Chapter Text
"Good morning, Ponyboy."
"Good morning, Doctor Song." Pony grinned a little, carefully sitting back on the sofa. He'd been out of the hospital for a little over a week, and as long as he didn't move too much, he did okay. Soda had barely even had to help him, except for the stairs, which had been a pain, but Soda was patient and Pony was determined to get back to normal as fast as possible…well…as fast as Darry would let him.
But Darry hadn't been the only one hovering. Although he was now allowed to do his homework, any one of the guys would get on him if they caught him working on it for too long. Even Dally…although Dally's version of 'concern for his well being' was swatting the book out of his hand and ordering him to give it a rest. Then they'd play cards or watch TV or something. Still, Dally was real careful with him, not even acting like he was going to pretend to punch him, which was Dal's go to for playing around.
Two-Bit was back to making sure he ate, and although, as far as Pony knew, he'd never told his brothers about what had happened at track tryouts, Pony didn't want to risk him deciding to enlighten them. So he ate the snacks and fast food the gang snuck him, all of them trying to hide it from Darry who insisted on things like vegetables. Pony couldn't bring himself to mind too much that his brother wanted him to eat healthy…having someone actually care about him still felt like something that was too good to be true sometimes. Darry loved him. More than anything. So of course he'd want him to eat right and stay in bed when he was hurting.
Even Steve had taken to checking in on him, showing up at the house when he should be in school. After the first weekend he'd spent at home, Darry really had needed to go back to work, and although Pony knew his brother hated it, he promised that he was fine. That he'd be careful. That the guys would probably check in anyway since the lazy greasers would take any chance they could to skip school. That last one had made him laugh, and on Monday morning, Pony had spent about an hour and a half alone before Steve had showed up.
The one who pretended not to like him. Pony had to smile when he remembered Lianne's words.
Rita had come by too, a couple of times, and they'd sat together in the living room, him telling her about Lianne and what she'd said to him in that field, and her catching him up on stuff going on around town. She'd told him that Darry had been talking to that girl he liked some according to Two-Bit, just keeping her caught up on what was going on, so it seemed like that girl Rita worked with wasn't going to catch her a Curtis boy anytime soon. She'd told him about Susie, and how worried she'd been, but also that she suspected Two-Bit's younger sister had found herself a secret boyfriend. He'd been sworn to secrecy, of course, so he hadn't mentioned it to Two-Bit, but he'd vowed to see if she seemed any different the next time she came over to borrow a book.
He'd called James on his first day home from the hospital, letting Darry help him into the living room. Darry had headed to the kitchen to get started on dinner before Soda got home, and Pony had dialed the number he'd memorized after months of seeing it on the refrigerator.
James, as always, had answered the phone as if inconvenienced by having one, and Pony had grinned.
"Hey. It's Ponyboy."
There had been a silence, and then a long exhale. "Jesus, kid. You about gave me a heart attack, you know that right?"
"Sorry…I didn't know Darry was going to call you."
"He should have called me sooner."
"Why? You would have just worried more."
"You've had enough people die to know the answer to that, don't you kid?"
Pony had flinched at the dark question, but he'd known the answer. To say goodbye, of course. He hadn't gotten to say goodbye to his parents, and he'd wondered, and would continue to wonder for years, if that would have made it any easier.
It had helped with Lianne, even if the goodbye had come after the fact.
"How you doing?" James had asked, voice somewhat subdued.
"I'm alright. Just got home today. I won't be running track for a while, but I can walk around the house some."
"And they arrested that guy that stabbed you?"
"Yeah…that's what my brother said. I don't know much about it though. Just that he's saying it was self-defense."
Pony had waited for James to ask if it was…if this had been like New York, when he'd about killed that guy at the store he'd worked at, but he didn't, so Pony had figured that James didn't much care.
They talked a little more, but pretty soon, Pony's eyes had been closing, head dropping back against Darry's recliner, and James must have noticed how tired he sounded, taking longer pauses between answering his questions, because his friend had laughed a little under his breath. "Alright, kid. I've got to get ready for work. How about you stay out of trouble for a while, huh? At least until I can come down and keep you out of trouble myself."
"You're coming back?" Pony had asked, perking up at the thought of seeing his friend again, and James had chuckled.
"Sure. Maybe around Christmas when the diner ain't so busy and T can cover for me. I'll see you around, alright?"
