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The first time Michelle’s skin delivered a message from her soulmate she was five. Her mother was with her, driving the car as quickly as possible. There were suitcases and bags thrown inside the little space of the car and Michelle was squished between them all. She didn’t complain though, because she remembered the rule that said she mustn’t complain.
It started off as a normal day, with her Mom’s and Dad’s yells and screams echoing throughout the entire house. She was used to it, though. That was normal for their family and Michelle didn’t mind anymore. So she pulled herself off her bed and started getting ready for school when suddenly the entrance door slammed loudly and hurried steps came closer and closer to her room until her Mom was standing there, framed by the doorframe. Her hair was a mess and her eyes red and puffy.
She smiled at Michelle and bent down to be at eye level with the little girl. “Hey, I have a surprise for you.” Her left eye was getting blue and purple. Sometimes it happened. And every single time, her mother covered it with her makeup. But today she didn’t seem to mind it. She just kept on smiling at Michelle. “Today there’s no kindergarten. We’re going to go on a field trip. What do you say, Pumpkin?”
Despite the question, Michelle knew it wasn’t really up to her, so wordlessly – not that it was any different than usual – she started helping her mother pack everything they might need. In Michelle’s opinion, they took too many things with them, but her Mom didn’t explain anything and Michelle didn’t ask. So that was how she found herself stuck inside their beat-up car with loud music blasting through the radio, probably to cover her mother’s sobs.
She glanced out the window of the car when she felt it – a soft, warm tingle on her left arm. Curious, she looked down and pulled the sleeve of her torn-up dress to discover a little, shaky flower scribbled on her arm, near the wrist. She blinked at it once and twice before touching it carefully. And, just like that, the confusion and sadness of that day went away, replaced by a strange, warm feeling.
Michelle was five, but she had never uttered a single word in her life. Her father looked down on her and claimed she was damaged. Her mother was only worried and tried taking her to different doctors to see what the problem was, but eventually it always came down to the fact that Michelle, apparently, just didn’t find a reason to talk. She chose to be quiet all the time because there was no need for words in her opinion.
And yet when she saw that flower a million words flashed through her mind, longing to be voiced. There was no question regarding what the source of the flower was. The teachers always explained to the kids about their soulmates and about how soulmates could pass words, feelings and sometimes thoughts to one another. The connection between the soulmates was the only limit people could have.
Most of the kids her age had already gotten their first drawings or scribbles on their skin before, which made Michelle pretty sure she didn’t have any soulmate in the world. It could always be that they haven’t been born yet, but something inside her whispered that they were alive. Or didn’t exist at all.
And yet here it was – a sign from someone out there who was her other part, her missing piece. Her soulmate. She touched the flower again and smiled down at it, mouthing words without saying them out loud. Through the review mirror she was aware of her mother’s eyes trained on her curiously, but Michelle didn’t try and explain it to her Mom. It was… personal. The one thing she felt like keeping to herself.
Her mother’s soulmate was her best friend. She died when they were in high-school and ever since Michelle’s mother’s been wandering around the world, trying to find peace and quiet without her other half. It sounded ridiculous to Michelle until that moment. She just didn’t understand what the big fuss was about. Soulmates… big deal. She managed to go through life without hers present and she was just fine. But now, looking down at the poorly scribbled flower, she felt a surge of happiness. Whoever it was on the end of her connection, they could probably feel she was feeling bad and chose to try and lift her spirit.
“Pumpkin, are you okay back there?” Her mother asked and Michelle nodded, her eyes firmly fixed on the flower. Her flower. Carefully, when her mother wasn’t looking, she snatched her phone from her bag and snapped a photo of the flower. Her flower. Hers.
The first time Michelle FELT her connection to her soulmate was when she was eight and sleeping in bed. It’s been a long day, with her Mom busy with her work and the kids at school bullying her for staying completely silent and with her nose deep down her books. She was also aware of the fact that somewhere inside her mother’s room was a letter sent by her Dad, and she didn’t know what to think about it, especially because her Mom wouldn’t let her read it no matter what.
Flower, her soulmate, tried to soothe and comfort her the best he could without actually being with her, able to hug and touch and pat. She wasn’t the kind of person who longed to be loved by others. She never wanted her mother to smother her. But she found herself craving her Flower’s touch more and more the longer they talked. And yet they had straight rules – no real names, no specific details about their families and lives. Only the things that made them who they were without exposing their identities. So Michelle knew he lived in Queens, New York. She knew he was smart, possibly even smarter than her. She knew he had a best friend that loved almost the same things as Flower did. She knew he was a nerd and that he loved being called Flower by her because he thought it was cute that she gave him her own name. She knew he wrecked his brain for over a month before he found a name for her to fit her personality the best he could. And although at first Michelle found the name Star pretty sappy and stupid, she liked the reason that he had behind it.
