Chapter Text
No one remembers the second person who stepped on the surface of the moon. Well, technically, some people do know it was Buzz Aldrin– the point Chanhee was trying to drive home as he threw his bag on the floor before collapsing in on himself beside it, was that being second is literally the worst thing to ever happen to anyone.
He read somewhere before that bronze medalists are way much happier than their silver medalist counterparts, all because these bronze winners were just happy to even get in the top. Meanwhile, the silver medalists were almost gold. They were almost the very best. Almost.
Chanhee has felt like that for most of his self-proclaimed miserable life. As a middle child, he lived in the shadow of his eldest brother– Choi Chiwon, who was always top of his class, athletic, good-looking, heterosexual, et cetera… basically everything Chanhee’s parents wanted in a child. He also could never rise to the occasion of where Chiwon lacked because of his younger sister Chulmin, who was beautiful, out-going, sociable; everything that Chanhee was not.
He felt like a ghost in his own house while growing up, only further proven when his parents held Chulmin’s 18th birthday party and forgot to introduce Chanhee as their child. It wasn’t really painful at that point anymore, just plain embarrassing when some eyes did turn towards him sitting quietly in a corner. Still, Chanhee didn’t want to live in the shadows forever.
That night, he packed what little possessions he had and walked out of his parents’ house. No one looked for him, there weren’t any messages for him. Chanhee shrugged it off and worked part-time jobs, saving up enough for living expenses while he went through college with a scholarship.
When he walked alone on stage to receive his diploma and highest honors award, Chanhee felt proud of himself for the first time in his life. He was the only one without a parent during the awarding, but his smile was the brightest among all other graduates. Chanhee had thought that maybe, finally, people could see his worth.
He did have some friends, those who stayed with him all throughout high school and college. Ji Changmin, Kim Younghoon, Bae Joonyoung. Chanhee was thankful for them, though he really thought that they just took in this sad loner out of pity. He never voiced his insecurities, he never did– no one but himself knew how much emotional baggage he was carrying.
And then came Han Kibum. Tall, handsome, perfect Han Kibum. Chanhee couldn’t believe it when he somehow got together with Kibum, even if his friends kept telling him how much of a douchebag Kibum was. Chanhee could actually see their points, but he was so deprived of love that Chanhee couldn’t help but suck up every last bit of affection Kibum was giving.
Until that afternoon, when Chanhee came to Kibum’s office to surprise him with snacks. He had opened the door amidst the secretary’s objections, only to see his boyfriend with his pants around his ankles and a hand wound up in a woman’s hair. Kibum kept eye contact with a horrified Chanhee even as the woman continued to suck him in.
She’s better with her mouth than you are.
There is a theoretical breaking point in every person’s life, and Chanhee had honestly thought that he was past that. He thought nothing more could break him at that point.
It was a miracle how he managed to get home in one piece when he was in a daze, chest feeling empty because his heart might have already gone and left him because it can’t take any more pain. Suddenly, the life Chanhee had built for himself over the past few years seemed… nothing. Even to the person who mattered the most to him, Chanhee was still second.
His phone rang, taking his attention away from his diploma hanging on the wall. Chanhee glanced at the caller ID and realized Younghoon had been trying to call him several times already. He quickly swiped to answer, not even able to say hi because Younghoon’s excited scream greeted him almost immediately.
“You finally picked up! What took so long?”
“Oh, I–”
“We’re still good to go on Friday, right?”
Chanhee’s head whipped towards the calendar by the door. Friday. Their little friend group has been planning on going out-of-town to celebrate Joonyoung’s return from Canada after three years. It was meant as a happy weekend getaway, but all Chanhee wanted to do after the recent happenings in his life was to sulk and stay in bed.
“Hyung, I don’t think I can go.” Chanhee manages to say after a moment.
The line went silent after that. “What?” Younghoon sounded baffled and offended, even. “Why not? We’ve been planning this for literal months, Chanhee. Joonyoung’s finally back from overseas– are you not even excited to see him?”
A phantom hand closed itself around Chanhee’s throat, and he only managed to stutter, “N-no. I mean, I am happy that he’s back but–”
“Forget it. You always do this.” Younghoon sighed.
