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Her road isn’t a very long one.
It’s always a pain in the ass to travel further ahead, where the years are longer and she can tell where memory gets bleeker. At some point, Amelia sees less of herself. She travels to specific destinations. If she doesn’t, she’ll end up in front of a grave. It’s nauseating to see her name on it.
She thinks it’s worse to see what it’s done to those she loves.
The future paints itself as a gray picture. It’s a gazebo sitting on a lake. The wooden dock is musty. Mildew hangs in the air. There’s a screen of fog over the lake. It makes the trees around its shore look twisted and sickly. Amelia stands before the dock and leans against the railing. She watches the gazebo.
It’s a nice feeling to at least know Ina and Gura stick close, even long after she’s parted from this world. It had been a worry that sat in the back of her head. How would they go on? She grips her watch. How would they change?
She is happy to know it’s not by much. She isn’t as happy to feel this kind of silence. Bird song is quiet around here, a muted noise amongst the lapping waves of the lake. The absence of laughter and joy… it made her ache. She wanted to stroll across that dock and shout their names. She wanted to raise her hand up high and wave until she got two beautiful smiles in return.
She doesn’t. Amelia can feel the grime on her hands as her fingers dig into the wooden railing. She’s observing a quiet painting, a memory of something she can’t touch. It wasn’t hers to keep.
It’s Gura sitting on the banister of the gazebo. She has her back to the wall and her head tilted away. Amelia can’t see her expression. Gura is looking at the lake, her tail motionless as it hangs off the railing. Her knees are pulled up, not close enough to be tucked to her chest. She looks relaxed. Just by her shoes is Ina’s elbow where the priestess leans against the railing. Her back is also to Amelia. Her hair is pulled up into a ponytail, the long strands falling over her shoulder. She’s wearing a hoodie, Amelia notices, and it’s yellow.
They aren’t talking. Not a word is spoken between them. A breeze moves more of Ina’s hair over her shoulder. She doesn’t move to readjust it. The stillness of it feels like Amelia has frozen time, yet all she’s done is breathe.
This is the pain of humanity. She has one life and it burns itself up before their eyes. It wasn’t a big deal to her, she was human, she knows this. She’ll reach the end of a good life, but is that good for them? To Gura, who has watched the sea rumble and quake until it swallowed home and family. To Ina, whose only solace is the dark shadows that stretch on the walls.
To them, who have forever and yet no time at all.
Get over it, she wants to say, be happier that way. She’s the last person they want to hear that from. She could probably wrangle someone else into talking to them, but a small selfish part of her doesn’t want that. She wants Ina to keep wearing her hoodie. She wants that love despite that pain.
It makes nausea twist in her stomach. She’s confronted with the problem of immortality. It’s the health and happiness of the ones she loves.
Am I helping? She wonders. Am I making it worse?
She entertains the idea of visiting them. Amelia would stretch her heart between any and all, throttling herself between their hearts like they aren’t the same people. Her head hurts at the notion. She’d rather not, for her own sanity.
She traces her fingers along her watch. The chain is getting tangled with her thumb. There’s a small part of her that wants to throw this as hard as she can and see how the lake swallows it whole. She’ll forget about it and approach them. She’d tell them she’s back, for real this time, don’t cry . Or maybe that’d be cruel. She doesn’t have memories of her future self. She’s barely stepped into their relationship. They wouldn’t have any idea what to do with her.
She has her own Ina and Gura to love and cherish, far back into the past, in her present. They don’t know what the future holds for them. They have no idea this lake even exists. Amelia is sure they’ve at least thought about what the future will be without her, they know, but they aren’t going to run themselves into circles about it. Her girls will cherish their time with her until they do find a lake by themselves to share quiet solace with.
It’s heartbreaking. It’s too much.
She moves the hands on her watch. There’s a clicking noise in her head. A tick, tock, tick, tock, resounds around her. She can hear Kronii hum.
“Are you sure?” The time warden asks. She’s beside her shoulder, or maybe she’s not.
Amelia mutters, “Are you gonna scold me?”
“Why would I do that?” Kronii asks airily. Her expression gives nothing away. “I gave you that watch to do what you want with it. If this is what you want, then that’s how it’ll be.”
Amelia breathes. She can’t handle it out in the air like that. It feels like it's strangling her. She jokes weakly, “Even if I go kissing every council member?”
“I’d have to kill you,” Kronii says evenly. There’s amusement in her eyes as she regards the detective. There’s a smidge of concern there too. “...but you’re already doing that just fine by yourself.”
Amelia looks away.
Kronii doesn’t say anything to her. They both watch as Ina stretches, a loud sigh coming from her. It shakes Gura out of her stupor. The shark is tiredly rubbing her eyes.
“I’m ready to go home,” Ina says. She holds her arms out to help Gura down, “What about you? Did you like it?”
“I guess.” Gura says around a yawn, “It’s okay but it’s kinda boring.”
Ina laughs softly. It’s a sound that flutters in Amelia’s ears. “I promise to take us somewhere else next time.”
