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If one were to ask Xue Meng, he’d say he’s a very lucky person.
It’s not because he likes to boast, not really, but he thinks he’s blessed by the heavens; he has everything he wants, and even more. There has never been a moment when things went terribly. Life has been kind to him.
Except from now.
A pipeline in his apartment breaks in the middle of the night. Water pours out in rivers, giving him no time to react as it slowly starts flooding his home. Rushing with wet socks and soaked clothes to the building management, they manage to close the main faucet to stop the flowing water. But he still took too much time to react, so Xue Meng has no other option that to stare grumpily at the mess his apartment has become.
The resolution of the night, as another three neighbors stand at the entrance of the building, is that the pipelines were too old. “It was only a matter of time,” his landlord says. “You’ll have to search for a temporary place while we solve the issue.”
Living alone in a city, an hour away from his parents’ home is already hard enough. But now, as he walks at one a.m in the cold winter air, Xue Meng can’t seem to find it within himself to properly mourn the difficulty of being alive. He’s burning with rage, angry at how they just let all of this happen, unable to supply them for another place to live in the meantime, but he’s on the verge of crying, too, because his hair is still damp and the cold is numbing his face. He’s alone in the dark of the night, while being cold and homeless. Life is nothing but an unfair piece of shit.
Xue Meng walks for half an hour and finally arrives at an apartment complex. He holds his phone to his ear as he waits for his call to be picked up. It rings obnoxiously loud, as if mocking him for having his call go unanswered for so long.
“C’mon, you fucking dog," he mutters between his chattering teeth. "Pick up the shitty phone!”
Xue Meng hugs the bag where he placed a couple of clothes for the week, looking up to the upper floors to see if Mo Ran miraculously sticks his head out of the window and sees him waiting downstairs.
The worlds seems to take compassion on him after a long night of disasters, and a miracle does happen: someone walks out of the building, stumbling their way out to the streets. Xue Meng moves just in time to grab the door before it closes shut.
Xue Meng hurries to the elevator, teeth clattering and body shivering. He tried to put on his warmest clothes, but the cold air still clings to his skin, freezing him to the bone. The elevator’s doors open on the tenth floor and Xue Meng walks out, stepping loudly as he goes to stand right in front of Mo Ran’s apartment door.
“You shitty dog, open the door!” Xue Meng yells, banging the door with a closed fist and one of his foot, caring about no one but his poor and cold self. “I’m fucking freezing!”
Xue Meng stops for a moment, keeping quiet to hear if there are any noises coming from inside. Much to his disappointment, there’s nothing. He’s hit with the sudden realization that Mo Ran could be out, only gods know where, and he’d be left to stand in this cold hall for the rest of the night. Xue Meng sniffs loudly, worrying his lip between his teeth. With a deep inhale, he resumes his loud banging on the door.
“Come on, are you really gonna leave me out here?! I’m going to freeze to death and gonna be your fucking fault!” Xue Meng’s voice is tinged with desperation, praying to all the gods above that Mo Ran is just asleep and not somewhere else.
Xue Meng is about to start throwing full-strength kicks at the door when it swings open, revealing a very annoyed Mo Ran with his hair rumpled and his breath ragged, wearing only a pair of sweatpants.
“Shut the fuck up, you’ll wake the neighbors!” Mo Ran whispers-shouts, grabbing Xue Meng by the collar of his jacket and dragging him inside.
“It’s all you fault, you dog! You weren’t picking up your phone!” Xue Meng hisses back, lowering his voice at Mo Ran’s glare. This bickering is usual between them, but this time, Mo Ran looks really pissed off. Xue Meng huffs. “What the hell were you doing, anyways?”
Mo Ran closes his eyes, rubbing his face with both hands and groaning. “It’s two in the fucking morning, Xue Meng, what do you think I was doing?”
Xue Meng lowers his head, feeling the tiredness and the anger and the sadness come back.
He’s never been good at being alone, no matter how much he tries to say otherwise. Mo Ran refusing to live with him was a low blow on his pride, but seeing him look so annoyed, clearly not even caring to ask about why Xue Meng is here, makes him a lot more sadder than he’d like.
Feeling the warmth of Mo Ran's apartment, he acknowledges that he’s not lonely, but sometimes, only sometimes, Xue Meng wishes he weren’t alone in the vastness of his own big and empty apartment.