Chanhee couldn’t let him hear the sob that was threatening to escape his mouth, so he hurriedly ended the call. His phone fell out of his grasp as he slowly sank to the floor, feeling utterly helpless and alone once again. There were no tears though, only dry sobs as Chanhee tried to feel around him, collecting his pieces as best as he could.
His phone was still ringing, Younghoon was still trying to reach him. Maybe to scold him even more or nag, Chanhee didn’t know. All he did know was that he was feeling the exact way he did on Chulmin’s 18th birthday.
Chanhee bit his lip, holding onto a nearby chair to stand up, and stomped on his phone with all his might. The screen cracked on the first attempt, but the LCD was still on and showed Younghoon’s caller ID. Chanhee clenched his fists and kept stomping, bringing his foot down heavier each time until the screen was black and pieces of the screen protector were scattered on the soft carpet.
He was never an athlete, but Chanhee liked running.
It felt freeing, giving some fresh air back into his lungs. Chanhee knew it was an illusion, and that he could never be fully free from the chains holding him back because his insecurities were a part of him no matter what he did. Still, it was what Chanhee knew he was good at. Running away.
Chanhee pulled out a small travel bag from under his bed, stuffed it with as many personal items as he could carry, and zipped it shut. The sky outside was turning dark as the sun set, casting a shadow on Chanhee and the studio apartment he had been living in for the past years. It all felt so hollow and choking.
A framed photo of him with his friends during their high school graduation was smiling at him from the dresser. He remembered that day clearly, mostly because his parents conveniently forgot to show up so Changmin’s parents had to be the one to pin his salutatorian medals on him. The smile he wore in the photo was probably the fakest one Chanhee had worn.
He moved to place the frame down.
With a small sigh, Chanhee hoisted his bag and left his apartment. As he dropped his keys into the mailbox with his last monthly payment, Chanhee glanced up at the sky outside the window.
The sky was a whole lot darker than usual.
“The forecast didn’t say it was going to rain today.”
“Juyeon, the weatherman isn’t always accurate.”
Juyeon frowned at the darkening sky, then at his friends. Jaehyun was still eating some donuts straight from the box Juyeon had handed the sweets in, and Hyungseo was already digging in his own bag for an umbrella before they head home. Hyungseo apparently gave up a moment later, snatching the box from his boyfriend and forcing him to stand up.
“Are you sure you guys will be okay? It looks like it’s about to pour hard.” Juyeon asked again, opening the door of the cafe for them. “It’s hard to drive on slippery roads, right?”
“I appreciate your concern, dude.” Hyungseo smiled, pushing Jaehyun towards their car. “But if Jaehyun stays for another minute in your cafe, he’s going to eat everything. Yes, even the counter, don’t test him.”
“The donuts are so good! They will be a guaranteed bestseller, Juyeon.” Jaehyun cheers, letting himself be dragged around. “I mean, there’s something missing in them. I can’t pin-point exactly what it is, but it’s like… how do I say this…”
“We’ll drive safely. You should close up now.” Hyungseo smiles through the pain as his boyfriend continues to prattle on. Juyeon could only laugh at them before they did drive away, leaving him alone to stare at the sky in confusion. It was summer, surely that meant no rain… so, what was going on?
Deciding there was literally nothing he could do to stop a storm anyway, Juyeon headed back into his cafe. It was a small space, only able to hold up to twenty customers at the maximum, but Juyeon was immensely proud of it. He had dropped out of college when he was about to graduate engineering, much to everyone’s surprise– and his mother’s disappointment– to pursue his dream of baking.
His parents, though confused at the sudden turn around, still helped him set up his little cafe in one corner of Seoul. Business was admittedly bad at first, but word about this amazing pastry center got out after a few months, and Juyeon had been comfortably living his best life since then. He usually just manages his cafe, taking a few catering side jobs if he’s bored, but the best part was that he was his own boss.
It totally beat any office job Juyeon was sure to land if he did continue with his degree.
The first drops of rain were heavy and loud as Juyeon started to mop the floors, humming to himself to drown out the loud drumming of precipitation. He rubbed at a particularly stubborn coffee stain on the tiles, noting to himself that he should have a word with Sunwoo about quickly cleaning up messes so they won’t stain.