Pony had hung up the phone after exchanging goodbyes, and had fallen asleep not too much later, dreaming about New York and his friend, and this time, the dreams hadn't been too bad at all.
He'd also talked to Sue on the phone. It wasn't something they'd done much, what with the long distance, but when he'd answered the phone on Wednesday afternoon, after having spent most of the day alone since Rita had gone to work at ten, he'd been surprised to hear a familiar voice on the other line.
"Is this…Sodapop?"
Pony had blinked, staring at the phone and shaking his head as though he could see him. "Mr. Williams?"
"Yes…"
"It's…no, it's Ponyboy." The urge to clarify, to call himself Mike, had been there, but before he could, Mr. Williams had gone on.
"Ponyboy? I thought that was you." To Pony's surprise, he'd sounded relieved. "Your oldest brother called me…he said you were in the hospital."
"Oh…yeah. But I'm alright."
"He said another boy stabbed you in the stomach."
"He…yeah, he did. But I'm alright."
"Son, I'd hate to know what you'd consider not alright."
Pony had laughed at that, and after a moment, Mr. Williams had chuckled a little.
"I'm glad to hear that you're doing better. We hadn't heard anything and I wanted to check in."
He'd just mailed Sue a letter the day before (via Johnny who'd only grinned a little at the request to take it to the nearest mailbox on his way to work) but he guessed they'd been worried. For some reason, that had surprised him. "Yes, sir…sorry about that. Darry's been working a lot. Soda too. And that pain medicine they gave me makes me real tired. I should have thought to call you, though."
"It's no problem, Ponyboy. But there is someone here who would very much like to speak to you."
"Oh…yeah?"
"One moment."
And then another familiar voice had been in his ear. "Ponyboy?"
His heart had done a little flip, and he'd found himself grinning at the wall as he'd clutched the phone, sitting back in Darry's recliner. "Hey, Sue."
She'd given a little laugh, but it had sounded more upset than amused. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah…I'm fine. Sorry…I just sent you a letter yesterday."
"You got stabbed." It had been something between a bewildered question and an accusation, and so, even though he'd written most of it down just a day ago, Pony had told her the whole story, starting with Bob and his buddies in that park before he'd been taken away, even though she already knew that part, then moving on to how Bob had been bugging him at school, and finally giving her a condensed version of what had happened in the locker room.
"I'm alright, though. I can probably go back to school soon and everything."
He hadn't told her about seeing Lianne…not yet. But he had told her a little about Rita, and how she had been hanging around more since she'd started seeing Two-Bit. He'd told her about Two-Bit before, but his name always made her laugh a little.
"I'd like to meet them some day…your friends. Darry and Soda too. For real, I mean."
"Maybe we can come back up to New York sometime," he'd offered, wondering if that could ever happen…if they could ever get the money together and the time off…they could see James and meet Mr. Williams and Sue and Marcus…and maybe he could even convince them to go to that church and meet the reverend who'd been so nice to him and Johnny. He'd thought plenty of times about showing Soda and Darry the store where he'd gotten his first job.
And seeing Sue again. More and more, as they wrote letters and talked a couple of times on the phone, he thought about seeing Sue again.
"That would be great." She'd trailed off for a moment, then, after hesitating, had gone on. "You graduate after another year, right?"
"Yeah. I'm a junior now."
"Me too."
He'd known that…had known that she was somewhere close to a year older than him, and that they were in the same grade. So he was a little confused about where she was going with this.
"Have you thought more about college?"
"Yeah," he'd told her. He'd had lots of time to think about it this year, since he was working to keep his grades up. "I figured I'd stay close to here…it's cheaper, and if I can get a scholarship, that'll help. Maybe University of Tulsa…I might even be able to live at home."
Before, that thought would have been awful…he'd wanted to get away from Darry as quick as possible. Now, though…now he wanted to be around his family for as long as he could. He couldn't bear the thought of living away from them…the University of Tulsa was real close…close enough to drive, and he wouldn't have to be alone.
Just the thought of being on his own again made his throat start to close up.
"That's smart…living at home would save money." She'd been quiet for a second. "You know, I've lived in New York my whole life. Never even seen anywhere else. And my daddy wants me to stay close…but Langston University is right by the University of Tulsa. I think…he'd probably be more likely to give his blessing if there were some familiar faces around."
