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The realization hits him quite unexpectedly. It’s not the first time they’ve met since she came back to Seoul, it’s not even their first time meeting this week and they’re going to see each other tomorrow so they’re not facing any long separation either. So, there’s no specific reason for Dong-hoon to realize that he loves Ji-an this very moment. It just happens.
In the middle of Ji-an telling a funny story from work. She’s a bit tipsy which made her retelling very expressive. He finds himself grinning, thinking how cure she looks in the yellow blouse she’s wearing. No, not cute, she looks beautiful. And suddenly he knows.
Ji-an notices him staring and blushes. She looks even lovelier and Dong-hoon tries to get ahold of himself. He needs more time to think, to analyze what his newfound feelings would mean for their friendship. Would meeting her be weird for him? Would he be able to act as usual or would he somehow manage to destroy the friendship they build together? For his own sake, he doesn’t try to speculate what her feelings could be.
“What happened then?” he asks kindly when she stops speaking. She must be already feeling awkward. Good job, asshole. He’s already causing damage. It would be best to bury whatever his feelings are and go on as before. He somehow has much more to lose this time.
Ji-an smiles softly and continues with the story and Dong-hoon ignores the nagging voice in his head.
It’s almost midnight when they decide it’s best to go home. They’re meeting next morning for a run before a soccer match. Yet another new tradition they had built together, finally putting to use Ji-an’s love for running. If there was a match on Saturday, they met an hour before and did few laps around the field, if there wasn’t, they met in a park and went for a run there. Dong-hoon was glad for having more exercise in his life and Ji-an loved to tease him about it. “You will never get old running with me like this, ahjussi,” she grinned at him before sprinting ahead expecting him to chase her. He always did, at first paying for it the next morning, but he was getting back to shape already.
He was still old. Much older than her and it was another good reason he shouldn’t even think about telling her how he feels. She probably doesn’t like him anymore so he shouldn’t even ponder about it anymore.
They pay and make their way outside, only then they notice the heavy rain and pause.
“I don’t have an umbrella,” Ji-an exclaims looking down at her light blouse. She would be drenched in seconds and Dong-hoon has to look away before he starts to have very inappropriate thoughts. He doesn’t have an umbrella either, but he has a habit of carrying his trench coat with him. Even though it’s still summer, the nights tend to be cold, and he noticed pretty early on that Ji-an often didn’t take that into consideration when dressing for work. He then decided it was his responsibility to have something warmer to offer her at all times.
“We can use my coat. The subway station is close, we should manage if we run,” he puts his bag over himself and raises the coat above their heads.
Ji-an grins at him and draws closer to him.
Dong-hoon already knows it’s a bad idea but the owner is opening the door for them. It takes them just few minutes but all that time he’s too much aware of how close she’s to him. She’s smiling all the time, giggles when he manages to stumble. He adores that sound. Soon they’re at the station and he’s lowering his arms. Ji-an is still close to him laughing, her fringe is plastered to her forehead and Dong-hoon has an incredible urge to caress it away.
“That was fun,” Ji-an manages to say between laughing. “I need to keep forgetting my umbrella all the time.”
He grins at her.
“Think about my poor arms,” he replies pretending they’re aching.
“Poor ahjussi,” she pats his shoulders and starts ascending the stairs. “Come already, we will miss our train,” Ji-an calls over her shoulder and he laughs following her. Fridays she’s staying with Jung Hee since they’re meeting there before the drive to the field. He’s glad that the two women remained friendly, he could see how much they meant to each other.
The bar is still full when they enter and soon each of them is pulled in the middle of the group. Yu-ra is ushering Gi-hoon from the chair and already putting on fresh glass for Ji-an. Gi-hoon complains and sits at the bar where Dong-hoon joins him. As much as he loves their time alone, he appreciates how she fits with his friends. They have all decided that she belongs there and Ji-an simply accepted it.
Yoon-hee never could accept them all and he can understand that too but he didn’t like to be put in a position where he needed to choose. Maybe it was just another reason why it was so easy to fall for Ji-an. He turns and looks at her. She seems to be conspiring with Yu-ra, showing her something on her phone with a mischievous smile on her lips. She looks beautiful.
“Careful there, hyung, one could think you’re in love with that girl,” his younger brother whispers into his ear and he flinches violently almost falling from the chair. Gi-hoon is observing him, a serious look in his eyes. Ever since he found out about Yoon-hee’s affair, his younger brother seems to be trying to learn to read and understand him. It was both nice and unnerving. Especially where there was a secret Dong-hoon wasn’t ready to share.
