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Anakin should have known better.
He should have known that tracking Rish Loo was too easy.
To be lured so easily into Dooku’s trap was beyond foolish. It was reckless.
Reckless.
Everyone’s favorite word for him.
The word swam through his brain, drowning out the soft beeping of the medical instruments still attached to him.
Hushed voices outside of the room broke his concentration.
Obi-Wan. Anakin had felt his signature drawing closer. He was almost surprised it had taken Obi-Wan so long to make his way to the Halls of Healing, but maybe that was a good thing.
If there was ever a time Anakin wanted to be alone, it was now.
Of course, that wouldn’t last. The door hissed open, Obi-Wan stepping inside the small room, making his presence known as dramatically as possible. Sighing, Anakin rolled to his back, staring resolutely at the ceiling.
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan whispered when the door shut behind him.
“Master, you didn’t have to come,” Anakin started, but was caught off by a hurt expression crossing Obi-Wan’s face.
“Of course I did,” Obi-Wan protested.
“I’m not your padawan anymore,” Anakin grumbled. “You don’t have to come running when I skin my knee.”
“I don’t recall ever running to you when you skinned your knee,” Obi-Wan mused and sat down on the bed, the mattress dipping with his weight.
Anakin huffed and folded his arms in front of him. “Well,” he mumbled. “I’m fine anyway.”
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said gently, as if it might break him, Anakin thought.
He hated that thought.
“I know what happened,” Obi-Wan continued.
Taking in a deep breath through his nose, Anakin exhaled sharply, willing the Force to help him relax. “Then you probably know that I’m not really interested in talking about it.”
A foolish thought, but Anakin could wish for it anyway.
“Darling-”
“Obi-Wan, he wasn’t going to kill me,” Anakin insisted. “He needed me alive.”
“Anakin, you were tortured. ” Obi-Wan’s frown was deepening as he said it.
“I’ve been through worse,” Anakin countered.
Obi-Wan exhaled slowly and turned away from Anakin so he was facing the closed door.
“Please don’t make a bigger deal out of this than it already is,” Anakin whispered.
“If that is what you want,” Obi-Wan promised reluctantly and turned back to face Anakin. “I am very glad that you are home. Safe.”
The corners of Anakin’s mouth twitched into a sad smile. He shouldn’t be home. He shouldn’t even be here. If it weren’t for him, Grievous would still be captured and maybe the war could be ending soon.
“Me too,” he said anyway.
Selfish.
He was selfish to be glad that he was home.
Selfish and reckless, he thought to himself.
At least he was getting to the core of who he really was.
“Let me do that for you,” Obi-Wan said, swatting Anakin’s hands out of the way as he was trying to make an afternoon cup of caf after being released from the Halls of Healing by Master Che.
Normally, Obi-Wan would have given him some kind of admonishment. “That’s enough, dear one.” Or “You can have tea instead.” Followed of course by Anakin’s favorite line to hate, “I’m not asking.”
But instead, Obi-Wan was fussing over a cup of caf well into the late hours of the afternoon.
Anakin flopped into a chair at the kitchen table, wondering where his annoyance was even coming from. Obi-Wan was just trying to be nice, after all.
Picking up his datapad, Anakin scrolled aimlessly through messages and documents, getting lost in the words on the screen before a distinct plunk of the caf cup being set onto the table broke into his mindlessness followed by a kiss to the top of his head.
“Thanks,” Anakin said quietly.
“You’re welcome, my love,” Obi-Wan whispered and sat down at the table next to Anakin.
“I can make my own caf though,” Anakin said, taking a sip from the cup.
“You can,” Obi-Wan said easily. “But I can as well.”
There was no reprimand. No teasing. No sense of anything other than unadulterated affection.
Anakin hated it.
“Were you working on your report?” Obi-Wan asked, seemingly out of the blue.
Huffing, Anakin pushed the datapad away. “No.”
“Do you need help with it?” Obi-Wan pressed.
“No,” Anakin frowned, rolling his eyes. “I’m going to go… train or something,” he mumbled, pushing the half finished caf away from him.
It looked like Obi-Wan was holding back a warning - something he wanted to say, but wouldn’t.
“Are you sure, darling?” was what he settled on instead.
Anakin’s frown deepened. “Yeah,” he replied, his voice tight.
