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This is nerve-wracking to the bone! You fumbled with the strands of hair protesting against your hairstyle for the evening, wondering why they couldn't cooperate once in your life. Unable to tell what exactly’s waiting for you as the coming hour proceeded, all your nerves danced Tango ever since waking up to the reality of tonight being the night where you're actually getting back what's rightfully yours. Or at least a part that felt neglected for quite a while, although it's not his intention. Yet there's no denying, your emotions used to be buried for some time by now, it's liberating to know tonight's going to unleash some of the endless, circling feelings deep rooted inside your chest.
Or at least give them a pass, there's a reasonable explanation if they're going to spill over tonight. You stroked the dress right for the countless time, no matter how much work you've put into your appearance, it never felt complete somehow. Letting you speculate what he'd say to your effort. What would Saeran think? Saeran... The name alone caused your heart to bust through the roof. It's the first time you're having a real date with the redhead after winning this oddly stupid bet a week ago.
At least the embarrassment paid off for once, it's beautiful albeit uncomfortable to imagine a candlelight dinner with the one person who's constantly having you on the edge of sanity. Then again, you opened the lipstick next, trying to keep your hand from shaking and mess up the make-up. He'd literally seen you naked too often, heard your voice in all existing octaves while watching you come apart under his simple touches. But this date's what pushes you close to some breakdown, however that's possible. Due to the feelings you kept hidden for the little devil who had no qualms about turning your life upside down?
Maybe the fact he's not the type for cheesy, romantic cliches? What if he doesn't truly want this...? Despite your rational voice saying that's nothing but your insecurity nagging at your soul, you couldn't help worrying. Saeran wasn't someone open for love in such interpersonal relationships, what if he pushed himself? What when he forgot about tonight? Nonsense! You breathed through, hands coming straight with a wavering motion to stare strictly at yourself through the mirror. He's the one who asked about my favorite food two days ago... Stop being a scaredy-cat!
You scolded inside your head, putting away the lipstick after being mostly satisfied with your looks. There's not much else left, you're not the prettiest person from nature, so it's useless continuing. Dear... You sighed while checking everything inside your purse for the last time. Why am I beating myself up now... Deep down, however, you knew the reason as it's been familiar for years. The bell of your place ringing freed you from the internal monologues, also frightening your heart and almost jumped out of your chest. Oh God!!!
You gasped silently, turning your head left in right by the panic creeping in without warning. My shoes!! Losing balance for a moment, you clumsily put on high heels as quickly as humane possible. »A-A moment! I'm done–« Ashamed for being a stuttering mess already, you hopped to the door. It's not the easiest task closing high heels while reaching the end of the hall, luckily you managed it without paying the price of falling down. One last stroke over your hair and your shaky hand opened the door for the person waiting behind. Saeran's bright, minty glowing eyes found yours immediately.
»Hey, (N)« His red hair stood out as every time you're in his space, the fact he kept it chaotic left your heart bleeding helplessly. Surely he's aware how much you adored these strands in their natural form, therefore he didn't do anything to remove the beauty given from birth. It's so unfair, he must've done it on purpose. Oh my... Red flustered your cheeks when realizing he dressed up as well, simply albeit elegant. White...? He wore a white vest, the first thing you noticed. A tie fitting to the dark shoes and above all, he held a boutique of flowers in his left arm. Saeran? Bright clothes? That's unusual, but if it didn't look breathtaking.
»(N)?« Hearing him call you by name's unsettling, it brought you back into reality. You quickly stood straight, burying the shame scratching your body after staring uninhibited. »S-Sorry.. I... I spaced out..« The broken voice of yours didn't make it any more believable, at least he kept the comments to himself. Saeran's face's tense, now you're able to analyze his stuff posture as well. Seemed like you're not the only one unnerved about the situation. »It's fine. Here.. They're for you.« Unusual hesitant did Saeran held out the big boutique of flowers.
You expected lots of surprises for tonight, however, getting gifted with such beautiful plants hadn't been on the list. It's shocking in a way your throat suffocated from the warmth burning in the core of your stomach. Saeran went out of his way to buy and give you flowers, that's a one-time gesture you appreciated with every inch of your heart. »Wow.. They're so beautiful. Thank you so much!« You carefully took them, pointing back at the kitchen with your eyes. »Let me put them in a vase before we leave.«
The redhead nodded in response, waiting silently as you walked back in to keep them alive in water. They're beautiful... You're uncertain what kind of flower it is, he'd chosen the ones having the best condition, surely. After placing the vase onto the table, you pulled on your jacket when coming back to him. Saeran didn't speak, instead he let you lock the door and walk down the sidewalk with you. The air's warm despite the sun's absence, an advantage for the summer season. You looked up, the moon visible with millions of stars decorated the otherwise dark sky, street lamps were the only source of light on earth.
