Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mr Davidson calls them in an assembly every morning, but not like this.

This one is not like the usual ones, there are no statistics, no awkward attempts at puns to hype everyone up for the day, no cheery “Well let’s do this!” at the end.

Instead Mr Davidson calls them all together to announce that from now on for an undefined amount of time, all of them would be working from home.

“We don’t know how long this state of the world will last”, he says, “but we’re all in this together.”

Ted scoffs and earns a warning glance from Bill for that, which in turn causes another scoff. Bill is always so sensible, it’s an actual pain in the ass.

There’s no reason for him to be like this, it’s not like any of them work there for a reason other than money. And still he’s acting like they’re all a family, just like Mr Davidson always does.

Ted rolls his eyes and he sees that Bill sees it but he doesn’t give Bill the satisfaction of attention as Bill shoots him another glance.

Instead Ted focuses on Charlotte, who is busy playing with the sleeves of her sweater.

She looks up after a while, having noticed Ted staring, maybe. 

She gifts him a smile and Ted thinks that if he’ll miss anything about going to work, it will be her. Her and the minutes they steal together, disguised as smoke or bathroom breaks. The sneaked glances and her warm touch upon his skin.

Ted smiles back at her and shoots her a wink, making her giggle.

He knows that they aren’t supposed to leave their apartments for anything other than getting groceries anymore but maybe he will still manage to see Charlotte every now and then. Sam is surely exempt from quarantine, police duties and all, so she'll be home alone and no one is going to notice if Ted comes in through the back door and stays for a while, unless she has someone else staying over. 

Ted is not delusional, he knows he’s not the only one who gets all that from her, he knows that. But as long as she doesn’t push him away, he can ignore it. He can ignore that there are others and he can ignore that she’s married and that she’s not going to leave Sam or if she does then not for him.

He can ignore all that and he can live with it and that’s what counts, in the end. 

Besides, the lockdown will probably be over in a week anyway.

Ted takes his time packing up the things he’ll need.

A warning would have been nice, then he would have brought a bag. Now he has to tower everything in a broken cardboard box and he really hopes it doesn’t fully rip apart on his way home.

His car broke down a week ago so he has been taking the bus to work since.

He knows that Bill lives in the same apartment building as he does and he knows that Bill wouldn’t turn him down if he asked for a ride but he is way to proud to do that. So, the bus it always was and the bus it will be on that day.

He leaves the building and runs into Bill and Charlotte in the parking lot. Charlotte is having a smoke and Bill is keeping her company.

“Hi Ted”, Charlotte greets him when he passes them.

He is still busy trying his best not to struggle with his overflowing box too much, so all he does is gift her a smile.

“Join us for a smoke?”, she asks.

Ted hesitates, mostly because of the look Bill gives him about it.

“Sure”, he then gives in, because fuck Bill.

He puts down his box and fumbles out a cigarette. He doesn’t smoke a lot but still a lot more often than he’d like to admit.

He sticks the cigarette between his teeth and leans closer to Charlotte as she lights it for him.

Their eyes meet for a moment and Ted shoots her a light smile.

Bill says something. Ted doesn’t listen, but it makes Charlotte pull her attention off Ted to answer him.

Bill eyes Ted for a moment, like he’s judging him.

Like he knows exactly what’s going on between him and Charlotte.

Though he can’t possibly know and he doesn’t say anything. Ted is thankful about him not saying anything, as he leans against the building behind himself and takes the first drag on his cigarette.

“I just think it will be terribly lonely”, he hears Charlotte say.

“At least you don’t live alone”, Bill notes.

“I might as well. It’s not like Sam will be working in home office.”

Ted thinks about telling her that he can drop by her place, if she ever feels lonely and like blowing off some steam, but he doesn’t dare with Bill right there.

He would just look at him again, all disappointed.

So, he mostly stays quiet and smokes his cigarette until Charlotte announces that she should head home and Bill agrees.

Ted crushes his cigarette on the trash can and goes to get his box again.

Bill watches him as he struggles with it.

“Do you need a ride?”, he asks.

“No, it’s fine.”

“I can drive you.”

Ted finally has the box safely in his arms and gifts Bill a smile now.

“No, thank you.”

“If you say so”, Bill says.

He fumbles his car keys out of his pocket and says his goodbyes.

Then he leaves and Ted is alone with Charlotte for a moment.

“Charlotte-“, he starts.

“I think we should stop”, she notes before he can say more than that.

“What?”

“I think Sam is onto us. And besides, the circumstances aren’t exactly allowing us to meet anyway.”

“And you don’t want to break the rules?”

“No, I don’t. Not for something like this.”

“Something like this?”

“It’s just sex, Ted. It’s not like it means anything.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Ted smiles, like this didn’t just hurt him more than it should have. He smiles and he curses himself for having let himself have feelings once again. It never works well, feeling things, being soft.

“I should go now. Be safe, yes?”, Charlotte asks.

Ted nods lightly.

And then she leaves and he is still standing there, feeling lost.

There he was, thinking about how he’s going to miss her less than an hour ago and now she’s driving off without gifting him another glance.

God, he’s pathetic.

It starts to rain, just seconds after she sat in her car and drove off.

Ted doesn’t really try and look for shelter, he just stands there, trying his best to come to terms with what just happened.

Then his cardboard box breaks and everything tumbles to the ground.

He almost starts to cry, because that was enough for him to fully arrive at the end of his nerves.

He slowly gets down, to pick everything up when a yellow car rolls to a stop next to him.

Ted forces himself to look up, despite knowing exactly who it is.

“Just let me drive you”, Bill says.

Ted hesitates. His eyes skip over his stuff, still on the ground, and the broken cardboard box. He doesn’t even have a decision, so he nods lightly.

“Okay.”

Bill nods too and gets out of his car.

He opens the trunk and then helps Ted pick everything up from the ground and throws it inside.

It’s quiet as soon as they’re both back in the car, except for the rain drumming on the metal roof.

Bill starts to drive and Ted sits there, unsure of what to say.

“Thank you”, he fumbles out eventually.

“No problem”, Bill says.

Then Bill goes on to stay silent and Ted starts to think that this actually isn’t so bad and he should have asked for a ride so much earlier.

“You could have just asked, you know?”, Bill says after a while.

“Huh?”

“For a ride.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Okay.”

Bill rolls to a stop at a red light and looks at Ted now.

“You and Charlotte, huh?”

Ted hesitates.

Bill isn’t supposed to know about Charlotte and him, no one knows.

“She didn’t tell me, you two are just worse at hiding it than you thought”, Bill notes.

“You didn’t tell Sam, did you?”

“Why would I tell Sam?”

“I don’t know, you always do the right thing.”

“I don’t want to put Charlotte in danger like that. And honestly, I’m appalled that you don’t seem to notice that you are.”

“I’m putting her in danger?”

“You’re sleeping with her.”

“You don’t know who started it.”

“You’re trying to tell me she did? I don’t believe that.”

“Well, I’m not the only one ‘putting her in danger’.”

Bill hesitates, so Ted goes on.

“It’s not my fault that Sam is incapable of-”

“Okay, I get it.”

The traffic light skips back to green and Bills attention is back on the road, all to Teds relief.

“She just ended it anyway”, Ted quietly notes. He already lost all of his dignity anyway, he might as well admit that too. Maybe then Bill will stop looking at him so disappointed.

“Oh”, Bill says.

“Yeah.”

“Sorry.”

Ted frowns.

“What are you sorry about?”

“I don’t know. You seem sad about it, that’s all.”

“I’m not sad”, Ted lies.

“Okay.”

Five more minutes of driving in uncomfortable silence, then Bill finally rolls to a stop next to their building and pulls the handbrake.

They get out of the car without a word and go for the trunk.

“Let me help you”, Bill says, when he notices Ted trying to pick up all of his stuff at once.

“I can do it.”

“What is your deal with not letting people help you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

Bill shoulders the bag with his own stuff – of course he thought of bringing a bag – then he goes on to help Ted carry his stuff as well.

He closes the trunk.

“Come on, I’ll walk you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“But I will. What are you gonna do about it?”

Ted shrugs and follows Bill into the building.

They make their way past the broken elevator and up the stairs until eventually, Bill stops in front of Teds apartment.

Ted opens the door and puts everything down on the shoe shelf in the corridor before he takes everything else off Bill with a “Thank you”.

“No problem”, Bill says, “Hey and-.. if you ever, uh.. You can come by, if you want.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I just figured it might get lonely at some point.”

“Oh. ...Okay.”

“Whatever, it was just an idea”, Bill says.

Ted nods lightly.

“I’ll see you around?” Bill turns to leave.

“Wait I’ll give you gas money”, Ted stops him.

Bill waves him off and gifts him a smile. “Don’t worry about it.”

And with that he’s already leaving, back down the stairs to his own apartment, two floors down.

Chapter Text

Working from home doesn’t work as well as Ted thought it would.

He finds himself sleeping in and losing focus way too often.

And it’s lonely.

Ted never saw himself as a people-person but being utterly alone for weeks isn’t for anyone, he supposes.

So Bill was right about that part.

Ted isn’t desperate enough to knock on his door about it yet, though he is desperate enough to drown his sorrow in alcohol.

He always had a bit of a problem with it, finding himself drinking too fast and too much whenever life weighs heavier on his shoulders. He even decided to stop drinking a while ago but it only lasted for about 3 months before he circled back.

He misses Charlotte. Or not Charlotte, he tells himself, he misses sex. He just misses having sex, with anyone, this is not about Charlotte. He doesn’t have feelings for her anymore, he is not that pathetic after all.

He’s terribly lonely, he will admit that. He finds himself longing for some sort of intimacy more and more, even if that intimacy is just teasing Paul about his crush on that grumpy barista from Beanies. Even if it’s just talking, talking to Charlotte on smoke breaks, talking to Melissa about her new girlfriend, talking to anyone about anything that's not part of his job as tech support.

The lockdown measures got reinforced and now it doesn’t look like it‘ll be just a week or two anymore. 

It’s not even allowed to visit family members.

Not that Ted misses seeing his parents, they never got along well anyway, but he didn’t mind seeing his brother every once in a while. He always kept him grounded, somehow.

Ted spirals a little and the spiral is made of alcohol.

He doesn’t want to blame the lockdown measures for everything but on top of him being lonely, going to work actually kept him from drinking too much as well.

The risk of Mr Davidson smelling it on him and Ted losing his job about it was always enough to keep him sober during the work hours but that risk is gone now and so is Ted’s self control.

No one will notice that he’s drunk, because no one is there to notice.

Ted is not proud of it but sometimes losing control is inevitable.

He tries to tell himself that it’s not his fault. It’s only human to spiral a little in isolation.

He ran out of alcohol and had to go to the grocery store.

Not just for alcohol of course, he also got some food.

He runs into Bill when he gets back. Or he doesn’t necessarily run into him.

He sees him get out of his car and enter the building, his phone pressed to his ear and his hands full of grocery bags.

Ted slows down so he doesn’t run into him for real.

He doesn’t want Bill to smell the alcohol on him for some reason, doesn’t want him to see him sway and sweat under the booze in his system.

He wants Bill to think that he is doing great.

He enters the building shortly after Bill and he can hear him talk in the staircase. It sounds like he’s talking to Alice.

He‘s talking in his specific Alice voice. He always gets so cheery and excited when she calls. It’s actually kind of endearing.

Ted doesn’t mean to eavesdrop but he somehow ends up doing it anyway.

“Alice-“ Bill stops, having gotten interrupted, probably.

“Oh”, he then says. He sounds sad and Ted slows down even more. He hears Bill stop in front of his door and figures he will wait until Bill is inside.

“Deb is calli- yeah okay”, Bill goes. “I love you, feel free to call back later, if you-.. okay, bye.”

Ted hears him sigh, then the clinging of keys.

The door opens and then falls shut and Ted finally dares to move again.

Ted knows he has a problem, of course he knows.

But he doesn’t quite realise just how bad it is until he goes to prepare food in his kitchen and has a hard time making space on the counter between all of the empty bottles. His kitchen is rather small but still, it’s worrying.