Xue Meng squares his shoulders, taking a defensive stance. Pride has always been one of his most important traits, after all. He can't stomp on it now just because of a small misfortune in his life. “Do you think I want to be here? It’s only because I had no other option but to come!”
Mo Ran finally seems to realize that Xue Meng is hugging a bag close to his chest, hair damp and stiff against his forehead. His eyebrows draw into a worried frown. “What happened?”
“Oh, so now you care?” Xue Meng snorts, plopping down on the couch. He hides his face on the ugly bag and lets Mo Ran know a summarized version of what happened. “A fucking pipeline broke in my apartment. The whole thing is flooded with water. I couldn’t stay there and I have class at seven.” With a more quiet voice, he says, “I had nowhere else to go.”
Mo Ran eyebrows twitch and he sighs in defeat. He pats Xue Meng shoulder twice. “Go to the spare room and sleep already. You’ve got to wake up in a couple of hours.”
Xue Meng looks up at him, nodding a couple of times. He doesn’t voice his thankfulness, still too petty about Mo Ran’s initial indifference towards his situation. Mo Ran doesn't seem to need any words of gratitude and turns around without another word, walking back to his own room.
In the dim light of the night streaming through the curtains, Xue Meng watches Mo Ran’s back, full of red marks all over, with some of them extending all the way from his neck, down his shoulders and to his back. They look raw, almost new, but Xue Meng can’t really pinpoint what they exactly are, or how Mo Ran got them.
“Ge,” Xue Meng calls out, eyebrows furrowed in concern. “What happened to your back?”
Mo Ran turns around, tilting his head in confusion. “What’s wrong with my back?”
“Did you get hurt? You’ve got scratches all over it.”
Xue Meng sees the realization dawn on Mo Ran’s face and the understanding settling into his eyes. Mo Ran presses his lips, and because Xue Meng is paying close attention, he notices the small quirk of his lips. “You could say that. Sleep tight, Mengmeng, you're not the only one that has to wake up early.”
Mo Ran disappears without further words, closing his room’s door quietly. Xue Meng is left to stare dumbly at the dark place, standing motionlessly in the living room. With a long-suffering sigh, he scrambles to the guest room and changes into his pajamas, falling into a deep slumber as soon as his head hits the pillow.
—
Morning comes a lot sooner than Xue Meng would like.
He wakes up half an hour before his alarm goes off, and with a tiredness that almost makes him go back to burrow deep into the warm bed, he rubs his eyes and forces himself to get up, walking towards the door to go to the bathroom and get ready for the day.
Xue Meng walks out of the room, yawning wide enough it makes a tear fall down his cheek. As he wipes off the tear and opens his eyes again, he freezes in place, heart caught on his throat. Another shadow moves silently in the dark, as if it knew the entire layout of Mo Ran’s apartment. And because Xue Meng does know Mo Ran’s apartment like the back of his hand, he rushes to scramble and flip the lights on.
In the middle of Mo Ran’s living room, staring at him like a deer caught in the light, stands fucking Chu Wanning, hair messily tied into a low ponytail, wearing a way-too-big shirt and a pair of shorts, eyes wide even when he looks like he just woke up.
Chu Wanning, his professor at university, stands in the middle of Mo Ran’s apartment in the early hours of the morning, when the sun has yet to rise. They stare at each other with wide eyes, none of them daring to move.
“Chu-laoshi?!” Xue Meng all but screeches, pointing an accusatory finger at Chu Wanning, who remains frozen in place, probably not even breathing.
Heavy footsteps echo in the quiet aftermath of Xue Meng’s yell.
“Shit.” Xue Meng heats the muffled string of curses Mo Ran lets out from the inside of his room, hurried footsteps still loud as he hurries to the door. “Xue Meng, shut the fuck up!” He yells back, just as loud as Xue Meng was.
Finally, Mo Ran comes out of his room with squinted eyes and messy hair, bursting out through the door as he looks between Xue Meng and Chu Wanning.
Xue Meng turns to him, unable to recall any of the respect and fear he usually has for Chu Wanning. “Why is Chu-laoshi here?!”
Mo Ran gives Chu Wanning one last glance before turning to Xue Meng. He approaches with careful steps, extending out his arms, as if trying to placate him like a spooked animal. True to it, Xue Meng might be feeling a little like one.
