Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Welcome back
I would like to thank all of you for continuing to participate in this war. Your efforts have been greatly appreciated, and I know that with your continued presence we will find the crystals and defeat Chaos once and for all.
In order to facilitate you on your journeys, I wanted to remind you of this message board so that, should you need any assistance, you may communicate with each other. Please do not abuse it.
Cosmos
P.S., please be aware that amnesia is a normal side effect of battling the forces of Chaos, and is nothing to be alarmed about.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Chaos
Re: ARE WE STILL DOING THIS?
I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE FORGIVEN ME AROUND THE SIXTH CYCLE ALREADY. COME ON, BABY, WHY YOU GOTTA BE THIS WAY? IT WAS JUST THE ONE TIME! SHE DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: So there
Oh, I’m so glad. All is forgiven. So you’ll understand that it “doesn’t mean anything” when I fool around with my sexy harem before getting back to you.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Chaos
Re: WHATEVER
YEAH, GOOD LUCK GETTING ANY FROM THAT GROUP OF LOSERS. AND I’VE GOT QUITE A FEW SEXY LADIES ON MY SIDE, I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Challenge accepted
I’ll show you how it’s done.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Important Message
My warriors, I wish to inform you that a grand reward awaits the first to retrieve his crystal. Please feel free to contact me if you need any “encouragement.”
Cosmos
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: As fast as possible
I will find my crystal posthaste, my lady! Nothing shall stop me from rushing to your side when I have completed the task you have so graciously assigned to me.
And may I mention that you look lovely today?
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MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Thanks
That’s very sweet of you, Warrior of Light.
Now go find that crystal.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Formalities
You needn’t call me by my title, goddess. It is far too formal for we who are so close, and have shared so much.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Um
Well what else am I supposed to call you?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Tidus
Re: Come on, guys
You’re all pronouncing my name wrong! It’s not funny!
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Tidus
Re: Oh real funny, dad
Firion said you told him to pronounce my name like that. I hate you so much!
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Oh real funny, dad
Ain’t that how it’s supposed to be pronounced? I’m your dad, I think I would know.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Chaos
FROM: Chaos
Re: KEEP IT UP
YOU’RE ALL DOING GREAT. JUST KEEP DOING WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU’RE DOING AND STOP COSMOS FROM DOING WHATEVER IT IS SHE’S DOING, AND WE’LL DEFINITELY SHOW HER WHO’S THE BOSS AROUND HERE.
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MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Chaos
Re: THANKS
HEY, THANKS FOR THE BACKRUB. IT FELT GREAT.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Plans
Please come to my office. I have some tactical plans I wish to discuss.
Also, I think our warriors would benefit from a more direct style of leadership. Perhaps I could make a few suggestions as to how we might accomplish this?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Chaos
Re: WELCOME
I GET THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU FEEL UNWELCOME IN THIS GROUP. LET ME DO WHATEVER I CAN TO FIX THAT. PLEASE COME SEE ME IN MY OFFICE SO I CAN MAKE YOU FEEL AS WELCOME AND INCLUDED AS POSSIBLE.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Chaos
Re: OH MAN
THAT KUJA CHICK IS HOT.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Crystals
Whatever happens, you don’t need to worry. I’m right here by your side.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Crystals
Thanks. I feel so much braver when you’re around. But secretly… I’m a little scared. I can’t help but feel like something terrible is going to happen.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Don’t worry
I’ll keep you safe. As long as you’re with me, you don’t have to be scared of anything.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: No one caught you?
Did you get the key to Cosmos’s office?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Professional thief, remember?
Easy-peasy!
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Great!
Let me know when we’re going to put the plan into action.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: No worries
Just follow my lead and everything will go smooth.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Follow your lead?
Professional mimic, remember? I just hope you have a plan.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: …
So much disorder…
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Keep up the good work
You’re an inspiration to us all, Cloud. Don’t let the darkness frighten you from your true path. We’re right here beside you, through thick and thin.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus, Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Cloud
We really need to get rid of Cloud. His constant moping is tearing our group apart.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: I mean it
That’s not how my name is pronounced!
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Are you sure?
I mean, Jecht was the one who told me, so I told everyone else. He’s your dad, Tidus; I think he would know.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: An offer you can’t refuse
I’ve got a proposition for you, Your Darkliness. Come meet me at the usual spot.
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Re: An offer you can’t refuse
We have already told you: we don’t date clowns.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: The term is “harlequin”
I’m after a different girl, thank you very much.
But hey, if you’re interested…
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Re: The term is “harlequin”
A different girl? The young witch who serves Cosmos, perhaps? We are intrigued.
We agree to your meeting.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: I’ll be waiting
It’s a date!
Don’t get any ideas, though. I don’t care much for clouds. Or snakes. Or you.
That Kuja chick, though? She’s kinda hot!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
cc: Cloud Strife, Cecil Harvey
Re: Nice moves!
You’ve got to show me how you wield that sword of yours. I’m impressed.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
cc: Cloud Strife, Cecil Harvey
Re: Thanks!
You’re not so bad out there yourself! I bet I could learn a thing or two from you.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Tidus and Firion
I am not sharing a tent with those two tonight.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Progress Report
Please let me know if you’ve made any significant progress on your crystals. And I’d be happy to offer “encouragement” to anyone who wants to stop by.
Cosmos
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: We need a distraction
The door is unlocked, but she’s still in there! I need you to distract her.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: We need a distraction
I’m on it.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Progress
Wow! You’ve certainly made a lot of progress!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Your advice
Thanks for the advice, Cloud. It would never have occurred to me to strike when they’re off-guard unless you had told me. I hope you can give me some more sage advice in the future.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Advice
…
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus, Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Cloud
Can you believe him? He’s a terrible fighter, and his company is atrocious; he honestly has nothing to contribute to the group. The sooner we are rid of him, the better.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: What happened?
You just disappeared! I got in her office and got the goods, but I can’t find you. Where’d you go?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: What happened?
Apparently I’ve made a lot of progress.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Re: What happened?
DETAILS. NOW.
Chapter Text
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Garland
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Not so tough, now
I admit, you were a challenging opponent. But now you are dead, and I shall reap my reward, the joys of which you will never know.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Garland
Garland has been defeated, my lady! The knave will trouble you no more.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Garland
Great. How ‘bout that crystal, Warrior Guy? How’s that coming along?
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Crystals
It shan’t be long now.
And I daresay you can come up with a better name than that.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
cc: Firion, Cloud Strife
Re: My name
You’ve been pronouncing it wrong. You and everybody. Why do you guys keep doing this?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: My name
That’s how Jecht said it was pronounced.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: No!
Well, it’s not. My old man is wrong.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: No!
Tidus, he’s your father. I think he would know.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Loot
None of this loot is all that interesting.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Loot
Sorry. I guess I thought Cosmos would keep some better items stashed in her office. Or at least a pair of panties.
We could always try again. But next time, I want to be the distraction.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Tidus
Re: Your sword
That thing looks awfully heavy.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: It’s a memento
…It’s not.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: It’s a memento
I don’t believe you. Let me try carrying it.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: …
No.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Tidus
Re: Come on
Please?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Tidus
Re: Pleeease?
Pretty please?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Tidus
Re: Pretty pretty please?
Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Tidus
Re: Pretty please times infinity?
I’ll be your friend.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Pretty please times infinity?
Not interested.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: I think you should know
You’re so brave, and I’m really glad you’re here.
But I think you’ve got some sort of treasure addiction.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Treasure
I’m only trying to help you, Terra. I… I’d do anything for you, you know.
You mean a lot to me.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Treasure
You mean a lot to me, too. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Re: Re: Treasure
Oh. Right. Friend. Um.
Thanks.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Firion
cc: Tidus, Cecil Harvey
Re: Walking pot
Did that pot just start following you?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cloud Strife
cc: Tidus, Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Walking pot
I think it wants an elixir.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Tidus
cc: Firion, Cecil Harvey
Re: Magic pot
Be careful with that thing! They seem nice at first, but then they explode on you!
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife, Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Tidus
Did someone let him eat the Gysahl greens again?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Rest
If you need to rest, feel free to let us know. Whatever you need, day or night, we’re here for you.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion, Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Cloud
He is unbelievably thick. Can’t he take a hint?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Firion
Re: Your sword
That sword of yours looks really heavy.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Firion
Re: About your sword
Can I hold it?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: About your sword
Go ask Tidus.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Jackpot!
I found something! I guess Cosmos took some notes when she was scouting us, and there are photos! I’m sending them to you now. Check out Squall when he was little!
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Jackpot!
Whoa! This is blackmail gold!
Oh. WOW. Who is that girl?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Turn around
There’s a manikin behind you guys.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Pretty girl
I dunno. Says she’s from Cloud’s world.
She looks kinda like Cloud, too. Maybe he has a sister?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Pretty girl
Uh… I think that is Cloud.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Right behind you
It’s getting kind of close. Just thought you should know.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: I don’t think so
Why would he wear a dress? Why would he possibly want to look like a girl?
He did a great job of it, though.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Oh my stars and comets
HE’S A SHE!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Why didn’t I realize?
Cloud is a girl. And she’s been hiding it from us all this time.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: What
No way.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Trust me
Trust me, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen a girl try to pass herself off as a boy. She’s clearly just worried that with all these men around, we wouldn’t take her seriously, so she dressed up as a guy.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Trust me
What kind of messed up world do you come from?!
But… I dunno. How sure are you?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Hello?
Are you guys even paying attention? Why are you messaging each other when you’re twenty feet away from each other anyway?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Re: Trust me
Trust me, there’s no way Cloud’s a guy. Have you ever seen a man who could look this pretty?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Yes, actually
You’d be surprised.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Fine, be that way
Whatever, man. I have experience with ladies like this. It’s given me a kind of sixth sense when it comes to them.
Why else would I find Cloud so attractive?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Fine, be that way
I don’t think you want me to answer that.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Whatever
Fine. I’ll take care of the manikin.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: You snooze, you lose
You don’t have to believe me. I’ll prove it you.
And then Miss Cloud will be all mine.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: FLYING FAT CHOCOBOS
THERE’S A MANIKIN BEHIND YOU!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: “Blitzball”
I cannot believe that is a real sport.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: “Blitzball”
What’s so hard to believe about it?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Uhh
The part where it’s underwater? No one can hold their breath that long.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Uhh
I can hold my breath in my sleep!
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Yeah right
Prove it.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Yeah right
What do I get if I do?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Hmm
I could give you my flower.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Hmm
Um, I’m not really into that.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Just kidding
I wouldn’t give my rose away to just anyone.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Just kidding
Good. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
But good.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
cc: Zidane Tribal
Re: Thanks!
Thanks for your help back there! You sure you don’t want to come with us?
I guarantee you there’s an epic adventure in store for us!
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
cc: Bartz Klauser
Re: EPIC
We’re sure to find lots of treasure along the way!
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
cc: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: EPIC
I don’t care about treasure.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
cc: Zidane Tribal
Re: What about
What about girls? We’ve uncovered a hidden beauty or two.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Squall Leonhart
cc: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: What about
I don’t care about girls either.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Oh
Well if that’s the case…
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Re: Oh
I’m not gay.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Suuure
It’s cool. I’m pretty open-minded, and I think Bartz is pretty confused, so…
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
cc: Zidane Tribal
Re: Denial
You don’t know what you’re denying yourself, Squall. You should’ve come with us! Just us guys, on an awesome, manly adventure!
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Squall Leonhart
cc: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Denial
I’M NOT GAY!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: A boy
You seem a smart plant, appreciative of the unbeauty of the Void (though yours is a false one, ours is much better). As such, we have a proposition for you.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: A boy
What would you have of me? A terrifying display, perhaps, to demonstrate to all the inevitable dominance of the Void we both serve? (And I would like to add that yours is the false one, and mine was there first.)
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Nothing so grand
We wish you to pay a visit to one who has been plaguing us for some time now. He is of little consequence at the moment, but he may yet prove himself a not adorable nuisance. You need only assess his potential to… distract us.
(And our Void is better, times infinity.)
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Cloud
Sweet Cosmos, am I the only one willing to admit it?! Cloud’s a girl, I swear! It is perfectly acceptable to have a crush on her!
I cannot be the only guy who feels this way.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Good to see you
I’ve been watching you, Cloud.
I will always be watching.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey, Tidus
FROM: Firion
cc: Cloud Strife
Re: Man to man
Cloud and I are going head to head! Just thought you guys might like to watch.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
cc: Cecil Harvey, Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Man to man
Awesome! Can’t wait to see it.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
cc: Tidus, Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Man to man
You and Cloud are having a wrestling match?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
cc: Tidus, Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Re: Man to man
What? No, but that does sound like fun.
We should have a wrestling match later!
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
cc: Firion, Cloud Strife
Re: Wrestling
I’d watch that.
But not right now. I like watching Firion use his weapons.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Wrestling
I’ll bet you do.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cloud Strife
cc: Cecil Harvey, Tidus
Re: I’m waiting
Are we gonna start this or not?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Tidus
Re: Careful
Watch out if you win, Cloud. Firion might give you his flower.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Careful
Why? He already showed it to me.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Re: Careful
I really didn’t need to know that.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Exdeath
Re: The Onion Knight
He is indeed a pitiful boy. Of no consequence.
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Re: The Onion Knight
We knew you would think that. We certainly don’t care for him, or find him endearing.
Feel free to tear him limb from limb, if you so wish.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: Re: The Onion Knight
Why bother going to such lengths to harm him? Consider him beneath my notice.
And I don’t think he’s cute at all. Those big green eyes are overrated.
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Cute?
Indeed. So we are agreed that you will leave him to us?
Not that we find him cute, either. We just want to see this done properly.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: Cute?
Of course. I certainly don’t care. The nothingness of the Void is far superior to whatever charm he possesses.
Because he doesn’t. Have any.
I do not find him cute at all.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Exdeath
So what did you think about that, huh? I outsmarted that big metal can, no contest!
Some might even say I’m a hero.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Exdeath
Aww, you’re cute.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Cute?
Oh, thanks Terra.
I think you’re really pretty, you know.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Cute?
Haha, stop, you’re making me blush.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Exdeath
Re: The girl
Give up already. Your obsession with the girl is beginning to irk me. You should stop spending time with Sephiroth, he’s starting to rub off on you.
Leave them be.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Exdeath
Re: The boy
I don’t think he’s cute. He didn’t affect me in any way at all, and I most certainly didn’t feel a twinge where my heart would be if I had one beneath my cold, metal shell of a body.
If I did think he was cute, I would tell you to be careful, and watch out for a certain nihilistic clown. But I won’t. Because I don’t.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Firion
cc: Tidus, Cecil Harvey
Re: Rematch!
I demand a rematch!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cloud Strife
cc: Tidus, Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Rematch!
Not interested.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Tidus
cc: Firion, Cecil Harvey
Re: My turn
I’m up next, Cloud! And if I win, you have to let me hold your sword.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cloud Strife
cc: Firion, Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: My turn
I said no.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Firion
He’s a rather sore loser, isn’t he? Personally, I can’t stand him.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Firion
Firion seems rather upset about the match. You can have the tent to yourselves tonight if you want to cheer him up later.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Dragons
You ever get the feeling there’s more to life than what we see?
I know you know what’s going on with that dragon I saw.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Garland
Re: Re: Dragons
I don’t know why you would think that.
Why don’t you ask Cloud? Or is his sword too big for you?
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Oh yeah?
Maybe you should go give Chaos another backrub.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Garland
Re: Re: Oh yeah?
Mama’s boy.