Though filled with lights, the whole cafe still lit up with white light as lightning struck. The thunder that followed reverberated on the ground, almost like an earthquake, and Juyeon went to roll the shutters down to protect the glass walls of his establishment.
Then, he saw a person just standing in the rain across the street. The man was completely wet, along with what seemed like his bag, but he didn’t seem to have any plans of moving towards shelter or away from the rain. He was almost blending into the downpour with how gloomy he seemed.
Grabbing an umbrella from the bin by the door, Juyeon quickly rushed out towards the man. He admittedly struggled with opening the damn contraption, so he was also a bit wet when he reached the stranger, who was still standing like a statue and staring at the puddles on the street.
“Hi? Are you okay? Do you want to come in for a bit?” Juyeon asked, lightly touching the man’s shoulder. “Being out in the rain might make you sick. I’m closed for the day, but you can come and stay until the rain is over. I’m Juyeon, by the way. I own that cafe across the street.”
The man finally looked up at him after a while, as if only hearing him. Juyeon was blown away almost immediately by how beautiful the man looked. His eyes were a dark brown in color, with some dark circles underneath, and it seemed like they were just dark, not reflecting any light at all. He was also worryingly pale, with his plump lips pulled together in a natural pout.
Shit. Juyeon should probably stop staring if he didn’t want to come off as creepy.
“It’s okay. You might get sick if you stay out here too.” the man told him in a quiet voice.
“Yeah, exactly. That’s what I’m saying! You’re going to get sick–” Juyeon pulled the man back a bit as a car rushed by, threatening to splash them as it raced through puddles. “Jesus, who drives that fast in zero visibility weather? C’mon, let’s get you inside.”
The man surprisingly let himself be dragged into the cafe, though he only stayed at the entrance with his bag.
“You were mopping. I’ll just get the floors wet.”
“I don’t care about that. Please sit here.” Juyeon held out a chair by the counter, shaking his head to get rid of excess water. The umbrella he brought earlier was a bit small for two grown men, and Juyeon shielded the man with it more than he did himself. “I’ll make you some hot chocolate… uh, what’s your name?”
“Chanhee.” The man took small, tentative steps towards the chair. “Choi Chanhee.”
“Okay, thank you for telling me that, Chanhee.” Juyeon smiled, patting the radiator on the counter that he kept in case of emergencies. “You can sit here and warm yourself up. I still have a bit of the chocolate from today, so it will be fast to warm it up for you. Tell me if you need anything else.”
Chanhee looked even smaller when he did sit down on the chair, and with the glances Juyeon could steal from the kitchen, the other man was slightly shivering and making no move to turn the radiator on. It seemed like Chanhee himself didn’t realize he was shaking, Juyeon thought as he grabbed a towel to dry his hair. I should ask him what’s wrong… or is that too much?
“Here you go. Be careful, it’s still really hot.” Juyeon placed the steaming mug of hot chocolate in front of Chanhee, smiling. He also took a bigger towel and wrapped it around the smaller man’s shoulders, hoping it would lessen the cold he was feeling. “The storm must have caught you off guard too, huh? The weather forecast for today didn’t mention any rain.”
“Juyeon, right?” Chanhee asked. His voice was soft, almost melting like the marshmallows Juyeon had added in his drink. “Thank you for your kindness… Do you know where the nearest bus station is?”
“Bus station? Where are you going?” Juyeon asked, taking some leftover pastries from the display to share between them. “Central City Terminal is kind of far, and I think it’s the nearest one if you want to go south… Express Bus Terminal is farther away too, if you need to go north.”
“I don’t know.”
Juyeon stilled, mouth hanging wide open as he was about to bite into a sweet bun. “What do you mean? You don’t know where you’re going?”
Chanhee looked at his shoes. The rain was suddenly a lot louder.
“Hey.” Juyeon found himself saying, reaching across the table to lay a warm hand on Chanhee’s cold arm. “I’m not going to ask what’s going on with you, but I think you’re a trustworthy person. I have an opening in my cafe for a server because one of my part-timers quit to focus on college, and I have a spare room upstairs too.”
Pale, thin fingers curled into a fist as dark eyes looked up at Juyeon.
“Only if you want it.” Juyeon assured him. “Maybe this could be a little breather for you too. I personally find the mundane workings of a pastry cafe more therapeutic than talking to an actual person sometimes.”