“Calm down, Mengmeng, please stop screaming,” Mo Ran hisses, one of his eyebrows twitching when he watches Xue Meng open his mouth to retort.
“Why is Chu-laoshi here?” says Xue Meng again, more quietly. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Chu Wanning still standing in the middle of the room, not looking at him. The surprised look on his face is long gone. He now looks like he always does: stern and cold and unapproachable.
“It’s just—” Mo Ran clears his throat, looking at Chu Wanning once more and shaking his head like a confused dog.
“My apartment caught on fire,” says Chu Wanning, startling Xue Meng badly, turning his head to look at his professor, neck snapping loudly in the quiet that settles between them. Chu Wanning looks back at him with an impassive glance.
“That’s right!” Mo Ran says, with far much more enthusiasm that he should when Chu Wanning just admitted his home caught on fucking fire. “Laoshi was going to stay in a hotel, but how could I let him? You know how I am, Mengmeng. I offered to let him stay here until he found a new place.”
Xue Meng stays quiet for a long moment, processing every information that has been dumped into him. HIs stomach sinks under the reality of Chu Wanning’s situation. Just leaving his place for the night has already made him feel uneasy, he can’t imagine how Chu-laoshi must feel after his place caught on fire. Was he even able to rescue his belongings?
“I’m sorry, Chu-laoshi,” Xue Meng says, lowering his head in shame. “It must’ve been hard for you."
“It’s fine,” answers Chu Wanning with the same steady tone he always uses, but sounding a little off. Maybe Xue Meng overreacting has thrown him off guard?
“Well! Mengmeng, don’t you have class at seven? It’s getting late.”
Mo Ran approaches him, pushing him gently but insistently by the shoulders. Xue Meng looks at his phone and notices a considerable amount of time has already gone by. Cursing under his breath, he scrambles towards the bathroom, leaving Mo Ran and Chu Wanning to stand in the living room.
Just as he’s walking towards the campus, Xue Meng comes to a realization: if Chu Wanning has been staying at Mo Ran’s apartment for a while, why was the spare room empty? Where was Chu Wanning sleeping?
Was he, perhaps, sleeping in Mo Ran’s room?
Xue Meng stops dead in his tracks and shakes his head, horrified. He doesn’t wish even to his worst enemy to sleep in the same room as Mo Ran.
—
“Ah,” Mo Ran says, sounding like Xue Meng is asking a stupid question. “There was a leak in the upper floor and the walls were getting moldy. I couldn’t let Chu-laoshi sleep there, right? And I couldn’t let him go and stay in a hotel for god knows how long, or send him to sleep on the couch. That’s why I offered my bed,”
“And he accepted?”
“Of course not.” Mo Ran shakes his head, amused. “After insisting for a long time, he ended up accepting.”
Xue Meng scrunches his nose. “Then why aren’t you sleeping on the couch? Where the fuck are you sleeping?”
“I—” Mo Ran starts, but seems to think better of it. One of his hands moves to rub the back of his neck, breaking eye contact with Xue Meng. “Where do you think I’d be sleeping, Mengmeng? In bed, with Chu-laoshi?”
Xue Meng makes a face, horrified by the prospect of Mo Ran and Chu Wanning sleeping on the same bed for whatever the hell reasons. It gives him the chills. “The floor must be comfortable for a dog like you.”
Mo Ran grins, wide and obnoxious. “Of course it is.”
“So, uh, I can change places with him if he wants? I’m sure Chu-laoshi would prefer to be alone.”
Mo Ran shakes his head, still grinning. “It’s fine, it’s fine. He said he doesn’t mind. He’d rather for you to be comfortable.”
Xue Meng gives Mo Ran the side-eye. Would Chu Wanning really don’t mind staying in the same room as Mo Ran? Mo “makes the walls rumble with his snores” Ran? Isn’t it already weird enough for him to have come to this place instead of going to someone more… suitable? Maybe a friend, or perhaps family.
“Okay.” Xue Meng says instead of asking, because, unlike his dog of a cousin, he isn’t a busybody. Not always, that is. “If he changes his mind just let me know.”
“Will do!” Mo Ran says, and the conversation ends.
—
The conversation ends, but that doesn’t stop Xue Meng from staying up late at night, eyes wide open in the darkness of his room, waiting to hear something come from the room next door.
