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“Hi.”
“Aah!” Janis yelps. “Fucking hell, Regina, don’t do that.”
“Sorry. I thought you heard me coming,” Regina replies sheepishly, massaging the back of her neck with her hand. “Um… can we talk?”
“This isn’t another apology, is it? I’ve had enough of those for a fucking lifetime.”
“Not this time,” Regina confirms. Janis nods and looks at her expectantly. “You want to talk here?”
“What’s wrong with here?”
“This is kind of personal,” Regina mumbles. “There’s people here.”
“Ugh,” Janis sighs. “Come on, then.”
Regina yelps as Janis grabs her wrist and hauls her off to the ladies’ room. Janis plops her bag on the shelf by the window and kicks every stall door open with her clunky boots to make sure they’re completely alone.
“Okay, we have, like, maybe two minutes before Damian comes crashing into here to see what I’m up to, so, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
“Um… uh…” Regina stutters. “You know what, never mind, have a good day-“
“Oh, hell no,” Janis replies, grabbing the strap of Regina’s designer bag and hauling her back into the room. “You said you had something to say, say it. Come on.”
“…Ihavefeelingsforyou.” Regina spits out hastily, wrapping her arms around herself for protection and refusing to look Janis in the eye.
“You what now?”
“I have feelings for you,” Regina repeats quietly, taking a protective step away.
“Like…”
“Yes, romantic ones,” Regina mumbles, flushing bright pink and turning away.
“I- wow,” Janis chuckles. “Um…”
“Look, I know you don’t feel the same, I just… I wanted to tell you, I’m sorry-“
“Whoa! Whoa, Regina,” Janis says hastily. “Um… how do… okay, look. I’m not upset you have feelings for me. I’ve definitely had them for you in the past. And I’m open to something between us. I think. I just… need some time. To process some stuff, you know?”
“I know,” Regina whispers with a nod. She sighs heavily, in a desperate attempt to work up the courage to speak again. “You-you’ll think about it?”
“I’ll think about it,” Janis confirms. “This isn’t necessarily a no. It’s just a… not yet, okay?”
“Okay,” Regina nods. The bell rings, echoing through speakers above their heads and making them both jump. “You should get to class.”
“You coming?” Janis asks as she grabs her bag and tugs it over one shoulder. She never wears it over both. It’s cute, but Regina is worried she’ll give herself scoliosis. She has her own back problems to deal with.
“I’ll… um… I’ll be there in a bit,” Regina says, trying to keep the tremble from her voice.
“You’ll be late.”
“When have I ever cared about that?”
“Fair point,” Janis chuckles, flashing one of her infuriatingly smug, yet adorable smirks. “Later, Gina.”
“Bye, Jan.” Regina replies weakly. She waits for the door to close before she practically collapses into the sink. “Fuck.”
Cady’s ‘stupid with love’ catchphrase makes much more sense, now.
—————
“Janis!”
“Hey, Cads,” Janis greets as her best friend comes running up to her. “Mathletes day?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Cady says, sheepishly tugging on the hem of her blue polo. “Can I talk to you?”
“You’re not in love with me, too, are you?”
“How did- wait, what?! Too?!”
“Oh my god,” Janis sighs. “Come on.”
This cannot be happening, she thinks to herself as she hauls Cady by the hand to the art classroom. Both of them. In one day. Holy shit.
Luckily, the art room is vacant when they arrive. Janis kicks the door shut behind them and turns to face her friend. “Alright, what did you want to talk about?”
“You… kind of guessed it,” Cady replies sheepishly. “You remember how Aaron and I broke up a while ago?” Janis nods. “I ended it with him because I had feelings for someone else. And that someone else is… you.”
“Christ,” Janis mutters under her breath. “Okay, that’s… cool, um…”
“That’s ‘cool’?” Cady giggles. “Seriously?”
“I’m overwhelmed, shut up,” Janis huffs. “Okay, um… I’m not gonna lie and say I’ve never crushed on you. But I have a lot on my plate right now, and a lot to think about. I think I’d like something between us, I just… need to think about it first, okay?”
