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A pair of hands jostled his body and he groaned, digging his face further into the pillow. “Jean!” He pulled the covers over his head, trying to block out the distressing voice, but his ears picked up on a sniffle coming from the unknown direction. “Jean.”
Jean lowered the blanket to the bridge of his nose and slowly opened his eyes, reaching for the lamp. He pulled the string and the light emitted brightly off of Armin’s melancholic eyes and he slowly sat up, staring keenly at his distressed lover. “What dream was it this time?” He glanced at the clock that read 5:34 am and resisted the urge to bury himself back into the blankets.
“She’s dead…”
“She?” His brain regained consciousness at Armin’s comment and he yawned rolling his shoulders back. “For the last time, Ella the Shamu is not real, that was a dream and even if she were real, she wouldn’t die from that.”
“No, no, it wasn’t a dream,” Armin shifted his body away from him and nervously tugged at his fingers. He hummed curiously and angled himself to get a better look at the blond. “This is real.”
His heart skipped a beat before pounding rapidly against his chest, and his drowsiness turned into fear. “I don’t know what happened,” He sat still, trying to recollect his thoughts, and ignored the nausea that was building up from his anxiety. Before he could speak, Armin flung himself onto his chest, squeezing him tightly and his shirt became moist. ‘Oh, crap…’
He took in a deep breath, putting on a strong face, and slowly peeled Armin off of his chest to get a better look at him. “Min, who’s dead?” The disturbed look on Armin’s face made him feel even more unsettled and he reeled in his fear, not wanting to jump to conclusions.
“Cherry.”
He rummaged through his brain at the unfamiliar name, and his anxiety was instantly replaced with curiosity. “I’m not trying to be rude here, but who’s Cherry?” The name had a slight hint of familiarity, but it wasn’t enough to jog his memory back up.
Armin pulled away, raising an eyebrow, and a frown was etched onto his face. “What do you mean who’s Cherry?” He remained silent, still trying to put a name to the face, but nothing came up. Armin scoffed at his apologetic shrug, and he scratched the back of his head. “Cherry, our betta fish.”
He squinted, waiting for more information, but the blond eyed him and he groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘Of course…’ As annoyed as he was, this was not the first time he had woken up to a dramatic display of emotions and he knew in the pit of his stomach it was not the last. They had only been dating for 8 months and he had already lost count of Armin’s emotional outburst regarding their fish. He searched his brain for an ounce of sympathy, but his exhaustion was at the forefront of his mind. ‘Think of something…’ He mustered an apologetic shrug and tried sounding as comforting as possible.
“Damn, sorry to hear, she was a beautiful fish,” He yawned, holding out his arms, and blew out an exasperated sigh. “We can throw her out in the morning, now come back here and let me comfort you with my arms,” Armin crossed his arms, leaning away from his touch and he dropped his arms, letting out a tired whimper. “What’s wrong?”
“I think we need to figure out what to do now.”
His eyes widened at Armin’s request and he waited patiently for the blond’s punchline, but they sat in silence and he made his own decision. “Alright, I’m going back to bed-”
Armin scoffed, poking at his chest and he shooed the finger away. “I will drag you out of this bed myself,” Armin hastily stood up, pulling on his forearm, but the blond struggled to pull him up. “Come on, get up.”
“What am I supposed to do with a dead fish?” He shook his head in disbelief and tried prying Armin off his arm. “Your hands are like fucking claws.”
“We need to have a funeral for her.”
He put a finger up, readying himself to speak, but failed to conjure up a logical response. He hummed suspiciously, questioning his reality, and grew even more confused as his brain failed to find the logic behind everything. ‘Maybe this is a dream…’
He stared at the blond and tugged at his hair, ignoring the small yelp Armin let out. “Why’d you pull my hair?”
“I was trying to figure out if I was dreaming because there’s no way you just told me we have to have a funeral for a fish,” He pointed to the clock and his eye twitched. “At 5:36 am.”