Just the thought of going to college with Sue so close had made his stomach do another flip, and ever since that phone call, he'd been thinking more and more about it. He figured Johnny would go to the same school, and if Darry got himself a steady girl or something, him and Johnny could always room together. So he wouldn't be alone…not really. But having Sue around…
Well, he suddenly found himself looking forward to college a lot more.
He hadn't told his brothers just yet though…he figured he'd wait until it was official. He sure didn't want Darry thinking he was picking a college because of a girl.
"How have you been feeling?" Doctor Song's question pulled him out of his thoughts of Sue, and he made himself focus.
"Uh…yeah. I've been okay. Better."
"I'm glad to hear it. I was worried when your brother told me what happened."
"Sorry…I don't know what all they told you…"
"Darry called me on Saturday."
Pony could only imagine how broken up he must have been…how hard it would have been to call Dr. Song and try to explain how bad off Pony was, when it had only happened two days ago. When he hadn't even woken up yet.
When they were asking if he wanted a priest.
"Would you like to tell me what happened?" Dr. Song asked, and he nodded. Out of all the stuff they'd talked about over the weeks, he thought, this might be the easiest. He wasn't scared when he thought about it…not really. This felt like something he'd lived with his whole life…socs hating him and jumping him for no reason. After living with a monster, Bob Sheldon wasn't much to be scared of. He hadn't even meant to stab him. Pony told her that…told her how startled he'd looked when he'd pulled the knife out. How he'd stood up, and looked scared and sorry.
"Steve showed up to give me a ride home and I guess he went and called for help. I can't remember much about that."
"It's normal not to remember much after that kind of injury," she told him, nodding and making a note of something. He had a feeling that she was going to ask him something else, but he spoke before she could.
"I…when I was in the hospital, before I woke up…I was…I was with Lianne."
Pony didn't look at her as he said it…instead, he stared down at the carpet, tracing the patterns there, and she got real quiet and real still. But he wanted to tell her…wanted to tell her what he'd seen. He'd sort of told Darry, and he'd told Rita, but as he told Dr. Song about seeing Lianne at that house, and hanging out with her behind the bar, her face softened into a gentle smile, letting him know that she wasn't going to question if it had really happened. Darry and Rita hadn't either, but he was pretty sure his brother thought he'd been dreaming. And maybe he had…but it sure hadn't felt like a dream.
"And how did that feel? Seeing her again?"
"It…it was…good. I mean…seeing Lianne again…and hearing her tell me she didn't blame me and that she wasn't mad at me. That was real good." Those words didn't feel like enough, and he felt like if he could just get a piece of paper and a pen, he could write it out better, but Dr. Song seemed to understand, nodding a little.
"It sounds like it helped with the guilt you were feeling."
"It did. A lot. She was telling me I couldn't have done anything and…I mean, I know we already talked about. But it was different, hearing it from her. And she was okay, you know? Like, she wasn't scared or sad or anything. She seemed like she was doing good."
Ponyboy wiped at his eyes, kind of self conscious, but she just smiled, nodding along with him. "I'm glad to hear it," she told him softly. "From what you've told me about her, she deserves to be at peace."
Yeah, he thought. Peace. That's how he'd felt when he was with her. Like she finally had peace.
Soda was flipping through what looked like a new car magazine, but he tossed it on the table as soon as Ponyboy stepped out of the office, grinning and jumping to his feet. "Hey, kiddo. You done?"
"Yeah."
"It go okay?"
"Sure. It was fine."
"You feel up to walking?"
"Unless you're gonna call us a taxi, I don't guess I have much choice."
Soda snorted, rolling his eyes and throwing an arm around him, lending his support without being asked. Pony couldn't help leaning on him some. The walk from the bus stop and up the stairs had left him pretty sore. He was ready to lay back down and finish up his homework since he'd hopefully be going back to school Monday, with the guys keeping a closer eye on him than before.
If that was even possible.
"Same place as usual for lunch?"
"Don't you want to go meet Alice or something?"
"What, you trying to get rid of me?"
"No," Pony told him with a laugh, not wanting him to think that. It wasn't true. Not anymore. "But you ain't seen her in a while, have you?"
"She gets it. Her and Darry's girl both. They were real worried about you, you know?"
"I've barely even met them."
