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Numb. When Chat Noir had lied about having a girlfriend the day of Miracle Queen she had felt numb. When her cure hadn’t restored Master Fu’s memories she had felt numb. Hell for a brief moment, before her fear had crept back in, she had felt numb when she saw the destruction that Chat Blanc had caused.
But as Ladybug clasped her palms on the sides of her head in horror she wished that she could feel numb. Anything was better than this.
“I lost everything,” she cried out before burying her face into her hands.
What had she done?
The cool air cut against her skin and she let out another sob.
Move aside and let the pros do their thing. You’ve already failed once.
She wasn’t a hero. She was just a screw-up who didn’t know what she was doing.
In a few moments, when the old guardian is too weak and his shield is broken, I’ll force him to tell me your secret identities, and it will all be thanks to Ladybug.
How could she have been so stupid? How could she have let herself fail?
“You haven’t lost me,” a familiar voice said from beside her. She took in a short breath of air and turned in his direction.
Her partner. Someone else who she had left down.
Chat Noir stood only a few feet away from her and was gazing at the city.
“Why don’t you give up on me?” she asked shakily as she wept into her hands once more. She was a mess. He had known that from day one and yet he was still here.
Why hadn’t he moved on? Why hadn’t he left her? Why… why did he still love her? The universe had been screaming at him to move on, hadn’t it? All the rejections, all the heartbreak, all the mistakes that she made that he had to deal with.
But for some reason none of that mattered because he was still here, still standing, still ready to fight with everything he had.
She wished she could be like that; unshakeable in the face of hardship.
“I lost all the miraculouses… I’m the worst guardian that’s ever existed!” she said, refusing to meet his eyes. She had fucked up again. She had made a mistake again. She had ruined everything again. This was worse than Miracle queen, worse than Master Fu losing his memories, worse than everything.
The simple truth is you don’t love me anymore… Well, maybe not everything.
She tilted her head away from him. It was easier this way. Easier to confess her sins without having to see the disappointment in his eyes. Because how could he not be disappointed in her? She was so why wouldn’t he?
“I wanted to control everything.” Fuck up.
“I didn’t listen to you.” Mess.
“I lied to you and pushed you away.” Mistake. She looked up at him.
“Whenever you offered me help, I refused and caused the biggest confusion.” Failure.
Tears streamed down her face and she couldn’t help but nestle her crying head on her knees.
Chat Noir held out a hand to her. “M’lady.”
She stared at his outstretched arm and then into his eyes.
There was a soft smile dancing across his lips and something about him was making her heart melt. There was warmth blooming in her chest and oh wasn’t this just so familiar?
Kind eyes, a reassuring smile, unwavering faith in her.
Because without you, she’d no longer be here. And because without us, they won’t make it, and we’ll prove that to ‘em. Trust me on this. Okay?
Hadn’t there been an emotion there? Something that had made her feel fuzzy in the chest. Something she hadn’t had enough time to decipher. Something that had been forgotten about once she had accepted an umbrella and an apology.
Your friendship means everything to me. You can keep the rose. It goes with your costume.
Hadn’t she wanted him to stay and kiss her?
Always, Little Bug.
Hadn’t she just wanted him to love her?
His hand was right there. All she had to do was grab it.
Grab it and she would be okay. Grab it and they would be okay. Grab it and they could rewrite history, or the stars or whatever. Grab it and there was the possibility that they could be together.
It was our love that did this to the world, m’lady.
Hadn’t she been in love with him? Wait…
Thunder boomed.
Oh.
Oh.
She’s in love with Chat Noir.
She’s in love with Chat Noir.
So I might as well destroy you, me, everything…
Shit.
But… wasn’t today about taking risks? Maybe the ones she had taken had backfired horribly but something about this one just felt right.
She thinks back to the broken wasteland that her mind couldn’t seem to escape and then back to the kind-hearted boy in front of her. The answer was clear even if she had never wanted to admit it.
Trust me on this, okay?
M’lady.
It’s us against the world.
You can keep the rose.
Always, Little Bug.
Maybe this, maybe he was worth the risk.
Tentatively, she took his hand.
He pulled her into a hug and all she could think about is that all of the risks she had taken today were horrible mistakes but this risk? Even though it could end in disaster, even though it could break both their hearts, even though she was scared and lost and tired, that maybe this risk was the best one she had taken all day.
We’ll be alright.