“Cherry is floating above the water and her brothers and sisters are probably traumatized right now.”
The corner of his mouth went up and he did his best to conceal a laugh and instead let out an awkward noise. 'Oh, this is too funny,' A heavy laugh ripped through his chest and he held onto his stomach, ignoring Armin’s irradiated glare.
Armin squeezed his bicep and aggressively threw his arm back at him. He attempted to take a moment to breathe, but only laughed harder at Armin’s dramatic display. “Are we going to have fish therapy sessions?”
Armin grunted, rolling his eyes, and reached over him, to whisk the pillow and blankets off the bed. “You're not funny and you never will be.”
“Hey,” He exhaled and let out another laugh, swiping a tear out of his eye. Armin pulled the covers and he hastily gripped onto the blanket, tugging Armin back onto the bed. “Hey baby, where are you going-”
“I’m sleeping in the living room.”
“I’ll be cold and lonely without you,” Armin growled, hitting him in the head with the pillow and he released the blanket to shield himself from the harsh blows. “I’m just joking with you,” The blond continued to hit him over the head with the pillow, and he quickly caught the next hit and smiled, ignoring Armin’s harsh stare.
“That’s why I’m sleeping in the living room,” The blond tugged the blanket and he reached out to pull him in, but Armin stepped back. “You have fun sleeping in the cold.”
“All because I think it's funny that Oliver and Skylar might eat Cherry’s remains?” He let out another small laugh. “Are you going out there to stop them from eating her?” He sighed, leaning forward one last time, but Armin dodged his reach. “It was just a joke-”
“The only thing that’s funny right now is thinking about how you’re going to freeze tonight,” Armin marched to the door and flicked him off, before stomping out of the room. He squinted his eyes, staring at the door, and waited patiently for the blond to return. ‘He’s not sleeping in the living room… is he?’ He let out a hum, looking at the clock, and noticed 2 minutes had passed by without him hearing stomping.
“Oh, for god’s sake,” he rolled out of bed and headed straight for the living room. “Armin…”
The blond stared blankly at the fish tank and waved the net around. “We can deal with her later, leave her in there,” Armin scrutinized him and dipped the net into the tank to whisk Cherry up. He grimaced, watching as the blond casually walked with the dead fish in the net and placed it onto a metal tray. “What the hell is that?”
“I got it from work,” Armin shrugged, examining the fish, and his lips thinned. “It looks like some of them were already pecking at her-”
He let out an accidental laugh and shrugged off Armin’s heated glare. “Okay, come on, that's a little funny.”
“How is this funny to you?”
“Family events must be so awkward,” He hummed, crossing his arms and his mind wandered onto the other fish. “Imagine Oliver having to explain to Skylar and Robert that she took a few bites out of Cherry…” He grimaced and turned to look at the tank. “How do they casually swim around even knowing that, though?”
“Where’s your keepsake?”
He turned his attention back to his boyfriend and inched towards him, peeking at the fish on the gray tray. “What do you need it for?”
“When we have our funeral-”
“What the hell does a fish need for a funeral other than a toilet to be flushed down?”
Armin sharply turned to him with a scowl. “We need to dispose of her properly.”
Occasionally, he forgot how seriously Armin took being a fish owner. Most people viewed fish as low-maintenance, but Armin seemed to be a different case. As endearing as it was to watch his lover indulge in a hobby, it irked him knowing he was losing precious sleep over something as trivial as fish. ‘Maybe if I play along, we can get this done faster…’
“Fine, give me a minute,” All options pointed to not entertaining Armin’s request, but he wanted to avoid Armin being upset with him.
He quietly entered their bedroom and spotted the small, mahogany keepsake on the table, and opened it to clear it of its content. He exited the bedroom and placed the object on the table, and his stomach warmed up at Armin’s smile. ‘There it is.’
“Thank you.”
