Chapter Text
Akechi: Is something burning?
Rin: Just my love for you.
Akechi: Rin, the toaster is on fire.
Akechi: Where are you going?
Rin: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there
Akechi: Violence isn't the answer.
Rin: You’re right.
Akechi: *sighs in relief*
Rin: Violence is the question.
Akechi: What?
Rin, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Akechi, running after them: NO-
Akechi: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.
Rin: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?
Akechi: No! Four to five seconds!
Rin: Too late!!!
Akechi: How petty can you get?
Futaba: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.
Yusuke: I’m going to take you out
Futaba: great, it’s a date!
Yusuke: I meant that as a threat.
Futaba: See you at five!
Akechi: This is such a bad idea.
Futaba: Then why are you coming along?
Akechi: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.
Akechi: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?
Futaba: Stop romanticizing the past.
Akechi: So what do you do?
Ann: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers.
Akechi: Wow, impressive.
Ann: Then I'll move on to Leos.
Akechi: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Ann: That's why I carry two swords.
Akechi: Ann... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Ann: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Akechi: ...
Akechi: I wrote sanitize, Ann.
Akechi: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!
Ann: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!
Akechi: ...
Akechi: Ann, what the fu-
Hifumi: Am I in trouble?
Rin: Take a guess.
Hifumi: No?
Rin: Take another guess.
Hifumi: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Rin: Hifumi, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.
Akechi: Croissants: dropped
Sae: Road: works ahead
Rin: BBQ sauce: on my titties
Ryuji: Shavacado: fre
Morgana: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Yusuke:
Yusuke, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
Rin: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Futaba: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents
Rin: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
Sae: Actually I did the math, Futaba would have $225, not $0.15.
Futaba: Fam I’m right here....
Yusuke: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
Rin: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Yusuke: Sorry I only have a dollar
Rin: :(
Sae: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Futaba would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent
Yusuke: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice
Sae: You can buy anything you want with $22,500
Ryuji: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice
Sae: Apply juice to what
Akechi: Directly to the forehead
Futaba: Great chat everyone
*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*
Rin: Thanks fam!
Futaba: oh no
Akechi: *cries* I love you too
Yusuke: Sounds fake but okay
Ryuji: *A flustered mess*
Sae: can i get a refund
Ann, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!
Ryuji: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.
Ann: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Ryuji: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Ann: Absolutely not.
Ann: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]
Ryuji: What's that?
Ann: Remorse code.
Ryuji: I'm even angrier now.
Ann: Am I going too far?
Ryuji: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.
Rin: You love me, right, Akechi?
Akechi: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.
Futaba: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you
Yusuke: 10 times 0 is still 0 though
Futaba: Jokes on you, I can't do math
Ann: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Morgana: You need to stop.
Futaba: *Accidentally hits Yusuke in the face*
Futaba: *Trying to decide between saying 'I’m fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*
Futaba: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Yusuke: What’s wrong with you?!
Futaba: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming
Yusuke: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak
Futaba, pointing: May I sit there?
Yusuke: That's my lap
Futaba: That doesn't answer my question, Yusuke.
Futaba: Top 30 reasons why Futaba is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!
Yusuke: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!