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There’s a storm raging outside their dorm, and though Neil typically finds comfort in the rain, he’s struggling to fall asleep.
The rain isn’t the cause, but rather the other boy laying across the room some five feet away. Neil has been pretending not to hear his sniffles and whimpers for the past twenty minutes, if the clock is anything to go by, and he’s starting to worry.
He waits a few moments longer before deciding to act, flinching as a crack of thunder interrupts his first attempt to speak.
Neil rolls over onto his side facing Todd (or rather, Todd’s back), and clears his throat softly before calling out his name.
The quiet whines and the shaking of the other boy’s shoulders falter as he freezes in place, clearly startled at being caught. There’s a pregnant pause before he responds, his timid voice barely carrying over the pattering on the windows. “Neil?”
Choosing his words carefully, Neil shifts the blankets higher up on his shoulders. “Are you alright over there?”
He watches, rapt, as Todd curls further in on himself, the line of his shoulder blades visible through his pajamas. Neil has to strain his ears to make out what’s being said.
“Yeah I’m– it’s fine. Just can’t–” Todd pauses briefly to sniffle and wipe his nose, “can’t sleep, that's all.”
“Do you maybe want to talk about it?” He doesn’t mean to say it at first, but once he starts talking he can’t stop. Carpe diem, he supposes.
A shaky breath, and the same hand as before coming up to scrub over his face. “It’s dumb, Neil. Just drop it and let’s go to sleep.”
Neil feels his eyebrows pull together instinctively, ready to jump into action, but he instead burrows further into the bed and tries to think about this rationally. Todd is afraid of the storm, and is clearly upset and embarrassed about it. Or about being caught in it, at least.
“Todd, whatever it is, it isn’t dumb. We all have our fears, yeah? You don’t have to, but if you wanna talk I’m right here.”
It’s quiet for what feels like ages, before a shaky Todd finally responds.
“Fine, but can you maybe uh– maybe come over here? You don’t have to stay, it’s just, y’know.” He still hasn’t turned around, but Neil can almost see the heavy swallow following Todd’s whispers. It always chases after his words when he’s nervous or embarrassed, and while subtle, it still makes Neil want to simply bury his face in the crook of his neck and shoulder and never leave.
“Come over there as in like, into the bed? Or should I just kind of hover nearby?” The question is rushed, and Neil is nervous to ask, but they’re past the point of shame tonight anyways.
Todd turns his head slightly to the left to glance over his shoulder, and Neil can actually catch a glimpse of that awkward swallow this time. His voice is marginally more hoarse than before, now, too. “I’d be alright with either. It’s pretty cold in here anyways, right?” It is, but Neil doesn’t say anything as he quietly slips out of bed.
He avoids the discarded socks and pants scattered across the floor, and glances at the dirty teacups on their nightstands. Their room could probably do with a good clean.
As he’s coming over, Todd scoots towards the wall and lays on his side facing Neil to make room for him. It’s only then that the reality of what he’s doing washes over Neil. He’s about to climb into bed with his roommate-slash-friend who’s currently distressed over the thunder outside, and attempt to comfort him. Not exactly how he saw his night going, but when it comes to Todd, he’s found that he never minds sudden changes of plans. Especially when it’s because Todd needs something. But it’s a normal thing for friends to be willing to drop everything for one another, right? Neil thinks so.
He tries to get into bed as quietly as possible, finally meeting Todd’s eyes when they’re laying face-to-face. With the moonlight shining down onto him, he looks like some kind of god. Disheveled hair, teary eyes, and pouty lips all coming together to craft a modern day Adonis if Neil has ever seen one.
Neither of them notice that they’re both leaning in more subconsciously, or that their legs have pressed forward on the tiny bed to intertwine.
This close together, Neil can feel Todd’s shaky breaths fanning softly against his face and the jackrabbit pace of his heart. He’s pretty sure there’s a light sheen of sweat on his face, as well.
Tentatively, Neil reaches out and rests his hand on the side of Todd’s face. “Can we try something?”