"Yeah, I know. You've been kind of busy." He patted Pony's shoulder as they headed down the stairs. They only made it down about five before Pony had to stop, gripping the railing and taking deep breaths, trying to keep his brain from drifting off like it did sometimes when he was in a lot of pain. This had nothing to do with Richard, he reminded himself. He was fine.
Soda gripped his arm, supporting him and obviously suppressing the urge to ask if he was okay.
"She still wants to come over for dinner sometime. Meet you and Darry for real," he said instead.
"Invite her over. We'll be good." Pony took another deep breath and tried to grin, leaning back on his brother and taking the last few stairs slow. "Are you guys doing anything later?"
"I'm taking her to the movies."
"You hate the movies."
"They're growing on me."
Pony wasn't too sure it was the movies growing on his brother so much as getting to be with a pretty girl in a dark room, but since Soda had just helped him down a flight of stairs, he figured he'd keep his mouth shut about it. "What about Darry? It's Saturday. Is he going to take his girl out?"
"He mentioned something about it. He might wait until tomorrow when I'll be home."
"You guys don't have to babysit me, you know?" They stepped out onto the street and Soda removed his arm, hesitating like Pony might fall down, but he was pretty steady, and as long as they walked pretty slow, he was okay to walk as they headed to their usual diner to eat lunch. "I'll be alright at the house on my own. I'll lock the door and everything."
It was true. Over the last week, he'd spent plenty of time in bed, but he was able to walk around the house on his own, and make it to the bathroom and back. He had to be careful taking a shower so he didn't get the stitches wet, but he'd figured it out. The doctor had told him that he'd probably have a scar, and he'd had to fight the urge to laugh.
After everything, what was one more scar? At least he'd have one that Richard hadn't given him.
Soda just looked him over for a second, not seeming overly confident, and Pony resolved to talk to Darry himself. He'd be fine alone for a few hours. Johnny might even come over, or he'd fall asleep early like he did all the time now thanks to his pain meds.
When Darry got home that evening, Soda was in the middle of making spaghetti for dinner, and Pony was laying on the sofa like usual, watching TV and skimming a book for English.
"Hey, kiddo. How'd it go?"
"Fine," Pony assured him, putting the book down and electing not to tell him how hard it had been to get down the stairs at the therapist's office. "How was work?"
Darry dropped into his recliner. "It was alright."
"Shouldn't you go get ready?"
His brother's brow furrowed as he tilted his head, glancing around like he might have forgotten something. "What?"
"You're going out with Mary, right?"
In the kitchen, he heard Soda huff out a laugh, and Darry shook his head, smiling a little. "Nah, not tonight."
"Why not?"
"We can do something tomorrow."
"Or you could do something tonight. You're off tomorrow. You can stay out late. Sleep in tomorrow."
"What, you want to get rid of me?" Darry asked, laughing and crossing his arms.
"Yep. Go on. Get ready."
Darry snorted, turning to the TV and apparently ignoring him, and Pony sighed, dropping his head against the pillow.
"Come on, Dar. You've missed out on enough stuff because of me."
That got his attention and he shook his head. "Pony, I haven't…"
Pony smiled a little when his brother trailed off, turning to face him and found him leaning forward in the recliner like he might be ready to get up and come over to the sofa. "Sure you have. But you don't have to tonight. I'm fine here by myself. I promise. I won't burn the place down or nothing. I'll probably just do homework and go to bed."
He just wanted things to be normal. And it wasn't like when he'd first come home and was trying to pretend so hard it hurt sometimes. Now, he felt like things really could be normal. His brothers could go out on dates and hang out with their friends and he'd be just fine. He wasn't trying to avoid Darry. He just wanted his brother to get his life back. Or…as much of it as he could have while still being Pony's guardian.
"I don't want you thinking like that, you hear? If I've missed out on anything, it's not because of you." Soda was quiet in the kitchen, the only sound for a minute the water boiling, and Pony had no doubt he could hear Darry despite how quiet he was talking. "You just got out of the hospital last week. It don't feel right, leaving you here by yourself so much."
"It's been more than a week now. I'm fine. I walked outside today and everything." He could see his brother softening, so he went on, grinning. "Come on. You ain't gonna have a girl for long if you never take her out."
"You hear this kid?" Darry called to Soda, standing and messing up Pony's hair as he passed, shaking his head to himself. "He's giving me advice on girls now."
Soda laughed. "He ain't wrong, you know."