Chanhee exhaled, seemingly feeling a little lighter. “Thank you, Juyeon.”
The storm went on for a few more days, giving Chanhee enough time to settle into Juyeon’s apartment and cafe. The other man had insisted on closing the establishment until the storm blew over, not really in the mood to clean up the mud that customers were sure to bring in should they open.
Juyeon taught him how the cash register works, how to make the signature drinks, and how to attend to customer needs. When Chanhee asked to help in baking, Juyeon quickly dismissed him with a laugh. Only I am allowed in the kitchen, Chanhee. No offense, but my magic only works when I’m alone.
Overall, it was indeed a much freer experience. The room Juyeon gave him was smaller than what Chanhee was used to, but it didn’t matter because Chanhee had much less things anyway. He had put his dry clothes away and aired his wet clothes with Juyeon’s help– the cabinet in the room was still only barely half-filled.
“What’s your Kakao username? I have a group chat with my employees so we can cover shifts and accidents… though Sunwoo just uses it to send memes.” Juyeon asked when Chanhee was folding their laundry in the living room. It was a cold afternoon, but at least it wasn’t raining anymore.
Chanhee paused, only just remembering what he had done. “Oh… I don’t have a phone.”
Juyeon’s eyes widened in surprise. He looked like he was about to ask how that was possible, but bit on his lip and chose not to. Chanhee was immensely grateful for how patient Juyeon was with him; never pushing him to talk or share and just making sure Chanhee was comfortable.
“We should get you one, then.” Juyeon hummed after a moment, going back to building the new nightstand he bought from IKEA. “It’s dangerous if you continue to not have one. When the weather clears up, let’s go buy groceries and a phone. What do you say?”
Chanhee’s new room had one window. He usually kept it shut with the curtains drawn to prevent any light from coming through, but at night, Chanhee likes to tweak it back a bit and watch the night sky. The pollution still clouded his view of the stars and the moon towering among the skyscrapers of Seoul, but Chanhee likes to sit for maybe five minutes and just watch.
When the skies finally stopped pouring, Juyeon did take Chanhee with him to the mall. Juyeon insisted on paying for the phone they bought, much to Chanhee’s displeasure. He was going to start complaining, but Juyeon just smiled and entered his own number as the first contact. Juyeon also took a selca immediately, which further stressed Chanhee out because there was so much space on the photo. The lady at the phone store was giggling behind her hand at Juyeon’s complete inexperience with the front camera.
“What are you doing with that face?” Chanhee gave up and sighed, angling the phone in Juyeon’s hands so the space disappeared. Juyeon merely laughed at the comment, already leading him towards the supermarket and bringing out the list of goods they planned out earlier. “It doesn’t matter if you put a selca now, anyway. I like to take photos, so your caller ID will definitely change soon.”
“What if you get a bad angle from me?” Juyeon asked, letting go of the shopping cart to hoist a sack of rice into the lower compartment while Chanhee grabbed some packets of chili powder from a nearby rack.
“I don’t think that’s possible. You have a handsome face.” Chanhee off-handedly remarks, oblivious to the way Juyeon’s ears burned red at the compliment. He continued walking, one hand on the cart Juyeon was pushing. “Ah, we forgot to note down powdered sugar for the donuts! I think we passed them by two aisles ago.”
It felt nice being around Juyeon. He was easy going and respectful, careful to not overstep and ask too many questions that Chanhee didn't have answers to. Juyeon also likes to laugh and smile, distracting Chanhee from his dark thoughts with that cat-like grin whenever something minutely funny happens.
Most of all, Juyeon actually valued Chanhee’s opinions. He’d ask the smaller man his take on almost everything, including what brand of shampoo to buy, what toilet paper, what type of toothbrush. Chanhee would lightly shove and tell him to just hurry up and pick, but Juyeon would still get the item Chanhee would look at longest. Juyeon actually pays attention.
“What’s the difference between confectioners’ sugar and powdered sugar?” Chanhee asked when they were in line for checkout, leaning on the cart handle while Juyeon was inspecting the nearby shelf for candies. “Aren’t they both just crushed sugar? Why is unsalted butter a thing? Is it important to use unsalted butter instead of usual butter?”