He feels the clench of Todd’s jaw loosen and can see his hair shift up and down the pillow below them as he nods, probably making it even harder to brush out in the morning. Neil will help him if he needs to, it wouldn’t be the first time.
“Alright then, try to breathe with me, okay?” Neil purposefully calms his breathing, taking slow, deep breaths in, holding it, and then releasing it periodically. At some point along the line his thumb starts to gently brush across Todd’s cheekbone, and Neil starts to notice little things he never did before. Like how Todd must use a mint flavored toothpaste, how he has a small and faint freckle to the right of his mouth, and how his eyelids flutter whenever he concentrates on every exhale.
Neil only realizes that he’s stopped breathing when Todd sends him an odd look, one eyebrow raised slightly in worry. He blinks rapidly, trying to shake off the strange film that seems to be clinging to his mind.
“Are you alright, Neil?”
“Ye– Yeah I’m fine. Are you doing any better?”
“Thanks to you I am. Having you so close, keeping me warm and calm. . . It’s nice.”
Neil feels a smile break out across his face hearing that, unsure what the feeling building in his chest is. It’s warm and fuzzy, fluttering around like a dove trapped inside a cage. He wants to set it free.
“Good, good. Just focus on me, okay? In the morning the storm will be over and it’ll all be okay.”
Todd gets a weird look in his eye that Neil’s never seen before as the corners of his mouth also tug upwards, and he could swear that his voice has grown heavier with emotion.
“As long as we stick together I think everything will always be okay, Neil,” Todd pauses, and to Neil’s surprise, leans forward into his arms, resting his head onto Neil’s chest, “Thank you for helping me tonight as well. I’ve never let anyone really see me like that before.”
“I’m honored to be the first.”
They lay like that for a moment until Neil eventually brought his hand to rest loosely over Todd’s side, attempting to get more comfortable.
Is this something that guys normally do with their friends? Neil has heard about couples cuddling like this, guys and girls who have found one another and fallen in love. But he’s certainly never heard about this. Not even from Charlie, who he’s pretty sure has done most things at least once, with guys and girls alike.
He knows Todd isn’t asleep yet, because he’s still rhythmically running his hands through Neil’s hair. When he started doing this Neil has no idea, but it feels nice, so he doesn’t mind.
Neil stops worrying about the time, instead focusing on how the moonlight reflects on Todd’s hair, the dust floating in the air by the window (he finds they look almost like sparkles), and the soft patter of rain on the outside wall, causing the trees outside to sway.
Everything combined causes his eyelids to eventually feel heavier, allowing Neil to start to drift off.
That is, until Todd shifts in his arms, moving to look him in the eye.
Immediately, Neil opens his eyes fully, worried that Todd might be upset again, when he feels a hand come to rest on his face, not unlike how his did earlier.
“Neil?”
“Yeah?”
“Could I uhm– can I kiss you?”
And in that moment the dove waiting in Neil’s chest seemed to finally locate the key. Perhaps it was his imagination talking, or maybe he was simply already dreaming, but he couldn’t help but feel a certain relief. That’s what this all was.
He was falling in love with Todd.
Almost subconsciously, Neil nods, tilting his head further towards Todd. He’s never been kissed before, and he definitely didn’t see his first being with his best friend, but. . . it’s alright. Sure, other than Charlie and the occasional underground couple here at Welton, Neil had never really heard of two boys being in love. But that’s okay.
He leans in, and his eyes flutter shut at the first press of lips against his own. It’s a tad awkward trying to find the right angle at first, but when they do, it’s like everything Neil imagined a kiss would be. Something he only thought he’d see in his favorite poems. The stuff of fairytales and cheesy romance novels.
The kiss isn’t hurried, and nothing about it is heated. At that moment it’s only Neil, Todd, and the dust sparkles floating about their room. At that moment, it’s just a couple of boys falling in love to the sound of rain and thunder, to the smell of tea and old books, and to the tune of their own classical piece, something special and unique to the two of them.
And at that moment, it’s just two souls laying underneath the moonlight, no longer fearing the rain, and instead focused entirely on one another.