Chapter Text
TW: Blood, knives, self-harm, self-dislike, guilt, crying, fear of replacement,
Omg Belos realizing he's doing things wrong since when? Good Belos AU.
Hunter sucked a breath between his teeth as he wrapped the bandage around his scarred wrist, the sting growing. One wrist was cleaned and wrapped. Another one to go. He reached back for another of the disinfectant pads he'd taken from the medical wing, opening it and pressing it to his wrists.
Small droplets of blood slowly dripped down the joint muscle, swallowing a shaky breath of freezing air at the sight. Hunter finally blinked and to his surprise, found himself crying.
Hunter reached his cared-for wrist to wipe away the tears making their way down his cheeks, shaking his head slightly as he finished wrapping his other wrist. He looked down at the sink to see it was filled with blood water, the blade he'd used was lying in the sink, slick with his own blood.
He felt like puking at the sight, the bright red blood spilled all over the pristine white. He took another shaking breath, going to reach for a towel to clean the blood.
It was late at night, but Hunter would have no way to know that. He didn't know it, but he'd been in there all day. Stuck in a constant loop of dragging the blade across his wrists, stopping the bleeding, and going over the cuts again. In a sick way, it helped.
The pressure he felt to find some way to help his uncle and catch more Palismen- it was a lot for a teenager. But then again, Hunter had always been a teen prodigy, and always surprised other people with how much he could handle. If only they knew what he had resorted to in order to manage the stress. A gasp tore from his throat when there was a knock at the bathroom door.
Fuck- of course. Emperor Belos or someone else at least was bound to become suspicious of something going on. Hunter didn't bother to keep track of the hour during the time he'd spent in the bathroom. He did this every once in a while, waiting for a day that Belos was busy enough that he wouldn't notice his nephew practically disappearing for an entire day.
The Emperor wasn't too busy that day, but Hunter just couldn't handle it for much longer, and he had found time to slip away without realizing how long he'd spent there.
"Golden Guard? Are you in there?" Kikimora's voice came from the other side, and Hunter felt like ripping off his ears.
"Yes, I'm fine!" He called, thanking the Titan that his voice didn't crack.
Silence. Then, "Are you certain? You've been in there all day."
"Y-es! I'm fine." Dammit. His voice had cracked that time, and now Hunter was certain Kiki knew that she knew something else was going on.
"I don't believe you," Kiki said curtly, her footsteps already disappearing down the hall, "I'm going to fetch Emperor Belos."
Hunter panicked. "NO! Don't, please-."
"Why not?" Kiki asked snarkily, though it wasn't really a question at all. "Are you doing something in there? Something bad you don't want Emperor Belos to find?"
Hunter could hear the suspicion in her voice grow, and fear permeated him. "No, I just," he gasped a breath, "Please don't."
Kiki was caught off guard by the panic in the boy's voice, though she was still suspicious. She left without another word, not regarding his soft pleas for her to not get the emperor.
After fetching the emperor, Kiki had then been instructed to leave them and then warned not to eavesdrop again. It caught her off guard once again, but she did as told and left the man alone with his nephew.
"Hunter." Belos called sharply, "Come here."
Hunter was panicking, to say the least. He was trying desperately to wipe the blood from the counter, only succeeding in smearing it around even more. At the same time, he was also trying to yank his sleeves down his arms but yelped in pain when it resulted in pain shooting through his veins. Belos startled slightly at the sound of pain.
"Hunter, come out here. Something is wrong."
Fuck- now he knew. As if he didn't already know before. Of course, Hunter failed at hiding this, failing seemed to be becoming his specialty.
"Just give me a moment-," Hunter said hurriedly, trying in vain to get the bloody water out of the sink and now off the counter.
Hunter didn't even realize his wrists had begun to bleed again, soaking through his sleeves and dripping down onto the counter and making an even worse mess for the poor teen to clean up.
"Something's wrong," Belos stated firmly, going to try and open the door, only to find it wouldn't open. "Hunter, why is the door locked? What is the matter with you? Open this door right now."
"B-but, please don't, Uncle, please don't come in!"
Belos didn't listen. Belos easily opened the door with his magic, only to find his nephew bent over the sink that was overflowing with bloody water. Hunter was frantically trying to clean blood from the counter and trying to drain the water.