Much to his disappointment, there’s nothing but a blissful and eternal silence. Xue Meng always frowns, pout forming on his lips, wondering why they don’t talk even when they’ve been sharing a room for a couple of weeks. As much as Xue Meng knows, Chu Wanning isn’t much of a talker, much less with someone like Mo Ran, who talks even when he shouldn’t.
It makes him wonder how Mo Ran managed to make Chu Wanning warm-up to him this much. Xue Meng had tried, once, to get a little closer to Chu Wanning; it even came to the point where he dared to call himself Chu Wanning’s favorite student, and that seemed like the biggest achievement. Now that he thinks of Chu Wanning and Mo Ran sleeping in the same room, he realizes how little that closeness meant.
Bitter, Xue Meng wonders why his professor chose to become this close with Mo Ran? Xue Meng is diligent in class, always staying until the end to ask questions. He has even heard some of his classmates call him the teacher’s pet, and while Xue Meng is no one’s fucking pet, he really respects Chu Wanning, even if he’s a teeny tiny llittle bit scared of him. Chu Wanning seems knowledgeable about everything there is to know about, and Xue Meng is always eager to learn more.
And how the hell did Mo Ran prefer to become close with Chu Wanning when Xue Meng is right there? Mo Ran practically shoos him away every time he spends a single night at his apartment, telling Xue Meng he’s not a babysitter and that he’s too busy to have him interrupt the quiet of his place. Fuck Mo Ran, Xue Meng honestly thinks. If his cousin hates his presence, he should just say it out loud! It would sting less than coming to the realization in the middle of the night.
Feeling incredibly petty, Xue Meng goes to sleep right after kicking his sheets with exasperation, then getting up to pick them up from the floor and pulling them over his head.
Whatever. Xue Meng couldn’t care less about that dog growing close with his favorite professor or anything like that.
—
Xue Meng cares a lot more than he’s proud of admitting.
At first, cohabitating with Mo Ran and Chu Wanning proves to be as normal as it can be. In the mornings, Chu Wanning wakes up much earlier than Xue Meng, and by the time he has regained enough awareness to change out of his pajamas, Chu Wanning is already in the kitchen, all prim and proper, drinking a mug of coffee with his sharp eyebrows drawn together.
There are days when Mo Ran also wakes up early and prepares breakfast for Chu Wanning and Xue Meng, grumbling about ‘being pulled into cooking for Xue Meng’, and truly, Xue Meng doesn’t understand him at all. If he doesn’t want to cook for him, he’s not forcing his dumb cousin to do it! Though he doesn't understand why Mo Ran feels the need to actually cook for Chu Wanning, but it's not like he's going to ask.
Other days, Mo Ran doesn’t wake up at all. The door to his room remains closed through the entire morning, leaving Xue Meng to wonder what’s going on inside. It’s on those days that Xue Meng is left to skitter around Chu Wanning, talking about his achievements in his subjects of the semester, as well as complaining a little about the group projects he’s working on at the moment. Chu Wanning never tells him to shut up, much to his surprise, and when Xue Meng starts wondering if his professor is truly paying attention to all the things he says, Chu Wanning hums, looking up at Xue Meng from where he was scrolling and frowning at his phone.
“I can help you review those topics,” says Chu Wanning coolly, taking a sip of his coffee.
“Really?!” Xue Meng blurts out, a little too enthusiastic and a little too loud. Chu Wanning pins him with a glare that has him faltering for a moment. “I would be forever thankful, Chu-laoshi!”
Chu Wanning nods and the conversation ends. He always goes out first, leaving Xue Meng to stay behind for another twenty minutes, making sure his clothes and hair are as perfect as they have to be.
So yes, at first everything is going fine. More than fine, if he’s being honest. Dandy. Perfectly, just like Xue Meng expected.
He’s pretty much undeterred when his landlord calls to tell him it’s going to take them a couple of weeks to fix the plumbing, because it had an underlying problem that came to light after everything happened. Xue Meng grumbles, but it doesn’t last long, because living with Chu Wanning and Mo Ran, as much as he denies it, has him forgetting all about the loneliness he felt before.
But things start to change two weeks after Xue Meng starts living in Mo Ran’s apartment.