“Aish, what are you talking about. I’m just glad she feels comfortable here with us,” he looks directly at his brother. It’s the truth, not whole one, but the truth, nonetheless.
Gi-hoon continues to look at him but then shakes his head and raises his soju glass as if deciding to let the topic go. Dong-hoon is more than a little glad. He decided to be more honest with his family, sharing with them what has been bothering him, but he isn’t quite ready to share his feelings for Ji-an. It’s still too new and maybe he still hasn’t decided what he’s going to do about them just yet.
…
Ji-an can’t sleep. Jung-hee is softly snoring next to her but her thoughts are too much in disarray to simply let her sleep. Something was different about ahjussi tonight and whatever change it was, it excites her. Their relationship was changing, that was natural. Before, ahjussi was constantly worried about her, about his marriage or about his job and her life was also very different. Now they’re both happier and their interactions were more about sharing the good. Trying new food, talking about their friends, finding new routes for the Saturday runs and it was lovely. Ji-an was loving it.
But she loved Park Dong-hoon and part of her was always wanting more. More time with him, having him so much closer, having him all the time. Ji-an craved so much when it came to her ahjussi that some days she imagined they were together in every sense of the world. She would pretend that they came together to Jung-hee’s because they were a couple and that he walked her home because he wanted her to invite him to her place. She knew she was being ridiculous, but her thoughts weren’t hurting anyone.
Well, beside herself, but she had it under control. Really.
She sighs and tries to fall asleep.
…
Dong-hoon finds himself noticing Ji-an more. He was always aware which part of the room she occupied, but this awareness is new. It’s in the way he immediately recognizes the smell of her deodorant, how he doesn’t need to look at her to keep her pace and knows exactly when she’s smiling at him.
They’re doing their laps around the field, one next to another and he has a constant need to glance at her, take in her sweaty appearance and marvel at how glorious she is. He has it bad. Really really bad. Just last night, Dong-hoon was sure that he could easily hide what he’s feeling. They can remain friends and she would one day find someone worthy of her affection. And everything would be okay.
It’s not so.
He was lying to himself.
He however isn’t sure what his coming step should be, so he concentrates on the breathing and sends a quick smile to the lovely woman next to him before speeding up. She yells at him and matches his pace without any trouble whatsoever. It fills him with warmth.
They’re on their 22nd lap when the team arrives. Ji-an goes for a quick shower before the second team comes and Dong-hoon relaxes next to his teammates. There’s a new face and Dong-hoon stretches his palm in a greeting. Je-Cheol is down with flu and persuaded his brother-in-law to step in for the game.
“Ju Ji-seok,” the younger man introduces himself and Dong-hoon shakes his hand. The young man asks them lots of questions about their strategy and preferences and he has to laugh. His sister’s husband didn’t prepare him in the slightest.
“Just have fun,” Dong-hoon tells him with a friendly pat on the back. They never were in for winning, it was simply another reason to spend time together, to have fun. And yes, it was another opportunity to have a drink or two. They were men, there was no point in denying it.
All too soon they need to be on the field and only then Dong-hoon sees Ji-an returning to the benches. She waves to him and sits down to watch. The newer player is immediately introducing himself and Dong-hoon it’s stung with a sliver of jealousy. The man is pleasant and younger and definitely more fitting partner for Lee Ji-an.
Gi-hoon yells at him to take a side and he must concentrate on the game but more than once his eyes wander to the benches, mostly when Ju Ji-seok is there. Dong-hoon knows that he doesn’t have any right to be jealous. Ji-an is his friend, nothing more but the idea of her spending time with another man, another man knowing her secrets and her smiles being seen by anyone else than him. It’s a distraction. A terrible one.
He still tries, scores one goal and pretends that he doesn’t care what’s happening behind his back.
But he looks again and sees the young man whispering something to Ji-an, her lips curving in a smile and his heart is suddenly beating too fast because yes, it can be as simple as this. A younger amn, without too much baggage and whole lot of other people depending on him can be perfect for her, can make her happy. Lee Ji-an deserves all the happiness in the world and he might be the one reason why she isn’t reaching for it.
Dong-hoon is too distracted by his heart breaking to notice the ball going his way, neither the player from the opposite team. He feels the impact first, then the pain and then the world goes black for a while.
…
Ji-an is accustomed to take quick showers, it’s not something that she brought with herself from previous life. It’s the comfort she got used to, having more time in the morning to sleep in, changing so she can watch ahjussi playing. She doesn’t mind it at all.
The game already started when she emerges and find an unknown young man occupying the bench assigned to their team.
