Chapter Text
It's all because of the fucking horses.
That, and also the other variable that I, Irish May, might be the biggest idiot in the multiverse. That’s still up for debate.
Either way, I screwed. Forward, backward, sidewards, and all the other –wards there is.
I first saw the cause of my misery one rainy afternoon.
My mother just came back from the grocery store and I was laying in my room, doing absolutely nothing. Maybe this is my karma for not helping her that day in our store.
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"Nak, this one will be 15 pesos from now on. Ok? Prices are already going up." I heard my mother's voice from our store and from the rustling of stuff; she must be back from the grocery store. That was fast; I didn't really notice she went out.
"Got it, Ma. Heard it from Elsbeth too, the gas prices are hard to look at." I peaked at her from my room, wondering if she wants my help or not.
Mom is complicated, to say the less. You'd think being her only child and living with her all my life will help me understand her more than anyone else, false. Sometimes she'll complained that I'm not helping her with the chores and then other times she'll shoo me away when I volunteer to do the chores. Like, Mom? What do you want from me? I still love her a lot though. "Want some help?"
"No, got it covered. Thanks."
"Ok, call me when you need something. I'm just... uhm, here." As if there's somewhere else I can be right now.
I lie down in bed and continue scrolling through my tab. Prices just started to climbed up and I just knew that they will continue climbing up these following days due to the war going on between Russia and Ukraine. Holy shit, I thought the pandemic will be only thing I'll be worrying this year. And it's still only March for crying out loud, the knowledge that there's still 9 months ahead of 2022 for shit to even get shittier makes me dread for the future more. My unemployment is just the icing on top.
Ugh, graduate from a college and a job will come knocking at your door they said. You will not worry about getting a job if you accept this scholarship they said. Goodness, look at me now. Graduated from college and unsure of the future.
I have just finished the preliminary online examination with the job that I've applied the weeks prior but with this new development I've been itching to search for another job hiring. I've been applying for any job position that is hiring this past week like a maniac after I've read from Facebook about the war because I knew this will happen but so far, nothing.
Maybe Aunt Emma is right and the world is literally ending right now. If this is really what's happening, then what are the odds that I'm living this timeline. How truly lucky.
I've been having an on-going discussion with my Aunt Emma and cousin Elsbeth about what's currently happening with the world, while I love my Aunt to pieces, I have to keep on reminding her that the people during Black Death and World War 1 and 2 might also thought that the world's going to end that time but it didn't. Elsbeth, bless her, always side with me but the discussion never really ends.
Thinking all this heavy stuff hurts my brain dammit. Maybe I should take nap; I've read somewhere that stress is good for the body but too much might result in my untimely demise or something like that. Can't fucking afford to die right now; the cost for funeral is soooo out of budget.
Ahh, it's raining again. It's been raining a lot these days even though it's supposed to be summer from where I'm living. Is this climate change or just a low pressure? Who knows, not me. The soft sound of pitter patter that the rain is making with our roof made me more determined to take a nap. Wiggling in the bed, burrowing myself deeper in the blanket, I thank however is listening that our laundry's already dry before raining. Rushing to get the laundries while I'm already this comfortable is irritating.
Hmmm maybe in a near future someone will invent something that will use stress to do some awesome things like converting it into electricity or something equally useful.
Closing my eyes, I cover myself with multiple blankets for maximum comfort and blocking the light. Knowing that it's raining and cold outside makes the warmth of my burrito more comfortable and appreciated.
I tried to imagine being the person inventing The Thing. The media will go nuts because #WOW then a mega corporation will buy it from me and because I don't want to be known in the world (fame is a nightmare I don't want to dwell in) and I seriously need the money―a sudden noise disrupts my daydreaming, a static? Was it a lightning strike?
I didn’t get up to check, too comfortable to investigate. (I should have stay that way).
Maybe it's the TV. Aunt Emma's TV broke last year, it shows visual but the audio's fucked up. It doesn't stop Mom and Uncle Felix to watched teleserye though. Maybe Kuya Michael fixed it? Oh well, so continue― I'll sell it to them fully believing from the bottom of my charred heart that they will use and distribute it with fairness and then the Insulin-thing will happen again and before I knew it, it will cost millions and only the rich can afford it and I can't afford it either cause Poor won't let its grip off me and―there’s the noise again.
This time the noise is quite persistent, it’s getting louder by the minute I chose to ignore it.
Soon enough, it started to pique my interest and annoyance. The need to know the source of the noise eventually won over my want to continue imagining my wonderful future. What in a Jumanji-shit is this noise? Does nobody but me hear this? I hear no complain coming from everyone else in the house, curious.