Xue Meng walks out of his room to grab something to eat. It’s earlier than his usual dinner time, but he supposes he can make use of the kitchen, so as long as Mo Ran is holed up in his room and doesn’t notice him sneaking into his “holy place”, he’s all good.
He walks with his head lowered, answering a couple of texts for his group project, when the sound of something hollow hitting the marble counter makes him look up.
Mo Ran’s head lays face down on the counter, frozen on the spot. He just stays there, unmoving, hunched awkwardly in a way that must be fucking up his back. Chu Wanning, on the other side, stands by the sink, soaping a glass that’s already swimming in foam.
Xue Meng stops next to Mo Ran, guessing that hollow sound came from Mo Ran’s forehead hitting the counter. He pushes Mo Ran’s shoulder with a finger and earns no reaction. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Wallowing in misery,” answers Mo Ran, miserably.
Xue Meng snorts. “Who told you to be an idiot and smack your forehead on the counter?”
At that, Mo Ran straightens up, whining pathetically. “It’s not my fault!”
“Who are you going to blame, huh? Chu-laoshi?”
In the middle of Mo Ran’s forehead is a small, red bump. When Mo Ran only pouts and says nothing else, Xue Meng cackles, reaching out a finger to poke the center of the bump, moving faster than Mo Ran can register. As his fingertip falls into the mushy skin, Mo Ran hisses, then bats his hand and his gaze turns murderous. “You fucking little shit.”
Xue Meng sticks his tongue out and runs from Mo Ran to stands next to Chu Wanning, knowing that no matter how close these two are, Mo Ran wouldn’t dare to approach the professor without being cautious.
He’s proven wrong when he’s cornered by Mo Ran’s stupidly broad frame and starts poking his sides until Xue Meng’s ribs hurt from the sharp poking and all the laughing.
It’s until way later, when Mo Ran finishes pulling up some dinner for all of them, that Xue Meng realizes Chu Wanning hasn’t said a word about Mo Ran’s red bump, or about anything at all since Xue Meng stepped out of his room.
And that’s just the start of everything.
That’s not the last time something similar happens. Xue Meng steps out of his room, only to find Mo Ran and Chu Wanning standing at each side of the room. Almost always, Mo Ran is kneeling on the floor, or sprawled over the couch, or laying in a fetal position in some part of the apartment, while Chu Wanning is looking at someplace, busy doing something Xue Meng can’t comprehend at all.
Once, while Mo Ran’s shoulders are shaking as he kneels with his ass up in the air, Chu Wanning stands facing the wall, his back straight and arms rigid at his sides, looking as if he were a doll and not a living person. When Xue Meng inquires about what happened, Chu Wanning answers him with a huffed ‘nothing happened’, then proceeds to walk away to Mo Ran’s room and shut the door closed.
Hm. For some reason, the silence that falls over Xue Meng and Mo Ran feels heavy and frustrating. It makes Xue Meng feel like he’s being excluded. And He hates feeling excluded.
His first resolution is to never go back into his room again. If Mo Ran and Chu Wanning are sitting on the shabby couch, Xue Meng goes and sits between them. If they are in the kitchen, silently going over whatever they’re doing, Xue Meng goes and sits by the counter, chin propped on his hand, watching them; only like this, he won’t be excluded from anything.
It works well, because this way, they can’t hide anything from him. Xue Meng talks with Chu Wanning, asks for his guidance career-wise and inquires matters that can be helped with his incredible wisdom while Mo Ran digs his elbow into the side of Xue Meng’s ribs. He pushes the annoying dog away brusquely, but only ends up being shoved back. It ends with both of them pushing forth and back until Chu Wanning sighs loudly and makes them stop.
It’s only then that Xue Meng becomes aware of the way Mo Ran has started to glare at him. Those are the eyes of someone who is annoyed, bordering on the line of mad. Xue Meng can’t even start to understand why Mo Ran is looking at him like that. When he tries to inquire about it, Mo Ran mocks him, voice going higher as he repeats what Xue Meng said, then proceeds to slam his forehead on the counter once again, whining about how stupid Xue Meng is. Offended by the sudden insult, Xue Meng thinks Mo Ran is the stupid one for hitting his head just because something is not going his way.
It all finally comes out one night. Mo Ran holds him back with a hand on his shoulder.
“When are you going back to your apartment?” asks Mo Ran, showing too much interest and expectation for Xue Meng’s response.