"Not you too…" Darry spun and crossed his arms, him and Pony finding Sodapop standing in the kitchen doorway.
"He did fine walking today. And it's only for a couple of hours."
Pony wasn't sure what exactly had convinced Soda to come to his side of the issue, but he was grateful. "There isn't exactly any trouble for me to get into on the couch," he reminded his brother.
"I'm sure you'll find some anyway," he grumbled, softening his words with a chuckle as he dropped back into his recliner, grabbing the phone. Soda went back into the kitchen as he dialed her number, and Pony pretended to be engrossed in his book. The house was quiet for a second, and then Darry was asking Mary if she wanted to get dinner, and Pony tried to hide his smug smile behind his book. "Yeah, he's doing a lot better," Darry told her, and Pony had to assume he was talking about him. "He'll be alright for a couple of hours on his own."
He hung up the phone and headed for his bedroom, Soda poking his head out from the kitchen and grinning when he met Pony's eyes as the door shut behind their brother. He disappeared after a moment, getting back to their dinner, and sure enough, Darry came out of his room dressed in a nice pair of jeans and a clean shirt, shooting Soda a look when he whistled.
"Shut it."
"Is that cologne?" Soda asked, and Pony laughed on the couch, trying to stay still while doing so so his stomach didn't hurt.
"Make sure to clean up the kitchen before you leave," he ordered, pointing a finger at Soda, then turned to Pony. "Don't leave the house while we're gone."
"Wouldn't dream of it." Pony fought to keep a straight face, nodding seriously along as his brother stared critically down at him.
"Keep the doors locked. The guys all have keys. Try not to move around too much."
"I'll sleep right here on the couch."
Darry rolled his eyes, reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder. "There ain't a single thing I've missed that I didn't give up willingly, you hear? So don't think it's your fault. Alright? It's mine. And I'd do it again." His brother squeezed his shoulder, smiling when Pony did, then headed out.
Years later, fresh out of college and sitting out on the back porch as the guys gathered around the grill and watched Dally argue with James about the best way to cook burgers, Pony would turn to his brother who would be laughing at the gang, wisely choosing to stay out of this particular argument. At 22 himself, just a little older than Darry had been when he'd gotten custody of his brothers, he'd finally ask the question that had been bugging him ever since he'd turned nineteen. "Dar?"
"Yeah?"
It would be a sunny day, right in the middle of July. The girls would be crowded into their too-small kitchen, trying to escape the heat and laughing at something Pony couldn't hear, Alice with a gold ring on her left hand. Darry's new girl wouldn't be there, but Sue would, and Pony wouldn't be too sure, but he'd have an idea that she might just say yes to a ring of her own if he asked. As the days passed, he'd be surer and surer that he wanted to ask.
"Did you ever regret it?"
"What?" he'd ask, turning to face Pony head on. He would be close to thirty, looking more like their dad than ever, and he'd cock his head, eyes narrow like he was trying to remember if he'd missed something. "Regret what, kiddo?"
"Keeping us?"
Darry would go still then, eyes widening, and Pony would hurry to go on, trying to lighten his words with a smile.
"I was just wondering. And I wouldn't blame you. You were only nineteen…God knows I was a handful."
"You were a kid," Darry would scold with all the hindsight of someone older. "A kid that just lost his parents."
"So were you."
Pony would still feel like a kid some days. He'd still turn to Darry most of the time when faced with some adult problem he didn't know how to solve, and Darry was always there, ready to help. It was hard, sometimes, to remember that his brother hadn't had anyone to turn to for any of this.
"Anyway, I'm just saying. I wouldn't blame you. I was just wondering…did you ever think about it? Giving up custody and…"
"No." Darry's voice would be hard, but not mean as he reached out and gripped Pony's shoulder, like just having this conversation would get his brother taken away, never mind that Pony was grown now. "Not for a second. I mean…it was rough," hed admit.
"Especially those first couple of years…especially when they took you and…and when you came back, you were struggling so much. And I didn't know how to help. Then that shit with Bob Sheldon…"
He would spit out the name, lips twisting into a snarl. Darry would never forgive Bob Sheldon. Neither would the gang. And Pony guessed he couldn't blame them.
"But keeping you and Soda…keeping our family together? No. I never regretted it. Not ever."
And, with the sounds of his friends arguing and the smell of burning meat drifting over from the grill, he would look into his brother's eyes and he'd believe him.