He gets a trash bag and he throws in all the bottles. He ties it up and then he begins his walk of shame to the trash cans behind the building.

The bag is heavy and the bottles cling together inside, a lot louder than Ted was hoping they’d be.

He has to hold on to the handrail as he makes his way down the stairs, when he finds his eyes defocusing and his feet stumbling over steps that he didn’t realise were there seconds before. Maybe he should have tried to sober up a little, before leaving his apartment.

He makes it out of the building and he rounds the house. He nearly runs into someone, after he pushed open the gate leading to the trash cans.

It’s Bill. Of all the people living in the building, it’s him again.

Ted grumbles a greeting and pushes past him towards the glass container.

He throws the bag inside and it lands with a loud clang and the sound of glass breaking.

When he turns around, Bill is still there, looking surprised. Not just surprised though, there’s something else in his eyes. Pity, Ted believes, and it makes him feel sick to his stomach.

“What?”, he asks.

“Are you alright?”

Ted scoffs. “Splendid.”

He moves past Bill to go back inside but Bill follows. Of course he follows.

“That were more bottles than usually”, he notes.

“Didn’t know it was any of your business.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Very sure.”

“If you want to talk, you can always come by.”

“Why do you want me to come by so bad?”

“I-“

“What would I want to talk about?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you just want company?”

“No thank you.”

Ted walks a little faster but Bill keeps up, though he stays quiet. It’s a silence filled with anticipation and heavy thoughts. It feels like Bill wants to say more but he doesn’t know how.

Then they reached Bills floor and Bill stops as Ted keeps walking.

“Think about it”, Bill says, “You can come by, if you want.”

Ted nods and forces a smile but he doesn’t stop walking. “Have a nice day, Bill.”

His smile drops as soon as he reaches the point of the stairs where Bill can’t see him anymore.

He sighs quietly and forces his tired body to carry him up the rest of the stairs.

Chapter Text

Ted sleeps long the next day.

It’s a Sunday so there’s no work to be done and no alarm ringing him out of bed way too early.

He feels horrible.

He’s hungover and he can’t stop thinking about the way Bill looked at him the day before. It makes his headache even worse.

The worst thing is that he has no reason to be mad at Bill.

It’s his own fault that he’s ashamed of having lost control to the point where he’d rather die than have anyone know about it. Especially Bill knowing bothers Ted more than he can put into words.

Bill is so put together, it actually makes Ted feel even worse about his own state of living. And Bill is kind on top of that and caring. He’s everything that Ted is not and Ted thinks that maybe that is why he dislikes him. Every time they talk, Ted feels like Bill is judging him, because Ted is such a wreck.

Still, he has no reason to be mad at Bill because Bill didn’t do anything except ask if Ted is doing okay. And Ted visibly wasn’t doing okay.

The question felt so mocking, even if it wasn’t meant to be.

Ted has no reason to be mad at Bill but he is mad. He has no reason and that makes him even more mad.

He gets out of bed eventually.

Not to shower or to have breakfast. He just wants to cure his hangover by drinking more alcohol, that always works.

There’s a knock on the door, just as he’s on his way to the kitchen.

It’s probably not that loud but it feels like someone is knocking directly on Teds brain in full force.

He closes his eyes for a moment, when it comes again.

“I’m coming”, he mumbles, too quiet for whoever is out there to hear.

Ted opens the door and there’s Bill, holding a lunchbox.

“What do you want?”, Ted asks.

Bills gaze falls down on him for a moment.

“I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“No”, Ted says, though Bill might as well have violently woken him up by shouting directly into his ear because that’s exactly what his knocking felt like.

“I, uh..”, Bill starts, then he holds the box towards Ted. “I made some chili and it ended up being way too much for me alone, so..”

“You brought me some?”

“Yeah.”

“Bill, I’m fine, I don’t need this.”

“You’re not fine.”

Ted sighs and takes a few steps back. He tries his best to disguise how much he relies on the door to help him stand up straight but stumbles a little, nonetheless.

He wants to say something, anything that will assure Bill that he is very much fine and doesn’t need Bill to be all worried. How can he show Bill that this is making him uncomfortable without admitting that he is uncomfortable?

“You know, I’ve been thinking”, Bill says, “And I thought we can form a work group.”

“A what?”

“We live in the same building, we could meet up and work together every day. That would make it easier not to lose focus.”

Ted frowns lightly. This is such a Bill thing to propose.

“I’m-“, he starts.

“You don’t have to, it was just an idea. I thought it might be less lonely, that’s all.”

“Less lonely?”

“I’m not saying that you seem lonely, I just-“

“Bill, I said I’m fine.”

“I know what you said.”

“It’s not my fault that Alice doesn’t want anything to do with you. Just because you’re lonely, doesn’t mean I am. So stop acting like I need your help.”

It’s quiet, after Ted finished talking. He didn’t mean to lash out like that but he can’t take it back now.

Bill lets the box sink. “I get that you’re not okay and that you’re letting it out on me right now but you didn’t have to pull Alice into it.”

“I’m right though”, Ted notes, “You’re not doing this for me, you’re doing it for yourself. Because you only see purpose in yourself when you do things for people and now that Alice is in Clivesdale and you’re trapped here, you’re looking for someone new to care for but I don't need that and I don't want it either, alright?"

Bill frowns.

“Okay”, he whispers. He smiles but it doesn’t look like his usual smiles, it’s not genuine, it’s uncomfortable. “Just take the chili, will you? It’s either that or I’ll throw it out.”

He pushes the box in Teds hand and Ted takes it on reflex.
Before he can say anything else or give it back, Bill turns around and leaves.

Ted stands there for a while, unmoving.

He doesn’t close the door and he doesn’t put down the chili, he just stands there and feels like the shittiest person that ever existed.

Chapter Text

Ted doesn’t want to eat the chili at first.

A part of him feels like he doesn’t deserve it. What Bill did was nice and Ted treated him like shit about it. Ted also doesn’t want to throw it out because doing that would make him feel even worse. So he puts it in his fridge and lets it sit there.

It sits there until the evening and then Ted gets hungry and realises that he ran out of frozen pizza and that he’s too exhausted to cook.

He heats up the chili and he eats it and it’s divine.

Of course it has to be the best chili he ever had.

Ted feels even more guilty and horrible about everything he said to Bill after he finished it.

He forces himself to take a shower and as he stands there, the hot water raining down on him, he can’t help but think about Bill again.

It’s not something he does a lot, thinking about Bill. It usually doesn’t happen.

But it also usually doesn’t happen that someone brings him food and cares about him for no reason.

Bill did make Ted uncomfortable but he didn’t have any sinister ulterior motives, all he did was try to be nice.

Ted isn’t mad at Bill anymore, he’s mad at himself now.

He can’t be mad at Bill anymore, he tried but Bill is so nice. He always is, he is one of the nicest people Ted knows. Bill is always so set on making sure that everybody is doing alright.

Ted always hated that about him because a part of him couldn’t believe that some people do nice things just because. A part of him still can’t believe it.

Maybe that’s why he lashed out like that, maybe that’s why he tried so hard to twist everything and put it on Bill. If Bill did it all for himself, if he was as selfish as Ted pretended he is, Ted’s feelings would have been at least a little justified.

Ted didn’t drink for the rest of the day after the whole Bill-thing.

He still felt guilty and eventually put the blame on the alcohol.

It gets a little easier to breath, to exist, when you blame inanimate things for your own mistakes.

Ted doesn’t drink the next day either.

He thinks about it, but then decides to go for coffee and some aspirin instead.

Then he has to work and the day is too busy for him to even think about drinking anything other than coffee after coffee. He doesn’t even like coffee that much, he just drinks it every now and then in order to stay awake as call after call comes in and Ted does his best to lead person after person through fixing their technical devices on their own.

Then it’s time for his break and Ted breaks down on his couch in exhaustion.

For the first time that day, he actually has time to think again and this time his thoughts aren’t numbed by alcohol.

He decides that he has to do something nice for Bill and that he has to apologise.

It’s not exactly clear how he got to that point but after spending a few hours drinking water and coffee instead of alcohol, he suddenly feels like he can do it, like he can just stop drinking and be a better person.

It doesn’t last for long but it does last long enough for Ted to decide that he wants to get back into baking and he ends up making a few trays of cookies, all while working the rest of his shift.

Working, meaning talking to an elderly man about his phone line for two hours.

It’s the first time since he started working from home that he doesn’t actually hate it and it’s the first time in his life that he realises just how good he is at multitasking. 

He used to bake a lot when he was younger but then kind of lost interest because he didn’t have anyone to eat the things he made and he couldn’t possibly eat everything himself. He still doesn’t have anyone to eat with him but he only remembers that after he finds himself standing in his kitchen between five trays of cookies and the smell of chocolate in the air.

He has Bill, he supposes. He is who inspired Ted in the first place.

So, he washes Bills lunchbox and fills it up with as many cookies as he can fit in there.  

He waits until five pm, until his work day officially ends and he can clock out, then he gets the box and makes his way two floors down.

He knocks on Bills door and hears a shuffling sound in his apartment shortly afterwards.

He gets nervous suddenly.

This is weird, he thinks, he should leave.

Bill is probably mad at him and he has every right to be.

Ted turns as he thinks about fleeing, just as the door opens.

There Bill is, in his work attire. He’s wearing a shirt and dress pants and even a tie.

Ted immediately feels underdressed in his sweatpants and the oversized sweater he hasn’t taken off in days.

“Ted”, Bill says, surprised.

“What’s with the attire?”, Ted can’t help but ask.

“I find it easier to focus if I dress a certain way.”

“Okay.” Ted is not even surprised, it suits Bill to do that.

It would probably help Ted too if he didn’t work in his pyjamas every day but he can’t bring himself to put on actual pants.

“You brought back my box?”, Bill asks, eyeing the box in Ted’s hand.

“Uh, yeah.”

Ted takes a breath. Just say it, just say it, just say it.

“I’m sorry”, he blurts out, still clinging to the box like it’s his life, instead of handing it to Bill.

“It’s fine.”

“No, what I said was mean and not even true.”

“It-”

“I made some cookies.” Ted finally hands Bill the box.

Bill takes it.

Ted manages to stop avoiding Bills gaze and looks up now, to find him look genuinely surprised and moved.

He looks at the box in his hand for a moment, then back at Ted.

“You made cookies?”

Ted nods. “As an apology. And... I don’t know.”

“For me?”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Well you didn’t have to bring me chili but you did.”

“No, I meant-.. You don’t owe me anything.”

“Bill I feel like shit because of how I acted the last few times I saw you. I just.. I need you to know that I didn’t actually mean it and I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“What about? You didn’t do anything.”

“Yeah I did. You clearly wanted to be left alone and I should have respected that but I didn’t. And you’re right, I am lonely and I miss Alice and I kind of let that out on you, so..”

“It’s really endearing, actually.”

Bill hesitates. “What?”, he fumbles out. He looks flustered and Ted can’t help but smile at that.

“You’re so caring. It always annoyed me because I didn’t get it but it’s endearing, actually.”

“Oh.”

“Whatever, I should... probably go. Sorry again.”

“Thank you for these.” Bill lifts up the cookie box for a moment.

Ted waves him off. “Yeah, I didn’t try them yet so I have no idea if they’re any good but-…“

“Thank you.”

“No, yeah, of course”, Ted fumbles out. The way Bill is looking at him makes him all nervous for some reason and he blushes. He hopes Bill doesn’t notice but the way he's smiling tells Ted that maybe he did.

“Thanks for the chili by the way, it was really good”, Ted says, to distract both of them a little.

Bill lights up even more at that. “You liked it?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“It was great.”

“Do you want to come in for a cup of tea or a coffee?”

Ted hesitates. “I think I should head back”, he then lies. He’s not sure why he lies. Being around Bill makes him all nervous for some reason and he doesn’t know how to deal with that. So he figured he’d flee the situation, as he always does when it gets uncomfortable.

“Oh”, Bill says. His smile falters a little. “Okay, yeah, sure.”

“Yeah.”

“Bye, then.”

“Yeah, bye. See you around.”

Ted turns to go.

He feels bad, just leaving Bill standing there. And a part of him doesn’t want to just leave and leave it at that.