You should find yourself a woman.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Re: Re: Oh yeah?
Never heard that one before. How original.
And maybe I will. That Kuja chick is kinda hot.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Question for you
What do you know about dragons?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Kuja
Re: …
Well, thank you for your hospitality. But I’m afraid I must decline your generous “offer.”
I’m not into that.
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo, Sephiroth, Jecht
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Kuja
It has come to my attention that this Kuja lady is extraordinarily beautiful. You gentlemen would be wise to leave her to me.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Sephiroth
cc: Kefka Palazzo, Jecht
Re: Re: Kuja
I believe I saw her first.
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor, Sephiroth
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
cc: Jecht
Re: Psssh
You losers can have her.
Though it might be fun to take her for a spin…
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor, Sephiroth, Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Jecht
Re: Lay off
Hey! She’s not a piece of meat. You gotta take it slow and treat a girl with respect if you wanna get laid.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth, Kefka Palazzo, Jecht
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Silence
Cease your prattling. The matter is already decided: she will be mine.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: The Emperor
Re: A modest proposal
When I am master of all I see, I will need an empress to stand by my side. You are flattered, I am sure, to have been selected for this position.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: A modest proposal
I’m not a girl!
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Re: A modest proposal
No need to play coy, my dear. This is a very prestigious role you have been offered.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: You and me
Hey, sweet cheeks. How’s about you and me get together sometime?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: You and me
I must decline.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Chaos
Re: …
I WON’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: A shared fate
You can ignore the others. They’re no match for me.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: A shared fate
I’m sure they’re not. I’ve seen how much shampoo you use.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Haircare
As long as we’re talking about it, I’m curious what sort of shampoo you use. Mind if I come over tonight and we can discuss it?
Maybe we could shower together.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Kuja
Re: No
And I thought you were stalking Cloud.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Re: No
I’m a man. I have needs he can’t fulfill.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Re: No
What… I’M NOT A GIRL!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: What’s the hold up?
Come on, Kujie-coo! Let’s have a little FUN, what do you say?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: Oh for the love of
I’M A MAN.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: A sonnet
I get it. You wanna be wooed, is that it? Well, I wrote you this poem:
There once was a world that I blew up
(I saw all its love and I threw up!)
But when I’m with you
I want to die too
So I’ll be there tonight to pick you up
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: A sonnet
I can’t dignify that with a proper rejection.
I mean, that’s not even a real sonnet!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: The Emperor
Re: A REAL sonnet
I caught that fool Kefka attempting to pilfer my rhyming dictionary, and I imagine he had only one purpose in doing so. Whatever he sent you, I assure you I can do better.
Thy slender grace hath captivated me
What can I do? but breathlessly I stare
Thine eyes of indigo be all I see
Thy soft, pale skin, and feathers in thy hair
Alas, what lady yet can sate mine eyes
Now I have seen thy lovely, perfect face?
O maiden fair, do not my love despise!
But stand with me, united in this place
O come with me, our colors be unfurled!
If thou canst hold me captive to my heart
We shall make slaves of all who walk this world
Forevermore we two shall never part
But join with me against my only foe
And we shall conquer all there is to know
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Really?
You want me to write you a poem?
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Really?
No. I really don’t.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Playing hard to get, huh?
I assume you’ve studied the classic tanka form:
Rising through the pines
I waited all night to see
Your face in the moon.
Worthless autumn leaves swirl in
The cold wind that chills my heart.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Chaos
Re: JEALOUS?
THAT KUJA CHICK IS SO MUCH HOTTER THAN YOU.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Chaos
Re: TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME
I HEARD THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE THAT YOU’RE A FAN OF POETRY. ALLOW ME TO PRESENT MY HUMBLE SUBMISSION.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME
Please don’t.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Chaos
Re: HERE’S A PIECE I’VE BEEN WORKING ON
OH LITTLE LADYBUG
WHY DO YOU FLY AWAY
FROM ME?
I NEVER MEANT TO HURT
YOU
OR ME
SHE MEANT NOTHING
NOTHING AT ALL
AND NOW I MOPE
IN NOTHING
CRY CRYSTAL TEARS
OF NOTHING
YOU GAVE ME LIFE
YOU GAVE ME ORDER
WITHOUT YOU LIFE IS CHAOS
BUT WITH
YOU
AND ME
WE ARE HARMONY
WE USED TO LIVE
IN HARMONY
SLEEP AT NIGHT
HARMONIOUS
BABY
COME BACK
I LOVE YOU
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Let me guess
Those morons have been writing you poetry.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Let me guess
You have no idea.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Need a drink?
You wanna grab a beer later?
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Need a drink?
YES. Yes, please. I need to get away from these guys. They just won’t listen to me!
…
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Chaos
FROM: Kuja
Re: Tonight
Leave me alone. I’m spending tonight with Jecht. Anyone who continues pestering me gets a Flare Star to the face.
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor, Kefka Palazzo, Sephiroth
FROM: Jecht
Re: Told ya
Suckers.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kefka
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Kuja
Do you think maybe I should have tried flowers?
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Kefka
Re: Re: Kuja
I’ll bet she likes roses. Chicks like her love that crap.
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Re: Re: Kuja
Where in the Promised Land will I find a rose?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Tidus
Re: Good luck
Good luck, Cloud! We’re rooting for you.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Firion
Re: Be safe
I hope you find the answer you’re looking for. Let me know when you do.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Farewell
Best of luck, Cloud. We’re counting on you.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion, Cecil Harvey, Tidus
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Thanks
Thanks, guys. I’ll be back as soon as I can.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion, Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Finally
Can’t believe it took that long to get rid of him.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: How are you?
Hey, I just wanted to know how you were doing today. Any luck finding your crystal?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: How are you?
I’m fine. Just set out on my own, actually.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Good
That’s good.
Hey, you know you can tell me anything, right? I’m real good at keeping secrets.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: You know
You know, I once knew a girl who dressed up as a pirate and passed herself off as a guy. I think she was just insecure, but I know that pretending to be someone she wasn’t helped her overcome that, at least until she was ready to face her true self.
So if you’ve been hiding who you are, Cloud, it’s okay. I’ll wait for you.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Huh?
That’s… oddly insightful.
Unless you’re saying I should dress up as a girl.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Huh?
Only if it’s what makes you happy.
But whatever you decide about who you are, I believe in you, Cloud. I just wanted you to know that.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Re: Huh?
…Thanks, I guess. But I’m still searching.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Cloud is a girl
I was right. She totally just confirmed it.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Cloud is a girl
We’re racing for our crystals, not for your pathetic dream of a woman.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Re: Cloud is a girl
You’re pathetic!
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Re: Re: Cloud is a girl
Your face is pathetic!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Golbez
Re: Dragons
Can you slay a dragon? What say you, Warrior of Light?
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Re: Dragons
Cease your prattling and fight me!
And can none of you think of a better name than that?
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Dragons
Did someone mention dragons?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Wild rose
Have you seen my rose? I can’t find it anywhere!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Wild rose
No. I thought you gave it to Cloud.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Re: Wild rose
Why would I do that? I’m not going to share.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Firion
Re: Emergency
I need help, guys, I’ve lost my flower.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Emergency
Congratulations!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Oh no!
What did it look like?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Emergency
Have you asked Tidus?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Sephiroth
cc: Firion
Re: Roses
I’ve thought of a wonderful present for you. Shall I give you this wild rose?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus, Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Wild rose
That bastard Sephiroth stole my flower!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Wild rose
Oh ouch, man. I’ve seen him, his sword is really long.
Do you want to talk about it?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Sephiroth stole it?
Well, that explains a lot.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus, Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Sephiroth
I’m going after him! Don’t try to stop me!
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: No!
Cecil, try to stop him!
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: No!
Ow.
Why do I listen to you?
Chapter Text
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Terra?
Terra? Where are you? Please come back.
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: …
I never wanted anything bad to happen to you.
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Please
I’m sorry.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: The girl
We are most pleased with her powers. She fought the young Onion Knight most admirably.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: The girl
Excellent.
Regarding the boy… Was he hurt? Not that I care, of course. I am simply curious. About the girl’s powers.
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: The boy
No, he lives. We certainly did not feel our heart moved by his downcast expression.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: The boy
I am glad. It would be most unfortunate if he were harmed.
Because it would be bad for controlling the girl, probably.
Not because he is cute.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Thanks
Thanks for the pep talk.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Cosmos
Re: When?
What pep talk?
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Just now
The one you just gave me. It really helped.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Just now
Uhh. You’re welcome?
…Just how grateful are you? I could give you another one, if you like.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Your loss
I’m afraid the position of Empress has been filled.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Last night
I had a great time. We should do it again. What are you doing now?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: Last night
I’m busy right now.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Oh
Are you stalking your despicable counterpart, Squall?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: Oh
I am not stalking him. My plan simply requires that I know everything about him. His likes, his dislikes, his strengths, his weaknesses, his favorite foods, his alcohol tolerance, how light a sleeper he is. That sort of thing.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Call me
Well, let me know when you’re free. I can’t wait to see you again.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Cosmos
Why are you so keen to get rid of Cosmos, anyway?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: Garland
Re: Re: Cosmos
She distracts my master from the true path.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: Re: Cosmos
Oh, you’ve got it bad, don’t you?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: Garland
Re: Don’t patronize me
You’re one to talk.
How long have you been watching that boy?
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Oh please
There is nothing untoward about monitoring his movements.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: Garland
Re: Re: Oh please
So I’m sure there is a good reason you’ve drawn little hearts all over that photo you keep in your dress.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: What?!
How did you know about that?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Last night
Thanks for last night. I’ve never really been able to let loose like that. It was nice of you to stick up for me in front of Chaos, too. He just won’t listen to me when I tell him he’s not my type.
I’m glad there’s somebody who understands. You’ve made the last week so much easier for me.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Last night
Hey, that was no big deal. I just did what any friend who happens to be a super strong, extraordinarily good-looking, world-class athlete would do.
Do you wanna hang out again tonight?
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: As friends?
You’re not going to write me a poem, are you?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: As friends?
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I want a beer
Do you want one too?
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Re: As friends?
It’s a date!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: A warning
I heard about you, you little tramp. Stay away from my man!
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: A warning
With pleasure. Let me know when you find one, and I’ll steer clear.
Or were you referring to your little boy toy? Because I think he’s doing everything he can to stay away from you.
And I’m sorry you’re so jealous of my good looks, really I am, but if it’s so easy for a guy like me to look this fabulous, then maybe one day there’ll be hope for a hag like you too. Assuming you don’t age any more than you already have, that is.
But then, when you’re a sorceress of time, I suppose you have to look the part.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Ha!
My little prima donna, don’t you understand? I am the mistress of time. I have conquered not only my own world, but time itself. I hold the fabric of creation in my hands. My will is law, my pain is death. My wrath is so great that it rippled backward to a time long before you were born. I am both Past and Future in one incontrovertible Present; I am the Beginning of all.
Age is nothing to me.
I guess the monkey was right. You are a stupid little girl.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Ha!
Wait, what? Zidane said that?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: I happened to overhear him
I believe his exact words were “Fat. Ugly. Queen.”
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Kuja
Re: DEATH
I AM GOING TO KILL YOU.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: So…
What’s with the tail, anyway?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: So…
What’s with you being so tall?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Tail
Can I touch your tail?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Tail
Can I touch your hair?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Hair
Sure!
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Hair
Awesome.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: No really
Can I touch your tail?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Wow
Your hair is so soft.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Wow
Thanks.
But you still haven’t answered my question.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Re: Wow
Sorry, I just got distracted.
Can I touch it again?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Wait up!
Hey Bartz, where are you going?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Need any help?
Word on the street is that you’re planning to set a trap for your little monkey friend. Anything I can do to help out?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: That depends
You’re not going to sing to me again, are you?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: That depends
Well, I do know a good ditty about a cactuar who wanted to be a chocobo racer…
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: Never mind
Don’t. Just meet me this afternoon.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Just to be clear
Any chance you’ll change your mind about the singing?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Just to be clear
I will have Jecht punch you in the face.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Got it
So no chance of me getting lucky, either?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Got it
Punch. You. In. The. Face.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Score!
Guess who’s got a date with the lovely Kuja tonight?
IT’S NOT YOU.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Strategy
Sorry to cancel on you, but I’m meeting Kefka for a planning session this afternoon. We can still meet later though, right?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Strategy
Hey, no problem. I gotta do some planning of my own anyhow. Let me know if he gives you any trouble, okay?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Score!
I just wanna make one thing clear: you try anything funny with my girl?
I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Golbez
Re: An urgent matter
I must speak with you. This conflict troubles me, and there are urgent matters I wish to discuss.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: An urgent matter
Certainly. I’ll be waiting in my bedroom.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Golbez
Re: Perhaps not
I can’t help but feel that would be inappropriate. Don’t you have an office we can use?
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Perhaps not
My office isn’t safe anymore. It was broken into recently, so I’ve been using the bedroom for all my meetings.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Golbez
Re: …
Very well. But this is only to be a quick discussion. I have little time to waste.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: …
I suppose I can make it “quick.”
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Good luck charm
You know, this lousy feather you gave me isn’t so bad.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: See?
What’d I tell you? It’s more than a feather; it’s a symbol!
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Re: See?
…A symbol of what, exactly?
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Isn’t it obvious?
It’s a symbol of friendship! As long as you’re holding it, it’ll remind you of the people who care about you!
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Whatever
You sure it’s not broken? It kinda just reminds me of you.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Whatever
That’s good! That means it’s working!
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Oh
Well, that’s… kind of nice, actually.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Wow
I figured your armor was so big for a reason, but WOW!
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: Wow
Truly, that was not the reason I wished to see you.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Re: Wow
Well, if you ever need to discuss any urgent matters again, you know where to find me!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Over you
I am so over you. I’ve found a real man.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Chaos
Re: Re: Over you
I’M SURE YOU’RE REAL SATISFIED WITH A GUY WHO ONLY HAS TWO ARMS.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Jealous?
What do you know? Maybe he has as many arms as he wants!
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Chaos
Re: REALLY?
ARE YOU DATING GILGAMESH?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: I quit
I just can’t do this anymore. Terra’s gone, and I can’t find the crystal.
There’s just no point.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: I quit
Even in the darkest of times, light can still shine through.
Where are you? I want to talk with you.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Golbez
Re: Onion Knight
Is it really a good idea for me to tag along?
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Onion Knight
Don’t worry. He probably won’t see you.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: The Lion
Are you sure this is a good idea?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: The Lion
Trust me! Would I lie to you?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: Actually
That’s a very good point. And with that in mind, I think it’s time to abort.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: Actually
Too late! Here he comes!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: How to win
I can do this. I know how to save Terra.
But I thought you should know that I caught Golbez snooping around. You should be careful, he might try to do something dishonorable to you.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Triumph
I can’t believe you fell for that! There’s no way I would work for you—I’ll save Terra with my own strength!
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Re: Triumph
We did not “fall” for anything. We were in no way held captive by the close proximity of your cuteness. Because we do not find you cute.
At all.
We will bring you under our sway one way or another!
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Exdeath
Re: The boy
What is happening? Is the boy all right?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Exdeath
Re: That is
I just wanted to clarify that I do not care about his well-being, or how precious he is. I merely wished to know if you had succeeded in turning him to our side without harming his adorable face.