“Okay,” Cady nods. “As long as you’ll think about it. I understand.”
“Thanks, Caddy,” Janis grins. “I’ll see you in English.”
“You’re not coming to lunch?” Cady calls after her as Janis sets off down the hallway.
“Not today!” Janis yells back.
“Oh. Okay.”
Great, I’m stupid with love again.
—————-
Damian is halfway seated at their usual lunch table when he gets a series of texts from Janis.
gaylien: i need advice
gaylien: pls
gaylien: i’m by our tree
So, Damian pockets his phone once more and heads to the small wooded area behind the baseball fields. It’s quiet, and out of sight. They discovered it back in sophomore year as a place to hide whenever Janis had a panic attack.
He makes it to the tree they had carved their initials into that first day, and finds Janis lying facedown in the dirt. “That bad, huh?”
Janis just groans. Damian grabs the back of her shirt and hauls her up like a mama cat grabbing a kitten. Janis pouts as she’s sat upright and propped against the tree. “I liked it there.”
“You look dusty,” Damian replies, handing over some of his makeup wipes. Janis begrudgingly takes them and swipes the leftover dirt from her face. “Okay. On a scale of one to Les Mis, how dramatic is this?”
“Like… Wattpad story? Like a nine?” Janis shrugs.
“Oh, shit,” Damian says. He sits down across from her and unwraps his sandwich. “Tell Mama Damian your troubles.”
“Regina and Caddy are both in love with me.”
Damian chokes on his first bite. Janis helpfully scoots over and thumps him on the back. “Okay. Okay, okay, cool. Cool cool cool. How do we know this?”
“They both told me,” Janis mumbles. “Regina told me before first period, and Cady told me, like, ten minutes ago.”
“Okay,” Damian says again. “Um.”
“I know,” Janis groans. “The fuck do I do? I have to pick between them.”
“You don’t have to,” Damian says. “If you don’t feel anything, or don’t feel ready, nothing says you have to start dating either of them. They’d both want you to be happy.”
“I don’t know what I feel, anymore,” Janis sighs, massaging the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. Damian gently pats her on the back. “I’ve had feelings for both of them in the past. And… I think I might, still. I just don’t know what those feelings are, anymore. Or who to pick.”
“Okay, well… I can’t tell you what your feelings are,” Damian begins. “That’s for you to work through alone, unfortunately. I know your heart, but not your mind.”
Janis chuckles, more a loud exhale than anything, and leans into him.
“But… in the event the feelings you have are romantic,” he continues. “Then you have a big decision to make. You’ve been through a lot with both of them. Shall we discuss?”
“I guess,” Janis sighs, crawling into his lap and resting her head on his shoulder.
“Okay. Let’s start with Regina,” Damian offers. Janis nods. “We both know the biggest con.” Janis laughs outright at that, and nods. “So, there’s that. But, she has apologized. She’s clearly changed and working to be a better person. Even Gretchen isn’t really scared of her anymore, and we both know that’s pretty major. You guys grew up together, you know each other. You have history together. And she’s, like, smoking hot.”
“That’s true,” Janis agrees quietly. “What about Caddy?”
“Little Slice is a different story,” Damian says gently. “She hurt you a lot, too. I haven’t seen you that torn up since eighth grade. She did a lot of bullshit stuff.” Janis nods. “But, again, she apologized, and is actively working to repair your relationship. She patched up our relationship with the Plastics, which we swore up and down the wall we’d never do. She fits with us, with you. She’s brilliant, and she could take care of you. You guys have… a lot of chemistry, if I do say so myself. And she’s so cute. You have a pretty major decision on your hands.”
Janis is quiet, tossing Damian’s words around in her mind like darts and seeing which ones stick. Damian watches and can practically see the gears turning behind her eyes.
“Can we just stay here for the rest of the day?” Janis asks eventually.
“Of course, Medium Slice.”