So he makes a mistake.

He turns back around.

“Bill?”

“Yeah?” Bill rips the door back open, seconds before it could fall shut.

“If you still wanna sit together for work, I’d be open to try that.”

Bills whole face lights up and it makes Ted feel a little warmer and softer inside.

“Sure?”, Bill asks.

“I said try. I’m not promising that we do this every day, but.. yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, I’ll come over.”

“Alright.” 

“Well, see you.”

“Yes.”

Ted turns away again and leaves for real this time.

He’s not sure if he should regret his rash decision, but deep inside he doesn’t. Deep inside, he’s looking forward to it.

Chapter Text

Ted regrets it a little, that he promised to come over.

He was excited about it the day before but when he wakes up the next morning, the last thing he wants to do is get up and get dressed.

He gets up eventually though and he takes a shower. He even puts on actual pants. Mostly because of how dressed up Bill was the day before and Ted would feel weird to come in sweatpants, especially since Bill is so weirdly professional about everything and anything.

Maybe it’s good that Ted promised Bill that they’d work together because it kind of forces him to get it together a bit. If it wasn’t for him going to Bill, he probably would have clocked into work while still in bed. He wouldn’t have showered and he would have put on the same clothes he wore the past few days.

He makes it to Bill in time, ten minutes before they have to clock into work. He only makes it in time because he skips breakfast in the last minute, but still it’s something.

Bill opens the door with a smile.

“Hey, come in”, he says and steps aside so Ted can enter his apartment.

Ted has never been in Bills apartment but he can’t deny that it’s a lot nicer than his own, even if they basically have the same room structure and the same ugly brown built-in cabinets.

Somehow Bill managed to make those cabinets work and Ted respects that.

Bill has a lot of plants too, that’s the second thing Ted notices. Maybe that’s what makes his apartment so much nicer. Ted couldn’t take care of plants if he tried, he knows that much.

“Do you want a coffee?”, Bill asks on their way into the living room.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, one coffee coming right up.”

Ted smiles lightly at how awkward Bill is acting.

Maybe he doesn’t have people over a lot either. Or maybe it’s just still weird between them because of their fight, or whatever that was.

“Thank you”, Ted says as he follows Bill into the kitchen.

“I’ll just make a pot, you can feel at home and refill your cup whenever.”

“Cool, thanks.”

Ted puts down his laptop and his headset on the table across from where Bills laptop is already placed and leans against the kitchen counter as Bill starts making coffee.

“I like your plants”, Ted notes, to fill the silence and to make small talk.

Bill smiles. “Yeah?”

“Yes, especially that one.” Ted points at a random plant, the one that’s the closest to him. It’s sitting on the counter next to him and it has big dark green leaves. “What’s it called?”

“Oh, that’s Bernadette.”

It’s quiet for a moment.

Ted frowns lightly and then smiles when it dawns on him that Bill named the plant.

Bill freezes. “You meant the species”, he says.

“Yeah”, Ted admits and chuckles.

“It’s an avocado.”

“Okay.”

“Stop laughing at me.”

“I’m not laughing.” Ted bites down on his lip. He hates to admit it but a part of him finds Bill naming his plants fucking adorable. Bill isn’t supposed to be adorable, Bill is just supposed to be Bill.

Ted forces himself to look away.

“Avocados are cool. Did you grow it yourself?”

“Yeah.”

“From the core?”

Bill smiles. “Yeah, from the core.”

“Cool.”

“It’s not that hard.”

“I couldn’t do it.”

“I’m sure you could.”

Bill gets a cup from the shelf now and fills it with coffee.

“Milk?”, he asks and Ted nods.

“Yes, please.”

“Sugar?”

“Also yes.”

“Okay.”

Bill gets some milk from the fridge and hands it to Ted before getting some sugar.

He fills himself his own cup as Ted customizes his coffee and then sits down at the table, in front of his laptop.

“Are you sure it doesn’t distract you when I talk?”, Ted asks, putting on his headset.

“Actually, yeah, I don’t mind. I find the silence more distracting.”

“Okay.”

Ted turns on his laptop and waits for it to boot. He rests his chin on his hand and yawns, resisting the urge to pull his feet up on the chair and sit more comfortably.

He plays solitaire on his laptop until the first call comes in and he takes it with a sigh.

“CCRP Technical, this is Ted, how can I help?”

He gets up to refill his cup while the person on the other end starts to talk about their computer.

He doesn’t sit back down, instead he starts to walk around Bills kitchen with the cup in his hand until the call ends.

Bill looks up and smiles when Ted sits back down.

“So you belong to the people who walk around while on the phone”, he notes.

“Everybody does that”, Ted says.

“You don’t do it at CCRP, do you?”

“Yeah, I do. I just stay in my office.” Ted slowly gets back to sipping his coffee and playing solitaire.

When Bill doesn’t stop watching him, Ted points at the nearest plant.

“What did you name that one?”

“Albert.”

Ted smiles. “And that one?” He points at another plant.

Bill chuckles. “Harold.”

“Interesting.”

“Is it now?”

“Do you name them after people?”

“No I just name them the first thing that comes to my mind.”

“Do you have a Ted?”

“No.”

“Mean.”

“Sorry.”

Ted laughs and stretches out his feet under the table.

His feet hit Bills and for a moment he considers pulling away. Then Bill nudges him lightly with his foot and when Ted looks up he sees him smile.

He nudges back, slowly focusing on his game of solitaire again.

It goes on for a while, until another call comes in and Ted pulls back because he has to focus.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”, Bill asks when Ted packs up his things to leave.

Ted smiles.

“No, it was.. nice.” He almost doesn’t want to admit it. It was genuinely nice.

Ted doesn’t even feel like drinking himself to sleep.

“Do you.. I don’t know, do..”, Bill starts.

“Tomorrow again?”, Ted asks.

“Yeah, do you want to come over again?”

“Do you want me to come over again?” Ted winks at Bill.

Bill smiles and rolls his eyes.

“Maybe I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

“Okay, I’ll be there.”

“Okay.” Bill smiles.

And Ted can’t help but smile too. 

Chapter Text

Ted brings the rest of the cookies when he goes to Bill again the next day.

Bill said he liked them and Ted didn’t really eat them alone that much. Besides Bill keeps supplying coffee so it only seems fair that Ted brings snacks.

And then they sit there and work and drink coffee and eat cookies and it’s so nice that it soon becomes a habit without them really planning that. Ted doesn’t bring cookies every day of course, sometimes he brings other snacks, sometimes lunch, sometimes nothing.

Eventually they start taking turns on the lunch part, Bill cooks or Ted brings takeaway or something self-made and they start having lunch together more frequently and then that becomes a habit too.

They spend two weeks in that weird mix of a work relationship and domesticity and Ted would lie if he said Bill wasn’t right about it all helping both of them. Ted hasn’t been blackout drunk since then at least. Maybe he fell back to an occasional glass of wine or a bottle of beer in the evening but overall, he’s doing okay. And Bill seems to be doing okay too.

They don’t even hate each other yet, despite spending every single work day alone in the same room for hours. On the contrary, Bill actually grew on Ted. Ted likes Bill and he likes spending time with him, which is something that he never expected to happen but he also never expected for a whole pandemic to happen while he’s still alive so there’s that.

Alice calls a few minutes after they clocked out. Ted is still finishing the last bit of his coffee and packing up his stuff (though he mostly leaves it all at Bills place by now anyway) when Bill takes the call.

“Alice!” His face lights up when he says her name and Ted tries his best not to smile. It is cute. Kind of.

Bill gets up and leaves the room and Ted can hear his muffled voice through the corridor, though he doesn’t pay attention to his words.

The call doesn’t last for long, maybe three to five minutes, because when Ted enters the corridor to leave, Bill is standing there, loosely holding the phone in his hand and looking sad.

He quickly puts on a smile when he notices Ted. “You’re leaving?”

Ted nods. “Unless you want me to stay?”, he offers, in an attempt to cheer Bill up.

Bill shrugs. “It’s fine.”

“Are you alright? That was Alice, was she... Is she alright?”

“Yeah, she’s alright, she just doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Oh.”

“It’s fine.”

Bill goes back into the kitchen and Ted follows him, because he’d feel weird if he just left now.

He watches as Bill half-heartedly places his empty mug in the sink and pours some water over the earth of his avocado plant.

“But she called you”, Ted notes, “I mean that means something, right?”

“Her mom made her call me, she didn’t want to.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Bill turns to Ted now and leans against the counter behind himself, looking defeated.

“I get that she’s young and in love and she’d rather spend all of her time with Deb but... it can’t be that hard to take more than a few minutes for your dad every few days. I get to talk to her maybe once a week if I’m lucky and…” He shrugs.

Tears formed in his eyes and Ted panics a bit, because he doesn’t know what to do about that. He doesn’t know how to console people, how to make people feel better, he’s so bad with words.

But he does want Bill to feel better. He desperately wants to cheer him up somehow.

“Hey, I’m sure it’s nothing personal, she’s just in that age where you think your parents are boring. She’ll come back to you eventually“, Ted tries.

“You think so?”  Bill blinks and sniffles now.

“Sure.”

“Thank you, Ted.” He runs his hands over his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Sorry.”

“You’re okay?”, Ted asks.

Bill nods.

“Sure?”

“Yes, I’m... sorry.”

“No it’s fine”, Ted says. If he’s being honest, he’s not even sure what Bill is apologising for.

It’s quiet for a moment, then Bill asks: “Would you like to stay for dinner?”

Ted hesitates because this is new and for a moment he can’t handle the way it makes him feel a little too excited.

Past Ted would have been happy to get home, he would have wanted to be alone after having sat in the same room, at the same table with Bill for 8 hours.

But somehow this Ted, this new Ted, is happy to stay. He’s excited to stay.

He genuinely has no idea what’s happening but he ends up nodding anyway while Bill clumsily starts to explain that he was going to cook and cooking is always nicer when you‘re not doing it just for yourself. “And I admit, I don’t want to be alone right now”, Bill concludes quietly.

“I’ll stay then”, Ted offers.

Bill smiles and only for that it’s already worth it.

Ted helps Bill cook, cutting vegetables and setting the table.

It’s so domestic and Ted is a little too into it. It all makes him feel like he‘s married to Bill and as much as he doesn‘t want to admit it, he kind of likes that idea.

It’s not like he thinks of proposing to him or anything, that would be weird, they’re not even that close. It’s just that it feels nice and for a moment, just a moment, Ted thinks about how nice it would be to do this more often, to grow old like that even.

Maybe it doesn’t even have to do with Bill specifically, maybe Ted just realised that he would enjoy being and living with someone, anyone.

After they’re done eating, Bill asks Ted if he wants to stay for a movie, and again, Ted says yes.

They end up on the couch, watching a movie that Bill picked because Ted didn’t really care. The reason he stayed in the first place was just that he didn’t want to go home and be alone there. He likes being with Bill at Bills place a lot better.

They don’t really talk during the movie but sitting in silence is nice too. Ted never really had anyone to sit comfortably in silence with.

Before quarantine hit and everything changed, the person he was the closest to was probably Charlotte and she was always talking, always going on about Sam, whenever they were not just having sex. Ted didn’t mind, she clearly needed someone to listen to her and at least listening spared him from talking.

But now, sitting in silence with Bill is nice and it’s relaxing and Ted wouldn’t mind doing it more often.

Ted feels Bill sink against his shoulder after a while and he’s just about to open his mouth and make a light-hearted joke, when he notices Bills quiet snoring. Ted hesitates, unsure whether or not he is supposed to wake Bill up now.

He decides to not wake him up, because it’s late and the movie is almost over anyway.

For a few minutes he just sits there, he doesn’t really dare to move. Then he slowly reaches for Bill and carefully lays him down on a pillow instead. There is a blanket thrown over the armrest of the couch and Ted picks it up and unfolds it to throw it over Bill and keep him warm.

Bill mutters something, when Ted pulls the blanket over his chest and for a moment Ted freezes, sure that he woke Bill up. Bill stays quiet afterwards and Ted slowly relaxes.

He smiles, even if he tries not to, at the prospect of Bill talking in his sleep.