“I don’t know.” Xue Meng eyes his warily, recalling the message sent by his landlord telling him they would probably be done in two weeks. “What if I just stay here?”
He means it lightheartedly, a joke with a little silly hopeful wish hidden behind.
But then Mo Ran turns to look him dead in the eye, a horrified expression crossing his face. “Oh no, Xue Meng. No no no, you will be going back to your apartment.”
The resolution in Mo Ran’s words stings more than expected. Why would he be so opposed to Xue Meng’s presence? “What if I don’t?”
“I’ll take you there myself!” Mo Ran answers, rubbing his forehead with his whole hand, right where the bump used to be.
“Why are you so opposed to living with me?!” Xue Meng asks, anger giving path to vulnerability. His lower lip trembles, knowing that whatever truth he tried to hide behind joking words, is now being openly shown on his face. Mo Ran scrunches his nose, looking as if he ate a really sour lemon. That’s the expression he puts when he’s torn between decisions.
“C’mon, Mengmeng, you know I didn’t mean it like that,” he placates, voice softer than before. “I just want some me time, y’know? If I don’t get it anytime soon, here in my own home, I’ll surely lose my mind.”
Xue Meng scoffs, batting away the sudden kindness Mo Ran is showing him. “Some you time? It’s not like I’m forbidding you of anything! You can do whatever the fuck you want, I don’t care.”
Mo Ran shakes his head multiple times, sighing hopelessly. There’s an exasperation in that sigh that says Xue Meng would never be able to understand what he means. “Ah, Mengmeng, innocence is truly a part of you, huh? Whatever. It doesn’t matter. You don’t even need to know about this.”
Xue Meng grumbles for a good amount of ten minutes, hurt and betrayed, but after that, it’s easy to change the topic and forget about it. Xue Meng continues sleeping in Mo Ran’s spare room and cohabitates with Chu Wanning and him.
It’s easy. It’s peaceful. It’s what Xue Meng would call the best arrangement.
Even when his landlord calls him and says the repairs will be over in a week, Xue Meng waves it off, wanting to keep quiet about it so he can continue to enjoy the liveliness of Mo Ran’s apartment. There are times when Mo Ran and Chu Wanning bicker, throwing dry remarks at each other for whatever it may be; sometimes because Chu Wanning forgot to eat, and other times because Mo Ran moved a couple of papers from where they sat at the coffee table. It never fails to amaze Xue Meng, the way they speak with such comfort, as if they know each other better than anyone else knows them. It offends him, too, because Chu-laoshi is someone to be respected and Mo Ran speaks rudely to him, just like he does to Xue Meng.
It makes him a little jealous, too, but he’s never going to dwell into that. Even then, it doesn’t make him want to go back to his lonely apartment. He will take full advantage of it until Mo Ran learns the truth, or until something makes him move out.
—
There’s something strange occurring at night.
Xue Meng has just finished doing a couple of assignments. It’s late, well past midnight, with the moon hanging high in the bright skies. He has been shut in his room for hours now and he has been stressing over things with his headphones blasting loud, raging music.
When he takes out his headphones, Xue Meng expects the calm silence of the night. Everyone should be sleeping, enjoying the rest they do get to have, unlike him. He doesn’t expect to hear something, much less clear enough for him to notice it immediately.
A rhythmical thump-thump can be heard from where he sits on his bed, muted by the thick walls of the apartment, but clear and loud enough to interrupt the quiet of the night. Xue Meng gets up from bed, carefully making his way to lean onto the wall that connects his and Mo Ran’s room.
Clap, clap, clap.
That’s the sound of… clapping? And it is indeed coming from Mo Ran’s room. It lasts for a while, increasing in rhythm and sound, followed by a quiet and muffled whispering that doesn’t manage to reach his ears clearly. He can’t even identify whose voice it is.
Xue Meng leans back, frowning at the white wall that separates him from knowing what’s happening in Mo Ran’s room, wishing it would give him the answers he wants. It’s almost three in the morning and neither Mo Ran nor Chu Wanning are sleeping; instead, they are clapping their hands at heavens know what. Xue Meng keeps quiet, hearing more of the clapping, only growing more and more curious about it.