—————-
Janis gives herself a full day to think it over. She spends a significant amount of it facedown in the dirt again, but she swore Damian to secrecy.
After a fitful night’s sleep, she makes her decision.
—————
ending one- cadnis
“Hey, Caddy,” Janis greets. Cady whirls around with a significant quantity of banana muffin in her mouth. “Need a second?”
Cady nods and chews as fast as she can. Janis chuckles and grins at her affectionately. Cady finally swallows and gives her a shy smile. “Sorry. Did you want something?”
“Just to talk, it’s okay. How’s the muffin?”
“Really good! Do you want some?” Cady asks, offering Janis the other half. Janis skipped breakfast, but she never has to worry as long as Cady is around.
“Sure. Thanks, Cads,” she chuckles, pinching off a chunk and popping it in her mouth. Cady follows as they start walking to the art classroom.
“So what did you want to talk about?” Cady asks, hopping up onto a counter and tilting her head curiously.
“Yesterday,” Janis replies. Cady deflates a bit.
“Oh. That was quick.”
“Changed your mind?” Janis asks in concern.
“No! No,” Cady amends hastily. “Of course not. I’m just worried.”
“I am too, it’s okay,” Janis chuckles. “Um… I have feelings for you too. I have since we met. We just… went through a lot together, you know? And then you got with Aaron, and we got really close as friends. I didn’t want to ruin that, so I kind of… tamped it down, I guess. But now I know you like me too, I’m… so happy.”
“Oh,” Cady says quietly, sitting up a little straighter and giving the most beautiful, delighted smile Janis has ever seen. “You like me back?”
“Yeah,” Janis confirms, approaching Cady’s perch on the counter slowly. Cady doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move, just smiles at her as she makes her way over. “I like you a whole lot.”
“Well, that’s handy,” Cady grins, wrapping her arms around Janis’ shoulders. Janis’ hands come to rest on her waist. “Can I kiss you?”
“Hell yeah,” Janis purrs, pressing up a bit. Cady tips down, and sighs in relief and contentment as their lips brush gently for the first time.
Janis can’t keep a smile off her lips as she finally, finally gets to kiss the girl she’s been crushing on for a whole year. Cady’s lips are so soft, and pliant beneath hers. She can faintly taste the watermelon chapstick Cady still uses, a holdover from her Plastic days, and smell the enchanting combination of cherries and rosewater perfume that swirl close around her. Janis can’t get enough.
Cady squeaks in surprise as Janis tugs her a bit closer, but shifts her grip to twine a hand into Janis’ hair and hold her shoulder with the other.
“What are you so smiley about?” she whispers against Janis’ lips when they finally have to break apart to breathe.
“Oh, I’m not allowed to be happy I have the cutest little redhead in my arms?” Janis retorts jokingly, pressing back up for another peck. “And she just so happens to be really good at kissing?”
Cady giggles and rests her forehead against Janis’. “You’re such a dork.”
“So are you, nerd,” Janis retaliates. She can see the corners of Cady’s eyes wrinkle as she gives another of her precious little smiles.
It’s quiet for a long moment, as they stare into each others’ eyes, and relish in the new connection between them.
Eventually, Cady pipes up again. “Jay?”
“Mm?”
“Yesterday,” Cady says quietly. “Before… before I told you. You said, ‘You’re not in love with me too.’ Who were you talking about?”
“Regina,” Janis sighs. “I’ll… have to tell her about this, at some point.”
“Are you sure?” Cady asks quietly. Her eyes dim slightly, and Janis can tell she’s putting on a brave face. “If she likes you, too, then… maybe you should be with her. She could take better care of you than I could.”
“But I don’t like her,” Janis says. “In that way. I thought about it, a lot. I had a crush on her back in middle school, but… after everything that happened between us, my feelings changed. I know she’s a better person now, and I’m honestly kind of into being her friend again. But anything romantic between us just… couldn’t happen. We’ve been through too much shit.”
“I see,” Cady nods. “If you’re sure you want me.”
