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Gram woke up to the sound of the window slamming closed.
He jumped up, eyes bleary and mind hazy for just long enough that he almost forgot to be annoyed at the sight of Black glaring at him in his space again. It didn’t last long, though, and he thought of all the times recently he’d been ignored or bailed on for seemingly no reason over and over. All the times after missions that he didn’t come back to his dorm with him and lay in bed with him for the night. He thought of the lack of care on his face when he found out he’d kissed Eugene. How stupid he’d been to convince himself that Black, the most cold-hearted bitch of the century, actually gave a shit about what anyone did. Even stupider to think that maybe, maybe, his feelings would be reciprocated.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Gram bit out, blinking hard to try to wake himself up more. He was done pretending like he hadn’t been dropped by the person he’d spent every day with for years . It was like Black woke up one day and decided he was tired of being near him. Well, Gram could play that game.
“What’d I say about locking your windows? You’re going to get your ass kicked one day,” Black said, voice deep and dry.
And when he spoke it was almost like whiplash. Gram felt like he was being hit with it, and yet he was frozen at the sound. He couldn’t move or speak as he watched Black.
Black walked closer, maintaining eye contact like he used to do when they were alone and yet hadn’t done in weeks.
“Needed to get the fuck away from them. Everyone’s gotten stupid,” Black said, stepping until there wasn’t much space between them at all. It was the first time in a long time that Black had willingly entered his space like this. Gram’s lips parted, unable to keep himself in check. “What about you? Have you gotten worse too or are you where I left you?”
Where I left you.
“Where have you been?” Gram said softly and it wasn’t really something he planned to say out loud. Black had never left. His Black, however, the one that stood close and spoke to him in a way that made him feel like he was the only one on the planet had been gone for a while. The Black that looked at him like this, so intensely, like he never wanted to look away and the Black that made his heart feel like it was going to burst out of his chest and the Black that let Gram touch him as much as he pleased without repercussion and the Black that touched him right back. Where had he been?
And why did it hurt so much that he was showing up now? Why did it feel so cruel?
“I’m back now,” Black answered. Gram stared into his eyes like he’d done countless times before, swallowing hard. Black was seeing right through him, seeing some part of him that had been neglected for weeks.
Gram looked away, his mind racing. He was still half asleep, but even if he was fully awake he didn’t think he could process this. He didn’t understand why Black had acted like he didn’t give a shit about him for so long if he was just going to break into his room and act like they hadn’t changed? They had changed. They weren’t like they were before. That was irrefutable. And maybe he was being petty about it and the part of him that was stupid in love with Black had taken over‒but even so, even in the worst of times, Black was his best friend and even a best friend like Black didn’t excuse the way he had ignored him.
“I asked out Eugene,” Gram said instead.
There was silence, so silent Gram wasn’t sure either of them were breathing. He didn’t look at him no matter how badly he wanted to. If he looked at him and saw any hint of annoyance, he might forgive him and forget everything. He’d fucked up his friendship with Eugene though, so he wasn’t going to just give up.
“So you did go fucking stupid,” Black said, low and steady. He didn’t ask what Eugene said. Gram was very desperate to know what he thought she said. Maybe Black knew it would be outright rejection. “She doesn't need to be involved with this shit."
Gram furrowed his eyebrows and looked back to him despite his best effort. Black was staring at him and his face was blank, but his fists were clenched by his side. Gram's mind swirled with confusion. So he did care. Cared enough that it pissed him off. Gram just couldn't tell if he was pissed on behalf of Eugene or just in general.
"What shit?" Gram asked. He wanted to piss him off more. He wanted a reaction.
Black tilted his head in that way that scared people, he'd seen it in action. Despite his size and despite the few times people thought he was all talk, the moment he tilted his head they knew he wasn't.
"Do you think what we do comes with no consequences? Do you think no one knows who we are and wants to shut us up?" Black asked, voice even despite his words. Gram swallowed. "If you have a deathwish, fine, you're in it. She isn't."
"So you still care about her," Gram said. What about me , he didn't say.
Black narrowed his eyes at him, his jaw clenching. He was angry. It felt good to see him angry. It was the first something he'd seen in so long.
"You don’t know shit," Black said, but it sounded like you're weak, “You’re gonna get both of you killed. You think getting shot at was a one time thing? Try again.”