It's weird, you thought as your stare's glued to the ground in front of your feet afterwards. He's never that quiet with only you two around. »So... Where are we going tonight?« You asked, the slight hint of tension audible in your voice, making you pray he wouldn't take it the wrong way. »We have to drive to our location. I came with the car.« Right as he explained, he took the keys to unlock the big, red car parked at the sidewalk. You couldn't help but giggle lightheaded. »You mean Saeyoung's car? Hehe.« Saeran avoided your amusement skillfully by opening the door for you, the polite offer caught you on the wrong foot.
»It would take too long otherwise. Now get in.« With a huff escaping your lips, you did as demanded. Saeran closed the door and came beside you in the driver's seat. What a feeling... You've never been in the car once Saeran drove, you didn't even know he had a license. »Put the seat-belt on.« His tough tone remedied you. After making sure you're secure, Saeran turned his upper body around to not accidentally bump into another car. You pressed both hands against your knees, the air inside the car's way thicker than outside. He's so serious...
You peeked from the corner of your eye, yet his were focused on the road. What happened? A question haunting your head since opening the door for him. Neither nicknames like it's always the case, nor attempts on flirting. As if you're back to the start, when being simple strangers to each other. That's Saeran's behavior with most people living in his environment, but you're different. Leaving you break your mind over the reasons. What got him to act detached again. »Thank you for keeping your word.« You swallowed the lump blocking your throat. How seriously grateful you were for him to fulfill his promise's quiet silly.
Saeran switched gears, humming shortly to acknowledge he'd heard you. Damn... The drive took longer than suspected, passing by all these lights and buildings before arriving somewhere you've never been to. That didn't help your nerves whatsoever, especially with the silence dominating the car. You needed to start a conversation, just for the sake of your own sanity. »By the way... You look really good in white.« Okay, well, maybe not break the dam by complimenting his outfit. I'm such a hopeless mess, oh my god... You're about to hit your forehead and punish your stupidity. Saeran's faster, though.
»Thanks. It was Saeyoung's idea. And he insisted so hard I had no choice.« The imagination's killing some uncomfortable feelings. To see the older twin with glasses, urge his brother dressing up in the complete opposite style he'd preferred. You're capable to see the annoyed facial expression of Saeran and the eyes filled with stars of Saeyoung after convincing him. I wonder how much Saeyoung helped Saeran with this...? You bet a lot, given that the younger twin's less acquainted with such events. Unconsciously, your fingers went through your hair.
He didn't say anything about my looks yet... To admit that detail's almost impossible, it blurred your vision. A bitter taste spread on your tongue for feeling disappointed although there's no justification why you should feel that way. Maybe he didn't pay much attention or something... It's not the world... And yet. »We're here.« You choked on gagging by the sudden standstill of the car. Confused, you gazed out of the window, left with only many more questions as there's literally nothing. You had to stand in an isolated area, the start of a forest for all you knew.
There's grass underneath your feet when leaving the car. Some trees, a old way created by trampled dirt. What the hell...? »Um..« Not brave enough to ask the redhead what's going on exactly, you're seeking Saeran's eyes. To your bad luck, he began to walk down the dirty path into wherever the fuck you stood. »Com'on. I show you the way.« Taken aback, you followed him with the calls of owls further in the distance. Were you about to have a candlelit dinner or get murdered in the woods? Honestly, both seemed plausible with such setup.
Just wait... You calmed yourself, taking a deep breath from the cooler air. Too late you registered he came to a hold, the reason as to why you bumped into his back. »Oops– Haha, sorry..« You tried to apologize without coming off odd, the attempt ended in pure vain. Sometimes you're really tempted to hit yourself black and blue, seriously. Saeran's hand came around to find yours, he's flaming once again. The skin-on-skin contact chased goosebumps over your arms. Oh god–! No time to freak out, the redhead stepped aside. Wha... Your jaw felt open, but even after blinking frequently to assure it's no illusion, the scene in front stayed the same.
Was it real? There's a big table in the middle of a small space covered by grass and near standing trees. It's lit by candles, ironically, as they stood invited on the table with two chairs across from each other. There's the food you've told him about on the plate, glasses and stuff hidden away inside the food truck. What the... Your eyes pained since you forgot to blink. »I'm.. I hope this is okay.« Saeran squeezed your hand tighter, gaining your attention. His face's too tense, it must've hurt. Taking the second to watch him be, you realized he's holding himself completely strained. »I know I said I take you out to a candlelight dinner. I'm sorry that's all I can do.«
His raw words made you frown. What is he talking about...? Saeran let go of your hand, then. »I'm sure you expected to eat at a big restaurant or on a pretty terrace... But I, well..« He shrugged stiff, trying to play down whatever's plaguing his head. His voice lost strength until only a whisper remained. »Thinking to eat around a big crowd of people isn't... I can't do that.« One of his hands came around the other fist, rubbing the irritated skin in order to calm himself. Saeran's entire mouth went dry the longer he thought how childish all of it was. You should've gone with someone already having his crap together, he figured.
