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Ah, lunchtime at the Jedi Temple. Everyone enjoyed their Bantha Patties.
In a swift descent, the entirety of the Temple fell to darkness at once. Sirens began to blare as Younglings and Padawans alike screamed and ran for cover.
“Can you spot him, Anakin?” Obi-Wan hastily checked into his comlink, running through the Temple hall to implement security on all fronts.
Anakin was atop the roof, scanning the Jedi building’s exterior with macrobinoculars. “Down there, Master!” A large Bantha Patty bounced to the entrance.
There appeared to be a Bantha Patty-napping in progress!
The Bantha Patty shot a laser hole, forming an exit for the runaway burger to break free of the Temple’s bonds. There could only be one culprit: Darth Maul!
(Or, perhaps only Maul—“Darth” no longer.)
“Finally, victory is mine!” Maul charged through the door, the oversized Patty mounted on his head as a disguise. “I win at last!” His raucous cackles resounded. “I have exacted my revenge, Kenobi!”
With a thud, Anakin dropped into the Temple through the ceiling, a sullen expression painting his face. “He got away, Master.”
Obi-Wan’s demeanor fell into devastation. “It can’t be,” he muttered, bringing a hand to his chin. “He's finally stolen my Bantha Patty recipe.”
Perhaps not, General Kenobi, for it's… Ahsoka Tano!
Ahsoka peeked out through the Temple’s sewage system, an electrotelescope set up to survey the land’s surroundings. Through the device, she watched as a large Bantha Patty jumped through the crowd, booking it away.
“A-ha!” Leaping from the sewer with the expertise of a trained Jedi, Ahsoka began to chase it through the Temple grounds. “Come back here, you runaway Patty!”
With a gust of wind, the Bantha burger propelled upwards. From below, Ahsoka’s eye caught a jetpack beneath the Patty disguise.
In a skillful display of brilliance, Ahsoka grabbed hold of the culprit’s leg, taking flight with the Patty.
“What are you thinking?” The sharp but muffled shout reverberated from inside the Bantha Patty.
“Okay, that's far enough!” Ahsoka declared once they both landed atop a building now outside the Temple grounds. She reached to grasp at the Patty in an attempt to snatch the disguise, but to her terror, the Patty jumped from the building. “Huh?”
Ahsoka was left with no choice but to follow suit. Trusting her instincts and the Force, she leapt after the delinquent Patty.
When the Jedi was on the ground once more, she quickly ran to the next nearest building: the storefront of a sorcery shop.
An unrecognizable man in funny glasses emerged from the shop. Ahsoka wondered if he had seen the runaway Patty.
“Have you seen a Bantha Patty?” She gestured a couple inches above herself. “It's about this tall, and…”
As she explained, the sign at the front of the building caught her eye. It read “Magic Shop.” Thus, her attention was divided.
She began to pour ramblings. “Wow, a sorcery shop! Are you a Sith Sorcerer? One time, I saw this sorcerer and he did this thing…” She gestured wildly and indecipherably with her hands. “And then he told us, ‘If you believe in yourself and with a tiny pinch of magic, all of your dreams can come true—‘“
The glasses shattered against the ground as the man tore the disguise away, revealing… Maul!
“Argh! I can't take it!” He roared.
“Maul, it’s you!” Ahsoka exclaimed in shock.
“Yes,” he hissed. “And after all these years, I thought I was the master of torture. But that... that just wasn't fair!” His nails dug into his face as he still reeled from Ahsoka’s unbearable ranting. “Just take the trivial patty,” he scoffed, throwing the Bantha Patty at her feet.
Ahsoka’s mouth fell agape despite herself. Never did she imagine a time in which she would beat the notorious Maul’s thievery simply by sheer annoyance. Something like guilt stirred inside her at the indignity of the Sith’s defeat.
“I don't want the secret recipe anyway,” he continued, seething. “It seems my recipe will never be as good as Kenobi’s.” The Zabrak stared desolately at the fallen Patty, once sacred, now having lost its value to him. “You, Jedi , could never know what it's like to have everything ripped from you as Kenobi has done to me time and again.”
Ahsoka could no longer contain her sympathy. “Oh, Maul, cheer up,” she soothed, placing a hand on his shoulder that had fallen concave. “I think your recipe is delicious.”
Red-rimmed eyes shifted to Ahsoka’s, and he furrowed his brow cautiously. “Pardon me?”
“I said, I think your—“
At once, a creche of Younglings ran past the two of them, casting crude gestures to Maul.
“Your recipe sucks!”
Maul blinked, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. He moved to leave.
Anakin had caught up with them now, and he sneered. “How does it feel to be the most hated cook in all of Coruscant, Maul?!” He cackled. “It hurts, doesn't it?!”