“Nah, hold on, I’m choosing our next spot.” Gura huffs as she hops down from the banister. She’s hooking her arms with Ina. “And it’s gonna have food. Nice, warm, scrumptious food.”
“My stomach is gonna growl, stop it,” Ina says.
Gura says, “Tummy growlies. Gurgle baby.”
“A what?” Ina laughs. “Gura.”
The shark snickers. They’re crossing the dock and walking towards Amelia. Her throat goes dry. She glances beside her and is a little annoyed at the absence of the time warden. She’s glad she’s clinging to the railing or everyone would be able to see her shaking knees. As they walk by, Gura says excuse me.
“Sorry,” Amelia says, even though she’s not in the way.
Ina says, “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” Amelia murmurs. They pass by her without a second glance. She can hear them talking, quiet murmuring as they move further up the bank. She listens as Gura asks where’d you get that hoodie anyway and she can’t hear Ina’s response, not over the roar in her ears and nausea she has to swallow down.
Kronii leans on the railing beside her, “So?”
“You ditched me,” Amelia grumbles.
“They still know me.” Kronii fires back. She doesn’t look perturbed. Amelia flinches, her grip on the watch tightening until it hurts. The time warden watches her keenly. “...if you need someone to talk to…”
“Thanks, Kronster.” Amelia runs a hand through her hair, “I’m just…gonna go home.”
“...Alright,” Kronii says. “Take care of yourself.”
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Home is where she plants her feet, right in the middle of the living room. It’s where, mere seconds after she’s arrived, she can hear puppy claws scraping at the floor. Bubba comes scampering around the corner, happy yips as he nearly rams into her knees. Amelia laughs, crouching down to accept happy kisses.
“Aww, who missed me? Have you been a good boy?” She scratches behind his ears. She can hear laughter from down the hall, bright and lovely. It rattles her. She buries her face into Bubba’s fur for a moment to gather herself. Once she’s settled, she stands up and stretches.
“Help me with my latest case, boy.” She says to her dog. “I’m looking for my girlfriends. Got any leads?”
Bubba yips and trots down the hall. Amelia follows him in amusement, her hands stuffed into the pockets of her coat. The voices grow louder. She can hear Gura wheezing in between hiccups of laughter. Ina is saying something, something really fast, and it only makes the shark laugh louder. Amelia finds the source in their bedroom.
She stands in the doorway and takes it in. They’re playing a word game it looks like. Amelia can’t even begin to understand the rules of it. They are using clothespins as punishment. Ina has her tentacles out with dozens of them pinched onto the appendages. Gura has a ring around her tail. She’s doubled over with laughter as Ina carefully applies another pin to her tentacle.
“Wrecking Ball,” Ina says.
“Wecking wall.” Gura nearly sobs.
Ina shakes with barely suppressed laughter, “Weking Wah.”
“It doesn’t sound like it at all!” Gura says. “Again, c’mon, you can do better.”
With shaky hands, Ina applies another clothespin. Amelia smiles as leans against the door, “Am I interrupting?”
“Oh, fucking finally.” Gura is wiping her eyes. Her smile is wide. It’s a nice thing to see, Amelia thinks somberly. It’s better than what dreary lakes make of her. There's a warm feeling in her chest at having that smile directed at her. “Ame, you’re joining in. What’s your punishment zone?”
“My what.” Amelia echoes flatly.
Ina’s fingers fumble with another clothespin. She says breathlessly, “Pinch zone.”
“Don’t touch me.” Amelia threatens, a smile twitching at her lips. “Besides, that hurts! I’m only human, you guys are just cheating.”
“Baby.” Gura accuses. She’s making room on the bed for her. Amelia hesitates to accept the obvious invitation. Only when Gura pats the spot does she unroot her feet and carry herself over. Instead of sitting, she falls forward and dramatically flops onto the bed. It jostles her girlfriends and sends clothespins everywhere.
“Oh, dear,” Ina says.
“Fine, the baby is on my team,” Gura says. Amelia can feel her hands tugging at her shoulders and dragging her to Gura’s side of the bed. She shudders, that aching part of her wanting to hide from that affection. Gura isn’t letting her squirm away. Her shark is dragging her until her head is in her lap. “Okay. Ame, give us a word. Two words. Maybe three if you wanna be cool.”
Amelia mutters, “Time travel.”
Ina says, “Wime Wavel.”
It makes Amelia snort. She can hear Gura trying to keep it together as she says, “Wim wawel.”
“Mmmm.” Ina playfully says. “That didn’t sound very close, Gura.”
“Screw you, you just know you can’t do better.”
“Wee waowl.” Ina says. It sounds so ridiculous, Amelia giggles. That breaks Gura, who bursts into happy laughter. Her girlfriends keep bantering and it settles warmly in her ears. She sighs, getting comfortable in Gura’s lap. Their laughter echoes in her ear and washes away what the future will bring.
For now, she can enjoy the moment.
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