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Dear Sapnap,
Hey. It’s Dream. I’m alive.
Yeah.. alive.
That’s a funny word, I suppose. It implies that I am still here, in this cell. Still here in this world. Still here in spirit. I never feel here anymore. I don’t feel anything anymore.
Quackity tells me you’ve divorced him, I’m glad. He’s always been a dick. I’m glad you have Karl.
You’ve always had Karl.
I love you. :)
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Dear Sapnap,
You took Quackity back?
Well he better treat you right then, there's a list of things he’s done bad to me, but that’s fine, it’s not important because you love him and I love you so I will accept this fate.
It’s been 307 days, isn’t that funny?
Oh, ignore that brown stain, it’s not blood.. Just food, or something.
I’m tired.
Yeah, Tired.
Goodnight, Pandas.
I love you :)
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Dear Sapnap,
308 days.
Techno left days ago.. Weeks ago actually.
Sorry, I’m tired.
It’s hard to stay awake these days.
I’m so tired.
I should sleep.
Oh Quackity has his axe this time..
I’m too tired for him.
Maybe if I sleep it won’t hurt too bad
Love you, Sap. :)
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Dear Sapnap,
I hope you’re taking care of George,
I miss you both.
And I hope Bad is still hanging out with Skeppy, Skeppy keeps him happy
I heard George has made friends with my brother..
I hope you can make sure George isn’t hurt.
xD isn’t the nicest.
I wrote these entries since day one for you, hoping that you would come and visit so I could give them to you
Why haven’t you and George come?
Quackity taunts me with photos of George standing outside, staring. And stories of you.
So many stories of why you could never love me.
Our boys have always known we loved each other.
But you hate me now and want me dead
And I’m too tired to do anything but worry for your safety with that monster
Karl’s memory has never been good, we know.
But I never stopped loving you and George, or Bad.
You guys seem to think I had.
I wanted to defend our home against Wilbur and his crew..
Then Nightmare came back.
Quackity is back..
Goodnight, Sap. I love you. :)
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Dear Sapnap,
It’s been 325 days.
I almost died.
He got too close and now I hear there was an earthquake.
Sorry.
I hope you’re safe.
I love you :)
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Dear Sapnap,
Please come…
I love you :)
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Dear Sapnap,
I’m sorry,
I hurt you, I know I did
I hurt you the worst of all, I think.
I promised you that it wouldn’t get too far.
That nightmare hadn’t come back
And I had lied.
Please, Sap.. Please..
I’m sorry.. And you, You don’t have to forgive me.
What I did was terrible and I deserve to die to Quackity’s torture.
I deserve to die to anyone’s hand
I don’t care about the books anymore
I just know that Quackity will revive Schlatt
And then you’ll be hurt
I don’t want that to hurt you again like it had before
You love Quackity and Karl too much
And I love George
I hope George is okay
I hope he didn’t abandon you
I hope you didn’t abandon him
I hope you’re well
I hope you hate me enough to come here and kill me
I want to die to your hand
I want you to kill me
I hurt you the worst
So come here and kill me
Because that way at least I’ll get to see you again
:)
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Dear Sapnap,
You asked to see me today
Hurry up please
I’m ready to die
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Dear Sapnap,
I’ll hand you this book when you visit
And you’ll read it when you get home
You’ll have gotten upset at Quackity
You’ll be upset at yourself for not protecting me
You’ve always been too good for me
Thank you
Thank you for finally doing what everyone wants and deciding to kill me
And thank you for letting me see you again
Tell George I love him and that it’s fine to move on
It hurts to be away from him, you know? Living with the knowledge of failing my boyfriend..
He visits my dreams often to tell me I’ll make it back to him alive and well
He tells me I’ll live through this hard time and someday we can all be together again
Someday I’ll have him back in my arms
I want to be back with him, Sapnap
I want him back
I want you back
I want Bad back
But I don’t deserve you guys
So when I die, I’ll let you all live your lives and be happy together
I’ll let you guys have lives without that best friend who ruined it all
The man who fucked everyone over and hurt everyone he loved
The man who was too shitty to be allowed to stick around
I don’t want forgiveness, Sapnap, that’s not why I’m writing
I don’t want to get sympathy,
I want what I deserve
Death.
We all know that I should be killed, no one wants to man up and do the job
So you need to do it
You need to kill me
It’s the only way to move on
I love you more than life itself, Sap, and that’s why I want you to do this
I hope you do what you know is best for everyone else
Suddenly I thought back to when we were kids, back to when Mama would let you and George and Bad come over and she would read us poems at night..
Remember that one?
‘The Flower That Smiles T-Day’ by Percy Shelley?
“The Flower that smiles to-day,
To-morrow dies;
All that we wish to stay,
Tempts and then flies.
What in this world’s delight?
Lighting that mocks the night,
Brief, even as bright.”
I’ll smile when I see you,
I’ll smile so you know that it’s okay for me to die
I’ll smile because I was told to live by these words,
The words embedded deep into the roots of my brain,
The words of a mother who knew her child would need to be killed,
A mother preparing herself and her son for the inevitable truth
And perhaps she knew one of you three would be the one to do it
So she prepared you all as well
Just follow through with the words of my mother, if you won’t kill me for me
Oh and.. I don’t want flowers at my funeral.
I love you
:)
Dear Dream,
Where you go, I go
See you on the other side
I love you