“I have never been more sure of anything in my life, Caddy,” Janis purrs against her lips. Cady kisses her again, slow and sweet, before pulling back once more.
“Are we girlfriends now?”
“That certainly works for me,” Janis nods. “Come on, my brilliant girlfriend, we have a class to get to.”
Cady grins as Janis scoops her off the counter and carries her to the door, holding her hand all the way to French.
—————
ending two- rejanis
“Hey,” Janis greets quietly, walking up to the Plastics’ table at lunch. “Can we talk, Gina?”
Regina looks at her friends in terror, and only stands when they both nod frantically and point to Janis looming over her shoulder. Janis helpfully picks up her bag for her and leads them to the courtyard.
“What did you want to talk about?” Regina asks quietly, rubbing her arms in a ditch attempt to keep out the cold.
“Us,” Janis responds in the same tone. “Yesterday. I… I thought it over.”
“And?”
“And I want you,” Janis murmurs. “I’ve missed you, Ginny. I’ve missed us. I’ve always felt something for you. That… that never changed. Never left. I don’t know that it ever will.”
“After everything I did to you?” Regina asks sheepishly. “You still… you still want this? Want me?”
“After everything, how could I not?” Janis replies. “We grew up together, G. I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not still hurt by what happened. But this, this version of you is who I became friends with when we were little. Who I fell in love with. You’re back, Regina. I’ve wanted this for years. And now it’s… now it’s finally happening. I’ve never been happier.”
“Oh,” Regina says quietly. “I’ve always wanted you too, Jan. I’ll… I’ve regretted what-what happened between us since I did it. I’ve been in love with you for years. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Hey,” Janis says gently, cupping Regina’s cheeks in her callused hands. “I said no more apologies. We have a lot to work through. But let’s do it together, okay?”
Regina nods. “Okay. I wanna kiss you.”
“Be my guest,” Janis purrs, pulling Regina closer. Regina meets her halfway and winds her arms around Janis’ waist. Janis feels her grip her jacket like a lifeline, like Regina is a balloon that could float away to the heavens at any moment and Janis is the only thing keeping her tethered to earth.
Regina smells like coconut, and some expensive perfume Janis can’t put her finger on. And god, her lips. The only thing Janis can taste is home. She’s finally home.
“Okay, the heels aren’t gonna work,” Janis pants when they break apart with a gasp for breath. “You’re too tall.”
“You could wear them too,” Regina purrs, leaving a teasing peck against her lips. “We’re probably still the same size.”
“You are not turning me Plastic again,” Janis hums. “Nice to know you’re still cunning as ever.”
“I’ve been this way since we met, you said you were happy I’m back,” Regina teases. Janis kisses her again.
“I am. I haven’t been this happy since… since last time we were this close,” she whispers.
“I haven’t either,” Regina agrees softly. “So… what do you say to getting out of here and spending the rest of the day catching up?”
“I’d say that sounds tits,” Janis replies. “Let me just tell… oh.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Cady,” Janis sighs. “She… um… she has a thing for me, too. I’ll have to tell her about us, at some point. Sooner rather than later.”
“Oh,” Regina says sadly. “Are you sure you really want this, then?”
“What? Of course I do.”
“I’ve seen how you are with her,” Regina says gently. “Maybe she’d be better for you. She hasn’t hurt you the way I have. You’d have a fresh start with her.”
“I don’t want one,” Janis replies. “I like our history. I like what we’ve experienced together. You get me in a way she never could. And she’s like my sister, anyway, it’d just be… odd, with her. I don’t see her that way anymore. She’s just a good friend.”
“But-“
“Regina,” Janis says definitively. “I want this. Want us. I wouldn’t lie to you, and I wouldn’t lead you on if I didn’t want this. You know me, that’s the whole point. I don’t do that kind of shit. I have you, I want you. I want this. I wanna be with you, as long as you’ll have me.”
Regina nods, and reaches to lace their fingers together. Janis takes her hand with a fond smile as their hands are back in their same old familiar position.