“Wait, where does the keepsake come in during all of this?” He tilted his head in confusion, avoiding all eye contact with the lifeless fish on the tray.
“I’m going to preserve her body and we’re going to bury her.”
“For a minute there, I thought you just said we were going to bury her,” Armin’s silence reaffirmed his previous thought and his eye twitched from annoyance. “Just flush her.”
“You’re joking, right?” Armin chuckled, but he stared at the blond, waiting for an explanation. “First of all, flushing a fish is actually unsafe, and second, there are strict laws regarding that,” Armin motioned for him to come closer and he hesitantly took a few steps and gagged at the sight of Cherry.
“Do you see that?”
He faced Armin, waiting for the blond to point and elaborate at what he was referring to, but Armin remained silent. “Yeah, what about it,” He cluelessly examined the fish and quickly averted his eyes.
While a lot of things failed to freak him out, dead fish, however, were a different story. It was the main reason why he preferred to stay away from fish, but this had proved difficult living with Armin. As much as he loved the blond, he was still baffled at his lover's nonchalant behavior regarding dead fishes and failed to wrap his mind around it.
“Based on her current state, she didn’t die from any disease, but I was paranoid about everyone else eating her.”
“Well, anyway, what’re you going to do, bury her in the keepsake?” He squeezed Armin’s shoulder, waiting for a laugh, but the blond seemed to be in deep thought. “We’re burying her?”
“We also need to get the other tank from the basement soon,” Armin shook his head, letting out a defeated sigh. “They’re probably so sad and confused trying to figure out how Cherry died.”
He thinned his lips, holding in a laugh, and scratched the back of his neck watching the fish ideally swim back and forth. “Yeah, so I’m going to look in the basement for the other tank and you do your little fish autopsy, okay?” He pecked Armin on the cheek and blew out a soft sigh, heading to the basement.
He slid his hand in, flipping on the switch, and peeked his head in, double-checking for spiders. Once the coast was clear, he strolled down the stairs, ignoring the creaking of each step, and scanned the room for a fish tank. He rejoiced internally once he spotted the tank leaning on the wall and scurried across the basement floor to retrieve the item. ‘Thank god I don’t have to be down here any longer.’
As he shuffled to the fish tank, his mind replayed every event that had preceded in the last few minutes. Seeing Armin distraught about an animal’s health, specifically sea animals, was to be expected, but his outburst was still concerning. He was aware of Armin’s emotional attachment to Cherry, but not once did he consider the emotional toll of Cherry departing on Armin's emotional well-being.
‘Maybe Cherry and he gossiped more often?’ He shook his head and scoffed at his thought. ‘That doesn’t even make sense…I need to sleep immediately.’ He lifted the fish tank and quickly marched back up the stairs. “How’s your fish autopsy?” He closed the door and dashed by, once again evading all eye contact with the fish.
“I’m still kind of hung up on what went wrong,” Armin tossed the tools on the table and removed the blue surgical gloves. “We had a feeding schedule, so I know it wasn’t because she starved.”
“Maybe it was Cherry’s time,” He placed the tank underneath the sink and turned to his melancholic boyfriend. “I don’t have to transfer them now, right?”
“No, transferring them after filling up the tank could kill them because of the pH levels, plus we need to use the dechlorinate after a certain hour for their new home.”
He nodded slowly, humming at Armin’s dreadful tone, and searched for comforting words. “Well, at least we know that we’ve had Cherry for a long time, plus we still have,” He glanced at the fish tank and counted the other fishes. “Oliver, Apollo, Suzie, Robert, Skylar, Han Solo, Eren, and Malcolm,” He hummed, mentally patting himself on the back for memorizing all their names.
“I hope they’re okay,” Armin glided his hand through his hair and turned to stare at the tank. “I’m hoping the others don’t get too depressed and start dying from stress.”
He glanced at Armin, waiting for a chuckle, but the blond remained silent, somberly looking at the table. A series of questions rolled around in his head, but there was a particular one that had been engraved on his mind for months. “Excluding Han Solo and Eren, where did these name ideas come from?”