With much effort, I trudged towards the door, leaving the comfort of my room. Goosebumps broke out when the cold damp air met my exposed skin. Too lazy to turn back and get a jacket.
The rain have slowed down into a drizzle as I stood outside our door, looking around the perimeter for the cause of the insistent noise but saw nothing. (This should have been my first red flag. I should have stop there, get back inside, and TOOK that nap. I didn’t.)
Thinking that it’s coming from the back, I borrowed an umbrella from my cousin next door, the need to know fueling my determination in braving the cold towards our backyard. As I’m about to turn around the corner, I saw a black-something on the street in the edge of my peripheral vision. Are those horses?
Changing my route midway, I marched towards the street.
The place is empty. No motorcycle, no nothing. There’s no other vehicle in sight, no other person, nor animals, wandering about. Just my cold stupid butt. But considering that it just rained a moment ago, an empty street is not too odd. It must be a tricked of the light, a mirage. I’m dehydrated and seeing things, should’ve drink more water.
A heavy rain started out of nowhere as if a celestial being just pour a bucketful of water in the drain in anger. I can’t see shit within two meter radius. Are we having a storm?
“This is getting creepy,” the sound of my voice getting lost over the booming noise of the heavy downpour. What is happening?
Deciding that I am not yet ready to die in a Silent Hill type of death, I started to backtracked to our house.
Amidst all the noise from the rain, I heart a clacking of wheels and a sound of hooves hitting the pavement as I turned my back on the street. I think my baby hairs are standing on their tippy toes at the back of my neck at this point. The fear that clawed its way to the surface forced all my attention to the sound coming from behind me.
I didn’t want to assume things so I started a casual jog, trying not to look like I’m trying to run from something but still having a faster pace than walking so if someone was to see me, they won’t think I’m losing my mind over nothing.
The road to our house is a narrow one; let’s see if the carriage, it sound like one from the movies, can go through that. There’s a neigh and a huffed that sounded like it came from a horse, it might only be my imagination, fueled by my fear, but I swear to every deity out there that I felt a puffed of warm breath hitting the back of my neck.
Forget about dignity, I started to sprint but the roads leading to our house felt a lot longer than usual. Fogs―WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?!―are covering my surroundings like an ominous blanket of ill-intentioned clouds. Fuck this, I’m having a Mist PSTD. WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY NEIGHBORS?!
My thoughts started going overdrive as I continued running yet feeling like never reaching anywhere. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. The sound of the carriage are getting louder than before.
This can’t be real. I must have fallen asleep and now I’m dreaming. Scratch that, this is not a dream. This is a nightmare.
Thousands upon thousands of thoughts are swirling on my head that I haven’t noticed an open sewer before it’s too late.
I tripped.
I went down with a yelped.
I fall down…
Down…
Down…
Down…
Down…
Down…
Upright.
Huh?
I’m standing upright as if I wasn’t falling down just a while ago. What the hell? My feet firmly planted on the ground like I’m standing on this place all this time. Where am I?
Am I seeing things? Should I be seeing things? Did I already fall asleep? I'm so confused.
Am I dreaming? Looking around the room I'm in made me more confuse that before.
The room is dark and have this hazy-feel to it like when I'm awake but borderline-on-falling-asleep-any-second. Then, there's a huge mirror in the center. Who the hell have a mirror like that these days? Is it antique? Can I sell it?
Nothing is making sense. What’s that carriage from before? Where is it now? Why am I here? Was I really chased? Did I really fall? WHAT IS REAL ANYMORE?
Wait, maybe I'm dreaming? I experienced it once after all so it's not that far-fetched. I dreamt I'm in a yacht and looking in an aquarium Romeo-Juliet-style and then someone's looking too. Apparently, my Romeo. Then we talked, fall in love, and the yacht reached its destination. My dream ended. But everything happened so fast I was furious that our love story didn’t have any depth so for some reason I consciously rewind to the moment we met and slowly unravel our supposed love story. He cheated on me in the end though, so I kinda regret my dream-decision that time.
It’s only the plausible explanation; I mean I think I just teleported somewhere. Or the background suddenly changes. Dreams sometimes do that, right? You’re doing something somewhere then suddenly everything changes and it’s normal because it’s a dream?
But why does everything feel so real?
The slow flickering of fire in a torch caught my eyes and now I'm kinda worried. The hell, imagination? What are you making? You're making me worried here, head. This is some kind of horror show you're conjuring, brain. Maybe you can transfer me in a flower field instead?
Maybe I’m lucid dreaming, and if I am then I can consciously change the surrounding too right? Closing my eyes, I tried to picture myself in a flower field like the one in Oz. Cracking my eyes ever so slowly to see if I'm in a flower field now... nope.