Because that could be an asset when we have unleashed the Void. No other reason.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Hey
How are you guys doing? I was just thinking about you.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
cc: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Hey
We’re great! Although Zidane keeps petting my hair. But we’re great! How are you? Did you find your crystal yet?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Squall Leonhart
cc: Zidane Tribal
Re: …
Not yet. I just met a friend of Zidane’s though. A woman named Kuja? She seemed pretty angry about something.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
cc: Squall Leonhart
Re: Kuja?
You got a hot friend? How come I never heard about this? You got a picture?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser, Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Kuja?
It’s… complicated.
Thanks for the heads-up, Squall.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Bartz
Why are you touching his hair?
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Bartz
Oh, I just like annoying him. He wouldn’t stop asking about my tail, so I figured it was a good way to distract him.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Oh
I guess I just thought…
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Jealous?
Thought what?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Forget it
It’s not important.
So what does his hair feel like?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Firion
Re: My rose
You will pay for what you’ve done! I will defeat you and retrieve my rose!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Your rose?
It’s my rose now. Do you really think you can beat me?
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Firion
Re: It’s not yours!
I am a master of weapons. I am a decorated war hero. I have been to hell and survived to face its dark lord.
Are you so sure you can beat me?
…
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Firion
Re: Sephiroth
Help! I’m going to die!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Firion
I will not let you get away with what you’ve done.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Re: Firion
Who the hell are you?
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: …
A fiend like you does not deserve to speak my name!
Though you are welcome to invent one.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Crystal
Hey guyys. Jus wanttd to let u kno that I got my cyrstal.
Im realljt tired rigwhkt now. gonnna go slepp.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Chaos
Re: CRYSTALS
YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS. YOU REALLY ARE ACTUALLY SENDING THEM TO GET THE CRYSTALS? I THOUGHT YOU JUST NEEDED AN EXCUSE TO SLEEP AROUND WITH THEM.
YOU CAN’T BE THAT STUPID. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU’RE THAT STUPID.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: CRYSTALS
I should start keeping track of them before I lose count.
And I suppose I should probably keep track of the crystals too.
Chapter Text
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Are you okay?
Bartz? Bartz! Where did you go?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Ow
That really hurt!
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Ow
Tell me what you’ve done with Bartz, and I won’t have to hurt you any more.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: Re: Ow
No thanks! It’s much more fun to watch you squirm.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: The plan
So the good news is that the fake crystal worked like a charm.
The bad news is that we caught the wrong rat.
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: The plan
Please, remind me why I haven’t had the pleasure of watching my athletic friend rip you limb from limb?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: Re: The plan
Maybe you’re just attracted to me. Why bother fighting it?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: For the last time
I. Am. A. MAN.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: For the last time
Oh, I get it, you wear the pants around here.
But I guess wearing pants would be pretty weird for you.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Grr
I hate clowns.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Puppet
I just thought you’d like to know that you’re doing exactly as I planned.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Puppet
Shut up!
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Like a marionette
I knew you would say that. In fact, I orchestrated it.
Why do you even bother fighting?
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Like a marionette
What did you do to Firion? Why did you take his rose?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Forget about them
Why do you care? They don’t seem to care about you.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: SHUT UP
That’s not true.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey, Firion, Tidus
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Guys?
Guys? Are you still there?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Last night
I had a wonderful time last night. I was hoping we could maybe do it again? How’s tonight for you?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Tonight
I think I’m busy. You know, world domination stuff.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: Tonight
What’s going on, Mateus? Did I do something wrong?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: There
You said my name. You called me “Mateus.”
But last night, you called me something else.
Signed, MATEUS, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: I don’t remember that
…I did?
What did I call you?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Hmph
What exactly is your relationship with Squall Leonhart?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: This is about Squall?
Is that what this is about? You’re jealous that I’ve been spending time with him!
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Spending time with him?
You’ve been stalking him!
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Don’t you see?
For us! Everything I’ve done has been for us! If I say a different name in the throes of passion, it’s only because you move me so that I forget myself!
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Oh please
I don’t think this is going to work out.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Just wait
Darling, listen. When I’m with you, I feel on top of the world. I feel that our victory has already been achieved, and all our enemies lie dead upon the ground. Making love with you, I envision myself covered in the blood of my nemesis, writhing naked on the ground in primal pleasure; when I whisper his name, it is because I hold it as the ultimate triumph, the final victory on the path to complete domination. Is it any wonder I can find no other word with which to praise you? You, who have lifted me to such heights, and given to me the greatest pleasure ever known, in hell or in heaven?
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Darling?
Are you still there?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Darling?
…I’ve lost my train of thought.
Tell me more about this fantasy of yours.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: I have to go
Drat. I’ve got a visitor. We’ll have to continue this later.
I’ll stop by tonight.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Wait!
I want to hear more!
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Pest
I hope you’re happy. You interrupted a very steamy conversation, Warrior Man.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Re: Pest
Can none of you think of a better name than that?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Secret
I know something you don’t know.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: Secret
Well, I’ve known something you’ll never know, if you know what I mean. Twice, in fact.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Re: Re: Secret
…No, I don’t know what you mean.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Golbez
Re: Exactly
And you never will.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: On my way
I have defeated several of Chaos’s warriors already, my lady, including the witch Ultimecia.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: On my way
Good job. You are a fine warrior, you Warrior of Light, you.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Re: Re: On my way
I have faith my lady will find a suitable name.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Look
Get that crystal first, and then we’ll talk.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey, Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: I’m back
Sorry for running off like that.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
cc: Cecil Harvey
Re: No worries
It’s okay. Cecil and I are just glad you’re all right.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Tidus
He’s lying. He wasn’t concerned about you at all.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Your rose
Look, if you need to talk about what Sephiroth did to you… I just want to let you know that I’m here for you. I know it must be hard, losing something you can never get back.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Thanks
Thanks, Tidus. I really appreciate that. But don’t worry, I’ll get my flower back someday.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Um
I can say from experience that it really doesn’t work that way.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Kefka
Just wondering if Kefka was giving you any trouble.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Kefka
He tried to grope me. I cast Ultima. I’d say we’re even.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Ouch
You think he would know better by now.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Ouch
Seriously. I don’t know how many times I’ve told him, and he still doesn’t believe me.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Re: Ouch
So you’re really not interested in him, then?
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Ha
I’d say any other girl is more my type.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Oh
You like girls? I didn’t realize.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Oh
You know, I don’t even blame you. Truthfully, I’m used to people making assumptions about me. Doesn’t make it easier, but I get by.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Re: Oh
You know what? I’m cool with it. We’re friends, and I support you.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Ha ha
You’re hilarious. But thank you, even so. You’ve been a true friend to me.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Ha ha
I… I just want you to be happy.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Slow down
You are truly blessed for your copious energy, Tidus.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Tidus
What is wrong with him? He seems rather energetic lately. Suspiciously so. Do you think maybe he’s addicted to the Gysahl greens?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Tidus
Re: Honestly
How many people did you tell to say my name that way? That’s not how it’s pronounced!
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Honestly
Are you sure? That’s how I’ve been saying it your whole life. Why are you trying to change it now?
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Re: Honestly
I’m not the one who’s changing it!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Found you
I’m not your puppet!
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Right
Keep telling yourself that.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: And you know
I like it when you squirm.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Golbez
Re: Now
I need to see you as soon as possible.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Now
Happy to oblige! Shall we meet in the kitchen, as we did last time? Or would you prefer something more intimate?
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Golbez
Re: I don’t have time for this
I know the truth about the crystals.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: I don’t have time for this.
…My office. Now.
We can finish up in the bedroom when we’re done.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Crystal
Wow, I’m so glad I got my crystal. And to think: all I had to do was kick your ass.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Re: Crystal
Don’t flatter yourself. You only got it because I wanted you to.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Yeah right
No one likes a sore loser, Sephiroth.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Puppet master
How many times do I have to tell you? You’ve done exactly as I wished.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Puppet master
Yeah, I’m going to block you now.
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Nice try
Do really think I’d let you do that?
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: …
Cloud? Are you still there?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Crystal
I got the crystal.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Crystal
I’m so pleased! Let me stop by and reward you.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Kuja
Re: Ugh
Sephiroth wants me to tell you that you ignoring him was all part of his master plan, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Kuja
Re: There’s more
He insists I add, “So there, na na na na na.”
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Garland
Re: Blasphemy
You cannot be serious. You cannot hope to overthrow Chaos himself. There’s no way you’ll succeed.
…
MEM O
TO: Garland
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Blasphemy
I’m sorry, whose name is “Emperor” and whose name is not?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Garland
Re: Re: Re: Blasphemy
From what I hear of Ultimecia, you have quite a variety of names after the lights go out.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Ultimecia
I have but one name. Anything else is her prayer to my greater glory.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Garland
Re: Re: Ultimecia
And you actually buy that?
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Re: Ultimecia
Well, considering that I am getting laid, and you are not…
Why yes, yes I do.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence
Chapter Text
MEM O
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Alone
You really shouldn’t travel alone. Please, let me accompany you.
…
MEM O
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Look
I don’t care how dazzling you are. I’m not interested.
…
MEM O
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Re: Look
I am not propositioning you.
Let me travel with you; I only wish to help you.
…
MEM O
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Re: Re: Look
Not a good idea. You would be way too distracting.
Chapter Text
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Just a heads-up
I think I fell into a trap meant for you. Be careful, okay?
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Hello?
Zidane? Are you there?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Kuja
Re: Great job
First you catch the wrong prey, and then you lose him too! If you screw up this next one…
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: Great job
Don’t worry your pretty little head. You’re the one doing the planning this time, remember?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Hi
Are you there? Zidane won’t respond to me, and I’m getting lonely.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Hi
I’m kind of in the middle of something right now.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Oh, okay
So what are you wearing?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Kuja
Re: No really
Why didn’t you kill that pesky Onion Knight? I don’t buy that “let him witness the end” excuse.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: No really
I said what I meant. Let the boy live, for now. He’ll be no threat.
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Kuja
Re: Wait a minute
…Are you afraid of him?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: Wait a minute
Of course not! He is insignificant, and couldn’t inspire fear if he tried. He’s far too cute for that. And in no way dear to me.
But how adorable he is has no bearing on how I plan to crush him to oblivion.
Tell me more of this plan of yours. I do hope to destroy something today.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Whatever
Was it really necessary to attack me? I almost lost my good luck charm.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Re: Whatever
I had to be sure you were firm in your convictions.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Re: Re: Whatever
It seems to me like you’re the one who has trouble trusting others, Mr. Warrior.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Honestly
Is everyone here utterly devoid of creativity when it comes to names?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Annoyance
We tire of this waiting. We want to crush her for what she did to us.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: Annoyance
Leave my toys alone. And why do you care? I thought you’d be trying to get back at the kid.
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Re: Re: Annoyance
He is of no concern to us. It’s not that we are moved to admire his cherubic appearance; it is just that leaving him alive pleases us more than the thought of killing him.
We are not sure why.
Chapter Text
MEM O
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Just checking in
Hey, you seem kind of quiet lately, ever since Golbez showed up. Are you okay?
…
MEM O
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Just checking in
I am well, thank you. There is no need for you to worry.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Tidus
Wow, when did Tidus get so nosy?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: 20 questions
Okay, it’s my turn to ask now. Person, place, or thing?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Nineteen to go
Thing. That’s one.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Nineteen to go
Is it blitzball?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Re: Nineteen to go
Damn it.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Brother…
What did you mean, exactly, when you mentioned the secret of the crystal?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: Brother…
I cannot say. This line is not secure.
But whatever you do, don’t ask Cosmos about it when the two of you are alone in her bedroom.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Golbez
Don’t put any stock in what Golbez says. I know he’s your brother, but he’s still our enemy.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Golbez
You’re right. I’ll put it out of my mind.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Firion
Since when did Firion get so bossy?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Firion
It’s not like that. I don’t think he really gets it, you know? What it’s like when your family’s working for the bad guys, I mean.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Family
I’m glad. I do know how hard that is, you know. When your own family is the enemy.
But you have to persevere; they’ve chosen their path, and you’ve chosen yours.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: You too?
You know what it is when your own family has turned against you? How did it happen?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: You too?
I don’t really remember much about it.
Don’t tell Tidus, okay? It’s hard enough as it is.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Of course
You have my word. Tidus is too much of a gossip to keep a secret like this.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Oh my
Firion says he once had a family member turn on him.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Firion’s evil family
What? How come he never told me?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Firion’s evil family
Perhaps he is ashamed of his relation? He didn’t seem to want you to know.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: What if
You don’t think maybe it’s the Emperor, do you? Firion told me he was raised an orphan and never knew his parents. What if the Emperor is his dad?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: It makes sense
He did seem awfully sympathetic to your plight. Perhaps he knows what it is to lose a father to the darkness.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: It makes sense
I can see why he wouldn’t want to tell us, but still. I thought we were friends.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Concerns
I grow concerned about your loyalty to Chaos. You seem rather too involved in your brother’s actions.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted “Best Evil Laugh” by Pandaemonium Times Annual “Villains to Watch Out For” Charity Dinner
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: Concerns
You grow suspicious of my loyalty to you, you mean. I am ever Chaos’s pawn.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Cosmos
Why then do you continue these secret meetings with Cosmos? I assure you, there is nothing she can give you that Chaos cannot do better.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted “Best Evil Laugh” by Pandaemonium Times Annual “Villains to Watch Out For” Charity Dinner
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: Cosmos
I rather doubt that.
Chapter Text
MEM O
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Watch out
Don’t let yourself be distracted.
…
MEM O
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Watch out
Thank you for your concern. I am glad to have you as a friend, Firion.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Goodness
Firion is such a phony. I can’t believe he still won’t admit to being the Emperor’s son!
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Talk to me
Are you all right? I feel like you’ve been avoiding me lately.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Tidus
Is something wrong with Tidus? He won’t talk to me.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Tidus
He’s just sulking about his father. I don’t think he’s a very good friend. You’re better off without him.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Jecht
Re: No hard feelings?
I hope you’re not still mad about me dating Kuja. I wouldn’t want you to stab me in the back over a girl.
…
ME MO
TO: Jecht
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Please
I am much happier with Ultimecia than I could ever be with that trollop Kuja. Fear not; you’ll get your reward. I gave my word.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted “Best Evil Laugh” by Pandaemonium Times Annual “Villains to Watch Out For” Charity Dinner, MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Please
You really need to stop signing your messages with that. You trying to compensate for something?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: What’s wrong?
Why won’t you talk to me? I miss my best friend.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Golbez
Are you still worried about Golbez? You keep changing the subject every time I bring it up.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Golbez
Are you still fighting with Firion? You seem lovelorn.
Chapter Text
MEM O
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Sleep
How long were we asleep, anyway? It all seems so foggy to me.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Re: Sleep
Um… How much do you remember?
…
MEM O
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Nap
Well, we were traveling, and then I guess we took a nap?
…
MEM O
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Re: Nap
Yeah, I guess.
We need to keep going. Still gotta find your crystal.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Wait
Is there something you’re not telling me?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Garland
Re: My lord
Why have you not responded to my inquiries?
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Chaos
Re: YOU KNOW WHAT
HONESTLY I JUST THINK YOU’RE KIND OF CREEPY.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Garland
Re: But
I have already told you: it would be no more than the elf prince loving himself!
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Chaos
Re: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
AND I DON’T THINK THERE WERE TWO OF HIM.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: My love
I cannot bear the thought of another moment spent apart from you. I’ve prepared a special picnic just for us in my palace.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: My love
I will be honest: I hate your palace.