According to Flower, the stars were high above, out of reach for mere mortals. They shined and glowed and shared their essence with others without a word of complaint The stars were always quiet, not talking or singing or humming. They kept to themselves but always watched and observed others because they cared and because that was what they did best. Also, He wrote back then, after giving her that name and trying to convince her it wasn’t as bad as she thought. Stars are the most beautiful things in the entire world. I live in New York, so I never get to see them, but maybe one day I’d go out and look for them. I hope I’ll at least find one. And that made Michelle roll her eyes at the cheesiness of her soulmate, and yet feel giddy, because this boy, whoever it was, wanted to meet her someday in the future.
Her Flower’s attempt at making her feel better throughout the day made her feel special, because she knew for a fact that he actually had a pretty good life to live and yet he decided to spend his day writing to her on their hands, legs, stomach and every other surface they could think of. It made her feel better because someone cared about her enough to give her the time of day. But she wanted him there, with her, and that was just impossible, because how could she get to him when he was in New York and she was all the way down in Miami?
I wish you were here, She wrote on a whim and not a second later her words were surrounded with flowers that looked like a five-year-old drew them. Seriously, if there was one thing her Flower couldn’t do, it was drawing. Even the simplest flowers looked horrible when he drew them, but she still loved every single one of them.
I wish I could be there, my star. He replied swiftly. But until I can come to you, I’ll write as much as I can whenever you need me to. I promise. And she believed him entirely. She was eight and stupid and probably didn’t understand the world all that much, but one thing in this world would never change – her Flower would always – ALWAYS – be there for her. And if she really needed him to, he would fly all the way to Miami for her. She was certain of it.
Her mind took her back to the stories he told her about his best friend. They liked hanging out together. They practically grew up alongside each other. They were neighbors so they used to always visit one another at any possible moment and no one could stop them. They were both unpopular but didn’t really mind it because they had company in each other, which meant they were never alone.
Best friends sounded nice.
Michelle’s best and only friend was, and will always be, her soulmate. She wasn’t getting along with others because she refused to talk. She didn’t know what her voices sounded like herself, which always made her mother tease her, telling her it would probably sound terrible anyway. The kids didn’t like her because she preferred her books over their company. She always ditched them or lost her focus to be able to read and it made her the different, freaky girl. The unsocial one. Was she really unsocial? Probably. But none of them really made her want to leave her books and own head. She was happy in there, and the only person who got to actually know her was her Flower. She had a feeling even her mother didn’t know her as much as he did.
It made her sad, thinking about how Flower had his own best friend that wasn’t her when all she had was him. She never told him that, though. She just knew he would feel guilty about it. He would try and convince her she was, in fact, the closest person he had in his life. He would lie just like that to make her feel better. And she didn’t want that.
I’m going to bed.
Oh. His writing wavered a little, like he was surprised or sad at her sudden departure. But Michelle couldn’t stand the thought of talking to him right now. She needed to sleep and end this day already. She could only hope tomorrow would be better. Sweet dreams, star.
She only drew a star in return, not feeling like returning the greeting. So she went to sleep, feeling terrible, and then the flashes started. They were flashes of dreams she could barely follow. First she was walking amongst plenty of other people, holding the hands of two smiling adults that looked down at her with love in their eyes. They weren’t familiar but she couldn’t get rid of the feeling that she did, somehow, recognize them. Then she was in a crowd, watching as Iron-man dropped from the sky, landing perfectly on a stage to the cheers of thousands of people. The next moment Michelle found herself running, desperately trying to grab ahold of her parents’ hands but the crowd pushed her this way and that until she couldn’t find them anymore. She was all alone, scared and panicked. She blinked and found herself with her arm raised in front of her face, aimed at a nearing flying robot that was about to blast her to bits. Then Iron-man landed in front of her, took down the robot and flew out of there, muttering “good job, kid” quickly. When Michelle blinked again she was alone, surrounded by rubble and destruction. There were a few people not too far away, screaming the names of others or hugging while crying. But Michelle’s eyes were focused on the still figures on the ground not too far away. Then she was right there, hugging her mother and shaking her father but they didn’t move or respond at all.
And then she woke up with a start, heaving and trying to see clearly despite the darkness. That is, until she realized that there were tears streaming down her face. She felt miserable and sad and… sorrowful. She felt absolutely wrecked but it didn’t make any sense because it was nothing but a dream. Those brown eyes of the still lady and the brown, curly hair of the dead man were nothing but things her imagination had created.
