Work Text:
“Dr. Hosokawa, thank you for your hard work today.”
Right after hearing the assistant nurse’s voice, Haruka looked up to the clock, which showed his shift had already ended. He patted his blouse, removed it, folded it in half, put it over his arms and grabbed his bag, preparing to get home. But right when he reached the hallways, Midori appeared, beaming to him.
“I hate his smile.” - Haruka thought.
He was about to look away when Midori started to talk. There’s no way out now so he had to try to put up with it.
“Haruka-kun! It’s so hard to see you in the hospital because our departments are different right?”
“Do you need to meet me, Midori-sensei?”
“Ah, just to catch up, but I think you don’t really need i-”
“Yes.”
“Uh, Haruka-”
Midori sighed, watching Haruka briskly walking towards the elevator. He already knew Haruka was kind of distant and cold, but what harm could a friendly normal conversation cause? That’s so confusing…
“Midori-sensei, did you just meet Haruka-kun?” Akabane approached Midori when he saw Midori walking past him.
“Haruka always ignores me, it’s so irritating to stay in the same department with him!”
“Well, with his personality, I couldn’t do anything too.
“That brocon, only his brother at Toy Gun Gun could manage him. Ah, but speaking about Haruki…
“Just… sympathize with him. Both Haruka and Toy Gun Gun are having a hard time.”
The conversation soon died down, the hospital was getting quieter, at least near their place.
***
Right after putting his shoes on the shelf and closing the door, the crestfallen face Haruka put up all day had become a bright smile.
“Nii-san! I’m home!”
Just a thought about Haruki could make his twin tremble with emotions. His obsessive thoughts about his dear brother had been filling up Haruka’s mind when he returned to their shared place after Haruki graduated. They worked together, him as a doctor, his brother as an intern, and everyone in the hospital knew them. Haruka quickly discarded his stuff on the sofa in the living room, running fast towards another door in the house.
“Nii-san… You are here…”
The room was a standard bedroom with a bed for two. In the corner stood a working desk enough for one pile of medical books without a ray of light. Haruka turned on the lamp beside the book piles, his face couldn’t hide his over joyful emotions waiting to jump out.
“Haruki…”
The light was dim but it’s enough to light up everywhere, enough to see his twin’s pictures all around the place. Pictures of every angle, every size, not even two are alike had been carefully placed on the whole wall by Haruka. Each one of them was from Haruka’s phone, which he always brought along to secretly snap pictures of his brother most of the time. The younger brother satisfiedly walked to the cupboard right next to his bed, taking out a purple jacket and hugged it tightly, dropping himself on the mattress.
“Nii-san, I’m tired. I’m sleeping for a while, Nii-san…”
Haruka whispered while inhaling the fragrant smell of fabric softener from the jacket, hands smoothing down the folds of cotton, enjoying the relaxed feeling after a day of long work. Everything that belongs to his brother belongs to him too, Haruka decided it was a natural thing, and thus he must keep this safe and sound. He slowly fell asleep, his lips curling to a soft smile, still holding tightly onto the jacket.
***
Haruka slowly woke up when the clock struck later than midnight. He looked up at the ceiling with soulless eyes. His sleep these days was not even close to dreaming, but he couldn’t call it fully awake. Haruka slept but he felt like he didn’t, his eyebags starting to show, even highlighting how miserable he was. He carefully put the jacket away and went outside to look for something that could fill his stomach. Everything from now on was no different from a bare need for survival - no feelings, happiness, or enjoyment existed.
Since Haruki left, Haruka didn’t want anything. His life’s only light vanished, leaving no trace on the world. Quickly finishing everything and returning to his peaceful spot, the cold and lonely feeling of the night was so different from when Haruka just arrived home. His current work was the only thing for him to temporarily forget his pain. If he didn’t have to work, he could only lie down in his room, reminiscing about the memories of him, his brother, his Haruki.
Haruka thought of Haruki as his life, but why did he fall into these painful situations? Every time he left him, Haruka could still go and search for him, but this time was the first and only time he was powerless. Haruka was now totally lonely in his life, but his mind was torture endlessly while enduring the grief for his brother. He blamed himself for not being able to stay next to Haruki, or to take care of him. All his scoldings, from now on Haruka could never ever hear them again.
His secretly harbored feelings would never reach him.
“Tomorrow I have a day off, I will be beside you all day, Nii-san.”
“Nii-san, Nii-san, Nii-san…”
“Nii-san…”
“Haruki…”
“I want to go and search for you so much. Even if every night you always come to me in my dreams but I want more… I want to touch you… I want to hug you…”
“But…but…when I hug this jacket, it’s like Haruki hugging me, but why are you so cold…”
“I am really worried for you…so…so if I couldn’t take it anymore, I will find you. I promise…”
“Nii-san, do you know? I only have a brother…the only one brother for me on Earth…”
“I..love you… love you so much, Haruki…”
His trembling voice became more and more uncontrollable, Haruka tiredly hugged his knees, sobbing on and on. The day that he got away was as fresh as the memories yesterday.
Until Haruka’s eyes were puffy red and no tears were left to cry, he sat there and looked at what’s left of his twin brother, silently feeling the dryness in his throat and the pain from his broken heart.
***
“HaruHaruki has died for almost one year, right…?”
“If I remember it correctly.”
“We can spend our time today to visit his twin brother from Hoshishiro. After all, he’s Haruki’s relative.”
“When Haruki started to be a doctor, they’ve always been together, so different from the past. They are totally inseparable.”
“Well, they are twins.”