Chapter Text
It was a lazy morning at Harry’s apartment, (or supposed to be, anyway). Harry was making crepes for breakfast while Kim sat at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of coffee. How Harry managed to be this functional on so little sleep was beyond him.
Kim’s ears pricked up. There were panicked whispers from down the hall. On paper, Harry had adopted Kuno de Ruyter. In practice, he now had Cuno AND Cunoesse, taking turns with Harry’s old guest bed and a sleeping bag on the floor.
“Shitshitshitshitshitshit - “
“The fuck you on about?”
“Shut the FUCK up, Cuno?”
“You okay?”
“...fuckfuckfuckamIdying? None of your fucking business!”
“Holy shit, is that blood? How the FUCK did you get hurt?”
“Fuck OFF, Cuno!”
Kim sighed. He’d never thought he’d be a dad. After years of dealing with juvenile cases, he hadn’t really wanted to. But Harry had a point - Cuno (and Cunoesse) needed parents who were willing to act at least vaguely parent-like.
Kim stood, cracked his neck and went down the hall to investigate. Cuno was slouching against the bathroom door, protectively.
“Fuck you want, pig?” Cuno blustered.
“Are either of you hurt?”
“My cunt is bleeding, fuck-o!” Cunoesse’s panicked voice came from inside the bathroom. “Fuck off!”
Kim raised his voice to be heard through the door. “Is this your first period?”
“...FUCK.”
“Oh shit.” Cuno blinked. “So she’s not dying and shit?”
“No, this is normal.” Kim noted, in his cool, professional tone. Oh great. He’d seen too many messed up teenagers in his time. He’d hoped these two might get to be kids a little while longer. “Try to stay calm. Cuno and I will go fetch supplies.”
Cuno looked torn. The way Kim drove was always a fucking trip, and Cuno was getting his need for speed that way these days.
On the other hand, he didn’t seem to want to leave Cunoesse.
“We’ll leave in a few minutes.” Kim nodded to Cuno, and went to go make himself presentable for being in public, even if it was only a short jaunt to the Fritte down the road.
The jingle of Kim’s keys made Harry perk up. “Getting the paper?” he asked, over his shoulder, drizzling crepe batter into a pan.
“Cunoesse needs menstrual supplies.” Kim says quietly. “Do you need anything while I’m out?”
“Oh. Shit. Hold on,” Harry matches his tone for a second. “Did she check under the bathroom sink? DID YOU CHECK UNDER THE BATHROOM SINK?” this last was shouted down the hallway, where the panicked whispers were silent for a moment, filled with the sounds of rummaging.
“...THE FUCK YOU GOT TAMPONS FOR, PIG?” Cuno’s voice cracked.
Harry was quiet for a long moment.
Harrier Du Bois’s apartment was an archeological site, scattered with artifacts of his old life. Had the man never thought about throwing things away? This prickled in Kim’s minimalist soul. Clearly he’d never quite gotten around to tossing out ALL the ex-something’s things. Kim might need to help him make another pass. Though clearly this time it came in handy.
Something in Harry clicked, and his expression unfroze. “First aid for gunshot wounds.” he shouted back.
“Fuck, really?”
“Get the fuck out of here, Cuno!” Cunoesse shrieked.
Kim blinked. He’d seen gunshot wounds. Had a couple himself. Nursed Harry through his most recent one. Never would he have thought to soak up the blood with a tampon, even if he had known where to find one in an emergency.
Harry was full of constant surprises, especially to himself. No wonder Kim couldn’t get enough of this man. It was like a never-ending mystery.
Cuno finally let himself be driven off, fumbling on his sneakers. “Fuck, she’s fuckin’ pissed.”
“You would be too, if your body did that to you every month.” Harry had set the crepe pan aside and started writing a list on the kitchen message pad. He had a towel over one shoulder, and a “Kiss the Cop” apron on - it had been a gag gift from the 41st’s last charity fundraising drive. Harry wore it - sometimes ONLY it, if the kids were away - at every opportunity.
“Here.” Harry handed the list to Kim.
Red meat.
Chocolate (ask Cuno what she likes)
Tampons
AND pads (so she can decide what she likes better)
One of those electric heating pads if you can find one.
“Fuck we need all that for?” Cuno blinks, reading over Kim’s shoulder.
“Look, kid.” Harry puts the pan back on the burner, flipping the crepe with an actually-somehow-smooth movement. “If you want a woman in your house, ever, you gotta get her what she needs for this thing, and then get out of her way.”
“Fuck…” Cuno said, looking at Harry with slight awe. The corner of Kim’s mouth twitched. The kid was pretty messed up, sure. But the way he reacted when Harry did Dad-things was just…somehow really sweet.
“And the sooner you get back, the sooner you get crepes!” Harry pointed out with a bright smile
Cuno was nothing if not food-motivated. “Alright, let’s fucking go!”
“Be right back.” Kim said, and was pleasantly surprised when Harry leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
“See you soon.” he rumbled.
Cuno recoiled from the grown-up cooties. “Ugh. Get a fucking room, fucking pigs!”
“Alright, let’s go.” Kim took Cuno by the elbow, steering him out the door. Kim’s ears were burning red, and Harry grinned to himself. Just another day in Paradise.