"Uncle!" Hunter yelped, turning to look at the man with wide, terrified violet eyes. He shivered visibly and let out a choked noise. "I-I-."
Belos came forward with a stride in his step, allowing himself to tower over the shaking teen. To his horror, he didn't just find the blood-filled sink and splattered counter but also found that Hunter's sleeves were being soaked through with dark red crimson blood. He gasped softly.
"Hunter!" Belos boomed, again using his magic to close the door in order to give the two more privacy in this type of situation. Hunter let out a dry sob and choked on air. "What on the Boiling Isles are you doing!?"
Belos wrapped his arms around the boy from behind, pulling him away from the sink and turning him around to face away from the sink. Belos wrapped his hands around the boy's shoulders, staring into the tear-filled eyes.
"Hunter, what were you thinking?"
A dripping sound caught both their attention, and they both looked down to see that the blood was beginning to drip down from Hunter's sleeves. Belos gasped almost inaudibly. "Hunter! What have you done to yourself!?"
Belos practically dragged him down, forcing Hunter to sit down on the toilet seat, who was staring at his own blood with terror.
Belos quickly grabbed a few other rolls of bandages to re-wrap the boy's arms, also using disinfectant wipes just in case. It took a while, but Hunter's arms had eventually stopped bleeding.
As he was bandaging the fresh wounds, Belos had lifted the boy's sleeve to check for others. To his horror, he found that scars, some old, some new, trailed up Hunter's entire arm.
"Oh, Titan, Hunter..." the emperor muttered, his voice breathy with fear Hunter had never heard before in his voice. He had fucked up really bad, he must have for the emperor of all people to be showing fear like this.
"Why would you do this?" Belos asks, and it all comes tumbling out.
Hunter sobbed, the wave of pent-up pain and emotions finally rolling out all over, filling his lungs with salty seawater and suffocating him. His lungs begged for a breath of air that wasn't polluted by the salty tide of sadness. He had kept the sea in his stomach for so long, ignoring it as if rumbled and cried. Now it pushed up his esophagus, into his throat, and out his mouth.
He tried to speak, but his mouth was filled with salt as well. It scratched his throat and made him cough violently.
The sea built in his belly had long threatened to drown him, but now it goes through with its threat.
Now Hunter is drowning, salty water filling his body and polluting his very soul. Disgusting. No wonder Belos had switched him out. No wonder he needed to be replaced. He was weak and stupid, he couldn't even manage to hide the sickening hobby. Belos must be so disappointed in him. Hunter felt the urge to puke at the thought.
"I-I'm sorry," he sobbed, voice cracking. Pathetic. "I'm s-so sorry! I-I didn't know- I-I just-."
Hunter couldn't seem to get a proper sentence out. Belos shushed him softly, pulling the boy close. Hunter allowed his head to thump against the emperor's chest, sobs and pleas for forgiveness still falling from his lips. Belos didn't pay much mind to what was being said, as it all sounded like gibberish at the moment.
Belos simply pulled the teen closer and sat the two of them on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, sobs still echoing off the walls.
Belos was never good at comforting people, but he had to try right now. For Hunter's sake.
"Don't be sorry," he placates, his voice softer than it previously was. Hunter sobbed again at it. Those stupid tears just wouldn't stop, they just kept coming and refused to slow down.
It was a long time, so much so that Kikimora had come to check on the emperor more than once before being told to leave them alone for the rest of the time.
Hunter's eyes were blank and listless, just staring off into space. His head was still pressed to Belos chest, the man reluctantly running a hand through the blonde locks. Belos was naturally repulsed by physical contact, but now he let Hunter wrap his arms around him.
"Hunter," Belos hummed lowly, "Why would you do this to yourself?"
He felt Hunter become tense in his embrace, but the shaking from before had dulled into a meer shiver.
"W-will you be mad at me?" The teen asks under his breath as if he was frightened of the answer.
"No?" Belos raised a brow under his mask, "I just want to know why you would do this to yourself."
