Chapter Text
Ashtray was screwed.
He knew it from the first moment he saw her.
Some years ago, he had been forced by Lexi to watch a strange movie about love and drugs.
He remembered very well the first scene of that movie and what the protagonist had said.
“I remember that it hurt. Looking at her hurt.”
At that time, Ashtray was still too young and too violent to understand the meaning of those words involving love for someone, but as the years passed and with the company of Lexi and her insistent ways of forcing him to read romantic literature, Ash had become made a mere idea of what the protagonist wanted to say in that sentence.
He understood it, loving someone so much it hurt, but it wasn't until that winter day that he truly felt it.
The hurting.
Ashtray had started high school late, it was his last year and he was about to turn nineteen, he wasn't doing badly but he wasn't going to graduate at the top of the class either, Lexi had planned his future to the millimeter with Fez, who had retired as a drug dealer a couple of years ago, now they all lived together in one of those suburban houses Ashtray had always loathed.
Lexi worked in the city at a small publishing house as a reader, and Fez had opened a small pub downtown, where Ash worked after school.
At first everything was a bit confusing for the boy, the way in which his life was changing little by little and how he had to make less and less effort to stay slightly awake at night, just in case...
He still couldn't decide if it was something he liked or if on the contrary, he missed his old life.
Of course, all those changes were to and for Lexi, because Ash knew that Fez would give everything to see Lexi happy, just as he would give everything to see him happy, so he kept his fucking mouth shut.
And it's not that he hated it, Lexi was good company, she liked the video games that he liked, she cooked the best noodle soup in the world and at nights when the three of them had dinner, she always said something stupid that made him forget what nerdy she could be sometimes.
It was a good life, he couldn't complain. They had no money problems, they didn't have to pay any mortgage and it seemed that they had overcome all the love problems they had at the beginning of their relationship.
At least they had.
Ashtray was a full stop.
It was December, classes were about to end and Ash was looking at tiny snowflakes falling on the window when Lexi held a cup of hot chocolate and marshmallows to his nose, this brought him out of his reverie and he took the cup thanking while the slender girl sat next to him on the couch, covering herself with the quilt that had been placed on the sofa to keep them warm.
"Is everything okay?" she inquired, aware of the frown of the boy sitting next to her. Ashtray was staring at the marshmallows in the cup, as if avoiding Lexi's scrutiny.
"I think I've never asked you how you and Fez met…" He suddenly said, hesitating on how to bring to the conversation those thoughts that had been tormenting him.
"Well, in a few days we will be celebrating six years of knowing each other." Lexi sighed smiling as she sipped her chocolate. "It was New Year's, there was a party at some guy's house, I don't even remember who it was, I was worried about my sister and I went to sit on a sofa in the house to wait for a call from her, he was there, we talked about Christmas, God, witches and kings… and I think he liked me, he asked for my number and well… I think you are aware of what followed afterwards."
Ashtray heard her talk nodding sporadically to her words, should he talk to that girl about God and witches too? He wondered and looked at Lexi in confusion when she gave him a look as if waiting for him to speak.
"What?"
"I said why you suddenly ask me that, are you sure that everything is fine, Ash?"
"Eh…yeah, yes everything is fine, it's just, I was wondering how it all started, it's great that you guys overcome all that you went through, I mean, it's great that you guys still in love or whatever…"
Lexi winced almost in surprise, pressing her lips together in an amused sneer.
" Well, if it's okay for me to say it, you know you can trust..."
"I'm in love with a girl."
"What?"
"Her name is Lily and she's a redhead, her dad owns the gas station in the outskirts of town, I don't know what's his name but I'll find out, her mom makes her stupid peanut butter jelly sandwiches and she invited me the other day, i haven't known her for too long, I only met her because of the stupid sandiwch but since that day I can't get her out of my head and whenever I'm with her I feel like I'm going to die, I have no idea what..."
"Woah woah woah! Ashtray! Jesus christ, bro you...let's just chill for a moment, breathe, that's a ton of information, I think you're feverish..."
Ashtray had started talking so fast that everything that was going through her head was told to Lexi as if that way things would be much easier to explain. Lexi placed a hand on her forehead and breathed calmly seeing that her temperature was fine.
"Now let's go back to the beginning, you were saying her name was?"
"Lily." He answered immediately, zipping his chocolate, trying to excuse his manners with that.
"Ok and she, has she shown interest in you too?" She asked again as Ash turned his gaze back to her.
"I don't know, I think so…how could I say it?"
Lexi pursed her lips, not knowing how to explain the whole flirting thing to her little brother.
"Well, I mean if when you talk she looks at you or sees you in a certain way, if she is sweet with you, if she shares something else with you apart from her sandwiches."
"Well, the other day we were talking about the music we listen to and she said that she liked what I listened to, that maybe we should hang out one day to listen to music."
"Oh, Ash, that's so sweet! You should totally go for it, maybe you can invite her to...?"
"Bloody hell no, and see how you two embarrass me in front of her during the whole dinner? There's no way, besides it's not like I'm going to introduce her just like that, we're not even dating, I can't even tell if we're friends."
"You're right, it's too rushed, maybe we should-"
"What is too rushed?" Fez asked entering the kitchen, he had been in the pub all day and always arrived at seven for dinner, Lexi had left the chocolate on the living room table while she was preparing to break the news to him.
"Ashtray has a girlfriend!"
"Lexi!"
"What the fuck?"
"It's not true, I don't have a girlfriend, heavens Lexi, I will never tell you anything again."
"Well, she's not already his girlfriend but she's about to."
"It's not like that either, I literally hate you."
Fez watched them both with a bottle of orange juice in his hands, the news had hit him like a bucket of water, Ash had never talked to him about girls or love, it was almost as if he didn't believe that Ash could feel something like that.
"Okay, okay, enough the two of you, Ash do you want to explain to me what the hell?"
"No, I have to go, I have one-"
"Date? Are you going with her now? Ash let me take you please please please!"
"Lexi, go to hell, seriously."
"Nah nah nah you're not going anywhere young man, Ashtray i'm dead serious, bring your gaddam ass right here now!"
Fezco yelled at the top of the stairs, listening as Ash slammed himself into his room while Lexi waited for the two of them in the kitchen, frowning.
"That kid's going to be the death of me, i swear to god."
Although he seemed angry, Lexi could see that Fezco seemed more jealous than upset, so she took advantage of the moment to approach him and hug him around the waist while kissing his neck.
"I'm sure he'll turn to you to talk more intimate things, love."
Fezco stroked the back of his hand with his thumb, smiling briefly as he put the bottle of juice back in the fridge.
"Lexi Howard, if I didn't love you so much, I'd be sure you wanted to steal my baby brother." He murmured as he turned to kiss the tip of her nose gently.
"You found out too late, darling." She whispered and rose on tiptoe to reach his lips with a big smile.
"What do you say this girl's name is?"