Chapter Text
[2 pm]
[On a Saturday]
[Somewhere in Pennsylvania]
DENNIS is driving his Range Rover. MAC’s in the passenger seat, and the rest of the Gang are in the back seat.
DENNIS
Ah, yes, a weekend at a resort. Only skiing and fine dining and classy living from here on out.
FRANK
Who wants to help me with the steaks in the trunk?
DENNIS
Wait what? You brought meat with us? This better not be a goddamn scheme.
FRANK
See, I’m gonna convince these sleazy, high-brow yahoos to take the money they’d spend on quality meat, sell the steaks for full price, and turn a profit. I’ll get 25% of course.
DENNIS
No, Frank, no, we came here to be classy and sophisticated. You’re not selling low-grade meat to this ski resort!
MAC
Hey Dennis, do you want to start with snowboarding or skiing first because I was thinking skis are wimpy and crushable, but snowboards are badass.
DENNIS
I’m not doing this. I’m not making this into a competition. I’m so goddamn tired, and you’re already getting me worked up. We’ve never had a successful vacation you guys. Just once, just once let me enjoy myself.
Outside shot of the Range Rover. Dennis gets out of the car and runs into a handsome stranger immediately.
DENNIS apologizes once he sees that the man is gorgeous.
DENNIS
Oh sorry, uh, didn’t see you there, pal.
MAN
Hey, no problem.
DENNIS
I see you have an Alfa Romeo. Fine car for a fine man no less.
MAN
[chuckles]
It is, it is…you guys here to hit the slopes?
DEE
[prepared to speak]
Yea–
DENNIS
[interrupts]
Yes we’re here on vacation. Giving some of our less cultured friends a taste of the high life. I’m Dennis by the way. [reaches out to shake the man’s hand] Dennis Reynolds.
MAN
Nice to meet you, Dennis. I’m Steven Ewing. You can call me Steve.
DEE
[jumps at the chance to introduce herself]
And I’m Dee Reynolds.
STEVE
Oh, are you his wife?
DEE
[laughs uproariously]
Oh no, eughhhh, I’m his sister. And completely single.
STEVE
[turns to leave]
Well, it was nice running into you. I guess I’ll see you around.
[smiles at DENNIS and leaves]
CHARLIE
Whaaaaat was that?
MAC
That guy was checking you out, Dennis!
DEE
Uh, pshhhh, no, he asked if I was his wife. He wanted to know if I was married. Dude wants to get Dee’d.
DENNIS
What, no, Dee, the man clearly recognized another man with excellent taste and is interested in pursuing a high-class friendship. That’s just what I need, someone to discuss foreign cars and the latest fashions.
CHARLIE
I don’t know, sounds gay to me, man.
DENNIS
It isn’t gay. And I for one am excited to finally make acquaintance with a man of my standards.
[beat]
[theme music]
[“Dennis Dates a Man”]