Hunter took a shuddering breath before he began. "W-well, with everything..like, all the stuff with the Palismen, your curse, being switched out with Kikimora." He took another breath, "I know I'm selfish for this, but..it was just a lot. I couldn't really handle it so..." he gestured to his cuts, "I'm sorry. I know it's weak, I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Belos said in a smooth, calm voice. "I suppose all this might be a lot, especially for someone your age. It's..regretful that you've turned to such a habit in order to cope. Come on, we're heading to your room."
Hunter nodded but stumbled out of exhaustion when he tried to stand. Belos wrapped an arm around the boy again, assisting him to his room.
Up in the teen's room, the emperor had a new matter to discuss with his nephew.
"So," Belos breathed, "Let's talk about your workload. Do you think it would help if it was a bit lighter? If you had less to worry about?"
Hunter thought for a moment, staring at his feet before he nodded. "Y-yeah, I think that might help."
"Alright, so I'd think I could give off other responsibilities of yours to someone else. Would you prefer keeping or giving away the responsibility of hunting the palismen?"
Hunter thought for only a moment before giving his answer. "I want to continue hunting the palismen. I want to help you, and the curse."
Belos nodded once more. "I understand. You do understand by keeping this responsibility that you're forfeiting other missions? I'd still send you on some if there's a reason for it."
Hunter frowned at this. "But- I want to be useful, I want to do as much as I can. I don't want to be replaced."
Belos sighed. "Hunter, you're not being replaced. I could never dream of such a thing. Considering..this..lessening your load might improve your mental health."
"I understand," Hunter said solemnly, not quite convinced of this, but willing to accept it just for the time being.
"Now, let's talk about coping mechanisms. Why did you start..doing this to yourself?"
Hunter looked down again, no words coming from his opened mouth.
"I don't know really...It just made me feel better, I guess. It felt kinda like a relief when I did."
Belos looked at the boy for a moment, before breathing out another sigh. "Well, we should find you some other way to cope. Is there anything you enjoy doing? Like another hobby?"
Hunter thought for a moment. "Not sure, but I'm willing to try something new."
"That's all I ask. Any suggestions?"
"Um...like a pet, maybe? I read once that they're good for mental health."
"That's a possibility. What type of pet though? It couldn't be too high-maintenance. You still have duties to attend to."
Hunter looked up at the ceiling, lost in his own thought. "I think birds are pretty cool. They're cute too."
This was perfect. Hunter could keep his palismen in the castle with him, and care for it without worrying about what would happen if Belos or someone else found out. As long as it didn't turn into the staff in front of others, it should be fine.
"That could work. Do you have an idea of where to get one?"
Hunter thought up a lie on the spot. "Well, maybe. This little red bird has been landing on my window a lot. It lets me pet it sometimes."
"Interesting," Belos says, and Hunter wonders for a moment if his uncle already knew the truth of his palismen. Then he sees the genuine wonder in the man's eyes, and he relaxes when he realizes the lie had been bought.
"So, should it be captured, then?"
Hunter shook his head. "No. I don't want to catch it, that would be cruel. Maybe feed it so it comes around more or just get another?"
Belos nodded in return. "That could also work. Maybe I should meet the creature sometime."
Hunter felt a small smark of fear. He hoped that it didn't expose itself and turn into the staff in front of his uncle. That could be another reason to get another bird. Something that wasn't a palismen, and that was used to being inside and was bred to be a pet. Hunter would feel terrible to keep the palismen in a cage. To take it away from the home it'd known its entire life.
The guilt had never crossed him before when capturing the things, but maybe he felt pity for this one because it had stayed with him, even as he treated it poorly. Up until now, Hunter had merely thought of the palismen as dangerous creatures that the emperor needed for his curse, for whatever reason.
"Maybe." Hunter agreed quickly, just to keep himself from seeming suspicious in any way.
Hunter felt overly tired all of a sudden. It was like all the exhaustion off the past few years of pressure had combined with the blood loss and dreariness had all come crashing down upon the teens head all at once at that moment.
He let out a yawn, catching Belos' attention. He smiled unconsciously under the mask.
"Sorry," the teen apologized, slightly embarrassed.
"You should rest," Belos says matter-of-factly, and Hunter nods his agreement.
His eyelids began to droop, rubbing at them with the heel of his hand.