It is a monstrosity. It is unpleasant and ugly, and I cannot enjoy any pleasures you might give to me there.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Pandaemonium
Surely you jest.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: Pandaemonium
The walls pulse, Mateus. And there’s some sort of disgusting slime that oozes across the floor. I have to shower every time I come back from there, and do you have any idea how long it takes to clean this outfit?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Laundry
Come naked then, I don’t care. Just get over here.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: Laundry
I will not set one foot in your palace.
If you want to spend the night with me, you’re going to have to do it in a place where the walls don’t scream with the tortured cries of the damned.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Damn it, woman
Where’s the fun in that?!
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Tell me
What’s this I’ve been hearing about a young witch that Kefka’s trying to brainwash?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Garland
Re: Re: Tell me
Come see for yourself.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Re: Tell me
Just tell me about the mind control. Will she do anything she’s commanded? Even if she really, really doesn’t want to and thinks your taste in décor is somewhat lacking?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
Chapter Text
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Nice try
You can’t ignore me forever, Cloud. I’m a part of you.
Forever.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Thanks again
You’re always cheering me up. I’m glad you’re with me.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Re: Thanks again
I could never leave you, Terra. No matter what happens, I’ll do whatever it takes to make it right.
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Come on!
I’m bored, Cloud. I’m surrounded by idiots, and you just keep ignoring me.
Why won’t you respond to any of my messages?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Tidus
Tidus still won’t talk to me. He just shrugs and turns away whenever I try to ask him a question. Please Cecil, you’ve got to help me!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Tidus
Perhaps he is still upset about his father. Perhaps the fact that his father is a notorious villain that he will have to face in battle is a daunting prospect, and he is not sure how to deal with it. Maybe if you were more understanding, he wouldn’t be so mad. Maybe if you too knew what it was like to learn your father sides with the forces of evil, he would find you more relatable.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Re: Tidus
…You’re right. I shouldn’t be so hard on him. It must be difficult to have a father like Jecht, and I can’t expect Tidus to face him so easily.
Thank you, Cecil. You’ve been a big help.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: I’m sorry
I was talking with Cecil, and I know why you’re upset with me. I don’t blame you. I shouldn’t have said the things I did. I’ll try to be more open in the future.
This isn’t easy for any of us, you know. You’re not as alone as you might think.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: I’m sorry
…Thanks.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: So
Are we still friends?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: So
Yeah, I guess we are.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Well?
What did Firion say? Is the Emperor really his father or not?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Well?
He dropped a lot of hints. But I don’t think he’s ready to talk about it yet.
Maybe I pushed him too hard. Do you think he might be mad at me?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Oh for the love of
Will you two just make out and be done with it?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Fight with Garland
Why’d you run away from the fight? You should’ve let me smack the ol’ tin can for you.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Fight with Garland
Jecht, you’re the best friend I could ever hope for, but I can’t have you fighting all my battles. I won’t deny that it’s been easier on me since you’ve come to my defense, but sometimes I have to be the one to prove my strength.
I can’t always rely on you.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Re: Fight with Garland
You don’t think I’m reliable.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: I didn’t say that
That’s not what I meant and you know it.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: I didn’t say that
Has my kid been telling you things? ’Cause I admit I wasn’t the best father, but I was always on his side. And I’d be on your side too, if you let me.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Re: I didn’t say that
You’re not on his side now.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: I just remembered
I’m busy tonight. I have to cancel.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Moping
We need to talk. I think what Golbez said is getting to you. You’re all brooding and snarky. More than usual, I mean.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Moping
I don’t see how that concerns you, unless you were going to offer me tips on how to achieve that perfect whine. Exactly how do you add that nasal quality to it?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: You just proved my point
Don’t make me corner you.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: A compromise
It is obvious to me that we will accomplish nothing by refusing to speak to each other. I propose we settle on a separate location for our activities, one on which we can both agree. And to make it fair, we will have a third party mediate for us.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: A compromise
I am amenable to your suggestion. Whom did you have in mind?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: You were right
Thank you, Tidus. I hope Firion doesn’t give you too hard a time about me leaving.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Firion
Let me worry about Firion. You go find your brother.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Firion
I’ll let you know when I find my answer. Have fun making up with Firion.
Besides, this will give the two of you some time alone.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Re: Firion
Huh? Time alone for what?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: The Emperor
Re: A proposition
Would you be willing to mediate an argument between my beloved and myself? We wish to make use of your lair for the occasion, and your reward will be great.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Re: A proposition
I suppose I have nothing better to do.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Excellent
We shall arrive shortly.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Re: Excellent
It’s been a while since I handled a lovers’ quarrel.
…Wait. You’re not going to try to have sex here, are you?
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Not again
Answer me!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Cecil’s leaving
Hehe, so I guess you saw right through me.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Cecil’s leaving
It wasn’t that hard. You’re not very good at keeping secrets, Tidus.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Re: Cecil’s leaving
Yeah, I guess you would know about keeping secrets.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Fighting Jecht
Are you sure you’re okay with this?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Fighting Jecht
Why do you keep asking me that? A few days ago you were telling Cecil to give up on his brother, but now you’ve completely turned around on the issue. I can’t keep up with you.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Re: Fighting Jecht
I’m just trying to be more understanding.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Hypocrite
Get off your high horse. You want me to open up, maybe you should follow your own advice!
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Hypocrite
Don’t you dare call me a hypocrite. I should open up to you? I’ve been trying! You wouldn’t talk to me for days just because I wasn’t sympathetic enough!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Mood swings
Oh look, you’re angry again. Big surprise. You gonna be all “understanding” tomorrow?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Mood swings
Well how do you want me to feel? Did you want me to be mad that Cecil went running off on a fool’s errand? Because I will if that’ll make you happy!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: You know what
I really don’t care what you think. I’m going to bed.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: You know what
Likewise!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: I hate him
Firion’s a jackass.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Can’t stand him
Tidus is a whiny bitch.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus, Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Really, you two?
Just get a room already!
Chapter Text
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: One more time
Just thought I’d give a shout, in case you could hear me.
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor, Ultimecia
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Your offer
Your offer has been rejected. Find another lair for your dirty business and get out.
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Haha
Why do so many of Chaos’s warriors have really long hair? I just spotted a bunch of them in a secret meeting, so I’ll message you back if I don’t get caught.
Just in case you’re reading this.
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Whoops
I think they spotted me.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: The Emperor
Re: A proposal
I have need of your lair. I offer some information regarding the whereabouts of that Bartz character in exchange.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: A proposal
You want to have sex here, don’t you?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Affirmation
I wish to reaffirm my devotion to you.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Affirmation
Thank you, my brave warrior. I shall believe in you always.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Re: Re: Affirmation
And I in you! Truly, we share a rare, unbreakable bond.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Sure
I’m sure we do.
You wouldn’t happen to know where Squall got to, would you? He probably needs some encouraging…
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Re: Sure
…I passed him not too long ago.
But. I do not think he is the sort of man who would appreciate the company of a lady.
If you understand my meaning.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Exdeath
Re: The Onion Knight
Where is the boy? I must see him.
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: The Onion Knight
I see no reason to allow him to fall into your vile clutches.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: Re: The Onion Knight
You forget which side you’re on. Tell me where he is!
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Golbez
Re: Never
Don’t make me laugh.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: Never
I am coming for you. Expect no mercy; you are definitely not cute.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
cc: Tidus
Re: Hurry
Hurry up and come back. I can’t stand another minute with this idiot who can’t even pronounce his own name right.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
cc: Firion
Re: Please
I know what you’re doing now is important, so I won’t ask you to come back. I’m sure Firion would, but that’s because he’s a loser who has no idea what it’s like to waste years of your life living with someone who hates your guts and does everything he can to make your life miserable.
So take your time. I can handle it, even if he can’t.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
cc: Tidus
Re: Oh yeah
And if Tidus asks, tell him that I’m not talking to him. I’d tell him myself, but I wouldn’t want to trigger any flashbacks to his pitiful childhood spent with a neglectful parent that he just couldn’t get to love him. Maybe if he could get over it I’d ask him how his day was, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Oh, that reminds me! Did Tidus tell you that he can hold his breath until he passes out? I think he only mentioned it several thousand times.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
cc: Firion
Re: One more thing
I just thought I’d mention that Firion is an impulsive snotbag who never even knew his own parents because he’s an orphan. I’m sure the pain he felt at losing them at such a young age is the real reason he gets so jealous of those of us who actually have a family, even one as messed up as mine.
It’s all right, though. He channeled that pain into the ten thousand weapons he keeps stashed up his ass.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
cc: Tidus
Re: Is that all you got?
I’d like to remind you that Tidus is the scum of the earth, capable of only striking a low blow because he’s too stupid to actually find a real reason to dislike someone. It must stem from his horrible, loathsome life as a beloved child celebrity who was adored by thousands for his athletic prowess. What an awful life. It’s no wonder he cries so much.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
cc: Firion
Re: That the best you can do?
I guess I wouldn’t know what it’s like to never be loved. After all, I was never desperate enough to make out with a snake.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
cc: Tidus
Re: I told you that in confidence!
Tidus couldn’t even score with a snake if it bit him in the ass.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
cc: Firion
Re: At least I’m not a monster magnet
It’s probably better that you left Firion behind. All the people he travels with end up dying.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
cc: Tidus
Re: I SAY ENOUGH
Tidus’s mother is a whore.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
cc: Firion
Re: YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE
Firion’s mother was a fat slob.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus, Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: That’s it
I am blocking you both.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: We need to talk
I know you’re upset. Let me try to fix this.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: We need to talk
That’s not such a good idea. I think maybe we should take a break.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Why?
What are you so afraid of?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Why not?
I ain’t scared. I just want something more out of this relationship, and you’ll obviously never give that to me.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: I don’t understand
One beer? Just tell me what you want from me. I miss you.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: I don’t understand
It’s better if we don’t.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: What happened to us?
I really thought we had something, Jecht. I’ve never felt this close to anyone. Is being my friend just too hard for you? Tell me what I did wrong, and I’ll fix it! I promise. I want us to be friends forever.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Chaos
Re: WHAT
ARE YOU CRYING?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Sorry about earlier
Looks like Ultimecia’s been disguising herself as you. Guess it wasn’t you who gave me that pep talk, huh?
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Pep talk?
Oh, that must have been so terrible for you!
Do you need me to come ’round and cheer you up?
Chapter Text
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Help
Where did you go? Are you all right?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Stop!
What did you do to him? Where is he? Answer me, Kefka!
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Please!
I don’t remember what I did to you. I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Just please answer me. I have to know that you’re all right.
I don’t know what to do when you’re not near me.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Surprise!
I thought I’d stop by for a surprise visit, darling. Are you in the tower?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: Surprise!
Don’t come in!
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Re: Surprise!
…Are you naked in there? I thought you had a meeting with Squall.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: …
Oh.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Wait!
It’s not what it looks like!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Shut it
Honestly, how many times do I have to SMACK you, kid?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Re: Shut it
What do you want with Terra, anyway? Why can’t I contact her?
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: Re: Shut it
You should know better by now, whelp. Never get between a clown and his toys.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: I met with Golbez
It didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Aftermath
What happened?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Aftermath
Golbez told me what I needed to do. And I failed.
Then he said I’d disappointed him, and he left. I don’t know what to do.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Get over it
Your closest family member cut you down, and then when you couldn’t meet his unrealistic expectations he abandoned you? Well gee, I have no idea what that feels like.
Take a page out of my book, Cecil. Go find him and give him a piece of your mind.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: My brother
Things didn’t go so well. I guess you were right. I never should have tried to reach out to him.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: My brother
Don’t say that. So things didn’t go as well as you hoped. So what? Are you any worse off than you were before?
If it’s not working out, just come on back. We’ll be waiting.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Tidus
Tidus thought I should keep going.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Let me tell you a secret
Tidus is a moron.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Oh, no
We are not starting that again. Either you two make up, or I will lock you in a room together until you’ve fallen sobbing into each others’ arms or killed each other. And I don’t particularly care which.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: You and Firion
I am sick and tired of hearing you two bitch and moan about each other. Don’t make me come back there.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: You and Firion
I didn’t say anything! What has he been telling you? He’s lying! That’s all he’s ever done!
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus, Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Sweet Cosmos
I’m the only one allowed to complain about you two idiots. So you have until I get back to become friends again. Or else.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Cecil
What did you say to him? So you’re talking behind my back now?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Cecil
I said nothing that hasn’t already been said.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Yeah right
Cut the crap. Whatever you want to say, just say it to my face! Or are you too much of a coward?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Yeah right
You really want to know?! Fine! Come on over here and I’ll TELL you!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Help
Goddess, give me strength. I don’t know if I can go on alone.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Help
Oh, well, I’m not normally into that, dear, but I don’t mind a little experimentation. Just let me clear my schedule first.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Kuja
That Kuja chick is pretty hot. Shame you missed out.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Kuja
Trust me, you’re not her type.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Re: Re: Kuja
We’ll see about that.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Single
I heard Jecht dropped you like a Wutai ninja. How about I come on over tonight and make you feel better?
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Kuja
Re: I cannot say this enough
1. I’m not a girl, so
2. Jecht and I were never dating, because
3. I’m not a girl, which means
4. I will never be interested in you. Also:
5. Still not a girl!
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Score
She’s totally mine.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Jecht
Re: Hey
You doin’ anything right now? I gotta drown my sorrows.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: Hey
What is the matter?
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Jecht
Re: Life
Oh, nothing new. I’m a terrible father, my son wants to kill me, I hate my boss, and the girl I’m crazy about just wants to be friends.
What’s new with you?
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: Life
My brother can’t take a hint. And I’m doomed to work for an incompetent boss who cares more about showing up his old girlfriend than actually accomplishing anything.
An old girlfriend, by the way, that I have failed to not sleep with four times now, because I can’t stop feeling sorry for myself.
And she still wouldn’t hire me.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Jecht
Re: Ouch
That’s rough.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Sorry
I’m sorry I stabbed you.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Sorry
…Yeah, thanks for that.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: I’m waiting
…Well? You know why I did it.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: I’m waiting
…I’m sorry I took your bandana. That was wrong, and petty. Maybe not as petty as stabbing someone, but still wrong. I shouldn’t have overreacted, and I apologize.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Apology accepted
I forgive you.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Oh by the way I was being sarcastic
Gee, I feel so much better now.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Jecht
Re: That’s it
I’ve made up my mind. I need to get over Kuja, and the only way I’m gonna do that is by finding another woman.
Exactly how easy is Cosmos, anyway?
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: That’s it
You would abandon your true feelings so readily?
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Jecht
Re: Cosmos
Shut up and answer the question.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: Cosmos
It should not be too difficult. I’d recommend you remove your shirt, but I think you’ve already got the idea.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: Garland
Re: The Emperor
What did you do to him? He used to spend every second plotting against the rest of us, and now he does nothing but mutter under his breath about the treachery of women.
Granted, this is somewhat of an improvement, but I’m still concerned.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: The Emperor
I have done nothing! He’s got the wrong idea about me and Squall, that’s it. I told him he was mistaken, and he said he believed me. Why can’t he just let it go?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: Garland
Re: Squall
He asked me to chaperone your meeting with Squall.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: Squall
What?! But that would ruin all my plans! Can’t we not, and say we did?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: Garland
Re: Don’t misunderstand
You can do whatever you want. I’m not going to lie for you, though. This farce has gone on long enough.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: Don’t misunderstand
…Oh, very well. I can’t believe he doesn’t trust me! You can tag along, and I promise I won’t do anything to keep you distracted.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Garland
Get over here, little monkey. I know where your missing friend is. Garland took him; keep him busy for me and you just might get him back.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Jecht
Re: So…
I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do something later?
