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“Edie!” Dorothea’s unmistakable call rings out high and bright as she enters the chamber. Her tone and wide smile have trouble written all over them, Edelgard had the experience to know this. Something was coming her way, and she was already moving to deflect it.
“What would you have of me, Dorothea?” Edelgard asks with open suspicion.
Dorothea misuses her stage training by looking wounded by the remark, then adds with equal dramatics “Have I truly misused our friendship enough to be treated this way?”
“I will let your business here be the answer to that,” Edelgard replies, resting judgmentally on a fist.
“Well first of all, it’s not even a request for me,” Dorothea begins damningly, not even flinching as Edelgard’s eyes narrow. “As you know, our friend Constance’s house lays in ruin, much to her dismay. She is doing what she can to see it restored, but it’s a huuuge undertaking and the process of rebuilding from nothing would likely be passed down to her kids to finish. As we were discussing what could be done, we though the best way to see this process speed up would be to get someone rich or powerful to marry her—”
“I am NOT marrying Constance,” Edelgard roars, slamming that same fist into the arm of the throne. At least Dorothea’s scheme had come to light quickly.
“No, no, no! Of course not.” Dorothea throws her palms up defensively as she says this, taking a step back away from the glowering ruler. “Believe me, if I was showing up with a marriage proposal for you there would be much greater fanfare.” Edelgard lets this pass without comment. She’s calming down now that she knows her aim isn’t betrothal. Well, not today, at least.
“Of course, an Abyssian from a fallen house doesn’t exactly have suitors beating down the door. So… that’s where you come in.” Dorothea rocks back on her heels as she draws that pause out. “All it’s going to take is for you to be seen a few dates with Constance. Being seen dating the Empress is going to send perception of her skyward. When you two stop being seen together, they’ll all come running for a shot with her. And obviously someone as charming as Constance is going to win their heart in a couple dates.” Dorothea clasps her hands together in front of her, going for the kill. “So what do you say, just a few fake dates with Constance to help her out?”
Edelgard’s brow furrows. “Are you sure such a thing would really work? Just by being seen with me?” she asks, completely genuinely.
“Oh, for sure! Few are going to be able to act like they’re above pursuing a temporarily houseless Abyssian if the Empress herself isn’t bothered by such things. Plus, it gives her the appearance of being in high demand, and you know how those types trip over themselves to have the hottest thing. It’s a guarantee!” Dorothea smiles brightly again as she says this, and for once, this doesn’t leave Edelgard more suspicious. For all the caution Dorothea can inspire from her, her word still means a lot.
“Hmm. Courtship is a truly strange world,” she muses. “Won’t I have to worry about suitors as well?”
“Uhhh… Edie…” the singer is uncharacteristically hesitant. “You’re preeeeetty unapproachable. None of them are gonna get close enough to wither under that icy glare.”
The icy glare is immediately demonstrated. “You certainly have no trouble with it,” she snaps.
“I know! A testament to how special what we have is,” Dorothea grins freely.
Edelgard barely holds back a groan. “Just, go over what would be required of me, please,” she asks, hoping to wrap this up.
“That’s the best part,” Dorothea’s salesmanship continues. “I can handle all the planning and such; all you have to do is not look miserable while you’re with her and make sure to never let it slip that you two aren’t actually dating. Easy!”
Even Edelgard has to admit it does sound easy. Which means there must be something she missed. “Won’t my lack of training in these matters cause problems?” she posits cautiously.
“Training? Oh goodness, Edie. You need this worse than she does,” Dorothea sighs and gives a sad shake of her head.
“Come again?” Edelgard replies coldly. She’s growing annoyed all over again.
Dorothea saunters closer, unafraid. “You spend far too long cooped up in here or haunting battlefields; you need to have some fun from time to time! See something besides the most grim or boring things life has to offer. And just maybe this will get it through to you that romance is neither something you learn in a classroom nor something to live your whole life afraid of!” Now it’s Dorothea getting heated, practically shouting by the end of it.
For the first time in this conversation, Edelgard is caught off-guard. She was ready for grinning, sweet-talking Dorothea, but this was something new. “Very well, I will help her.” Edelgard emphasizes that last word. “I shall meet with her anon so we might schedule our first rendezvous.”