“I just…” Armin shrugged, averting his eyes to the table, but a light shade of pink covered his cheeks. “I just like those names.”
He raised his eyebrows, still unconvinced, but dropped the subject. “So why are we doing everything this early again?"
“Because I don’t know if I can sleep knowing I have a dead fish that needs to be tended to,” Armin sighed, shuffling over to him, and leaned against the counter. “Where do you think fish go when they die?”
“On my plate,” He grinned, turning to the blond, but received a glare and his smile turned into a frown. “Well, fish die in the ocean all the time and become our food, it’s not that serious,” He cringed internally at his comment and shook his sleep-deprived brain to regain his calm demeanor.
“Not to you, but it’s serious to me because they are…” Armin paused, furrowing his eyebrows, and stared deeply into the tank. “My fish, and we need to bury her.”
“Right now?” He pointed outside the window and groaned at the only source of light, which was a minor yellow tint from the sun. “The sun is barely out, why can’t we just wait?”
“How would you feel if you died and someone wanted to wait and bury you because they wanted to fulfill their selfish desires?”
“Well, let's see,” He hummed sarcastically, unable to keep his irritation at bay. “I wouldn’t feel anything because I would be dead,” He mentally took a step back, reminding himself that Armin was only grieving, and aggressively rubbed his tired eyes.
Armin pulled out a ziplock bag and headed back to the table. “Can you not be an asshole about this for two seconds?”
“I…” He paused, taking in a deep breath, and rethought every word that flew out of his mouth. “What else can I do to help?”
“I was hoping you could make a clay tombstone and paint it for me,” Armin smiled, giving him a thumbs up and he resisted the urge to make a sarcastic comment. He glanced at the ombre-colored sky and miserably hung his head. ‘The sun is slowly coming up.’
“Of course…”
“It doesn’t have to be perfect, you can write R. I. P Cherry.” Armin stood up, shaking his head, and slid the fish into the ziplock bag. “Final verdict is that she didn’t die of a disease, but her death will, unfortunately, remain unknown.” The blond slid the dead fish into a separate part of the freezer and removed his gloves.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“We have to preserve her body until we put her in her casket.”
“You’re supposed to preserve their body before burying them?” He stared hauntingly at the fridge and scratched the back of his head.
Armin faced him and crossed his arms, in deep thought. “Well, not necessarily, but I think it’s only logical to preserve her body, until further notice,” He hummed, throwing his head back, unable to find a logical rebuttal as his mind continued to crave more sleep. Before he could respond, Armin patted his arm and smiled at him. “Alright, let’s get to work-”
“I thought I was only making a tombstone?” Armin’s lack of confirmation fed into the irritated brain and he groaned, as energy drained from his body. “Right?”
“Well,” Armin nodded stiffly and tapped his fingers on the counter. “I just needed you to dig up the snow and the soil while I get the eulogy ready?”
“I…” He squinted his eyes, steadily turning to face Armin. “Did you just say you’re writing a eulogy?”
“Well, we can’t just send her on her way without her knowing how special she was to us, but it won’t take long,” An odd silence settled between the both of them and he squared his jaw, mentally searching for bits of patience.
“No.”
“What?” Armin pouted his lips and gave him a sorrowful look. “No, to what?”
“I'm saying no to you writing a eulogy, the grave, and the tombstone,” He dried his hands on the nearest cloth and ignored the oncoming headache. “You need more sleep than I do,” He was beyond exhausted, and his mind was running on everything but logic. "We are just going to throw her away in the keepsake."
“You didn’t even think about it-”
“What is there to think about?” His composer slipped, as his annoyance turned into an ill-tempered fit. “Do you hear yourself right now?” Armin opened his mouth to speak, but he swiftly interjected. “You’re planning a eulogy for a fish, how can you even say that out loud without questioning yourself right now?”