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: So…
Come on over. I’m baking cookies in the kitchen.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Re: So…
Oh, that sounds good.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Cosmos
Re: In fact
It’s very hot in here. So hot, you see, that I’m only wearing an apron.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: In fact
You don’t have to tell me twice.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Report
What happened with Ultimecia? How did her meeting go?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Garland
Re: Re: Report
Less than satisfactory. Squall has achieved his crystal, and I was attacked by the little monkey freak.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Re: Report
But she is not unfaithful?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Garland
Re: Did you not hear me?
She is dead, for now.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Did you not hear me?
Perfect. I only care that she did not betray my love. If she has to die to do it, all the better.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: So um
You were a big help back there against Ultimecia.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Heh
Don’t start thinking you’re so special. I would’ve helped anyone!
We gotta hurry, though. We still have to rescue Bartz.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: About that
I’m sure he’s okay.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: About that
You seem pretty concerned about him. Are you starting to care?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Re: Re: About that
…Maybe I am.
But don’t go thinking he’s anything special to me.
You wouldn’t happen to know if he’s seeing anyone, would you?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Ye gods
Are you sure you’re not divine? I can’t get you out of my head! I need another taste of that bronzed MAN.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Ye gods
Thanks, babe. You were great too, but I can’t be tied down.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Cosmos
Re: More
I MUST HAVE YOU.
And did I mention I’m baking cookies again?
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: More
I’ll be right over.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Goddess
I must speak with you. I need your guidance.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Goddess
Can it wait a few minutes? I’m kind of tied up right now.
…
MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Help!
What’s happening to me? Is anyone there?!
I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore!
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: …
Terra?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: We need to talk
We have to work this out.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: We need to talk
Fine. Let’s get this over with.
But I don’t want to have to look at your stupid face.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: I’ll just keep messaging you then
You’re my best friend, Tidus. And I thought you felt the same way, but then you stopped talking to me for no reason at all. And you know what? I don’t think I did anything wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have told Cecil off for wanting to go after Golbez, but I did realize that I’d crossed a line, and I tried to be more accepting. And nothing I did made you happy. What happened to us?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: My story
What happened is that I found out you’ve been keeping secrets from me. Cecil told me. About your family. And I know it’s hard, and you might not want to talk about it, I get that. What I don’t get is why you would lie about it to me. I trusted you, and you treated my problems like they didn’t matter, when you knew damn well how important it was to me.
So don’t talk to me about trust. You’re the one who’s been lying.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: My story
That’s the thing about betrayal; it makes it harder for you to trust again. Fine, so you found out about my brother. Do you have any idea how much it hurt when he turned against me and called himself an emperor? I didn’t ever want anyone to hurt me like that again. I’ve been trying so hard to overcome that, and the reason I didn’t want you to know is because I have trouble acknowledging it. I’m sorry I confided in Cecil instead of you, but I only told him because I was afraid he would take the same path my brother did, and embrace the side of himself that’s a dark knight.
But you, Tidus? You’re my brother, now. I couldn’t tell you because it meant that I’d have to open myself to the possibility that one day, you might betray me just like he did.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Betrayal
…You stabbed me.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Betrayal
I said I was sorry!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Okay
And all those things you said to Cecil about me?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: You’re one to talk
You said awful things about me, too.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Oh right
Did I mention that you stabbed me?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Oh right
I gave you my last Phoenix Down, didn’t I?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Re: Oh right
Yeah, that’s true.
…I’m sorry about your brother.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Finally
I’m sorry too.
But even after everything my brother put me through, I still found something to believe in.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Finally
…You’re not gonna say “Friendship” or something like that, are you?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Don’t flatter yourself
I mean my dream. Something to fight for. It’s what my wild rose stood for, why I was so upset when I lost it. But I’ll keep fighting for it, even when it’s gone.
And if you’ll fight by my side, one day, the dream will be real.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Don’t flatter yourself
The dream… will be real?
I’d like that.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: What about you?
Do you have a dream, Tidus?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Let’s just say
You should never underestimate the power of dreams.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: I want to make sure
So… Are we friends again?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: That depends
Are you gonna tell me what this dream of yours is?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: That depends
You’ll just have to trust that it’s worth fighting for.
But if you find my wild rose, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Wait
Do you mean your wild rose is literally a wild rose?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Wait
Huh? What did you think it was?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Re: Wait
Uh… Never mind.
Tell you what, you pretend I never asked that, and we go back to the way we were before: friends. Deal?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Deal!
Best friends.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: My prayers
Thank you for coming to see me. I will stand firm in my convictions.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: My prayers
Glad to be of service.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Re: My prayers
So, er… I thought it was customary that when you visited, we would, uh… you know.
That’s what Bartz said anyway. And Zidane.
And my brother.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Look
I have no idea what you’re talking about, and I resent the implication that I’m nothing but a cheap floozy who’ll jump any man who catches my fancy.
Call me when you get your crystal, and then we’ll talk.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Again
I’m sorry I attacked you. Truly.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Again
It wasn’t your fault. You don’t have to keep apologizing.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: But
I just feel bad about it. And now you’re helping me find my friend, too.
You’re really a wonderful person, Cloud. I just want you to know that.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: …
…Thanks.
And… You’re really pretty, Terra.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Kuja
Re: You’re pathetic
I heard you couldn’t even best Golbez’s pathetic little brother.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Exdeath
Re: SILENCE
Go away. I am scheming.
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Kuja
Re: Forget that
How would you like to be involved in a plan that will work for a change?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Intriguing
I’m listening.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Boooooooored
I’m so booooooooooored. Can we just skip to the end already?
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: You probably can’t hear me
But guess who just got their crystal?
It was just hovering there, over a pit of lava, surrounded by all of Chaos’s forces, and a moat made of snakes!
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Firion and the Emperor
I guess we were wrong about the Emperor being Firion’s dad.
He’s actually Firion’s brother.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: I’m getting worried
I hope he’s okay.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: I’m getting worried
I’m sure he’ll be fine.
So, are you and the Onion Knight… together?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Re: I’m getting worried
No, I really don’t think he sees me that way.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Oh my wind crystal
Guys! Guys! You’ll never guess what I found! It’s a talking rock!
It’s a rock. That talks. This is so much cooler than my talking turtle!
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Oh my wind crystal
Get back to work. I don’t pay you to chat with the shiny things you find on the ground.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Whoa
You’re paying us?!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Wild rose
I’m just gonna keep asking, you know. Might as well tell me now and save yourself the trouble.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Wild rose
I’ll make sure to tell everyone but you if you keep pestering me.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Hey Firion
What’s the wild rose?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Best night of my life
I must have died and gone to heaven. Is this what a little death feels like? I could definitely get used to it.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Best night of my life
Haha, tell me about it.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Re: Best night of my life
It was so great I don’t even care that you kept calling me “Kuja.”
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Jecht
Re: About that
Yeah, would you mind not mentioning that to anyone?
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Not a problem
There’s nothing to be ashamed of. That Kuja chick is pretty hot.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: How’re you doing?
You sure you’re okay with splitting up? You’re still recovering from that, ah, stab wound.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: How’re you doing?
Hmm, it might be tough. Maybe if you tell me about the wild rose, I’ll be able to handle it.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Re: How’re you doing?
Nice try.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Dreams
A world full of flowers… That’s a beautiful dream for us to share.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Dreams
Well, like you said, it was really Firion’s idea.
He seems like a really great guy! Do you know if he’s seeing anyone?
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: …
We should get moving. We still have to rescue your friend.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: What was that all about?
Why would you just attack me like that? I didn’t do anything to you!
…
MEM O
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Golbez
Re: A word of warning
Be careful not to lose yourself in the light. The darkness will only betray you.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Oh yeah?
Light may shine as you walk ahead, but the darkness always follows close behind.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Golbez
Re: Pitiful
Imitation belies the sincerity of truth.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Anything you can do…
Truth shines brighter than wisdom, and so blinds those who seek it.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Golbez
Re: Or perhaps a worthy opponent
The fool seeks to know nothing, for then all he has learned will come to naught.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: …I can do better!
The fool will grow wiser than the wise man who strives not to look the fool.
Which reminds me: Have you seen Zidane anywhere? I have to tell him something.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: The boy
I will be busy for a while. Kefka has acquired the boy, and has offered him to me in exchange for my help in securing the girl.
I cannot wait to wrap my tentacles around him… I intend to squeeze the life from him, of course.
I most certainly will not hug him.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Psst
I heard about your dream, for a world full of wild roses. I think it’s beautiful. I’d really like it if you could tell me some more.
Maybe we could get together sometime and talk about it?
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Psst
…Why are we whispering?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Exdeath
Re: A true ending
You will never understand how little I care about your petty concerns.
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: A true ending
So you’ve said. Repeatedly.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: Re: A true ending
Inside my armor is an emptiness where all emotions go to die. My caring exists in nonexistence, unfelt deep within the endless expanse of the Void.
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Golbez
Re: Indeed
You care so little, it seems, that you feel the need to gloat about it to anyone who cares to listen. And even to those who do not.
Truly, I marvel at how uncaring you can be.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Re: Indeed
I am glad of it.
Now, I have business to attend to. I’ve heard a rumor that Kefka has located the boy, and I mean to hunt him down. And I don’t care about him either, not his button nose nor his rosy cheeks.
Notice how the fact that he is unbearably adorable has no effect on me whatsoever. That is how filled with nothingness I am.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Back off
Stay away from my girl.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Back off
You got a girl, Cloud? Congratulations! Is it Kuja? I know she’s basically evil, but she is kinda hot.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Cloud’s girl
Has Cloud told you yet? He has a girlfriend!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Cloud’s girl
Really? Who is it? ‘Cause I don’t think Cosmos really counts.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: heyy
heeeeey . Heyyyh. yur real pritty, ya kno? mayb we coudl gget a drnik sumtime
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Ramuh’s beard
How much have you been drinking?!
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: hah a
99 botttles obeer oon teh waaaaaaaall…
9( botltes off beeeeeeer
tak 1 dwon passit aroud
99bootles of brrr on th wall
I can t count;the ntmberss jeeo mufung
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Audible sigh
Where are you? I don’t want you to get hurt trying to walk home.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: hey
your nice
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Yes
I think you’re nice too. Now tell me where you are and I’ll take you home.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: knw what
immin the blitzzb all plawe .thers lotsa fire nd it look liek home
and alot ob bottls/
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: I’m on my way
Don’t move. I’m coming over.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: …
I’m sure it’s in poor taste to be asking this when you’re not sober, but…
You keep saying you like me, and I believed it; so why did you stop talking to me?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: teeeedus
yo’ure tiedus
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: ???
…That doesn’t make any sense.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: no
Im no good at thiis
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Not at all
No, apparently not. Forget it, it was a stupid idea.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedus
im alwys a jrek 2 the peaple i luv
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Oh
Well, I’ve gotten used to that. I care about you too, you stupid lunk. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: no
but i don wnna be frends
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: I know
You made that abundantly clear when you cut me off.
I still don’t know why, though.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: zanrknad
cauze you dont wnt me
yu liek grrls
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: …
Are you saying that you’re…
Well, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I certainly don’t mind. It definitely explains a few things I’ve been wondering about you.
Unless you mean that you think I am a girl, but you don’t mean that.
…Do you?
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Oh
You bastard. I thought you were my friend, I trusted you, but you’re just like the others!
I hope you rot.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: …
Why did you come and see me, anyway? Did you just want to make fun of me?
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Golbez
Re: Re: …
Be watchful. It is not safe here.
Also, I have brought you some cookies. Cosmos and I were making them.
With luck, this will be the last batch we ever make.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Re: Re: …
Thanks, I guess?
And if you don’t wanna help her bake them anymore, tell her I’d love to take your place.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Golbez
Re: Perhaps
It would be better if I did not. Her baking techniques are extremely advanced.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Thanks
You may not know it, but you really inspired me.
Is there any way I can repay you?
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Thanks
I really didn’t do anything.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Re: Thanks
But you did, just by being yourself!
Maybe we could do something together then, as a fun little compromise?
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Firion
Re: I dunno
Uh, sure. I guess. Maybe we could bake cookies or something later? I heard Cosmos has a killer recipe.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: OH
Oh, um, I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Firion
Re: Don’t worry
It can’t be too difficult. And we can get Tidus to help us.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Don’t worry
Um, maybe we should think of something else to do.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Garland
Re: The truth
Pitiful Warrior, you could not bear to know the truth behind this conflict.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: The “truth”
You cannot dissuade me; whatever tricks you have used to rise from the dead will not save you! There will be no Phoenix Downs where I am sending you.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
cc: Tidus
Re: What’s happening?
We haven’t heard from you in a while. Did you work things out with Golbez?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
cc: Tidus
Re: Busy!
Stop bothering me! I’m in the middle of fighting him!
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
cc: Firion
Re: Re: Busy!
Are you winning?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus, Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Enough
I’m blocking you two again.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Congratulations
Congratulations on getting your crystal, Terra. I knew you could do it.
We should do something to celebrate. Just the two of us.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Thank goodness!
I’m so glad you’re safe!
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Re: Thank goodness!
I always believed in you, Terra. Whenever I was down, I just had to think of you, and I felt safe. You’re my inspiration.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife, Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Love
I’m so happy, you two! I feel like I could kiss you!
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Love
I feel the same way. I have for a long time.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Re: Love
You shouldn’t kiss him! Look at how his eyes glow, he probably has some sort of disease.
I really don’t trust this Cloud guy, Terra. He takes too long to make a complete sentence.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Umm
Did something happen last night? I have this awful hangover and I woke up outside your door but you weren’t there…
I didn’t do anything, did I?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Come on
Kuja? Why won’t you talk to me?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Guess what?
I got my crystal, and it was all thanks to your inspiring example!
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Guess what?
Hey, that’s great! When me and Tidus have our crystals, we should celebrate.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Celebration
Terra wants to do something together once we both have our crystals.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Celebration
Cool. Does she like swimming?
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Firion
Re: Beach
Tidus thinks we should go to the beach. How does that sound?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Beach
Well actually, I was thinking the two of us could have dinner.
And you could bring me those flowers you love.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Firion
Re: Dinner
That sounds great! Can Tidus come?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Almost there
Bartz is close, I can feel it.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Almost there
You uh, really like him, don’t you?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Re: Re: Almost there
I’m not gay!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Exdeath
Re: Not funny
I’m sure you put a lot of effort into it, but I do not appreciate having my armor polish replaced with a defoliant.
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: Not funny
I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. I’m too busy being DEAD. Don’t interrupt!
Some people can be so RUDE.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: There!
Bartz! I can see Bartz!
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Hey!
I found you! Can you finally hear me?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Hey!
Were you sending me messages this whole time?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Re: Hey!
Oh man, wait ‘til I get closer. I have the biggest surprise for you.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus, Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Mission accomplished
I found the crystal.
Are you two friends yet?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
cc: Tidus
Re: No
We’re best friends.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
cc: Firion
Re: Yeah
We’ll be friends forever!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion, Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Fantastic
Then I’m on my way.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Firion
I think Firion is planning to cut off your access to the Gysahl greens.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Tidus
Tidus told me he thinks you’re ugly.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Victory
After much hardship, I have received my crystal.
Do I get a prize now?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Victory
All right, but leave your helmet on.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: …
Well, that didn’t work.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Urgh
How could I have been so stupid?! I should’ve known it was a fake crystal!
What if Zidane gets hurt because of me?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Re: Urgh
He’ll be fine. He can handle himself.