Ted swallows. Maybe he lied earlier. Maybe he wouldn’t enjoy living with anyone. Maybe being in the kitchen with someone else would annoy him, maybe he wouldn’t be able to stand spending a whole day in the same room with anyone else. Maybe Bill did grow on him.

He kneels there for a while and stares at Bill but he only realises that he was doing it when the church bell strikes midnight and makes him flinch out of his thoughts.

He quickly gets up.

“Sorry”, he whispers, even though Bill probably can’t hear that. He reaches for the blanket one last time and tugs it underneath Bills chin. “Good night”, he says, quietly, then he leaves.

Chapter Text

The next day is a Saturday, so no work and no seeing Bill again. Ted is kind of glad about that.

He wasn’t able to sleep all night because he couldn’t stop thinking about Bill. And now he’s tired and every time he remembers the feeling of Bill leaning against him, he wants to run into a wall. Because the feeling is pleasant and sweet and warm. Ted feels like he shouldn’t feel that way about his co-worker. He’s probably just feeling all this because isolation is getting lonely and Bill is the only person Ted talked to in the last few months, aside from the customers he talks to on the phone.

Ted even tries calling his brother, but the call goes straight to the mailbox and Ted doesn’t bother calling again because when the mailbox asks him to leave a message, he realises that he actually doesn’t have anything to say.

He drinks again.

He’s not proud of that but he can’t stop thinking about Bill and then he panics and suddenly he’s holding a bottle of beer and it’s half-empty already. He decides that drinking is okay, as long as he doesn’t let himself drink too much again.

And so he lays there on his couch until late in the afternoon and he didn’t drink enough to black out yet but he did drink more than he was going to allow himself.

There is a knock on the door when Ted is on his way from the bathroom back into the living room.

He opens the door and there Bill is.

“Oh”, Ted mutters upon seeing him.

“Hi”, Bill says, awkwardly.

“Hi.”

“I was gonna...- Are you drunk?”

“A little.”

“Are you okay?”

Ted nods frantically. “Yes.”

“Okay.” Neither the way Bill says that nor the look on his face suggest that he believes Ted but at least he drops the subject anyway.

“So what’s up?”, Ted asks.

“I was going to ask if you have some flour but..”

“But..?”

“Mind if I join you drinking instead?”

Ted hesitates for a moment, not because he minds, but instead because Bill surprised him.

“No, come in”, he fumbles out. He holds open the door and Bill steps inside.

Ted notices Bill wearing sweatpants and a loose sweater and relaxes a little, because this means he’s not the only one dressed like he just got out of bed.

Bill is wearing thick wool socks too and he tugged his pants into them and a part of Ted finds that very endearing.

“Why did you need flour?”, Ted asks, as Bill follows him into the kitchen and Ted hands him a beer from the fridge.

“I was gonna bake but getting drunk sounds like a better idea now.”

Ted nods lightly. “Wanna sit in the living room?”, he asks, while he’s already going for the couch.

Bill nods and lets himself sink into the cushions next to Ted.

Ted grabs his own bottle and clinks it against Bills.

“Cheers.”

Bill just nods and then proceeds to chug down half of his bottle.

Ted almost forgets to drink because he’s so taken aback at how easily Bill manages to just pour it all down his throat in one go.

He thinks about asking Bill what’s wrong but eventually decides against it. Sitting in silence is fine too, maybe he’ll ask later.

They sit there for about an hour, sometimes in silence, sometimes talking about things but not the significant ones. Things like the weather or the sale on pasta at the local grocery store.

Eventually it gets quiet again and Ted notices Bills eyes come to a rest on himself.

He looks up. “What?”

“I just thought... the lockdown is actually getting a bit more bearable like this.”

“With alcohol?” Ted chuckles.

Bill smiles. “No, with you”, he says and then he looks back at the black TV screen like he didn’t just say the nicest thing anyone ever said to Ted.

For a moment Ted doesn’t know what to say at all. He panics and instead of admitting how flattered he is, he decides to mock Bill about it.

“Didn’t know you’re in love with me.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Ted smiles. “I think it’s a bit more bearable like this too”, he then admits.

Bill doesn’t answer but when Ted dares to look at him again, he finds him smiling.

“Didn’t think I’d ever miss going to work”, Bill notes quietly.

“Hm.” Ted lightly shakes his head. “I don’t miss it.”

“You’d really rather be at my place every day than at work with everybody else?”

Ted shrugs. “I don’t know. Yeah.”

“That’s nice.”

“Don’t let it go to your head.”

Bill chuckles.

“What do you miss?”, he then asks.

“I don’t know. Sex, maybe.”

Bill smiles. “Really? That’s the only thing you miss?”

“You don’t miss it?”, Ted asks.

Bill shrugs, then he shakes his head. “I haven’t had sex in years and I’m fine.”

Ted raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“It’s not that important to me.”

“Huh.”

“I mean I never really felt… when seeing people, I never really felt the urge to sleep with them. It usually happens out of the moment for me or like I would do it if my wife wanted to."

"You don't enjoy it?"

"No, I do, I just don't really feel the need to pursue it. I'm not gonna get desperate if I don’t get any.”

“Okay, good for you”, Ted says. “Well I am desperate.” 

Bill laughs and looks at Ted again.

“Are you now?”

Ted nods. “Not desperate but… would be nice.”

Ted tries to take another swig from his bottle just to find it empty. For a moment he considers getting another one, then he realises that he really had more than enough by now.

Bill is still looking at him when he places the bottle on the floor next to himself and that’s rather distracting. Maybe it’s the booze in his system but a part of Ted keeps wanting to lean over for a kiss. He doesn’t do it. Obviously, he doesn’t do it. But still.

He takes his eyes off Bill, just to be safe.

“You’re into men?”, Bill asks eventually.

“Sure”, Ted answers.

He looks back at Bill and finds his expression changed a bit. He’s still leaning into the couch, his head resting in a pillow and his bottle balanced on his belly like a cup of tea. He’s not looking at Ted like he usually does, not sunken in thought or like he’s listening to him or like he’s waiting for an answer, it’s nothing like the usual looks Ted gets from him.

Bill is looking at him like he’s thinking about something and that something has everything to do with Ted.

“What?”, Ted asks.

Bill hesitates, then he shakes his head.

“No, never mind.”

“Never mind what?”

“It was just an idea.”

“An idea?”

“Just forget it.” Bill looks away now.

“Do you want to fuck?”

Bill looks at Ted again, his jaw having dropped. “I just thought about doing you a favour!”

Ted smiles. “A favour, huh?”

“It would be a horrible idea.”

“It was your idea.”

“Sometimes I have bad ideas, especially when I‘m drunk.”

“Do you?”

“Ted, we’re not going to sleep with each other.”

“Why?”

“We’re coworkers, I don’t want it to get weird.”

“Huh.”

Ted lets his eyes skip over Bill for a moment and he has to admit that the idea doesn’t sound horrible to him at all. If he thinks about it, he’s very into the idea actually, and Bill is a genius for having thought of it.

“Don’t look at me like that”, Bill says.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re thinking about it.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to.”

“See? It’s already getting weird.”

“Ugh, you’re right I guess.”

Bill nods. “I am.”

Ted slowly manages to focus on something that isn‘t Bill. His hands more specifically. He squints his eyes in an attempt to make his vision stop shaking every time he moves his head.

“What do you miss the most?”, he asks eventually.

“Alice, I suppose”, Bill answers, a little too fast. “And seeing people. Just.. talking to Paul or Charlotte or going to Beanies. The small things.”

Ted nods lightly.

“Now my answer feels stupid”, he mumbles.

“No, your answer is good. We both miss similar things, if you think about it.”  

“What do you mean?”

“Human connection. Intimacy. That stuff.”

“Oh.” Ted nods lightly.

“We’re both lonely”, Bill says.

Ted leans into the couch next to Bill and turns his head to him. And then he watches him, sunken into the cushion and looking miserable.

“You really do miss Alice a lot”, he notes. It’s not exactly a question, he’s just stating a fact. He doesn’t know why he says it. Honestly, he’s not sure why he says or does anything anymore, he’s that drunk. 

Bill nods. “I already missed her before. I only get her once a month, you know? But this is so much worse.” He frowns, like he’s trying not to cry. “This feels like I’m being punished. I just want to see my daughter again. Or-… or talk to her. I want to talk to her for more than five minutes and I want her to want to talk to me too.”

Ted doesn’t know what to say to that. A part of him wants to drive to Clivesdale and get Alice and just bring her to Bill. He wants Bill to be happy again.

He hesitantly moves closer to Bill when the first tear rolls over Bills cheek and when Bill doesn’t back away, Ted hugs him.

Bill leans into Ted’s embrace and sniffles quietly and all Ted can do is hold him and hope that that’s enough. He rests his chin on Bills shoulder while he lets his thumb caress Bills arm in an attempt to make him feel better.

“She’s… young and in love. It’s okay”, Bill says quietly.

He turns his head to look at Ted and ends up rather close. Bills cheeks are damp from the tears and before Ted can stop himself, he already reached out to wipe them away.

Bill drops his forehead against Ted’s and suddenly they’re kissing.

Ted isn’t sure who initiated it but his mouth melts against Bills without any protest from his mind. He wants this so bad.

Bills lips are soft and warm and maybe a little damp and salty from the tears.

Bill reaches for Ted’s face and pulls him closer and that’s when Ted manages to snap out of it.

He pulls away. “No, you...”, he starts, still recollecting all the pieces of his mind that went missing when Bills breath hit his lips.

“What?”, Bill asks.

“You’re just sad and drunk and lonely, you don’t want this.”

Bill frowns but fully pulls back so a part of him must agree.

“Sorry”, Ted fumbles out.

Bill lightly shakes his head. “Sorry”, he mutters.

“I, uh..”, Ted starts, even though he has nothing to say. He does have things he wants to say but he can’t think of any way to put them without sounding like an idiot. He stays silent.

“I should go”, Bill says.

“Okay.”

Bill nods, then he gets up. “Bye Ted.”

Ted gets up too but only to watch Bill disappear in the corridor.

Ted hears his front door open and fall shut and then it’s quiet.

“Bye Bill”, he mumbles into the silence.

Chapter Text

Ted wakes up with a hangover and the feeling of guilt, prominent in the back of his mind. He rolls over and pulls his pillow over his head in an attempt to drown out the ringing sound that woke him up in the first place.

It takes him a while to realise that it’s his phone and someone is calling him.

He hits his hand on the nightstand table when he blindly reaches for his phone and then proceeds to knock over his lamp before he finally gets a hold of it. He squints, trying to read the name on the display. Peter.  

Ted takes the call. “Hi, what?”

“Hi, you called yesterday?”

“Oh. ..yes.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Just because. How are you?”

“I’m alright. How are you? Did I wake you up?”

“Yeah, you woke me up.”

“It’s 11 am.”

“Okay?”

“Are you hungover or something?”

“I’m fine. How are mom and dad?”

“Doing alright I think. Do you want to talk to them?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Okay.”

“Okay, uh.. bye?”

“Wait, what’s up?”

“What do you mean?”

“You called me yesterday and then left a voicemail that was just one minute of silence.”

“Oh, sorry, I thought I had hung up.”

“Okay, so?”

“How is everything at home? How are you holding up?”, Ted asks, to distract from himself.

“I miss my boyfriend, but it’s fine. We talk every night.”

Ted nods lightly.

“Are you okay? Do you have anyone?”

“Yeah, I’ve been hanging out with Bill every now and then. You know Bill?”

“Your co-worker that you hate?”

“I don’t hate him.”

“You used to.”

“Well hate is a strong word. I disliked him but I also didn’t know him.”

“Okay good for you then.”

“Yeah, he’s… actually, Peter, uh..” Ted bites down on his lip. He’s not going to tell his brother that he caught feelings for his co-worker that he used to dislike.

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s fine.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah, tell mom and dad I said hi.”

“Okay, I will.”

“Cool, thanks.”

“Yeah, cool... Bye?”

“Yeah, have a nice day.”

“You too.”

Ted hangs up now and drops his phone on the mattress next to himself.