"Why did you even agree to help me if you were so against everything!”
“I agreed to help because I didn’t expect you to take things this far over a fish and this is starting to get weird!”
“Just because it's not normal to you, doesn't mean it's a bad idea,” Armin chuckled bitterly and stepped back, crossing his arms. “You'd be surprised how many people do this!”
“Yes, I’m sure they do!” He placed his hands on Armin’s shoulders and peered deeply into his eyes. “Children do this and you are acting very childish right now,” Instant regret hit him like a ton of bricks, and Armin’s eye became glossy. “Okay wait, I didn’t mean it like that…” The blond let out a shaky sigh, pulling himself out of his grasp, and stared blankly at the tile. A tense silence entered their presence and the pit in Jean’s stomach continued to grow. “I’m just trying to say-”
“I’m the childish one when you’re throwing a fit over not getting sleep?” Armin glared at him, and he opened his mouth to argue back, but Armin shook his head. “You don’t have to say anything because your message is clear,” Armin frowned, slumping his shoulders, and glanced at the fish tank. “I am sorry for forcing you to care about our fish-”
“I never said I didn’t care-”
“And I’m sorry for acting so immature over something that mattered to me,” Armin shuffled into the living room and swiftly grabbed the blanket before looking back at him. “Just for this, you’re the one sleeping in the living room!” The blond barely spared him a glance before marching into the room and he heard the clicking of the doorknob.
“Why do I have to sleep in the living room?” He shuffled to the door and grabbed onto the doorknob. “Why’re you acting like this, I didn’t mean it.”
“Yes, you did…”
He raised an eyebrow, pressing his ear to the door, and heard a sniffle. “Armin, are you crying?”
“No,” the blond’s voice cracked and his previous anger turned into weight-crushing guilt. “Why do you have such a big mouth sometimes?”
The silence that fell over them lacked tension, but it was far from comfortable. “I don't know…” He placed his forehead against the door, completely at a loss for words to convey his regret as small hiccups emitted from the other side of the door. His bottom lip quivered as an immeasurable amount of disappointment invaded his body and he desperately wished for a time machine to undo the last few minutes. “Can you explain to me why Cherry meant so much to you?”
As the question tumbled out of his mouth, it occurred to him that he never asked Armin of Cherry’s importance and went based on assumption. ‘Way to go asshole…’ An apology tumbled around in his head but he wondered if Armin was even willing to hear him out.
A sigh came from the other side of the door, and his chest filled with relief at the simple fact that Armin was still by the door. “It felt like we were solidifying our relationship when you first bought her because we were taking care of her together, but now I feel like I’ve failed you because she’s dead and I didn’t want you to see me as irresponsible.”
“I’m sorry for not taking this seriously, I really am.”
Armin chuckled, but it lacked any humor, and the sound of the door unlocking caught his attention. “Honestly, it’s my fault for reading this far into fishes, so you have room privileges now…” Armin’s voice had been void of any emotion, and he mentally beat himself up, knowing he was the reason behind that simple fact.
He stepped back from the door, processing Armin’s words, and smacked himself on the forehead. ‘Oh, you’ve messed up this time…’ His gut had warned him the fish had a deeper meaning, but not once would he have comprehended that it signified an important milestone in their relationship.
Jean sat on the chair, dropping his head, and the ache in his chest worsened. ‘He thought he failed me…’ The more he reminisced on Armin’s behavior, the more pieces clicked together. ‘Only Armin would be this hard on himself taking care of fish.’ The ash-haired brunette turned to look at the other fishes swimming ideally in the tank, and grimaced, shaking his head. ‘I hope they know I love them too.’
He glided a hand through his hair and an idea came to him as he stood from the chair, quietly shuffling to the bedroom. ‘I can make it up to him and the other fishes…’ He steadily opened the door, made his way to the bedside table, and grabbed his art supplies and clay box.