Will it make you feel better if we hug?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Assassination
I’ll leave it to you to handle Golbez.
Leave Shinryu to me.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor, Exdeath
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Shinryu
I heard someone mention dragons. I demand to know every detail of the conversation.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Shinryu
I said “Shinryu,” not “dragons.”
And where were you listening from, anyway?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Re: Re: Shinryu
I was cuddled up with Ultimecia under a nearby blanket. I would have just stood up and asked you about the dragon directly, but Ultimecia was asleep and I didn’t want to disturb her.
She was the one who told me about Shinryu, if you must know. Cried it out in her sleep.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Ultimecia
I hope for your sake that you are lying, because if what you just said is true, I will stuff you so full of knives you will turn into a human cactuar.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Tidus
Re: Coward
Where are you going, you coward! Come back and fight me!
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Jecht
Re: Jackass
Next time I wanna fight my kid, you let me fight my damn kid!
Don’t you dare hurt him. I’m the only one allowed to do that.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Jecht
Re: And you
Shut it. I’m sick of your cryptic attitude. It just makes me feel guilty, and I don’t like feeling guilty.
I got enough problems.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Answer me
Are you still “dead”? Because I want to have a word with you about where you’ve hidden my Masamune. The Emperor’s on the warpath, and I need it.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: From beyond the grave…
Huh. Believe it or not, that one wasn’t me.
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: Masamune
…So you didn’t steal my sword and replace it with a banana?
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Nope
Wish I had. Sounds like a fun time.
But no. I made that Cloud plush doll with your extra pair of pants while you were getting spoony with Ultimecia, but I can’t take credit for the sword thing.
…
MEMO
TO: Gilgamesh
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: My Masamune
I want my sword back.
NOW.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Firion
Re: Your son
If you were looking for Tidus, I found him. He’s right heWq;d mfst9sGfuh
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Whoops
Sorry about the yelling. I just felt like screaming all of a sudden.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Firion
Re: Your son
Your son is kind of a fruitcake.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: The Emperor
Why do you hate him so much? I mean, he definitely deserves whatever beating you wanna dish out, but you always act like it’s kinda personal.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: The Emperor
He took someone I loved, and corrupted him. He twisted him into a dark shadow of himself, and all that was left was someone who couldn’t care about what he’d become.
That and he also destroyed my home country, killed most of my friends and family, devastated the countryside, and from what I can recall, reigned a literal hell on earth, so…
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Your brother
That guy… Was that your brother?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Your brother
Yes.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Confirmed
Yeah, the Emperor’s definitely Firion’s brother.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: The Emperor is Firion’s brother?
That’s awfully hypocritical of him. Aren’t you going to confront him about it?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: I don’t think so
Nah. We’re friends; if he wants to tell me, that’s up to him. He doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: I’m impressed
That is very mature of you, Tidus.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Just so you know
Tidus has been talking about you behind your back. He’s been telling everyone about how the Emperor is your brother but you want to keep it a secret.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Just so you know
Wait, what?!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: It’s over
I know about you and Sephiroth. Honestly, Ulty, how many men do I have to kill before there’s no one left for you?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted “Best Evil Laugh” by Pandaemonium Times Annual “Villains to Watch Out For” Charity Dinner, Co-founder of Tyrant of Epic Proportions Oil Drilling Industries
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: It’s over
I thought he was you!
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Please
I’m insulted.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted “Best Evil Laugh” by Pandaemonium Times Annual “Villains to Watch Out For” Charity Dinner, Co-founder of Tyrant of Epic Proportions Oil Drilling Industries, President of Villainous Hair Care, Inc.
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: No really
It was very dark when I bumped into him, you both have low, sensual voices, and his long hair was swirling about his lithe, muscular body, and I just thought… Well, I’d just woken up after a long period of being dead and when the first thing I see is a man who sort of looks like you in the dark, then what do you expect me to do? I would have been betraying your memory if I hadn’t jumped him!
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: No really
Hmm, I suppose I am more than handsome enough to be mistaken for a man who wears nothing but an open leather jacket over leather pants.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Mmm
Why don’t you come over tonight? Let me make it up to you.
I’ll wear that red dress you like.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Mmm
All right. But if I so much as hear the word “Squall,” I will Starfall you so hard your grandchildren will feel it.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Is it true?
Have you been making up stories behind my back? Or did you really somehow convince yourself that the Emperor is my brother?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Is it true?
Well, I don’t think that anymore.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: I can’t believe this
Why would you think something so stupid?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Save me Yevon
You’re not gonna stab me again, are you?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: I just
That has to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in all my life, and that includes the time I found a dragoon inside a giant fish!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: I don’t remember
Was that before or after you got seduced by a snake dressed as a princess?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: …
…It was after.
Stop changing the subject.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: I’m winning
In addition to the hunks on my team, I’ve also acquired Jecht, Golbez, and most recently, Sephiroth.
And how many women have shown interest in you?
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Chaos
Re: THERE’S STILL TIME
KUJA WILL BE MINE. CLOUD OF DARKNESS ALREADY IS. ULTIMECIA WILL BE AGAIN.
I’LL SWAP YOU TERRA FOR JECHT.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: No way
I’m not falling for that one again.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: So
So your brother is not the Emperor?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: No
Not the one we’re fighting, anyway.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Look on the bright side
One dysfunctional brother out of all your potential family members is pretty good compared to the rest of us.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Wanna bet?
My other brother talks to beavers.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Wanna bet?
You’re really not helping your case.
…Wait, talks to what?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Me again
I’m a horrible person and my life sucks.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Good for you
And you’re telling me this because…?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Good for you
Because I keep endangering the people I care the most about, and I can’t let it happen again.
I’m sorry, Cloud. It’s over between us. I’d just hurt you too.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Bartz
I think Bartz might be kind of gay.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Hey
What do you look so happy about?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Dude
Did that Shiva summon just hit on you?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: No
Shut up.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Pep talk
You’re really good at those pep talks, you know. You should be a motivational speaker; you’re just so good with your mouth.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Pep talk
Well, I am a goddess.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Re: Pep talk
Maybe once I find my crystal, you can give me another pep talk.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Cosmos
Re: How about…
Maybe you can cheer me up.
Chapter 197
Notes:
Consult Chapter 58 for reference.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Kuja
Re: Revenge
Come to me, little monkey man. I’ll have my revenge on you yet!
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Revenge
Seriously, what did I ever do to you?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Kuja
Re: Don’t play dumb
Ultimecia’s told me all about your little plan to get everyone thinking I’m a girl!
You have ruined my life—as well as the only chance I had at a true friendship—with your horrible lies!
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: But I didn’t
I mean, it’s not like I set out on a crusade to prove your manliness to everyone, but I never told anyone you were a girl.
Why do you always have to see the worst in people, Kuja? I’ve been telling everyone how you were better than that fat, ugly Queen Brahne, but you’re just determined to prove me wrong, aren’t you?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Kuja
Re: Oh
…This changes nothing. I will yet have my vengeance!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Goodbye
I really did think of you as my friend, until you turned out to be just like everybody else. I wish we could have stayed that way, before it all turned out to be a lie. But I don’t have time for you anymore.
I have a bigger role to play.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Where are you?
Are you really going to fight Zidane? He’ll kill you! I got no memory of what I said to make you so mad at me, but it’s not worth throwing your life away. Kuja, please don’t do this!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Terra
I’m watching you!
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Terra
BRING IT.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife, Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Whoa
Why are you two looking so grumpy?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Exhausted
You have no idea how tiresome it is to have to deal with these idiots. I’m coming over.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Bad time
It’s kind of a bad time right now. Jecht and I are baking cookies.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Again?!
You’re not even trying to hide it now!
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Baking cookies
What’s the problem? Jecht was feeling down about some harlot and I thought I might cheer him up a bit. And this way I’ll have a nice treat all warmed up for you when we’re done.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: The Emperor
Re: DEATH
You have no idea who you are messing with, do you? I AM THE LORD OF HELL. I am someone to be feared! Does that not penetrate your thick skull to the miniscule brain underneath?
I WILL RIP OFF YOUR SKIN AND WEAR IT AS A SHIRT.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted “Best Evil Laugh” by Pandaemonium Times Annual “Villains to Watch Out For” Charity Dinner, Co-founder of Tyrant of Epic Proportions Oil Drilling Industries, President of Villainous Hair Care, Inc., Captain of the Dark Knight Speech and Debate Team
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: I win
I found my crystal first.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: You lose
No, I found my crystal first.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: You’re just jealous
I won, you lost, end of story.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Bartz
Smack Bartz for me, will ya? He seems to think he won our race!
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Re: Bartz
Um. Where do you want me to smack him?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: I take it back
I don’t know what came over me before. But I found my crystal, I found my best friend, and I never want to lose the people I care about again!
We can pick up right where we left off.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: About that
I get the feeling you think we’re dating or something.
…’Cause we’re not.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Oh no
I didn’t mean to pressure you or anything.
Anyway, Squall wants to hug, talk to you later. XOXO
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Calling it in
Got my crystal! Oh and so did Bartz.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal, Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Excellent
I’ll just have to reward both of you!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Jecht
Re: Screw you
You didn’t have to hit me. I didn’t do nothing with your girl!
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Screw you
And well for you you didn’t, or I would have killed you outright.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted “Best Evil Laugh” by Pandaemonium Times Annual “Villains to Watch Out For” Charity Dinner, Co-founder of Tyrant of Epic Proportions Oil Drilling Industries, President of Villainous Hair Care, Inc., Captain of the Dark Knight Speech and Debate Team, and all around good-looking guy
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Re: Screw you
You’re not gonna hit her too, are you?
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Nonsense
My beloved has her own punishment to serve. I’m just going to watch.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of Altair Weekly’s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted “Best Evil Laugh” by Pandaemonium Times Annual “Villains to Watch Out For” Charity Dinner, Co-founder of Tyrant of Epic Proportions Oil Drilling Industries, President of Villainous Hair Care, Inc., Captain of the Dark Knight Speech and Debate Team, and all around good-looking guy
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Jecht
Re: Re: Nonsense
I don’t wanna know.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: I’ll see you later
I hope you find your father, Tidus. Make good use of that potion, okay?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: The potion
Not that I’m not grateful, but if you had this potion the entire time, why didn’t you use it when you stabbed me?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Just let it go already
Honestly, Tidus, how many times are you going to bring that up?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal, Bartz Klauser, Squall Leonhart
FROM: Cosmos
Re: At last
I’m here! I’m hiding close by, whoever finds me gets a prize.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Squall Leonhart
cc: Zidane Tribal, Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: At last
Aren’t we a little too busy to be playing games?
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Cosmos
cc: Zidane Tribal, Bartz Klauser
Re: Fine
You don’t have to join us, Mr. Stick-in-the-mud.
I’ve still got my two boys.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Bartz Klauser
cc: Zidane Tribal, Squall Leonhart
Re: Sorry
I’ll have to stick with Squall on this one. I’m in love with someone else.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Question
What do you look so pleased about?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Firion
Re: Help me
I’m experiencing a crisis of faith, and I need you.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Help me
Can it wait? I’ve got important goddess business with Zidane that I need to finish over here…
Oh, very well. I’ll be right there.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: How long?
This is a really uncomfortable position to be stuck in.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos, Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: It’s over
I got my crystal. And I worked through some issues that ten years of therapy couldn’t find a way to cure. Granted, I don’t remember ever being in therapy, but I’m pretty sure I was rich enough to afford it, so I must have tried it, right?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
cc: All Warriors of Chaos
Re: We are not amused
Why did you suddenly decide to segregate the bathrooms by gender?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
cc: All Warriors of Chaos
Re: Re: We are not amused
I wanted you ladies to feel like you had a place where just you could go, without us men around to annoy you.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Chaos
cc: All Warriors of Chaos
Re: HE’S LYING
HE PUT A CAMERA IN THE GIRLS’ BATHROOM AND IS HOPING TO CATCH YOU ALL IN AN ORGY OR SOMETHING.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: NO FAIR
You cheated!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: The bathrooms
But now we do not know where to go.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: The bathrooms
What, you’re actually a man or something? I may have indulged Kuja some, but it didn’t work for her, and it’s not gonna work for you!
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Neither
Technically we are genderless.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: Neither
Whatever, toots. Just get in there and take off your clothes or your smokescreen or whatever it is that you’re wearing. I’ve got some very eager “clients” determined to see what’s what with you.
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Very well
Your schemes do not concern us.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: WHY
My EYeS whydidnt yoU warn MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Firion
Re: Thank you
I feel much better now.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: Thank you
Fantastic. Don’t call on me again for a few hours at least.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: The pain
Come back it hurts soooooo
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: The pain
All right, all right! I’ll be there in a second.
…
MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: jdne;gole”sq
Mommy…
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey, Tidus
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Hello
I heard Firion was in the neighborhood and I wanted to surprise him. Where are you guys?
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Hello
You should try and avoid Firion. He just ran off all suicidal. And I think he has some sort of skin disease.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Tidus
Re: Firion
He kind of went to go confront the Emperor (who is not his brother). I’m not sure when he’ll be back.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Firion
Oh no! What if he gets hurt? That Emperor is really scary!
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Tidus
Re: Hmm
No worries. I was just about to look for him anyway. Cecil’s closer to you, so I’ll scout ahead, and you guys and Cecil can meet up with us afterward.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Okay!
I feel so much better knowing his friends are watching out for him.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight, Cloud Strife
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Firion
Tidus is going to look for Firion. We’re going to wait here for Cecil and then go look for him too.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
cc: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Firion
Maybe we should split up? You and me can wait here for Cecil, and Cloud can go away. To help Tidus.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight, Terra Branford
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: No
I don’t think that’s a good idea.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Onion Knight
cc: Terra Branford
Re: Why not?
What if Firion’s in danger, and you could have saved him if only we’d split up? You don’t want Firion to get hurt, do you?
Do you, Cloud?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Terra Branford
cc: Onion Knight
Re: He’s right
He’s right. You should go find your friends, Cloud. I’ll stay here alone with the Onion Knight. We can meet up with you later.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Watch it
I’m on to you, punk.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Chaos
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Public Service Announcement
Until further notice the bathrooms will be CLOSED for an extensive cleaning.
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Insignificant worm
You have no authorization for such a closure and I will not allow it. You had no right putting cameras in there anyway. I am hardly to blame if you saw something you should not have seen.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Chaos
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Addendum
Anyone interested in seeing just what Mr. Emperor does in the girls’ bathroom when he thinks he’s alone, come see me.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife, Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Thanks for the rescue
Your timing is incredible!
And where did you find my rose, Cloud?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Wild rose
It’s not important. Just hang on to it.
And don’t go giving it to any girls.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Wild rose
You still haven’t told me what your dream is.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Wild rose
Can you just ask Cloud? I’ve given like three speeches on it in the last hour and I really don’t feel like repeating myself.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Are you okay?
Tidus said you were going to fight the Emperor! Will you be all right?
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Are you okay?
Yeah, I’ll be fine. I got my wild rose back.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Wild rose
Your rose gave me hope when I was really down. I hope you’ll let me see more of it.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Wild rose
Sure. My flower is a treasure, after all. It should be enjoyed by everyone.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Garland
Re: I’m curious
What is your obsession with puppets? You’re always talking about them, yet I never see you with any marionettes.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: How thick can you get?
IT’S SYMBOLISM.
