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Yuri finds himself in an impossible situation.
He hasn't seen Byleth since their mission at the chapel, since... since Jeralt was killed. Something about Monica had rubbed him the wrong way, but to have his suspicions confirmed like this...
He hasn't seen Byleth in a week—no one has, really. Yuri heard that he's even been dodging the archbishop's summons. He's the only person who could manage that, Yuri thinks, and only because Rhea has a strange soft spot for him.
Yuri hasn't seen Byleth in a week, so when Balthus peeks around the corner of the entrance to their makeshift classroom and says, "Boy toy's here," Yuri's heart leaps into his throat.
He clears it. "He's not my anything, Balthus. And if he wants to talk to me, he will."
Balthus doesn't look convinced. "Whatever you say. I got a hot date so I'm heading out for the night, tell the girls not to wait up."
"I don't know where you got the idea that they ever would," Yuri mutters. Balthus's responding laugh bounces up the corridor as he turns to leave.
Now that he's gone, though, Yuri feels jittery. Byleth is in Abyss, which isn't strange, he visits a lot. But after their meeting in the Goddess Tower the night of the ball, Yuri isn't sure what to say to him.
It played in his head for hours after, the look on Byleth's face when he said "I didn't know I was looking for you until I found you," and the sickening way it made Yuri's heart flutter. He hasn't seen Byleth since Jeralt died and now he's here and Yuri doesn't know what he wants. It can't be as simple as he makes it but Yuri can't come up with any other reason as to why Byleth would say the things he said, if he didn't mean them.
It's too late now. He chastises himself for the sudden and childish urge to hide and fixes himself at the desk at the front of the room and tries to look busy. He is busy. These reports won't read themselves.
Footsteps echo up the hall and then Byleth is in the doorway and Yuri can't stop himself from glancing up at him, just to see, and he regrets it.
His eyes are red, like he's been crying. Of course he's been crying. If anything happened to his mother, Goddess forbid, he'd be crying too.
Still. Yuri doesn't expect the sight to make his chest constrict.
"Hello," he says, and he doesn't sound any different but Yuri's heart aches for him all the same, as much as he doesn't want it to.
"I'm—" He doesn't want to apologize, but they're the first words on his tongue. Byleth deserves more than that. So instead he just says, "Hi."
Byleth perches on the edge of the desk, one arm grasping the other like a plea for comfort that Yuri can't, he can't, provide.
He puts his quill down, at least.
"Jeralt... Jeralt raised you, yeah?" he asks, his voice softer than he cares to admit. "He was all you had... You must be feeling a lot right now."
Byleth's hand tightens around his elbow but he says nothing so Yuri does it for him.
"When a parent dies, it really leaves a mark, so... feel what you need to feel, no matter how that looks." Before he even really registers it he's reaching out and putting his hand over Byleth's. "Just know that you will get past this, even if it feels impossible right now. I believe in you, friend."
Byleth's gaze is fixed on Yuri's hand over his, but then he meets his gaze and nods, just a little, and he murmurs, "Thank you."
It's terrifying how easily Yuri could lose himself to this, how quickly his heart is beating. He clears his throat and pulls his hand away. "But I'm sure you didn't come here just to talk about that, yeah?"
His face flushes a little. Oh, Yuri's in trouble. "Actually, I was wondering if you would like to join me for tea this afternoon," he asks.
"Tea?" Of course his first instinct is to say yes. He doesn't. Byleth is grieving and Yuri still hasn't figured out his angle yet—hell, he doesn't even know if there is an angle. There must be, there always is. Byleth is grieving and Yuri—he can't be some sort of rebound. He doesn't want this to be a rebound. "I... can't. Sorry, friend. Abyss can't run itself."
What little light had been in Byleth's eyes fades and he looks away. "Right, of course. My apologies for disturbing you. I'll let you get on with your work, then."
He turns to go and Yuri clenches his jaw against the dangerous urge to call him back.
Another week passes.