His thoughts slowly drift back to Bill, to their kiss more specifically. They kissed. They really did that. And even worse, it felt really good.

This the last thing Ted expected to come out of them working together so needless to say, he’s a little overwhelmed.

Ted doesn’t stop thinking about Bill the whole day. The worst part is that he has no idea what Bill thinks about it all. He doesn’t know if Bill hated it or if he liked it, if he wants to pretend it never happened or if he wants to do it again or if Ted is even allowed to come back to Bills place for work on Monday.

Ted nearly loses his mind thinking. He doesn’t mean to think about it so much, Bill probably moved on hours ago.

It’s not just the kiss that Ted can’t stop thinking about, it’s their conversation too. The way Bill looked at him for a moment there before he shook his head. “Never mind”, he said, like it didn’t matter.

It did matter though, because now Ted’s head is full of Bill.

Maybe this is just Ted being horny. Actually, it must be.

If this is more than lust, then he can’t quite place the feelings yet. Either that or he refuses to place them. Ignorance is one hell of a drug.

Ted can pretend it’s nothing. He can always pretend.

Besides, he’s still not even sure what Bill meant with the whole “never really felt the need to sleep with people” thing. Maybe he’s ace like Peters boyfriend, maybe that’s what he was trying to say. 

Ted respects it, of course, and he decided that he’s not going to make a move, no matter how horny he is. He can just jerk off under the shower, he already got used to that by now.

The next day is a Monday but it’s also Mr. Davidsons birthday and everybody at CCRP got the day off for some reason, which means Ted has one more day where he doesn’t have to face Bill.

He’s not ready to face Bill yet.

The thought of Bill is still very prominent in Ted’s brain, big enough to push out all of his other thoughts. 

Ted is not even thinking about him in a particularly romantic way anymore, he‘s just thinking about him all of the time because there‘s so much that reminds him of Bill.

Just standing in the grocery store is already a challenge because there is the tea Bill likes and when Ted turns around there is the cereal section and Ted remembers how Bill said he doesn’t like cereal but he always keeps some around for when Alice visits.

When Ted stands at the checkout, he spots a small stand with plants and again, his thoughts drift to Bill.

There‘s a small one placed on the floor in front of the others. It has speckled leafs that are formed like arrows and Ted stares at it for a moment.

He‘s not going to buy Bill a plant.

Sure, Bill invites Ted over every day and he likes plants, he’d love this one. And Bill always makes coffee for them, that‘s really nice, it would be fine to give something back, this is not a romantic gesture or anything. Besides, it would be a nice apology for the kiss.

And Bill would love that plant.

“You got me a plant?” Bill sounds surprised but a big smile formed on his lips as soon as Ted handed him the plant, so it must be a positive surprise.

“It seemed fair, considering you let me come here every day”, Ted notes.

“You shouldn’t have”, Bill says, but he’s also already in the process of carrying the plant into his kitchen like a new-born baby. Ted follows him, smiling lightly.

“Listen, Bill..”, Ted starts, having gotten more serious as soon as he remembered what he actually planned to do. An apology. Easy.

He leans against the kitchen counter, unsure of how to say all the things he laid down in his head.

Bill finished watering the plant and looks up now.

“Yes?”

“About Saturday night, I wanted to apologise.”

“Oh.”

“Because… that was weird. Me kissing you. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, I’m not even sure why I did it.”

“It’s okay, Ted.”

“Sure?”

Bill nods. “I mean I kissed you too. This wasn’t just on you.”

Ted shrugs lightly. “I guess. But still. Sorry.”

“We were both drunk and lonely and... you were right, you know? I don’t think either of us would have wanted that if we were sober.”

Ted tries his best not to frown when the disappointment slaps him in the chest. He nods. “Yeah, no, sure.”

“So let’s just forget it?”

Ted manages to force a smile on his face. “It’s water under the bridge.”

“Okay, good. Cool.” Bill smiles.

“Cool”, Ted quietly repeats.

Chapter Text

Ted didn’t expect Bill to be so good at pretending that nothing happened but somehow, he is. He treats Ted like he always did, kindly and like they’re colleagues who are also friends. He doesn’t act weird, he doesn’t act like they shared a kiss while he was crying just a few days prior.

Ted does act a little weird. Not on purpose, of course, he just can’t really help it when he finds himself panicking every time Bill gets close to him. He isn’t sure if he can describe it as “panic” but he never felt anything like this before. He feels all warm and homey around Bill and he gets that feeling in his belly that he believes other people would describe as butterflies. And at the same time he completely freezes every time Bill touches him. Not even grand touches, just Bill brushing his shoulder when he passes him or Bills feet hitting Teds under the table when they stretch at the same time or Bills fingertips on Teds knuckles when Ted hands him a cup of coffee.

It’s too much for Ted, he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like feeling so much. This is not just him being horny anymore, no matter how much he still tries to convince himself that it is.

Apparently, he’s not even good at hiding how many feelings he’s having about it because about two weeks after their kiss, Bill decides to approach him about it.

They’re still sitting at Bills table, still working, though there hasn’t been a call for an hour now and Ted is slowly getting tired of playing solitaire on his laptop.

“Ted?”, Bill asks.

“Mh?”, Ted answers, not looking up.

“Hey, do you... are you mad?”

“What?” Now Ted does look up.

“You’ve been distant.”

“No I haven’t.”

“Since the kiss.”

“No.”

“Ted... if you want to say something then say it.”

“I have nothing to say.”

“Are you sure?”

Ted nods.  

“Okay”, Bill says, like he doesn‘t believe him at all.

Ted tries to go back to his game of solitaire but now his thoughts are all over the place.

“Are you mad?”, he asks after a while.

“Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know. You’ve been really good at pretending that nothing happened, that’s all.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s just strange how normal you’re acting. Almost like you’re trying really hard.”

Bill rolls his eyes. “This is ridiculous.”

Ted raises an eyebrow. “Is it?”

Bill stays silent.

“Sorry”, Ted mumbles. Because there’s no reason for him to let everything out on Bill. It‘s not Bills fault that Ted can’t stop thinking about him, is it?

“Okay”, Bill whispers, “I admit that the kiss didn’t …leave me cold.”

“Oh.” Ted did not expect that. If he’s being honest, he was just talking, just saying anything to get the attention off himself and his feelings.

“It’s just the first time in a while that I’ve been intimate with someone again and... it felt nice in some way. I suppose I’ve been lonely, like you.”

“Intimate”, Ted repeats quietly, mostly because the way Bill said it made it sound like they did a lot more than kiss.

“It was just a kiss though and it was a one-time thing so… it’s fine.”

Ted nods lightly, even though he wouldn’t mind it happening again.

He keeps repeating Bills words in his head for a while until all that filters out for him is “Bill liked the kiss”.

He opens his mouth to say something, not quite sure what but surely something, when his phone rings.

“Shit”, he mutters, before he clicks to accept the call and puts on his customer service voice again.

The call lasts for about half an hour and as soon as Ted hangs up, the silence that has been accompanying them for most of the day almost feels deafening.

Bill got up and went into the kitchen shortly before Ted’s call ended and now Ted is alone.

He buries his face in his hands for a moment and he sighs and then he gets up and follows Bill.

“You liked the kiss?”, Ted asks, as soon as he entered the kitchen. Bill is standing with his back to the door at the counter, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

He doesn’t look up. “You sound surprised.”

“Yes, no. Yes?”

Bill smiles. He sets down the coffee pot and fully turns to Ted. “Well, yeah, I liked it.”

Ted bites down on his bottom lip when he finds himself just seconds away from volunteering to be Bills boyfriend or lover or whatever Bill is looking for at the moment. Thankfully, he still has enough dignity left to keep himself from talking.

“Do you want to stay for dinner later?”, Bill then asks.

And it’s nothing special, not anymore. It shouldn’t be or feel special to Ted, they’ve had dinner together a million times at this point.

But Bill asking that right after their conversation does feel different. It’s probably just Ted. The lockdown is making him loose his mind, suddenly he’s over-interpreting every single thing Bill says, like a teenager in love. It’s honestly embarrassing.

“I’d love to”, he answers nonetheless.

They’re on Bills couch, sitting further apart than they usually do and a part of Ted would love to think that the reason for it is that they both want to kiss again so bad that they physically wouldn’t be able to restrain themselves if they sat any closer. That’s not the reason though, probably.

Bill was the one who chose to do that. Ted sat down first and Bill joined him, a good five feet away, as far away as the couch allowed him to sit without him actually sitting on the floor.

“You know I can leave. If you want me to”, Ted notes after a while.

Bill didn’t turn the TV on yet, he just sat and stared at the floor. Maybe he wants to talk but if he does, then he’s doing a pretty bad job.

“No”, Bill says, “I, uh, I.. I’m just. Sorry.”

“Are you okay?”

“I can’t stop thinking about kissing you.”

It’s quiet after that. Holy shit, Ted thinks. Holy fucking shit. Okay.

“Because you like me or because you’re lonely?”

“I don’t know.”

Ted opens his mouth but finds himself at a loss of words. He could volunteer to kiss again, that would be an option that sounds quite nice to him.

“I’m lonely probably”, Bill goes on, “I’m just so-.. I don’t know.”

“Can I help?”, Ted fumbles out.

Bill shakes his head, then he shrugs.  

“We’re stuck here.”

“Well at least we’re stuck together.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing just-.. imagine being alone in this. At least we’re two people, you know?”

Bill nods lightly. “Yeah.”

“Besides, I can-.. I could-“, Ted starts, trying to think of a good way to put it. “If you want to kiss again, I can be that for you. Kiss, talk… fuck. Whatever you want, I can..”

Bill raises an eyebrow. “Are you really that desperate? Me?” 

“Why not you?”, Ted asks, in an attempt to hide that the way Bill asked him that actually turned him on a bit. “Besides, you were just the one whining about loneliness and-”

“Whining?” Bills lips break into a smile and Ted can’t help but admire him. There’s a certain boldness to Bill, a boldness that nearly manages to break through Bills awkward and shy personality and Ted loves that. 

Ted pushes himself closer to Bill on the couch. “It was just a proposal. You can say no.“

Bill reaches out and places his hand on Ted’s thigh. At first it seems like he’s doing it to keep Ted away, he puts his hand on Ted’s thigh like he’d put it on Ted’s shoulder. Ted is almost about to actually give him more space again, when he slowly lets his hand itch down towards Teds knee, before he stops again and squeezes, just gently. He’s not exactly doing it in a teasing way either, he’s not doing it like he knows what effect it has on Ted, but still Teds breath hitches at the contact. Maybe he's just terribly horny, maybe that’s it.

“It would be a bad idea”, Bill notes now, his eyes still sitting on his hand on Teds knee.

Ted ends up staring at Bills hand for a little too long as well. Life is short and Bill is right, they’re stuck there, alone together.

“A bad idea you want to indulge in?” He tries his best to sound cocky but it has been a while since he actually had to flirt with someone and flirting is harder for him when he means it. It’s easier to flirt when the person he’s talking to doesn’t mean anything to him.

If Ted is being honest, he pretty much expected Bill to turn him down immediately. He expected Bill to take his hand off Ted’s thigh and get up and ask him to leave because ‘Jesus Christ Ted, we’re coworkers’.

He doesn’t do any of that though.

“Maybe we should try kissing again first. Maybe we can go slow, like... is that okay with you?”, he asks.

Ted nods a little too quickly.

“Okay, yes. Cool, yeah, good idea. Going slow, I love that.”

“Okay”, Bill whispers, in a mix of relief and nervousness.

He scoots closer to Ted. Ted turns to him and leans towards him but stops a few inches in front of Bills face so Bill can decide on a pace.

“I can leave right now if you want me to”, Ted quietly proposes. The last thing he wants to do is go too far and Bill seems so nervous.

“No”, Bill whispers immediately.

“No?”

“Stay.”

“Sure?”

Bill shakes his head. “Obviously not.”

“So we shouldn’t-“

“I don’t want to stop.” Bills hand slips from Teds knee to his inner thigh now and he pulls him closer. Ted nearly blacks out at that, but he tries his best not to show that too much.

“Okay. Kiss me then.”

