Work Text:
“Jack Sparrow, you greasy godforsaken pillaging thieving – codfish!”
“Told you ‘twas a bad idea t’ take out the gag,” said Anamaria blandly, peering at the commodore lying on the floor of the great cabin of the Black Pearl. His wrists and ankles were bound and he was flopping around, trying to get sufficient leverage to hoist himself to his feet.
Elizabeth pitied him, really – he was so proud – but she had to bite down on her tongue to keep from giggling as he glared at them. “You’re in no danger, James,” she said.
“None a’tall,” said Jack with a breezy wave, crouching down beside the man.
“Wouldn't touch him if I was you,” said Anamaria, slipping an arm around Elizabeth’s waist. “I bet he bites.”
James’s face grew ever more florid as he darted wild looks between the three of them. “Let me go this instant! I’ll see all of you hanged –” Elizabeth made a face, hurt, and sagged back against Anamaria, who merely sighed with exaggerated patience and burrowed her nose into a golden braid.
“If you’d just calm down –” said Jack soothingly.
“I will not calm down!” James thundered, kicking his legs out in Jack’s general direction. The pirate captain crab-walked nimbly away, shooting James an injured look. “Untie me at once, Sparrow!”
The door to the cabin banged open and James fell silent, blinking at the sunlight and the sight of Will stumbling in, holding his head in both hands.
“Yelling,” he muttered, “why? And my head – what was in that tea – how long’ve I been asleep...”
“Sorry about that,” said Elizabeth sweetly, as she had been the one to pour the powdered nightshade in, though Anamaria had taken charge of carefully measuring out the right amount to keep Will from being permanently put to sleep.
“It really was quite deviant of us,” Jack added, standing and coming to hook an arm around each woman. Anamaria snapped her teeth at him and clung tighter to Elizabeth. Most of the time she could be counted on to share, however grudgingly, but she could be a right jealous bitch as well. Elizabeth found it rather flattering, even if she sometimes had to nurse a persistent Jack’s wounds and a sulking Anamaria’s feelings.
“But look at the gift we've brought you,” said Elizabeth after a pause during which Anamaria made it apparent that she would have no further part in the plan. She and Jack both swept an hand out at said gift, who had his eyes shut tight in sheer mortification.
Will looked fuzzily from Jack to Elizabeth to Anamaria, who shrugged. “Not my idea, whelp.”
Finally the blacksmith’s gaze fell to the man on the floor. His mouth dropped open. “James?”
“I hate, abhor, and simply loathe,” said James with crisp schoolroom enunciation, “each and every one of your friends.” Elizabeth found it interesting that he had used about as many words as Jack would have to form that thought.
Lurching forward, Will half-knelt and half-fell at the commodore’s side. “What are you – how did – what in God’s name is going on?” His voice grew gradually louder and he looked up at the three of them, his face clearing from its belladonna-induced sleep to take on an angered expression that would brook no dissembling.
“We made a bit of a side trip into Port Royal, mate,” said Jack, trying a winning smile. It didn't work.
Elizabeth threw her own wheedling charms into the mix. “It’s clear how much you miss him, Will, and he deserves a holiday as much as you do.”
“So you decided to poison me and kidnap him?” Will shook his head, at a loss for words for a few moments. Anamaria muttered Spanish curses against Elizabeth’s neck, mostly directed at Jack, which was highly unfair since he and Elizabeth had agreed to share credit for the plan.
Still gaping, Will turned his attention back to the commodore, who was pouting most prettily.
“I've been horribly mistreated,” James said plaintively. Rolling over onto his back, he offered his tied limbs, looking remarkably like an overgrown house cat asking for his belly to be rubbed. Anamaria snickered and Elizabeth elbowed her in the ribs.
“Hush, they’re sweet,” she hissed.
Will began fumbling for the dagger he kept in his left boot. “Poor darling,” he murmured to the waiting James, snapping the ropes bunching his white stockings. He pulled the other man upright, hugging him tight around the middle.
“Promise not to come at us,” Jack protested, seeing Will go for the remaining restraints. Anamaria stomped on his toes when he tried to hide behind her.
Will paused, looking at James, who rolled his eyes. “Very well,” he sighed. “I’ll not touch them.”
“Y’could leave him tied for yer own purposes,” said Anamaria with a smirk. She was quite fond of a nice twist of rope, as Elizabeth knew only too well.
At Will’s tilt-headed, considering glance, James imperiously held out his wrists. “William,” he warned when Will still hesitated.
“Just a suggestion, love,” said Will with a grin, slicing easily through the ropes. He immediately turned solicitous again once he saw the raw welts raised on the pale skin. “Oh James, you’re all chafed –” He tucked himself into James’s newly freed arms, kissing the offended wrists. Fury coiled deep in the commodore’s green eyes, making them all take a step back, but evidently his ire was cooled by the blacksmith wriggling in his lap.
“C’mon,” said Will enthusiastically, managing to get them both standing without removing his mouth from James’s neck. “I’ve got salve – oil – whatever,” he panted, backing James up towards the small first mate’s cabin that had become vacant when Elizabeth coaxed Anamaria into sharing Jack’s roomier sanctuary.
James went willingly, but he turned at the door to point an accusatory finger at the remaining three. “This is a den of sin and vice,” he intoned before Will yanked him inside.
With a snort, Anamaria flicked a rude gesture at the slammed door. “As if they’re not gettin’ up to all manner of mischief in there.”
“I rather like it, though,” Jack mused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “I’ll be sin and you can be vice,” he said to Elizabeth.
She put her hands on her hips and stuck her tongue out. “I want to be sin.”
“An’ you are, darlin’, make no mistake ‘bout that,” said Jack with a sultry wink. He cast a look at the closed door opposite his own cabin, which was already emitting moans and the protesting squeak of a hammock being put to ill use. Elizabeth caught how his eyes darkened and she turned, sampling the salty taste of Anamaria’s neck and reaching out to tug at Jack’s belt.
“Surely we won’t be out done? It’s three to two, after all.”
Anamaria scowled at Jack as he chanced a kiss to her shoulder. “Mayhap ‘m not in th’ mood.”
“Please,” Elizabeth purred.
“We’ll be good,” Jack added, sidling around to press his cheek to Elizabeth’s. “Very good.”
Anamaria backed away quickly. “Not the damned deer eyes. Swear I dunno which one of ye's worse.”
“ChristalmightyWill - Will!” came the shout from the occupied cabin.
Anamaria raised a speculative eyebrow at it as Jack and Elizabeth batted long eyelashes at her. “Three t’ two, eh?”