»I'm sorry if you looked forward to this and feel disappointed. If you don't like it, I take you back home.« He promised, yet you're unable to say anything. No word burning on your tongue's coming out. What...? You couldn't believe it, he's serious. Saeran thought this wasn't good enough. You shook your head in unbelief, unable to comprehend why he's insecure about this not living up to your expectations. It exceeded every single one you had; how could he think you're disappointed by all the work he put into this? That's not fair... Frustration rose up; therefore, you grabbed his hand. »Saeran, I..«
Your stare wandered over this place coming straight out of a Disney movie. That's when you also took his other hand into your grasp. It forced the redhead to turn back, still not meeting your face regardless. »This is absolutely gorgeous! How can you say that!? I... I'm so, so happy! It's perfect!« Meanwhile you began to smile wide, the excitement coming out from under all the worries now that you've been shown that he, indeed, took this to heart. You're a silly... Saeran took a step back, his complicated expression speaking walls considering he's not sure how far he's able to trust this. »Really? But– Weren't you hoping to go to a pretty place instead?«
He questioned persistently; the only answer given was you pulling him to the table. »This is thousand times better than any restaurant! What are you talking about?« Saeran's cheeks won reddish color because of that obvious reaction, like you're not even remotely discouraged by the alternative he and his brother decided on. At least it's less suffocating for his soul. »Alright. I'm glad if that's the case, then.« You sat down before Saeran got the chance to pull the chair for you, it didn't seem to bother you. If anything, you're beaming the way the sun herself would've been jealous and Saeran's almost ashamed of doubting your happiness.
»Now I also get why you asked for my favorite food! This is... so beautiful.« While soaking in your surroundings for the night, Saeran used the opportunity to fill the glasses with your favorite drink. »Yeah, I had to prepare it. I hope it's how you like it.« You chuckled, taking in his shape from across the table. Lit by the candles, his hair's even warmer than it already was. Everything about Saeran appeared soft. Gentle if you dared to think. »But you know..« His pale hand came to a hold after filling the glasses, finding your red cheeks held by both hands.
As if your administration's gushing out without hold, he couldn't help but lick his lips in nervousness. »You didn't have to put all this effort into the evening... I'm sure this took forever.« Your hand waved over your head, pointing out to the fact he created a dinner worthy for a fairytale story. I feel so damn special... It's written in your every feeling, that emotion only he's able to bring to life. »What do you mean? Of course I had to.« He countered, crossing his arms on the edge of the table. »It was a promise I made. Also..« For a bit, he's the one speechless. Saeran gathered his words carefully, secretly thankful you offered him the time needed.
»I want you to have fun. That's the whole point.« Your lips pulled into a thin line. For you, maybe... Your inner voice husked torn. It's not just for fun... The warm fire wiggled sensually with the little wind rustling through the trees, his hair moving along comfortably. But I know it's not the same for you, I could never judge that... The smile creeping over your face's a bit painful, if you'd been honest. »Sure.. Fun sounds great.« Saeran's stare rested on your face as you took fork and knife. Of course, he picked up on the rather dull response. It's all just unfair...
»Are you not having fun?« God, you wished to sink into the ground forever. What to say–? You placed the cutlery back down, trying to come up with some good excuse before he's able to find the truth. »No- I mean, yes! I have fun. Don't worry about that, it's a lot of fun.« The stuttering took some confidence from your assurance. Saeran's eyes narrowed slightly, only an inch, but you're seeing it happening either way. »You're hiding something, aren't you?« And away it fell. The sweat had you shudder when being cooled down by the outside. Your face burned with shame, just like your fingertips. I'm ruining all his work-!
The hissing's unintentional, once started, however, you couldn't find yourself to stop. Self-hatred's an aspect of your past which you defeated after a long path of hard work. Despite it all, the tendencies for getting dragged back into that routine could be triggered in the wrong moments. Ending up in positions like now. He put so much effort into this... And I'm straight up ruin it! All because of these dumb feelings– Hot tears threatened to rise into your eyes, everything seemed to mock your lack of self-control. »(N)? What's wrong? I meant it, I can bring you back home if you don't like this.«
You hid the pathetic sight of your breaking facial expression behind both hands. Unable to accept your own behavior. »It's not that. I'm sorry.« The words came through only muffled. Why do I even continue this...? You asked yourself reproachfully. I keep hoping for shit that's beyond his comfort zone... I keep prying without considering his limits-! The more you thought back, the harder it became to believe he truly enjoyed your presence. How selfish could you be? Saeran said your name, slower this time. I can't take this... You stood up, holding your head low for him to overlook the tears rising into your closed eyes.