He smiles at her and moves further down to allow her to sit. It’s easy to start a conversation, much easier than it used to be and soon he’s telling her funny family stories of Je-cheol’s fights with his wife. Ju-seok is entertaining but Ji-an cannot help but look for her ahjussi on the field. She loves to observe him so immersed in the game, he’s concentrated his brows furrowing and using his full strong body. Yes, she’s enjoying watching him doing something physical.
She always found Park Dong-hoon handsome, but it was his kindness making him so. But since she came back to Seoul and met this happier version of her ahjussi, she was understanding how physically attracted to him she was as well. When they were running next to each other, Ji-an often found herself marveling how he was towering over her. She could easily hide in his shadow. Her ahjussi always made her feel safe, but now more than ever she was wondering how it would feel if he would envelop her fully into his arms. Would any part of her visible to the world?
A scream from the field brings her her attention back to the game and she watches as he takes the ball and starts running towards the net, passing the ball to Gi-hoon and charging ahead. Next the ball is back with Dong-hoon and charges quickly forward, his attack results in a goal and Ji-an jumps up to celebrate with the rest of the team.
Ju Ji-seok continues to try to pull her into conversations and she can admit to herself that he’s sweet and funny but it’s impossible to give him enough attention with ahjussi in her line of sight. She tries, she really should get over her ridiculous crush and try to move on. There was a colleague in Busan who invited her out, but that was too soon. Then her roommate’s brother, who comes over a little bit too often for his sister’s liking and now Je-cheol’s brother-in-law is trying a little too hard to get her attention.
Maybe she can finally give them a chance, find out if there’s more than pining for a man 20 years her senior who changed her life.
Ji-seok leans closer to her and starts whispering another funny story, this time from his work and she can’t help but giggle. He’s a fun company.
There’s a yell coming from the field and they both look up just as the opposite team player runs into Park Dong-hoon in a full force. Her ahjussi falls to the ground and Ji-an is on her feet before she can think. Gi-hoon and Sang-hoon are already kneeling next to their brother who is bleeding quite heavily from his nose.
Ji-an pushes between them and presses a handkerchief under his nose. There are scratches on his face too but otherwise he looks well.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he mumbles and tries to shove Sang-hoon of him. His older brother is checking his head quite inquisitively.
“Get him up and to the bench,” she instructs a bit too louder to get their attention, but it works like a charm. The crowd around them moves and the brothers pull him up between them. He seems stable enough on his feet, but they still hold his arms all the way to the seat. Ji-seok is already up and passes Ji-an a towel from his bag.
They sat him down and Ji-an ushers them back to the field. Then she turns to Dong-hoon.
“How are you feeling, ahjussi?” she asks holding on the towel and waiting for him to tell her what he needs. He looks at her and grimaces, the handkerchief almost fully red now.
“The bleeding won’t stop,” he answers removing it from his face for a moment. There’s still a stream of blood going down his nose. Best would be to get him into the bathroom, but she’s afraid he might faint, so she instructs him to lie down while she looks around. Someone brought a portable fridge and she dugs out few ice cubs which she rolls inside the towel.
She’s thinking what the best way would be to help him hold up to his nose when an idea strikes.
“Raise your head a bit,” she asks him and slides on the bench, then maneuvers his head on her lap. Then she can easily hold the towel to his face. What she didn’t realize is that the only face he would be looking is hers. Her ahjussi is observing her quietly, as if he was trying to read her thoughts. It’s both exciting and distracting.
“Is this okay?” she sounds breathless even to herself.
“Mhm,” he nods and closes his eyes. He’s probably tired, he left Jung-hee’s after 1 and picked her up at 7 for their run. He’s definitely tired but Ji-an imagines he’s comfortable in her presence as well, that being close to her is easing his pain. She wants to be there for him always. It’s extremely difficult not to be reminded of what he did for her. If not for him…
Ji-an pushes away the darker thoughts and looks down at her ahjussi. She can’t help herself and reaches down to caress his hair. It’s sweaty and soft and she can see him release a breath. Maybe he isn’t hating her touch, maybe he can learn to enjoy it. It gives her further initiative to push her hand through his hair.
“Is it better?” she asks after a moment hoping to gauge whether she should stop. She doesn’t feel she can. Helping him to ease his pain seem a good enough excuse to continue doing so, but still, it can make him uncomfortable. She still remembers the violent reaction he had when she tried to kiss him.
“Mhm,” he murmurs. “Thank you.”
So, she continues.
…
Dong-hoon almost melts under her touch. He can feel every cell in his body craving for her attention. He can imagine how it looks, his head in her lap, her hands in his hair. To anyone, their interaction would look intimate, but he doesn’t care and makes a note to come up with few very good excuses how to overstate his injury.