Dorothea quickly jumps back in. “Nuh-uh, too risky.” A cocked eyebrow prompts further explanation. “Well, obviously we can’t have it getting out that this is fake. That’s why it is vitally important you don’t talk about the situation with her. The whole idea is that you two will attract a ton of attention. People are gonna be listening and if you say something off when trying to figure out your next date, this will all come crashing down.” She spins around on her heels and starts making her way out of the room, calling back as she does, “You just let me figure out the details and go where I tell you. And remember, if this gets out it, she’ll be disgraced, so don’t breathe a word of it, not even to her!”
“What?! Dorothea, wait!” Edelgard calls out helplessly as the door shuts behind Dorothea. Damn her! She vows, as she has so many times before, to not let herself get so caught up in Dorothea’s games next time. But, for now, she would do right by Constance.
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“YOU DID WHAT?!” Constance exclaims in genuine disbelief that she had heard correctly.
“I got you the date you were asking for! Dates, even. So maybe start with a thank you.” Dorothea gave a cute and deliberate pout. Even with the further addition of crossing her arms, Constance does not seem swayed by this in the slightest.
“This was not at all what we discussed! When we parted, you were to return once you had a plan. Not run off rogue like this!” Constance rubs her temples as she re-evaluates everything that led to her putting her confidence in Dorothea.
“And here I am. The plan is: you meet her in town and take a pleasant stroll along the river together. It’s gonna be lovely!” Dorothea claps her hands together as she says this, quite pleased with herself.
“A plan to approach her! How is someone such as myself ever to live down the shame of having some proxy convey my intentions to such a respected woman? Hmph!” Constance stares daggers before turning her head up and away. “But she truly agreed to a rendezvous?” she adds, quieter, turning her eyes and head slightly to watch Dorothea’s response.
Her response is to swivel around Constance to better meet her gaze. “Of course she did! I can make quite convincing case,” she states proudly with a carefree grin. “Not that it took much, she agreed quite readily when she learned it was you.” Setting the two of them up took more cunning then most of her cases, but rarely did they seem like this much of a lock. She was already looking forward to the thanks that will be due when they get together for real. She’ll make lovebirds of these pigeons yet.
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Edelgard sat quietly at the sole occupied table outside of a tea shop near the meeting place Dorothea had agreed to on her behalf. Nursing a tea she had bought purely out of a sense of obligation for loitering there, she spent the ample time between sips going over the fruits of her research the last few nights. Hubert, in the dark about the ruse, had pulled a number of romance novels and courtships guides at her request with only a brief cocking of his eyebrow. Though she only skimmed through them in order to cover it as much as she could, the result had been a set of notes on what sort of things she could expect, what would be expected of her, things she could do meet those expectations, conversation topics, and more that instilled significantly more confidence in her than when she had first heard this idea proposed.
Between sips she had devolved into fidgeting with the sleeves of the red sweater she wore for the occasion. Typically the choice of outfit for an occasion would be something she would consult Dorothea on, but Edelgard wary of giving her any further power. Unwilling to face the embarrassment of explaining to someone else she needed clothes for a date, she did her best to put something together herself. Without guidance, she approached the problem cautiously, opting for a what she considered a safe combo of a large crimson sweater and solid black breeches. By her judgment, it ticked as many boxes as possible.
Edelgard’s careful observation of the passing faces is proved unnecessary with Constance’s grand entrance. People move aside to make way for the once noble lady to come crashing through, running down the street against the advisement of her long skirt and the heels of her boots.
Once the shock wears off, she calls out to Constance, hoping to halt the reckless advance as soon as possible. By Edelgard’s estimation, she wasn’t even particularly late, so this seemed a complete overreaction. Surely this was a bigger embarrassment than simply being late?
To everyone’s relief, Constance comes to a stop safely. She doesn’t even wait to finish trotting over to the table to begin apologizing. “I’m terribly sorry for being late, I had trouble finding my way here.” Edelgard resisted the urge to question this. While Constance might have fewer chances to get out than other students, she had to have visited this town plenty, given it’s the closest to the monastery. Further, if she somehow wasn’t familiar, she could have said something when Dorothea laid out the time and place.