Mace Windu approached Ahsoka. “And for running you out, Maul, we're going to make this Padawan honorary town rookie of the day.” He placed a medal around the Togruta’s neck.
The Jedi together began to sing, lifting Ahsoka into the air in praise. “For she's a jolly good rookie, for she's a jolly good rookie, for he's a jolly good rookie…”
Even as the people applauded her, Ahsoka couldn’t help thinking to herself, I'll bet if he had just one friend, he wouldn't be such a meanie.
——————
Maul sprawled pathetically on a couch in his current quarters, a half-empty glass of Jet Juice in hand. As he was about to prop his feet on the table in front of him, three rhythmic knocks at the door alerted him.
“A customer?” He wondered in disbelief. He bounded from the sofa, jogging to open the door. “My special today is Nerf—“ As he began to list the menu item, a sheepish Ahsoka came into his line of sight, prompting his sentence to trail off.
“Hi, Maul.”
“Haven't you degraded me enough for one day?”
Ahsoka shook her head adamantly. “No. I mean…” She looked to the ground in momentary contemplation before finishing. “I want you to come out and play with me.”
Maul stared blankly. “What?”
“Play with me,” she reiterated, smiling reassuringly.
“You know how to induce thermonuclear fusion?”
The girl raised a finger, perking up. “No, but I like to go butterfly-catch—”
Maul promptly shut the door.
“That naïve Padawan!” He raged, throwing his glass to the ground while pacing. “How long must I suffer this?”
“You're not letting her leave, are you? Can't you see? This is the perfect opportunity for revenge!” A droid he had recently stolen emerged from behind the couch.
Maul paused his pacing, looking to the droid. “Elaborate.”
The droid displayed a hologram of Ahsoka Tano in front of the Jedi Temple.
“Befriend the Padawan, then when the time is just right, take the Bantha Patty!”
Maul tensed at the explanation, the brilliance of the plan dawning on him. “Take the Bantha Patty,” he repeated as he lunged for the door.
“Move with haste, Sir, don't let her get away!”
Maul opened the door again, and Ahsoka had not moved. She merely picked up where she left off.
“…butterfly-catching with my friends at flower fields.”
Maul smiled grimly. “Alright, Tano, I'll play your little game.”
Ahsoka beamed. “Great!” Her feet sprang off the doorstep, and she began skipping away, motioning for him to follow. “Last one to the fields is a Sith!”
Maul’s face twisted in a concoction of offense and bewilderment. “I am a Sith.”
——————
“So, I get the big net and you get the little net,” Ahsoka asserted definitively, handing him the significantly smaller net.
Maul scowled at the flying blue insects that encircled him dubiously. “What happens after we eat them?”
Ahsoka giggled at the question. “You don't eat them, you catch them. Like this!” She swooped her net through a flock of the insects, capturing one in her custody.
Maul stared at the fluttering creature, looking unimpressed. “And?”
“And then you throw them back,” Ahsoka explained as she released it once more. “But watch out for the stingers.”
Maul straightened. “Stingers?” He envisioned himself ruling a great land alongside a butterfly under his control. All knees will bow to Maul. Hail, Maul. I win, I win.
“I win!”
“It's not about winning, it's about fun!” Ahsoka chirped.
Maul tilted his head, his brow drawing into a deep furrow. “What's that?”
She waved her net as she spoke. “Fun is when you... fun is... it's like... it's kinda... sorta like a…” She paused, gazing into his eyes in thought. “What is fun?”
Maul shrugged, thoroughly unamused.
The Jedi smiled warmly regardless. “Let me spell it for you.” At once, Ahsoka began to dance around a very rigid Maul. “F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me!” She attempted to link an arm around Maul’s which were tightly crossed against his chest. “N is for anywhere, anytime at all!“
The Force itself spoke in their minds. “Up here in the Coruscant City!”
Maul’s eyes were inflamed, and he drew away from Ahsoka. “F is for fire that burns down the whole town!” He imitated an explosion as he waved his arms above his head. “U is for uranium... bombs!” He spun once, then leaned towards Ahsoka with a maniacal grin. “N is for no survivors, WHEN YOU—“
“Maul!” She cut him off, her brow raised in gentle reprimanding. “Those things aren't what fun is all about.” Placing her hands on his shoulders, he turned him towards the flowers in the field once more. “Now, do it like this: F is for friends who do stuff to—“
“Never! That's completely idiotic!” Maul tucked his head away from her, attempting to shun the positivity out of his mind in favor of dark thoughts of destruction.
Ahsoka smiled sympathetically. “Here, let me help you…” She moved to his line of sight once more, continuing. “F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me… Try it!”
