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They had been talking regularly since Christmas. Late night phone calls when they couldn’t sleep. She’d be able to sleep soundly after a twenty minute conversation with him. It was something so simple. Just hearing his voice. Knowing he was there. It helped her get through the nights sometimes.
Olivia woke up early one Saturday before she had to get Noah to dance class and was slowly getting around to wake up and feed her son before they headed out. She was mixing the pancake batter for her sleepy son as her phone started to ring.
“Hey,” she said into the phone as she dried her hands off. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “I was just wondering if you were free this morning?”
“I have to take Noah to dance class, but after that I’m free,” she told him. “Why?”
“I’ve got to run some errands in the city,” he started, “and I was thinking we could get coffee?”
Olivia thought about it for a moment. It was just coffee. She didn’t need to overthink his offer for coffee. She was going to need it anyway might as well have it with Elliot.
“Sure,” she said, he could hear her smile and her his. “Noah has class at 9, but we could meet up after that. Do you have a time limit?”
Olivia listened as Noah came out of his bedroom, still rather sleepy. She quickly made him his breakfast and the two of them headed out the door to dance class.
Olivia didn’t want to travel too far from Noah’s dance studio so she and Elliot would be able to make the most of the two hours of free time she had that morning. She was pleasantly surprised when he agreed to meet her on the Upper East Side.
Elliot was waiting for her as she walked into a little coffee shop on Third Avenue and 81st Street. He stood as she walked over to the table he had grabbed for the two of them. It was slightly awkward as they sat down. They were supposed to have this friendship where they could easily talk to each other, but this felt like something different. This was more. And even more shocking was that Olivia wasn’t scared of it.
“So what prompted this,” she finally asked him as they were handed their coffees.
Elliot shrugged. He didn’t know. He just wanted to see her. They were both so busy and hadn’t had time to finally catch up. He just wanted to be near her. That was what prompted the offer.
“I wanted to ask you how the last ten years have gone,” he said. “Ten years is a long time. You’ve been promoted several times. Noah. You’ve dated.” She laughed at him.
“You’ve circled back to that question,” she laughed.
“I am curious,” he told her. He wanted to be completely sure that she wasn’t attached to anyone as he started to pursue her. “You said the man you thought you could have been with died.”
Olivia took a deep breath. She had been debating whether or not she’d tell him that she’d dated Ed Tucker. She didn’t know how he’d react to that information. He’d find out eventually, but was right there in a coffee shop the time and place to do it?
“Ed Tucker,” she finally said.
Elliot nearly spat out his coffee. He could not believe that Olivia had dated Tucker. “What? The same Ed Tucker who tried to put both of us in prison?”
She started to say something, but stopped herself before simply stating, “You only ever saw him as the enemy at IAB. He was a good man, Elliot.”
“He’d have to be, to date you,” Elliot told her. “You deserve the best, Liv. It just shocked me, I guess.”
Olivia’s cheeks started to blush. “So you don’t want to hear about Cassidy?”
“I regret this line of questioning,” Elliot chuckled as he watched her slowly sip her coffee. “New topic. Noah. I mean, is he…”
“Cassidy’s,” she teased him. Olivia chuckled at the look on his face and decided to give him a break. “He’s adopted. I saved him while we were working on a case. I was at every court date and the judge finally just asked me if I wanted to foster him. He’d been bounced around so much when he was a baby that he has health issues now, but we’re happy.”
“I am so happy for you, Liv,” Elliot started, “I know how much you always wanted a family. Whoever that judge was saw what everyone else didn’t. You were meant to be a mom.”
“Thank you,” she told him. “You know when things were rough with him, the two of us have gone through a lot in eight years. Even when I was with Ed, I wanted to talk to you. Actually there were a lot of times over the past ten years when I wanted or needed to talk to you. And you weren’t there.”
“I know,” he said, “and I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am that I wasn’t there. Every time I picked up the phone to call you I felt like too much time had passed and you wouldn’t pick up anyways.”
“About how many?”
“What?”
“How many times do you think you picked up the phone to call me?”
Elliot paused as he thought. The truth was he nearly called her once a week for years. Any time something happened. Eli starting school. When he could finally converse in Italian. Any time he and Kathy would fight. He went to call her.
“I have no idea,” Elliot admitted truthfully. “Anytime something good or bad happened. In the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep. When I’d see something that reminded me of you.”
Olivia’s heart skipped and her breathing stopped for a moment. He’d been thinking of her just as much as she had him. She looked into his eyes and saw how much regret he was feeling. But there was something else. She had always been able to read him, but she couldn’t put her finger on whatever was going on behind his eyes that morning.
The two sat there in silence for a few minutes. Neither knowing where to go from there. There was a heaviness looming over their heads as they continued to sip their coffee.
“Promotions,” Elliot finally prompted.
“Sergeant in 2013 when Munch left. Lieutenant in 2015. Captain in 2019,” she said plainly.
“Figures,” Elliot chuckled, earning him a questioning look shot across the table. “I just mean, of course Cragen made you number two when Munch left and of course everyone saw your abilities to lead and just kept promoting you. I’d expect nothing less. Liv, I’m so proud of you.”
“I am too,” she said. “There were far too many times I didn’t think I could do it.”
“Not a chance,” he said with a smile. “I firmly believe that there is nothing Olivia Benson cannot do.”
Olivia chuckled at him. She loved seeing him like this. He was lighter than he had been in months. She knew that he didn’t get the closure he had wanted with Wheatley, but he was doing better. He was able to really laugh and joke with her. Be there in this friendship. And whatever came after.