“It’s no trouble at all. As you can see I’ve been quite comfortable,” Edelgard brushed right past her peculiar excuses, instead gesturing to the seat across from her. “Please, have a seat. I should be finished shortly and then we can get to our plans. Can I order anything for you?”
“I’m perfectly capable of ordering for myself,” Constance replied with notes of pride and indignation that seemed completely out of place. She reached across the table and pulls the menu to herself as Edelgard attempted to rethink any notes she had about doing things on behalf of her date.
She glanced towards her date after spending too long pondering how to treat her, finding her still staring at the menu. Her expression was so pained that Edelgard was left wondering how deeply she had offended with her earlier remark. But as she watched Constance’s eyes flicked nervously across the pages, a new theory emerged. As part of the work to style itself as a more noteworthy and high-end place, the menu was both largely written in a foreign tongue, with additional loanwords dotting throughout, and written in a script so overwrought it was difficult to realize you’re reading another language to begin with.
Watching the ways Constance was fidgeting, it was becoming easier to believe that was really what had happened. She managed to fight back the building laughter and keep it to just a cracking smile. They had not even started the proper date yet and already Constance had managed to dig herself this hole, and from the looks of it, had no way out. Her only plan of action appeared to be trying to stare harder and harder at the menu, which offered her nothing in return, and worked well to keep her from noticing Edelgard’s increasing failure to disguise her amusement.
Both as a mercy to Constance, and in the interest of getting the date moving, she really needed to figure out some way she can gently resolve this. Once she felt confident trying to speak would not devolve into giggling, she summoned the waiter. Watching Constance out of the corner of her eye the whole time, she placed an order for pastry, carefully enunciating the exotic name. Constance, who had shrunk noticeably since the waiter had been called, sprang back to life to quickly order the same thing, successfully parroting Edelgard’s pronunciation. She shoved the menu back into the waiter’s hands as she did so, eager to be rid it, which once again threatened to send Edelgard over the edge into fits of laughter.
It was all so… naked. Despite her seeming to think otherwise, it was so easy to see through it all. Where did that confidence come from when this was the end result? As she watched her companion’s cautious prodding at the mystery dish that had just been laid before her, it dawned on Edelgard that this short-sighted, prideful behavior should be irritating, yet for all her desire to see just what strange situations Constance would put herself in, she didn’t think any less of her. Rather than being pushed away, Edelgard was being drawn in, curious about this strange girl and what drove her.
She took a big bite of her pastry as Constance nibbled at her own.
The small road on the edge of town basked in the sounds of the river running steadily alongside it, the rustling of the trees that lined it, the chirping of the birds within, and the dead silence hanging between Constance and Edelgard as the two walked along it. Her first attempt at striking up a conversation resulted in a response from Constance she nearly drowned in, a seemingly never-ending answer that quickly outpaced her ability to follow it and left no openings for her to try and fix that. When Constance did stop talking, it was all at once, and further attempts at starting a conversation were dead-ended immediately with one word answers. At no point during her preparations did it occur to plan for the other side being this way. Could nerves really drive someone to act this way when they knew it was all fake? Certainly she still had a lot riding on this, but still…
Edelgard observed a pair of women headed opposite them as her mind wandered. Unable to place their relation, she was forced to admit they would struggle to determine she was on a date as well. This wasn’t about getting the two of them having an engaging conversation. More than anything, what mattered was leaving the impression that they were dating. If that wasn’t happening naturally, then she would have she would have to take matters into her own hands.
Without warning, she seized Constance’s hand in her own. Edelgard didn’t need to so much as tilt her head to see Constance turning a deeper red than the sweater. Constance turned away, but gripped back tightly.
Taking advantage of this opening, Edelgard studied her companion in profile. Though her blushing was likely just the result of surprise and embarrassment, it worked out quite well in their favor. Notions an observer might have about the gesture being platonic should be dismissed by her current state. It certainly was platonic, of course, her enjoyment of seeing Constance getting flustered or being awkward was clearly some strain of contempt or the like, far removed those kinds of feelings.