But… but maybe it wasn’t. Because the awful feeling of loss and grief didn’t leave and Michelle pressed her palm against her chest before letting the blanket fall off her figure. She walked silently towards the living room and stayed behind the couch. Her mother was there, like she always was after a long day at work. She was watching the news without realizing her daughter was up and right over her shoulder.
Michelle watched as the news showed a familiar scene of the ruined Stark Expo after, according to the newsman, robots tried to take over the Iron-man suits and kill Tony Stark. According to the news there were a couple of people who died in there. They didn’t mention their names or put up their photos so Michelle couldn’t really check this, but she was sure – she was so sure – her soulmate was over there right now, sobbing over his parents’ bodies.
A choked-up sob escaped her lips, alerting her mother to her presence. For a moment her Mom scolded her for being awake at such a late hour, but then she noticed the horrified and miserable expression of her daughter mixed with the tears still rolling down and she crouched in front of her and hugged Michelle tightly, whispering in her ears and trying to soothe her.
“Honey, it’s okay. You’re okay, Pumpkin. You’re safe.” Her Mom tried to chant calmly, but Michelle shook her head, still staring at the TV with wide, watery eyes. Her mother held her tightly in her arms until Michelle stopped crying and found herself helpless and useless. Without a word, her mother handed her a pen and Michelle grabbed it and quickly pulled the sleeve of her shirt up.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry, my flower. I’m with you. Just tell me what I can do to help. Just talk to me.
It felt like hours before a response appeared on her hand. It was almost unreadable, clearly shaken and unsteady. Michelle’s heart ached at the sight of her calm and collected soulmate being broken and smashed against the ground.
Don’t leave me.
And although he didn’t write anything else after that, Michelle kept on writing to him whatever jumped into her head. She kept on writing until it was already morning, and when her mother let her stay home, she kept on writing after her Mom left for work, fighting the sleep that threatened to whisk her away with all her might. Her Flower needed her. She had to be there for him.
She only stopped three hours later, when Flower told her to go and sleep. He told her he would try and sleep too, and although she was certain he won’t really fall asleep, she complied and went to bed, her eyes closing the moment she let her head fall onto her pillow.
Spider powers?
YES! Her soulmate wrote frantically. She could feel his excitement, as clear as day. His thoughts came jumbled and in torn up pieces, but she could tell he wasn’t kidding. He was being serious and she needed to understand that. But it was just hard to believe a guy that claimed he got bit by a random spider and woke up the next day with superpowers.
That night was terrible. Flower got sick after the bite and wrote to her until he finally managed to fall asleep. His fright and confusion filled her heart and some random thoughts cut through her head, making Michelle feel dizzy from the effort put into trying to separate her own thoughts from his.
Soulmates who could share thoughts were rare. It meant the connection was deeper than most and was steady and strong. Powerful. She was still shocked about the whole thing. Hearing her soulmate’s thoughts in the middle of a lesson in middle school wasn’t something she was expecting, and her reaction was to jump in her seat and look around for the source of the voice whispering in her head until she realized, with Flower’s help, that it was him, making her head his own as well. It was scary.
It was amazing.
He kept on writing. Look, I know it sounds crazy but I’m serious! I went on this field trip with my class and this crazy, huge spider bit me. And then I got sick and woke up with the ability to stick to walls and crush my alarm clock to bits.
You crushed your alarm clock?
Not the point! He wrote even faster, his letters started molding into one another, making it hard to understand the words. Michelle thought back to all those times she had to try and read his messages on her skin when they were both young and new to the whole ‘writing’ thing. His letters were horrible. HORRIBLE. Star, I have superpowers! This is amazing and awesome! What if I manage to figure out a way to get out there and be a hero, like Iron-man? Think about it!
A pang of guilt and sadness made its way into Michelle’s head and she knew it wasn’t hers. She pursed her lips and sighed. Her Flower, her poor Flower, was still thinking about his uncle’s murder all the time. He was absolutely devastated when it had happened and kept on telling Michelle it was his fault. The way her head filled with those words for over a month made her sick and despite trying to help, she could tell every time she tried to comfort him, Flower only felt worse. So she let him sulk in his own guilt and hoped he would get over it at some point in time. He didn’t deserve to deal with such a thing.
What do you think?? He wrote after a while, understanding she wasn’t going to reply.
I think you’re crazy and mad and ridiculous and an absolute idiot. She wrote and he drew a sad smiley that made her smile and keep on writing. But it’s exactly who you are and I know nothing is going to stop you, so just promise me you’re going to be careful. Okay?