The ash-haired brunette peeked at his lover, whose head was buried underneath the covers, and sighed, as the guilt returned. Jean strolled out of the room, making minimal noise, and quietly closed the door on his way out. He looked between both supplies and woke himself up as best as he could in order to conjure up an art piece idea. “Alright, let’s get to work.”
As he molded the object together, his mind worked on auto-pilot and he remembered Armin’s word, trying to decipher his words. There was undoubtedly something else Armin was attempting to refer to, but his mind continued to do cartwheels, as he searched for a deeper meaning. ‘Why would I care about whether he’s capable of taking care of fish?’
After lightly pressing in one last section of the miniature tombstone, he grabbed a toothpick, carved in miniature letters, and eyeballed every section. He let out a sigh of relief, placing down the object, and glanced at the time on the stove that read 6:18. He shook his head, trying to remain awake, and grabbed the art supplies and his 9 x 12 canvas.
As he sketched his desired idea, he reminisced on the memory of when he first gifted Cherry to Armin and he smiled, remembering Armin’s excitement.
“What’re we going to name her?” He watched her movement and tilted his head in confusion when the fish swam to hide behind the rock.
“We?” Armin looked at him, raising an eyebrow and he pursed his lips, wondering if he had said the wrong words. “We’re naming her together?”
He hummed, nodding his head, and smiled when the fish reappeared. “I mean, we are taking care of her together, but I mean she is your fish, so-”
“No, no, she’s our fish…” Armin’s cheeks tinted to a light shade of pink and the blond swiftly looked back at the fish. “In our apartment,” He waited for the blond to continue speaking, but Armin seemed to be in his personal world.
He placed an arm on Armin’s shoulder, bringing him closer, and placed a small kiss on his head. “So what name do you think we should name her from your list of names?”
“Huh?”
“I’ve seen the list of names you look at on your notes app,” Armin tensed up in his arms, and he looked down at the blond, who was an even darker shade of red. “I’m not sure why you have them and I think it’s cute that you have fish names always prepared on your phone.”
Armin relaxed in his arm, and chuckled lightly, scratching his cheek. “Yeah, fish names, of course, that's what they are,” The blond cleared his throat, and his smile was plastered back on. “There’s Oliver, Skylar, Cherry-”
“Cherry sounds good,” He watched her swim rapidly back and forth in awe. “Oh, look I think she likes it, look at her go!” He heard Armin hum, but it lacked excitement. “Of course, we can always pick a name from your ambiguous list of names.”
“No, Cherry is a cute name, but did you not like any of those names?” Armin crossed his arms, leaning forward to stare at the tank. “I think they’re neat names-”
“Oh, those are all great names, especially Skylar, but our other fishes can have those names,” He shoulder tapped Armin’s shoulder and realized Armin was staring at him in shock. “Or not-”
“We’re going to have more fishes?”
“Well, of course, we are, Cherry is going to get lonely and needs brothers and sisters!” He removed his arm, leaned forward, and grinned at the tank. “You won’t be alone for much longer Cherry, soon you will have a tank full of fish siblings, and friends,” He felt Armin’s gaze on him and his cheeks heated up as he leaned away from the tank. “Why’re you looking at me like that?”
“I…” Armin nervously pulled at his fingers but smiled fondly at him. “I’m just thrilled that we are going to take care of more fishes together.”
He sighed fondly at the memory and his chest ached a little. ‘I can’t believe Cherry is gone,’ He erased leftover marks and wasted no time in pouring the colors onto his palette, and began with light brush strokes. He was slightly disappointed, knowing that there were still errors on it, but did his best to cover them up. ‘ Achieve for your best, not perfection, you’re best is always going to be enough.’ He grinned as Armin's words of encouragement resounded softly in his head.
Armin had never failed to make him feel validated, and even in his worst moments, Armin still made him feel worthy. Even now, 8 months into their relationship, he still couldn’t process how he’d ended up with someone as kind-hearted and intelligent as Armin, but he was far beyond grateful. The more he thought of Armin’s willingness to put up with him, the angrier he became at himself for dismissing Armin’s emotions.