“Would you like comp-”
“I’ll be fine,” Anakin said, shutting down the question before it could even get asked. He waited for Obi-Wan to counter that statement, but when he didn’t, Anakin stood from the table.
“You’re making a bigger deal of this than it is,” Anakin said simply and pressed a kiss to Obi-Wan’s temple before leaving their quarters.
Anakin could barely catch his breath as he leaned against the wall of the training salle, his lightsaber clutched in his hand.
He checked the chrono on the wall, noting the late hour and wondering why Obi-Wan hadn’t come to try and find him or even comm him.
Debating if he should go another round with the training droid, he lifted his arm, the lightsaber shaking slightly in his grip.
“Home it is,” he huffed.
Holstering his lightsaber on his belt, he weakly pushed back from the wall, noting the tightness in his chest and the rawness of his throat.
He dragged his feet towards home, wondering when he’d lost his stamina. Or when he’d grown so weak.
Their home was dark when Anakin opened the door and stepped inside. He shivered as he walked through the living room towards their bedroom, the sweat drying on his skin.
“Anakin?” Obi-Wan murmured sleepily, flipping on the light with a wave of his hand.
“Sorry, Master,” Anakin mumbled and shut out the light almost as soon as Obi-Wan had turned it on. He made his way to the fresher, stripping out of his clothing. Another uncontrollable shiver surged through him and he turned his attention to the shower.
He twisted the faucet, letting the water warm up as he removed the rest of his clothing.
It felt better than it should have to step under the stream of hot water - the only cleaning he had gotten recently was the unsatisfying wash of a sonic.
“Are you taking a shower?” Obi-Wan asked, coming into the fresher.
Anakin stuck his head out and gave Obi-Wan a half-hearted smile, meant to be reassuring, but sure that it came off as far less than that. “Thought I should clean up before I came to bed.”
“Would you mind if I joined you?” Obi-Wan asked, almost hesitantly.
Anakin hated it and before he could stop himself, a frown spread across his face.
“I don’t want to impose,” Obi-Wan said.
“Just…” Anakin huffed. “Just get in already.”
Obi-Wan tugged off his shirt followed by his sleep pants before stepping into the shower and under the water.
“Far too hot as always,” Obi-Wan mused as if he were trying to tease as he normally would have, but the usual playfulness was replaced by melancholy.
“A new scar,” Obi-Wan noted when Anakin tipped his head to the side to wash his neck.
“Who can keep track anymore?” Anakin grumbled and tipped his head back, hoping to hide it.
Obi-Wan reached his hand out, his thumb brushing over the slightly raised and reddened skin. “Anakin,” he said softly, his voice cracking.
Anakin’s fingers wrapped around Obi-Wan’s wrist and pulled it away. “It’s fine, Master.”
Instead of arguing, Obi-Wan withdrew his hand.
“What are you doing?” Anakin asked pointedly. “Why are you being like this?”
“Like what, my love?” Obi-Wan asked gently, his eyebrows knit together.
“Like I’m-” Anakin exhaled sharply. “Like I’m going to break!”
“I’m not-”
“Yes, you are!” Anakin insisted and shut off the water, the room suddenly silent except for the droplets of water dripping from their bodies.
“Anakin, you could have died,” Obi-Wan implored.
“But I didn’t,” Anakin snapped. “I’m here now, aren’t I?”
Obi-Wan stayed silent, scanning Anakin’s features.
“Whatever,” Anakin frowned and stepped past Obi-Wan to get out of the shower.
“Wait,” Obi-Wan said quickly. “Anakin.”
“No,” Anakin said defiantly.
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan cautioned, his voice edged with something familiar.
So he pressed a little harder. “Obi-Wan,” Anakin said harshly.
A frown crossed Obi-Wan’s face and he folded his arms in front of him.
“See?” Anakin snapped again. He toweled himself off, wrapping the towel around his waist. Anakin was changing into his pajamas when Obi-Wan walked back into the bedroom, still pulling on his sleep shirt.
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan scolded, his voice growing hard - packing so much into that single word.
Anakin sighed, wincing slightly as he lifted his arm to pull on his shirt. “I’m sorry, okay?” he frowned, his voice lowering, hoping they could just drop everything and go to bed. “I didn’t mean it.”
“What is it that you want from me?” Obi-Wan asked.
Huffing, Anakin waved it off and got into bed, noticing the cup of water on his nightstand. A gesture of care from Obi-Wan.