Warmth filled her but this time Michelle couldn’t tell who it belonged to. Okay.
You call that careful?! She wrote quickly, staring at the healing wound on her torso. It was clearly made a knife. And it went deep. Luckily, she couldn’t feel the pain, only see the wound. Sadly, her Flower’s agony was more than enough for her head to pound.
Not now, my star. His thoughts swirled in her mind, slow and miserable. You can scold me all you’d like once I’m healed, alright? Just… Oh, shit. That hurt. Michelle scrunched up her nose at the sight of the wound. Yeah, it looked very painful. She saw the news – they showed Spider-man swinging around, fighting this gang of armed thugs who tried to rob a bank. One of them had a knife and managed to cut through Spidey’s stomach before he got webbed to the ground alongside his buddies.
That was the moment when she felt the tingle in her torso, and there it was – this ugly, really terrible looking wound. She tried not to throw up at the sight of it, honestly. That was really bad. Really, really bad. But, she noticed, it started healing already. It looked weeks-old after only five minutes. Her eyes snapped back to the TV and she saw the camera focusing on the image of Spider-man sitting on a rooftop and pressing his hand against the bleeding. His left hand was in front of him and the sleeve was pulled up so he would be able to read her words.
She couldn’t suppress her smile at the sight. They were in different states and yet managed to talk to each other. Michelle couldn’t even bring herself to talk to her classmates and teachers. But a boy from New York? Sign her up!
On the screen, Spidey tilted his head as if listening and then he burst out laughing and her head started to buzz from happiness and contentment and love.’
Love?
God, I wish you were in New York. I think you’d like it here. I know the people are all crappy, but they are crappy everywhere. It’s just… it always feels alive in here. The city that never sleeps and all that, y’know?
It still amazed her that her Flower managed to get the whole think-into-your-soulmate’s-mind just like that. He used it all the time when he couldn’t write and didn’t even have to concentrate to do it. Michelle had to think only about her thoughts and about her Flower to be able to deliver him her thoughts like that. And even then he told her they sounded like an echo from far away. Or like they had bad service and the words were cut. Maybe it had something to do with talking with your mouth. Michelle couldn’t get it because she had never uttered a single word before. And she was already fourteen! Her mother was okay with it, by now, but she still tried to make Michelle understand she had to use her words to start living for real.
I wonder what my voice sounds like. She wrote down and then felt a surge of pride coursing through her. She lifted her brow at that and awaited her Flower’s words to wash over her.
When you tried talking to me in my head… I think I heard it. Your voice. Unless it’s what you imagine it sounds like. He hesitated a moment. It’s kinda low and raspy. Not like someone who smokes, but like… like someone who doesn’t talk too much. Someone who just woke up.
Michelle frowned. Sounds horrible.
I love it. She could hear the smile in his voice ringing in her head and a smile tugged at her lips as well, making her giddy and happy. He liked her voice. He liked her voice. He liked her voice. I love you.
The words danced around in her head and she blinked, surprised at their sudden appearance. Clearly, her Flower was just as shocked because suddenly their connection was cut short and Michelle felt lonely and abandoned. She didn’t expect that. Flower usually warned her before he cut their connection. It always hurt. Like a part of her got ripped away and she was left with a gaping hole. And it was so quiet. Instead of feeling and hearing her Flower’s thoughts and emotions, she was all by herself with her confusion and hurt and misery.
The first time their connection got cut was after they realized they could go that deep. They were both ecstatic to find out they could write, feel and think together, to the point where they weren’t careful anymore. So when her Flower was about to think about his name and they both realized what was going to happen, he pulled away and broke it. It was so sudden that Michelle found herself bent over in her room, gasping for air and grasping for something she could hold because this was too much to handle.
After that it took them a while to let themselves be exposed like that. They kept on writing, but they kept their walls firmly up so that the other couldn’t slip back in. But it was hard. It was so hard to stay away after the first taste of actually being almost one and the same that they both slipped up, allowing emotions to pass between them every once in a while. And then her Flower’s thoughts started cutting through her silent head and she let him in, making sure he could tell she was okay with it. So he came back and spoke in her head and she felt like his voice and presence were a drug she couldn’t get enough of.
But now… now Michelle didn’t know what to think. Her Flower said he loved her. Well, actually he thought that in their heads, but it was close enough. And then he cut their connection off all at once, just like he did that very first time and it hurt even more this time. It left her aching and angry and confused and hurt. The pain in his flesh was probably nothing compared to the thundering pain that filled her entire body. Because it wasn’t just their skin anymore. It was their heart and it was their mind. They opened them up freely for each other and now he pushed her away and she felt naked and alone and lost.
