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You don’t deserve to have her as a companion.
You are a monster.
What does she see in you?
The intrusive thoughts that assaulted his brain were relentless and brutal. Leaving no stone unturned as they pulled apart every facet of his relationship with Chise.
She of all people should know you’re dangerous so, why hasn’t she left yet?
Elias couldn’t help but stare at the red-headed woman lying asleep on the adjacent couch. Her small form curled up with the stuffed bear he made her many years ago. Her breathing was steady as if she weren't purchased as property by—and betrothed to—a monster with a history of feasting on humans.
But she knew that already.
“What’s in the past is in the past,” she had told him years ago.
But it wasn’t that simple. That night after the graveyard incident, he had almost given in to his urges and consumed her. She knew this and still elected to stay with him. It had been ten years since, allowing them time to grow with and outside eachother. But his relationship with her—as much as he cherished it—was dangerous for her. His predatory urges had remained dormant, but that didn’t mean Chise would always be safe with him. He could always give in, no matter how unlikely.
But letting her go wasn’t simple either. Elias had felt her abandonment before, leaving him to fester in that icy loneliness. He had gone feral, unprepared to lose her but so afraid to hurt her.
And yet Chise would be devastated if Elias abandoned her. She finally had a stable life and people who adored her. To let her go would be cruel, no matter the selfishness of holding on.
You are a selfish bastard, his thoughts screamed at him, you can’t even muster the strength to separate yourself from her. You are little more than a parasite pretending to be human, and what a terrible job you’ve done so far.
The thoughts were too much for the old mage to handle and he let out an involuntarily sob that he quickly silenced. That was odd. He’d never cried before and the surprise momentarily distracted from his vicious inner monologue. But his chest felt tight and his brain was too loud. The room was too bright. The air was too thin.
He needed to… do something.
But what?
He needed fresh air.
He needed to walk.
He needed to disappear.
But disappearing would concern Chise.
He loved her and didn’t want to concern her.
Panting, Elias shot up from his chair and staggered to the window. He threw it open to the cool spring breeze, hoping it would soothe his senses. He felt oddly hot, and his neck pounded in time with his heartbeat. He didn’t know what came over him that moment, but his body screamed as his form twitched, threatening to fall and reveal his true horror.
That scared him even more.
“Elias?” His wife’s voice croaked groggily from behind him, “are you okay?”
“I—” Elias began but found himself struggling to find words. He heard the couch groan behind him and a pair of light footsteps approaching.
His beautiful wife wrapped her arms around his midsection and rested her head on the small of his back. He remained still as she rubbed up and down his stomach. Even through his stupor, her affection brought an involuntary purr from his throat.
You are unstable! The thoughts screamed at him, you need to get away from her before you hurt her!
“It’s okay, Elias,” Chise soothed, “I’m right here.”
Elias let himself choke out another sob as he lurched forward and hung his bony head out the window.
“I’m right here,” she repeated.
I don’t deserve such a beautiful person in my life.
They stood like that for a few more minutes, Elias shuddering and sobbing and Chise holding him tight and whispering soothing words to him.
Eventually, he was calm enough to speak again, “thank you Chise,” he whispered, “I was… getting overwhelmed.”
“I know how bad these moments can be,” she said, “what has you so overwhelmed?”
Elias made a move to turn around and she let go of him. He knelt down to her level and looked her in the eyes.
“I never wanted to hurt you, Chise,” he began to choke out, “but I’ve done just that multiple times. I know you said it was in the past but what if I do it again?”
“Then we’ll work through it,” Chise soothed, “like we always do.”
Elias’ head hung lower as he contemplated his next words carefully. Lifting his head up he spoke again, “that’s not what I meant.”
Chise looked puzzled. “Then, what do you mean?”
“That night after we found Ruth,” he began, “when I almost—”
Another sob choked from his throat and he stopped to collect himself.
“When I almost ate you,” he finally managed to get out, “I lost control of myself. I don’t want to do that again. Not with you near.”
“I know,” she said, raising a hand to caress his skull. He leaned into her warm touch and gently sobbed again.
“I don’t want to make a mistake one day and kill or maim you in the process,” he cried, “but I also don’t want you to leave! Some days it feels like I can’t have both. Not for long...”
Her free hand touched the other side of his skull and pulled him close. Elias fought to look at her as she landed a kiss between his eyes.
At that moment his body felt like jelly and collapsed right into her arms. Though he was twice her size, she still supported his weight without issue.
The mighty Pilum Muralis was reduced to a weeping and quivering mess in his wife’s arms in a matter of minutes but he never felt safer anywhere else.
“I know it’s scary, Elias,” Chise whispered thickly, tears threatening to fall from her own eyes, “but I’m still here with you. You have many wonderful qualities, so you just have to trust me when I say that I love you and will never leave you.”
“But what if—” Elias began before falling short. What could he say?
“I know you think you’re a monster but you aren’t,” she comforted, “looks aren’t everything, you know?”
“But if I were ever to lose control again—” she cut him off.
“Then I got this,” she held up her cursed black arm for him to see, “but it won’t ever come to that. You know why?”
“Why,” Elias looked at her questioningly. Even without any facial muscles to speak of, she could see nothing but love and adoration whenever he looked at her, which only made her more confident in her assertion.
“Because you’re my husband,” she smiled and rubbed her cursed thumb under his eye socket, “from now until the end of time.”
Elias sobbed and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close like his life depended on it. Chise rubbed wide circles into his back and whispered soothing praises to him. She really was beautiful inside and out and he believed it with all his heart. It only took moments like this to show just how much he could take her company for granted sometimes.
He may not deserve her but here she was anyway.
He might be a monster, but she embraced him in her small, strong arms.
He might not know what she saw in him, but she always looked with tender eyes.
She was his and he was hers. As long as Chise wanted to be with him, Elias would cherish everything—because she was his everything.
His human teacher.
His friend.
His lover.
She was beautiful in every way and so he would do his best to be beautiful, no matter his appearance.
“I love you, Elias,” she whispered.
He slowly pulled away from her and held a gloved hand to her cheek, establishing eye contact as he said, “I love you too, Chise.”