Bill takes his hand off Teds thigh and reaches for his shoulder instead. He rests his forehead against Ted’s. His eyes fall shut for just a moment. “You want this too, right?”

“Yes”, Ted chokes out. Bills nearness makes him feel disoriented. He almost lost his voice when he tried to answer.

Bill kisses him now. It takes almost all of Ted’s self-control for him not to audibly sigh against Bills lips.

Bills lips are soft and warm. His skin is soft, warm. When did Ted’s hand make its way into the back of Bills neck?

Bill pulls him closer and Ted lets him. The way he melts into Bills touch is almost embarrassing but Ted doesn’t care. Besides, it has been a while since someone kissed him like this. If he’s being honest, he doesn’t think he has ever been kissed like this exactly. He never felt like this while kissing, it's all so intense somehow.

He expected Bill to push him away at some point, to have changed his mind. But Bill is apparently full of surprises because he doesn’t do that at all. In fact, he does the exact opposite, pulling Ted closer until they’re almost on top of each other.

He’s also the first one who starts getting touchy. Ted didn’t dare to because he’s still not sure how slow Bill wants to take this, but when he feels Bills hand pull on his shirt and slip underneath to caress Ted’s skin, he leans into his touch.

Ted lets his hand wander down on Bills chest until his fingers find Bills belt and ghost over it. He doesn’t open it, because Bill didn’t give him permission to do that yet and Ted is way too busy kissing Bill to ask.

Bill settles the question, when he reaches for Teds hand and wordlessly pushes it a little lower.

After a while, Bills head falls back against the backrest of the couch in a quiet moan and Ted goes from kissing his mouth to kissing the corner of his mouth, then his jawline, feeling the light stubble underneath his lips.

When he reaches Bills neck, Bills fingers find their way into Ted’s hair, guiding his movement as Ted slowly drops himself off the couch until his knees hit the floor and he looks up at Bill.

Bill is watching him through half closed eyelids, looking almost dizzy with his breath going heavy and his lips still a little swollen from kissing.

Ted reaches for Bills belt, not breaking eye contact as he tries to form the question in his mouth. He doesn’t get a tone out but he still gets his answer, when Bill nods and mutters a quiet “Yes”, before he lets his head fall back into the cushions.

Ted settles on the couch next to Bill as Bill hazily pulls his pants back up and closes his belt.

Ted watches Bill as he carefully fixes his clothes, a little too carefully, maybe. Then Bill finally looks at Ted, but he does it in a way that gives away just how nervous doing that made him.

“I can do you too”, he offers awkwardly, still out of breath.

Ted can’t help but smile at that. He shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

“Sure?”

“Relax, Bill.”

“I am relaxed.”

“Mh-hm, sure.”

“I am.”

“If you say so.”

“Well... thank you.”

Ted smiles. “You’re welcome.”

Of course, Bill is going to try and act professional about it. Because Ted sucking him off is just what’s normal for co-workers to do.

“Are you sure you don’t want-“

“Yes.”

“Maybe another time?”

“Maybe. But you don’t owe me anything, okay?”

Bill nods lightly. “Okay.”

“I’ll head home now.”

“Yeah?”

Ted nods. Then he quickly leans over and presses a kiss on Bills cheek. For a moment he wants to kiss him on the mouth but despite everything they did just moments before, he doesn’t really dare to.

Chapter Text

The next morning is a silent morning of wordlessly pouring coffee and exchanging glances on accident.

This time it‘s not even on Ted, Bill is the one acting different. It‘s almost as if he’s trying to avoid talking completely.

Ted doesn’t think Bill hated what they did the day before. He surely sounded like he enjoyed it, when Ted went down on him. Besides, Ted knows he’s good at it, so it can’t be that. Maybe Bill regrets it. Because they’re co-workers and now it’s gonna be weird or whatever.

If Ted is being honest, he really thought they had something. He’s not hurt, just confused, he tells himself. Maybe Bill really did just want intimacy. It had nothing to do with Ted, Ted was just there. Ted decides that he’s fine with it, if this is the case. It’s easier than bringing feelings into it anyway.

The silence lasts for about an hour until Ted decides to turn off his headset and just ask Bill what’s going on. No need to be so coy about it.

“Do you regret it?”

Bill doesn’t look up but he frowns, almost surprised at the question. “No.”

“Are you sure? You’re pretty silent.”

Bill looks up now, apologetically. “I’m just overwhelmed, I think.“

“Bill-”

“It’s just… we’re doing this now?”, Bill asks, “Right?”

“What do you mean?”

“There was a line between us being co-workers and friends on a professional level and us being... lovers.”

Lovers. Friends on a professional level. For a moment Ted smiles at the fact that he has feelings for Bill. Not in a way that he thinks it’s ridiculous, more in a way that he’s thinking ‘yes, of course’. Of course, that would happen. Bill is so loveable somehow, just in the way he exists. For a moment Ted is genuinely baffled how he could ever not like Bill.

He rests his chin in his hand and watches Bill now, beautiful Bill. “Mh-hm”, he makes.

“So, we’re doing this?”

“Crossing the line?”

“No, staying on this side of the line. Or do we go back? I don’t know, do we… Where do we go from here?” 

“Is there a going back?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Do you want to go back?” 

Bill shrugs. 

“If you changed your mind, that’s fine”, Ted says.

“No, I didn’t, it’s just… I’m not like you, Ted.”

“Like me?”

“I’m… my first time was with my wife on our wedding night and- …I’ve never done all that with a man. I don't even really know what-... I mean-” He sighs and gives up now.

"You don't know what to do?"

"I guess."

Ted smiles. "If that's all then that's fine, you know? I can show you."

"It's not just that."

“Well, if you don’t like sex, that’s alright too. You know that, right? We don't have to do anything. You don't have to do anything."

“No, I really liked that yesterday. I mean I do enjoy it.”

“Oh. …okay. So you want to?”

“What?”, Bill asks.  

“Do all that with a man?” 

Bill opens his mouth as he stares at Ted with wide eyes, and for a moment Ted feels like he said something wrong.

"That man being me", Ted quietly goes on.

Bill nods, slowly, like he's still not sure. “Yes.”

“Okay”, Ted says.

Bill opens his mouth, then closes it, then he starts to avoid Ted’s gaze. “I mean... Uhm, what- what do you want? What do you think?”

“I mean, yeah, I’d be down.”

Bill just nods. “Okay”, he says and he sounds out of breath while he says it.

“Okay.” Ted smiles.

Then Bill smiles too. “Okay”, Bill whispers again.

Silence settles over the room again, though now like a warm blanket, not like a vacuum of uncertainty anymore.

“Just to make sure we’re on the same page”, Ted then starts again, “You don't mean for this to mean anything, right? Obviously, you don’t like me, but… this is what you meant earlier, right? Or did you want something else? Did you want more or less or-”

“No, this is good. We’re just quenching the arousal.” Bill nods. “Helping each other out.”

Ted nods lightly. Sure.

“I do like you”, Bill then quietly notes.

“You know what I mean. Not like that.”

“Yeah, not like that.”

Ted is just about to put his focus back on his game of solitaire when Bill goes on.

“I really enjoy spending time with you, you know that?”

Ted smiles. He's not sure why his heart is suddenly speeding up but Jesus, does he like Bill. “Me too", he admits. 

Bill smiles too. “Okay.”

Ted slowly sinks back into his thoughts.

Maybe he should have clarified that he does like Bill like that. Who was he even kidding?

But even if he did tell Bill, what would it change? It would just complicate everything unnecessarily. It’s for the better if Ted just stays quiet about it. Surely, the feelings will go away soon.

At 4:55 pm, Ted clocks out.

“Five more minutes, Ted”, Bill notes.

“No one will notice.” Ted closes his laptop and stretches in his chair.

Bill finishes typing something and looks up. “Do you wanna stay tonight?”, he asks.

“For dinner?”

“Yes. And I was thinking about going for a walk, do you wanna come with?”

“Are we allowed to do that?”

“Go on a walk?”

“Yes?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Huh. Just feels weird to go outside I suppose.”

Bill nods lightly. “Yes, okay, well you’re coming with me.”

They do go for a walk, after dinner.

Ted isn’t really the kind of guy who goes on walks in his free time so in the end he just ends up agreeing to whatever route Bill suggests as they step out of the building.

They walk towards the park and as the sunlight begins to warm Teds skin and the cold wind rummages through his hair, he thinks that this is quite nice actually. It’s horribly cold, of course, in the middle of November, and the dark clouds don’t exactly promise a good time as they slowly push themselves across the horizon and in front of the sun, but still this is nice. This is being alive, Ted thinks.

They don’t really talk as they walk, but a part of Ted keeps imagining himself reaching out to take Bills hand. He doesn’t, obviously, considering both of them have their hands buried deep in the pockets of their jackets and holding hands surely wouldn’t be any warmer than the pocket of a jacket, lined with fleece.

But still, holding Bills hand as they stroll through the park would be nice.

On their way back, the dark clouds do exactly what Ted expected them to do, when he noticed them earlier and Bill and him end up running back to their apartment building through the rain. They’re drenched when they arrive, but laughing, as they drag themselves up the stairs.

They stop on Bills floor.

Ted is just about to say his goodbyes and head upstairs to his own apartment, when Bill gets a hold of his wrist and pulls him to a stop.

“Do you wanna come inside?”, he asks.

Ted stops for a moment. “Why?”

“You know why.”

Oh. Oh.

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

Bill fumbles out his keys and turns to unlock his door as Ted waits behind him. Then Bills hand is on Teds arm, guiding him inside, and the door falls shut behind them.

Ted is …not nervous. He wouldn’t call it nervous. There is a weird sort of anticipation, sitting in his chest, like excitement. He’s excited but it’s not the prospect of sex that makes him feel this way, because he usually doesn’t feel like this. This is all Bill and frankly, Ted isn’t sure how to handle that.

He’s not excited like a kid that’s about to ride a rollercoaster, it’s more of a gentle excitement, a warm buzzing in his chest, right where his heart sits.

His hands feel clammy and he’s pretty sure that this is the first time that that happened since middle school.

“Shoes”, Bill whispers into the silence.

“Yeah”, Ted answers and he quickly kicks off his shoes and nudges them to lay neatly next to Bills with his foot.

Then they stand there again and stare at each other through the darkness of the corridor.

“I’m going to kiss you now”, Ted then announces, “Is that okay?”

“Yes”, Bill answers, though he doesn’t really wait for Ted to actually kiss him, instead he steps closer, reaches for Teds face with both hands and pulls him into a kiss.

Ted really wishes he didn’t like it as much as he does, the way Bills nearness makes him feel. Bills chest, pressed up against Teds, his fingers gently digging into Teds temple and his mouth, his tongue, meeting Teds in a kiss that started so gently.

Ted really likes the way Bill takes all the time in the world just to kiss him. He’s not used to that. Usually when he had sex, it had to be fast. No time to be affectionate, they always went straight to the act before they could get caught by an angry husband or a wife or a partner of some kind.

Bill is so different. They didn’t even take off their clothes yet and frankly, Ted doesn’t mind at all. He always thought he liked going fast, liked the thrill of the possibility of getting caught. But this is new and it feels so much better. This is peaceful and Ted finds himself enjoying it more than he ever thought he would.

He feels Bills hands slip from his head to his chest. He pushes the jacket off Teds shoulders and Ted helps by shaking it off his arms. Then Bills hands are on the buttons of Teds shirt. Bill stops for a moment, he pulls away from the kiss just enough to speak. “You’re soaked. You should probably take that off”, he notes, while he unbuttons it.  

Ted nods.

“Yeah, good call”, he mutters against Bills lips before he presses another kiss on his warm mouth.  

Shortly afterwards Teds shirt follows his jacket to the ground. Bills jacket is next, then they’re kissing again.

“Bedroom”, Bill mutters in between two kisses. “We should-… not here.”

All Ted can do is nod as Bill nudges him towards the bedroom.

Bill gently pushes Ted on the bed and Ted finds himself laying there, still feeling disoriented from the kiss. He slowly props himself up on his elbows and reaches for his belt to open his pants, when his eyes fall on Bill and he stops mid motion, having completely forgotten about undressing in favour of staring at Bill instead.

