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From the very beginning, Lexi and Fez trusted each other implicitly. Those first conversations, in the days after the couch and the talking and the smiles, was where they built something together. A base, a stable foundation. Both of them felt it, that thread running between them, tangling them together. It was there before either of them realized, until, one day, they found themselves standing steadily on it.
Lexi told him things she never told anyone. She talked so much, that she often wondered how he could still stand the sound of her voice. From personal things, hopes and dreams, to long rants about the latest book she read or a documentary that caught her eye. Fez never interrupted, which fascinated her. “Okay Lex can you wrap it up?” echoed each and every person in Lexi’s life. Her parents, sister, friends. None of them ever cared to hear the ends of her sentences. No one did, not until him.
Oftentimes she marveled at the situation she found herself in. Out of everyone she ever met, it was the local drug dealer Lexi felt most comfortable with. Guilt would wash over her every time she thought of him as such. Now, more than ever, she knew he was so much more. Sweet and kind and calm. To a person so familiar with anxiety, Fez was a safe harbor, a place she could dock all her words and stories, knowing they would never be allowed to sink. Lexi knew all of this was a result of his kindness. He can’t actually care about every single innate thought of hers, yet without fault he listened.
For a man of few words, Fez could be surprisingly talkative. Nowhere close to her tide of words, but more than she ever expected. He spoke of ideas and life, sometimes in such a way that it left Lexi speechless. She realized pretty early on they shared a trait of observing, both always somewhere on the sidelines, looking on. His insights were so poignant sometimes, so touching, Lexi would wonder who he would be, if life had only treated him a little kinder.
It felt like breathing, that’s how natural stepping from friends to lovers was with Fez. They were already toeing the line for weeks, months, before Lexi took a fateful step over and placed a quick kiss on his lips on one random afternoon. She had said something that made him smile, and Lexi wasn’t religious, but she found herself thanking the universe for letting her witness the sight.
Her doe eyes stared at him, terrified, while he stared back shocked. It was only a second before he surged and kissed her back with fervor, cradling her head in his hands, as if her face was the most precious thing his palms ever got to touch. It was only a second between the two heartbeats, between the two kisses, but a second was more than enough. Both of them knew.
They fell into a rhythm, and it was so easy, Lexi would laugh in wonder at herself when she was lying in bed at night. She couldn’t remember ever smiling so much as she has in the previous months. Lexi never felt safer, yet more stripped down to the bone in her life. She knew he must feel the same. This man doesn’t trust easy, but he trusts her. Trust was integral to them, honesty made home in each and every kiss and touch. Openness, the likes of which neither ever got to experience before.
That is why Lexi found herself in shock when, a few weeks into this budding thing, she found out Fez was keeping something from her.
- - -
It was a Wednesday evening and she was hanging out at Fez’s place after school. Ash was manning the store, and Faye ran out hours earlier, disappearing to wherever she goes sometimes. Fez and Lexi were left all alone, happy to spend a few precious hours in each other's company.
Sprawled out all around her on the couch were piles of papers, books and notes. She had a huge history exam that Friday, and no matter how much she wanted to do nothing but stare at Fez in the kitchen as he made them dinner, she had to focus on this first.
Rubbing her forehead, she tried to decipher her own rushed handwriting. She couldn’t for the life of her figure out what those numbers were. The date could’ve been anything. Lexi grabbed her phone to check, only to realize it was dead. She sighed, annoyed, and looked around trying to spot a charger. Instead, she saw Fez’s phone right there on the coffee table in front of her.
“Hey Fez,” she called out, “mind if I use your phone? I just need to check some dates really quickly.”
Fez peered at her from across the room, apron on, a stirring spoon in his hand. He looked so cute, Lexi wanted to kiss him to death.
“Yeah shawty, sure. Passcode is,” he paused to think, “two-five-three nine-four-seven,” Fez rattled off, before turning back to the stove.
It wasn’t until the phone was in her hand, typing in the numbers, that she realized. Alexis. Her heart thumped loudly, as she gazed around at his form. His back was turned to her, totally unaware of the feeling washing over her. She blinked a few times, before turning back to the phone in her hands. The date, she had to find the date.
His home screen was weirdly empty. This is what having no socials looks like, thought Lexi wryly. Finding the browser she was looking for, she clicked on the icon and was just about to search, when she noticed the number of open tabs.
137? What the hell?
Curiosity got the better of her, as she guiltily clicked on to see what those tabs contained.
Lexi could not have predicted the answer in a million years. She stared, dumbstruck, and scrolled up and up, until she reached the end. Staring at the unlocked screen, she could feel tears welling up, her throat constricting.
Pages and pages of her. Dozens of open dictionary and wikipedia pages, articles and googled names of books and people and movies. An Amazon search on colorful yarn. She vaguely remembered mentioning wanting to get into knitting a few weeks back.
All those months, she knew all the time he was listening to her. Lexi never actually considered that he was hearing. In hindsight, that was her insecurity rearing its ugly head, cause here in front of her was proof that he took every word seriously. Almost every single search was related to something she told him about. Review of a book she liked, a recipe for the meal she mentioned enjoying. In depth dives into climate change she passionately spoke about. One of the latest searches was the word ‘thwart’. Lexi recalled using it the day before while talking to him about Lord of the Rings.
I love him so much, the thought came to her unbridled.
Oh.
She loved him.
Her heart swelled, the emotion covering her head to toe. Of course she loved him. She must’ve loved him for weeks now, months. It was not a weak kind of love, Lexi knew that instantly. This thing was strong, it was permanent. They didn’t fall into it, it grew. She blinked back the tears and locked the phone, placing it back on the table.
Fez took the time to actually know her. This wasn’t googling the scraps, this was taking every bit she gave him and digging deeper, treasuring whatever she graced him with. This was him being confused but never interrupting her, searching for the answers to his questions, learning the words she threw at him.
Lexi got up, legs shaking, and made her way to the kitchen. Fez was still standing by the stove, completely unaware of the life-altering realization she was going through. He was humming a melody, something she couldn’t recognize, while stirring the pot.
In a blink, Lexi found herself attached to his back. She pressed her cheek firmly between his shoulder blades, taking a deep breath, trying to steady herself but just being addedly overwhelmed by the smell of him.
“Hey darlin’”, he rubbed the back of her hand laying on his stomach, “you okay?”
She nodded, knowing he could feel it, and squeezed tighter. They stood like that in silence for a couple of minutes, taking each other’s presence in. At last, she opened her mouth and spoke.
“I love you.” The words rolled off her tongue so easily, as if she had said them already a countless number of times.
He froze, dropping the spoon into the pot and wrenched himself from her embrace, just to turn around quickly and stare at her, mouth agape.
“You serious?” Fez asked in hushed wonder. His hand reached up to cradle her face.
“Really, really serious. Astronomically serious. Probably the most serious I’ve ever been about anything. I love you,” she repeated with conviction. There was no worry in her voice. His eyes told her everything his mouth hasn’t had the chance to yet.
His other hand squeezed her waist, as he pulled her into a crushing kiss. They’ve traded plenty by now, but none were like this. Lexi could feel it between them, the electricity coursing through her veins. Her entire body shivered.
When they finally pulled away, he placed both palms on her face and spoke. “I love you. Never thought I could ever love like this, but I do. Love you.” He spoke with such surety, her heart grew a size. Hearing him say those words settled something in her, the last piece of the puzzle fell into place. As far as she was concerned, they will be sharing this life for a long time to come.
Their dinner burned, but it didn’t matter. The spark between them was set ablaze, and with eyes closed, foreheads pressed together, they set down the first brick on that foundation they had unknowingly started months back.