For a few moments she felt nothing at all. She just kept on sitting on her bed, staring at the wall and trying hard not to lose it completely. And then she felt the familiar tug of her Flower trying to get back inside. Asking for her permission. Her eyes scanned the TV screen where they were still discussing Spidey’s fight while showing the red and blue vigilante sitting and blocking the blood with his hand. He didn’t move at all, just sitting there, breathing heavily. He was hurting too, she knew. And he tried to get inside. He tried to come back, but… but she blocked it and sent one feeling through to him. Well… it wasn’t entirely a feeling. It was more like a warning. A signal. Back off, it said. She felt one hesitant knock on her subconscious. He was practically begging to be allowed back inside, but she refused to budge and waited until she saw on the screen the image of Spider-man as he stood up on shaky legs, sent one final look at the camera and fled clumsily with his webs.
I’m sorry. He wrote over and over again on every exposed skin he could find that wasn’t visible above the clothes they had to wear. Michelle felt the tingle of his writing every few minutes or hours. He didn’t try to push through her barriers again and instead used their first way of communication. A pen and their skin. Michelle didn’t know what to think about his attempts and kept on ignoring him.
She shivered against her mother’s side on the couch in front of the TV when another tingle shook her. On her thigh, this time. She groaned and buried her face in her Mom’s shoulder, trying to hold herself together. Her mother smoothed her hair lightly and hummed.
“He’s still trying to apologize, I see.” She mused aloud and Michelle turned her head to look at her from her place on her shoulder. Her mother was smiling sadly down at her. “At least you know he doesn’t give up easily.” She tried to lighten up the mood but it didn’t help at all.
Michelle knew her Flower would never give up. He was like that since the moment they’d started talking. He was like that as Spider-man (even if her mother didn’t know about his alter ego), and he was like that now when Michelle refused to accept him again. Not yet, at least.
She could tell she was losing it with every passing day. The loss of their deepening connection left her breathless and she felt sick from keeping him away. She knew, even without feeling his emotions and hearing his thoughts, that he wasn’t feeling any better. They were both in pain after they used their connection to no end for so long and then had to learn how to cope without it at once. She knew they would both feel better if she’d just open up again, but she couldn’t. She was afraid of feeling this clean cut again. She was afraid of losing him again. She was sure it would hurt even more the next time and she didn’t want it to happen again. She didn’t want to feel it. She didn’t want any of it.
“Pumpkin, I know he hurt you. I know that. But you said his thoughts slipped. He was probably caught off guard and his first reaction was to retreat.” Her mother whispered in her ear. “And he was probably just as hurt as you were. I know you’re scared of getting hurt like that again, but let me tell you something from experience, honey.” She brushed Michelle’s cheek gently and the teenage girl closed her eyes, trying to hold her tears back. “I would rather get shoved like that everyday than live in a world where I can’t feel any of it anymore. I can only feel the pain you’re in right now, and it doesn’t get better with time, pumpkin. It doesn’t. And my connection wasn’t even as strong as yours. I don’t want to imagine what you must be feeling right now.”
Michelle’s tears escaped at long last and she silently let them fall onto her mother’s shirt, soaking it. But her Mom didn’t seem to care. She only hugged Michelle and let her be. A tingle on her finger made Michelle pull back and she looked straight into her mother’s eyes before kissing her cheek and going into her room, closing the door behind her.
She took in a deep breath before looking down at her hand. It was finally clean again apart from the latest message on her finger. So he cleaned the ink. Probably ran out of room. Hesitantly, she picked up a pen, sat on her bed and tapped it against her lip while reading his words.
I don’t mind if you keep me out of your head forever, my star. But please talk to me. Say something. Anything…
She wiped more tears from her cheeks and nose and then scribbled down, not caring about whether he would understand the words or not. I’m scared. I’m so scared, my flower. What if one day you’ll get out there and you’ll fight someone who’s going to be too much for you to handle and you’ll – She took in a shuttered breath and kept on writing. What if you die while sending your thoughts to me like that? What then? I don’t want this to be the last thing left from you!
Star…
What if you die as Spider-man? Then what? I’ll have to live here with this pain I’m feeling right now, only worse. And nothing would ever make it go away! I’ll be completely alone because you were too stupid to realize sometimes you need to sit things out and let others handle it.
He didn’t answer straight away and Michelle had the feeling he was reading her words time after time, trying to figure out how to reply to that. But nothing he would ever say change the truth ringing behind them. He was going to get himself killed, and if he died, their connection would die with him. What would be left of her then?