“You mad?” Gram asked, jutting his chin out a little bit. Black breathed out a heavy breath, but the tension in his jaw never left and his fists never unclenched. “Okay. Hit me.”
Black had never hit him for real before. Never on accident, never on purpose, never during sparring. He always stopped before he landed an actual punch when they were sparing, just enough to show that Gram needed to work harder. Every time that happened, it made Gram feel special. Now he just wanted him to hit him, wanted to show some kind of emotion, wanted him to maybe end whatever Gram had running through his mind once and for all.
However, when Black raised his hand and Gram readied himself for the blow, it never came. Instead his hand went to Gram's neck, settling in where it fit best as Black's thumb stroked the length of his jaw. Gram's lips parted and this time he knew he wasn't breathing. He couldn't remember the last time Black touched him like this. It was like still being punched in the face, only with the fact that he was stupidly in love with Black and that wouldn't even go away when Black barely acknowledged him for weeks.
"Where have you been ?" Gram asked again, this time on purpose and they both heard it. He couldn't manage to uphold his anger when Black was touching him again and look at him with those intense eyes he'd missed so much. He hadn't realized how much he liked the feeling of Black's eyes on him, the way they seemed to always be on him even when other people were there, and his heart ached at the prospect of losing it again.
"There's someone after me, but they'll have to kill me all the way next time," Black said. Gram's eyebrows pulled together and he moved closer until they were chest to chest.
"What are you talking about?" Gram asked, his fingers wrapping around Black's wrist. For the first time in weeks, he didn't feel like his touch would be rejected.
Black held eye contact with him, not answering his question as his other hand went to Gram's hip. He pulled him in so they were touching there too. Sirens were blaring in Gram's head, excitement and panic and confusion and worry all at once.
"I'll tell you," Black said, slow and deliberate, "But I need you to understand something. I've got someone after me. We keep Eugene alive by keeping her out of this. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Gram said, nodding, and maybe he was pathetic for that, but his heart was too busy trying to burst out of his chest, "She…rejected me anyway."
"Because maybe all of you are fucking morons, but she isn't," Black said simply, his thumb softening his words against his jaw, "You're in this though. There is no keeping you out."
"Yeah, there isn't," Gram affirmed. Black rolled his eyes, but even that was more affectionate than he'd been in forever.
Black's thumb hooked on his chin and pulled him down just a little. It was enough to feel Black's breath on his face and those eyes– fuck .
"He's going to have to kill me to get to you," Black said, quiet and deliberate. Chills shot down Gram's spine and his stomach was in knots.
"Black…"
Their eyes stayed locked even from this close and Gram could see, for the first time, hesitation in him. He looked conflicted. Scared, almost. That in itself was one of the most terrifying things he'd ever seen. Black wasn't scared of anything. And yet.
"What's going on? There's more, isn't there? Tell me. I can help, okay, I'm sorry for being stupid and reckless, but I can help. We can figure it out," Gram said. If the Gram from twenty minutes ago saw him now, he'd call him weak. Now, though, he just wanted to make that look in his eyes go away. He wanted to solve all his problems. He wanted to lay in bed and having an unspoken staring contest until they fell asleep. He wanted to wake up in the middle of the night to see Black sleeping, comfortable enough with him to be unguarded. He wanted to protect him even though he wasn't sure he could do anything Black couldn't do himself. "I'm not going anywhere if you don't go anywhere. Or I'll fucking follow you, I don't care."
Black stared at him, never breaking eye contact as he led him down just a little more by the chin. He tilted Gram's head to the side just a little and then paused. They both breathed, millimeters away and staring and–
And then he was being kissed.
Black's lips were unexpectedly soft, but he kissed him with the same intensity that he stared at him. Slow, delibate, deep. Gram couldn't think straight through any of it. He tasted fresh, like he'd just brushed his teeth in preparation, and the thought was just that much more exhilarating–which was saying something because this was already a lot.
When the kiss ended, Black didn't move very far, rubbing his thumb over Gram's cheek. Gram felt hazy and overwhelmed. He'd wanted to do that for a long time.
"I've wanted to do that for a long time," Gram said. Black squeezed his hip which felt like a me too and Gram thought he might die.
"I'll tell you everything," Black said against his mouth, "But not right now."
