on his hands. At least, Soobin thought she tightened her hold.
Yeonjun still seemed distracted, but gave her a brief smile. "Yes?"
"I'm in love with you."
Yeonjun froze. So did Soobin, or at least as much as a pineapple could. Ah. It was happening.
So why did he feel so terrible?
Yeonjun stammered, and his girlfriend shushed him. "These two weeks I have spent with you have been magical. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Soobin hadn't heard love confessions before, but surely they had more emotion than this?
Yeonjun extracted himself from her hold. "You don't. You only love me for my money." Well, that made sense. But wait! This was the closest Soobin had ever come to salvation!
"That's not true!" She protested. "I love you a lot, I mean it."
Yeonjun sighed. "I don't. Goodbye, Ivonna."
.
.
.
Ivonna had been pretty. What was there to not love about her?
Since Ivonna left about 4 days ago, Yeonjun had taken to sitting on his bed and staring at Soobin. In fact, he was doing so right now.
"Steve," he murmured, And Soobin would have shivered if he had the energy, "why are you rotting? What happened to my super pineapple?"
Soobin wasn't entirely sure as to why he was rotting, but he knew what it meant. He was going to die. I can't be your super pineapple anymore.
Yeonjun couldn't hear him, obviously. "What will I do without you? Who will I tell about my day, or show around the garden? What do I do?"
Soobin felt terrible seeing Yeonjun so downtrodden. Over a pineapple, at that. I'm just a pineapple.
He felt the rot growing, and he could see from Yeonjun's eyes widening that he could see it too. How unnatural.
Well, he was a human in pineapple mode. Of course, it was unnatural.
"Wha-" Yeonjun's voice broke, and he cleared his throat. "You can't leave me, Steve, I love you-"
Soobin felt it rather than saw it, since he had closed his metaphorical eyes. But he felt the warmth seep through him, and suddenly he was crushing Yeonjun. In human form.
Soobin's eyes widened. And he was naked.
Yeonjun sputtered and scrambled away from him, flinging the blankets at Soobin who deftly caught them and wrapped them around himself. Ah, it was lovely having limbs again.
"What the fuck?!"
Soobin smiled bashfully at the sputtering man in front of him. "Yeonjun," He tried, and was delighted at how the name sounded on his lips, "there's a lot I need to tell you."
Yeonjun was still gaping at him. "You don't say," he said faintly.
"As you can see, I was Steve," Soobin started, and paused. "Why Steve, by the way?"
"It suited you," Yeonjun said, still leaning away from him.
"Yes well, I was cursed into it. And I needed to witness a true love's declaration! Reciprocated love, that is."
"Reciprocated-" his voice cracked. "You mean. When I told you…"
Soobin nodded eagerly, glad that Yeonjun was understanding. "Yes, that's it."
"You…reciprocate…?"
"Oh." Soobin suddenly felt incredibly shy. "Yeah."
"What the fuck." Yeonjun murmured. "But, I thought you were a pineapple. I don't…I don't know if I can…"
Soobin looked at him imploringly. "Will you give me a chance?"
Yeonjun stared back blankly. "A chance."
He nodded resolutely. "A chance to win you over."
Bonus
"You started rotting?!" Beomgyu gasped.
Soobin nodded, having told this story five times already.
"You know how worried I was? I thought I'd have to throw him away!" Yeonjun complained.
Beomgyu laughed brightly. "You only rot if you fall in love with someone." He glanced between the two of them, causing Soobin to blush and Yeonjun to grumble and tighten his hold on Soobin's hand. "How romantic."
"Wait." Soobin's brain tried to process it. "Is that why I…wait how do you…"
Beomgyu coughed into his fist. "I have so much work to do! Well it was fun catching up, and lovely meeting you Soobin! See you two later!"
He ran away, with Yeonjun yelling at his retreating back. "Now hold on a moment, you bastard…!"