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Thoma found him there, covered in blood.
The entire office was wrecked, the doors and windows were opened wide. Marks of sword-swinging covering the furniture…or at least the last standing ones, all pillows, and chairs ripped from their stuffing.
He was standing there with his back facing Thoma, his grip on his sword loose. Bodies surrounded the young lord, stab and cut wounds protruding out of their twisted and mangled bodies.
Thoma gulped, stepping on the slippery blood and finally reaching his master.
"W-waka?" He asked him gently, his hands slowly reaching for his shoulders.
The blue-haired teen trembled under his touch, the sword dropping out of the teen's bloodied hand.
"Waka…are you okay?" Thoma asked again, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible.
Ayato answered in silence.
Worry filled him as he made Ayato face him.
A look of terror and shock was on the commissioner's face, his eyes going side to side as if looking for any danger. Aside from that, he doesn't seem to have any wounds, the blood on his white kimono that of his enemies.
Thoma sighed "Come here Waka." He whispered, pulling Ayato in his arms.
Ayato recoiled, his expression pained. "No, no, no. Please. Don't" he stuttered, trying to pull away desperately. "Please no no no"
"It's okay waka." he tried to soothe, placing a hand on his back.
Ayato lets out a muffled scream, He claws at Thoma’s wrist, trying to pry his hands away mindlessly. “Please…don’t…hurt…me…” he pleaded weakly, his eyes glassy from unshed tears.
The sight made Thoma’s chest tighten. It felt…so wrong to see his young master….look so scared. So frightened…
“Waka…you’re safe okay?” he ignored the scratch marks Ayato left on his wrists, pulling the thrashing teen closer. “You’re safe, I’m here. You’re safe now.”
His blue hair was slick with sweat and blood, but Thoma paid no attention as he ran his fingers through Ayato’s hair. Ayato’s protests softened at the gesture and soon he slumped against Thoma, weeping.
Thoma sighs, “Oh Ayato…”
He scoops the boy into his arms and leaves the room, closing the ruined door behind him.
To be honest, Thoma doesn’t know what to do next. This is the first time he’s seen an assassination attempt this large on his master. Usually, it's just poisons or petty reputation attacks…but to see a full battalion of assassins on the floor…
Thoma shakes his head. Decide what to do with the bodies later. He has to take care of his lord first.
Thoma carries him back to his room and locks the door.
The last thing he wants is for Ayaka to walk in and see her older brother in this state.
Going into the bathroom and placing Ayato on the countertop, he goes to the bathtub and starts filling it with warm water.
“Uh…waka, you don’t mind right?” he asked, gesturing towards Ayato’s kimono.
The young lord was silent for a moment but eventually, he nodded, lifting his arms feebly.
Thoma hummed gratefully at his master as he carefully pried the blood-red kimono from Ayato’s skin. The commissioner shivered heavily from the cold, watching with weary eyes Thoma carefully fold the kimono into the laundry basket.
Thoma then lifts his waka from the countertop and slides him gently into the warm tub.
Ayato lets out a little gasp, his face turning red from the warm steam of the bath.
As he watched Ayato sink his bloodied limbs into the tub, Thoma grabs a bar of soap and shampoo from a tray.
“My lord, can I?”
Ayato looks at him hesitantly before shaking his head.
“I…can do it….on my own…” he said, his voice too small.
Thoma frowned at that request but he let Ayato grab the bottle of shampoo and soap.
Leaving his waka alone in the bathroom, he decides to contact a member of the Shuumatsuban.
After reprimanding them a bit for not being able to figure out the plot (“What’s the point of being a ninja if you can’t even find out a murder plot?”), he sends them to dispose of the corpses as indiscreetly as possible. If Ayaka were to see them, Ayato would scold all of them even more.
Thoma exhales deeply, going back into the room and staring back at the bathroom door.
He…was taking a long time, Thoma realized as he nervously smoothened the sheets on his waka's bed.
He knew he shouldn't be worried, Ayato has handled a lot of assassination attempts before.
But has Ayato ever killed before?
Thoma waves away the thought. He knew Ayato was strong. He shouldn't even fret.
But his parents died of assassination…
Swallowing his dread, Thoma knocked on the bathroom door.
"Waka…are you alright in there?" He asked, pressing his ear against the door.
Intense scrubbing noises came from the door but there was no response.
He knew he should be relieved that there was movement inside but the void in his gut wouldn’t leave.
“Waka, I’m coming in to get the laundry basket okay?” he announced with a knock.
There was no response, the scrubbing noise became louder.
Now alarmed, Thoma burst into the bathroom.