“Confectioners’ have starch added, usually cornstarch. It’s the cheapest variety, but some brands use tapioca or potato starch.” Juyeon added a pack of tic-tacs into their cart, showing Chanhee the strawberry-flavored ones he chose. “Also, unsalted butter gives the pastry a different texture and flavor. Salted butter is less fresh and has more water in it, so it gives bread and other food this sort of crummy texture.”
Chanhee’s mouth hung in an ‘o’ shape. “It’s such a small thing to take into consideration.”
“Well, every small thing has big consequences.” Juyeon shrugged, reaching over to remove a piece of lint from Chanhee’s… well, Juyeon’s beanie. “It may not seem like such a big deal, but when the pastry comes out of the oven, you’ll definitely know the difference. So, don’t underestimate the difference a little more effort could make.”
They finished their check out and started heading towards the parking lot at the back of the mall when Juyeon abruptly stopped and tugged at Chanhee’s jacket sleeve. Chanhee raised an eyebrow, silently questioning what was going on, but followed Juyeon towards one of the smaller restaurants anyway.
“Let’s get chicken for dinner. You might be getting sick of my cooking by now.” Juyeon placed the grocery bags on an empty table. “I’ll go get in line to order. Do you have any preferences? I usually order the mildly spicy flavor, but I think the name is misleading because it is kind of spicy even by my standards.”
“You’re a good cook, though.” Chanhee argued. “I really like your fried rice.”
Juyeon smiled softly at him, touched. “Thank you.”
Once Chanhee had settled on a flavor for them to share, Juyeon went up to the counter, leaving Chanhee to sit alone with their groceries inside the restaurant. He was hidden perfectly in the corner, barely visible with the grocery bags piled on the table in front of him, so Chanhee fell back into the soft leather seats in contentment; a ghost of a smile starting behind his mask.
While still in Seoul, Juyeon’s cafe and neighborhood was at the opposite end of where Chanhee used to live. It’s a nice contrast, how slow and lax people lived in the new part of Seoul. Chanhee wasn’t one to go out often, so Juyeon dragging him out was a nice change of scenery, letting him see new buildings and more importantly, touch grass once in a while.
“They didn’t have japchae.” Juyeon padded back dejectedly towards him a few minutes later. He handed the box of takeout to Chanhee before taking up the heavy grocery bags again. “I wanted glass noodles but all they had was fishcake… Maybe we should have gone to a different restaurant instead.”
“I could make you japchae.” Chanhee offered. “I’m not sure how good it will be, but I’ve been cooking for myself for several years now and I haven’t died from it yet.”
Juyeon almost jumped in excitement, facing him with the widest grin ever and sparkling eyes. “Really? You’ll make me some glass noodles?” He asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
“I’ll try my best but don’t expect too much, okay?”
As they made their way to Juyeon’s car in the parking lot, Juyeon almost bumped into someone had Chanhee not pulled him out of the way fast enough. Juyeon just laughed the encounter off, but the stranger stayed rooted at the spot long after they had gone.
“Chanhee?”
“So, you’re Chanhee.”
“It’s Chanhee-hyung, Sunwoo. Mind your manners. Have you eaten yet? Didn’t we already talk about how you should eat first before going to this shift?” Juyeon reprimanded the youngest part-timer. Chanhee tried to go for a smile, though it probably looked strained because Sunwoo grimaced and shook his head.
“I think it’s better if you just stay poker-faced.” Sunwoo told Chanhee, who gladly gave up trying to smile.
Juyeon reached over in an attempt to whack the back of Sunwoo’s head. The server was quick to dodge the flour-coated hand, making Juyeon sigh. “I don’t think it matters if Chanhee smiles or not. He’s going to attract customers with how cute he is, anyway. We’re going to need that appeal because Youngjae already resigned.”
Sunwoo looked offended. “What about me? I’m still here!”
“You’re not cute enough.” Juyeon deadpanned, causing Chanhee to snort in amusement.
“Rude.” The youngest huffed, pulling his face mask up. “Hey, Juyeon-hyung, maybe if you got out of the kitchen and showed your face, we’d also get more customers. Right, Chanhee-hyung? Juyeonie-hyung’s wasting his handsome face hiding behind the pantry. Flex those muscles you got from kneading bread, hyung. Get the ladies!”