I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted this to be a burden for you to carry, my star. I never imagined it would be. I’m sorry.
Don’t be sorry. Say you’ll stop. say you’ll give Spider-man up. Promise me you’ll leave it behind you.
One minute passed by. Then another one and another one. And Michelle’s heart sank with the realization that her Flower, he soulmate, wasn’t going to give this one thing up. Not even for her. Her eyes stung and she bit her lip.
Go to hell, idiot!!
And she threw the pen at her table before pulling the sleeve of her shirt over their words before crawling under her blanket to cry herself to sleep.
Michelle walked through the crowd of people and tried to disappear between the sea of geeks and nerds. Seriously, going to this superhero event as her first thing to do in New York was probably one of her last choices in her very short list. And maybe she was just still moody.
Her mother told her, as gently as possible, that it was entirely her fault. And she was right. Kind of. It’s been a month since she last talked to her Flower about how he has to quit being Spider-man. He’s been trying to make her talk to him again ever since but she ignored his messages and tried focusing on her life instead.
They moved to New York. It would have been better had Michelle and her soulmate weren’t fighting, but it was still awesome, nonetheless. Michelle really did love the city. She watched the skyscrapers and the shops and people with her observant eyes. It was Summer still so she had a week and a half to adjust to her life in this city before she had to go to school.
Her Mom got a great job offer here so they’d been planning on moving to Queens – for Michelle. The plans were made before she cut her connection with her soulmate, but she still found it slightly better to be able to live in the same city as him. It felt less strained. Her head was getting less cloudy. She could feel the string connecting them tugging, pulling her towards him, but she refused to give up to the temptation and tried to help her mother.
Her mother who decided Michelle should go out and enjoy this lovely day in some geek event. Great. She even bought Michelle a costume. Which would have been awesome and cool had it not been for the costume itself. Because why did it have to be a female version of the Spider-man suit of all things?! At least it hid half her face with a mask that covered her forehead and nose. She covered her hair in a loose scarf and hid herself and her costume under a baggy hoodie.
When she looked around she noticed plenty of Iron-mans, Ant-mans, Black-widows and whatnot walking around. There were groups of geeks walking together. There were loners or duos roaming the area in their costumes. Michelle kept looking for Spider-mans between the colorful figures but managed to spot only two and they weren’t very impressive.
Carefully, she walked past the people until she reached a corner with no one near her. She sat on the floor with her back against the wall and sighed, adjusting her mask. It was nice of her mother to try and make her more social, but it was still futile. She wasn’t going to find friends in this place, and she wasn’t going to make friends without talking, which was going to be never, probably.
Her eyes watched the people around and she started counting the number of Deadpools walking around when a movement caught her attention. She looked up and her mouth fell open at the sight of a red and blue guy crawling on the ceiling, undetected by anyone except for her. She stood up, alarmed and confused. What was she supposed to do? Was she supposed to do something at all?
Spider-man – because it was obviously the real one – reached the wall in front of her and jumped down swiftly, reaching his hand to pull his mask on. That was the moment Michelle launched forward and slammed into him, making them both tumble to the ground. She sat up, blinking twice to clear her head and heard a groan from her right. A familiar one that made her heart flutter. God, she had no idea how much she’d missed him until this very moment.
“Ugh… what the hell?” He rubbed at his masked head and looked at her, lenses going slightly wide at the sight of her costume. Oh God, she was dressed like him, only… not. Thank you, Mom. “Oh my Gosh, are you alright?” He stood up quickly and bent down in front of her, reaching his hand forward to touch her, to examine her. To make sure she was alright. Michelle drew away immediately and his hand froze in the air between them before dropping to his side again. He cocked his head to the side, like a curious cat, and observed her silently for a moment. “S-sorry.”
He stood back up and offered her a hand to hold onto while standing up. Michelle just stared at him from her place on the floor, too stunned to actually move. He was here. Her soulmate was right in front of her and he was looking and talking to her and it was magical, even though it wasn’t magical at all. She felt like her head was going to explode from the string of connection, begging to be used again. She could see it in his tense shoulders and slightly stiff posture – that he could feel the same pain as well, only to him it didn’t mean anything.
He opened his mouth to speak when Michelle found herself jumping to her legs to step right into his personal space and brush her fingers against a cut in his suit. It wasn’t anything too bad and there was no blood. Maybe it was old and he was just too lazy to sew it back together. Maybe it was really just nothing more than a tiny scratch.
Instead of flinching away from her touch he seemed to melt right into it, as if he could tell she was someone special without actually knowing who she was. His lenses kept on watching her before his hand finally grabbed her and dragged it away, although she could tell he was reluctant to do so.