It is Constance who finally breaks the silence. “I apologize. I just really want this to go well,” she says, barely audible while still facing the river.
Edelgard squeezes her hand and immediately jumps in. “It’s a very big deal to you, the pressure must be significant. Besides, what happened back at the cafe wasn’t a big deal.”
Constance finally faces her, an expression of strained neutrality unnerving Edelgard, and says slowly, “I was sorry for being so strange with your questions… what do you mean about the cafe?”
Now it was Edelgard’s turn for embarrassment. The two of them flush in unison as she searches for an answer. Lacking a gentler option, she settles for the truth: “I mean the way you insisted on ordering for yourself and then couldn’t.”
Constance pouts, and Edelgard would preserve that image forever if she could. “I seem to recall I ordered successfully,” she replies defiantly.
This time, Edelgard can’t help but laugh. To her relief, she can hear Constance giggling alongside her. After a rocky start, they were the picture of a happy couple. They could pull this off easily. And if it was with Constance, then it would be a good time, too.
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When Dorothea had described the route, she had made it sound like a small cut through a patch of forest. Instead, she was contemplating returning with something to hack her way through the thicket she had been pressing her way through for the better part of 15 minutes. The opportunity to change into a fresh outfit would go a long way, too; the journey was visible in every tear, stain, and burr that had been added to the cardigan she had agonized over choosing.
Turning back may have been an option had she left as early as she had on the last. After the way Constance had shown up late, it seemed like showing up closer to late herself might ease her a bit. This was far outside what she had meant for though.
The brambles and branches gave way all at once as she finally reached the promised clearing. It was beautiful, the small hill rolling lackadaisically upward before dissolving into sky that was sorely missed getting here. Near the top, much to her surprise, Constance was fretting about a spread blanket. Edelgard’s approach went unnoticed until a gasp gave her away. The amount of different foods on display was staggering. Overwhelming. It was… utterly absurd.
“What on earth is all this?!” Edelgard exclaimed.
Constance looked up at Edelgard meekly from among the over a dozen different foods arranged about her “It’s the food for the picnic. I wasn’t sure what you would like, so I went with a wide variety. Is it no good?”
“It’s not that, it’s just… what are we supposed to do with this much? Surely you don’t think we can eat all this?” Edelgard said, struggling to see what she was not getting. “And did you not realize we would both be bringing food?” She tossed the small sack containing what she brought to Constance.
“I see,” Constance said weakly, staring straight down into the open bag in her lap. “I had hoped by casting a wide net, I would be more likely to impress you with one of them.”
This shut Edelgard the hell up. “I’m sorry, I have no right to question this bounty. But if I’m going to sample everything, I have my work cut out for me.” She hovered over the different offerings before selecting a finger sandwich off the top of a stack of them. Meeting Constance’s expectant gaze froze her in her tracks, and the two awkwardly remained that way, Edelgard in the middle of a bite.
Finishing quickly, she searched for what she could say about the rather unremarkable dish without sounding forced. When that plan fell through, she pivoted to grabbing something else and shoving it in her mouth. In this fashion, she worked her way through the range of foods in faster time than she would have thought possible. All the while, Constance looked increasingly pleased, munching on some of the bread that Edelgard had brought.
“Constance, did you really make all of this?”
“Of course!” she boasted “How am I supposed to seduce you with someone else’s food?” Constance gave a wolfish grin and the two of them laughed.
“It’s a truly incredible amount of effort to go through for my sake. I hope you realize just how sweet you are,” Edelgard said, turning Constance bashful. “You don’t need to try so hard, by the way. Thanks to Dorothea’s questionable choice of location, there’s not a chance of someone else fighting their way all the way out here.”
“So you don’t like the food?” Constance replied, visibly unsure.
“No, no! It’s not that at all!” Edelgard exclaimed. “You certainly didn’t need to go as far as you did, especially when most of what I brought was just grabbed from the dining hall, but I’m touched by it. What I mean is you can relax; without an audience, we don’t have to pretend to date. Let’s just have as much fun with this one as we can today, and we’ll make sure Dorothea picks somewhere visible next time.”