Bill is still on the edge of the bed, half standing there, half kneeling between Teds legs, his eyes are focused on his shirt as he quickly undoes all of the buttons.

Teds eyes skip from Bills half exposed chest up to his lips, lips that Ted kissed. He can still feel the gentle pressure of them on his mouth.

Bill fully takes off his shirt and climbs onto the bed now, apparently not noticing the effect he has on Ted. He reaches for Teds belt and opens it while Ted just gives up and stares at his chest.

So Bill is hot-hot. Somehow striking on the line between softness and muscle, though there’s nothing hard about him. From the short dark hair on his chest to his relaxed belly, forming small rolls when he leans forward into a kiss.

Ted reaches for him and pulls him close as he lets himself sink back into the mattress, not once breaking the kiss. He wraps his arms around Bill and lets his hands roam over Bills back and up to his shoulders. Bills chest is all warm against Teds and Teds fingers gently dig into his skin when he pulls him closer against himself, as he loses himself in the kiss for good.

Eventually Bills lips meet the corner of Teds mouth as his hand sinks into Teds hair to pull back his head. Ted actually escapes a quiet moan, when Bills kisses his neck.

Ted bites down on his lip.

He didn’t expect it. Honestly, how should he have seen this coming? Shy Bill “I’ve never done this with a man” Woodward.

Bill stops after a while, and reaches for the waistband of Teds pants again, having abandoned that earlier in order to kiss Ted. He looks up, his mouth only inches away from Teds. “You still want this, right?”, he asks.

Ted nods, feeling completely intoxicated by now. “Yeah, you?”, he still manages to fumble out.

Bill nods as well and leans down to kiss Ted again.

They still lay in bed together afterwards. Bill pulled the blanket over them and it has been silent since. Ted still hasn’t fully recovered from the fact that he just slept with Bill Woodward of all people.

Neither of them says a word but Ted can’t stop thinking about the things he does want to say. He really feels like he should tell Bill. There is no more denying that he very much does have feelings for him, a lot of feelings. Feelings that make him want to reach out and hold Bills hand, feelings that make him want to roll over and cuddle against him.

Ted should tell Bill. It’s only fair, right? They’re friends, Bill wouldn’t be mad at him and he deserves to know, in case it makes him want to pull the brake.

The sun fully set by now and the darkness that filled the room actually gives Ted a bit of confidence. Maybe he doesn’t feel as exposed as he would, if he decided to confess his one-sided feelings in daylight. He can still see Bills silhouette in the corner of his eye though, laying still and breathing slowly. Ted knows, if he turned to him, he would very much see his face as well, thanks to the warm light from the street lamp, falling right through the window and onto the bed. Not light enough to make Ted self-conscious but light enough for him to find Bills mouth, if he wanted to kiss him again.

He doesn’t kiss Bill, he doesn’t move, but after a while, Ted gathers all of his confidence and whispers “I like you ...a lot” into the darkness. He hesitates, before he adds: “I think.” 

Bill doesn’t answer so Ted goes on, quieter now, his voice is just below a whisper: “No I don’t think.” 

When Bill still doesn’t answer, Ted throws a glance at him. 

He’s asleep, breathing slowly, his eyes closed.

Ted sighs. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe he shouldn’t tell Bill after all. He leans closer and places a kiss on Bills forehead. 

“Good night Bill”, he whispers. 

Then he gets up and gets dressed before he leaves. 

Chapter Text

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to just fall asleep yesterday”, Bill greets him after he opened the door.

Ted smiles. “It’s fine.”

“I was just going to close my eyes for a moment and then I woke up and you were gone and it was seven am”, Bill goes on to explain as he closes the door behind Ted.

“Bill, it’s fine, really.”

“Okay”, Bill mutters and relaxes a bit. ”Coffee?”

Ted nods. “Yeah, I’d love one.”

Bill hesitantly points towards the kitchen and then goes there. Ted follows him and helps by getting two mugs out of Bills cupboard while Bill grabs the coffee pot.

Ted can’t help but notice how coordinated their actions seem to fall together, how the shared domesticity became mundane by now. It makes him feel warm in his belly, at home, somehow.

They don't sleep with each other again until a few days later, after a kiss on the couch escalated and lead them back into Bills bedroom. 

Silence stretched over the room after they finished and they lay there, while Ted contemplates on when he should leave. He doesn’t want to leave too early, because while leaving directly afterwards used to be his standard procedure, leaving Bill right away just feels wrong. He doesn’t want to seem like he’s running away from something, his feelings for example. If he’s being honest, he doesn’t want to leave at all, but he can’t do that either now, can he?

It have been ten minutes, he then decides, no need to be so sentimental. He sits up.

“What are you doing?”, Bill asks.

“Leaving”, Ted explains.

“Oh.”

“Unless you wanna go again?” Ted turns to Bill and winks at him, having put his flirty personality back on in an attempt to hide that he’s actually leaving because he’s scared that if he stays, he’ll confess to Bill again and this time Bill will hear it.

“No, but…” Bill sits up as well now.

“What?”

“Can you stay for a while longer?”

Ted hesitates, actually taken aback. Bill reached out and placed his hand on Teds wrist and Ted can’t help but stare at their hands, so close together.

“I- Actually, I wanted to ask, if we… Ted are you listening?”

Ted rips his eyes off their hands. “Yes?”

“Okay, well… Can we try something?”

“Like what?”, Ted asks and when Bill doesn’t answer, he goes on: “Do you want to switch positions or…”

Bill shakes his head. “No, nothing like that. It’s just- You’ll think this is stupid.”

Ted smiles. “No, I won’t. Just ask me.”

“Okay.” Bill takes a breath. He takes his hand off Teds wrist and pulls the blanket up to his chest, maybe out of nervousness. “I’d like it if you… held me.”

“Oh”, Ted says. Oh, he thinks.

“Can we do that?”

Ted nods. “Yes”, he whispers, though it’s so quiet that he doubts Bill even hears it. He pushes himself a bit closer to Bill and slowly lays down again.

“Okay, I’m… gonna…”, Bill mumbles as he moves over to Ted. He slowly wraps his arm around Teds belly and sinks down to rest his head on Teds chest.

Ted places his arms around the warm frame of Bills bare body and pulls him close.

“Is this okay?”, he asks.

Bill nods. “This is nice.”

“Okay.”

“Is this okay with you?”

“Yes”, Ted breathes. More than okay, he thinks, this is perfect. But he can’t just say that, can he? It would make him look like an idiot.

So he just lays there and holds Bill until Bill drifts off to sleep and Ted forces himself to get up and leave.

The next day, Bill asks Ted to stay for dinner again and they end up on the couch afterwards, watching tv.

It had been a busy day and as Ted sinks into the cushions, he finally feels himself relax again. Bill is the same, he supposes, all sunken into the backrest.

Neither of them really said a word yet, since Bill asked if Ted wants to stay for some tv and Ted agreed.

Now Bill moves closer to Ted and his head drops onto Ted’s shoulder. For a moment, Ted genuinely thinks Bill fell asleep again, but when he throws a glance towards him, he sees that his eyes are open, still focused on the screen.

Ted pulls up his arm and wraps it around Bills shoulders, before he drops his head onto Bills.

That’s when Bill fully relaxes and goes on to slip both of his arms around Ted’s torso, and cuddles against him.

Ted can’t help but smile at that. He lets his fingers caress Bills upper arm, having decided to give up on holding back now. Besides, if they can have sex without it meaning anything, they can do stuff like this too right? Just because Ted never had anyone be this affectionate towards him and he already has feelings for Bill, doesn’t mean he will lose control over this. He can hold it together, he’ll respect Bills boundaries and he‘s not going to say something stupid like “I like you a lot I think.”

This is fine. It’s good, even.

They keep going like this. Casual touches become mundane, coming from Bill when he leads Ted into his kitchen in the mornings, his hand on Ted’s back, or hands caressing shoulders as they pass each other, cuddles on the couch and good night kisses, sometimes on the cheek, sometimes on the mouth.

Ted finds himself laying in his bed and questioning whether or not they’re dating more often than not. He thinks they’re not. At least they never said they were.

So he tries his best to not think about it too much, when he finds himself laying on Bills couch again, with Bill almost on top of him. The movie they watched ended half an hour ago but they’re both still awake and holding onto each other. Ted doesn’t want to get up and it’s not like he can do that anyway, with Bills weight holding him in place.

“Ted?”, Bill whispers.

“Yeah?”

“Do you wanna stay tonight?”

Ted feels his heart speed up in his chest. He opens his mouth to answer just when Bill goes on talking: “I mean like this. Not for sex, I mean, like… like this.”

Ted nods. “Yes”, he says, before he can think about it rationally and stop himself.

“Okay, I can-“ Bill pushes himself up just enough to lift his head off Teds chest and look at him. “-lend you a t-shirt.”

“That would be great”, Ted fumbles out, lost in Bills eyes.

“Okay.” A smile sneaks on Bills lips and for a moment Ted considers lifting his head up just enough to place a kiss there. “We should get up then”, Bill notes, already in the process of pushing himself off Ted and off the couch. No kiss then.

Ted nods and follows him.

It’s warm in Bills bed. Bills body is warm, pressed close to Teds, limps entangled and fingers sunken deep into Teds hair.

Ted can’t sleep, though Bill drifted off minutes ago. His breath gently hits Teds collarbones and Teds head is spinning.

He will tell Bill, he thinks, tomorrow. He will ask him out, he promises himself. Tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Ted wakes up curled against a warm chest. Someone is stroking his hair and that feels so nice that it almost makes him drift off to sleep again.

He doesn’t open his eyes but he moves himself a little closer to Bill and he makes sure to properly wrap his arms around him again.

“Morning”, Bill whispers.

Ted wants to answer but all that ends up coming out of his closed mouth is a quiet hum.

Bills hand sinks a little deeper into Ted’s hair, going from caressing his head to curling his fingers against Ted’s scalp and that's actually enough to knock him out again.

The next time he wakes up is when Bill tries to remove himself from the hug.

Ted thinks about protesting but feels too tired to talk and finds himself unable to bring up the strength to pull Bill back so all he does is lay there and groan quietly into the pillow to verbalise his disapproval of Bills actions.

He feels a kiss being pressed on his forehead and reaches out to pull Bill back into bed, but he’s already too far away.

“I’ll take a quick shower”, Bill whispers, maybe an explanation, maybe an apology or maybe both.

Then he‘s gone and shortly afterwards, Ted hears the sound of the shower being turned on in the bathroom.

He rolls over and decides to hug Bills pillow, because at least it smells like him. He almost drifted back off to sleep when there's a knock on the door.

Ted freezes. Is he supposed to open it now? Bill is under the shower, he can’t open it. Maybe it’s important.

Ted manages to open his eyes and throws a glance at Bills alarm clock on the nightstand table. It’s already half past ten.

Ted forces himself to get up to open the door. He makes his way through the corridor. The floor is cold under his bare feet and he shudders as he reaches for the door handle.

He’s still half asleep so it takes him a while to fully register who he’s looking at.

In his defence, Ted did not expect Alice, standing there with a backpack and all. Why would Alice just be there anyway? It doesn’t make sense.

Suddenly Ted gets very aware of the fact that he’s only wearing boxers and one of Bills t-shirts.

In hindsight his outfit was probably a bad idea. He’s not sure who he expected to see, maybe a postman or maybe a neighbour, asking for milk or something. He didn’t really think about it, honestly, he mostly just forgot that he’s not wearing pants.

“Oh”, Ted mutters.

“Hi?”, Alice says.

“Your dad is… under the shower.”

Alice raises an eyebrow. “Oh.”

“Yeah...”

“And you’re...”

“I’m Ted.”

“Yeah I know your name.”

“Okay.”

“You’re here.”

“Apparently.”

“At my dads place?” She frowns. “Is that my dads t-shirt?”

“Just-... come in?”

“Okay.”

She steps inside.

“I’ll be right back”, Ted mutters, before he flees into the bedroom.

He quickly slips into some pants, then he makes his way back into the living room to find Alice standing there, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

She was staring out of the window, but she turns back to him when he comes in.