The question of what they are doing keeps bugging him even as he lays down to sleep, slowly lulled into a deep sleep by the quiet sounds next door. Are they watching something? Are they talking? Why do they always leave him out of the fun? They surely don’t want him intruding into whatever they’re doing, waiting until they think he’s asleep to do everything. There’s a pang on his chest at that thought and he becomes resolute to inquire about it as soon as he wakes up.
—
Xue Meng forgets to ask about it the next day, and the next one, and even the next one after that. He’s now sitting at one of the campus little and uncomfortable tables, typing the beginnings of a new assignment. He’s truly not paying attention to the mess of words he’s writing, bus trying to drown down the shameless words Mei Hanxue spills.
It is only then that he remembers the clapping. “Ah, shit”
Both twins turn to look at him, the younger one stopping his mindless chatter to raise an eyebrow at him. “What’s wrong Mengmeng? Did you mess up?”
“Shut up, why is it always me messing things up? You fucked up the last assignment.” Xue Meng glares at him. After the satisfaction of seeing Mei Hanxue’s little grimace, he continues, “I just forgot to ask Mo Ran something.”
“Are you still living with him?” he asks, eyes growing wide. At Xue Meng’s nod, an obnoxious grin spreads through his lips. “How is it going? You said he’s also housing Chu-laoshi, right? Isn’t it hell to be there?”
“No,” says Xue Meng immediately, frowning at Mei Hanxue’s words. He crosses his arms on his chest, back straight as he gives him a piece of his mind. “It’s the best time I’ve ever had. You don’t know Chu-laoshi like I do, he’s incredibly great.”
“Is he really, though? Why do you love him so much?” Mei Hanxue sounds actually curious, and even Mei HanXue perks up, waiting for his answer. Xue Meng doesn’t know why he’s sitting with them.
“Because he’s great,” he makes emphasis on the word, hoping it’s enough for them to stop asking.
“Okay, fine. No more talking about your dear laoshi, then. ” Mei Hanxue placates, shaking his head with amusement.
None of them expects for Mei HanXue to raise his voice a tad, enough to be heard by both of them. “What did you forget to ask?”
“Ah! You’re right!” Xue Meng remembers why this conversation even began. “I wanted to ask him if he hates me that much, that fucking dog, leaving me behind and excluding me as if we were children!”
Mei Hanxue’s head tilts to the side in confusion. “Exclude you?”
At his side, Mei HanXue’s frown deepens. “Hate you?”
“Yeah!” Xue Meng rushes to nod his head multiple times, glad to finally have the time to complain about this matter at hand. He has been bottling it up for a while now. “They do things when I’m in my room, and when I step out, they pretend they are doing nothing! Recently they’ve been doing things at night and keeping quiet about it.”
Mei Hanxue reaches out to pat his head, earning a full-strength slap across his palm. “Poor little Mengmeng, did they disturb your precious sleep? What were they doing, leaving you out of it?”
“You’re so fucking annoying,” Xue Meng shakes his head, turning to the older twin, who seems interested in hearing him out and not making fun of him. “They weren’t loud at all. I only noticed something was happening because I heard them clapping.”
Xue Meng lets his cheek fall into the keyboard of his laptop, uncaring of the single letter appearing in his document. The silence that follows is heavy, the loud chatter around them gets louder with every second of quietness hanging between them. Xue Meng turns to give the twins a confused look, but before he can inquire about anything, he’s startled when Mei Hanxue bursts into a loud, annoying fit of laughter. “What’s so funny?!”
It takes a whole minute, a pointed and furious glare from Xue Meng, and for Mei HanXue to steady him by the shoulders, for Mei Hanxue to stop laughing. “Sorry, sorry Mengmeng. I—you say they were clapping at the ungodly hours of the morning?”
“Yeah? That’s what I said.” Xue Meng doesn’t understand why are his words so funny.
Mei Hanxue laughs even more, turning to look at his older brother, whose lips quirk upwards, just a tiny bit. Xue Meng is even more annoyed. “I don’t think they were clapping their hands at all.”
Xue Meng frowns, looking between both brothers. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Mei Hanxue elongates the word, grinning at him in a way that unsettles him. “They’re banging.”
“Banging?”
“Fornicating,” supplies Mei HanXue, voice low and serene.
Xue Meng keeps getting more and more confused. “What do you mean?”