He scanned the painting, mentally making note of every mistake as the urge to perfect it continued to resurface in his head. A minor part of him wanted to redo each section to compensate for his earlier behavior of being dismissive, but deep down, he knew it wasn’t going to make up for his behavior.
Jean sighed, ignoring the weight of the stress, and continued to paint for half an hour before placing it down to dry. He let out an exhausted sigh, scratching his eyes, and noticed the light was peaking through the blinds. ‘The sun is up,’
He glanced at the painting, then back to the clay-model tombstone, and relief washed over him at the thought of putting his head down for a 2-minute nap. “Now we let it dry,” Jean placed his head onto his arms, burrowing his head into the crook of his elbows, and allowed the heaviness of his eyelids to shut his eyes. A weight began pulling onto him as he allowed himself to fall deeper and deeper into his slumber, allowing all previous thoughts to wander out of his head.
“Jean,” A pair of soft hands caressed his cheek and he burrowed his head further into the crook of his elbow. “I know you’re tired, but you need to get up.”
“5 more minutes.”
“How about we get you into an actual bed?”
He furrowed his eyebrows at the comment and gradually opened his eyes, only to be met with a pair of hazel brown eyes. He took in his surroundings and shivered, realizing he was sitting at the kitchen table. “What time is it?”
“Not sure, but it’s really early and I can tell you’ve been up all morning,” Armin carefully picked up the canvas, fawning over the painting. “It’s really hard to stay mad at you when you pull stunts like this and I think it’s insane that you managed to make this even in your sleep-deprived state.” The blond gave him a soft smile that warmed up his body. “This is beautiful Jean, thank you.”
He nodded, only taking in a quarter of his words, and tiredly massaged his eyes. “I still have things to put together,” Armin grabbed onto his bicep, pulling him off the chair, and he allowed the blond to drag him away from the table. “Where are we going?”
“We can finish it together, but after you get some sleep,” They entered their room and he dragged his feet to his side of the bed, and let out an exhausted groan as he face-planted into his pillow. He hummed happily at the comfortable bed cushion, but couldn’t help but frown as he turned to Armin. “I messed up, and I’m sorry for being insensitive.”
Armin propped himself up on his elbow and scooted closer to him. “It’s okay Jean, I’m not mad anymore,” Armin parted his hair in the middle and he pulled Armin further into his arms.
“No, it’s not okay because you had a thought process that I didn’t understand, and rather than seeing your perspective, I got mad and called you childish when I shouldn’t have and I know I can be emotionally frustrating, but I never want you to feel you can’t express any form of emotions and I hope you can forgive me.”
Armin smirked, tapping his nose with his finger, and began lightly pinching his cheeks. “Jean, I understand you weren’t trying to be mean and I know you were just cranky because I woke you up at 5 in the morning and no one wants to be woken up at 5 in the morning over something so trivial, so it’s partially my fault for freaking out-”
“I still had no right saying that to you and I’m genuinely sorry,” Armin smiled, leaning over, and caressed his cheek. “I still remember the day I got her and how excited she was when we named her,” He let out a big sigh then pursed his lip. “I know it’s sad because she was the first thing we took care of together, but there are so many other things for us to take care of together, so why would you think you failed me?”
He looked at the blond, waiting for him to elaborate, but Armin frowned at the question and retracted his hands. “Why would you come to that conclusion?”
“No important reason…” Armin attempted to shift away from him while pulling the covers over the both of them. He caught the blond in his arms and rolled him onto his body, reading his facial expression for clues. “It’s not important, I swear,” Armin was turning red by the second and he couldn’t prevent a chuckle from bubbling up.
“Your face says otherwise,” He smiled and gently squeezed Armin, pressing their bodies together. “I’m not letting you go until you answer the question.”