Red and raw skin greeted Thoma. Ayato scratched the soap roughly against his too pale arm., the sounds of skin peeling away was sickening
“WAKA, STOP” Thoma grabbed onto his master’s wrist, pinning it against the tub’s edge.
Ayato pulls away, stubbornly rubbing the soap against his hands faster.
A low growl came from Thoma’s throat. He yanks Ayato’s arms and hits the reddened skin unto the edge.
Ayato’s hand jolts and as soon as the soap fell, Thoma grabbed it and put it away.
The Kamisato lets out a soft groan, cradling his bloodied arm.
Thoma felt the void in his heart grow deeper as he sat next to him with a sigh.
“Waka, why did you do that?” Thoma reached out a hand to the bruising arm “Do you want to hurt yourself more?”
“I….” the blue-haired teen grumbled, frustration painted on his face “I…just wanted to….ughhhh” he growled “You won’t understand.”
“Waka please-”
“NO, YOU DON’T” Ayato cuts him off. He stared at Thoma so…..so sadly. So desperately. His bare shoulders drew closer to his chest as if to close off himself “I…feel dirty….Thoma. I…never killed….Mama…papa…what do they think of me now?”
“They don’t think of you any differently-”
“Thoma…..I killed…a disarmed man” he breathes out “I could have….just…stopped…but I kept going…” his hands slowly went up to his head, his nails sliding down his scalp almost aggressively “I kept going and going until they were all dead…Thoma…” he looked at him, his eyes hollow “I wanted them all dead….isn’t that wrong?”
Ayato’s gaze at him was almost worriedly. As if he was a mere child again asking for his parent’s approval.
Chills went down his spine. “That is wrong, waka…but what else could you do? They wanted to assassinate you.” he reaches for him again “Now come on, let’s get you-”
“You’re scared of me aren’t you?”
Thoma’s hand drops to his side. “What?”
“You’re….scared of me….aren’t you?” a cruel laugh came from Ayato’s lips “You are all scared of me. Every…last one of you….”
“Waka, we’re not-”
“Yes, you are.” he giggles maniacally “That’s why everyone wants me dead. They all want me dead.” he laughs harder “They want you dead. Ayaka dead. They want all of us dead!”
“Waka it’s not like that-”
“It’s so simple. Everyone wants me dead! Why do I even bother to do anything?” Ayato grins, but his smile was too wide for Thoma’s liking. “Nothing I do can ever change the fact that everyone wants me to disappear. Everyone hates me…everyone wants me gone….and…I’m……I’m…..” he trails off. “I’m….pathetic….” His head leans against the crook of Thoma’s neck as a quiet sob reaches his lips “Why….do I have to be like this? I….don’t want to live like this… anymore… I…don’t want…to…..”
Thoma made no reply, wrapping a towel around the lithe teen and taking him into his arms.
He carried his lord back to the bed and changed him into more looser clothing.
Silence plagued the two as Thoma finishes wrapping the obi around his master’s pale waist.
“I…..I’m…sorry” Ayato mumbles, breaking the silence.
“I know, waka,” he whispered back, tucking away a strand of wet hair behind Kamisato's ear. “I know you’re sorry.”
He then straightens up, stretching his limbs “What do you want to do now waka?” he asked, trying to keep his voice as gentle as possible. “Is there anything you want to eat? Or any place you want to go to? I can-”
“I don’t want to go outside yet…” he buried his face into his pillow, his cheeks a stark red. “I…don’t think I have the energy to…interact with people right now…”
“Of course waka, I shall tell the rest of the estate to not disturb you-”
"Stay." Thoma felt a hand pull on his kimono "...can…you stay with me…for a while? I…don't feel safe…"
Thoma felt his cheeks flush "I…of course"
Ayato lies on the bed and pats the mattress beside him.
Thoma relents, lying down to face his master.
Ayato breathes out shakily, his eyes unfocusing "Thoma…give it to me straight…"
Thoma looked at him in concern "What is it waka?"
"Are…you scared of me?"
"What makes you think that?"
"..Thoma…you are looking distantly at me…" he mutters, settling deeper into Thoma's embrace "Don't you think….I'll notice you…trembling?"
Ah…so that's why.
From the way Ayato stared at him, he knew there was more to the question. More to why he felt so broken.
But Thoma ignored it.
That wasn't what Ayato needed right now.
Instead, Thoma places a reassuring squeeze on Ayato's shoulder.
"I'm not afraid of you." He laughs "On the contrary, if there is anything I'm afraid of" he brushes his lips on Ayato's forehead "It's losing you."
Ayato looks away , much to Thoma's amusement.
But what he said is true, he thought as he hummed a lullaby of a foreign region to his half-asleep master.
If it means keeping him safe, he'll kill the entire world over and over again.