Hunter flops back onto the bed, rolling over onto his side and falling asleep relatively quickly.
Belos watched the boy, only now realizing the bags under his nephew's eyes. He knew the effect the pressure and workload might've had on a kid his age, but he had assumed Hunter could handle it. Looking back now, Belos could see it was foolish of him to simply assume what Hunter could and couldn't handle without even consulting him.
For whatever reason, Belos had removed the boy's gloves and chest plate, along with his shoes. Then, he'd pulled the sheets from under Hunter and pulled them over him. He felt the fabric with his fingers, realizing it was quite thin. He frowned at this. He should get Hunter new ones. He never complained about it, and Belos rarely, if ever came to the teen's room. If he needed Hunter, he'd always just call him.
Belos feels guilty as he gazed at the boy. His face looked so peaceful, and Belos can't remember the last time he saw him in such a calm state.
The stress line that usually lined his face was gone, his mouth parted slightly. His chest raised and fell with his steady breathing. Reluctantly, he runs a hand once through the two-toned blonde hair. He smiled once more.
Belos remembered the bloody sink, and he thinks he should go and clean it up before Kiki or someone else wandered in and panicked.
He stood, and made his way to the mess of a bathroom.
Belos tried to drain the sink, only to find it was clogged with clots of blood. Huge clots of blood stick to the side of the sink, the floor wet with the water that had overflowed from the faucet. The blood is splattered over the counter on either side of the sink, a sickening shade of crimson. Belos feels sick as he cleans the blood. Hunter's blood.
The garbage can is soon filled with previously clear wipes turned red.
Finally, finally, after so long scrubbing at dried blood and trying to get the clots out of the drain, it was finally clean. The water was gone, as was all the blood. It looked as if nothing had happened, though Belos was sure he would never forget what had happened in there that night.
As he cleaned, Belos thought over..everything. Back to Hunter's thin sheets between his fingers. He never complained about them. The work overload. Hunter had just taken it all and never once complained, and never told anyone when he finally buckled under the pressure. Belos felt guilty. Hunter didn't tell him, most likely because he didn't want to feel like a burden. The thought broke Belos' heart to think about.
Belos remember back to all the years previous. He only realized now how badly Hunter had yearned for his attention and validation. How hard he tried to make Belos proud, how hard he tried to show his appreciation for being taken in.
But Belos never paid mind. He simply dismissed him out of hand. Neglected him, and he can't imagine how much pain he must've put the poor kid through. No wonder Hunter had been so scared of being replaced. All he ever wanted was to make Belos proud, to feel appreciated. Belos never gave it to him. He never provided the care a child needed.
He felt like crying at the thought, and he rarely, if ever, felt that way.
"Kiki!" He called, and she was quickly by his side. "Yes, my Leigh?"
"Throw all this out." He gestured to the trash can, and Kiki's eyes widened. "My lord, what-"
"Don't ask." Belos cuts her off harshly. "Just do it."
A beat of silence. Then, "Of course, sir."
Then Belos returned to Hunter's room.
He closed the door silently, sitting on the side of the bed.
An uncharacteristically gentle hand runs along Hunter's scar on his cheek as if Belos thought he could heal the years of pain with that single, meaningless touch. He wishes it was that simple.
But no, he had fucked up his relationship with the boy, and now he needed to fix it. It would take time. So much time. Not only that but reassurance as well.
Belos sighed, he was in for a long process. But he had to do this, for what he did to Hunter. Reassurance. He told himself. Patience. Then there was the matter of what to do about Hunter's obvious fear of being replaced. Belos thinks that might be a result of the lack of attention the kid received growing up. He should spend more time with Hunter, or at least make an effort to do so.
Maybe invite Hunter to see the door again, tell him more about the human realm. He seemed to have an interest in that. Look into different house birds.
Belos didn't notice he was crying until one tear slipped down his cheek.
He reached under the mask and rubbed the tears away, just before standing to leave the room.
Belos glances over his shoulder at the boy one last time from the door frame as he's leaving.
"I'm sorry," he says under his breath, before sighing once more. Yes, they were both in for a long process. But Belos was willing to go through with it, even if the only result was seeing Hunter happier.