…
MEMO
TO: Sephiroth
FROM: Garland
Re: Tell me
Were you one of those melodramatic losers who spent all day reading the same trite poem and brooding on how “deep” and “complex” it was?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: The Emperor
Re: This is your last chance
Bow before me, and I will let you live in the world I create. I will need adoring subjects, after all.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Firion
Re: Never
I will strike you down! For my dream! For my friends! For all the lives you’ve destroyed!
But most of all, for Leon!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: The Emperor
Re: …
…Who?
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Tonight
Are we still on for tonight? I was wondering if we could take a break; I’m kind of tired after fighting that Firion fellow.
You know, he kind of looks like you. Are you two related?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Hi there
You’re a beautiful woman, Terra. You’ve come a long way since we first started out. I really admire that about you.
You know, we never really ever got a chance to talk. I mean, we have a lot in common. We both turn pink when we get angry, for one.
I grew up with a theatre background, you know. Do you like watching plays?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Hi there
I haven’t really seen too many, I think.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Oh?
I’d be happy to give you a private performance.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Did I mention
It’s funny, ’cause since I got my crystal back I’ve started to remember so much more about where I came from. But nothing has helped me as much as gazing at your lovely face has.
You know, you remind me of a princess I once met. She had a secret magical gift that no one else had, and was renowned across an entire continent for her extraordinary beauty. But I’m not sure she could compare to you.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Wow!
You must have met so many interesting people. I don’t really know anybody at all.
Though now that I think about it, I did meet a king once, and he was a lot like you, except he didn’t have a tail.
And he had a twin brother who was really dreamy.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Oh
Well, I certainly don’t have a brother renowned for his looks.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: I’m starting to remember now…
I also knew a lady general who worked for the bad guys, but she defected to our side and fell in love with my friend. They made such a cute couple!
Oh, and I also knew a little girl who was very cheerful despite her sad lot in life. She’d lost her parents at a young age, and then she turned out to have a secret magical heritage that we thought had died out!
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: …
Wait a second…
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Oh and also
And there was also the mercenary who tagged along with us. He was kind of gruff and didn’t really understand our friendship, but he turned out to be all right in the end. I wonder what happened to him?
And then there was the scary monster who followed us around. He helped out in fights but I was afraid he was going to just start eating people!
This is amazing! I can remember so much when I’m talking to you!
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Yes
It’s uncanny, really.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: There’s more
Oh, and I have to tell you about Cid!
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Yeah
I have to go.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Firion
Re: It’s over
I’ve defeated the Emperor and retrieved my crystal.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Congrats
I knew you could do it!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Ugh
Fine, I’m on my way. Let’s get this over with.
Tell Tidus he’s next.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Thank goodness!
I’m so glad you made it! Hurry back, I can’t wait to see you again!
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Hey, Squall
I’m all for hugs, but don’t you think you should try to include Zidane in them, too? It’s not really a group hug if there’s only two people.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Be prepared
I am coming for you. The crystal will be mine.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Garland
Re: Don’t make me laugh
Cosmos doesn’t care about you, petty Warrior.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: You know
I grow weary of your incessant lack of name-calling.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart, Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal
FROM: Tidus
Re: Hey there
I heard you guys were in the neighborhood. Wanna come join up with the rest of us?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Zidane Tribal
cc: Bartz Klauser, Squall Leonhart
Re: Sure!
We’ll be right over.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Psst
Is Cloud with you?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Terra
It’s freaky. It was like she knew everything about me.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Terra
Maybe she was just teasing you.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Re: Terra
I didn’t realize how much I’d forgotten though. I knew some of it, but the last few years were just sort of blurry, you know? In bits and pieces. I mean, I have a princess. She’s the most amazing thing to happen in my life, and somehow I forgot her.
But since I got the crystal, it’s all started coming back. And now I just feel guilty.
Is that how it is with you? Your dream of a world filled with flowers… Was that all you could remember of your own world? Was there anything else you remembered after you got your crystal?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Firion
Re: Maybe
I think I always remembered my family, and our fight against the empire. But now that I think about it, I kind of forget how it all turned out. I’m not even sure that we won.
And… There was a princess. She was sad about something, but… I can’t remember what. It’s probably not important though.
Maybe you should talk to Cloud about this? He’s pretty savvy when it comes to amnesia.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: It is finished
I have received my crystal. Our mission is complete. I will meet with you all atop the old Chaos shrine.
…
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: At last
The crystal is mine. I have long awaited the day when I may join with you, my goddess. I hurry now to your side, eager to claim the reward you have promised me.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Re: At last
Um, yeah, about that…
Chapter Text
FINAL MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Farewell
This is my final message to you. You have all fought bravely, but our time together is at an end. Thank you, my warriors, for all that you have done for me, and never give up.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Cosmos
Re: The end
You may have won the battle, but you have lost the war.
That’s what you get for cheating on me.
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Chaos
Re: Re: The end
YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF, YOU KNOW. I ONLY KILLED YOU BECAUSE I LOVED YOU SO MUCH. MAYBE NOW YOU’LL SEE HOW MUCH I TRULY CARE.
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Chaos
Re: BABY?
ARE YOU STILL THERE?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Jecht
Re: Hey
Can we talk? I’ve been having second thoughts about this whole “being evil” thing.
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Are we there yet?
So what now? Can we kill ‘em all yet?
…
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Wait
Not yet.
But. The Plan requires you to confront them. Alone.
Yes, you go and confront them alone.
Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Frightening
Are you all right? I was so worried when everyone started disappearing like that!
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: It’s okay
If you get scared, Terra, you can hold my hand.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Don’t worry
I’m right here if you need me, Terra.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife, Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Thanks
You two are so sweet!
Do you think Firion’s okay?
Chapter Text
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Are you there?
I know this is but a test of our devotion. I will find you, my goddess, and we will be united in joyous harmony!
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: The Void
Your Void intrigues me. Do you have any literature I could look at?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kefka Palazzo
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Notice of Termination of Employment
Dear sir or madam,
I regret to inform you that your services will no longer be required. I thank you for all your hard work and dedication, and wish you luck in all your future endeavors.
Sincerely, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Re: Notice of Termination of Employment
Do I at least get a letter of recommendation?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Kefka’s demise
Well, the clown will be out of our way soon enough.
That’s what he gets for telling people I sneak into the girls’ bathroom to bleach my hair.
Signed, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: Kefka’s demise
That seems a bit harsh, don’t you think?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Re: Kefka’s demise
Please. He’s getting off easy.
Anyway, I’ll talk to you later. I have a meeting with Jecht.
Signed, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Oh dear
You’re not going to try to put him in his place too, are you?
Because I’d like to watch that.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Tension
It is getting way too tense around here. How are we supposed to keep an upbeat attitude when everything’s just so depressing?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Hey Bartz
What did the curious chocobo say to his teacher?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Hey Bartz
I dunno. What?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Re: Hey Bartz
“Can I ask a kwehstion?”
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: The Void
Has the pamphlet we provided piqued your interest in the Void any further?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: The Void
It all sounds very interesting, but I’m not sure the Void is for me.
I think I’ll stick with my original goal, and gain immortality by stopping time.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Ah yes
We once knew a man with a similar plan.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Oh?
How did that work out for him?
Chapter Text
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Kefka Palazzo
Re: Finally dying
Why try so hard to keep living? In the end, nothing truly matters…
It was getting boring anyway.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: What is so funny?
Why are you two laughing so hard? This is serious! Let the jokes die with the clown.
Don’t make me separate you two.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Sorry
I just wanted to say I’m sorry. For whatever I did to hurt you. For everything, really. I wish it didn’t have to end like this, but I’m glad I met you. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Re: Sorry
“Sorry”? You used me, Jecht. “Sorry” isn’t going to cut it.
And why now? Did the Emperor finally decide to get you back for fooling around with Ultimecia? Are you trying to ease your conscience before your inevitable demise?
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: Just wanted to say
It’s not the Emperor. I just finally realized what I’m supposed to do. And I wanted to set things right between us before I go.
I never meant to hurt you.
…
MEMO
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: Too late
Well, you did. And saying “sorry” won’t change that. There is nothing you could possibly say to make me forgive you.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Jecht
Re: For what it’s worth
It’s okay. I just wanted to say it. And since I’ll probably never get another chance…
I love you.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: My turn
What do you get when you cross a chocobo and a frog?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: My turn.
Oh, I know this one. A croakobo.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Re: My turn
You’re supposed to let me give the answer!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
cc: Bartz Klauser
Re: Enough already
What are you and Bartz laughing about? We’re not exactly on vacation here.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
cc: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: Enough already
We’re telling jokes! Tell us one of yours!
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: A joke?
Oh. Um. Okay.
Why did the GF cross the road?
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
cc: Zidane Tribal
Re: Dunno
Why?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Re: Dunno
I don’t know, I can’t remember.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
cc: Bartz Klauser
Re: So
Well, if you can’t remember, why did you tell it?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Squall Leonhart
cc: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: So
No, that’s the punchline.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
cc: Zidane Tribal
Re: Lame punchline
I don’t get it.
Chapter Text
FINAL MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Jecht
Re: My dying words
Make it right. And don’t do anything I would do.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud of Darkness
FROM: Exdeath
Re: It is time
Now is the time to confront the warriors of Cosmos. Will you stand with me and welcome them into the Void?
…
MEMO
TO: Exdeath
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: Re: It is time
We would gladly join you in this final stage of our plan, but unfortunately we have more pressing matters to attend to. One of our snakes has taken ill, you see.
But please send our warmest regards to the Onion Knight, and remind him that we find nothing pleasing in his shape, and would never wish to hug him and squeeze him and bestow cute pet names upon him.
Hmm, that’s odd; now the other snake has fallen ill.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: This has to stop
Now is not the time for jokes! This is a serious situation that we are in. People are dying!
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: I’ve got one
What did the tonberry say to his ex-wife?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: I’ve got one
I’m really not in the mood right now. I kind of just killed my dad, if you hadn’t noticed.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Trust me, it’ll make you feel better
What did the tonberry say to his ex-wife?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Fine
What?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Fine
“DOINK.”
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: …
Thanks. That really cheered me up. I’ll be sure to tell it at my father’s eulogy.
…Although come to think of it, he would have liked that one.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Exdeath
Re: I have embraced the stillness of death
MUAHAHAHAHAHA.
…
FINAL MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Exdeath
Re: A parting gift before I go
You are most pleasantly adorable.
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: I’m in the mood
I need to see you.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: I’m in the mood
Can it wait? I have some gloating time scheduled with the Cosmos warriors.
Signed, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All
Chapter Text
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Hope
We know what you did for us, goddess. How you sacrificed your light to guide us to our victory. This was your plan all along, wasn’t it? I know not if you can hear me, but know this: we will not fail you.
I have not yet lost hope that I may see you again, my goddess. I am ever your faithful servant.
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: What the hell?
You can’t just say something like that and then disappear on me! How dare you?! What gives you the right to leave me? When did I ever say I could get by without you?
ANSWER ME!!!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
cc: All Warriors of Cosmos
Re: Best one yet
Did you hear the one about the Black Mage who cast Mini on his penis?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: Best one yet
No…
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
cc: All Warriors of Cosmos
Re: Drumroll please
He turned into a White Mage.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
cc: All Warriors of Cosmos
Re: Dude, not cool
I’ve been a White Mage.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
cc: All Warriors of Cosmos
Re: Re: Dude, not cool
I’ve got a spare mallet lying around, if you need some help with that.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Firion
Re: White Mages
Hey! Give me back my hammer!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Kuja
Re: Let us end this farce
There’s no point in trying to survive in a world like this. Come to me, my friends! You need not fear the loneliness of death.
In the end, we’re all alone.
…
MEMO
TO: Kuja
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Hey Kuja
Do you need a hug?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Urgent
I can’t wait any longer. Take me now.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Re: Urgent
Honestly, woman, can I not have five minutes to myself to bask in the gloriousness of my plan? It will soon come to fruition, and I don’t really have time for your hysterics. In any case, I have an appointment with Golbez scheduled, so it will have to wait until after that.
You’re not usually this fired up. Have you been spying on Squall all day?
Signed, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Creeped out
You ever get the feeling like someone’s been watching you?
Chapter Text
FINAL MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Jecht
FROM: Kuja
Re: A stunning encore
I wish I could have lived, really lived. The way you did. That’s the one thing I think you always tried to give me.
Dying only means I have nothing else to lose.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Be prepared
Let us all be prepared. Our enemies will show us no quarter.
Which means no more jokes!
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Cloud Strife
cc: All Warriors of Cosmos
Re: Lemme try
My best friend back home loved this one:
What’s the difference between a SOLDIER and an ordinary person?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Cecil Harvey
cc: All Warriors of Cosmos
Re: Hmm
I don’t know. What?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Cloud Strife
cc: All Warriors of Cosmos
Re: Re: Hmm
It only takes one bullet to kill a person.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Golbez
I wish to report a spy among our ranks. I have definitive proof that Golbez has been working to undermine our cause for quite some time. See that he is dealt with, to the harshest extent possible.
Signed, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Garland
Re: My lord…
I grow concerned, my lord. You have not been yourself lately. And you’ve done nothing to maintain order in the ranks.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Chaos
Re: Re: My lord…
HONESTLY, MY HEART JUST ISN’T IN IT ANYMORE. COSMOS IS GONE. WHAT’S THE POINT OF IT ALL? MAYBE KUJA HAD THE RIGHT IDEA.
I NEED ICE CREAM.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: To the Void
My defeat means nothing. We will meet again in the endless Void. It is inevitable.
…
FINAL MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Cloud of Darkness
Re: P.S.
(We think you’re really cute!) XOXO
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Are you okay?
You look a little green.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Golbez
Re: Your point?
Was there a reason you dragged me out here? I do not want to know about your and Chaos’s love life.
There are some things man was not meant to know.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Garland
Re: Re: Your point?
When I said, “He and I are one,” I meant that literally.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Golbez
Re: Too Much Information
That is really more information than I require. I feel unclean knowing that. So unclean that there can be only one path left to me now.
Well played, sir. Well played.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: So
Do you have a girlfriend, back home?
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: So
Ha, the only girls interested in me are the monsters.
Don’t tell Tidus I said that, by the way.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: Re: So
Well, I’m not a monster, and I think you’re very interesting.
I don’t have a boyfriend, in case you were wondering.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey, Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: I just realized
Guys, I think Terra’s been flirting with me!
What do I do?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Terra and Firion
Don’t worry, I’ll handle this.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: You and Terra
Way to go, Firion!
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: You and Terra
Thanks! I didn’t know I had it in me. I just wish I knew what to say to her now.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Firion
He’s gay. Stop wasting everyone’s time.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife, Onion Knight
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: What is wrong with you?
What did you two idiots do to make Terra run off crying like that? Now it’s up to me to comfort her.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Golbez
Re: Forget me, brother
I leave because I am unworthy to fight by your side. Your friends are lucky to have you; trouble yourself no more with thoughts of me.
…
MEMO
TO: Golbez
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Brother
I cannot forget you. There is good inside you. And perhaps someday you will see yourself the way I see you, as the best of them.
May we meet again, brother.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Hey Squall
What Cloud said a minute ago… I believe it. I want to believe it’s true.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: You know what
I’ve been a believer for a while now.
I remembered this promise I made… There’s someone waiting for me.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Re: You know what
…Wanna tell me more?
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: No
…No. This’s a secret between you and me. Got that?
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: But
If you were curious, I remembered that I have a girlfriend.
So I’m completely heterosexual.
Not that there was any doubt. But if there was, you can go ahead and tell everyone.