“Go clean the tables, Sunwoo.” Juyeon grumbled, tossing a rag over. Sunwoo tsk’ed and walked away, whistling merrily to himself.
“He’s right, you know?” Chanhee turned to Juyeon before he could disappear into the kitchen again. “You are handsome. I mean, if we clean the batter from your forehead, it would definitely show more. Maybe also dust some flour from your cheeks.”
Juyeon huffed, though he looked a little bit flustered at the compliment from Chanhee. “No one’s going to make bread to sell if I leave the kitchen, Chanhee. I’m literally the baker. It’s almost nine in the morning; you can go ahead and flip the sign on the door to let the people in line get inside.”
Chanhee's lips turned a little more poutier at that. "You don't believe me when I say that you're attractive?"
"No, I mean–" Juyeon pinched the bridge of his own nose, accidentally leaving a white-flour print on his tan skin and making Chanhee's heart swell a little. "That's a trick question, Chan. Leave me alone."
And he finally waddled back towards the kitchen, though Chanhee could see the tips of his ears turn pink. He let himself smile, the feeling foreign after days of frowning, and opened the cafe door to invite the first of the people already waiting in a line outside.
Juyeon's pastries were apparently a bestseller, because as Chanhee learned for the next few days, his customers kept returning with bigger and bigger smiles. New faces would show up every now and then, quickly turning into regulars that Sunwoo knew by name.
"Good work today, guys." Juyeon slid a plastic container across the counter towards Sunwoo, who excitedly grabbed it and peeked inside. "That's your favorite soft bread, Sunwoo. Your birthday is coming up, right? Do you have any plans? I gave you that day off."
"I think it's payday the day before that, so I guess I can finally buy that new audio mixer I've been saving up for." Sunwoo grinned, already eating the bread even though he was supposed to take it home. "There's a new song I'm working on and the song kinda needs a special something that I don’t know yet.”
"I'll be the first to listen to your demo before it hits the cloud, right?" Juyeon grinned, then turned to Chanhee, who was quietly checking the records on the cash register. "Hey, Chan-ah? You sing, right? I’ve heard you singing to yourself when you do chores around the apartment. Why don’t you try making a duet with Sunwoo?”
Chanhee blinked owlishly at the tallest man. He knew Juyeon paid attention, but he didn’t think he was paying that much attention. “I used to be in choir, that’s all.” Chanhee mumbled out, shy. He actually liked to sing– Chanhee got praised for his vocal technique numerous times in the past, but for some reason, whenever he would try out for the main part, Chanhee would always get turned down.
He just stopped trying after a while, resigned to keep his talent to himself. He thought that someone else would always be better than him, and so he should stop showing off such a mundane and common talent.
“He has a really good voice.” Juyeon continued to praise Chanhee to a very interested Sunwoo. “I heard him sing Blackpink's Kill This Love yesterday! He probably didn't know I was there, because Chan's belting out the high notes like it was nothing–"
"Juyeon…"
"If that's the case, then I'd like to ask hyung to record with me!" Sunwoo beamed, looking at Chanhee with wide, pleading eyes. Chanhee already normally has a hard time saying no to people, but Sunwoo looking like a raccoon with his begging, hooded eyes made it even harder. "If Juyeonie-hyung is praising you that much, then it means you're really good!"
Chanhee grimaced. "Juyeon praises everyone, though."
"Yes, but he always means it." Sunwoo was almost visibly vibrating with excitement. "Okay, if you don't trust yourself to record an original song with me yet, how about trying out a cover? Do you know PH-1's song called Nerdy Love?"
Juyeon was leaning forward expectantly, but he stayed quiet and just gave Chanhee a smile. He knew Juyeon heard him sing that particular song before, when Chanhee was making him glass noodles. Juyeon clapped for him when the song ended, grin so wide it almost split his face in two.
"Yeah."
"Can I come over on Saturday so we can record? The place is closed during weekends, so we can have the quiet for ourselves."
Chanhee glanced at Juyeon, unsure and feeling a little scared. He had never been asked like that before, never had so much attention and praise given to him in one go. Juyeon just nodded encouragingly.