Maybe I need a clearer visualization. Closing my eyes again I imagine a pleasant flower field, pretty flowers, gentle breeze, clear blue sky, fluffy white clouds, throw in some chirping birds cause why the hell not, some fluttering butterflies and busy bumblebees too. Opening my eyes hopefully this time, like THAT is a clear visual, surely... Fuck I'm still here.
I carefully stomped my foot to the ground... Hmmm it's pretty solid. Alarmingly so. I kneeled and brushed my hand across the floor... still solid, no difference there. Like, really solid. A real-honest-to-life solid. The fuck kind of lucid dreaming is this? Am I Doctor Strange? Maybe I'm just dreaming this because I saw the new trailer for Multiverse of Madness.
A voice suddenly started speaking out of nowhere, the fuck? Where is the speaker? More importantly, why is it speaking in Japanese?! My brain, you okay?
I don't understand anything! Shouldn't I understand whatever since it's MY dream? What is happening? I don't see anyone. Maybe it's me speaking? Maybe this is my dream voice? I touch my lips and nope they're close. So, not me. Where the hell is the speaker?!
I listened more intently; maybe I'm not listening enough. They did say most people can hear but only few listen. Hmmm, yep still can't understand it. From what I can hear, the voice is a male? It sounds like a male. Seriously, what is he saying? Why does it sound so dramatic? Is he a theatre kid? He could be reciting the Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and I wouldn't fucking know but I can feel it's pretty intense.
Hana? It means flower, right? Thank God for anime but what's a flower got to do with any of this? The voice continued on without any regards to my crumbling dream-sanity.
Why is my heart beating so hard? I can feel it slamming into my ribs. Should I even suppose to feel my heartbeat when I'm dreaming? Calm down, heart. Calm down. Can't die from cardiac arrest right no―Holy. Shit. Holy shit. HOLY SHEEEEYT. A HAND JUST APPEAR IN A MIRROR! FUCK FUCK FUCK WHERE'S THE REST OF HIM?! IS HE ASKING FOR A DANCE? IS HE ASKING FOR MY LIFE? IS HE ASKING FOR MY SOUL?
I tried to run for my life because biiiitch no but my feet stay firmly planted on the ground, not moving an inch. What the fuck feet?! What is wrong with you? Run! RUN! IS MY DREAM-SELF DUMB? RUN FUCKING RUN! KICK! DODGE! WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING ANYTHING!
I frantically look around for something. I don't know what I'm looking for but there should be something to help me here. I'm not going to die because of my own damn feet!
SOMEBODY!
ANYBODY!
HELP!
HELP!
HELP?
Wait, maybe I'm in a coma? Didn't they say coma patient dream so vividly? Holy shit. Maybe I really did have a cardiac arrest a while ago when I was able to feel my heart. Holy shit indeed.
This shouldn't be happening; we can't afford the hospital bills right now. How could I let this happen? Where would my mother get the money to pay? Fuck. What the hell. I feel fine before what could have caused my coma?
The hand is still there but thinking about this as a coma-induced hallucination clears my mind. That's right, there's nothing to fear here because nothing is real. And if nothing is real then it can't hurt me. Nothing is real, nothing can hurt me. Okay? Good. I'm just in a coma for some unknown reason. I can't do anything about the coma part but I sure can do something about this. Right? Right. I mean, it's MY brain for crying out loud. Okay. I'm fine. Everything is fine. Everything. Is. Under. Control.
What's this hand asking for anyway? I didn't understand what the voice is saying but from the look of how the hand is posing, it's kinda like asking for something. A coin? Like the Greek's ferryman. Man, my imagination sure is wild. A hand in a mirror? Where did it even get this imagery from?
Patting my jeans, I found a five pesos coin. Maybe this is enough? Well, better than nothing I guess. I carefully handed the coin but the hand suddenly clamped into mine. Something burst behind my eyes at the contact and before I got a chance to scream my terror to the void, the hand yanked me into the mirror.
And I’m falling again into what looked like a vast ocean below ready to welcome me into its freezing embrace; if I don’t die first from the impact of this fall.
I’m getting sick of this.
I went airborne for a few minutes and dropped into what feels like water, the hand still grasping mine in a steel grip as it dragged me towards the bottom of this watery hell.
I can’t swim!
Panic started to emerge again as I sunk deeper into the dark water, my chest tightening with the need for air. They said panic drowns thought, but on my current situation, it doesn’t really matter anymore as I’m literally drowning.
Am I suffocating?
Is this what suffocating feels like?
Dark spots are spreading within my vision, darker than the water that surrounds me.
Ah.
I’m dying.