Meeting her gaze, Maul reluctantly abided. “N is for anywhere, anytime at all…”
The Force once again sang in their heads. “Up here in the Coruscant city!”
Maul’s eyes, wide and full of urgency, darted towards Ahsoka beside him. “Wait, I don't understand this, I feel all tingly inside.” He placed his hands on his midsection to add emphasis. “Should we stop?”
Her grin reassured him. “No, That's how you're supposed to feel!”
“Well, I like it,” Maul confessed, laughing airily in disbelief. “Let's do it again!” He chanted with vigor.
“Okay!”
The two sang together.
“F is for frolic through all the flowers, U is for ukulele!”
Ahsoka ran through a flock of butterflies, and Maul fumbled after her.
“N is nose-picking, sharing gum, and sand-licking, here with my best buddy!”
Their jubilant melodies resounded through the floral field.
——————
At the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan Kenobi inspected Ahsoka and Maul at the field through macrobinocilars.
He sighed dejectedly. “I feel a disturbance in the Force.”
——————
Back at his quarters, Maul struggled to pull a pair of lounge pants over his cybernetic leg, still riding the high of his playdate.
“And after that, we frolicked through the flowers, and next we—“
“Sounds like fun,” the droid cut in, its voice exceptionally annunciated.
“Well, the truly fun part was when we—“
The droid interjected again. “What did you do with the Bantha Patty?”
Maul paused, looking up from the ground as he clutched the waistband of his pants. “The what?”
The droid displayed a hologram of a Bantha Patty.
“The Bantha Patty, remember?”
Maul was instantly defensive, closing in on himself. “You cannot rush these things, you know.”
“You're forgetting the mission!” The droid accused, switching the hologram to that of a formula.
The Zabrak on the ground ditched his pants, standing up on cybernetic legs with his arms outstretched in offense. “What are you talking about?”
“You're being influenced, Sir Maul. Look at yourself!” The droid rolled over the pants that had piled at Maul’s feet. The clothing was closer in color to what the Jedi would wear with their robes—a stark difference to the Sith black he normally donned.
“What?” Maul asked dumbly.
——————
“I haven't seen Maul in a while.” Obi-Wan paced around the Temple hall, one hand on his chin in thought. “He must be scheming.”
Ahsoka pointedly avoided the Jedi Master’s gaze, sitting against a wall. “Who knows? Maybe he's changed.”
Obi-Wan paused his pacing in front of the Padawan. “Oh, who knows?” He knelt to be at her level. “I think you know. Padawan Tano, the Jedi have seen you and Maul catching butterflies with nets in—“
Ahsoka bowed up defensively. “He's changed, I’m telling you!”
Maul entered the Temple, waving at Ahsoka. “Ahsoka-buddy.”
Ahsoka bound over to Maul.
“Maul-buddy! Let’s go.” Her back turned to Obi-Wan, and she stalked towards the exit alongside Maul. “I forgot this is a no friend zone,” she snipped saltily.
Obi-Wan swiftly followed after them both, intercepting their path before they could leave the Temple. “Padawan, may I speak to you in private?” He turned to Maul then, setting a plate with a fresh Bantha Patty at his feet. “You wouldn't mind if I set this here, would you?”
Obi-Wan gestured for Ahsoka to follow him away, and the younger Jedi scurried after. “What's this all about, Master Kenobi?”
“He's a thief. Look at the rage in his eyes, he's—”
“Why can't you just accept our friendship, Master?”
“He's only after my Bantha recipe, Ahsoka. This will become abundantly evident.”
The two returned to where Maul stood then, and Obi-Wan feigned a pleasant smile. “Ah, you must be hungry after that long walk over here.”
“Oh, certainly.” Maul tilted his head in consideration. “But I believe it is wise to save my appetite for some Mantell Mix and Holovids.”
Hesitant confusion painted Obi-Wan’s face as he edged back. “Hmm… If you insist.” The Jedi took one step back, still anticipating Maul’s thievery, then nudged the plate closer to him with a boot.
“We've had enough of your tests, Master Kenobi.” Ahsoka kicked the Bantha Patty plate away from Maul back to Obi-Wan. “Come on, Maul, let's get out of here.”
When the two newfound friends vacated the Temple together, The Jedi Master was left alone gazing at the Patty now overturned at his feet.
“Maybe the Padawan was right,” he dared to admit to himself. “Maybe Maul has gone straight.” He massaged his nose-bridge, exhausted eyes fallen closed. “Hang in there, Padawan, I'm coming.”
——————
At the Holovid center, Ahsoka and Maul found their seats in the front row. The Jedi ate vehemently into a tin of Mantell Mix while passing handfuls to Maul every other bite.