The only contact Yuri has had with Byleth is in the classroom—the few times he had a moment to spare for a lecture or a seminar—and in passing at the dining hall. They haven't eaten together—hell, they haven't eaten together since before the ball, before—
Goddess, before everything changed.
Yuri is loath to admit that he misses him but damn it, he does. And every one of his friends knows it, which just makes it even worse. Luckily Constance—in her own words—'has better things to do' than talk to him about it, but Hapi and Balthus sure don't.
Well. At least Balthus tries to be nice about it. Hapi... not so much.
"Just talk to him, Yuri-bird. This isn't like you."
Yuri doesn't even look up from his paperwork. "Unless you want to deal with these reports yourself, I'd suggest you find something better to do than bothering me."
She crosses her arms. "I'll take care of the reports if you go talk to him."
Yuri lets out a long sigh. "Hapi—"
He's cut off by the sound of laughter down the hall. Hapi frowns and turns to look over her shoulder just as Constance rounds the corner into the room.
"What's wrong with you?" Yuri asks flatly.
Constance fully ignores him, turning instead to Hapi to explain the joke. "I've heard tell of a very special visitor to Abyss. It seems time has run out for the mockingbird to make up his mind!" She punctuates this with another laugh.
Yuri stands, almost involuntarily. "I'm not here."
Hapi glares at him, linking her arm through Constance's. "Yes you are. Come on, Coco. Let's go to the tavern."
No sooner have they left the room than Byleth enters it, watching the two of them leave for a moment before his gaze shifts to Yuri, who's... still standing.
The smile that immediately settles on his face leaves Yuri's stomach in knots. He wants to scream. He settles for saying hello.
"Am I interrupting?" he asks, his eyes drifting down to the papers scattered across his desk, the inkwell that's teetering dangerously close to the edge. He nudges it back into place with a finger and for some reason Yuri is overwhelmed by the gesture.
"Not really," he says, which isn't what he wants to say, he wants to say "Yes, of course, everything about you is so damn distracting." Instead he clears his throat, gathers up the papers, and pushes the stack to the side of the desk. "What brings you to Abyss, friend?"
Even that, calling him friend, feels weird, strained, like Yuri should call him something else. Friend is safe. Friend is arm's length. It's not enough but it has to be.
Byleth opens his mouth and then hesitates; Yuri finds himself waiting with bated breath. Byleth doesn't seem to notice, which is good, he has to remind himself.
"I was just wondering if you would like to have tea?" It comes out like a question, like he's unsure, and Yuri can't recall if that's how he's always asked or if it's just because he's been rejected and then he has to bite his cheek to remind himself that it doesn't matter.
Byleth takes his silence as rejection—which is good, that's a good thing, even if right now Yuri can't quite remember why—and continues, sounding a little flustered now, "It—it's okay if you're busy, I get it. Maybe... maybe some other time."
"Sorry," Yuri says, once his tongue remembers how to work, "Lots of paperwork to sort through. You know how it is."
Byleth doesn't quite look at him, but he nods and scuffs his boot a little against the floor. "Of course. I should be getting back to my own paperwork, as well. I'll..." He hesitates again. "I'll see you in class."
He turns to leave and then stops with a slightly surprised, "Oh," like he's just remembered something important, and he turns back around and pulls a feather out of his pocket. "I found it on the way down here and thought you might like it, so. Here."
It's just an owl feather. Brown, white at the edge. He's gotten a dozen of them from Byleth before. Yuri takes the feather from him delicately, trying not to let emotion seep into his voice when he says, "You really know what I like, don't you?"
Byleth just shrugs, and then he turns to leave and Yuri's eyes burn. He twirls the feather once, twice, and then Byleth reaches the doorway and something like panic grips him, tight and terrifying and big, so so big.
"Wait!" he says, and Byleth stops. Turns, a question in his eyes. "I... I think the paperwork can wait."
He hates the way his heart pounds when Byleth smiles at him. He gently lays the feather on his desk before he leaves, and when they run into Hapi and Constance on their way back from the tavern they say nothing but they don't need to. Yuri fucking knows.