His Obi-Wan.
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan begged, sitting on the edge of the bed. “What is it you want from me? Tell me how to help you.”
“There’s nothing to help,” Anakin mumbled and internally cringed at the edge in his voice.
“I thought you wanted…” Obi-Wan waved his hand as if searching for the right word. “Some space.”
Anakin turned his head just enough to see the profile of Obi-Wan: his head slumped slightly forward, eyes closed, his chest rising and falling with the deep breaths he used to steady himself in the present.
“Other Jedi have died while imprisoned by the Separatists,” Obi-Wan said gently, as if he needed to explain his worry.
He didn’t need to, Anakin knew. He knew why Obi-Wan had been worried.
Had the reverse happened, Anakin would have flown to Naboo himself.
“I know you would have,” Obi-Wan said with a humorless smirk, finally turning to fully look at Anakin and Anakin sheepishly realized he hadn’t been shielding well, if at all.
“Padme shouldn’t have done what she did,” Anakin said quietly and pulled the blankets up to his chest.
“But she did,” Obi-Wan said instantly. “And you are here now.”
Anakin snorted a derisive laugh.
“Safe,” Obi-Wan said gently. When Anakin stayed silent, his head bowed and fingers tugging at the hair behind his right ear, Obi-Wan begged, “Anakin, please tell me what you want from me.”
Anakin lifted his head at his name, but kept his gaze down.
“Because every particle in me is telling me to hold you close and keep you there,” Obi-Wan continued in a whisper. “And I am doing my best to-”
Obi-Wan wasn’t allowed to get the next words out before Anakin practically tackled him into the bed, his kiss nearly bruising.
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said in surprise, his voice slightly muffled.
Anakin backed off, swallowing thickly, wondering when his master had grown so anxious and unsure.
It wasn’t true, of course. Obi-Wan had just done his best to hide it from Anakin in his padawan years, but now Anakin was allowed inside - privy to every one of Obi-Wan’s tumultuous and uneasy feelings.
Anakin stayed on top of Obi-Wan peering down at him, at the lines etched into his face and Anakin wondered briefly how many of those lines were worry lines for him.
“You were worried about me,” Anakin whispered, running fingers through Obi-Wan’s damp hair, still mostly wet after being given only a cursory tousle with the towel.
“More than you know,” Obi-Wan murmured.
“I was stupid to get caught,” Anakin growled, anger welling in him again, directed only at his foolishness.
“I’ve been captured before too,” Obi-Wan offered.
“I should have seen the signs.” Anakin flopped to the side, a hand firmly tangled in the hair at the top of his head as he rolled to his back. “And I let them use me as a way to get Grievous back.”
Obi-Wan stayed silent, fingers brushing over the bare skin of Anakin’s bicep.
“I’m reckless,” Anakin rasped. “And selfish.”
“What?” Obi-Wan asked, clearly bewildered as he propped himself onto an elbow.
“I’m happy I’m back,” Anakin whispered, looking directly at Obi-Wan. “Padme shouldn’t have done that, but…” He swallowed. “I’m glad that I’m back with you.”
Exhaling slowly, Obi-Wan took the hand that Anakin had tangled in his hair. “Then I suppose I am also selfish,” he admitted quietly.
Anakin rolled his eyes at Obi-Wan’s blatantly false confession. There was no one in the galaxy that epitomized the word “selfless” more than Obi-Wan. Pressing a kiss to Obi-Wan’s shoulder, Anakin climbed on top of him, settling his lower half between Obi-Wan’s legs and his head resting on Obi-Wan’s chest.
“What am I going to do with you?” Obi-Wan whispered, running fingers through damp curls.
Anakin huffed a small laugh and inhaled deeply, savoring the scent of Obi-Wan. His Obi-Wan.
“Every time I leave you alone, you come home with a new scar,” Obi-Wan mused lightly.
“I guess you shouldn’t be allowed to leave me alone then,” Anakin said quietly and lifted his head to look at Obi-Wan who was giving him a sad smile.
“No?” Obi-Wan smirked. “I will be sure to inform the Council of this decision.”
“At your earliest convenience,” Anakin chuckled softly and settled his head back down on Obi-Wan’s chest, grounding himself in the rise and fall of Obi-Wan’s slow and measured breaths.