“Our usual place?” Janis asks quietly as she leads them to the student parking lot. Regina looks at her with a wide, genuine smile. Janis doesn’t think anybody has seen that smile in years.
“Only if I can pay for our milkshake,” Regina replies, swinging their arms back and forth.
“As you wish,” Janis chuckles. “Come on.”
—————-
ending three- cadina
“I dunno how to tell them,” Janis mumbles anxiously as Damian leads her through the doors to the building. “I don’t wanna disappoint them.”
“Janjan, they both want you to be happy. They’ll understand,” Damian comforts. “Now’s your chance, it would seem.”
“Fuck,” Janis sighs. Cady is rooting through her locker for her morning books. Damian shoves Janis towards her with a final ‘comforting’ pat. “Uh… hey, Cads.”
“Oh, hi, Janis,” Cady greets brightly. It fades when she sees the look on her face. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Janis breathes. “I’m fine. Um…” she looks around to make sure nobody is listening before she breaks the news. “I thought about what we talked about yesterday. A lot. And I’m… I’m just not ready, I’m sorry.”
“Janis, hey,” Cady says gently. “I understand. If I’m being honest, I never expected you to feel the same, anyway. I just… I didn’t want to keep something like that from you. You deserved to know. Can we still be friends?”
“Yeah,” Janis nods, giving her a relieved smile. “Definitely. Thanks, Caddy.”
“Anytime. I’ll see you later,” Cady replies, closing her locker and heading down the hall.
Janis doesn’t clock that she’s going the wrong way until half an hour later. She’s too busy trying to hunt for Regina .
-
She finds her in the restroom, touching up her already flawless makeup. They lock eyes in the mirror when Janis strolls over behind her.
“Hello,” Regina greets with a slight chuckle, swiping on one last coat of mascara and turning around. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing, I’m fine. I just was wondering if we could… maybe talk. About yesterday.”
Regina’s eyes widen in understanding. “Yeah, absolutely. Um… I’d check if we’re alone, but I still can’t bend over. My back, and everything.”
“Gotcha,” Janis nods, bending down to peek under all the stall doors. “We’re good.”
“Damian’s not coming to your rescue this time?”
“Nah, he already knows,” Janis replies with a shake of her head. “Uh… anyway…” Regina looks at her expectantly. “Look, I’m sorry. I just… everything with us now is still so new, I’m not ready for anything between us yet. I’m down to be friends again, but I don’t think I’m ready for any kind of romantic… stuff. With anyone, it’s not just you.”
“I understand, Janis,” Regina says gently. “I’m glad we’re friends again, too. I never expected you to like me back in the first place.”
“Caddy said the same thing,” Janis hums. She freezes suddenly as her eyes go wide. “Forget I said that.”
“I didn’t hear a thing,” Regina nods. “Well, I guess I’ll… see you around.”
Janis nods. “Later.”
“Later, Jan,” Regina chuckles, grabbing her bag off the revolting floor and pushing the door open.
She lied, she had heard a thing. And now she has to find Cady.
——-
“There you are,” she says when she finally finds her, lying spread eagle in the middle of the football field. Cady yelps quietly and looks around.
“Oh. Hey, Regina,” she sighs.
“Hey,” Regina replies, easing herself down to the itchy astroturf next to her friend. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have math?”
“Yeah,” Cady replies quietly. “I just don’t have the nerve for it today.”
“Cady Heron doesn’t want to do math? What has the world come to?” Regina asks with exaggerated shock. Cady rolls her eyes, but giggles. “What are you really doing out here?”
“Thinking,” Cady sighs, watching the puffy clouds float over their heads.
“Care to enlighten me?” Regina replies gently, nudging her with an elbow. She already knows, but Cady doesn’t need to know that.
Cady takes a deep breath before she begins. “I told Janis I had a crush on her. And she doesn’t feel the same. I didn’t expect her to, we’re such good friends, and we went through so much. She wouldn’t want to mess with that or risk something else happening. But it’s still… kind of disheartening, you know?”