“Umm… okay. Completely normal.” He coughed awkwardly and then pointed over his shoulder vaguely. “I actually have to go… you know… enjoy the event and all that stuff.” He was clearly smiling under the mask, but it sounded almost wistful. He could tell. God, he could feel she wasn’t just a random stranger. He lifted his leg to take a step back only to let it fall back down to the same spot. “Do I know you?”
She thought about how she’s been keeping him away for so long. He was dangerous. He was a walking corpse. He was going to die and leave her to fend for herself in this cruel world. But… but it was her soulmate and he was right in front of her for the first time and how could Michelle not let him know? So she reached out her arm, hesitantly, for him to take. He didn’t even ponder it. He just held onto her hand tightly without taking his eyes off her. She couldn’t see his expression but she could still tell he was confused.
So she opened the gate between them after so long and without sending a single message through she saw the shoulders of Spidey drop in relaxation. His lenses narrowed, as if he was closing his eyes. But then he opened them again and he pulled her forward until she was between his arms, feeling complete for the very first time in her life. She wrapped her arms around his middle, sighing into his shoulder and enjoying the wave of pure confusion and happiness washing over her from him. His thoughts flooded her mind all at once, too chaotic to be deciphered by her.
But then he took in a deep breath and it was quiet again. Quiet, but full. He was there. He stayed there, in their shared space and she could tell he was trying to find the right words.
“You’re in New York. You’re…” He shook his head slightly and Michelle buried her masked face deeper in his shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind. “What are you doing here? When did you get here? I…” He didn’t finish that thought.
Michelle closed her eyes and tried to concentrate enough. Moved to Queens two days ago.
He laughed. “So that’s why it felt so…” He couldn’t describe it, so he just sent a vague feeling to her and Michelle nodded. Yes. That’s why it felt different. Because they were finally close to one another. “Wait, how’d you know I’d be here?”
Didn’t. Saw you on the ceiling. She smirked. Idiot.
What are you wearing, though? He decided to show off his better abilities at speaking through their mind, then. Great. Michelle hoped he could feel her resentment. If he did, he didn’t show anything. It looks like a cheap version of my suit, only… nothing like it.
She took a step back, away from his arms and punched his arm. He only laughed again. Mom bought it. Not my fault. Shut up. Michelle didn’t let him pull her into another hug, but she did keep her hand in his. Said you needed to go.
“Right.” He sounded sad and regretful. “My friend’s here. We agreed on coming together. You know… two complete geeks in their natural habitat.” He shrugged awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. “I… I can tell him I’m being held back. I can tell him I’d show up late.” He almost sounded desperate.
Her heart ached at that. She was the reason why he sounded so broken and miserable. He was afraid leaving her now would mean no more talking to her after she shut him out for so long. But she squeezed his hand before letting go, making sure their connection stayed just as strong.
Go. She urged him and she could tell he opened his mouth to protest. It’s fine. I won’t lock it again. I’m in the city now. I’m here.
And that seemed to do the trick. He hesitated a moment longer before nodding and pulling out a phone from God knows where. He waved at her enthusiastically while walking backwards. Nerd.
I’ll talk to you later, my star!
She smiled, aware that he could see that with her half mask. Later, my flower.
The second time Michelle has seen her soulmate’s face was when he stumbled into class, late, throwing an excuse into the air for their chemistry teacher. She just sighed and let him in, warning him about any further late appearances. Honestly, Michelle was sure it would be harder to recognize her soulmate for the first time without his mask or costume on because… why would she just look at someone and know it’s them? But the moment he opened the door he spoke up to explain why he was late to their teacher, which meant she recognized his voice in an instance.
The first time she didn’t, in fact, know it was him. It was on the news after the thing that happened with Spider-man and the Decathlon team of Midtown Tech at Washington DC. They interviewed the students from the team and then she saw him – Peter Parker. She wasn’t really focusing on the TV back then since she was too busy talking with her Flower with their messages to notice the familiar voice of the stuttering teen on screen.
But this time she just knew it was him without a shadow of a doubt. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly while making his way towards his seat. He didn’t look at her at all and just slumped in his seat and started whispering to the teen sitting next to him. So that must have been his best friend.
Only afterwards Peter lifted his head and looked around, scanning the classroom. He knew she was there. Not because of their connection, but because they both knew it was her first day at the school after her short break. She was pretty sure her heart stopped for a moment when Peter’s eyes fell on her. He stared at her for one moment, taking her in, before a smile spread on his face, making her smile too.