“It’s…” Armin chuckled nervously, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. “It’s really stupid, I promise you, all is forgiven, so we can move on and sleep, I know you’re tired.”
“Yeah, but I can stay up another few minutes,” He used his right hand to rub Armin’s back, hoping it was enough to coax him into speaking. “I just want to know so I can avoid ever making you feel like that.”
Armin hummed, giving him a reluctant look, then sighed in surrender. “Well, it wasn’t anything you said or did, but I just thought I failed you because I didn’t want you to think I was incapable of taking care of anything.”
“Why would I decide that based on fish, though?”
“I told you it was stupid.”
“No, it’s not stupid, I just want to understand why and where the thought came from because I feel like it has more to do with them just being fish.” He waited patiently for an answer but was met with silence. “Well-”
“Kids.”
“What?” The response caught him off guard and he looked sharply at the blond, waiting for him to correct himself. “Hey, did you just say kids?” His brain was failing to comprehend Armin’s words, but for once it wasn’t the sleep-deprivation catching up to him. There were a million responses that Armin could’ve conjured up, but kids were truly one he least expected. “What exactly does that mean?” Something unfamiliar settled in his stomach, but it disappeared at Armin’s silence. “You can’t just tell me kids and not respond.”
“I want to raise a kid with you and I was just scared that this would cloud your judgment about me, I guess, I don’t know,” Armin’s cheeks matched a ripe tomato and he furrowed his brows allowing the comment to roll around in his head.
‘He wants to have a kid with me?’ He swallowed, filling with anticipation, and smiled warmly, allowing the words to sink in. ‘A child?’ The thought of them being a family was one he had processed before but kept it at a bare minimum to avoid the rushing to fast speech. “Armin, I love you more than anything, why would I just decide to not want to have a family with you over fish?”
“I don’t know,” Armin softly sighed and he pulled the blonde into a chaste kiss. “I just don't want you to see me as a failure incapable of taking care of something as easy as a fish.”
“Armin, you are going make a great father,” He brushed Armin’s bangs apart and traced his thumb against his lip before kissing him again. “You’re just perfect like that, don’t overthink it.”
”You think so?” Armin gazed into his eyes and the urge to turn away and hide his vulnerability was kicking in, but he held eye contact. “You're going to be an amazing father too.”
‘Does that mean he also wants to get married?’ His cheeks heated up, and for once he allowed his mind to wander to a scenario that he had stored away. ‘We can get married by a nice scenic beach, but it’ll be a small wedding and we’re going to have to live a little further away from the city so our kids can grow up in a more suburban area.’ He became giddier with every passing scenario and allowed them to panel out. ‘He wants to have kids with me, of all people-’
“Of course, we can always just get pets instead of kids-”
“No, we’re doing both,” He slowly nodded, detailing the vision in his head. “Yeah, we can have however many kids you want and we can get 2 cats, 6 fishes, and a dog and we can live a little further out from the city.”
Armin squinted his eyes, then tilted his head. “How long have you been planning this out?”
He scoffed, rolling his eyes, but the heat on his cheeks worsened. “Since right now, why?” He lied, ignoring the intense stare Armin was giving him, and shrugged, trying to rid the blond of any further suspicions. “You literally have a list of possible names in you phone, give me a break,” He shoved the giggling blond off of his body, but Armin rapidly clung back onto his side.
“We’re going to talk about this when you wake up, you know that, right?” Armin snuggled into his arm, placing a hand on his chest. “Also, if you have a dream about our little family, make sure one kid takes up an interest in science,” The blond returned to his body and clung onto him tightly. Armin placed his head on his chest, letting out a relieved sigh. “The painting meant a lot, thank you,” Armin’s voice grew softer and he opened an eye and noticed the blond had drifted off into a slumber.
Anxiety rolled off his body as he allowed himself to fall into a deep slumber and a comforting warmth invaded his body as he continued to conjure up another scenario.