»I'm sorry you h-had to prepare all this for someone l-like me.« After you pushed the chair further, you stroked some loose strands of hair behind your ear in defeat. »I know h-how much you have to push yourself for these kind of things... I'm sorry I made you go that hard.« You reached your hands over the table, all the details which you weren't worthy of. God. This was a waste of his time, Saeran could've used the hours to find peace in his restless soul, for example. But instead you coerced him to play a role that's out of his reach, it wouldn't shock you to learn he's relieved once you decide to break this up. I'm so disgusting... This was wrong from the start, you acknowledged bitter.
»I'm so sorry for doing that to you... I better.. I go h-home myself.« Wouldn't take as long, considering you could call up a taxi. You pulled the phone from the purse, ready to leave behind the shame you've caused upon his preparations. You'd pay him back for the wasted food later on, you made a mental note for that. »Wait a moment.« Unwillingly your feet obeyed, waiting until Saeran's close enough for his sent to mess with your brain. Sweet, always so sweet it's having you at the edge of breaking down for the second time. Saeran's steps silenced once he's close to you, close enough to lift his hand and curl his fingers around your shoulder.
The touch's light, almost nonexistent and ending up in you feeling like a broken doll that fell from the shelve. »Why are you suddenly thinking that way?« Justified question to which you couldn't share the truthful answer. It wasn't the time, it's too soon for you both. Aware that you wouldn't have the heart to lie, you let the owls nearby take the upper hand in the conversation. »I'd never offer anything that I wouldn't uphold myself, (N).« He sighed heavily, letting out the stifling oxygen that's glued to you both since leaving. »Look, I know it's... I know you.«
His words drifted, you used all willpower to ignore both his stare and the ripping sound in your chest. »I know you looked forward to this a lot, even if you hid it. I could tell you're excited.« Saeran's hand's comfy against your cheek, especially when wiping away the annoying tears that found their way out. »I promise I'm not doing anything I don't want myself, okay? Believe me.« You refrained from sniffing once his nose rubbed in a cat like manner on your temple. »I know I'm not... The best choice for this stuff. I know I'm awkward. But that doesn't mean I don't want to be here with you.«
He mumbled into your ear, pulling you by the waist into a embrace. You gave in without putting in resistance, too embarrassed for worsening the night further. Don't say that... Your frown remained as your hands clung to his suit, face soon safely hidden in his chest. His heart's beating faster than normal. »You're a great choice, even if romantic plans aren't your thing. Don't say that.« A sniffing sound left by the lovely pressure of his hand running over your head. Saeran held you tight for quite a while, not that you're complaining. On the contrary, it felt similar to redemption when spilling some of these disgusting doubts and worries.
Even more so because he immediately proved them wrong. Man... What a rollercoaster of emotions again. »I think the food is cold now, though.« He cut in, reminding you that the plates stood on the table for at least an hour. You pulled away, rubbing away the rest of the tears. »Sorry... That's my fault.« But he shook his head, beautiful hair long enough to cover some of his bright iris. »No, you're not to blame. Don't worry, Princess.« Oh– How one simple nickname could kill a mountain of tension, it's unbelievable. »How about we just.. get some food instead. Maybe not the definition of a candlelight dinner, but hey. Better than going starved.«
You laughed by the suggestion with a slight sassy shimmer rushing over his face. He's not wrong... Saeran didn't complain as your fingers came around his, twisting them together to hold hands. »Sure, that sounds good as well!« He cracked a smirk, already on the move to reach the car. »Good. Takeout food it is, then.« Your heart lifted back up, just the same way your eyes looked back into the center of nowhere. »Hey, Saeran... What about the table?« A gasp's torn from your throat as he pulled you back against his chest, there he was. The man you're used to find and get your heart to die for. »Again, no worries. Saeyoung's going to take care of everything. I text him in the car.«
Saeran raised an eyebrow as you failed to keep in the next wave of laughter. »Haha, poor guy! I'm sure he won't be pleased by that outcome of all the preparation.« You'd apologize by the upcoming meeting as RFA group. Saeran sighed, taking the lead. Yet there's no denying the amusement he's sharing alongside yourself. »He'll be fine. He might whine, but that's okay.« Secretly rolling your eyes, you doubted that. Regardless, you let the night take its path however it felt naturally. And holding his hand surely did. »Okay, if you say so. Let's get some food now.«