Just don’t tell Bartz. Or anyone he might talk to.
So, don’t tell anyone at all.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: That’s it
We are through. For good this time.
Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: That’s it
Who did I allegedly do now?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Oh ho
During our latest tryst, I saw a very interesting tattoo on your, um. Your…
I saw a tattoo.
Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Tattoo?
I have quite a lot of those, if you hadn’t noticed.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: That is not the point
The point is what the tattoo said.
Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Go on
And that was…?
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: …
“Lone Wolf was here.”
Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Lone Wolf
That was years ago!
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Really
THE TATTOO IS BRAND NEW!
Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Re: Really
Because I only recently got around to adding it. You’re such an animal, my love, I was just so moved by your sheer wolf-like endurance, and your howls of delight, and the way you stalk your prey alone, eschewing the safety of the pack and preferring the thrill of the hunt. I had to get the tattoo; it was the only way to always be reminded of you, even when we are apart.
…
MEMO
TO: Ultimecia
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Hnnnng
Well, I suppose I am rather beastly…
Fine. You’re off the hook. For now.
Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Don’t do it
I’m telling you, it’s a bad idea. Nothing good will come of it.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: I’ve got to
This might be my last chance. I’ve made up my mind; I’m doing it. I just gotta wait for the right moment, and then BAM. Cloud won’t know what hit her.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Re: I’ve got to
Well, I can guarantee you someone’s going to get hit.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: The so-called Emperor
The Emperor seems to think he’s the one in charge around here. I, on the other hand, find his attitude to be bad for morale. Since we lack any sort of human resources department, it falls to you to deal with him.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Garland
Re: The Emperor
I think perhaps you should speak with the Emperor. He seeks to overthrow our plan and claim the spoils for himself. And that can’t be good for morale.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Chaos
Re: Re: The Emperor
LET HIM. IT DOESN’T MATTER TO ME ANYMORE. WHAT’S THE POINT, IF COSMOS ISN’T HERE TO SHARE IT?
IF IT BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH, YOU TAKE CARE OF IT. OR JUST LET THOSE IDIOTS COSMOS HIRED DO IT, THEY’RE GOOD AT DESTROYING EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER LOVED OR WANTED OUT OF LIFE.
…
MEMO
TO: The Emperor
FROM: Garland
Re: Congratulations!
It has come to my attention that you have put the most effort into achieving our team goal of conquering the universe. Well done! Our lord and master Chaos has nominated you as MVP, and has given you the great honor of dispatching of the last remnants of Cosmos’s army single-handedly. Please fight them at your earliest convenience.
Congratulations, Garland, Knight of Cornelia
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Are you okay?
You’ve been acting kind of sad lately, Warrior of Light.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Re: Are you okay?
I am fine, thank you.
But I had a name once. I would have gladly shared it, if anyone had thought to ask. Except I seem to have forgotten it. And no one has asked. Or been any help whatsoever in devising a new one.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: I understand completely
I don’t like using my name either! Having a title is just so much cooler, don’t you think?
Chapter Text
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: The Emperor
Re: Ungaahhhh!
This is not the last you’ll hear from me!
Signed, Mateus, Supreme Being
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Alone at last
Cosmos is gone, and Chaos will soon follow. And then the only two left will be you and I, eternal and forever. Not even death will part us, Squall.
…
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Squall Leonhart
bcc: Ultimecia
Re: Announcement
Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you all know that I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, and am not even remotely interested in anyone else. In fact, the thought of being with any person who is not MY GIRLFRIEND makes me physically ill.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Denial
You’re laying it on a little thick there, Squall.
Chapter Text
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: All you’ve left behind
I am falling victim to despair, my goddess. It grows harder and harder to continue on. But my devotion to you sustains me. I think only of what you would have wished for us, what might have been if only this world could have contained your light.
I know now that you are gone. I vow to honor and protect what you have left behind, to create the world you dreamed of. It is the last hope I have.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: How about…
Did you hear the one about the cactuar who wanted to be a chocobo racer?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: How about…
Yes, I’ve heard it. And you’d better not sing it. If you start singing, the Warrior of Light may stab someone.
Actually, maybe you’d better sing it after all. Might cheer him up a bit.
Chapter Text
FINAL MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Ultimecia
Re: Not yet
I can never let go. I will hold on with all I have.
Even if that means unraveling time itself.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Chaos
Re: GARLAND!
I HAD A BAD DREAM. COULD YOU COME OVER?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
cc: Tidus
Re: Barbariccia
Was that Summonstone flirting with you?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Firion
cc: Tidus
Re: Re: Barbariccia
Not every lady monster wants to flirt with me, Cecil.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
cc: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: Re: Barbariccia
Only most of them.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
cc: Cecil Harvey
Re: Just lay off
Can you just drop it, please?
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
cc: Cecil Harvey
Re: No
We all saw it, Firion. Everyone did.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
cc: Cecil Harvey
Re: Everyone?
Everyone saw? Even Terra?
Do you think maybe that’s why she’s been so upset with me lately? Every time I try to talk to her she runs away. Maybe it’s because she thinks I really am a monster magnet, and that I’ve been deliberately flirting with all those monster girls!
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Cecil Harvey
cc: Tidus
Re: Terra
Well, I do think she’s jealous, but probably not in the way you think.
Chapter Text
FINAL MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Sephiroth
Re: I will never be a memory
And you’re still a puppet.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Chaos
Re: WHOA
YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND. THIS WHOLE BACKSTORY OF YOURS IS A LOT TO TAKE IN.
THE TIME TRAVEL PLOT JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Congrats
Just wanted to say it again, nice job on defeating Sephiroth!
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Uhhh
Not that I’m not grateful, but was the kiss really necessary?
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Sure
It was just an expression of my feelings. It’s normal where I come from.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: …
Yeah, in my world we don’t usually go kissing other guys just to congratulate them.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Back up a second
Are you saying that you are actually really truly, in no way joking, a guy?
Chapter Text
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: The truth
I know it is too late to say it, but still, I must put these words somewhere:
I love you, Cosmos.
I have longed for you, and I would have done anything to be with you. I still would, even now, when I know that you and I will never be together no matter how hard I fight. But you should know that I would trade it all for one more day with you, for a chance to see your face and hear you say the words I have been waiting for all my life: “I love you.”
And I think…
But writing it down has made me realize something. You see, I have forgotten my own name, it has been so long since anyone has spoken it. Once, I dreamed of hearing it pass your lips, but now… I gave everything to you, Cosmos, even my name, and though I do not regret it, it still hurts, because now I see that even with all you’ve left behind, with all you’ve tried to do for us, you never had anything, not one single thing, that you gave to me. I traded away every part of myself and received nothing in return.
So I thank you, Cosmos, for showing me the bitter truth of this world. I will not be fool for love again.
Goodbye.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal, Squall Leonhart
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: So embarrassed
You were right, guys. I should have listened to you, and I shouldn’t have kissed him.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: Cheer up
At least he thought you were joking.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Haha
Yeah, I guess that’s true. And now I’ll have a funny story to tell my friends when I get back!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion, Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Warrior of Light
I’m thinking about staging an intervention, guys. The Warrior of Light has been looking pretty down lately, and I’m afraid he’s gonna try something if we don’t stop him.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: I’ll help
I don’t think I want to miss this.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: I’ll help
Thanks. I’ll go see if anyone else wants to help. Can’t have our Warrior of Light moping around all the time, right?
…You think maybe we should come up with a name for him?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: So
I heard Bartz kissed you.
…
MEMO
TO: Squall Leonhart
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: So?
Yeah, it’s no big deal. I guess he thought he was being funny or something.
…
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: Whatever
Not that I care, because I have a girlfriend, but…
What was it like?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Chaos
Re: DON’T GO
YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE LEFT. I DON’T WANT TO BE ALONE ANYMORE.
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Garland
Re: Re: DON’T GO
I will be fine, my lord. And so will you. Remember, this is all part of the plan.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Chaos
Re: BUT
BUT IF THEY KILL YOU, WON’T THAT CAUSE A PARADOX OR SOMETHING? SHOULD I BE WORRIED?
MAYBE YOU COULD EXPLAIN IT AGAIN. I’M REALLY NOT UNDERSTANDING THIS MASTER PLAN OF YOURS. OURS. MINE. YOU SEE?
…
MEMO
TO: Chaos
FROM: Garland
Re: Don’t worry
Believe in yourself.
…
MEMO
TO: Garland
FROM: Chaos
Re: Re: Don’t worry
OH, REAL CLEVER.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Thank you
I truly appreciate what you said to me back there. I have been having a difficult time, and your intervention was indeed a great help.
…
MEMO
TO: Warrior of Light
FROM: Tidus
Re: No worries
And if you need any advice on the naming situation, I always thought “Tidus” had a nice ring to it…
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: That reminds me
I’ve been meaning to tell you. You’re pronouncing it wrong.
Chapter Text
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Garland
Re: My death is part of the plan
Suckers.
…
MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Garland
FROM: Chaos
Re: TRAITOR
YOU LIED TO ME. WHAT, I’M SUPPOSED TO DESTROY THE WORLD SO YOU CAN FLY OFF AND START YOUR OWN? WELL, WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT! I WILL DESTROY THE WORLD SO HARD YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO BREAK FREE!
NO ONE WILL LEAVE ME! WE’LL BE TOGETHER IN ENDLESS CHAOS FOREVER!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Sorry
I’m sorry about the way I acted before. I guess I just had some unrealistic expectations about you, but I’ve come to realize they were wrong; I’m not a monster.
I’m really sorry, Firion.
…
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Sorry
I’d still like to try. I don’t want to be this way forever.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: You don’t have to be ashamed
It’s not your fault, Firion. You were just born that way.
I hope we can still be friends.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cloud Strife
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: Truce
We can’t protect her if we’re always fighting with each other.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Re: Truce
Fine. We’ll let her decide.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight, Cloud Strife
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Thank you
I just wanted to thank you both for all you’ve done for me. I couldn’t have done this without you!
And an especial thanks to you, my Onion Knight. You were there with me from the beginning. I can’t thank you enough. And lately I’ve come to realize just how important you are to me.
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: Forget it
Deal’s off. Stay away from her!
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Tidus
Re: No really, I don’t get it
So you just sit on a chocobo and let it dig around?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: What’s so hard to understand?
Well, yeah, but there’s a time limit.
And it’s not any crazier than your thing. How do you hold your breath that long? Are you part fish? Do you have gills or something?
Can I see them?
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Tidus
Re: It’s not that hard
I don’t have gills, it’s just training! And you’re one to talk. What’s with the tail, anyway?
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: It’s just a tail, okay?
I’m actually a created being who was ripped away from my homeworld by a villain intent on destroying it.
…
MEMO
TO: Zidane Tribal
FROM: Tidus
Re: Yeah, and?
Well, so am I, but I don’t have a tail.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: You okay?
You haven’t really said much of anything since that whole Golbez incident.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Re: You okay?
I’m fine, I can handle myself, and I don’t need your pity. Maybe you should spend more time goofing off and making out with your teammates, and less time worrying about me.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: It’s just
Why is everyone so stupid ?
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Re: It’s just
I dunno.
Do you wanna see my talking rock?
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Why not?
I suppose it couldn’t be any dumber than the talking people.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: I’m not so sure about that
Have you held it? It’s pretty dense.
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: I’m shocked
That was almost clever, actually.
…
MEMO
TO: Cecil Harvey
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Hey
I act like an idiot. That doesn’t mean I am one.
(Don’t tell anyone, okay?)
…
MEMO
TO: Bartz Klauser
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Ha ha ha
I don’t think they’d believe me if I did.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Terra Branford
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: The truth
Terra, there’s something I’ve been meaning to say to you for a long time now. But it needs to be said in person. Alone, without anyone else around, because it’s important that you’re the only one to hear it. Can you get away from Cloud for a bit and come see me?
…
MEMO
TO: Onion Knight
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Re: The truth
Of course. I’ll be right there.
There’s actually something I kind of wanted to say to you too.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Dreams
Cloud told me, you know. About your dream. It’s really nice.
…
MEMO
TO: Tidus
FROM: Firion
Re: Re: Dreams
It feels kind of silly to say it now, after all that we’ve been through.
…
MEMO
TO: Firion
FROM: Tidus
Re: Re: Re: Dreams
It’s not. Dreams can become real, remember? So don’t give up on me. On it. Don’t give up on your dreams.
We’ll find them together, okay?
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All Warriors of Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: Enough
…There is nothing more to say.
…
MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Chaos
Re: ENOUGH
LET US END THIS.
Chapter Text
FINAL MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Chaos
Re: I AM COMING TO JOIN YOU, MY LOVE
COSMOS… NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU LEFT BEHIND.
IT WAS MY HEART.
…
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Tidus
Re: Goodbye
I don’t know if this message will reach you guys, but… Thanks.
And Firion? It is too a real sport. And I’m awesome at it.
…
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Zidane Tribal
Re: So long
If anyone gets this, don’t forget me! Bartz, that goes double for you!
And seriously, guys, it’s just a tail! Why does everyone keep pointing it out?
…
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Squall Leonhart
Re: One last thing
You guys weren’t half bad.
I’m still not gay though.
…
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Cloud Strife
Re: I mean this in a good way
I hope I never have to see any of you ever again.
Chapter Text
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Terra Branford
Re: Thank you
I’ll never forget you all!
And to my Onion Knight: You were the best friend I could have asked for. I hope… I hope I can find you again someday, so we can continue where we left off.
…
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Bartz Klauser
Re: Gotta go
And guys? Don’t forget to have fun.
…
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Cecil Harvey
Re: Farewell
I will always treasure the memories of our truest friendship.
And Brother, if this reaches you… I’ll be waiting. As long as you need me to.
…
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Onion Knight
Re: For Terra
I couldn’t have done it without you. And because I can never say it enough:
I love you. I always have, and I always will. So this isn’t goodbye. Because I’ll find you again. I promise.
…
FINAL MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Firion
Re: I don’t want to go
We still have so much more to do.
My dream became real, in the end. So Tidus, whatever it was that you kept hinting at, shut up. At least my dreams and my sports aren’t make-believe.
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: All
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: …
Can anyone hear me?
…
FINAL MEMO
xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Warrior of Light
Re: …
Everyone is gone. I’m the only one left. I don’t know if they made it back to their worlds. I don’t even know what to do anymore. It’s going to be hard, without them.
I’ll keep looking. I’ll find my name.
Maybe I’ll even find you.
Chapter 287
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
MEMO
TO: Cosmos
FROM: Cid of the Lufaine
Re: Well
So now what? You’ve won your great battle, Chaos is dead, your convenient little harem has gone home, and the only ones left are you and I. So tell me: was it worth it, in the end? All the destruction, the amnesia, the betrayal and loss? Did ridding the world of Chaos satisfy you? And what will you do, now that the final fantasy is at an end?
…
MEMO
TO: Cid of the Lufaine
FROM: Cosmos
Re: Hey Cid
…You wanna have some fun?
Notes:
Acknowledgements
Massive amounts of credit go to Dr. Dredd for writing the Stargate Atlantis fanfic "Memoranda From the Edge," without which I would never have been inspired to write this story.
Thanks go to my friends (and my sister too), who patiently tolerated me while I was writing, and suffered through many, many bad jokes in my attempts to polish this to perfection. An especial thanks goes to Johwee, who took time out of her busy schedule carving Pokémon into watermelons in order to serve as a last-minute pacing advisor and suggest it just might be a little bit funnier if the Emperor had some sort of ever-lengthening signature.
Thank you for reading!
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