“So you and my dad-“

“I don’t know if I should answer that.”

She nods lightly.

“Okay. …Cool.”

“Mh-hm.”

It's quiet until the silence gets just a little too uncomfortable and Ted decides to fill it with words again. 

"Can I get you anything? Do you want a coffee or something?" 

"I don't drink coffee", she says, like that's something Ted should have known. Ted isn't sure how he would have been supposed to know that. Peter is about Alice's age and he drinks a lot of coffee. 

"Okay, I guess you know where everything is anyway so..."

"You don't live here now, do you?" 

"No, I live two floors up."

"Hm." 

Ted nods lightly and decides to stay quiet from then on. He can hear Bill in the bedroom and thinks about going there to let him know that Alice is there but before he can actually make the decision, the bedroom door falls shut and footsteps move through the corridor towards the living room.  

“Ted did you see-“ Bill stops in the doorway when his eyes fall on Alice. He’s only halfway dressed, wearing pants, one sock and an unbuttoned shirt but missing the rest of his outfit.

“Your daughter is here”, Ted notes quietly, but obviously too late.

“Alice”, Bill fumbles out.

“Hi dad.”

“What are you doing here?” Poor Bill seems so overwhelmed. Ted can’t deny that he is too.

“I had a fight with mom and I wanted to go to Deb but her dad is really strict so he only let me stay over night and told me I have to leave in the morning. So I thought I’d go to you, I… didn’t expect you to have your boyfriend over.”

“Ted is not-...” Bill looks up at Ted and their gazes meet and Ted doesn’t even know what to do when the disappointment sinks into his belly like a heavy rock. He just panics and tries to hide it, tries his best to stay cool. It didn’t have to feel so nice, Alice calling him Bills boyfriend, it really didn’t have to feel so good and right.

“I was just leaving anyway”, Ted fumbles out.

Bill nods. “Yeah, Ted was just leaving.”

Ted quickly grabs his phone and his keys from the couch table and awkwardly holds both of it up, before he makes his way out of the living room.

Bill grabs his hand when Ted passes him and Ted stops for a moment, to look at him.

“See you?”, Bill whispers.

Ted nods and gifts him a smile.

There’s a moment of hesitation when Ted can’t decide whether to give Bill a hug or to just leave. Eventually Bill pulls him into half a hug and presses a kiss on his cheek.

“Bye.”

“Bye”, Ted whispers, before he makes his way outside.

He feels weird when he’s back in his apartment. A part of him feels like he dreamed the whole morning, because it was so surreal. A part of him is still half-asleep.

He makes his way into the bedroom and crawls into his bed after he got rid of his pants again. He pulls the blanket over himself and rolls over. He reaches for the collar of Bills shirt and brings it up to his nose, to breathe in the familiar smell as he tries to ignore how fast Bill jumped to explain that Ted is in fact not his boyfriend.

Ted closes his eyes.

He was going to confess to Bill, he slowly remembers.

He was going to confess that morning.

A part of him is really disappointed that Alice came, because now Ted isn’t in Bills warm bed anymore, now they can’t have breakfast together and go for a morning walk or whatever else they would have done. But another part, the coward in him, is kind of relieved that she shattered his plan.

Bill clearly doesn’t want to be together, right? Maybe Ted should get over it. This is obviously just a lockdown thing for Bill and Ted should accept that instead of getting his hopes up again and again for no reason.

Chapter Text

On the next day, a Sunday, Ted finds himself laying on his couch, staring at the ceiling. He thought about drinking but eventually decided that it’s not worth it. He can’t drink every time he’s sad, he can’t do that anymore.

So staring at the ceiling it is and succumbing to thoughts he feels too exhausted to be thinking.

He noticed something about himself, while he laid there. He noticed that he’s really bad at the whole ‘no feelings’ thing that he spent the past ten years pursuing.

He realised that for the fact that he spent ten years of his life indulging in affairs with no strings attached, he usually tends to get attached way too often and too quickly.

It happened with Charlotte too, just because she was nice to him once and brought him an iced tea from Beanies without him having asked her too. It happened with Jeremy, who Ted saw before Charlotte, just because he made Ted breakfast in bed once. Ted still remembers how hopeful he got when Jeremy told him that him and his wife are getting a divorce, that he told her he’s gay and wants to spend the rest of his life with a man instead. Then Jeremy broke up with Ted as well, having fallen in love with his childhood best friend. Then there was Pierre before Jeremy and Sara before Pierre. And after every single one of them, Ted swore to himself that it won’t happen again, his heart slipped for a moment but it’s secure in his chest now.

But here Ted is, hopelessly in love with his co-worker and neighbour because he brought him chili and treated him like a human being. This is genuinely pathetic and embarrassing and he knows he looks like an idiot but what is he supposed to do?

He throws his arm over his eyes and takes a deep breath. Maybe he should talk to Bill about it. Bill is still too good for him but at least he’s the first one who isn’t married. Besides, it feels different with Bill, more real somehow, more important. Ted doesn’t just want to give up and let go like he did with the others, he doesn’t know if he can.

There's a knock on the door and Ted slowly rolls himself off the couch and makes his way through the corridor to open the door. Bill is standing there, beautiful as always. 

“Hi”, Ted mutters, a little overwhelmed at his presence, though he's not sure who else he expected to see. 

Bills eyes skip down on him for a moment and Ted realises with a start that he's still wearing Bills t-shirt. 

He opens his mouth to explain it but soon realises that there's no actual explanation that's less embarrassing than him just staying quiet about it.

"Hi", Bill answers. 

"Hey", Ted quietly says. 

“Can I come in?” He doesn’t really wait for Ted to answer, instead he just goes into Teds apartment and leaves Ted standing there. Ted still holds onto the door and stares at the spot Bill was just in, before he closes the door and follows Bill into his living room.

Bill is waiting for him, standing by his carpet and looking just a little uncomfortable.

Ted opens his mouth. There are a million things he wants to say but all he ends up saying is: “Is Alice still there?”

Bill nods. “Yeah, she is.”

“Is she alright?”

Bill nods again. “She’s on the phone with Deb right now, has been for about an hour.”

“And you?”

“Huh?”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Another nod. “Yes. Yeah.”

Bill is just staring at Ted like he wants to say something and it makes Ted really nervous, somehow. He finds himself at a complete loss for words just because of the look on Bills face.

“Just because… when Alice came in and we were both… there. You know we-“ He gives up halfway through his explanation.

“Yeah, that was embarrassing”, Bill admits quietly.

Ted nods. “Sorry.”

“No, you don’t need to apologise.”

“I feel like I do.”

Bill shakes his head. “I actually came here to apologise. So… I’m sorry.”

“What for? What did you do?”

“When I said that about you not being my boyfriend. You looked hurt.“

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you-“ Bill sighs quietly. “Can we talk? About us?”

“We really don’t need to. It’s fine Bill, I’m fine with this.”

“Fine with what? What is this for you?”

“What do you mean what is this for me?”

“I’m just trying to figure out whether or not we’re on the same page.”

“Bill, it’s…” Ted hesitates. He can’t concentrate when Bill is staring at him like that. Like a deer in the headlights but at the same time so curious, so determined.

Bill wants him to say it, doesn’t he? He wants Ted to admit that he wants to bring romance into whatever it is they’re doing right now. But what for? So he can clarify that he doesn’t want any of that? So he can confirm that they are, in fact, not on the same page? He wouldn’t do that, would he? Because he’s too nice. Maybe he just wants Ted to say it anyway, maybe he just wants to know. But if Ted says it, it’s going to be weird. Bill is too nice to reject him.

Ted takes a breath, as he carefully lays the words out in his head.

“I know that this is just a lockdown thing for you and that’s fine with me”, he says.

“Are you sure?”

“It happened because we were both lonely, it’s fine. For a moment I may have misinterpreted some of your actions and I thought you might want more but now I’m all caught up and I’m on board with it, okay?”

“You’re on board with it?”, Bill repeats, disbelief sounding in his voice.

Ted nods.

“Ted, this is not just a lockdown thing for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I like you. I even had a bit of a thing for you way before lockdown hit."

"You had a thing for me?"

Bill shrugs. "Nothing too serious, I barely knew you and you didn't like me so I didn't really bother."

“I didn’t- I didn’t hate you.” Ted feels the sudden need to defend his feelings from back then towards Bill. He doesn’t want Bill to think he’s some obnoxious asshole who hates people just because he can. He’s not. He hates people because he hates himself and it’s easier to let that anger and frustration out on people he barely knows than on himself.

All the years of him bottling up his feelings just converted them into anger until it became too difficult to keep them inside and this is what it made him. God, he’s absolutely terrified of love. Pining was easier when he knew for sure that it was one-sided.

“Ted it’s fine”, Bill says.

“It was just because you were always so nice and…”, Ted tries to explain it, “I always thought you must have some motive beyond that, I thought it was all a facade.”

Bill smiles now. “I was nice to you because I liked you, Ted.”  

“But... you’re nice to everyone?”

“Yes, but not like this.”

“What do you mean not like this? You didn’t bring me chili and ask me to work with you just because you had a thing for me, did you now?”

Bill hesitates.

“Shit”, Ted whispers, when it all dawns on him.

“I wouldn’t have done all this with Keith from accounting if that’s what you…”

“Oh. …Yeah.”

“If this makes you uncomfortable then I apologise, I really didn’t mean to. And I can leave if you want to, I just thought maybe you do feel the same, after the way you reacted yesterday.“

“So this is a me thing?”

“What?”

“This is a… a you like me thing?”

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

“Okay”, Ted breathes. What does he do now? He didn’t plan on this. He didn’t expect Bill to just say something like this.

“Is that alright with you?”

Ted nods.

“So you too? You…?”

Ted nods again. He really does want to say it but his throat feels dry and his tongue feels heavy in his mouth.

He makes a step towards Bill and reaches for his face. He rests his forehead against Bills and Bill smiles and wraps his arms around Ted’s waist. He pulls Ted closer and their lips meet in a kiss.

Another kiss follows as Bills hand slips up, over Teds shoulder blades to his shoulder.

“I like you too”, Ted finally mutters against Bill’s lips. Bill smiles.

“Yeah, I know.”

“How do you know?”

“You should have seen your face yesterday.”

Ted rolls his eyes and Bill laughs.

“I would have told you”, Ted then goes on to defend himself. “I would have managed to do it.”

“I’m sure you would have.”

Ted places one more kiss on Bills mouth before he pulls him into a hug and lets his nose sink into Bills neck.

Bill pulls him close and holds him tight against his chest.

“This can last, right?”, Ted asks quietly, after a while. “It’s not just a lockdown thing.”

“Yes. We’ll make it last.”

“Yeah. Okay, yeah.”

“So if Alice happened to ask again…”

Ted smiles against Bills shoulder. “You can tell her.”

“Okay.”

Ted doesn’t see Bills face but he can hear the smile on his lips and it makes him smile too.

“Talking about Alice, I should probably head back”, Bill notes.

“You can stay for five more minutes”, Ted decides and pulls Bill closer.

Bill laughs quietly and it’s probably Teds new favourite sound. “Yeah, I can do five more minutes. She’s on the phone with Deb, that usually lasts for at least three hours.”

“Young love.”

“Mh-hm.”

Ted closes his eyes now and decides to place a small kiss in Bills neck.

“Do you want to come over tonight?”, Bill asks, his hand drawing circles on Teds back.

“To you and Alice?”

“No, just me. Her mom comes and gets her this afternoon”, Bill then says.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, at least I had her for two days.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, it was nice.”  

“’Kay. …I’d love to come over.”

“You could stay the night, if you want. I still owe you a breakfast.”

“You don’t owe me anything”, Ted says, but smiles brightly at just the idea of waking up next to Bill again.  

“Maybe I just want to have breakfast with you.”

“Okay, well, I’d love that.”

“Okay, I’ll make you breakfast.”

“I can do lunch if you want.”

Bill pulls out of the hug to look at Ted, a big smile on his lips. “You don’t have to.”

“Maybe I just want to have lunch with you.”

Bill rolls his eyes but smiles and nods. “Okay, I’d love that.”