He pretends to dose off and enjoys the feelings of Ji-an soft yet firm thighs under his head, her smell enveloping him and her small fingers playing with his hair. Even with the pain still pulsing in his head and nose, Dong-hoon feels in heaven. He hopes that once he wakes up, he would be able to feign his feeling for the girl away.
All too soon the final whistle sounds throughout the field and her fingers stop immediately.
“Hey, Dong-hoon, how’s your head?” someone’s asking, and he opens his eyes and pushes himself up from his comfortable position. Ji-an catches the towel and he can see that the bleeding has thankfully stopped. He nods to her his thanks and stands up. There’s no lightheadedness at all.
…
“You don’t have to come with me,” ahjussi repeats once they’re in the car. They had this argument once already but then she had support of his brothers. Thankfully, she’s already in the driver seat and he can’t really throw her out. She doesn’t have her license for long but he lets her drive often enough to gain confidence. It’s another thing to be added to the never-ending list of things she should be thankful for.
“Don’t argue with me, it’s either this or I will drive you to the hospital,” Ji-an gives him a side-glare and notes the small smile he gives in return. It happens more and more, she wants to do something for him, he tries to argue but lets her in the end. Maybe it’s a habit, maybe it’s him trying to get back some sense of normalcy. Ji-an keeps hoping it’s something entirely different.
He tells her that she doesn’t need to do this few more times, when she’s parking his car, when they’re waiting for the elevator, and it distracts her from realizing she’s going to be inside his apartment. That was one line they haven’t crossed yet. They always met at restaurants, cafes or Jung-hee’s. She cooked for him at their friend’s place as well.
There really wasn’t a good reason for her roommates which she could use and invite ahjussi to her place, so no, there was never an opportunity, and she feels butterflies in her stomach watching him open his front door. It’s ridiculous to think that something can happen between them just because she’s entering his home but Ji-an cannot help herself. She’s feeling hopeful. It’s been different between them since last night and no matter how scared she’s, she knows she would take the leap with her eyes closed.
“I should shower first, I’m disgusting,” her ahjussi notes smelling her shirt.
“Women find sweaty men attractive,” she notes training through his living room. There are pictures of his family everywhere, his brothers, his son and even his ex-wife. She stops by the one from Jung-hee’s, she’s on it as well between all the ahjussis. She can’t help but smile at it.
“That cannot be true,” he exclaims.
She turns to him with a grin. “It is. Don’t you find sweaty women attractive?” she asks teasing.
Her ahjussi pretends to be thinking for a moment. His brow furrowing. He looks incredibly cute like this.
“Only the ones I like,” he answers and walks toward the shower. Ji-an is left pondering his answer. It can mean absolutely nothing but let herself believe just for a moment. While ahjussi was in the shower, she kept herself busy browsing through his book collection. There are mainly books on structural engineering but there is fiction as well, and to her surprise, poetry. She pulls one of poem collections and makes herself comfortable on the couch. There’s no reason for her to wait around nervous. This is Park Dong-hoon, a man she knows better than she knows herself. Whatever will happen won’t erase their past and as hopeful she wants to be, she’ll help him with his injuries and leave.
“I’ll bring the first air kid,” her ahjussi calls from the bathroom before she manages to get to the second page. When he comes out, he’s already dressed in cotton pants and soft grey jumper and is holding the white box in his hands. Ji-an puts the book on the coffee table and stands up.
“Sit there,” she motions towards the dining table and Dong-hoon passes her the kit before moving to the chairs. She opens the kit pulling out the disinfectant, cotton swabs and plasters. Dong-hoons sits down and waits, she concentrates on preparing what she would need but cannot help but look at him. He’s sitting down calmly observing her quite openly. It’s natural, she tells herself, she’s going to be doing what could potentially hurt him, of course he watches her.
It’s still unnerving her.
…
He should be worried about having her in his space. It’s not proper, unmarried woman and divorced man shouldn’t be together alone in a non-public space. Dong-hoon knows all that but he knows he would never do something that would make Ji-an uncomfortable. He knows her too well.
“I’m going to disinfect the wounds first, it might sting a bit,” she informs him before moving closer. He opens his legs on instinct and she steps between them. It’s the closest they ever been and Dong-hoon feels like he needs to stop breathing. Surely this is wrong, surely something is going to happen, someone is going to ring on his front door and tell him that he shouldn’t allow this lovely young woman so close to him. But nothing happens, she taps the cotton few times on the scratches on his nose and does the same for ones on his cheek. It doesn’t hurt at all. He wants to tell her it’s not necessary.