As their eyes were glued to the screen before them, watching with thorough eagerness, a large Wookie emerged in front of Maul and sat directly on his seat—on top of the much smaller Zabrak.
“I sure like sequels, Maul,” Ahsoka began before catching sight of the Wookie that crushed Maul. “Hey, Mr. Wookie, you're sitting on my friend.”
The Wookie only sneered, settling deeper into his seat, eliciting a muffled but pained screech from Maul.
Ahsoka let out an agitated huff, before thrusting a handful of Mantell Mix across the isle. “Hey, Wookie!”
The large creature sprang off the seat, freeing Maul, and lunged for the Mantell Mix pile.
“Appreciations, friend.” Maul’s breathless voice heaved as he caught his air.
“Sure thing.”
Just as they resumed their engagement with the Holovid, a dark figure of a man penetrated the screen. “Listen well, All.”
“Master Kenobi? ” Ahsoka was certain that her eyes must be deceiving her now.
“He is deceiving you.” From the room of the Holovid’s projector, Obi-Wan’s voice resounded through the theater. “Reach into his pocket now, and take what he's got.”
Everybody in the theater stole an item from the pocket of whoever was sitting next to them.
When Ahsoka didn’t comply, Obi-Wan insisted. “You too, Padawan.”
Begrudgingly, Ahsoka plucked an item from Maul’s pocket. “There, Master, now can we—“
Her eyes expanded wide with shock as she realized she had fished a Bantha Patty from his pocket. “I… I can't believe this.”
Maul appeared equally stunned. “It's not what you think.”
“What is it then?” The younger Jedi pressed, betrayal evident on her features. She shook the Patty in front of his face. “Tell me what you see here!”
“I... I don't see anything,” came his stuttered response.
Tears began to form in Ahsoka’s eyes as she scooted away from Maul, gripping the Bantha Patty. “How can you not see it?!”
“Okay, okay, I see it!” Moisture glistened in Maul’s eyes as well as he tucked into himself. “It's a Bantha Patty, okay? I couldn't help it,” he rasped.
Her arms flailed helplessly as she shouted, “But we sang the F.U.N. Song!” The Padawan clutched her stomach. “I think I'm gonna be sick. How long?”
Maul’s head tilted slightly as he blinked. “How long what?”
Ahsoka grasped Maul’s shoulders then, pulling his frame towards her roughly. “How long were you planning on doing this?!” She searched his eyes for clarity. “Tell me!”
Yellow eyes were shot red as hot tears burned Maul’s cheeks.
Ahsoka softened the hold on his shoulders faintly, blinking wet eyelashes. “Maul?”
Maul’s mouth shook frustratingly as he searched for the right words. At last, he looked at Ahsoka, his brow set deep. “Alas, it is true, I tricked you to get the Bantha Patty.”
Maul watched as hurt flashed across Ahsoka’s face, so he swiftly continued.
“But then you showed me… friendship.” His eyes displayed vulnerable sincerity. “And now I realize that is all I truly needed.”
The Padawan sniffled, the beginning of a smile tugging at her lips. Tears had stopped flowing as she whispered, “Really?”
Maul grinned devilishly then, snatching the Bantha Patty from her hands and leaping towards the screen. “No, not really. Being a Sith is too much fun.”
A Twi’lek on the Holovid screen wept. “Oh, darling, I knew nothing would ever tear us apart!” Maul ripped through the screen, fleeing the theater and vanishing from sight.
——————
Ahsoka stared drearily at the hole in the screen. “Master Kenobi, he's gone. He got the Patty. He won.”
“Oh, not to worry, Padawan—he certainly did not.” Obi-Wan descended the final steps to the front of the theater. “Don't you know what’s behind these screens? Solid ferrocrete.”
Maul was pressed flat against the wall, semi-conscious and groaning miserably.
Obi-Wan plucked the Bantha Patty out of his hand.
“I'm sorry, Master.” Guilt bled into each of Ahsoka’s words. “I thought Maul had changed.” She held her arms in discontentment.
Obi-Wan smiled meaningfully at the younger Jedi as they returned to her seat to gather her belongings. “Don't blame him, Padawan. No friendship could withstand the allure of a Bantha Patty.” He gave Ahsoka a gentle reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Now let's go back to the Temple and have a fresh one… on me.”
Ahsoka beamed, jogging to keep up with the Jedi Master as he moved toward the room’s exit. “Yes, Master Kenobi!”
On their way out, walking to the front of the theater once more, Obi-Wan admired the retrieved Patty in his hand. “Well, maybe on a discount.“ He then used the Force to move Maul off the wall and into the large Wookie’s seat.
“Huh?” A groggy Maul gawked uselessly before promptly being crushed as the Wookie returned to its seat.