Peter Parker wasn’t tall. He was scrawny and nerdy and looked like a complete idiot with his shirt, supporting a horrible science pun. Michelle followed the waves of his curly, brown hair and stared right into his eyes, with their warm twinkle. And then he turned around, dug for something in his backpack, and turned to the teacher again, his right hand writing. Michelle’s heart swelled at the feeling of the familiar tingle on her left palm and she looked down to read the message.
Worst way to meet for the first time face to face, star. Absolutely, the worst.
She rolled her eyes. I could have been a villain. Then you would have had to fight me. Would that have been worse?
By the way his shoulders jerked she could tell he was suppressing a laugh. Beside him, his friend nudged him and pointed at his hand, but Peter just shook his head and kept on writing. Well aren’t you an optimist?
You wound me. And after a short pause, she continued. Why do you write it down if you can just talk to me? Do you WANT to get caught?
This time she did hear laughter, but it was in her head and it was the most addicting sound she’d ever heard in her entire life. It feels more real when I actually write it on my skin, y’know? Why won’t you try and speak up, my star?
Huffing, she scribbled away. You know it’s hard.
Well it’s not hard to me.
That’s it. I’m done talking to you. Let me focus on something other than you for a change. And with those words she clicked her pen closed loudly, enough to make sure Peter would hear it. He turned around in his seat to look at her, an amused smile on his face, before turning back to the board.
So, naturally, Michelle spent the rest of the lesson observing the teen sitting in front of her, desperately trying to keep her thoughts to herself for a change. It was, by all means, very easy.
The moment the bell rang for lunch Michelle found herself being whisked away by Peter’s strong hand. She managed to grab her backpack before being dragged out of the classroom, and slinged it over her shoulder, practically running to keep up with Peter’s pace. She couldn’t follow their direction because the whole place was still new to her, but she could feel the way he navigated without missing a beat between students.
And then she was in an empty classroom with the door closed and Peter standing in front of her, so close it was intoxicating. She held onto his hands, steadying herself with her dizzy mind. It was amazing. If felt amazing. He was amazing. They didn’t have the chance to be alone since the beginning of the day and now that they were… now she couldn’t help but feel like this was right. She wasn’t alone and she wasn’t being judged. She was standing in front of someone who knew her better than anyone else and who, she knew, would do anything for her. Except for giving up Spider-man, but whatever. She moved past that. She was just glad he was there now.
How’s your first day?
She squeezed his hands. Horrifying. She shrugged and looked into his eyes, feeling safe and secure. Feeling warm and wanted. Feeling like she mattered and like whatever she had on her mind wasn’t going to go to waste. Because he would take it all in and keep it for later. He would.
He smiled sweetly at her. The way he looked so innocent made her feel like she could trust him with anything. He would always be there to help. She just knew it. I really like you. Then he startled and shook his head. “S-sorry!” He blurted out. “Wasn’t supposed to pass over to you.” He tried to laugh it off but it was obvious he was nervous.
Michelle… wasn’t really surprised. He did tell her he loved her before. It was a mistake but the feelings that followed the thought matched the words and she couldn’t forget that no matter what. Telling her that he liked her wasn’t really a surprise. She felt, from a distance built by him, his thoughts as he tried to make a sense of whatever went through his head. It sounded kind of hard, thinking with all this noise.
Added to his endless, swirling thoughts, Peter actually tried to explain things to her out loud, with his actual voice. It made her frown from all the noise being made. Seriously, she needed some peace and quiet. She needed to think. She… she glanced at him before launching forward and kissing him quickly.
It was barely a peck but it shut him up at once. His thoughts were cut short and Michelle worried she might have actually short circuited his brain. Then his arms closed around her and she was pressed against his chest, smiling widely and feeling at home. She found herself looking into his eyes from such a close distance, she could probably count the freckles on his face. He looked right back.
My name’s Peter Parker, by the way. Although I’m pretty sure you already knew that. Even his thoughts sounded out of breath. It made no sense, and yet made all the sense in the world. The feeling of his fingers playing with her hair was just as intoxicating as everything else about him. He didn’t ask her for her name although it was obvious he wanted to.
Leaning her head on his shoulder, she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, the smell of clean clothes, plastic and a little bit of sweat filling her lungs. She liked it. She liked it a lot. “My name is Michelle Jones.” She said, testing her voice. Peter’s hands froze at it for a moment before he kept on twirling her curls around his finger. “My friends call me MJ.” She kind of liked her voice.
“I like it too.” He answered her thoughts and despite not getting a response to her spoken first words, she knew they meant the world to Peter Parker. Her soulmate. Her Flower. It was definitely worth the wait.