When he finally agreed, Sunwoo screamed in happiness and almost dove over the counter to hug Chanhee had Juyeon not gotten in the way to save the skinny man from sure death with how gripping Sunwoo hugs.
"I'll make sure to bring Youngjae as well." Sunwoo promised as he shrugged his backpack on, preparing to leave for the day. "He'd be very happy to meet you, Chanhee-hyung! Youngjae also wants me to apologize to you for him, Juyeon-hyung. Engineering's kicking his ass, I almost feel sorry for him."
"Tell him he can come over anytime to ask me for help with homework."
"You took Engineering?" Chanhee asked when Sunwoo left, watching Juyeon wipe the counter.
"Yeah. I was top of my class too, adding to everyone's shock when I just dropped out in the last semester before graduation." Juyeon was nonchalant about it even when Chanhee's jaw dropped in surprise. "It's funny too, because I never really baked before in my life until that Christmas when I got bored and decided to make brownies. It's a happy accident, I guess. I found my true happiness."
Chanhee gripped the hem of his apron, feeling his chest go a little tight.
"I know you'll find your true happiness soon too, Chanhee." Juyeon's eyes crinkled at the tails as he smiled. "Just don't give up looking for it."
As far as Chanhee knew, Juyeon never let anyone in the kitchen of the bakery. It was Juyeon’s space to ‘create magic’, as the older insisted– it’s like a different dimension considering Chanhee didn’t even know what the kitchen looked like because even the windows on the double doors were tinted.
To say he was surprised when Juyeon suddenly grabbed his hand and led him to said kitchen was an understatement; Chanhee was absolutely bewildered. Juyeon left him by the doorway of the expensive, top of the line kitchen, to grab an apron by the fridge. He gave the yellow apron to Chanhee, smiling a little.
“I need your help to make this cake.”
“Huh?” Chanhee managed to stutter dumbly, staring at the other man like Juyeon had suddenly grown two heads. “Did you eat something bad?”
It was Juyeon’s turn to look confused. “What?”
“I mean,” Chanhee gestured around them, at the shiny kitchen that Juyeon so obviously liked to keep clean and spotless even when he himself is covered in flour and batter. “You never let anyone in your kitchen, Juyeon. I don’t think Sunwoo nor I even actually knew how this place looked.”
“Ah.” Juyeon cutely puffed his cheeks out, thinking for a moment before smiling shyly. “You’re right, I don’t let anyone in here.” His face was growing red as he looked away, putting his own pink apron on. “I just thought that maybe you’d like to see it and help me.”
Chanhee wasn’t the type to dive head first into his emotions– mainly because his emotions were mostly negative and he didn’t have time to feel sorry for himself when he has so much to do so he could prove himself– but Juyeon’s pink ears and fumbling hands tugged at Chanhee’s heartstrings, just as the older man’s gentle attitude and unwavering patience were doing ever since Juyeon sheltered him from the rain almost two months before.
“You can’t even tie your apron properly.” Chanhee mumbled out, also blushing, but he took a leap of faith and moved closer to Juyeon. His hands gripped at the material of the offending apron, brushing Juyeon’s strong hands away, and tied a delicate knot to secure the clothing on. He let his hands linger a little longer on Juyeon’s waist before pulling away, looking anywhere but the other man in the room. “So, what am I even going to help you with?”
“I was thinking of making a chocolate cake for Sunwoo’s birthday. He usually celebrates it with his family, but it won’t hurt to give him a little present too. He loves eating sweets.” Juyeon hummed, washing his hands. Chanhee followed suit, though he didn’t really know what to do. He voiced it out, making Juyeon smile. “Just follow my lead, yeah? You’ll be a master pastry chef by the time I’m done teaching you!”
“That’s a bold claim.” Chanhee shook his head, letting Juyeon guide him through the process. He was told to measure the required ingredients exactly, with Juyeon being the one to mix the batter up by hand after telling Chanhee that it was a hard process. “Then why don’t you just buy an automated mixer?”
“We have that.” Juyeon gestured to a box on top of a shelf. “It didn’t taste as good for some reason, so I just never used it again.”
Chanhee laughed at how particular the other man was.