Gram nodded as minutely as possible, not wanting to move and break the warm haze he was in. He knew he caved too easily, but shit. Fuck.
"Gram," Black said. Gram hummed in acknowledgment, high on hearing him say his name in that tone of voice he'd missed. "I'm sorry. For whatever the fuck has been going on."
Gram's eyes opened wide and he stared at him. He'd never heard anything close to an apology out of Black's mouth. This was weird–but somehow more normal than he'd been in weeks.
"Are you high?" Gram asked. Black squeezed his hip again and then pinched his skin. Gram's heart continued racing.
"I'm tired," Black said, "And I don't know what the fuck he did, but it pissed you off so I'm getting that out of the way."
"What do you mean?" Gram asked, finally getting his brain to move enough to get his hands on Black. He dragged his hands up and down his sides beneath his jacket. He had more questions, but he didn't want to push when Black already said he'd tell him.
Their eyes were still locked and Gram's veins felt like split wires, body igniting at the attention. Now that he knew he had the option for more without making it weird, he wanted that too. He wanted it all.
"I have a brother," Black said, slipping his hand beneath Gram's shirt. The warmth of his hand on his bare skin was a direct contrast of his cold tone. "He's the one that pissed you off. You're both fucking morons."
Gram froze. "What?"
"I got jumped. He thought it would be smart to step in," Black said as if that was enough information. Gram let out a breath, his mind going over every time he'd felt disconnected from Black in the last few weeks. All the times he felt ignored and like he was a burden. All the times he all but begged for attention and didn't get it.
That wasn't Black.
Gram's hands went to his neck and he pulled him into a kiss that was much more desperate than the first. Black didn't seem to mind, kissing him back and matching him at every mark. It was messy and he was pressing in hard enough that it almost hurt, but he didn't want to pull back. He had been gone, it wasn't him, he didn't hurt him.
Black huffed a breath out of his nose as Gram pulled back to breathe, resting his forehead against his and just holding him close. He had so many questions and his mind was racing, but, honestly, he really only cared that Black was back.
Hand still under Gram's shirt, Black walked him back one step at a time until his legs hit his bed and he sat down. He looked up at Black, unable to look away for even a second.
"You kissed me," Gram said out loud, mind without fail circling back to that very important event, "You kissed me because you missed me. You want me."
And Black–he smiled. It was a small, just a miniscule quirk of his lips, but it was there and Gram's own smile completely took over his face. Black was home and he kissed him and he was smiling at him.
"Yeah," Black said. And Gram smiled wider, pulling Black down to kiss him again.
However, that bliss lasted maybe a few second before reality began to set in. Black didn't apologize or admit things like that. And as sure as he was that this was his Black, despite the brother situation, it did worry him.
"Black," Gram said, pulling back just a little, "Something bad's coming, isn't it?"
Black ran his fingers through his hair, breaking eye contact for the first time that wasn't for kidding purposes. He tucked Gram's hair behind his ear. He couldn't get enough of it, especially from someone he'd seen take out four men twice his size. His hand went back to Gram's chin and he gave him a kiss that was so careful and soft, it was almost jarring.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Black said against his mouth. Something told Gram that that had everything to do with his previous promise to tell him everything just. Not now.
Right now, Black was tired. He looked like he'd been run over, even if he was cleaner than usual, and the ever present bruising was clear on his arms and his face. A deeper look and it wasn't hard to see that he was exhausted. He was blinking and his breathing felt off somehow, like it was taking up too much effort to even do that. Gram wondered where he'd been and what all had happened that resulted in him actually leaving. But he would save the questions for later.
Gram was more than happy to distract him right now.
"Okay," Gram said, reaching up pat his head and run his fingers through his hair, "Then stay the night with me."
Black nodded and knelt between his thighs as he went in for another kiss. If this is what it could've been like, Gram would've kissed him a long time ago. Instead he made up for everything that he'd missed by rubbing up and down his sides and pulling him in closer, kissing him deep and deliberate.
“I missed you,” Gram said into his mouth, wrapping his arms around him completely, “I needed you to be you again.”
Black fingers slid into his hair and got a grip on it, firm and unmistakably him. Gram’s eyes fluttered closed.
“I’m back,” Black said, “And I’m not going anywhere.”
And Gram was finally able to breathe.