“Fucking, Xue Meng, they are fucking,” Mei Hanxue says between chuckles, leaning on his brother for support. “That isn’t the clapping of their hands, it’s the clapping of their—”
“Shut the fuck up!” Xue Meng screeches, slamming his hands on the table, making the people around them look at him with annoyed stares. He can feel his face heating with embarrassment and rage, but none of it matters when Mei Hanxue is being an indecent idiot. “You’re shitting me, Mei Hanxue. This isn’t funny!”
“I’m not shitting you,” Mei Hanxue answers. “It’s the truth. I think—no, I know Mo Ran and Chu-laoshi are banging. Right, ge?”
Mei HanXue hums noncommittally, and that’s enough of an affirmation from him.
Xue Meng looks at both of them with wide eyes, mouth agape as his mind processes the information dumped onto him. Chu Wanning and Mo Ran are what?!
No! He refuses to believe the words of these two assholes who enjoy laughing at his expense. There’s no way Chu Wanning would ever allow for something so indecent to happen, and even more, while Xue Meng is just next door. There’s absolutely no fucking way Chu Wanning would ever choose to do that with Mo Ran, out of all people.
This is just a joke. Mei Hanxue is playing with him, and his brother has suddenly decided to join him this time. Mo Ran must be doing some kind of shit just to fuck him up and then laugh when Xue Meng falls for his prank.
That must be it. There’s no way something else could happen.
Right?
—
Xue Meng lays down in his bed, looking at the ceiling in the dark of the night. It’s around one in the morning and he just decided it would be a great moment to question all of his life choices, unable to stop thinking about the conversation he had with the Mei brothers earlier in the day.
It’s impossible that Mo Ran and Chu Wanning are doing those kinds of things. He’s almost convinced that even if they were to somehow do that—that kind of things, they wouldn’t be doing them when he’s just next door! That’s why after an hour of mulling over Mei Hanxue’s words, he decides he will have a talk with him tomorrow for daring to have those assumptions over his cousin and his professor! How are he even imply that the both of them are—
Clap, clap, clap.
Almost as if summoned by Xue Meng, the sounds of clapping reach his ears. He freezes, slowly feeling his cheeks heat up as he recalls Mei Hanxue’s amused words.
“They are fucking. That isn’t the clapping of their hands, it’s the clapping of their—”
No! That’s absolutely not true! They are probably watching movies. They are clapping their hands! Xue Meng will stand up from his bed and open the door to Mo Ran’s room just so he can prove Mei Hanxue otherwise.
He’s just sitting on the bed when he hears it. It shatters everything he’s ever thought and believed during his entire life. It breaks him down, along with every illusion and dream, with every part of Xue Meng that was happy to live in this apartment.
“Hng—ah, Mo Ran!” That’s unmistakably Chu Wanning’s voice, strained and quiet, never intended for Xue Meng to hear.
The clapping continues, harder than before.
“Quiet, baobei,” Mo Ran whispers back, way too loudly, unaware that they are talking too loud in the silence of the night. “Do you want Xue Meng to hear? Do you want him to know how much you enjoy having my—”
Xue Meng feels his face go through a thousand stages of grief, embarrassment and disgust, first paling and then flushing. He rushes to throw himself into bed, covering his ears with a pillow, hopeful to drown away the noises.
This isn’t happening, he thinks, closing his eyes shut, humming under his breath to chase away the sounds corrupting what was left of his innocence. He can feel tears forming in his eyes, angry tears that he refuses to let fall. It’s not until five that he falls into a troubled sleep, after much thinking and cursing Mo Ran’s entire existence, denial flooding his entire being.
When he wakes up after two hours of sleep, he’s unable to look at any of them in the eye, running away from every attempt at talking or touching him from Mo Ran, resentful for having been subjected to hear everything he never wanted to know about.
Now he understands Mo Ran’s insistence for him to move back to his apartment. Me time, Mo Ran said. Xue Meng completely hates him.
That same day, Xue Meng runs back to his apartment, taking all of his belongings and saying half-heartedly goodbyes to Mo Ran and Chu Wanning. When he sees the both of them together, Xue Meng has to force himself to forget all about the time spent in Mo Ran’s apartment, for both, his sanity and his poor battered heart at being betrayed by his favorite cousin and best professor.
They never told him they were dating and that, itself, is the biggest betrayal of it all.