“I wish you’d let yourself be happy more often.” Juyeon suddenly said, setting the mixed batter aside for the moment as he reached over to grab a towel to wipe his sweat away. “You look really beautiful when you’re smiling and carefree. I’m not saying that you’re any less beautiful when you’re not smiling… it’s just, uh.”
Juyeon must have realized he was rambling and that Chanhee had stopped laughing, only looking at him with those warm, dark brown eyes. Juyeon’s cheeks turned a darker shade of red when he realized Chanhee was holding more laughter in.
“Stop it, you’re making me feel embarrassed.” Juyeon whined, turning away to check the oven’s temperature. “I was just being honest.”
“Thank you, Juyeon.” Chanhee giggled, surprising even himself by wrapping his thin arms around Juyeon’s middle, resting his cheek on the soft material of Juyeon’s shirt. His own face was probably as red as Juyeon’s, though he was thankful it was a back hug so he didn’t have to go through the same embarrassment.
And just like that, it became normal for them to touch, to laugh at each other’s stupid sense of humor, to just stare at each other in silence sometimes. Sunwoo was making fake vomiting noises when he came over to record the Nerdy Love cover with Chanhee that weekend, though he did tell Chanhee that he had never seen Juyeon so happy before. Chanhee felt excited, light on his feet, at the possibility that maybe, maybe he found something with Juyeon.
He also met Youngjae, who had suddenly started visiting the bakery more frequently to ask Juyeon for help with his homework and thesis. The youngest boy was very energetic and kind, with Chanhee taking an immediate liking to him from the first time Youngjae smiled. He and Sunwoo would stay at the establishment long after Chanhee had flipped the sign to close, just chatting with him and Juyeon and eating dinner together.
In recent nights, Chanhee had allowed himself to hook the curtains back from the window before going to sleep in his bed, letting the cool summer air waft into the room along with the surprisingly pleasant, muted sounds of the less busy city lull him into dreamland.
On April 26th, Chanhee woke up with a smile. The sun was rising and there seemed to be no indication that it might rain, which he really liked. While he never really liked to celebrate his birthday, Chanhee would still let himself feel a little hopeful during his special day. Even more so with his new life, where he was surrounded by people who seemed to genuinely care about him and want him around.
“You’re blooming today.” Sunwoo leaned over the counter, eyes squinting in suspicion. “Did you and Juyeon-hyung do that… you know?”
Juyeon almost threw the serving tray at the younger man. “Kim Sunwoo!”
“I was just asking!” Sunwoo quickly defended himself, ducking behind a chair. When Juyeon let the tray go, Sunwoo emerged from his hiding spot like a raccoon from a trash bin. “Seriously though, Chanhee-hyung. Did anything happen today? Wait, is it your birthday?”
Chanhee nodded, distracted with the espresso machine. When his nonverbal reply was met with silence, he quickly looked up. Sunwoo and Juyeon were staring at him blankly, which was probably because they weren’t expecting Sunwoo to be right with his wild guesses.
“I turn 24 today.” Chanhee explained.
“Oh my… Chanhee, I didn’t know! I don’t even have a present for you!” Juyeon looked mortified beyond belief, looking almost comical with the way his eyebrows furrowed. “Shit, okay. Let’s close the bakery for today and just eat out, Chan! Let’s–”
“I don’t celebrate my birthday, it’s okay.” Chanhee patted his arm. “Also, there’s already a line of customers outside waiting to eat your breakfast buns, so I really don’t think you should do that.”
Juyeon looked like he was about to protest, but resigned to just nod and say, “Okay. If you say so, Chan.” Sunwoo wasn’t as easy to quell, but one warning look from Juyeon and he backed down anyway. Chanhee thanked them for being considerate, and Sunwoo flipped the sign on the door to let their first customers in.
By noon, the bakery was full and bustling. Sunwoo, who had already eaten before peak time, manned the counter for a bit as Chanhee sat down on a stool by the cashier to rest and eat a quick lunch. Juyeon hadn’t showed himself since that morning except for delivering the baked goods into the main room, and Chanhee was thinking of going into the kitchen and reminding him to eat.
Before he could hop off the stool to get to Juyeon, a hand landed on his shoulder, familiar but still making Chanhee jump. He turned around, about to ask if the customer needed anything, but the face that greeted him almost made Chanhee stumble onto the floor.
“Chanhee, is that really you?”