“I was worried…” Anakin started softly, pausing when he felt Obi-Wan tense beneath him.
“Worried about what?” Obi-Wan pressed gently.
“Worried about you,” Anakin admitted quietly. “When I was captured. I thought-” He took in a deep breath, leaning into Obi-Wan’s hand that was running through his hair. “I was worried that you would be worried,” he said, almost laughing at the way he said it.
“Hm,” Obi-Wan hummed thoughtfully. “How very selfish of you,” he teased.
“Master,” Anakin said, rolling his eyes.
Silence lay between them for a few minutes, the only sound in the room the dulled noise of the city’s traffic.
“I suppose that at some point, I will have to let you go,” Obi-Wan whispered into the darkness, his voice heavy.
“But not yet,” Anakin said quietly, pressing himself into Obi-Wan as if he could somehow close the non-existent distance between them.
“But not yet,” Obi-Wan murmured.
When Anakin awoke the next morning, he thought he must have sleep-walked into the middle of Coruscant traffic and been hit by a few speeders.
Every muscle ached, a chastisement direct from his body for the over-exertion he had put himself through the night before.
He stretched a leg out only to find it entwined with Obi-Wan’s. A small smile came to his face as he realized the strange tangled position in which they had fallen asleep: Obi-Wan’s arm wrapped around Anakin’s waist, holding fast, while Obi-Wan’s nose was pressed into the nape of Anakin’s neck, their legs in an awkward twist.
“Why are you awake so early?” came the sleepy grumble from the man behind Anakin.
“You’re one to talk,” Anakin countered. “You always wake me up with your morning meditation.”
“That’s good to know. Next time I do it, you can join me,” Obi-Wan huffed a laugh, his voice still hoarse from sleep.
“Master,” Anakin groused playfully.
Obi-Wan chuckled softly before asking in a quiet voice, “How are you feeling, my love?”
Anakin shrugged, hissing slightly at the ache in his shoulder that appeared when he did that.
“Sore?” Obi-Wan guessed.
“A little,” Anakin admitted. “But it’s not bad.”
“If you are even acknowledging it, it must be worse than you’re letting on,” Obi-Wan said thoughtfully and removed his arm from around Anakin’s waist with a whimper of protest from Anakin.
“I’ll be back soon,” Obi-Wan promised and stood from the bed.
Anakin turned to his back as he watched Obi-Wan leave the room for the fresher.
“Your hair looks more ridiculous than usual,” Anakin teased when Obi-Wan came back into the room.
A hand shot up to the tuft of hair that was sticking straight out to the side and Obi-Wan tried to smooth it down. “Well, that is what happens when I go to bed with wet hair, it seems,” he offered as a way of an excuse.
“It looks good,” Anakin teased with a crooked smile and sat up in bed with a grimace.
“I brought you some pain meds,” Obi-Wan said, sitting on the edge of the bed and placing them in Anakin’s hand.
“Thanks,” Anakin mumbled and swallowed them without question.
“Take it easy today,” Obi-Wan said as he slipped back into bed.
“And why am I going to do that, old man?” Anakin asked, sidling up next to Obi-Wan so they could embrace again. He rested his head on Obi-Wan’s chest as an arm wrapped around his shoulders.
“Because I told you to,” Obi-Wan murmured with a smirk.
“Because that always works,” Anakin said, snorting a laugh.
“Today it will,” Obi-Wan said with certainty and squeezed Anakin’s shoulder that was resting against Obi-Wan’s chest. “I will make certain of it.”
Anakin smiled to himself and shut his eyes.
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said softly after a moment of comfortable silence had lingered between them.
“Hm?” Anakin hummed.
“Please never doubt how much I care for you,” Obi-Wan said, the sound barely above a whisper.
“I don’t,” Anakin replied seriously.
“And please try not to get captured next time,” Obi-Wan continued, a note of humor in his voice. “Because I very much want you to come home when we are forced to be apart.”
“I’ll do my best,” Anakin mumbled with a small laugh. He swallowed the remaining guilt he felt over the incident and propped himself on an elbow, peering down at Obi-Wan.
“I love you,” Anakin whispered.
“I love you too, dear one,” Obi-Wan replied tenderly. His hands were gentle as he cupped Anakin’s cheek.
“Stay with me,” Anakin said, leaning into Obi-Wan’s hand.
“Always,” Obi-Wan promised.