“I do know,” Regina agrees softly. “I’m going through the exact same thing.”
“You are?!” Cady asks in shock, sitting upright to look at her. “I’m sorry, Gina.”
“It’s not like you had anything to do with it, Cady,” Regina replies with a sardonic chuckle. “Janis and I went through a lot, too. And, recently anyway, our friendship is pretty new. She doesn’t want to risk anything with me either.”
Cady nods and lays back down. It’s quiet for a long moment, both of them just resting side by side on the ground and watching the clouds pass. “That’s not all I was thinking about.”
“Oh?”
Cady shakes her head. “I was out here trying to work out how to tell you, next.”
“What?!”
“I have feelings for you, too,” Cady says shyly. “I meant to tell you yesterday, but I lost my nerve after I told Janis. And I understand you don’t like me back, I just… I wanted to let you know.”
Regina rolls onto her side to face her. “Who says I don’t like you back?”
“Wait, what?”
“I never said I don’t feel the same,” Regina chuckles. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you, too. I knew nothing would happen between Janis and I, but… telling both of you at the same time was too much for me, even still.”
“Oh,” Cady breathes. She rolls onto her side as well, but doesn’t look Regina in the eye. “You really like me back?”
“Yeah, Cades,” Regina agrees. “How could I not? Even after everything last year, you still visited me in the hospital more than my own mom even did. You got me and Janis to be friends again, I didn’t even think that would be possible after everything I did. You’ve got a lot of… zazz, to you. And you’re, like, super cute.”
“Oh,” Cady says again. Regina can see the gears turning in her mind as she tries to process this. “Oh.”
“Did I break you?”
“No! I’m fine,” Cady says hastily, finally looking Regina in the eye. “More than fine. I just… me? You want me? Have you seen you? You could do so much better.”
“Better than the cutest little redheaded dork in the whole school?” Regina scoffs. “No way.”
“I’m cute?” Cady asks shyly. Regina laughs, full and genuine. The corners of Cady’s lips tick up just a bit.
“Yeah, Cady, you’re cute.”
“Can I kiss you?” Cady asks, seeming more confident with every passing second.
“There’s the Cady I know,” Regina purrs, inching just that little bit closer. Cady meets her halfway, resting a gentle hand; faintly callused but so, so soft against her cheek and pulling their lips to one another.
Regina gasps faintly when they finally make contact, because holy shit it’s finally happening. The girl of her dreams is in her arms, likes her back, and they’re kissing. Cady hums happily under her breath and presses closer. Regina breaks away for a split second when she feels Cady smile.
“What are you so happy about?”
“You’re, like, really hot,” Cady gasps, trying to get her breath back. “And powerful, and sweet. And you’re kissing me and I don’t know how to handle that yet.”
“You think I’m sweet?” Regina asks, suddenly the shy one.
“Yeah,” Cady hums affectionately. “I like getting to know you. The real you. Once you let people in, you’re… so incredible. You’re protective, and fierce, but so patient and gentle at the same time. And you have the most beautiful smile, when you do it for real. You remind me of my lions.”
“Your lions had nice smiles?”
“No, goofy,” Cady scoffs, rolling her eyes but kissing Regina again. “You know what I mean. I just… feel safe, with you. Like I can be me. I don’t feel that with many people.”
“You’re the first person I’ve been able to let in in a long time,” Regina agrees softly. “You want to take this further, too?”
“Yeah,” Cady agrees immediately. “Of course I do. Can we be girlfriends?”
“Mmm,” Regina hums, pretending to think about it. “I think that sounds doable. Now kiss me again.”
“Bossy,” Cady snorts, but she does lean in again. Regina releases a quiet, content noise when their lips brush together yet again, and Cady finds herself echoing it involuntarily. It just feels right, to be in this position. Neither of them can quite put their finger on why.
—-
They stay that way, cuddled and kissing on the frigid turf, until lunchtime. Janis gets a relieved, knowing smile when they walk into the cafeteria hand in hand with lip gloss smeared around their lips.
It all worked out, after all.