He doesn’t and not just because he’s a selfish man.
Ji-an is quick and effective, and soon she’s placing the plaster over his nose.
“Done,” she says and smiles, collecting everything and adding it back to the kit. She can step away now, leave, and break the strangeness around them. But she doesn’t and he feels his hearth speeding up.
There are many words at the top of his tongue. Between thank you’s and words teasing her for babying him, what comes out, it’s not entirely unexpected.
“Do you still like me?” it comes out as a half-whisper but Ji-an stills immediately. Dong-hoon can see her unmoving hands reaching for the first aid kit. She was probably planning to give it to him and step away, few moments later and it would be all done. Not more tension, neither awkwardness.
He has either the best, or the worst timing.
Ji-an slowly turns to him, holding her hands close to her stomach.
She’s looking directly to his eyes, as if to understand if the man she knows would be cruel to her, if he would be teasing her like this and Dong-hoon hopes very much that he’s not giving her any such indication.
Her nod is almost imperceptible and he’s more than sure he would miss it if he wouldn’t be so concentrated on waiting for it.
His hands start itching and he flexes them few times. There’s too much happening now. Too many opportunities, to many obstacles to overcome. He didn’t want to allow himself this, loving Ji-an was impossible just few months ago. But now, now it’s very much the opposite.
She’s looking directly into his eyes, waiting for his next step. Ji-an is not taking the initiative and he’s glad for that. It needs to be him, with her consent of course.
“Can I kiss you?” he breaths out before the sense makes itself known, before he would let all the no’s out before he would be once again sane.
This nod is a bit more pronounced but Dong-hoon needs more assistance, more certainty and continues holding Ji-an’s look, waiting for anything telling him she doesn’t really want this. He goes really slow, raising his hands to her face. He envelops her cheeks fully, caressing his chin, giving her more and more time but this time it’s her who’s impatient.
While Dong-hoon is waiting for someone to stop him, Ji-an leans on his shoulders and dips her head.
The kiss is soft and slow, just a simple touch but he can feel his body tightening, preparing to pull her closer. He resists and pulls away.
“Okay?” he asks raising his eyes and looking up to hers.
She nods again, a small smile playing at the corner of her lips.
He moves one of his hands to her waist and draws her closer. They continue kissing, still slow and gentle, his hand not moving just holding onto her. Her hands are kneading the muscles of his neck and he can help moaning when she scratches at his head. Ji-an knows very much what she’s doing because even as he stops kissing her, she keeps holding onto his arm. Hard.
He can’t help himself but respond.
“More?”
“Yes,” comes out and then Ji-an is maneuvering his arms around her body and making herself comfortable in his lap. He doesn’t know how many deep breaths he needs to take to not let her know what everything he wants from her. It’s soon, too soon and if he’s taking this foolish leap, he needs to be entirely sure.
His life is at stake.
…
Ji-an can’t wrap her head around what’s happening. Did her ahjussi really ask her if he can kiss her? Is he now holding onto her waist? Was she truly brave enough and slid into his lap? It’s happening too fast, yet too slow. He’s extremely careful with her but she wants everything now, no more waiting and wondering. Ji-an can simply feel now.
His thighs under her, sturdy and comfortable at the same time. His arms which now fully settled around her, his lips trailing down her neck. He’s everywhere, he’s with her, stable, real. It’s perfect.
She feels his hardness, warm and insistent and she wants everything what he’s willing to give.
A shrilling noise comes from the table behind them and her ahjussi quickly turns to grab at his phone. She can see it’s his mother and is about to stand up when he tightens his arms around her waist as he picks up.
“Yes?” he answers and looks at her with a smile that takes over his whole face.
It’s not difficult to guess what’s the conversation about as her ahjussi keeps reassuring his mother that he’s fine and doesn’t need her to visit neither go to the hospital. He’s patient with her, explaining what exactly happened and that no, he isn’t alone even though he doesn’t exactly say who he’s with.
“I think we’ve got a bit ahead of ourselves,” he notes with a grin once the call ends, his hands caressing her back. She can feel his fingers sliding under her shirt.
She can’t help but blush, she was a bit impatient, that was certainly true.
“I don’t mind,” she replies and uses the opportunity to touch his face. He lets her, closes his eyes and Ji-an thinks about everything she imagined she would do if he would be close enough. She kisses his face, his hands, pulls at his shirt and her ahjussi obeys her every single unspoken command. It couldn’t be more perfect.
Lee Ji-an feels loved, whole and crosses her arms behind Dong-hoon’s neck to close the last remaining space between them.