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Andy doesn't want to go into the hospital. It still doesn't feel right. Like this is all one big, cruel prank.
He just has to turn around and Gary will jump on him, yelling excitedly wearing those stupid sunglasses and that stupid trenchcoat.
Because that was Gary King. Not a psychiatric patient that had been locked up for the past ten years.
None of it made sense. Sure, Gary could go a little over the top when it came to drugs and booze, but that was just- who he was. Wild and carefree, not troubled- or depressed.
Andy wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there, staring at a sign reading: Chatham Royal Hospital, Psychiatric Unit. Those words had been burned into his mind, they felt like a massive kick in the teeth.
Maybe he was wrong, maybe when Gary's mother said "Psychiatric Unit" she didn't mean "Psychiatric Unit" Andy shook his head, trying to rid himself of those thoughts as he walked straight inside to the reception area.
"Hello, how can I help-"
"Gary King" Andy rudely cut off the reception lady standing by the counter. "I'm looking for Gary King... is he here?"
"Gary King?" The shock in her tone gave Andy a slight glimmer of hope that he'd got it all wrong, he wasn't locked up, he was at home with his wife, maybe even kids...
"Ah, yes." The receptionist lowered her glasses staring at her computer screen. "Gary King... sorry, we just weren't expecting him to have a visitor."
"Does... does he get visitors often?" Andy asked cautiously.
"Unfortunately not... I'm sure he'll be delighted to see someone. Take a seat and fill out this form, someone will be with you shortly." Andy took a clipboard and paper from the receptionist, sitting down on a squeaky plastic chair.
He didn't know why he felt so... terrified. His heart was pounding in his throat, he felt nauseous and his hands would not stop shaking. It was only Gary King, his once best friend, the wildest person he knew...
Andy almost wanted time to freeze, so he could just wait forever. He was too afraid of his best childhood friend, too petrified to see his face. But he wasn't made to wait long.
Andy was led to a door with a sign on it that simply read: "King, Gary. Room 22". There was a small window on the door with a blind covering it so he couldn't peek in, all giving it a too unpleasant feeling that this was a place far from home.
"He may be a little startled. Press the alarm if anything happens." Andy just nodded slowly, staring at the doctor's hand on the door handle.
It opened unbearably slowly, the tension was killing him. And finally... he saw Gary.
A thin frame of a man, sitting hunched over on a plastic-like thin mattress with no bedsheet. The entire room was bare, with no curtains, every handle at an odd sloping angle. Gary himself wasn't wearing that long trenchcoat and sunglasses, instead just a blue hospital gown and grippy socks.
Each wrist was bandaged up, a hospital bracelet on his right.
The figure slowly lifted his head, empty eyes looking straight at Andy, lined with dark circles. Andy couldn't even speak, though his mouth hung open in shock.
Then the figure grinned, a wide smile spreading across his face.
"Andy! What are you doing here?"
For a moment, he was speechless, searching desperately for the right words to say.
"I... I just wanted to find you... see how you were doing." Andy swallowed, not being able to take his eyes off the dishevelled man before him. "I got in contact with your mum... she said... you were here..."
Gary chuckled, running a hand through his now ginger hair. It felt weird seeing it his natural colour, Andy was too used to seeing his box dyed black hair.
"How you been, mate?"
"How I... Uh, good, good. Just working as a lawyer. Married, two kids."
"Cool." Silence fell between them, deafening silence of unspoken words and years of lost friendship that filled the room. "So... how you been-"
"For God's sake Gary!" Andy suddenly snapped. "What the fuck are you doing here? This isn't you!"
"You don't... you don't get it. This is me. It's always been me." Gary laughed to himself, hugging his arms across his chest. "Just... nobody ever noticed."
"What... what do you mean? You were always the crazy one, the outgoing one-"
"Why... why do you think I was like that? Because nobody ever noticed the bruises on my arms? Did you really think I just happened to get into so many 'accidents', that my dad was just strict? Did you really never notice that I always skipped PE class so nobody would see the scars, the bruising or the cuts on my wrists?" Gary paused, trying to catch his breath from his outburst. "Just... nobody cared."
"Gary... please. I had no idea."
"Really? Did you really have no idea... or did you just try to ignore it?"
The guilt was biting at Andy with each word spoken. Because it was all true.
Gary wasn't an awful manipulative liar who had abandoned him. He was just someone who had been struggling for years, thrown to the side like trash and forgotten about.
Because back when they were schoolboys, Andy remembered how uneasy he felt when Gary's father screamed down the phone at him. The way the slightest touch made him wince with pain. The way he wore long sleeves all year round, no matter how scorching hot the summers were.
"Gary... I'm so sorry..."
"No, no , I'm sorry. I never wanted to drag anyone into my mess of a life. I just wanted to have fun- you know, we had some good times. Weren't always doom and gloom." Gary smiled, and it seemed genuine. "I still intend to finish The Golden Mile."
"Yeah... we will mate, we will." Andy took a seat in the chair opposite Gary's bed. "But can you tell me first- how did you end up, you know, in here?"
"Went a bit, uh, off the rails you could say. Jumped from a bridge. Broke both my legs, was comatose for a month. Didn't die though." Gary chuckled. "I mean, obviously..."
"Jesus Gary..."
"When I healed, they dumped me straight in here. And I never really got better, I tried anything to end it all- never worked. So it's been ten years and I'm still stuck here I guess." Gary's cheerful tone mismatched his depressing words. "But at least it's better than being on the streets again."
"Fucking Hell Gaz... I'm sorry." Andy never thought talking to his best friend would be so difficult, so painful. "I'm sorry I weren't there."
"Nah. Don't be. I was the one who made a fuck up of my life." Gary chuckled softly to himself. "Sorry... I've been a bit all over the place. It's just been a long time since I've seen anyone."
"Gary... please just do me one favour..."
"Sure... what is it?"
"Get out of here. It's not too late, I promise. I promise you can still make a life for yourself. I promise you can recover those years you lost to addiction or trauma." Andy took hold of Gary's cold, pale here. "And even if everything goes to complete shit, please at least try. Don't leave yourself here to rot."
"Ah..." Gary swallowed, tightening his fingers around Andy's hand. "I just... it's hard..."
"I know it's hard. Life's fucking hard. Nobody's life is perfect, no matter how much you think otherwise. Gary..." Andy's eyes began to fill with tears, leaning his forehead against Gary's. "My wife left me Gaz. She took the kids to her mum's house. Now every day I come back to an empty home, and every day I want to give up. But I keep going. Because... because I have to."
"Andy..."
"And you have to keep going. Because you're Gary Fucking King, and there's no replacement for you..."
The two sat, heads bowed together, crying softly.
"Andy... I can't promise I'll get better. But I promise I'll try."