“El,” she started. Her heart beat kept speeding up. She wanted to tell him everything. Everything that he’d missed the past ten years. Not to punish him, but because she wanted him to know who she is now. How much she had changed in ten years. She looked up from her coffee cup and saw his soft blue eyes staring into her. So loving and kind. “A lot happened after you left. And I need you to know that, if we keep doing whatever this is, there are going to be times that I get triggered. It’s hard to talk about all of it, but…”
“Liv,” Elliot interjected at her pause, “you do not have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I don’t know what happened. And from what I gather you’ve been to hell and back a few times. Whenever you’re ready and if you never are, I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere this time.”
Olivia let out the breath she had been holding as he spoke. He’d been back for nearly a year at this point and she hadn’t been able to trust him fully again. He’d been hiding from her and going off half cocked. But the tone in his voice was so concerned. So loving and present that she knew he wasn’t lying. That he was there.
Elliot reached across the table and took her hand in his own. Hoping that he could ground her the way she did him. The way she looked at him told him that he could. He just wanted her to feel safe.
“Why did you go,” she asked him. “You left me here. Alone. After Cragen told me I broke down in one of the interrogation rooms.”
“I couldn’t do the job anymore,” he said honestly. “I’d shot too many people. Seen too many dead kids. That day with Jenna, it was just too much so I ran.”
“It was like a part of me was ripped away.”
“I know. It killed me not being able to talk to you, but if I had I would have come running back,” he said quickly. “You were my anchor here. No one else. For twelve years you were the one person I could always count on. And I blew it.”
“Eh, it’s a good thing I give out second chances,” she chuckled.
“I'm glad you do,” Elliot started, “I know I’m not getting a third.”
“No, you’re not.”
Elliot laughed as she spoke and sipped her coffee. “I missed you. So much, Liv.”
“I missed you too. I still do sometimes.” The two didn’t speak for a moment.
Elliot emptied his cup and set it off to the side and picked at one of the pastries he’d ordered for them. He didn’t know how much time they had. He didn’t really have anything too important to do in the city. Just general errands, but he knew she had to go get Noah and figured she’d take him for lunch after. Elliot wanted as much time with her as he could possibly get.
There was something about Olivia Benson. She was magnetic. Everyone who spoke to her just felt at home and at ease. She had a heart that you couldn’t help but fall in love with. And as Elliot sat there looking into her deep brown eyes his love for her crashed over him like a wave. He’d said the words to her, but not in the best situation. He loved her. He loved her more than he had loved anyone in his life. He had loved his wife, but it wasn’t the pure unadulterated love that he felt for Olivia. It was like his heart knew that it was supposed to be tied to hers for eternity. You don’t get to choose who you love and he had hated himself for loving her while he was married for so long, but now he could love her openly. Take her to coffee without guilt or fear. Talk to her and have deep conversations that he didn’t feel like he should be having while he was married to another woman. No, he could just be with her. Be around her. Try with her. Love her.
“Elliot,” she said and took a long deep breath, “I need you to be honest with me. We both know you don’t have errands.” He started to speak, but she put her hand up. “I don’t care that you made up an excuse, but you can’t ghost me again. For anything. No third chances. Because whatever this is, is really good. I do not want to lose it again.”
“Honesty, no matter if my sergeant screams at me,” Elliot said with a cheeky grin.
“I am a captain,” she returned his smile and the two of them broke into laughter. Real laughter. As they continued to laugh Olivia’s phone alarm went off signaling that she needed to start heading back to the dance studio so she was there before the end of class. “I have to go.”
“Can I walk you,” Elliot asked as they stood and he helped her with her coat.
“I’d like that,” she said and they headed back towards Noah’s dance studio.
Their walk was comfortable. Elliot was fighting the urge to take her hand. They’d held hands before, but it was moments of comfort not intimacy. He caught her grinning as they continued down 76th Street.
“What,” he asked her knowing she was about to tease him for something.
She didn’t say anything, but he did feel her hand slowly entwine with his. He smiled. He should have guessed that she knew. That, maybe, she wanted to too. And they walked in silence until Olivia stopped outside of the studio.
“This is it,” she said.
“Olivia, my friend, I’d like to continue to do this,” Elliot said. “Coffee while Noah is at class on Saturday mornings. Would that be something you’d be willing to do?”
Olivia paused for a moment before speaking. He was trying so hard. She stood there holding his hand, standing close to him. She could smell his aftershave. It was intoxicating. “I’d really like that, my friend, Elliot.”
“Alright, same time and place next week,” he asked her.
“Sounds like a plan,” Olivia said and smiled up at him.
Neither of them knew how to say goodbye, but Olivia had to get upstairs to pick up Noah. “I have to go,” she finally said and tugged his hand. “But I’ll see you next weekend.”
“Good,” he said to her. “I enjoyed today. I’m glad you agreed to it. I’m looking forward to next weekend.”
“Me too,” Olivia said and started walking into the building slowly letting her hand slide from his. Not wanting to let go.
Elliot watched as Olivia disappeared into the building. He just smiled as he turned and walked away.
‘This was the start,’ he thought. It was the start of something more between them. She was starting to trust him again. It was all he wanted. He knew he still had a very long way to go, but he wasn’t going to stop trying. Keep asking questions and learning about her now. What she’s been through. He was excited to finally be able to love her and be with her. Maybe everything was going to turn out just the way both of them wanted it to.