Constance looked like she was in the process of having her soul squeezed out of her. “P-pretended to date?” she barely managed to get out.
“This can’t be real, did she really tell you differently? Dorothea told me we were going to pretend to date to attract more suitors for you, which might help restore your house. I cannot apologize enough if she told you otherwise.” Edelgard carefully crawled over the different hazards of the picnic to Constance’s side and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
“So all of this was just you acting? None of it was genuine?” Constance replied flatly with a shudder. It was a mercy that Edelgard could not see her face from this position, it would not be easy.
“I…” Edelgard tried to immediately reassure her but was struck by the question posed. “I certainly entered into this expecting as much. I was led to believe you needed the help, and I wanted to be there for someone I respect. I worked to do a good job for your sake, but truth be told, pretty quickly I was just having fun.” She paused and carefully considered what she was about to say before clearly stating, “I’m not ready for this to end yet. If you would have me, I would ask that this not be our final date.”
Constance shifted around in Edelgard’s arms to look up at her. “I would. I will. I knew that meal was irresistible,” she added with surprising determination for someone whose eyes were still wet with tears. Edelgard held her a little closer as she smiles at what she’s somewhat certain was a joke.
“I guess this means we’ll be on our own for making plans from now on,” Edelgard sighed. “Not that I would have much confidence in her going forward. It worked out for the better, I suppose, but to no credit of hers.”
“I think we should consult her one more time,” Constance said, eerily serious.
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Dorothea was not surprised that those two needed more help. She had known from the start they were both hopeless; it was what pushed her to take such measures in the first place. A meeting with Constance, a few reassurances and suggestions, another excellent plan for a date, and she would have them back on track soon enough. It was probably springing that last date on them too early that had led Constance coming to her concerned. They were supposed to bond over the ridiculous trek out - nothing brings people together like a common enemy - but they may not have been ready for something like yet. A quite fixable misstep.
With a quick glance around to ensure she was unnoticed, she slipped into one of the narrow spaces between the buildings of Garreg Mach. She hated these dark, dingy spaces, but suffered them for the fun of clandestine meetings to plot. As she turned down the backside of the building, there was a figure waiting there as expected. What was not expected, however, was when the figure turned around and Edelgard greeted her.
“Hello, Dorothea,” she said coldly, her tone shattering any illusions about this being an amusing coincidence.
“Edelgard, what a pleasant surprise,” Dorothea lied plainly. If the insincerity was not clear enough, her backing away while saying it really hammered it home.
“Leaving already? Have you no manners?” came a voice from just behind her. She whipped around to see Constance standing in the last remaining exit, looming. The typical smugness that adorned her had taken a rather sinister twist.
“We had the most interesting conversation the other day, we thought you’d like to hear all about it,” she continued. Dorothea was sent retreating back in a new direction as Constance advanced on her.
“I’m certain that you did but you see, the thing is that-” Dorothea was cut short when she ran out of room and backed into Edelgard. Deciding this was the more likely path through, she spun around once again and tried her luck. “Edie, if you’ll just listen to-”
Edelgard grabbed her by the collar mid-excuse and slammed her into the wall, with Constance appearing over her shoulder and pressing a hand against the wall to Dorothea’s side. “No, Dorothea, you listen,” Edelgard snarled. The fury in her eyes dwarfed anything she had seen from the house leader before, including on the battlefield. Her stomach dropped as the threat level rose well beyond just “possible awkward conversation”.
As if to confirm those fears, Edelgard continued in a practiced, clean way that showed none of this was simply a hot-headed reaction but a calculated response. “If you ever meddle in my love life like this again, I will treat it as an act of treason, and have you dealt with as such. Do I make myself clear?”
“Y-yes, perfectly,” Dorothea said, no longer able to play dumb nor cool. The only response was to release her, dropping her to the ground from the surprise of the timing and the overall shock of the situation. Both of them ignored her, walking off together with arms linked.
Pulling herself to her feet, Dorothea brushed herself off and grinned in satisfaction to no one in particular. Yet another match successfully made, and one of her cleanest to date. She really was getting good at this.